Hey guys! I'm a hardcore bookworm! I love reading fanfictions and I have read over thousands of fics for the past 10 years.
I'll say this upfront but I'm not the best writer; I have ideas in my head all the time for fanfictions, but I don't have the necessary skills to write a good story for it.
However...I make up for it by reading so much (No, like seriously...I read to much...)
Meaningful/useful quotes (Disclaimer! I don't own these but just recognize the awesomeness of these quotes)
“a man that makes a woman cry is terrible. But a man who insults a crying woman is the worst” -quote from Itachi in Fancy Footwork by silver-footsteps
"Ughh. Great. What's the point in setting the alarm if I'm going to wake up before it goes off? What a total waste. Now I've gotta shut it off but I don't feel like moving. But if I don't shut it off it will just keep ringing and ringing. Sigh. It makes me tired just thinking about the whole thing. Some mornings are such a drag..." -This is a perfect lazy quote directly taken from Nara Shikamaru from the series: Naruto.
If you are a DBZ or Naruto fan, then you have definitely come across the word "hn." This conversation taken from Homeless Boy by LPphreek will explain it all!
"You know, you're really getting this stuff fast."
"What does that even mean?"
"Roughly translated: Yes, no, I don't know, I don't care, or shut up."
Funny quotes (Disclaimer. I don't in any way, shape, or form own these quotes! They could be from facebook, a random profile, a tv show, etc.)
On the 12th Day of Christmas My Facebook Gave To Me: 12 Dudes I'm Blocking, 11 Friends Just Watching, 10 Corny Topics, 9 Busted Barbies, 8 Friends Complaining, 7 Stalkers Stalking, 6 Party Invites, Fiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 GameRequests, 3 Photo Tags, 2 Friends-A-Pokin' & a CREEP Who Won't Stop Inboxing Meeeeee...
You never appreciate your parents until it's too late...
Meeting the wrong friend makes you suffer for ten years and meeting the wrong woman makes you suffer for life
I love you all, now shut up and love me.
If you don't believe you're awesome, no one else will...
I'm actually not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
Remember to always be yourself, unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.
Don't confuse not knowing with not caring
I went for a run but came back after two minutes because I forgot something. I forgot I'm out of shape and can't run more than two minutes.
Experience with girls has taught me that the kind of places that a boy can't go are also coincidentally the kind of places boys doesn't want to go, especially if they're in the company of their girlfriends, and even more so if they were the ones who were going to be picking up the bill.
We're not friends unless i automatically connect to your wifi
I told myself to stop cussing and i did pretty well until i stubbed my toe...its all a blur from there
Never look down on someone unless your helping them up
In this house there are 2 rules that apply: #1. I'm the boss #2. You are all my bitches
When the bill arrives Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even thought it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out comes the pocket calculators.
The awkward moment when a zombie is looking for brains and walks straight past you
A wise man always remembers a woman's birthday, but never remembers her age.
"F.E.A.R. stands for "Fuck Everything And Run"
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate that much intrest.
Last night, I lay and bed looking up at the stars and thought, where the heck is my roof?
Have no fear of perfection-- You'll never reach it
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just think that yours are stupid."
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
The road to sucsess is always under construction.
My doctor said I should watch what I eat. I still eat whatever I want, but now I stare at my food before I eat it
Two stations A and B are 100 km apart on a straight line. One train starts from A at 7 a.m. and travels towards B at 20 km/hr speed. Another train starts from B at 8 a.m...and...and... I think I'm just gonna go ahead and book a flight instead
100 calorie snacks aren't effective for me. Because I eat 6 at a time
When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy
That dirty look you give the sidewalk when you turn around after you trip over it
A Fact of Life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F ...
My thoughts are like STDs. I don't mean to get them, they just come to me.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a whore house for a hug
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me
Sex is overrated. Food will never let you down. It doesn't roll over and start snoring, leaving you to wonder what the hell just happened
life is a bitch because if it were a slut it would be easy
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept
You can't blame me when safe and lazy reach the same conclusion
It's nice that Voldemort always waits till the end of the school year to try and kill Harry. Despite his flaws, Voldemort really cares about Harry's education.
I think I may be a talented photographer. I took just one photo with my camera phone and it asked me if I wanted to open a gallery.
I appear to be perfect," I recited, "But deep down inside, I really am.
Your 90% of the reason I get up in the morning the other 10% is I need to pee
Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.
That awkward moment when you speak to someone for 5 seconds and they find you on facebook the next day...like I didn't give you my name how the fuck did you find me dude!!
You say you have enemies? Well done. That means you stood up for something you believed in at some point.
I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Two blondes walked into a bar, the third one ducked.
Music is like candy, you have to throw out all the wrappers.
Some people just need a hug...around their neck...with a rope
It's funny until somebody gets hurt, then it's hilarious
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
"I wasn't that drunk..."
"Trust comes from belief; you trust your friends because you believe in them. You trust a liar to lie because you believe he will. You don't trust a traitor to help you because you can't believe that he won't betray you again. It's all about belief."
Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them
You call me a bitch? A bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on a tree, trees are part of nature and all nature is beautiful. So thanks for the complement!
I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.
Back in the old days, when men beat stick on the ground and cursed, they called it witchcraft. These days they call it golf.
I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Today, I introduced my boyfriend, Alex, to my parents. Everyone knows he's pretty emo, but this didn't stop my dad from looking him up and down and saying, "Honey, you never told us you were a lesbian." FML (this was posted as someone's summary in the Naruto Category...it was brilliant!!!)
Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me...hehehehe...
Kids in back seats cause accidents. Accidents in back seats cause kids.
Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy
Do you know why Pita is a good nickname for any people who annoy you? Cause it stands for Pain-In-The-Ass.
If you don't like me then remember, its mind over matter: i dont mind and you don't matter
They say true love hides behind every corner: i must be walking in circles!
People like you are the reason we have middle fingers
When life gives you lemons throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them as much
I couldn't repair your brakes so i made your horn louder
I may be drunk madam, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly
I wonder why it is called a piggy-back. Are they insinuating that I am fat? Bastards.
Someday we'll look back at this and plow into a parked car
“But of course, we all know that you're wrong, and I'm right, and that cuttlefish are a species that, my dear friends, should never be forgotten. And how are cuttlefish related to our current situation, you must be wondering. To put it simply; they're not, but I enjoy being completely random at times that seem…completely random. And therefore; I say we must talk about cuttlefish.” -Excerpt From: “It's Rikudou Hiraishin to You!.”
whoever said nothing's impossible, obviously never tried slamming a revolving door!
if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?
if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
I just stepped on a cornflake. Now, I am officially a cereal killer
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a veggie?
Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?
STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.
Funny pick up line: "I'm Gay, think you can convert me?"
Growing old is mandatory, growing up however...
I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me!
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and bitch slap someone.
I don't suffer from insanity, I am enjoying every minute of it.
I believe that you should live everyday as if it’s your last, which is why my room is such a mess. I mean come on who wants to clean their room on their last day?!
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver...
Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
If you don't like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalks.
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young
"...you're an idiot...", "...I know... You must be rubbing off on me"
I used to be normal, then I met the freaks I call friends
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!!
Sometimes I lie awake at night asking myself what I've done wrong, then the voice in my head says, " This is going to take more then one night..."
The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree.
I didn't say it was your fault...just that I was going to blame you
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
Guns don’t kill people. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' with a gun in hand I don't think you'd kill many people...
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking
“Everyone knows Barney was the king of life lessons. Sesame just taught you to keep your mother-fucking cookies to yourself.” - Excerpt From: “A Place to Belong.”
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Seriously? It's just a glass of water!"
All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.
The trouble with life, is there's no background music.
A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
My mind isn't twisted, it's sprained.
Common sense is the enemy of comedy.
Sarcasm isn't an attitude,it's an ART
My attiention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you at the same time.
Knowledge is power; Power is the root of all evil. Therefore study evil and excel at it.
What is this 'kindness' you speak of?
Why don't you slip into something comfertable; like a coma. I will gladly help you.
When in doubt...throw a chair.
If the opposite of pro is con,what's the opposite of Progress?
Only two things are infinite: 1)The universe 2) Human stupidity
There are few problems that can not be solved with large ammounts of explosives.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Girls Are Like Phones; They Like To Be Held and Talked To but If You Push the Wrong Button You Get D.I.S.C.O.N.N.E.C.T.E.D
Hunni If You’re Gonna Be Two-Faced At Least Make One Pretty
It's True That We Don't Know What We Have Until We Lose It, But It's Also True That We've Don't Know What We've Been Missing Until It's Arrived
There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People
You Laugh Because I'm Weird, I Laugh Because You Just Figured It Out.
If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do
Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain
If You Die In An Elevator Make Sure To Press The "Up" Button
Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!
Education is important; school however, is another matter.
Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
The Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep have the same tune.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good.
Dear Mathematics- I am not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Warning: If zombies chase us, I'm tripping you.
If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.
To some, silence is golden and ducktape is silver, but to me, they're one and the same.
Funeral: Noun. The only place where 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologise' mean two completely different things.
Karma: We cut paper, paper cuts us.
Death is like taxes; Other things may come and go in life, but only these are inevitable.
Here is a funny passage my friend sent to me a while ago:
One of my favorite lines from HP bk 5:
Malfoy glanced around. Harry knew he was looking for signs of a teacher. Looking back at Harry, he said in a low voice, "You're dead, Potter."
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Funny," he said, "you'd think I'd have stopped walking around."
Cars: Do not operate vehicle while asleep.
Iron: Do not iron clothes while on body.
Knife: May be sharp.
Bag of Peanuts: May contain nuts.
Chuck Norris Jokes
"Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone."
"When Alexander Bell invented the phone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The grizzly bear isn't dead, it's just too afraid to move."
"Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is logic."
"There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives."
"Some wizards can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land."
"Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter."
"Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants."
"Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience."
"Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice."
"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding."
"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffs."
"When Chuck Norris does push ups, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the world down."
"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live."
"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."
"Chuck Norris starred in all three Star Wars movies... as the Force."
(Disclaimer again! I don't own the following statements. I copied it from abbzeh's profile page so that I can continuously read it when I'm mad at my mom.)
You know, in Harry Potter, mothers play a great role, and they should never be forgotten:
Lily Potter: She sacrificed herself for her only son, saving him from Voldemort's wrath.
Mrs Crouch: She chose to take her only son's place in Azkaban and die alone and forgotten, only to save his life.
Narcissa Malfoy: She chose to lie to Voldemort, a master legilimens, so she could see her son again.
Nymphadora Tonks: She chose to fight again, despite having an infant son, so that he could live in a better world.
Molly Weasley: She chose to kill Bellatrix Lestrange when her daughter, and the rest of her family, was threatened.
This is how a Professor explained Marketing Concepts to a class:
1. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a Gorgeous Girl. One of your friends goes upto her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich.Marry him!"
3. You are at a party and see a Gorgeous Girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can I marry you?"
4. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
5. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
6. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and before you say: "I m rich, Marry me!", your wife arrives.
Here is a very disturbing joke:
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophilia, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.
"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophilia.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
Silence took over... and the masochist says: