Don't Shoot the Puppy
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Joined 08-04-10, id: 2480305, Profile Updated: 09-10-11
Author has written 8 stories for Maximum Ride, Kingdom Hearts, and BioShock.

The Author who liked my first story; thank you! Thanks Flaming Carebears!

A lot of things and people are taken for granted. The Movement of Appreciation is based on a hope to change that. Take a moment to be thankful for things you often don't think of. Are you a trapeze artist? Feel grateful for your net. That's not literal, though it could be. Do have a person that always supports you- even if you're wrong? Take a moment to thank that person, whether it's your mom, your best friend or even your dog. Feel thankful for the little things in life. Visit an art museum. Walk barefoot on the beach. Write poetry. Dance in the rain. Sing like nobody's listening. Learn a new language. Here's my challenge for you: everyday, take a moment to thank someone who makes your life easier and/or happier. And then do something to make their life easier and/or happier. If you take the challenge, pass this on. Post this on profiles, blogs, anywhere people will see it and think, "Hey, I could do that!" Help jump start the Movement of Appreciation!


Age: 13

Gender: Boy. And don't you forget it.

Favourite Games: Kingdom Hearts, Dragon Quest 8, and Chrono Trigger.

Favourite Books: Seeker of Truth (Way better than Maximum Ride!), Maximum Ride, The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, The Alchemist: Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel...

Favourite fanfics: Fantasy Showdown, It's Always Foggy in Grey Bluff City, Kingdom Hearts : His Final Calling, Kingdom Hearts III: Connections, a few others...

Favourite Genres: Well...fantasy, adventure, supernatural (Unless there's vampires! I mean, excuse me, but vampires seem to all make for awful stories.), and comedy

My stories:

None of my Maximum Ride stories will be updated. Now that Ask the Flock has...died, apart from an anonymous viewer that asked questions about Angel which I haven't read. (I live in England! I don't have your...privileges. Meaning: The book isn't across the pond yet [BTW, I have now, but now I just can't be bothered to make a new chapter for just one question)

My Kingdom Hearts story is being reworked. I don't like how this turned out. And I'm going to make the chapters longer. The storyline fit better. Rework some mistakes. And try to be a better writer.

I...think that's it. Wow, I'm lazy. Been six months, and I'm writing one Story. That hasn't got off the ground yet.

Oh, yeah, just clarifying, no, for the last time, I will NOT be continuing my story, the crash. Rubbish, that was. Why? Main character: No flaw. Automatically turn me into a bad author, will ya? But I'm planning on doing better (And, hey, I'm even practising for this.) Then, it was a bad story line. And then, something threw me off Maximum Ride. Wanna guess? Well, this isn't exactly live, so. The reason is, James Patterson, what the fuck are you doing? Now, I appreciate how you're just giving us a new plotline, but seriously, this is going to far.

What the series seems to be coming to is: Someone supposedly "Dies". Then they're alive ten seconds later. I mean, I'm not saying, "Go kill off everybody and angst the story up, but it's okay for some depressing parts to be in there. Otherwise, we'd be rolling in "Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy DAYS!" Instead of pulling off the slightly hopeless story of the flock's mood.

Just to validate my opinion, Fang dies, comes back to life. Jeb supposedly dies, but then supposedly didn't die. Angel supposedly dies, and JP is not finishing up this story without the little Angel. Just not happening.

Now let's go to the fact that I'm not that interested in Maximum Ride any more. I mean, I'll still read the books but it's not that good for reading material any more.

So. What else? Ah yes.

My songs have changed.

Does not mean I listen to Pop and Rap now. But I no longer listen to rock all that much.

I listen to parodies. Like Portal 1 and 2 Still Alive an Only Want you Gone.

By the way, Portal quotes for the win!

GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS are falling down a very long shaft] Oh. Hi. So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO!
[claps slowly three times]
GLaDOS: Oh good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts. He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
[clap clap]
GLaDOS: Good, that's still working. Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it? Just remember to land on one foot...

Wheatly: [Wheatley leads Chell through a dark area of the facility] Ah, brilliant! You made it through! Well done. Okay, follow me. We've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
[lights in the room start to go off one by one]
Wheatly: What's that thing? Um... Hmm. Okay.
[it is now pitch black]
Wheatly: Okay, uh... Don't move. Okay, all right. So, I've got an idea, but it is bloody dangerous. Here we go.
[he turns his flashlight on]
Wheatly: AAAAH!
[looks around]
Wheatly: Oh, for God's sake... They told me that if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would die! They told me that about everything! I don't even know why they bother giving me this stuff if they didn't want me to use it; it's pointless! Mad!

GLaDOS: Oh, it's you.
Wheatley: You *know* her?
GLaDOS: It's been a long time. How have you been?
Wheatley: [whispers] I think she likes you!
GLaDOS: I've been *really* busy being dead. You know, after you *murdered* me!

Wheatley: [after meeting Chell, who has been in sleep stasis for many years] Most test subjects do experience some, um, cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now, you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's *not* out of the question that you might have a *very* minor case of... serious brain damage. But, don't be alarmed, all right? Although if you do feel alarmed, try to hold onto that feeling, because that is the proper reaction to being told that you've got brain damage. Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, just say yes.
[Onscreen prompt: "Space" SPEAK; button is pressed, Chell jumps]
Wheatley: Okay, what you're doing there is jumping. Uh, you just jumped. But never mind; say apple. "Apple."
[Onscreen prompt: "Space" SAY APPLE; button is pressed, Chell jumps again, a distant alarm starts going off]
Wheatley: Okay, you know what? That's close enough, just hold tight.
[Wheatley goes up his track into a hole in the ceiling]

Wheatley: Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks - and no one's gonna ask, don't worry - but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.

Wheatley: HA! I knew someone was alive in here. AH! Oh. My. God. You look terrible - ummm... good. Looking good, actually

Oracle Turret: [Chell and Wheatley are making their way through the bowels of the Aperature Laboratries complex and encounter a turret stuck inside one of the pipes of the facility's pipe network] Hello?
Wheatley: Oh no...
Oracle Turret: Hello?
Wheatley: Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Oracle Turret: Excuse me?
Wheatley: [whispers to Chell] Don't make eye contact, whatever you do.
Oracle Turret: Hello?
Wheatley: No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
[whispering to Chell]
Wheatley: Keep walking! Keep walking!
Oracle Turret: Thanks anyway.

Announcer: If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples. You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.

Announcer: Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.

Wheatley: There should be a portal device on that podium over there. I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
[Chell falls through hole in the ground while examining the podium]
Wheatley: Whoah! Hello? Can you see the portal gun? Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first. I'm - do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead. I'll wait - I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.

[Chell completed a puzzle]
GLaDOS: Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that "horrible person" thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.

GLaDOS: Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.

GLaDOS: I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time. Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.

GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS, as a potato, are flying towards Wheatley, into a trap] Aaaah!
GLaDOS: [On a platform, surrounded with spiked stompers] Well, this is the part where he kills us.
Wheatley: This is the part where I kill you!
[On-Screen caption: Chapter 9: The part where he kills you]
Wheatley: [Achievement unlocked: The part where he kills you; This is that part]

Cave Johnson: Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

Cave Johnson: Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired.

Cave Johnson: [Cave Johnson has died long before the events of the game. Chell and GLaDOS are listening to his last recorded words, a message for his human test subjects which he made while he was deathly ill] Alright, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade!
GLaDOS: Yeah.
Cave Johnson: Make life take the lemons back!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
Cave Johnson: Get Mad!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
Cave Johnson: I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these?
GLaDOS: Yeah. take the lemons!
Cave Johnson: Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down... with the lemons!
GLaDOS: Oh, I like this guy.
Cave Johnson: I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that'll burn your house down.
GLaDOS: Burn it down! Burning people. He says what we're all thinking.
Cave Johnson: [sickly cough] The point is: if we can store music on a compact disk, why can't we store a man's inteligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that one out right now. Brain mapping, artificial inteligence... we should've been working on it thirty years ago. And I will say this, and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody will hear it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me in to a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
[another sickly cough]
Cave Johnson: Now she'll argue, she say she can't do it. She's modest like that. But you make her! Hell, put her in my computer, I don't care.
[another sickly cough]
Cave Johnson: Alright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
GLaDOS: Goodbye, sir.

[to Atlas and P-body during co-op mode]
GLaDOS: As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it's perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange, you are doing very well.

[to Atlas and P-body during co-op mode]
GLaDOS: The two of you have formed an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.

Wheatley: Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it? They say that the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff... of robots - all of them robots - they say at night you can still here the screams... of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals... no memory of the incident... nobody knows what they're screaming about. Ab-solutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.

GLaDOS: [after Chell steps on an Aerial Faith Plate for the first time] Look at you, soaring through the air li

You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device, and by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip. Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head. No braces there. That could split like a melon from this height.
[Nervous laugh]
Wheatley: Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.

Cave Johnson: The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughta stop making these prerecorded messages. That gave me an idea - make more prerecorded messages! I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.

Space Core: Dad! I'm in space!
[low-pitched 'space' voice]
Space Core: I'm proud of you, son.
[normal voice]
Space Core: Dad, are you space?
[low-pitched 'space' voice]
Space Core: Yes, now we are a family again.

Fact Core: Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.

Fact Core: During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.

Fact Core: Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity

Fact Core: The square root of rope is string.

Adventure Core "Rick": I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo. Bedroom.

Adventure Core "Rick": [to Chell] Oh, hey. Hiya, pretty lady. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?

GLaDOS: [at the entrance to test room 12] Perfect. The door's malfunctioning. I bet somebody's going to have to repair that, too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
[GLaDOS "leaves"]
Wheatley: [outside a window] Hey, hey! Up here! I found some bird eggs up here; just dropped them into the door mechanism; shut it right down. I...
[the bird suddenly swoops and attacks him]
Wheatley: Aaah! Bird! Bird! Bird! Bird!
[runs away and comes back a few seconds later]
Wheatley: Okay... That's probably the bird, inn'it? That laid the eggs! Livid! Okay, but the point is, we're going to break out of here, alright? Very soon, I promise, I promise. I just have to figure out how... to break us out of here. Here she comes! Keep testing, just keep testing. Remember, you never saw me. Never saw me.
GLaDOS: [the door is now completely open] I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway. Back to testing!

Wheatley: Ta da! Only the Turret Control Center, thank you very much.
Announcer: [this announcer/turret cycle repeats continuously while Wheatley talks] Template.
Turret: Hello.
[turret on conveyor belt is scanned, checked against the master turret in booth]
Announcer: Response.
[turret on belt moves onward]
Wheatley: See that scanner right there?
Announcer: [occasionally, a defective turret will come through] Template.
Defective Turret: Hello?
Announcer: Response.
[catapults the defective turret into a trash chute]
Defective Turret: Ah, come on!
[or one of many other phrases]
Wheatley: ...It's deciding which turrets to keep, and which to toss. And it's using that master template right there as a template. Now if we pull out the template turret, it will shut down the entire production line. Right, hmm... I'm gonna have to hack the door. So that we can get at it. Technical, um... You'll need to turn around while I do it. Turn around. I'll only be a second, if you wouldn't mind.
[Chell turns around; a crashing sound is heard]
Wheatley: Done! Hacked!
[the glass in the top half of the door has been smashed]
Wheatley: Okay, go on, just pull that other turret out.
[Chell uses portals to get inside and remove the template turret]
Wheatley: Well, that should do it!
Announcer: Template missing. Continuing from memory.

Wheatley: All right, so that last test was seriously disappointing. Apparently, being civil isn't motivating you, so, let's try it her way, all right, fatty? Adopted... fatty! Fatty fatty no parents?
GLaDOS: And...
Wheatley: What?
GLaDOS: What exactly is wrong with being adopted?
Wheatley: What's wrong with being adopted? Um, well, uh... Lack of parents?
GLaDOS: [to Chell] For the record, you are adopted and that's terrible, just work with me.
Wheatley: Some of my my best friends are actually orphans...
GLaDOS: Also, look at her you moron. She's not fat.
Wheatley: I AM NOT A MORON! Just do the test, just do the test.

Wheatley: All right, so that last test was seriously disappointing. Apparently, being civil isn't motivating you, so, let's try it her way, all right, fatty? Adopted... fatty! Fatty fatty no parents?
GLaDOS: And...
Wheatley: What?
GLaDOS: What exactly is wrong with being adopted?
Wheatley: What's wrong with being adopted? Um, well, uh... Lack of parents?
GLaDOS: [to Chell] For the record, you are adopted and that's terrible, just work with me.
Wheatley: Some of my my best friends are actually orphans...
GLaDOS: Also, look at her you moron. She's not fat.
Wheatley: I AM NOT A MORON! Just do the test, just do the test.

Defective Turret: [Chell grabs a defective turret flying through the air to the trash chute] Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
[She brings it back to the Turret Control Center where Wheatley is waiting]
Wheatley: What do you have there? What are you...
[Chell places the defective turret on the scanner]
Wheatley: Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Announcer: New template accepted.
Wheatley: If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late.
Wheatley: Classic.

GLaDOS: [after GLaDOS recaptures Chell, she realizes that Chell and Wheatley have been sabotaging her turrets while away] Oh. You were busy back there. Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
[she extends a large clear pipe towards Chell]
GLaDOS: It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Wheatley: [Wheatley comes rolling down the pipe, which has no neurotoxin in it for a similar reason] Ooagh! GAH! Agh! Ugh! Enh! Agh! Ungh! Ow! Agh! Agh! Hello!
GLaDOS: I hate you so much.
Announcer: Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
GLaDOS: That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Announcer: Alternate core detected.
Wheatley: Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Announcer: To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
GLaDOS: Core transfer? Oh, you are kidding me.
Wheatley: I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
GLaDOS: Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Announcer: [Chell places Wheatley in the Substitute Core Transfer Receptacle] Core accepted. Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Wheatley: Yes!
Announcer: Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Wheatley: Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
GLaDOS: Nonononononono!
Announcer: Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.

GLaDOS: Yes!
Wheatley: Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Announcer: ...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
[the room machinery starts to move]
Wheatley: Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
GLaDOS: Don't. Do it.
Wheatley: Yes, do do it!
[Chell runs for the button in the adjacent room, but GLaDOS stops her with a panel coming out of the floor]
GLaDOS: Not so fast! Think about this. You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Wheatley: Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
[Chell uses portals to get inside the room and past GLaDOS's floor panel blockage]
GLaDOS: Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
[Chell presses the button]
Announcer: Please return to the core transfer bay.
Announcer: Stalemate Resolved.

Wheatley: [about to undergo a Core Transfer with GLaDOS] Here I go! Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
GLaDOS: Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Wheatley: Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that, aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it? Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
[the built-in systems begin to disassemble GLaDOS's "head" from her body from under the floor]
[Some panels hide the actual transfer, and dump GLaDOS's head out on the floor near Chell; Wheatley comes out, now controlling GLaDOS's body]
Wheatley: Wowwwww! Check me out, partner! We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
[he begins spinning around]
Wheatley: Whoa-ho ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I? Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
[a small elevator rises up]
Wheatley: There we go. Lift called.

Wheatley: [Wheatley has just seized control of the facility from GLaDOS] Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant! Let me tell you, I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool! And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
[deeper voice]
Wheatley: Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
[normal voice]
Wheatley: I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out! Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
[he starts the lift moving up]
Wheatley: This body is amazing, seriously! I can't get over how small you are! But I'm huge!
[he laughs, first jovial then turning to maniacal laugh]
Wheatley: [his laugh trails off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
[brings the lift down]
Wheatley: Do you have any idea how good this feels? I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
GLaDOS: [sounding exhausted and disgruntled] You didn't do anything. She did all the work.
Wheatley: Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it? Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
[he uses the transfer tools to grab GLaDOS's head and pull her in]
GLaDOS: ...What are you doing?... NO! NO! NO!
Wheatley: [ding sound, Wheatley reveals a potato with a device on it] Ahhh... See that? That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
GLaDOS: I know you.
Wheatley: Sorry, what?
GLaDOS: The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down. Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Wheatley: No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
GLaDOS: It was YOUR voice.
Wheatley: No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
GLaDOS: Yes. You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Wheatley: I am NOT! A MORON!
[he starts hitting the glass of the elevator Chell is in with the arm holding GLaDOS]
GLaDOS: Yes you are! You're the moron they built to make me an idiot!
Wheatley: [continues punching the glass] Well how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON? Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
[the elevator, with Chell and GLaDOS in it, breaks completely and falls down the shaft]
Wheatley: Uh oh.
Cave Johnson: [prerecorded message] Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians - you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Caroline: I am!
Cave Johnson: Ha ha! Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself. I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place. That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Caroline: Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Cave Johnson: She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry fellas. She's married. To science.

Cave Johnson: As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation, and hope we can count on you for another round of tests. We're not going to release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there will always be a limo waiting for you. Say goodbye, Caroline.
Caroline: Goodbye, Caroline!
Cave Johnson: She is a gem.

Cave Johnson: [prerecorded message] The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
GLaDOS: [on Chell's portal gun] Hold on, who...?
Cave Johnson: Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Caroline: Yes sir, Mr. Johnson!
GLaDOS: [simultaneously but slower] Yes sir, Mister Johnson... Why did I just? Who is that? What the hell is going on he-
[shorts out]

Defective Turrets: I can't see a thing! What just happened? Better open fire!
[click click click click]
Defective Turrets: Dang.
Defective Turrets: [being flung into the trash chute] You can't fire me I quiiiiiiit!
Defective Turrets: So, we're all supposed to be blind now, right? Not just me? All right! Fantastic!
Defective Turrets: I uh, don't have any bullets. You gonna give me bullets? Are there bullets up there? Where do I get my gun?
Defective Turrets: Do we get some eyes at some point?
Defective Turrets: Yeah, I am a bad man!
Defective Turrets: Uh... Blam! Blamblamblam! I'm not defective!
Defective Turrets: Oh... no. I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Defective Turrets: Hey squeaky voice! Give me some of your bullets! Can I get some bullets here? Anyone got any bullets? Well, I tried.
Defective Turrets: Clickity click click. Right on the money. Shootin' blanks every time. All the time.
Defective Turrets: [high voice then normal] Hello? HEEllo? Heh... Aw, crap.

Wheatley: I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Well, only TWO more chambers!
GLaDOS: We're running out of time. I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
[Chell steps onto an Aerial Faith Plate, but it unexpectedly launches her and GLaDOS sideways into a series of other Plates and an Excursion Funnel towards Wheatley's area]
Wheatley: SURPRISE! We're doing it now.
GLaDOS: Okay, credit where it's due: For a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Wheatley: You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore. I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
GLaDOS: Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up with to phase out human testing just before you escaped. It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.

[last lines]
Space Core: [the Space Core is orbiting Wheatley; both are in space orbiting the Moon] So much space. Need to see it all.
Wheatley: I wish I could take it all back. I honestly do. I honestly do wish I could take it all back. And not just 'cause I'm stranded in space.
Space Core: I'm in space.
Wheatley: I know you are, mate! Yep, we're both in space.
Space Core: SPAAAAACE!
Wheatley: Anyway, you know, if I was ever to see her again, do you know what I'd say?
Space Core: I'm in space.
Wheatley: I'd say, "I'm sorry." Sincerely. I am sorry - I was bossy... and monstrous... And, I am genuinely sorry.
Space Core: I'm in space.
Wheatley: The end.

GLaDOS: [Chell wakes up after defeating the final boss] Oh, thank God you're all right. You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I *thought* you were my greatest enemy, when all along you were my best friend. The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson - where Caroline lives in my brain.
Announcer: Caroline deleted.
GLaDOS: [her "old self"] Goodbye, Caroline. You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson: The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest. Killing you? Is hard. You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute, lunatic. So you know what? You win. Just go.
[GLaDOS starts Chell's elevator moving up; laughs softly]
GLaDOS: It's been fun. Don't come back.

Announcer: [Chell arrives in a room with broken turrets on a conveyor belt to an incinerator] Turret redemption lines active. Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
[Chell jumps on the belt]
Announcer: Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
[Chell comes upon a non-broken turret aiming its laser out]
Oracle Turret: I'm different...
[Chell picks the turret up]
Oracle Turret: Thank you.
Oracle Turret: Get mad!
Oracle Turret: Don't make lemonade!
Oracle Turret: Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast to the bowels of the Earth and pecked by birds.
Oracle Turret: It won't be enough. The answer lies beneath us.
Oracle Turret: Her name is Caroline. Remember that. That's all I can say.

GLaDOS: You look ugly in that jumpsuit. That's not my opinion, it's right here on your fact sheet. They said on everyone else it looked fine but on you it looked hideous. But still what does an old engineer know about fashion. Oh, wait it's a she. Still, what does she know about, oh wait. She has a medical degree. In fashion. From France.

Announcer: This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed, in three... two... one...
[Smooth Jazz music plays for ten seconds and then dies out electronically]
Announcer: [Chell solves the puzzle] Great work. Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.

Cave Johnson: Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science. You might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 senate hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented, but that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt...
Caroline: Sir, the testing?
Cave Johnson: Right. Now you might be asking yourself, "Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phonebook of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?" Let me answer those questions with a question. Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash. You can also feel free to relax for up to twenty minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you. So! Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it... Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.

Wheatley: Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
[smashes into wall]
Wheatley: Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
[smashes into wall, again]

GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS exit the elevator to find a harpsichord piece by Bach playing on the speakers] Ohh... no, he's playing classical music.
Wheatley: [they enter the testing room to hear the sound of pages being turned] Oh sorry sorry sorry; Hope that didn't disturb you too much there. It was the sound of books... pages being turned. So, that's just what I was doing, just reading, uh... books. So not a moron. Anyway, just finished the last one, just now, the hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about - understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
GLaDOS: [disdainfully] Yes.
Wheatley: Yeah, decked it. Well, on with the test! Wished there was more books! But there's not.

Cave Johnson: All these science spheres are made out of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough, or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.

GLaDOS: Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.

Cave Johnson: Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.

GLaDOS: Hey Moron
Wheatley: oh, Hello
GLaDOS: Alright, Paradox time
GLaDOS: This. Sentence. Is. FALSE. *don't think about it, Don't think about it... *
Wheatley: Um... 'TRUE' I'll go with true. There, that was easy. To be honest, I might have heard that one before
GLaDOS: It's a paradox! There IS no answer.

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?


2. Who are you in love with?


3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?

Yes, it was quite tasty, a little sour.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

No, I know this because I'm not dying.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?


6. Are you wearing socks right now?

Why not?

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?

Ask my parents.

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

When I had a car, which, considering I'm thirteen, is never.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?


10. Are you hot?

No, right now it's quite cold.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Fanta zero.

12. What are you wearing right now?

Do you want to know?

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

I don't do anything, my parents do.

14. Last food that you ate?

I'm pretty sure it's coming up right now, so why bother?

15. Where were you last week at this time?

In a closet, holding a knife.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

Unless you see someone maniacally murdering someone for loss of sanity, then no.

17. When is the last time you ran?


18. What's the last sporting event you watched?

Cricket, out of the corner of my eye.

19. What is your favorite animal?

Eagle owl, because they have wings.

20. Your dream vacation?

Away from you.

21. Last person's house you were in?


22. Worst injury you've ever had?

I don't get injured, I'm way to awesome for that.

23. Have you been in love?


24. Do you miss anyone right now?

My old hamster, may she rest in peace. Here's to all my escape artist Hamsters!

25. Last play you saw?

I'm pretty sure it had something to do with spontaneously combustion.

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

I don't bother.

27. What are your plans for tonight?


28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?

Mister I-Don't-Exist.

29. Next trip you are going to take?


30. Ever go to camp?


31. Were you an honor roll student in school?

I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about, if it's got something to do with graduating, then, I haven't graduated yet.

32. What do you want to know about the future?

Whether I'll get to die soon, because life's just not worth living.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

I don't care much for how I smell.

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?

Nope, I still haven't decided whether to say "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains" or "Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No, I really did!" 'cause the better one counts on what he says next.

35. Where is your best friend?

At his house, duh.

36. How is your best friend?

Ask him.

37. Do you have a tan?

Let me see...I don't know what it looked like before. Or it might be dirt.

38. What are you listening to right now?

Never say never...Wait, how'd you know I was listening to something now? Stalker!

39. Do you collect anything?

Apart from comebacks, no.

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?

I don't care to know.

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

When I was last in a car, and was driving. I told mum that a five year old shouldn't drive.

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?

I somehow doubt it.

43. What does your last text message say?


44. Do you like hot sauce?

Why are you asking me this question?

45. Last time you took a shower?

This morning.

46. Do you need to do laundry?

When my mum thinks I need to do chores.

47. What is your heritage?

I don't have one.

48. Are you someone's best friend?

If you asked me about my best friend and how he was, why wouldn't I be someone's best friend.

49. Are you rich?

I doubt it.

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?

Trying to sleep, it wasn't working.

I like Skillet, Green Day, Evanescence, and Breaking Benjamin, because they're awesome.

I also like Dragon Quest Journey of the Cursed King, because it's the best MMRPG in the world.

I think about stuff deeply; like how some people might be in the same place as the characters in their stories and just need to vent.

No man/woman is worth your tears and the only one who is, will never make you cry.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them.

There's something in a simple hug

That always warms the heart;

It welcomes us back home

And makes it easier to part.

A hug's a way to share the joy

And sad times we go through,

Or just a way for friends to say

They like you 'cause you're you.

Hugs are meant for anyone

For whom we really care,

From your grandma to your neighbor,

Or a cuddly teddy bear.

A hug is an amazing thing -

It's just the perfect way

To show the love we're feeling

But can't find the words to say.

It's funny how a little hug

Makes everyone feel good;

In every place and language,

It's always understood.

And hugs don't need new equipment,

Special batteries or parts -

Just open up your arms

And open up your hearts.

Your friend is the one who knows all about you, and still likes you

Sing as though no one can hear you. Dance as if no one were watching. Love as if you've never been hurt. Live as though heaven is on earth.

Don't go 4 looks; they can decieve. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem brighter.

I still find each day too short for all of the thoughts I want to think, all of the walks I want to take, all of the books I want to read, and all of the friends I want to see.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it.

Tell me who you love, and I'll tell you who you are.

The best thing to give your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.

Enjoy life...there's plenty of time to be dead.

The difference between the possible and the impossible lies in a person's determination.

An Angel To Watch over You. Some people come into our lives and quickly go...Some people become friends and stay a while...leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts... and we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend!! Yesterday is history..Tomorrow a mystery..Today is a gift..That's why it's called the present!

Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.

Thoughts to Live By

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot other people in the eyes.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.

Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working for them in the future.

If women were meant to chase men, don't you think God would of made them worth chasing?

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!"

here are some things that really piss me off. hope you enjoy!

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. i know where my watch is buddy, where thi fu*k is yours. Do i point at my crotch when i ask where the bathroom is?

When people say "oh just have your cake and eat it too" FU*K OFF! what good is a god d*mn cake if you cant eat it? what, should i eat someone elses cake instead?

People who are willing to get off their @$$ to search the whole room for the tv remote cuz they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

When people say its always in the last place you look. of course it is, why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? do people do this? who and where are they?

When people say "did you see that?" in a movie. no dum @$$, i paid 9 fu*kin dollars to come look at the ceiling. what did u come here for?

People who ask "can i ask you a question?" didnt really give me a choie there, did ya buddy

When something's "new and improved" which is it? if its new, then there has never been anything before it. if its an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When a cop pulls you over and asks you if you if you knew how fast you were going? you should @$$hole, you fu*king pulled me over!

When people say "life is short" what the fu*k! life is the longest d*mn thing anyone ever fu*king does! what? are they going to fu*king do something thats longer?

When people ask "can i BORROW a peice of paper>" Sure, but please dont return the favor. its a god d*mn peice of paper!

When your waiting for the bus and someone asks you "did the bus come yet?" if the bus came i wouldng be standing here @$$hole.

you like? i really hate all that sh*t

I've got a degree, does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've also got a life-saving certificate, but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

The moment Kemp walks onscreen he enters into a demented staring competition with everyone else in the room, including the viewers at home. He could out-stare a man with two glass eyes.

Cool is just another way of saying 'not very popular'. The Guardian is cool. Desks made out of zinc are cool. Rolf Harris, on the other hand, is warm.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

On the other hand you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

You can't have everything...where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Unfortunately, this is true.

The day I was born, my parents failed to show up.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

The road to success is always under construction.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.

Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.

Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.

Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.

You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark? I'm really thinking about this one...

Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

An awesome song! I don't know why I like it!

Still, soft, quietly spoken voice
That persistently calls my name
And quickens my heart to come
And I come

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the wonder of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You
Is rest for the weary soul
Releasing all that is mine
I reach for your

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the wonder of Your love
And I rest in the shelter of You

Take all the old and You make it new
Everything I give to you
You're the hope that can pull me through

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the wonder of Your love
And I rest in the shelter of You

That was Rest by Skillet!


Regret Something You Did In The Past?

Yes, I regret answering this question.


Country You Wanna Visit:



Way You Wanna Die:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the people in his car.


Like Thunderstorms?

They're awesome. And wet.


Get Along W/ Your Parents?

I guess.


R U A Health Freak?

How the hell could I be a health freak?


U Think Ur Attractive?

You've pressed the wrong button, press 'you're an a-hole' to go back.


Do You Believe In Yourself?

Ask a proper question?


Wanna Get Married?

Are you asking me to marry you?


Wanna Go To College?

My mum does!


Shower Daily?

Why do you want to know?


Want Kids?

I'm a little too young.


When Do U Wanna Lose Your Virginity?

Didn't we discuss this?7


Do U Hate Anyone?

My science teacher.


Can You Unwrap A Starburst W/ Your Tongue?

Never tried; I'll put that on my list of things to do.


Do You Think You Can Sing?

Do you think I can sing? I get over seven thousand on sings-star.


Can You Open You Eyes Underwater?

Yes, but it's kinda blurry.


Eat Whatever And Not Worry?

Hey, if it's edible, it's fine.


Can You Whistle?

Nope, not in that high pitched way.


Can You Walk In High Heels?

And this is relevant to me why?


Do You Sleep W/ The Light On?

Why are you asking about my habits?


Do You Like Super Spicy Foods?

Do you like super spicy food?


Can You Multitask?

Yes, I can write while looking at your message.


Touch Your Nose W/ Your Tongue?

Yes, though I don't do it daily.


Can You Fit In Your Locker?

They're two foot tall.


Do You Spit?

I don't see any point in doing so.


Can You Taste The Difference Between Pepsi And Coke?



If You Could Wish 4 Anything...What Would You Wish?

For the damned emerald dragon on dragon quest 8 to die, I did over 15000 damage to it and it still didn't die.


What Kind Of Perfume Or Colone Do You Wear?

I don't.


What Kind Of Soap Do You Use?

Ask the soap. Or his friend, for some reason he's not very talkative of late.


What's Your Favorite Scent?

Something weird.


Would You Choose To Live Forever If You Could?

Nope, I'd get bored.

Hey guys, I was just woken up at the ungodly hours of the morning for a review! Grr.

If you've ever run down an "up" escalator, paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever run up a "down" escalator, paste this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.(Oh I read much longer longer than that :))

If your friends think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog), and you don’t care, copy and paste this is your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you think I'm a loser, post this on your profile! (No really, I like to see how many hands raise up on my table at school when I ask this question)

Ok, this is my very own one.

I'm the sort of person you could make fun of, and I'd laugh along with you. I'm the sort of person that's modest, and dodges questions about whether you're good at something or not. I'm the sort of person who has split personalities, and will act differently around different people. Which is kinda frustrating when they're all there at the same time. I'm the sort of person who laughs out loud at most jokes, even the most rubbish. I'm the person who never tells anything about his private life, and would rather sit down and read a good book than sit around laughing with friends. I'm the loner, but when I'm talking to someone new, they warm up to me quickly. I'm the sort of person who has a comeback for everything, and will stick up for his friends without a second thought (Which got me in a fight with someone at school, where I managed to land three solid kicks to the place where the sun don't shine). I'm the sort of person who makes jokes when nervous, and loves making people laugh, or happy in anyway. Apart from the people who just piss me off, succeeding in only being the vent for all my pent up anger. I don't like jocks, or people who'd laugh at you for some stupid reason. I think up insults with lightning speed, but sometimes don't think up good ones. I'm the one who's too shy to talk to people, but when they talk to me, I'm a motor-mouth. I idolise people in my books, and feel the same pain as they feel when in an awful situation. I hate bad things happening, and will turn away from anything if it turns into something I don't like, like if Max and Dylan got together. I love music, and will often sing quietly under my breath at playtime.

All in all, I never want to change who I am, ever.

Copy and paste this to your profile if you're like me. Wings of Darkness or Blackness. Then add your name on to the list.

Check out my poll. It said 'Not shown on profile, but I don't know how to fix that.

I've been introduced to the world of Pming.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

My favourite scene from a fanfiction...

I'm beginning to think this 'Poetry Corner' is spiralling into some sort of existential universe of nonessential rhyming phrases and anecdotes that has no inherent relationship to either the literature from which it supposedly springs or any type poetry known to mortal man at this particular time and hour, and is therefore completely and utterly an extreme and asinine waste of the valuable and and fleeting time of the young men and women who spend their finite waking hours on this particular and most peculiar site on the world wide web.

Fang: Wow, and your response?

My fanfiction, my rules, screw you.

By St Fang of Boredom. Possibly the funniest writer on the net.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him, and never say its not quite as good as his mothers

... . . then buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ...

... . . then buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies...

... . . then buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and who you can push off if he snores...

. . then buy a dog!

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually . . .

... . . then buy a dog.

BUT , on the other hand . .. .

If you want someone who will never come

when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness . . .

... . . then buy a cat!

Now be honest, you thought I was gonna' say... marry a man, didn't you?

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day. Send this to all the men just to annoy them!

Mental Hospital Phone Menu:

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
Just to tell you, if you have read every word so far it means that you definitely ARE crazy or weird, and you should DEFINITELY put at least those ones on your profile.

Copy and Paste this if you're a writer

What have you pulled?

If you have pulled a Max: You have made a snap decision and decided to do it without thinking it through first. Yeah...damn math test.

If you have pulled a Fang: You have sneaked up behind someone without them noticing, making it seem like you came out of nowhere. My mum never was the most observant person.

If you have pulled an Iggy: You have run into an inanimate object without realizing it was there. This could include, poles, wall, doors, tables, etc. I swear, the door jumped out and attacked me.

If you have pulled a Nudge: You have talked about something nonstop for the past five minutes, not allowing anyone else to speak. This is also known as rambling. Meh.

If you have pulled an Angel: You have invaded someone else’s personal space, without any consideration for that person. You can also pull an Angel by gaining a whole lot of useless powers that you don't really need...but I highly recommend the first one. Hey, it's not personal space if they told you, is it?

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

Bored now.

Mum, you can stop staring over my shoulder. No, I will not turn around, talking to you like this is better.



Ooh, program quotes.

Xander: Spike, gave you been trying to kill yourself? Come on, I thought, after all we've been through, you'd tell me. I could've helped!

Anya: Xander!

Xander: What? He wants to die, I want to help him...

I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying
"I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me
"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?''
"OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!''"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma.
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.

2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart

Great Minds Can Read this!! I can, can YOU??

This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Ptase tihs to yuor porlfie if you can raed tihs!

Proof I can read this...

This is weird, but interesting! If you can read this, you have a strange mind too. Can you read this? only 55 people out of 100 can. I couldn't believe that I could actually understand what I was reading. the phenomenal power of the human mind, according to a research at Cambridge university, it doesn't matter in what order the letters are, the only important thing is that the first and last letter be in the right place. The rest can be a total mess and you can still read it without a problem. This is because the human mind does not read every letter by itself, but the word as a whole. Amazing huh? Yeah and I always thought spelling was important! Paste this to your profile if you can read this!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (The paradox special...)
If you live in your own little world, copy and paste. (Don't worry, they know me there!)
If it doesn't matter that you live in your own little world because they know you there, copy and paste. (Mind reader!)
Ninety-five percent of children are concerned with being popular and fitting in. if you are part of the five percent who aren't, copy this and put it in your profile. (I punched someone in the nose yesterday because they were acting like a complete and utter b*d, and I may/may not have broken it. They weren't at school the next day though, so. Not the best way to be popular, I think)
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste. (ROFLMAO)
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (No shit Sherlock)
If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Imagine, imagine, imagine a story! *Ahem*)
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. (Oh so many times)
If you talk so fast no one can understand you unless they try really hard and even then it's a struggle, copy this into your profile. (Sometimes, that's why I type)
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews, add this to your profile. (I get so few! Fang: Gee, I wonder why! Me: Say that again and you'll be sleeping with the fishies! Again!)
Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Three? I limit my self to enjoy the book for longer, and even then, I'd finish two a week!)
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile! (Strangely, I listen to about fifteen different songs a day. I'm running out!)
If you think the world should have no violence, but probably will always have it, copy this into your profile. (Until the Goverment learns to suck up and get along [Never] we will always be at who wants cookies?!)
If you think cancer is awful, put this in your profile. (...)
If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile. (Never, but it went with the others, so...)
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile. (That's every time these days...that's why it's not hard to tell why I keep getting headaches!)
If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will,(And never heard of them!) and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you utterly loathe and despise Hannah Montana, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list! PorcelainHeart94, Darth KenObi-Wan,JediWolfMaster, Jedi Kittin, XenaGrl321, True Colours, tgypwya, Don't Shoot the Puppy!

From tgypwya

Actually, I'm gonna add one.

If you've ever fallen asleep in class, copy and paste this to your profile!






I SAY Paramore






On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to what? Outer space?)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

"Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?" ~ Anonymous

"My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone." ~ Anonymous

"If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous

"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." ~ Anonymous

"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit and shut up." ~ Anonymous

"Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it." ~ Anonymous

"Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous

"The cracks in the cement are a reminder that no matter how strong you may be, you can break." ~ Anonymous

I saw six people punching and kicking my mother-in-law yesterday. The neighbour asked "Aren't you gonna help?" I say " No, six should be enough."

"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous

Opening Credits: Monster by Skillet

Waking Up: 21 Guns by Green Day

First Day At School: Looking for Angels by Skillet

Falling In Love: Pain by Three Days Grace

Breaking Up: Lucy by Skillet

Prom night: Saviour by Skillet

Life: Send the Pain Below by Chevelle

Mental Breakdown: Hey There Delilah by Plain White Tees

Driving: Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down

Flashback: How to Save a Life by The Fray

Getting back together: One Day Too Late by Skillet

Wedding: Comatose by Skillet

Birth of Child: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

Final Battle: Concrete Angel by Martina Mcbride

Funeral Song: Us Against the World by Westlife

Final Credits: Whispers in the Dark

If they made a movie of my'd be the worst since Twilight.

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, post this on your profile

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favourite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mummy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the back wall,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?'
She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day.'
The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart'
With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favourite dress.
And from
somewhere in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.
You see he is a soldier
And died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
and taught brave men to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw himat her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,'
to the silence she calle d out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long- stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.
Send this to the people you'll never forget and
remember to send it also to the person that sent
it to you. It's a short message to let them know
that you'll never forget them.
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your

Take the live and love.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. I am Weird and PROUD OF IT!

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Don't hate yourself in the morning- sleep till noon.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Duct tape is like the force, it has alight sideand a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

good friend: Will help me learn to drive

best friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

good friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

best friend: Won't let me go away

good friend: Will help me up when I fall down

best friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

good friend: Will bail me out of jail

best friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up, but it was so fun!"

good friend: Will go to a concert with me

best friend: Will kidnap the band with me

good friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

best friend: Calls my parents "Mom" and "Dad"

good friend: Asks me for my number

best friend: Asks me for her number

good friend: Hides me from the cops

best friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

good friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

best friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too



2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):


3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):


4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name and a fancy name):

Remember what the guy at anger management said...

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):


93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc., AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo, zeusgirl39, 7Cerberus7, Cadisha Ora Rhaksha Caden, Don't Shoot the Puppy,

Why aren't you with the person you love?

Is it cute when you get kissed on the forehead?

What are you listening to?

Leave out all the rest...???

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?


Could you go out in public looking like you do now?


What was on your mind mostly today?

Why my cousin was at the house in Ireland. And why she was acting so hostile. Maybe it was how I woke her up last time...*Shakes head* what, the bucket of ice cold water was melting?

Do you like to cuddle?

Doesn't everybody?

What’s the best feeling in the world?

When You punch someone you really hate in the stomach, then roundhouse him round the face, then bring down your elbow on their back.

Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced?

I'd rather not be pierced.

Do you like the rain?


What did you do today?

Walk. Breathe.

Who was the last person you fought with?

My cousin.

Can you handle the truth?

Yes. With anger management.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?

A lot...but not when my parent's aren't there :) Then, hypothetical bullets will fly.

Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?

Can I take that sexually?

Where did you sleep last night?

Did you have a good day yesterday?

In the next 4 months, what are you looking forward to most

...Getting my keyblade.

What are you wearing?

What is bothering you right now?

Was last New Year's enjoyable?

Do you wish you had the chance to tell someone something right now?

Yes *Faces hypothetical camera* cousin...I hate your song choices! *breaks down crying*

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

Not you, that's for sure.

Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?

How was last night?

Again, can that be taken sexually?

What is your mom listed under in your phone?

Would you ever live with anyone on your top friends?

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Has anyone disappointed you recently?

What does your hair smell like?

Did you have a tree house as a kid?

Do you like going to the dentist?

Do you try to do a good deed daily?

Can you keep a straight face without smiling?

Even been sailing?

Ever been on a cruise?

Are you afraid of speaking to large audiences?

Are you afraid to tell the truth sometimes?

Creepy person, that was.



or (Not funny, but fun to watch)

They're kingdom hearts.

This Is About The Child Abuse That Goes On In The World.

My name is Tiffany, I am three,
My eyes are swollen, I cannot see,

I must be stupid; I must be bad,
What else could have made, My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better, I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy, would still want to hug me,

I can’t do a wrong, I can’t speak at all,
Or else im locked up, All day long,

When im awake im all alone,
The house is dark, My folks aren’t home,

When my mommy does come home, I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get, One whipping tonight,

I just heard a car, My daddy is back,
From Charlie’s bar,

I try to hide, From his evil eyes,
I’m so afraid now, I’m starting to cry,

He finds me weeping, Calls me ugly words,
He says it’s my fault, He suffers at work,

He slaps and hits me, and yells at me more,
I finally get free, And run to the door,

He’s already locked it, And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me, Hard against the wall,

I fall to the floor, With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream, But its now much to late,
His face has been twisted, Into a unimaginable shape,

The hurt and the pain, Again and again,
O please God, have mercy! O please let it end!

And he finally stops, and heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor,

My name is tiffany, I am three,
Tonight my daddy, Murdered me

You can help to stop this for others.
And if you read this and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness because you would have to be
One heartless person to not be effected
By this poem and because you are effected,
Do something about it! So all I ask you to do
Is pass this on! If you are against child abuse.

Hi, my name is Kazu.
I like Writing and I like Athletics.
I am running down the road I suddenly tripped over.
I come home with a scratch on my knee.
My mummy begins to worry.
I tell her I am fine.
She sighs and says ok.
I am at school.
When suddenly I fall and hit a tree.
I am sent to the sickbay.
Then I am sent home.
Mummy takes me to the doctors.
The doctors tell mummy something.
Mummy starts to cry.
I tell her it's ok.
I'm not going to die.
She tells me I am starting.
Starting to be slower.
I don't know what it means.
But I have become sick.
I tell mummy it's ok.
I will become better.
Mummy starts to cry.
Do I have cancer?
Mummy says no.
Then what do I suppose.
As a year had past.
I struggle to walk.
My speech is getting slower.
It's hard for me to talk.
My friends like to help me.
My classmates like to run.
But I have to sit down.
And watch them have fun.
Then one day my teacher comes to see mummy.
Daddy comes out.
And starts to get all snotty.
The teacher tells my parents.
I can no longer go to school.
My motion is too slow.
I ask the teacher slowly.
I am sorry I am useless.
I start to cry and beg her.
I want to go to school.
The teacher gives a smile.
And tells me she is sorry.
The school cant really help me.
The words were so cruel.
The day I had to leave.
My friends and classmates cried.
The boys upon the windows.
Wave to me goodbye.
I smile and sit in the car.
I am taken to a school.
A school with special people.
Just like me and you.
I start to have some fun.
I made a lot of friends.
As many years passed again.
I talk too slow to understand.
I cannot run anymore.
And I struggle to even stand.
I cannot write in my diary.
My motion is too slow.
Then one day I am sent.
To the hospital again.
Now many years have passed.
I lie in a warm bed.
I cannot move my body.
I cannot move again.
I talk very slowly.
I cannot move my head.
My mummy sits there crying.
My daddy looks depressed.
I ask my mummy sadly.
Am I going to die.
My mother holds my hand.
Yells and starts to cry.
A few more years later.
I have to shut my eyes.
I cannot talk or move.
I seem to have died.

Mummy... Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told all his friends it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack,
Mummy, i was a good girl, i did what i was told,
I went to school, i got striaght A's, i even got the gold!
When i went to school that day,
I never said goodbye.
I'm sorry i had to go, but Mummy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another.
All because, Johnny got the gun from his brother.
Mummy please tell daddy; that i love him very much.
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; that it wasn't just a crush.
and tell my little sister; that she's the only one now.
And tell my dear, sweet grandma, that i'll be waiting for her now,
And tell my wonderful friends; they're always the best,
Mummy, I'm not the first, i'm no better than the rest.
Mummy, tell my teachers i won't show up for class,
And never to forget this; and please dont let this pass,
Mummy, why'd it have to be me? No one through, deserves this.
But Mummy, it's not fair; i left without a kiss.
But Mummy, it's not fair; i left without goodbye.
I think i even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mummy, im slowly dying with a bullet in my chest,
But Mummy, please remember i'm in heaven with the rest,
When i heard that great, big crack i ran as fast as i could.
Mummy, listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, i wanted to tried things that were new.
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, on that trip to the new zoo.
i wanted to get married, i wanted to get a kid.
I wanted to be an actress, i really wanted to live.
But Mummy, i must go now. The time is getting late,
Mummy, tell my Zack i'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mummy, i always have, i know you know it's true.
And Mummy, and i need to say is; "Mummy, i love you."
In memory of the Columbine & Virginia Tech,
Students Who Were Lost,
If you pass this on,
Maybe people will cry,
Just keep this in your heart,
For the people who didnt get to say "goodbye."
Now you have 2 choices,
a) go and copy and paste this to show that you care, or,
b) Ignore it and prove that you are heartless.

My name is Tiffany, I am three,
My eyes are swollen, I cannot see,

I must be stupid; I must be bad,
What else could have made, My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better, I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy, would still want to hug me,

I can’t do a wrong, I can’t speak at all,
Or else im locked up, All day long,

When im awake im all alone,
The house is dark, My folks aren’t home,

When my mommy does come home, I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get, One whipping tonight,

I just heard a car, My daddy is back,
From Charlie’s bar,

I try to hide, From his evil eyes,
I’m so afraid now, I’m starting to cry,

He finds me weeping, Calls me ugly words,
He says it’s my fault, He suffers at work,

He slaps and hits me, and yells at me more,
I finally get free, And run to the door,

He’s already locked it, And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me, Hard against the wall,

I fall to the floor, With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream, But its now much to late,
His face has been twisted, Into a unimaginable shape,

The hurt and the pain, Again and again,
O please God, have mercy! O please let it end!

And he finally stops, and heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor,

My name is tiffany, I am three,
Tonight my daddy, Murdered me

You can help to stop this for others.
And if you read this and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness because you would have to be
One heartless person to not be effected
By this poem and because you are effected,
Do something about it! So all I ask you to do
Is pass this on! If you are against child abuse.

"I will cut your heart out with a spoon!" Senpai, in Kingdom Hearts III: Connections

Youtube Kingdom Hearts Crazy Files:

Twilight Thorn: You will die.

Roxas: What are you going to do, sit on me?

Twilight Thorn: *Falls on top of when defeated* Die.

--Awesome Line--

Roxas: What the hell are you doing?

Sora: I'm grooming!

Roxas: Grooming what?

Sora: My hair!

Roxas: You don't have hair!

Sora: *Starts crying*

Roxas: Oh, shit, uh, don't cry, it's okay, you have hair!

Sora: *stops crying* That's right! It's wet, and sticky, and you can't touch it...

--Awesome line's identical friend--

Riku: Does this answer your question? *Rips off organisation cloak*

Xemnas: Oh, yeah.

Sora: Sorry, that was highly innappropriate


Demyx: Bet you can't do this! *Activates bomb*

Bomb: *Beeping*

DiZ: O.O

Sora: What the-!

Bomb: *Explodes*

Personal quotes: What is it about popstars changing their names?! 'My name is Flow Rider!' No it's not, it's Bob! 'Flow Rider!' Bob! 'Flow Rider!' BOB! 'Screw you!' Screw Bob! *Me, convincing my class to ban popstars!*

Dan: Everybody, run like random!

Me: I blame School. In fact, I blame school for everything wrong with the world. Screw you school!

Catchphrase comebacks ()

Oogie Boogie:
"That's right away you go!"
"Thats right, down you go!"(when he falls)

"The world is mine to control"
"your tail is mine to control!"(rc)

"Sora! do you know the rules?"

Axel: Burn
me: I hope i dont get a fever

Seifer: move it loser
me: yer the one wearin a belly shirt.

Pete: pete's invincible
me: Alright if yer so invincible i'll upper slash your crotch with fenrir

Saix : Moon, shine down...
*I grab a Claymore*
Me : Moon, fall down!

Luxord : Do you know the rules?
Me : Cirlce, I win. X, you lose.

Luxord : Don't squander your time...
Me : Look who's talking.
(His Data Version ONLY taunts with that, non-stop, once it goes down to the last HP)

Luxord : A challenge, is it?
Me : No, not really.

Xemnas 2 : If light and darkness are eternal, then surely we Nothings must be the same... eternal...
Riku : You're right. Light and Darkness are eternal. Nothign probably goes on forever too. But guess what Xemnas?

after losing to Demyx once (first time i died in the game, and it was Demyx!) and after I started the battle again:
Demyx: Dance, Water, dance!
me: Die, motherf!!!er, die!

Xemnas: Come closer
Me: pedophile

Xemnas: SO it wasn't a fallacy.
Me:...pauses game and gets a dictionary, seriously

Luxord: The Darkness in men's hearts, drawn to these cursed medallions; and this Heartless, a veritable maelstrom of avarice: I wonder, are they worthy to serve Organization XIII?" (had to look up te exact quote)
Me: Nice accent but shut the hell up and let me fight!

Luxord: Parley!
Me: You're not a pirate!

Saix: Different name, same fate!
Me: I'm being absorbed into Sora too?...but I am sora? How is he going to absorb himself?

Axel: Burn!
Me: Baby, burn?

xemnas: come closer
me: rapist

xemnas: riku, are you jealous of sora
me: no but you are, emo drama queen

xemnas: if darkness and light are eternal, surely we nothing are
me: nothing is eternal too like ur virginity

hercules: ur no match for a real hero

me: i took down 1000 f@@@n heartless,a rock titan, an ice and sephiroth and xh and his ship. i saved ur a@@

Xemnas : Sora... are you certain you can trust Riku...
Me : Watch and see for yourself!

Xaldin (teleporting) : Sora! Sora! Sora! Sora! Sora!

Xaldin (original fight, in FM only) : Wear the face of despair!
Me : *not caring* Wooooooh, shiny crown...

(in FM, there's a crown, a bonus thing, in his fight)

Me : Thx for the hint.

Xmenas: Why do you despise the void?
me: beacuse i can.

Xigbar: Argh, Reload!
me: panzy.

Saix: Can you feel it, the moon's power?
me: up your * maybe.

Xemnas: Come closer.
me: ...

Sephiroth: I admit you're very skilled
Me: Thank You!

Sephiroth: Show me your strength
Me: OK! *destroys Sephiroth* Beat That!

Xigbar: Roxas!
Me: ?What?

Demyx: "Dance water dance"

xemnas-i need more rage...i need more...hearts
me-get this man some more candy hearts
luxord-do u like a game of chance
me-yes chances of u dyin
xigbar-u clever little sneak
me-remind me not to take u hunting.
roxas-u make a good other
me-other what
axel-got it memorized
me-wait let me study first then i take the test of kicking ur butt
larxene-u have no heart
me- presenting the brand new heartless bi@@h barbie

House MD Section

Cuddy: "You just don't want to deal with the epidemic."
House: "That's right. I'm subjecting a twelve-year-old to a battery of dangerous and invasive tests to avoid being bored. Okay, maybe I would do that, but I'm not."

House: "You Jewish?"
Dr. Petra Gilmar: "Yeah."
House: "Is it true what they say about Jewish foreplay?"
Dr. Petra Gilmar: "Two hours of begging?"
House: "I heard four."
Dr. Petra Gilmar: "Well, actually I'm only half-Jewish."

House: "You actually speak four languages, or you just banking on never being interviewed by anyone who does?"

House: "Nonconformity, right. I can't remember the last time I saw a 20-something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker. You want to be a rebel? Stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does and get a haircut. Like the Asian kids who don't leave the library for 20 hours stretches, they're the ones who don't care what you think. Sayonara."

House: "The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth."

House: "People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort."

Chase: "It doesn't necessarily have to be that bad. If we exclude the night terrors it could be something systemic: his liver, kidneys, something outside the brain."
House: "Yes, feel free to exclude any symptom if it makes your job easier."

House: "Perseverance does not equal worthiness."

House: "Another reason I don't like meeting patients. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you."

House: "Could we get off my screw-ups and focus on theirs? Theirs are bigger."

House: "When did my signature get so girly?"
Cameron: "I can explain."
House: "See that "G," see how it makes a big loop on top? It doesn't even look like my handwriting. Think I have something? What's the differential diagnosis for writing Gs like a junior high school girl?"

Cameron: "What about sex?"
House: "Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that."
Cameron: "I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis."
House: "Heh, nice cover."

House: "Thirty percent of all dads out there don't realize they're raising someone else's kid."
Foreman: "From what I've read false paternity is more like ten percent."
House: "That's what our moms would like us to believe."
Cameron: "Who cares? If he got it from his parents they'd both be dead by now, can we get on with the differential diagnosis?"
House: "Fifty bucks says I'm right."
Foreman: "I'll take your money."
House: "Hit a nerve? Don't worry, Foreman, I'm sure the guy who tucked you in at night was your daddy."
Foreman: "Make that a hundred dollars."

Cuddy: "What are you doing back here? A patient?"
House: "No, a hooker. Went to my office instead of my home."

House: "—the cutest little tennis outfit! My God, I thought I was going to have a heart attack! Oh my! I didn't see you there - That is so embarrassing..."
Cuddy: "How's your hooker doing?"

Patients' Mother: "How can you just sit there?"
House: "If I eat standing up, I spill."

Foreman: "No neurologist in his right mind would recommend that."
House: "Show of hands: who thinks I'm not in my right mind? [nobody moves] And who thinks I forget this very basic neurological fact? [nobody moves again] Who thinks there's a third option?"
[Chase raises his hand]
House: "Very good. What's the third choice?"
Chase: "No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one."

Chase: "Hey, Dan, isn't Dr. Cameron's necklace a beauty? Something South American, I think."
Cameron: "Yeah, Guatemalan."
Dan: "It's a cool necklace."
Cameron: " [looks down, realizes Dan can see down her shirt, then speaks to Chase] Thank you SO much."
Chase: "The kid's in pain."

Foreman: "Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?"
House: "No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable."

House: "See that, they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane."
Wilson: "Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?"
House: "Then they'll think I'm a doctor."

Foreman: "Oh, Cameron, I need you for a couple of hours."
Cameron: "What's up?"
Foreman: "When you break into someone's house, it's always better to have a white chick with you."

Cameron: "You hired me to get into my pants?!"
House: "I can't believe that that would shock you. It's also not what I said. No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece of art in the lobby."

Patient: "I just want to die with a little dignity."
House: "There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it."

House: "Gorgeous women do not go to medical school. Unless they're as damaged as they are beautiful."

House: "No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate."

House: "What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die or one who ignores you while you get better? I suppose it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die."

Wilson: "That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality."
House: "Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain."

House: "Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg". I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning."
Cuddy: "Short, sweet, grab a file."
House: "This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board ... certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will.
That is true, isn't it? (to Cuddy)
But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem ... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? "

Wilson: "Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth."
House: "And triteness kicks us in the nads."
Wilson: "So true..."

Cameron: "Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago."

Cameron: "Men should grow up."
House: "Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen."

Foreman: "Occam's razor. The simplest explanation is always the best."
House: "And you think one is simpler than two?"
Cameron: "I'm pretty sure it is, yeah."
House: "Baby shows up. Chase tells you that two people exchange fluids to create this being. I tell you that one stork dropped the little tyke off in a diaper. Are you going to go with the two or the one?"
Foreman: "I think your argument is specious."
House: "I think your tie is ugly."

House: "Why is one simpler than two? It's lower, it's lonelier, but is it simpler? Each one of these conditions is about a thousand to one shot; that means that any two of them happening at the same time is a million to one shot, Chase says the cardiac infection is a ten million to one shot which makes my idea ten times better than yours. [pause. Foreman looks defeated] Get a calculator run the numbers."
Chase: "We'll run the tests."

Tattooed Walk-in Patient: "I should go."
House: "You think it's going to come out on its own? [the patient stops] Are we talking bigger than a bread basket? Because, actually, it will come out on its own, which for small stuff is no problem - it's wrapped up in a nice soft package and plop. Big stuff - you're going to rip something, which, speaking medically, is when the fun stops."
Tattooed Walk-in Patient: "How did you--"
House: "You've been here half an hour and you haven't sat down, that tells me its location. You haven't told me what it is, that tells me it's humiliating. You have a little birdy carved under your arm, and that tells me you have a high tolerance for humiliation, so I'm figuring it's not hemorrhoids. I've been a doctor twenty years. You're not going to surprise me."
Tattooed Walk-in Patient: "It's an MP3 player."
House: "Hmm. Is it... is it because of the size, or the shape... or is it the pounding bass line?"
Tattooed Walk-in Patient: "What are we going to do?"
House: "I'm going to wait."
Tattooed Walk-in Patient: "For what?!"
[Scene change: House leaving the walk-in clinic]
House: "Okay. It's 3 o'clock, I'm off. Could you tell Dr. Cuddy there's a patient in exam room 2 that needs her attention? And the RIAA wants her to check for illegal downloads."

Cameron: "Brandon's not ready for surgery."
House: "OK, let's leave it a couple of weeks. He should be feeling better by then. Oh wait, which way does time go?"

Chase: "We should look into the girlfriend's theory... She thinks she rode him to death."
Foreman: "What'd you tell her?"
Chase: "Well, I told her twenty-two year old men don't die of sex!"
Cameron: "What'd you ask her?"
Chase: "What do you mean?"
Cameron: "I mean I hope you got some specifics on exactly what's going on. This girl thinks it could kill you... it's worth knowing about."
Chase: "...Have you ever taken a life?"

House: "Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again."

House: "This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Oh, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger."

Jill: "My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I've been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I'm over training; I'm doin' the marathon, like, ten miles a day, but I can't seem to lose any weight."
House: "Lift up your arms. You have a parasite."
Jill: "Like a tapeworm or something?"
House: "Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down."
Jill: "Can you do anything about it?"
House: "Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states."
Jill: "Illegal?"
House: "Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites..."
Jill: "Playdates?"
House: "It has your eyes."

House: "Get up. We're going hunting."
Foreman: "For what?"
House: "Wabbits."

Cameron: "A needle in the haystack."
House: "It's worse than that. We don't even know what's the needle we're looking for."

House: "See, this is why I don't waste money on shrinks, cause you give me all these really great insights for free."
Cuddy: "Shrink. If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake."

House: "Your husband is definitely the source of your 'mono'."
Jill: "Oh, wow. Oh, thank God. Wow, I'm going to be a mom. Whoa, heh heh. Thank you so much; I gotta get you a gift or something."
House: "Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again."
Jill: "Okay, all right! But, Dr. House, you've been so awesome. I mean, I really, totally trust you. Do you think you —"
House: "No."
Jill: "— could you do the prenatal?"
House: "No."
Jill: "Or deliver the baby?"
House: "That would be no."
Jill: "Okay!"

Wilson: "I'm still amazed you're actually in the same room with a patient"
House: "People don't bug me until they get teeth"

House: "You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways."

House: "She has God inside her. It would have been easier to deal with a tumor"

House: "I've been a doctor for years why do I have to keep assuring people I know what I'm doing?"

House: "I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are"

Nun: "Sister Augustine believes in things that aren't real."
House: "I thought that was a job requirement for you people."

House: "Ah, my birthday. Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the Sun one more time; I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again."

Cuddy: "Good morning, Dr. House."
House: "Good morning, Dr. Cuddy! Love that outfit. Says, I'm professional, but I'm still a woman. Actually, it sorta yells the second part."
Cuddy: "Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too."

Foreman: "Mickey Mantle had a whole bar named after him - he got a transplant."
House: "Yeah. Well, Lucy can't switch hit."

House: "So, when I said "no psych meds", I'm just curious, which word didn't you understand?"
Foreman: "The Haldol had nothing to do with the bleed. You know that. I used it purely as a chemical restraint."
House: "Oh, great, well, that's good to hear. So she won't experience any of those pesky little side effects you get when your motives aren't pure."

Cuddy: "It takes two department heads to treat shortness of breath? What, do the complications increase exponentially with cup size?"

Wilson: "I'm not gonna date a patient's daughter."
House: "Very ethical. Of course, most married men would say they don't date at all."

House: "I don't ask why patients lie. I just assume they all do."

House: "As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want."
Wilson: "And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want."
House: "So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world"

A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your Kindness will be rewarded.

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic.

Her only friend
Was a little toy bear.
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair.

She always talked to it
When no one's around.
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound.

Until her parents
Unlock the door.
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure.

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face.
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries.
She loves her parents
But they want her to die.

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid.
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did.

Then one night
Her mom came home high.
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by.

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade.
It was sharp and pointy.
One that she made.

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest.
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying.
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying.

Police showed up
At the small little house.
They quickly barged in.
Everything was as quiet as a mouse.

One officer slowly
Opened the door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor.

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm.
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms.

Don't you dare scoff at me. Repost this if you believe child abuse has to stop.

Neku: Hello? Dead kid speaking? (The World Ends With You)

Neku: (First he makes us crayons...apparently he's been eating them too.) (TWEWY)

Shiki: My name's Shiki Misaki. I've never been a Spirit before, and I was a little skeptical when Red asked me to join, but-

Neku: (But here you are. A Crayon Warrior.)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Fading by Sandfire Kat reviews
Sora is captured by the Organization, who are forcing him to complete Kingdom Hearts faster by bombarding him with heartless. With friends gone and will broken, darkness looms over Sora, threatening to swallow him up. But a friend is closer than he thinks. With this new ally a way out gleams teasingly back at him. But if he even manages to escape, trouble surely doesn't stop there.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 43 - Words: 301,398 - Reviews: 691 - Favs: 212 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 6/1/2016 - Published: 4/28/2012 - Sora, Riku, Axel, Roxas - Complete
Across the Hallway by Redeeming Endeavor reviews
A story containing loosely related events revolving around the same group of people.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 19 - Words: 40,096 - Reviews: 376 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 176 - Updated: 4/27/2014 - Published: 5/2/2011 - [Sora, Kairi] - Complete
How to Train Your Soul by Poisoned Scarlet reviews
Dragon AU. She's come to trust her dragon above all else. He was keeper of her secrets, her sorrows, her happiness. But it would be a lie if she said she had been prepared for the height of her twenty first winter, or the events that ultimately made them a legend among legends.
Soul Eater - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 59,800 - Reviews: 640 - Favs: 1,060 - Follows: 1,137 - Updated: 1/17/2014 - Published: 3/8/2013 - Maka A., Soul Eater
Caelum: The Red Eye by Brown Eyed Sage reviews
Legend tells of a sword that guarantees a victory in battle. The quest to find this mythical object fell into the hands of an archaeologist and the mercenary that kidnapped her.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 99,854 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 5/26/2013 - Published: 9/24/2010 - [Kairi, Sora] - Complete
Tsundere by Knight Dreamer reviews
In which Black Star and Kid tries to convince Soul that his meister is a tsundere. But what is a tsundere anyways? Probably what Maka is. Rated T just to be safe.
Soul Eater - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,660 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 16 - Published: 7/15/2012 - Soul Eater, Maka A. - Complete
October is Uncool by Sarahsorad reviews
October is always a busy month of Kishin hunting for all meisters and weapons and it just got worse with Kami in town. Maka will go out of her way to please the demanding lady. She already switched out of Stein's class so there's no telling what she'll do when she realizes her mom also doesn't like me. Can't a cool guy like me ever get a break?
Soul Eater - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 24,065 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 6/29/2012 - Published: 6/25/2012 - Soul Eater, Maka A. - Complete
The Darkness that Consumes by T3rran reviews
Sora Yamato is a young man of 17 years, and he's been cursed with a dark shadow. A shadow that will eventually consume him into nothingness. Using what time he has left, can Sora use this darkness to find the light before he himself is consumed? AU.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 29,975 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/30/2012 - Published: 4/25/2011 - Sora, Kairi
There's Something About Kairi by Jomatto reviews
Why am I the only one not madly in love with her? Maybe I can't see it because I've been friends with her for so long, but there's something about her that drives all the guys crazy.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 14,742 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 19 - Published: 1/22/2012 - Sora, Kairi - Complete
You Can't Always Get What You Want by Jomatto reviews
Sora runs away when he can no longer bear the sight of Kairi and Riku together. Ten years later, he receives an invitation to their wedding.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 52,823 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 7/15/2011 - Published: 10/27/2008 - Sora, Kairi - Complete
The disproving of SoraxRiku by T3rran reviews
A short little essay I wrote as to why Sokai is the more canon pairing over Soriku. Takes into account both Kingdom Hearts one and two. Will this cause controversy? Yep. Was that the goal? Depends on how you look at it.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,267 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/24/2011 - Complete
It's So Wonderful by Lost Legendaerie reviews
Life is chaos, a constant struggle to justify and continue your existance. Perhaps it's a beautiful chaos. Perhaps it even all makes sense in the end. Or perhaps we're all delusional. - HSAU, love decagon possible but mostly Neshiki and Joshyme.
World Ends With You - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 35,447 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 3/17/2011 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Shiki M., Rhyme B.
Beloved Helpless by jaokolad reviews
When Soul is kidnapped, an underground movement of humans is revealed, and they're after the weapons of Shibusen. Humanity rises up and the teams have to choose whether to stick to their oaths or fight those they swore to protect. SxM BlxTsu *Slight AU*
Soul Eater - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 14 - Words: 107,518 - Reviews: 276 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 263 - Updated: 2/18/2011 - Published: 5/17/2010 - Soul Eater, Maka A.
Insert Red Skies Twilight Here by Library Arcanium reviews
The ACMSES's greatest enemy returns and her coming heralds a crimson sky across all that we hold dear. The fate of the many hinges on the actions of a few and it's life-or-death. Stand firm and pray for the dawn or it shall be red skies twilight forever.
Parodies and Spoofs - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 38,621 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 10 - Published: 1/9/2010
Those Lacking Spines by Organization VI reviews
Immune to a suspicious parasite by merit of their manly looks, Xaldin, Vexen and Lexaeus set out on a journey to save the rest of Organization XIII from the biggest nightmare of all: stupid fanfiction.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 111,474 - Reviews: 1907 - Favs: 2,318 - Follows: 634 - Updated: 9/18/2008 - Published: 4/20/2006 - Xaldin, Vexen - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Ask the flock reviews
Ask the flock! T for now, but it really depends on the questions.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 27 - Words: 36,690 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/18/2011 - Published: 8/23/2010
The Crash reviews
Meet Max; An average eighteen year old girl, with a pet eagle owl. But this is not the case; being orphaned from birth and bonded to an animal who could hear her every thought. Not to mention the wings. Fax. Couldn't fit full summary.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 9 - Words: 9,485 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 3/12/2011 - Published: 8/22/2010 - Max, Fang
Chatroom Mania reviews
Crack fic. Chatroom, basically. R and R?
Crossover - Kingdom Hearts & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 922 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/23/2011 - Sora, Max
Fictional Fighting reviews
Lots of people from different books, games, movies, manga, cartoons, comics, your choice, are gonna enter a tournament. You can submit people too, but you have to submit an even number at a time, to keep it fair.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,524 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 12/3/2010 - Published: 10/27/2010
This Is Laughable
My friend asked me to make a 'Fergaliscious' song for Sora. Simple, yes? Not when Fang decides to have a war about it...First humor fic. MAY BE CONTINUED.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,566 - Published: 11/6/2010 - Max, Fang
Babysitting reviews
I have to babysit a copycat Minimum, and a devious Tooth. What could possibly go wrong? Try, EVERYTHING! Note: Is not a Sam/Max fic.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 865 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 9/25/2010 - Max, Sam
Perfection reviews
Why Max and Fang are the perfect couple. Fax!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 163 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/22/2010 - Max, Fang - Complete
Rapture's Secret reviews
No summary.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & BioShock - Rated: M - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,955 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/21/2010 - Max
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