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Joined 07-08-10, id: 2438900, Profile Updated: 07-28-11
Author has written 3 stories for Transformers/Beast Wars, and Young Justice.

Yo! I'm Autobark 321. I am a young artist who is totally awesome, rocks at guitar, and has a head BURSTING with ideas. Thanks to...certain connections with Cryptid 123, I am authorized to make (B-storyline) stories about The Secret Saturdays: Dragon's Door Chronicles. I also like Ben 10. As well as Generator Rex!

Also, I LOVE Transformers, as well as animals. That is what inspired me to start a series called TRANSFORMUTTS: ROBARKS IN DISGUISE. You are going to love it. It's an original idea that combines dogs, with robots! I will also be writing stories about Beyblade, Batman: Brave/Bold, and Super Hero Squad (Hero Up!) That is all for now.

10 Things I'd do with the Dragon Balls: (Did not c+p)


2. Wish all my favorite cartoons and comics real.

3. Make my family heritage that of saiyans (So i can become a super saiyan!!)

4. Give me infinite knowledge.

5. Get me a girlfriend. (Save that wish 'till I'm older!)

6. Analyze all cryptozoological legends and animate them.

7. Wish that Hitler never existed.

8. Wish that they only had DECENT literature out on the market. (I mean, gosh!)

9. Wipe Satan from existence the moment he rebelled !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(I am a proud Christian)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. MAKE ME AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pranks to play at your school (Did not c+p)

1. Use scare tactics all the time (Try it on girls. It's such a sweet reaction when you grab their shoulder, laugh maniacally, and she squeals like a baby and jumps.)

2. Anybody you hate? Continually ask, "Are you a commie?"

3. If one of your teachers is pregnant, put a whopee cusion on their seat. Then say, "MAN, that baby got gas!" (Warning: this may or may not get you detention.)

4. Constantly shout Waffles, pancakes, or french toast.

5. Be random. throw toilet paper at people's heads. Shout out something totally unrelated to the conversation during class. Be creative.

6. Anyone ever called you a name? Next time, say, "How dare you accuse me of being a snollygoster, you conceited cocalorous ninnyhammer!!" Record how long it takes for them to respond.

7. Poke people. It's a great icebreaker.

More uploaded soon!! I have commitment issues!

114 Signs You're Too Much of a Transfan
by Artisan Brown

1. NASA wants you to stop asking about the location of Cybertron.

2. You're very suspicious of that blue toy truck you got for your birthday.

3. When you visited Detroit, you sat just outside the warehouse district with a pair of binoculars until security came and dragged you away.

4. Screw Team Edward! You're Team Prime!

5. You frequently talk to your car.

6. When people ask you why you talk to your car, you begin to laugh insanely.

7. You caress your car with wax monthly, and tell them not to listen to the nice people in white coats who come to your house.

8. You constantly check passing police cars to see if they have “to punish and enslave” on their side.

9. You duck and cover when you're in enormous cities that have jets flying over them.

10. You watch jets through binoculars regularly.

11. It’s a household custom for you to sift through automobile magazines, cut out pictures of cars, put them on the fridge, point at them and say: “That's a robot in disguise, I tell you! IT'S A ROBOT!”

12. You use the universal greeting when confronting hostile individuals.

13. You made oilnog for Christmas.

14. You chase after ambulances and shout: “SPIKE! IS CARLY IN LABOUR?!”

15. You also shout: “RATCHET! COME BACK!”

16. You wallowed in self-pity for days when you didn't see “Transformers” in theaters.

17. When you watched a Discovery Channel documentary about Monkeys, you said: “Trukk not munky.”

18. Your bedroom walls are painted either red or purple or both.

19. All the cookies you bake are in the shape of faction insignias.

20. The US military wants you to stop asking if you can join “N.E.S.T.”

21. You wrote a love letter and signed it “Bulkhead.”

22. You do “the wave” every time you hear the “zoom, zoom” in car commercials.

23. You like peanut butter and JaAm sandwiches.

24. has just sent you an e-mail announcing that the Transformers/Beast Wars section has just issued a restraining order against you.

25. Right after that e-mail arrived, DeviantArt forbade you from typing “Transformers” in the search engine.

26. You visited Detroit, looked into the heart of the city, and exclaimed: “Hey, where's Sumdac Tower?! Don't tell me that idiot, Powell, had the thing torn down!”

27. The only reason you watched “Cars” was the fact that you were holding onto the frail hope that a Transformer would make an appearance.

28. When your friend off-handedly mentioned that their great-grandfather was an explorer, you grabbed them by the collar and asked: “Do you have a yellow car?”

29. You walked into Burger King and asked: “Is this Burger Bot?”

30. You made a safety poster about the dangers of playing with Cosmic Rust.

31. Some people tell you you're three-faced.

32. You visited Detroit's police department and was appalled to learn that the captain's name wasn't Fanzone.

33. You won a footrace because you kept thinking: “I gotta warn Cybertron Command about the traitor!”

34. You chase after fire trucks shouting: “FIRE TRUCK! FIRE TRUCK!”

35. You're afraid of red lights.

36. You’re an activist against scrap yards that crush old cars.

37. You frequently proclaim: “I dare to be stupid!”

38. Ever since watching Transformers Animated, you've been afraid of chatspeak.

39. You ogle at police motorcycles.

40. You talk to PlainTalk.

41. When your friend cut the cake and asked “you want a piece?” you responded: “No! I want TWO!” and cackled insanely.

42. You went to the doctor's office and asked: “wHy mY ShoULdeRs hUrT?”

43. You have an emergency “in case of Decepticon attack” kit under your bed, and have a tendency to use it whenever there's a blackout.

44. When your teacher asked you if you threw that strangely Decepticon-like paper airplane, you said: “Yeeees.”

45. You wear your silver house key around your neck.

46. You were disappointed when Father Christmas didn't give you garbage.

47. You bought a scooter and were disappointed when it didn't transform into a Mini-Con.

48. You talk to your scooter anyways and insist that it won't transform until you locate the Autobots' secret base.

49. When you visited the Hoover Dam, you leaned over the edge and kept claiming that the Transformers were going to arrive at “any minute now.”

50. You think that the guys who explored the Northwest Passage were actually kidnapped by Decepticons.

51. You are a practitioner of “Processor over matter.”

52. You have an emergency utility belt consisting of an oil can, a wrench, and Cosmic Rust.

53. When you found a rat in your basement, you immediately called up all your Transfan friends to tell them that Rattrap is in your house.

54. When you saw a skeleton of a Pteranodonin the museum, you said: “Better luck next time, Swoop.”

55. When running after the ice cream truck, you shout: “I scream for Starscream!”

56. You cry at the sight of anything blue and cubed.

57. Whenever you have as stroke of bad luck, you say: “Why universe hate Waspin – I mean, me?”

58. When you were a teenager, your motto was: “mY LiFE iS PAiN!”

59. You look at Barney and think: “Megatron, I have lost what little respect I had for you.”

60. When you introduce yourself, you use the name the “Transformers Name Generator” gave you.

61. You are fluent in “Blurr-ish.”

62. You petitioned to have your town's name changed to “New Kaon.”

63. You are amazed when you meet a pair of twins that don't have a Russian accent.

64. You have a faction insignia painted on the hood of your car.

65. You avoid construction zones.

66. You really hate spiders.

67. When you visit the dinosaur exhibit at the local museum, you grab the leg of the Tyrannosaurus Rex and start to cry: “GRIMLOCK!”

68. You want to be a lumberjack when you grow up.

69. The only reason you have a flowering garden is the hope that you'll attract bumblebees.

70. When preparing a meal, you subconsciously arrange the food products into Transformers faction symbols.

71. You have a discount coupon for Swindle's merchandise.

72. When your friend aced a difficult test, you said: “You got the touch!”

73. You like jazz.

74. When you found an orange plastic fork, you propped it up and exclaimed: “Okay, Space Bridge! Transwarp me to Cybertron!”

75. You genuinely believe you can get drunk off oil.

76. You call infants “protoforms.”

77. You went to the local dojo and asked: “Can I learn Circuit-Su?”

78. You went to the pet store and asked: “Can I buy a triceratops?”

79. You don't say “men” and “women.” You say “mechs” and “femmes.”

80. When bruise yourself, you say: “Slaggit! I got a dent!”

81. You walked up to a cement truck and asked: “Do you like oil?”

82. You've sent out a radio signal to Lockdown, in the hope that he'll come to earth and give you some nifty weapons.

83. You have dedicated more then three rooms of your home to Transformers merchandise.

84. There are Transformers faction insignias on your underwear.

85. You stare at your cellphone for hours on end, knowing that someday, somehow, the Decepticon will blow his cover.

86. Likewise, you make sure to keep your stereo system under lock and key.

87. People look at you strangely when you say you're a “Trans.”

88. You randomly steal people's glasses to see if the map is on them.

89. When you're being confronted by bullies, you are very annoyed when you discover that your techno-organic powers have not surfaced. Curse that key!

90. You plan to wear a faction insignia on your wedding day, and refuse to marry your future spouse if they don’t share your political views.

91. You're afraid to knock down that wasp's nest, in the fear that Waspinator may be among them.

92. You've said to your doctor: “If you're gonna set Scalpel on me, you can forget about it!”

93. You went to a karate convention and exclaimed: “Hey! Where's Yoketron?”

94. When people criticize your abnormal behaviour as a Transfan, you say: “the funny stays.”

95. When you win Guitar Hero, you exclaim: “Me superior, you inferior!”

96. Scientists have told you on numerous occasions that dinosaurs don't breathe fire.

97. Nor can they transform into robots.

98. Or talk...

99. You're suspicious of cats that wander into your backyard.

100. You don't say “the birds and the bees.” You say “the Laserbeak and the Bumblebee.”

101. Your friends stopped looking at you strangely years ago.

102. You go to the race track, point at the cars, and say: “I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE!”

103. You frequently walk around in cardboard boxes, proclaiming that you are a Transformer.

104. Your loved one gave you “Energon Cubes” on a romantic occasion.

105. You suspect Decepticons are the reason why iPhones are known to spontaneously combust.

106. All your handkerchiefs have your faction insignia printed on them.

107. You only use Transformer swears.

108. You stare down the throats of hot chicks, just to make sure they're not Alices in disguise.

109. You stare at the drivers of cars to see if they're holograms.

110. You wear a yellow construction helmet around for no apparent reason.

111. You believe that a guitar is a formidable weapon.

112. You frequently use red or blue eye contacts.

113. When your kid neighbour blows bubbles, you chase them around and shout: “Wait! Transwarp me to Cybertron!”

And the 114th sign that you're too much of a Transfan...

114. The first time you watched a preview, you said: “I am going to hate this.”

Ways to flunk School (c+p'd)
1: Always be late to class, then when you enter, yell really loudly; "I'm sorry I'm late! Do I get detention? This is my 4oth time this month!" (Got detention ONCE)

2: Never bring a pencil. Always borrow it, then forget to give it back.(It annoys them if you don't want to give it back)

3: Throw away your school books. You'll have a perfect excuse to not read them!(Mom would KILL me)

4: Never have paper. Let other people waste their money on that. Then ask if you can have some paper.

5: With the paper, write a note to your BFF, then make a big deal about passing the note. Or better yet, throw the paper across the room. Your teacher will be furious!

6: Never do homework! Homework sucks! (Can't. Mom makes me.)

7: When the teacher is teaching, say really loudly: "This is boring!" Especially if the class is really quiet!(Insanity!)

8: Bring food into class, and chew it with your mouth open. That's bound to get you double detention!(ate a few times in class. never got in trouble.)

9: Make paper airplanes, and throw it at the teacher. You'd be suspended!(Who comes up with this stuff?)

10: Cuss. (never did)

11: Say rude things to everyone.(Well...)

12: Never study for a test/quiz. (I always study. once again, my mom makes me.)

13: Stay up as late as possible, then sleep in class.(Mom made me again! and it got ME in trouble! and it was for some stupid thing I didn't even have to turn in!)>:(

14: Scream random words like "Chicken!" (Personally, i prefer WAFFLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

15: Steal the teacher's belongings!(Dude, that would get me expelled!!!!!!!!)

16: As the teacher is talking about a test, leave the room. (One time, when my teacher was talking about a test, and we got snacks!!)

17: Talk to the person next to you. Distract as many people as you can. (Get detention. my friend did.)

18: Write on your desk while the teacher is teaching, then scream out loud about the picture you drew on your desk. (Don't have desks.)

19: Bring your cell phone to class, and text your friend about how boring school is.(My school ain't boring!!!!!!)

20: When your done texting, turn the volume up really loud, and press one of the ring tones. (Don't have a phone. everyone in my class has a phone except me!!!!!)

21: Whistle. Really. Loud. (Can't really whistle.)

22: Bring your i pod! (Don't have that either)

23: Groan a lot.

24: Rip up all of ur papers in the middle of class! (I would get in a bunch-load of trouble if i ripped up my notes!!)

25: If you finally decided to do ur homework, make sure u do ur Math homework in Language arts! (Do math in latin? NEVER!!!!!! LATIN IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

1. Get 24 packets of gum and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking..
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Ways to make sure you're insane
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"
Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"

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Action, Humor, and serious Wally bashing all rolled into one package! IN WAYNE MANOR! R&R! Chapter 2 up!
Young Justice - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,665 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 3/20/2011 - Published: 3/19/2011 - Wally W./Kid Flash, Artemis C./Artemis
Funny Jokes to Play on the Young Justice Team reviews
Young Justice - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 416 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 6 - Published: 3/8/2011 - Complete
TRANSFORMUTTS episode 1: ORIGINS reviews
First Fanfic! Awesome! Read it and weep and/or review! I like dogs. And Transformers. Hence, Transformutts! Chapter 2 now exists!
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,296 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/24/2010 - Published: 10/21/2010