Author has written 25 stories for DarkWing Duck, Count Duckula, StarTrek: Other, Looney Tunes, Alvin and the chipmunks, StarTrek: The Original Series, Doctor Who, and Disney.
Darkwing Duck: Left Wing - 25 hours left to go!
sEE, i CAN fINISH some THINGS!
Things You Need to Learn in Order to be a Great Super-Villain
#1: There's no such thing as 'can't'. Only your belief makes it real and keeps you a lowly henchman.
#2: There are popularity lists and you're not on them. Deal with it.
#3: Anything is possible if the desire to obtain it is strong enough. Have a lengthy list of long term goals and a vision that you want so badly you can almost taste it.
#4: Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil!
#5: Have multiple exit strategies. Have a plan A, plan B and a plan C for every project scheme.
#6: Everyone has problems. But few people write themselves a list of solutions to brainstorm and go systematically through.
#7: Emotions are your undoing! Never get emotionally attached to your projects. If plan A, B or C all look pretty lousy on the drawing board move on to the next project.
#8: Forego the losing battle and win the war. If it doesn't work get over it; one battle is insignificant when it's the entire game you're trying to win. There will be another day. Another battle. Make a stand where you can take the play.
#9: Patience is a virtue. As a fly comes to the frog. Good things come to those who wait.
The top lesson of the day is:
You pretty much have only two choices in life:
Deal with the crisis now or add it to the list.
Go for 100% Zen and live happy and longer.
Try not to take it personally.
The person whose license gets suspended because they don't go in to report that someone else was doing the speeding in their car will live ten years longer than the person who got very upset over it and got their license back. Let's face it, anyone capable of that much of a shrug off is being impressively Zen.
Also, try to put more natural sunlight in your day.
And eat that banana before it gets overripe and gets very bad for you.
FAMOUS WRITERS COURSE
1. Start by just getting into it
2. Final title and opening line for your very specific audience
(The year 1866 was marked by a series of remarkable incidents, and a mysterious phenomenon that excited people everywhere.) 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
3. Take notes on your life, thoughts and research subjects
4. Make an outline with a beginning, middle and an end
5. Use your notes to fill in details
6. End on a punchline
The Latest F-unny Thing from the Office ...
= It's a Conspiracy! =
These people are American.
Worker 1 phone: "... You know; you sound like you have an American accent. Are you American?"
Man's voice off: "Crystal, she's onto us. She knows we're American. What do we do?"
Worker 2 to Worker 1 later: "You know; Crystal sounds like she's American."
Worker 1: "I'm with you ...!"
What is Adult-itis?
Long bouts of morbidity interspersed with short bouts of stupidity.
Recommendation: Avoid making too many life changing decisions when you're going through a stupid phase.
What is Failure?
Failure can look like anything really. You failed your exam. Your relationship failed. You failed to observe a rather pertinent road sign. It could be really fast and you're in hospital or it could take twenty five years before your marriage is so overgrown with weeds that all the flowers have been choked out of your relationship. (FYI people don't just stand there, say something and weed! Do something or go someplace together and plant more flowers! Dedicate some time to each other and stay happy ... together!)
In a comic 'failure' is often caricaturised with just one huge bolded yellow word surrounded by a big red and white highlighting like the word: "Slam!"
The assignment lands on your desk with a Slam! The door Slam!'s and they're never coming back. You Slam! your foot on the brakes.
This may all be a subliminal reference harking back to the ancient western proverb: "One door closes..."
Whatever guise failure comes in, a good physical metaphor for any failure would be 'getting sucked through a funnel'. It is characterised by a typical whirlpool of disaster and doom followed by the eventual tight spot that ultimately forces you out into the unknown.
Failure is one of the causes of change. And change is a part of life. And life is a game. And a game is a challenge.
So failure is a challenge.
Excerpt from The Goon Show
"That's Crun. Grytpype, I thought you said you'd dealt with him?"
"Yes I did you see, but the plan misfired. He booked on the S.S. Spon and on the third day out from London at midnight I locked him in his kibin; I put bars across his porthole; next I planted a bomb in his stokehold; ten minutes later - whoosh, up went the ship."
- The Goon Show: The Great Ink Shortage.
A 747 crashed in a cemetery. 1,146 bodies have been recovered so far.
Just call me 'Fred'.
Right Said Fred (Cup of Tea)
#"Right," said Fred, "Both of us together
"Right," said Fred, "Give a shout for Charlie."
And Charlie had a think, and he thought we ought to take off all the handles
Took its feet off, even took the seat off
"Alright," said Fred, "Have to take the door off
"Right," said Fred, " Have to take the wall down,
And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred,
"All right," said Fred, climbing up a ladder
(I said to Charlie, "We'll just have to leave it
1962, by Myles Rudge (lyrics) & Ted Dicks (music)
The Top Ten signs that your alter ego is really Negaduck:
10. You and little children do not get along.
9. Your day isn't complete without a little chaos and mayhem.
8. You insist that you don't care what anybody says.
7. If they do say something wrong, they'll shortly be knowing about it.
6. Your night isn't complete without a little destruction and insanity.
5. You have an unconfirmed suspicion that vegetarianism may be a psychological disorder.
4. You own high quality gardening tools but you seem to be missing a garden that would warrant having them.
3. Beloved family pets tend to die or go strangely missing under your care.
2. Too much romantic drivel makes you go crazy and want to rip something apart with your bare hands.
And the top sign that your alter ego is Negaduck:
1. You don't mind a little bit of romance so long as it has a huge side order of destruction and chaos!
"Will he be gruff and pedantic or bane and grim?"
= Q muses on what Spock would be like in their first meeting =
Once more to the breach dear friends ...
To lose doesn't necessarily mean you've failed. (J Laws)
"Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup."
= Dr. Zoidberg =
"The obviousness of this pun belittles us all."
= Brain from Pinky and the Brain in Tiny Toons' Franken-mira skit =
"The Doctor talks too much ... Can't we reprogram him or something?"
= Naomi Wildman in Star Trek: Voyager's 'Once Upon a Time' =
Count Duckula rarely seen credits
Episode 14 The Vampire Strikes Back - 'Space Consultant' by Hugh Stun
= Bugs Bunny =
"What is this? Can't I waste one crummy vampire?" Negaduck grits teeth and looks lividly at the fourth wall. "Well?"
Yes. I am evil.
Deal with it.
Here are the dead, buried and forgotten rules for working towards a peaceful co-existence:
Always do your best to be respectful of the needs of others.
Act the way you'd like to be and soon you'll be the way you act. (George W. Crae)
This is my most absolute #1 all time favourite song in the whole wide world. It always makes me feel better guaranteed 100%. Here's the karaoke version:
#I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind
she's got issues
now she talks about her ex non-stop but i don't mind
I don't know why you're all messed up
now i know she'll feel abandoned if I don't stay over late
Oh man she's got issues
if you think I'm controlling
I don't know why you're all messed up
= THE OFFSPRING =
Reality check #01: You're not perfect.
Reality check #02: You can't be perfect no matter how much you wish to be.
Reality check #06: The law of diminishing returns tells us that 75% of the time you spend is on getting the last 25% right. Reverse yourself out of the habit and you get much more done in the same space of time. Just don't fall below 'normal' generally acceptable standards. Whatever that is.
Reality check #07: Give it a rest. Get over it. Get on with your life.
QUESTION: "ARE YOU HUMAN?"
(Having been asked this question approximately twenty seven times in a short amount of time I felt this question deserved some proper deliberation.)
Top 13 Answers:
13. And do I ask you if you're an orange coloured flashy rectangular click-on-me advertisement pop up box? No. Why? Because I don't care.
12. Irrelevant. Whether I am human or not has no effect on my interest in the web page content that I am currently viewing.
11. What do you want to rub it in for? Quit it.
10.What a morbid fascination you have with a simple biological/technological categorisation. This begs me to ask the question: 'Are you?'
9. What's it to you ... punk?
8. Negative. I am a meat popsicle.
7. Well, they say: 'you are what you eat' so ...
6 . I don't think I should answer that question without my lawyer present.
5. Illogical ... illogical ... does ... not ... compute ... but doctor, I love you! (Head Explodes)
4. I used to be. But I got over it. Soon enough, you will too.
3. Read my beak:
2. WE ARE THE BORG ... YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED ... RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
And the Number One Answer is:
1. No, I am a GOD.
It's all in the attitude.
Life is what you make of It.
Believe in yourself.
If you're going through hell - KEEP GOING.
Binkie & Honker:
I am the master vampire that heads Hamil Corporation. I have 100% of the shares. I own the imaginary buildings. I wrote every policy, every procedure, I hired every single fictitious employee. I make not a cent in this endeavour, yet it spans right across the multiverse, in numerous continuums. Whereever there may be vampires lurking, look out!
Look out for that big skyscraper, with so many lights on inside although it's nearly eight o'clock at night. When you're walking down a busy street, stop and wonder about that blank green door jammed between the coffee shop and the hairdressers. If you live in the country, think about the restaurant that you've never visited. And if you happen to go in, what are all those other people really eating?
Vampires (featured in the Dark Duck universe, the Dark Negaverse and in the Phantom Duck tangent universe):
I have my own list of rules on the subject of vampires which I could exposition for the rest of eternity. Ask me for details at your own risk.
Horror Rated for Vampire Content:
Never in my whole life, did I ever really believe that vampires constituted an automatic horror rating. But the psychology from whence they come, now that's the horror of it. The darkness from which they spring is very real, and it can be found in each and every individual on this planet since before humans began keeping time.
The real reason a vampire has no reflection, is because they are a reflection ... of ourselves. The real reason that a vampire craves and lusts and pines is because some natural things in our heads often go unheard and unaddressed.
STORY ARC PROJECTIONS FOR DARK DUCK:
I introduce my theory of vampires on the Duckverse, make Darkwing Duck dark, make Darkwing Duck a vampire, implode the Fearsome Five, and then I keep on running.
For those of you who are mystified by my subliminal formatting change messages, CAPS-LOCK below is the Fan fiction.net status of the story (if there is one).
Dark Duck - Vampires of St Canard
Dark Duck - Love Forever After
After so many years, his father's killer has finally struck again. Can Darkwing get to the killer, or will Grizlykoff get to Drake Mallard? This is one of those 'see the dust settle on this one!' stories. Along with the heavy implications, it is almost a mystery story. (I'd never sully that great and dignified category; I know I can write a mystery about as well as a dog can climb a ladder.) The mystery has to take a back seat, because if Drake Mallard is dead, Darkwing Duck won't be solving any mysteries ... ever again.
Time covered: About a week
Relevant social topic content: dealing with loss.
Dark Duck - Wisteria
Time covered: A few days!
Dark Duck - Slayer at Large
Time covered: Less than a month!
Dark Duck - Booked and Doomed
Time covered: A week
Relevant social topic content: Relationships
Authorial Note: Wow, yes, this story has definitely had a massive rewrite.
Dark Duck - Tricks with Mirrors
Ends on Hallowe'en
Dark Duck - A Bigger Gun
Time covered: This all happens in a week. Happy birthday, boys.
Relevant social topic content: never let your fears beat you. Or something along those lines.
Dark Duck - Never Eat the Ones You Love
Dark Duck - From this Angle
Time covered: Early days in December
Dark Duck - Return of the Mad Plant Scientist
Can Bushroot succeed in mustering his courage, intellect and leafy good looks in order to rescue himself from ... er ... himself?
Time covered: January-Early April
Authorial note: I need to reverse the polarity of the final stretch to actually achieve a close and I have a great opportunity to rewrite Tuskernini's mini-plot and make it truly fiendishly fun.
Dark Duck - Dark Spirit
With Darkwing Duck off the streets, Quiverwing turns to Negaduck for help on her latest case and the super villain is only too glad to help the fledgling crime fighter.
Time covered: Early April-School Holidays so about three weeks all up. Happy birthday, sweetie-pie.
=Three year gap=
Dark Duck - Just a Nightmare
Time covered: Hours!
Dark Duck - Continuum Conundrum
Prologue: Dark Warrior Duck's Vision
Special thanks to Phoenix Ridefor sharing Metalwing Duck with me.
POSTING ON REQUEST
Time covered: (Not including the prologue) four days maximum.
Dark Duck - Beneath Me
DW - Left Wing
This is written entirely from Gos's POV, and that includes this blurb, so I can't tell you what happens, you'll have to read it as she goes. In addition, although I've used Dark Duck continuity, it doesn't once have the V word! There is occasional use of the L word, and it's K-Rated all the way through. Go me!
Time covered: A month with September school holidays in the middle of it.
Authorial Note: VAPX007. Never write this gunk again. Never.
=One Year Gap=
Dark Duck - The Reluctant Vampire
Following directly on from Left Wing is a two part spontaneously combustible tale of passionate determination and sincere deceit.
Fifteen months later and school is over. It's January and Quiverwing tries to settle into her new job but her other job is being a Vampire Slayer and now it's gotten extremely personal.
It starts again in the summery July holidays when January's case has come back to hunt them.
Authorial Note: Darn it, it seems complete enough but it seems to have turned into the same problem as with The Return of the Mad Plant Scientist in that It has No End. Clearly as with the other I'll need to reverse the polarity on the closing stretch and choose a definitive end.
That's not the last of it because at this stage I still have ... LOOSE ENDS.
STORY ARC PROJECTIONS FOR COSMODUCK:
A recycled theory I do not tire of. Not unlike "Survivor - Bermuda Triangle" "Law and Order -GothamCity" "CSI - Your postcode here" "Alien and Predator - Do Dallas." (Except rated for General Audience.)
Cosmoduck: To Boldly Go Where No Duck Has Gone Before
Cosmoduck: 001101100 Things To Do While Space Docked
Cosmoduck: What Are Little Boys Made Of?
Cosmoduck: Hunting Season
Cosmoduck: Bride of Vampirian
Cosmoduck: Unimatrix Zero
Cosmoduck: The Big Goodbye
NON-CONTIGUOUS STORIES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER PER CATEGORY:
Darkwing Duck: Let's Get Dangerous
Darkwing Duck: Streaks of White
Okay, so I haven't gotten this anywhere near ready for posting yet but it is a freaky story.
Darkwing Duck: Phantom Duck
Chapter 3: Without Darkwing Duck or S.H.U.S.H., criminals began running the streets of St. Canard. For this reason, civilians caught out after dark often never return home to their families.
The Dark Negaverse: The Armani Vampire
Who knew a trip through the Dark Negaverse could be such an emotional rollercoaster?
Count Duckula: The Turning
Count Duckula eats vegetables and walks in the light without even thinking twice about it. He's bored and he's lonely. He craves social acceptance and excitement, not horror and mayhem. But even for this well-wisher to society, there are still some people that really get under his feathers.
Count Duckula: The Turning Alternate 1
Alvin and The Chipmunks: Brothers
Looney Tunes: Life Without Bugs
10th Doctor Who: It Doesn't End There
A formulaic story with an extremely obvious solution. Snowflake is like writing by paradigm. I am heavily relying on my Snowflake analysis for the first time, so in these ways it's as novel an attempt as any other story I've written.
Doctor Who: They Don't Need Air
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