Author has written 3 stories for Morganville Vampires, and Mortal Instruments.
So I decided that my profile was seriously lacking in personality, hense me doing it up.
My name is Sarah, i am 17 years old and loving it. I live in Scotland, but sadly don't wear a kilt (unless you count my school skirt). If you hadn't guessed from my stories by now I LOVE MUSE!!! seriously my favourite band of all time. I love rocking out to Kerrang! which is always on in the background when I am on fanfic. I am currently obsessed with Morganville Vampire series (SHANE!) and Mortal Instruments (JACE!)
I have a love of sarcasm and innuendos (in ur endo) and am probably one of the most immature people EVER but that half of the fun.
currently doing highers at high school and am in my 2nd last year. i absolutely love drama
"Plays were written to be performed, not read."
Music means everything to me, without it I don't know what I would do. I am a complete rock chick and love nothing more than walking down the street with my earphones in, blasting Muse, Nickleback, Paramore, The Pretty Reckless, MCR etc. there is nothing better than that, well there is dancing in the torrential rain that is amazing.
"Some believe in god, I beleive in music. Some pray, I turn up the radio."
I really appreciate everyone who reads my stories and review. Thank you coz it does mean alot to me and thank you if you have added them to favourites or story alerts!
I'll keep updating my stories as much as possible
Stories, we all spend our life telling them..
i dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without the motives being questioned
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that god damned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
sorry to those who took offence.
(\ _ /)
This is Bunny.
Some of my favourite quotes from MI ! :D
"Stay away from my blades. In fact, don't touch any of my weapons without my permission."
Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year."
"...Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?'
“I don’t want to be a man,” said Jace. “I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can’t confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.”
"I'll just have them change demonology text books from ‘almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec.He prefers his monsters really, really extinct. Will that make you happy?"
"Meanwhile," Simon added, "I wanted to tell you that lately I've been cross-dressing. Also I'm sleeping with your mom. I thought you should know." Simon trying to get Clary's attention in City of Bones
"What's this?" He demanded, looking from Clary, to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing here. "It's a girl" Jace said, recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one."-Jace and Alec in City of Bones
"Pretty soon the only people without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor. And he smells like Windex." "At least you know he's still available." -Clary and Simon in City of Bones
"I'm pure at heart, it repells the dirt"-Isabelle in City of Ashes
"That's why when major badasses greet each other in movies, they don't say anything, they just nod. The nod means, 'I' am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass,' but they don't say anything because they're Wolverine and Magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain" -Simon in City of Bones
"Patience grasshopper," said Maia. "Good things come to those who wait."
"I always thought that it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave'", said Simon. "No wonder I've been so confused all my life."
"Confused is a good word for it."-Maia, Simon and and Jace in City of Glass
"Look you can date whoever you want and I will totally support you. I am all about support. Support is my middle name."
"So that's why you never told me your middle name. I figured it was something embarrasing."-Clary and Simon in City of Glass
"So technically, even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother"-Simon to Clary in City of Glass
"So it's true. You can walk in sunlight"
"If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know."-Jace and Simon in City of Glass
"You look happy. And a good thing for you that she does"
"Is this the part where you tell me if I hurt her, you'll kill me?"
"No. If you hurt Clary, she's quite capable of killing you herself. Possibly with a variety of weapons."-Simon and Jace in City of Glass
"I'm going to offer you some advice. I see that you are working this vampire angle with some success. And kudos. Lots of girls love that sensitive - undead thing. But I'd drop that whole musician angle if I were you. Vampire rock stars are played out, and besides, you can't possibly be very good."
"I don't suppose there's any chanceyou could reconsider the part where you don't like me?"
"Enough , both of you, you can't be complete jerks to eachother forever."
"Technically," Said Simon, "I can."-Jace, Simon and Clary in City of Glass
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for"-Jace on City of Bones
"Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades," Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire—not much use at the moment, but it's always good to have spare—silver bullets, charms of protection, crucifixes, stars of David—"
"Jesus," Said Clary
"I doubt he'd fit."-Jace and Clary in City of Bones
" Remember when we were back at the hotel and you said if we make it out alive you'll dress up in a nurse outfit and give me a spongebath"
"Actually Simon said he'll give you the spongebath"
"As soon as I'm on my feet, handsome."
"I knew we should have left you as a rat."-Jace, Clary and Simon in City of Bones
Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane."
"They didn't," Magnus said. "Your wards are down."
"Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed."
Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down."-Magnus and Malachi in City of Glass
"‘Well, I’m not kissing the mundane,’ said Jace. ‘I’d rather stay down here and rot.’
‘Forever?’ said Simon. ‘Forever’s an awfully long time.’
Jace raised his eyebrows. ‘I knew it,’ he said. ‘You want to kiss me, don’t you?’-Simon and Jace in City of Ashes
"Don't order any of the faerie food," said Jace, looking at her over the top of his menu. "It tends to make humans a little crazy. One minute you're munching a faerie plum, the next minute you're running naked down Madison Avenue with antlers on your head. Not," he added hastily, "that this has ever happened to me."-Jace to Clary in City of Bones
"Is this the part where you start tearing stripes of your shirt to bind my wounds?"
"If you wanted me to rip my clothes off, you should have just asked."-Clary and Jace in City of Bones
"Do you think Hodge will want any soup?" Isabelle asked
"No one wants any soup."Said Jace.
"I want some soup," Simon said.
"No, you don't, you just want to sleep with Isabelle."
Simon was appalled. "That is not true."
"How flattering," Isabelle murmured into the soup, but she was smirking,
"Oh, yes it is, go ahead and ask her--then she can turn you down and the rest of us can get on with our lives while you fester in misrable humiliation." He snapped his fingers. "Hurry up, mundie boy, we've got work to do."-Isabelle, Jace and Simon in City of Bones
"I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind to get drunk and pass out in some gutter, I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow."- Jace, talking about Simon, (to pretty much no one) in City of Ashes
"Enourmous?" Said Jace, "Did you just call me fat?"
"It was an anology."
"I am not fat."-Jace and the Inquisitor in City of Ashes.
"Less than five slices isn't a meal. It's a snack. Does this mean you're going to wolf out and eat me?"
"Certainly not, you would be stringy and hard to digest."
"I'll be sure to point any Jewish lycanthropes your way."- Simon and Luke in City of Ashes.
"I don't know," Clary said, "Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-crawling powers; we get the Aquatruck."
"If you don't like it, Nephilim," Came Magnus's voice, "you're welcome to see if you can walk on water."- Clary and Magnus-In City of Ashes
Maia snorted "I'm from New Jersey. I was born in toxic sludge."-Maia to Clary in City of Ashes.
"That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. No, probably not."-Simon in City of Ashes!
Morganville Quotes now :D
Claire stretched out against the wall and kissed it. "Glad to see you, too," she whispered, and pressed her cheek against the smooth surface. It almost felt like it hugged her back.
"No, not you two. Stay here."
"I don’t see a way in,” Eve whispered.
"Goodness," Myrnin said quietly. "I don't think I should be watching this. I don't think I'm old enough." (Fade Out)
"Michael rose to his feet and padded down the last few steps silently, came up behind Kim, and leaned over her to say, “I vant to drink your blood” in a heavy, fake-Dracula accent. She shrieked, flailed, and a zombie ate her brains on-screen.
You sabotaged me!” Kim yelled, dropped the controller, and smacked him hard on the chest. “I can’t believe you just totally sabotaged me!”
Can’t let him lose,” Michael said, as Shane hit the high score and the victory music sounded. “Gotta live with the dude.”
You’re seriously going to take that as a win,” Kim said. “When he totally cheated for you.”
Yes,” Shane said. “I seriously am." (Fade Out)
"Eve: She told me last!
"Silver nitrate and water in a super soaker," he told her. "My own invention. Ought to be good at twenty feet, kind of like wasp spray."
"If you ask me if I'm okay again, I'm going to smack myself in the face just to punish you."(Midnight Alley)
"What about Myrnin?"
"Oliver: You turned me down. So why, I wonder, did you decide Amelie would be a better choice?
"Faster!" Shane yelled. Eve hit the gas hard, and whipped around a slower-moving van. The firing ceased, at least for now. "You see why I didn't want you to stop?"
"As she turned to concentrate on the portal, Eve tugged on Claire's shirt. "What?"
"The ball doesnt have internal organs! Squishy parts!" (Ghost Town)
Oh stop it Claire thought still furious. I didn't kick your puppy (Ghost Town)
"Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it." (Dead girls dance)
"I'm gonna kill him," Eve said, or at least that was what it sounded like filtered through the pillow.
And what?" (Michael)
When did you get home?" Claire demanded.
Apparently just in time to hear my funeral plans. I especially like the garlic up the ass. It's...different." (Dead girls dances)
"Better be," Eve said. She mock-bit at his finger. "I could totally date somebody else, you know."
Friends will comfort you when he rejects you. Best friends will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
Friends help you find your prince. Best friends kidnap him, then bring him to you and forces him to marry you til death do you part.
Friends will bail you out of jail. Best friends would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
Good friends will let you dance with your boyfriend, BEST FRIENDS will yell "No she's mine!"
A friend would lend you an umbrella but a BEST FRIEND would steal yours and say,"Run Bitch Run!"
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES.
Ran with scissors, and lived!
"It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone."
"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?"
Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter
I'll protect you because I know you're worth protecting.
Bite me and I'll bite back.
I've had bruised ribs, broken arms, head busted open, torn muscles, drowned, suffocated, and stopped breathing a couple times. I still haven't broke. What makes you think you can hurt me?
Sometimes when I say, "Oh I'm fine," I want someone to look me in the eye and say, "Tell the truth."
She finally gave up. She dropped the fake simle as a tear rolled down her cheek she whispered, "I can't do this anymore."
You see that girl over there? That's my best friend, YOU break her heart... I break your face!!
25 reasons I owe my mother
1) My mother taught me to apprieciate a good job done
2) My mother taught me Religion
3) My mother taught me about time travel
4) My mother taught me logic
5) My mother taught me more logic
6) My mother taught me foresight
7) My mother taught me irony
8) My mother taught me about the science of osmosis
9) My mother taught me about the weather
10) My mother taught me about contortionism
11) My mother taught me about stamina
12) My mother taught me about hypocrisy
13) My mother taught me about the circle of life
14) My mother taught me about behavior modification
15) My mother taught me about envy
16) My mother taught me about anticipation
17) My mother taught me medical science
18) My mother taught me about recieving
19) My mother taught me about Esp
20) My mother taught me about humor
21) My mother taught me genetics
22) My mother taught me how to grow up
23) My mother taught me about my roots
24) My mother taught me about wisdom
25) My mother taught me about REVENGE
Not really for younger kids! This sectiony bit!
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just after eight.
They got off at Quality street.
He asked her name, "Polo, i'm the one with the hole." She said with a Wispa.
"i'm Marathon, the one with the nuts." he replied
He touched her Cream Eggs.
then slipped his hand into her Snickers.
He fondled her Flap Jack and she rubbed his Tic Tac's
it was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight
But 3 days later his Sherbert Dip started to itch.
Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset
And he had Allsorts!
imagine if all retailers started making their own condoma and kept their own name.
Tesco condoms: Every little helps
Nike condoms: Just Do It
Peugoet condoms: The ride of your life
KFC condoms: Finger licking good
Pringles condoms: Once you pop you can't stop
Burger King condoms: Home of the Whopper
Andrex condoms: Soft Strong and Very Long
Mcdonalds condoms: I'm Lovin it
Polo Mint condoms: The one with the hole
Speak of the devil and he shall return
Eves dress chapter 4 ... http:///cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=11501100
Claires dress from her dream ...http:///wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Lipsy-Vintage-Beaded-Babydoll-Dress.jpg
Somewhere a clock is ticking
Clary haloween Mask...http:///ekmps/shops/maskedball/images/black-lace-masquerade-mask-227-p.jpg
"His secrets? Oh yes, my father's terrified that I'll tell you he's always wanted to be a ballerina!"
- Jace Wayland (City of Ashes)
"It was like a bad movie except he didn't actually twirl his moustache."
- Jace Wayland (City of Ashes)
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave it to you until they give you the oranges you originally asked for." --Jace Lightwood, City of Bones
"Just coffee--black, like my soul." --Clary, City of Bones
"Yes. I was trained to be an evil mastermind from a young age. Sterilising flowerbeds, pulling the wings off flies, I was covering that stuff in kindergarten. Good thing he decided to fake his own death before we got to the raping and pillaging or no-one would be safe."
- Jace Wayland (City of Ashes)