Author has written 4 stories for Mercenaries, and Code Geass.
Hey there, everybody. I know that I personally hate it when authors go dark and don't update their profiles to describe their circumstances, so I figured I'd break the mold and practice what I preach.
Long story cut relatively short, I'm currently working on my Bachelor's, and I'm trying my damnedest to be a responsible student and put my all into studying, since my scholarship is the only thing allowing me to be here and requires me to maintain a certain GPA.
That being said, I'm currently active in the World of Gundam Battle series of forums, administrated by Maderfole, the author of The Golden Age trilogy in the Gundam SEED section. I'm not even a SEED fan and I still find it riveting, so I recommend the series highly. Anyway, there's a forum starting up for the next trilogy, and I'm in the process of designing a faction that may or may not be canon in his next installment.
Outside of that, I'm working infrequently on a new fic for the Kill la Kill section, Titled "Information Warfare." I might drop some hints here later as to the premise and central characters, or I might just post the first chapter and let everyone read and figure it out.
Finally, I'm considering rebooting Rebirth of a Nation. Reviews for the original story have been overwhelmingly positive, and I'm immensely proud and grateful for that; but I look back on it now and see an obscene number of clichés, and in general a great number of things that I could do much better now that I'm older, and have a few more years of experience under my belt.
Don't hold me to that last one, though. You should know me by now.
'I speak nothing but the truth... Except when I'm lying.' Yours Truly!
'Whatever it is, sign it, cancel it, or order five more.' Colonel Henry Blake, MASH
'Shut up and fire back!" Captain Jack Bartlett, Ace Combat 5
Nanbu: "I hate you so much. I'd send every assassin I have after you if I thought it would do anything.
Naruto: You mean... You haven't been?
Naruto: Well, I've had a bunch of assassins swing by lately; I thought they were from you. It was nice, sorta like "Hey, still thinking of you - still wishing you were dead."
Nanbu: Well Jesus, if it means that much to you, I'll send one tomorrow.
Naruto: No, you don't have to do that...
Nanbu: No, I want to - really." Mister Cynical's Nothing But Trouble
"Aw!" she cooed and reached over to pinch his cheek. "Why, don't you look so cute?"
Naruto swatted her hand away in annoyance. She pulled it back and grinned, placing her hands on her cheeks. "Aren't you a big tough ANBU…" she sang in a babyish voice. Naruto had developed a twitch above his eye as he narrowed them at the pretty girl.
"Yuuka," Kage said tiredly. "Stop poking the Combat-Squad ANBU before he sets you on fire." Shezza88's Life in Konoha's ANBU
"Pft. I'm not doing your paper work for you," the clone stated as he took a sip.
"I will not have this. . .this mutiny in my own sub-conscious!" Naruto roared, at least as well as her female body allowed her to. "This is treachery!"
"It's not like I turned you over to the enemy," the clone stated with a role of his eyes. "Besides, I'm you, so what makes you think I'm going to do your paperwork for you while you run off and play?" With that, the clone had the common sense to dispel himself. Naruto pouted and stalked around her desk to collapse in her seat.
"Remind me to look into some kind of loyalty seal." When no comment was forthcoming, Naruto looked up at noticed that Rumiko was rather fixated on something just below the blonde's neckline. Naruto arched her back and pressed her breasts tightly against her tank top. "See something you like?"
"Yes," Rumiko stated bluntly, her cheeks turning a nice crimson color. Naruto sighed in annoyance and leaned over slightly to grab a stack of papers, inadvertently giving Rumiko a perfect view down her shirt.
"You know, if you would just let me use my clones, I could get all this work done in no time." There was no reply again. Naruto glanced up. "Your nose is bleeding."
"My eyes are up here, Rumiko."
"I'm not interested in your eyes."
"Touché." Naruto dropped the technique and Rumiko pouted.
"If you're going to be such a pain in my ass, at least you could give me some eye candy."
"Sorry," Naruto replied. "So, clone, paperwork, deal?" Once more, Mister Cynical's Nothing But Trouble
Murphy's War Law
Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
Five second fuses always burn in three seconds.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
The easy way is always mined.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire... For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both).
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
Military Intelligence is an oxymoron.
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
Weather ain't neutral.
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.
Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.'
The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Napalm is an area support weapon.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The one item you need is always in short supply.
Interchangeable parts aren't.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.
Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).
Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism, to steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that bill is filled by someone else.
When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack, when you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Murphy was a grunt.
Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
The crucial round is a dud.
Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you, if your ambush is properly set the enemy won't walk into it, if your flank march is going well the enemy expects you to outflank him.
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands right at your feet.
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
Walking point = sniper bait.
Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you... and miss.
Don't be conspicuous; in the combat zone it draws fire, out of the combat zone it draws sergeants, if they can see you, so can the enemy... All or any of the above combined.
Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.
Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.
Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of shit.
Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.
A half filled canteen is a beacon for a fully-loaded enemy weapon.
When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss today may not miss you tomorrow.
It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.
If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.
If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours too.
Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too.
Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.
There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both.
Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case."
You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.
Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.
You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services.
You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right.
Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep.
"Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.
Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.
NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.
Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.
Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.
If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.
If you are wearing body armor, they will probably miss that part.
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.
If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.
Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish in them.
A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.
Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.
Being shot hurts.
Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day, a few were even awarded.
There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.
C-4 can make a dull day fun.
There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose.
If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils.
If you lose you don't care.
Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow, what is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our problem.
Always make sure someone has a can opener.
Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.
Flying is better than walking, walking is better than running, running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is, technically, a form of flying.
Chances are, that tank gun you just used to lift a two-ton car out the road will lose calibration when you go to aim at your target.
A helicopter is just a thousand moving pieces flying in close formation.
It's the mechanics' job to keep that formation as tight as possible.
If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.
Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is Not A Good Idea!
As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!"
The Ultimate Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model)
Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)
Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
Air Force, O-6 and above: "Get that damned snake off the fairway!"
Armor: Runs over snake. Never knows it, as well as where he is on the battlefield. Continues directly ahead wondering what all those new buttons in his turret do.
Army Aviation: Has GPS ten digit grid to snake. Stands off at a range greater than any other weapon system and destroys snake with precision fires at a cost equivalent of one Mercedes 350SEL. Returns to base for fighter management and a "cool one".
Army Shrink. Attempts to get snake to explain its sexual feelings about its mother.
Chaplain. Tries to get snake to attend services, mend its ways.
Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in depth analysis based on obscure 5 series FM about how to defeat snake using counter mobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake operations. (Engineer School tries to hide the fact that M9 ACE proves ineffective against snakes).
Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
Military Intelligence, G-2: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.
Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing professional courtesy.
Marines, ForceRecon: Follows snake, gets lost.
Marines, Infantry: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.
Mech Infantry: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
Military Intelligence, S-2: Reports to ground troops that snake is a non-combatant. Six Infantry wounded. MI states that if the ground forces would have read the nesting diagram provided in the 24 page enemy intel report, they would have known the snake was a possible threat.
Military Police, Criminal Investigation: Handcuffs snake's head to its tail, reads it its Miranda rights, then proceeds to beat snake to a pulp with night stick.
Missileers, Air Force: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.
Military Police, Field: Snake safely infiltrates rear area of operations.
Navy SeaBees: Build snake elaborate rec room, complete with secret still.
Navy, SEAL: Expends all ammunition and several grenades, then calls for naval gunfire in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites the SEAL, and dies of salt water poisoning. Hollywood makes film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.
Navy, Surface Action Group: Fires off 50 cruise missiles fro several ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.
Ordnance: IDs snake as having improper scales. Deadline snake and order parts against snake. Parts come in 15 days later but the snake has been upgraded to FMC (also known as FMJ) due to scrounging of parts through improper channels.
Para-Rescue: Lands on snake upon descending, thereby injuring it, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
Pilot, A-10: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.
Pilot, Air Force, B-52: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.
Pilot, Air Force, F-15: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.
Pilot, Air Force, F-16: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but gets direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multimillion dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.
Pilot, Air Force, Fighter, Generic: Mis-identifies the snake as a HIND and engages it with missiles. Crew Chief paints snake on airplane.
Pilot, Air Force, Transport: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, and delivers two weeks after due date.
Pilot, Army, AH-64 Apache: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infrared. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.
Pilot, Army, HH-53 Jolly Green Giant: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out flares to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.
Quartermaster: Encounters snake, then loses contact. Can not identify who owns snake by hand receipts. Orders new snake through supply channels. Request is denied by higher authority; issuing the unit a snake will bring the manager to a zero balance; one snake must remain on hand at all times as per their boss' guidance.
Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
Signal, Enlisted: Tries to communicate with snake . . . fails despite repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate.
Signal, Officer: Informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to video conference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. SigO abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, GTE and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the two smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake dies of old age.
SJA: Swear they saw something like that on the Discovery Channel . . . spend weeks arguing if it was a snake or not.
Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.
Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)
Transportation Corps: "Snake? What snake? We were sleeping in the truck."
War Correspondent. Decides snake is patriotic nationalist agrarian reformer being molested by imperialist U.S. forces, asks snake for directions to nearest bar. If bitten by snake, charges U.S. troops with neglect of duty to protect freedom of the press.
Seals vs. Green Beret
Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it.
When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.
The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.
As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"
This joke was parodied in Knightmare Gundam of Ni's Code Geass fic, "Code Geass: The Demon and the Dragon", which is how I originally ran across it. His version has two Knights of the Round and a Mabinogi General. It's in Chapter 11; check it out.