Author has written 3 stories for Outsiders, and Pendragon.
(EDIT: My story "The Fortunes of War" is officially on hiatus, as it occurred to me that I haven't updated it in like a year and jad;flkjas;ldfkj;adfj.)
'Ello there. Welcome to my profile. Feel free to stay awhile, and if you choose, you can help me achieve world domination. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Obscure controversial quote of the day: "For the love of God, folks, don't do this at home." - David Letterman, CBS Late Show host, demonstrating the Donut-o-pult
Books- Harry Potter, Maximum Ride, The Pendragon Adventure, Percy Jackson And The Olympians, The Outsiders, The Mysterious Benedict Society, A Series Of Unfortunate Events, The Chronicles of Narnia, and many, many more.
Movies- Star Trek, all the Harry Potter's, Get Smart, Avatar, Kung Fu Panda, UP, How to Train Your Dragon, The Karate Kid, etc.
Music- Dropkick Murphys, Rise Against, 30 Seconds to Mars, The Vitamin String Quartet, My Chemical Romance, The All-American Rejects, The Offspring, The Piano Tribute Players, Evanescence, aaannnddd I hate Ke$ha with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.
Latest obsession (may change at any time)- The Outsiders, because DALLAS WINSTON and LEATHER JACKETS.
QUOTES FROM MY BATSHIT CRAZY FRIENDS (these are all completely true, by the way):
"Spock, have you joined the Mafia?" - Andrea while watching the movie "Star Trek: The Voyage Home"
"KABOBS!" - Olivia at lunch almost every day.
"Sorry, I have the attention span of a rodent today."
"Okay, back in the bag, you impossible applesauce..." - Heather when her applesauce wouldn't open.
"Rachel, don't eat your algebra homework!"
"NINJA DOG!" - McKenzie when she showed me a picture of a dog on a Post-It note that she had colored with a black pen. Yeah, I don't know.
"WHY DID YOU MAKE VOLATILE SOAP?!" - Sage
"HE REALLY DID HAVE VOLATILE SOAP!" - Sage, about a year later
"Can it still be considered cannibalism if the baby is made of ravioli?" - Me
"You know, I think he's got a steak knife or something in there. He- he's gonna take it out and kill all of us... and there will be many cool camera angles."- Sage
"Okay, let's see here... 'Bob travels 10 meters south and 24 meters east and enters a bakery. Afterward, he travels 15 meters north and 30 meters west. He then realizes he left his wallet at the bakery-' WHAT THE- OH MY G- Bob, seriously? Who does that?!" - Mustafa while reading a math problem.
"EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME TO INJURE MYSELF!" - Jack, regarding the school play and anytime someone told him to "Break a leg."
"... I guess we should ask her. Hey, Heather? Which half of a tiger carcass would you prefer to have in your room?" - Me, Heather, and Olivia
"Hey, wanna get slapped with a tortilla?!" - Mountain, at camp, and then actually slapped me with a tortilla wrap. It didn't hurt, in case you were wondering. :)
"Oh my god, and the weather at this place was just ridiculous. I went swimming on Monday- by Wednesday, still not dry. I swear, I had moss... on my ass! Then the next day it was about 100 degrees, and what did our counselors say? 'But it's a dry heat!' And I'm like, 'Screw you!' I mean, a bonfire's a dry heat too, but you don't see me sticking my ass in one of those. Somebody'd be like, 'Hey Rachel, your ass is on fire!' and I'd be like, 'It's a dry heat! I gotta burn off the moss.'" - Me, adapting a Jeff Dunham piece to describe my time at camp.
"So your house is on fire, what do you do? You run to a computer and update your Facebook status! 'My... house... is... on... fire! Going... to... run... now. L... O... L.'" - Charles
"Some see the glass half full, some see it as half empty. Me? I just want to know who's drinking my freakin' soda." - No idea who said that but they were absolutely right.
ORCHESTRA PERSONEL STANDARDS:
Leaps tall builings in a single bound.
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Barely clears a quonset hut.
Makes marks high on the wall when trying to clear short buildings.
Runs into buildings.
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings.
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are so obsessed with Harry Potter that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile
If your friends are considering torturing you to stop you talking about a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Heh. Hehehe. Hehehehehehe.)
If you are in love with a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Best part is, when I write fanfiction I can make them do whatever I want. :D)
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that anyone with a profile this long HAS to be a good, creative, cool writer, copy this into your profile and spread the love of everything awesome!
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just one review, paste this into your profile.
If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination", paste this in your profile.
If you have inside jokes... with yourself... copy and paste this into your profile. (One time I even lost a bet against myself. I owed me ten bucks.)
You do realize that if you've read this far, you've given me brief control of your mind. You shall never be the same. Bwahahaha! (Now, feel free to read on and watch my brain desintegrate... Endless fun, I tell you.)
If seeing Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland made you realize you are insane and should go become a member of the Hatter's Mad Tea Party, copy and paste this into your profile.
Confessions of a Fanfiction Writer (Written by SpecialAgentMcTim-SpenceReid)-
I'll admit I might be strange
Thinkin' that my fave character
Oneshots and crack fics
Here I am, a fanfic writer
So go ahead and tease us
So here we are
ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regualar soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down.
On Marks and Spencers Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
On Sainsbury peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On a toboggan: Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener: Caution: Knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets.
On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft: Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizard's broom: This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. (I will admit I laughed way too hard at this one.)
In a kettle instruction manual: The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking.
A car park sign: Entrance only. Do not enter.
A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people.
Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.
Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA: Take care: new non-slip surface.
On a can of air freshener: For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children.
On a pair of socks bought in egypt: Do not wash.
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required.
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense: May irritate eyes.
On a Frisbee: Warning: may contain small parts.
In a car handbook: In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces: Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.
In a hotel bedroom: Please do not turn on TV except when in use.
In a lift in a Japanese hotel: Push this button in case anything happens.
On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
On a can of Spray paint: Do not spray in your face.
On a TV remote: Not Dishwasher safe.
On a blowtorch: Not used for drying hair.
On a washing machine inn a launderette: No small children.
On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
On a push along lawn mower: Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.
On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth.
On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning: this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
In a dishwasher manual: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
On a toaster: Do not use underwater.
On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.
In a manual for an SGI computer: Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.
On a label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm x 15cm x 12cm: Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Keep out of children.
RANDOM FUNNY CRAP:
C.S.I. - Can't Stand Idiots
If it's not within arm's reach, it's not worth it.
Did you know that 29% of all statistics are made up on the spot?
There are four different kinds of people: people who like to count, people who don't like to count, and people who just can't count.
When Life gives you lemons, sell them at the black market.
When Life gives you lemons, punch Life in the face for not giving you an apple.
When Life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice at your enemies.
When Life gives you lemons, make apple juice and make Life say, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?"
When Life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
When Life gives you Edward Cullen, throw him back and demand a Weasley twin.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but only if you've got really good aim.
Eagles may soar, but pigeons don't get sucked into jet engines.
If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room.
What if this were not a hypothetical question?
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...
By day, she is Hello Kitty. By night, she drops the O.
Duct tape is like the force: it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire.
When in doubt, mumble.
I find that Harry Potter takes Twilight, blows it up, drowns it, shoots it up, buries it alive, digs it up, enslaves it, beats it up, shoots it up some more, and finally just annihilates every single character. In that order.
Hold on, train of thought hit a cow...
WHAT "HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL" HAS TAUGHT US:
1. The school board won't notice or mind if you paint your locker pink.
2. Lakes are just like mirrors, showing your reflection perfectly.
3. If your family is worrying about the cost of college, it's completely normal for your kitchen to have all new expensive-looking appliances.
4. Day spas have apparently no staff, since they feel the need to hire entire high schools.
5. When you and your girlfriend/boyfriend frolic on a golf course, you are caught and reprimanded. However, if you frolic alone while singing, no one bothers you. They even let you mess around with the golf equipment they left out unsupervised.
6. Basketball scholarships depend on your singing skills.
7 It's perfectly reasonable to risk your friendships for a college that closed down in 1986.
8. Iced tea imported from England is blue.
9. Broken awards magically fix themselves when no one is looking.
10. Left-handed people randomly decide to try to sign autographs with their right hand.
REASONS NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM IS AWESOME:
1. Neville Longbottom needs a Remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember.
2. Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.
3. Not to be outdone, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix Lestrange, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again.
4. Professor Quirrell didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence.
5. Neville Longbottom became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment.
6. Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil.
7. Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley.
8. Neville uses Nagini's blood as soy sauce.
9. Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom.
10. Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom.
11. Neville's Patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him.
12. Neville Longbottom is the reason the Cauldron is Leaky.
13. If someone replaced the Mirror of Erised with a picture of Neville Longbottom, no one would notice.
14. Cho Chang wasn't crying because she missed Cedric. She was crying because she was with Harry, and not Neville.
15. They said Dumbledore was the only one Voldemort ever feared. They lied.
16. They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of "Clue", but the answer always turned out to be "Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard, with a sword."
17. Neville Longbottom created the Department of Mysteries when he got bored with making every damn discovery.
18. Neville Longbottom cut off the Hog's Head. He was just practicing for Nagini.
19. Voldemort did not choose Harry over Neville because he thought Neville to be weaker, but simply because it would be downgrading him. Neville doesn't like to be downgraded.
20. Neville Longbottom is the reason Waldo is hiding.
21. Superman lost a bet with Neville Longbottom. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.
22. Neville Longbottom can piss into gale-force winds.
If you're looking for a person who commits themselves to reading book series' and reviewing them one chapter at a time... I can't see why you would be looking for such a person... I mean... just... even if you're not, check out the guy's site. Legit. I'm serious. Now. I'll wait... *taps toes, whistles, plays solitaire* Sorry, can't wait. Gotta go.
Big Harry Potter Survey Thingy (From Summer's Winter's profile)
Are you obsessed with Harry Potter? Yes.
Could you prove that statement in court? Yes.
Do you know any of the character's middle names? Yes
What's Hermione's? Jean.
What's Ron's? Bilius. Poor Ron...
What's Harry's? James.
What's Ginny's? Molly
Have you seen all of the movies? Yes.
Read all the books? Yes.
What do you think of JKR? Flawless queen of my heart.
Weasley? DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE, DAMN YOU.
Character overall? Probably Sirius, or Remus.
Female character? Ginny, Hermione or Tonks.
Male character? Sirius.
Group of characters? Golden Trio.
Spell? Expecto Patronum.
Sweet? Chocolate Frogs.
Place? The Burrow.
Weasley twin? George. RIP Fred. *sadfaces forever*
Shop? Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!
Weasley? Percy... *shakes fist*
Character overall? Umbridge.
Spell? Avada Kedavra.
Book? OotP, because of the Harry's angst...
Ship? Draco/Hermione, although I have read a few very well written Dramione fics. (I also got roped into writing one with my friend, but that's different.)
Sweet? Blood lollipops. Just... ew.
Death Eater? Bellatrix Lestrange.
Shop? Borgin and Burkes.
Place? The bathroom Moaning Myrtle hangs out in. Do the math.
Couples? What do you think?
Ron/Hermione? I love them.
Harry/Hermione? I thought this would happen for about five minutes, in CoS.
Harry/Ginny? Yep. I'm basically happy with everything canon.
Harry/Luna? Again, I had an inkling this would happen, but no.
Harry/Pansy? ... What?
Ron/Pansy? ... Where was this ever hinted at, EVER? O.o
Ron/Fleur? Isn't Fleur like... ten years older than Ron?
Hermione/Krum? Oh Krum, how you annoy me... (This is a "no", by the way.)
Hermione/Draco? N TO THE CAPITAL O!
Hermione/Fred or George? No...
Lily/Snape? ... Sort of...?
Draco/Pansy? Eh. I could care less.
Harry/Cho? Hey guess what, NO.
This or that?
Harry or Ron? Harry.
Hermione or Ginny? Tie, I guess.
Neville or Seamus? Neville.
Snape or Slughorn? Snape.
Fred or George? I believe you already asked that question, Survey-Maker.
Harry/Ginny or Harry/Hermione? Harry/Ginny.
Ron/Hermione or Harry/Hermione? Ron/Hermione.
Harry/Hermione or Harry/Luna? Harry/Luna. We all need more Luna Lovegood in our lives, yes?
Ron/Hermione or Ron/Luna? Ron/Hermione.
Hermione/Krum or Harry/Hermione? Harry/Hermione.
Ron/Lavender or Ron/Hermione? Ron/Hermione.
Butterbeer or Firewhisky? Butterbeer. Someday I will go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter just to try their butterbeer. AND NONE OF YOU CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.
Zonko's or Weasley's Wizard Wheezes? Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
Hog's Head or the Three Broomsticks? Three Broomsticks.
James/Lily or Snape/Lily? James/Lily.
Hogwarts or Hogsmeade? Oh god, um... I choose... not to choose. There.
Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley? Hogsmeade.
Malfoy Manor or Knockturn Alley? Malfoy Manor
Bertie Bott's or Fizzing Whizbees? Fizzing Whizbees. They sound awesome.
Witch Weekly or the Daily Prophet? ... The Quibbler. How about that.
Rita Skeeter or Barty Crouch? Rita. At least I could squish her if I wanted.
Griffindor or Ravenclaw? ... Damn you, Survey-Maker. DAMN YOU.
Have you been to a release party? No, but I went to see DH the day after it was released.
Ever cried while reading one of the books? I couldn't see the pages of my copy of DH through my tears when Dobby and/or Fred died WHY ARE THESE BOOKS SO TRAGIC
A movie? OotP. When Sirius died. COMPLETELY. SHATTERED.
Books or movies? BOOKS!!! AARRGGHH WHY DO PEOPLE GO SEE THE MOVIES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS.
Had a dream about Harry Potter? Yeah, when I was like eight and had a major-super-huge crush on Harry. DON'T JUDGE ME.
Been to a fansite? Mugglenet, and many tumblrs.
Been to JKR's site? Yep.
Have you ever roleplayed? Yep.
If so/did, who are you/were you? Draco. I regret some things.
Did you used to have an absurd theory? Yep. Lots of 'em.
What was it? That Harry would die at the same time Voldemort would die, and then Ginny would hook up with Seamus.
Did you/do you try to hide your obsession? No. There's no point.
Did it/does it work? I said no.
Ever dressed up like a character? For Halloween or for no reason at all? No, although one time my dad was Harry Potter thirty years later. "Yeah, yeah, famous wizard, defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort, that's me- now, do ya have enough insurance? Hmmm? Because you never know when another Dark Lord's gonna pop up!"
Ever noticed that you can't spell "Hermione" without "Ron"? No, I did not notice that. THAT IS AWESOME.
Did you just try to prove that wrong? ... Yes.
Noticed that if Harry and Hermione ever got married they'd have the exact same initials? I knew about Hermione becoming HP, but I just now realized that their middle names both start with J. THAT IS ALSO AWESOME.
Did you just try to prove that wrong? No.
Have you noticed that Lily Evans and Ginny Weasley are a lot alike? Yes.
Do you find it weird that Harry and James fell in love with girls so similar? No, but I'm sure someone somewhere has some crackpot paradox theory on this.
Do you know what fanfiction is? No, loser. *rolls eyes* Too bad sarcasm doesn't transfer to type very well.
Do you read fanfiction? ... What is this "fanfiction" you speak of?
If so, do you like it? Why would a person read fanfiction if they don't like it? Common sense, Survey-Maker.
Are you a member of a fanfiction site? No, this account has nothing to do with fanfiction...
What site? DUDE. WHAT.
Do you write fanfiction? Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Do you like to write fanfiction? ... If I didn't like it, why would I waste multiple hours each day writing it?
Ever had Harry Potter candy? Yep. Bertie Botts. Don't try the dirt flavor. Or the grass flavor. Or the... you know what? Just stay away from Bertie Bott's in general. You'll thank me later.
Do you own a lot of Harry Potter stuff? Yes.
Do you have Harry Potter Scene It? Yes.
Do you have a Harry Potter shirt? No.
What character are you most often compared to? Hermione, or the twins.
Do you agree with this? Yes.
Do you have any nicknames that relate to Harry Potter? No, most of my nicknames come from other rabid obsessions of mine.
What are they? *CLASSIFIED*
Do you object to being called by them? No.
Are your friends supportive of your obsession? My friends are probably more obsessed than I am. And that's saying something.
Do you have any inside jokes that relate to Harry Potter? Yep. Although technically from the Harry Potter Wii Game.
What's one? You don't have to explain. "Chasing girls again, Harry?"
Do you relate a lot of things to Harry Potter? Yes. It's a carefully honed skill, much like sarcasm.
Do you love being obsessed with Harry Potter? Yes, I do. It's fun.
Do you wish that you went to Hogwarts? I'm supposed to! I totally am! My letter just got lost in the mail... for two years... :(
Have you re-read the books? Yep.
Have you had a Harry-Potter-themed party? No, but I probably will when I turn seventeen.
Have you had an RP party? Nope.
Do you want to? Meh.
Have you ever read a Harry Potter musical? No, but I've watched one on Youtube.
Have you ever wrote one? No.
Do you want to? No.
Have you ever entered a contest to win something Harry Potter? No.
If you wrote a Hogwarts musical, would you let people read it? No.
Are you going to write one? No.
Is the musical thing annoying you? Kind of, dear Survey-Maker
Am I more annoying than Rita Skeeter? No, no one is more annoying than Rita.
If you actually made it to the end of this insanely long profile, congratulations.
In case you couldn't tell, I'm a big fan of bold, CAPITALS, and BOLDED CAPITALS. :)
That is all.
P.S. I'm still pretty young and have a lot of TEEN ANGST in my life, so I probably suck at writing. Just so you know. XD
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