Poll: what type of fic should i wright Vote Now!
Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter.
I AM AUTISTIC
PLEASE DO NOT HATE ME AND PLEASE DONT FLAME ME
I KNOW I CANNOT SPELL!!!!
My names Phoenix, I'm 17. On Facebook I am Firefly Evans. Come say hi!
My life consists of my various fandoms. It would take too long to list them all.
I have joined tumblr and I will put my blog up below love Phoenix :)xxx
THE REST OF THIS IS COMPLEAT RANDOM SHIT, FEEL FREE TO HIDE AND CONTIUE TO MY STORIES
"I'll admit that I have done alot of things that I am not proud of...wait,
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren’t, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienal, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, The-Good-Die-Alone, Daughter of a Renegade, Whistlesong of Icefang, Rushingriver, Black7369 lightnings pride
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
-On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and put this on your profile to bring a smile to someone (maybe even a chuckle)...
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not go to class skyclad.
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
A Harry Potter survey someone else made! (take it yourself and put it on your profile)
Question 1:What is your favourite Harry Potter book and why? Least favourite?
order of the phoenix coz it has sirius huging harry
Question 2:What is your favourite Harry Potter movie and why? Least favourite?
My favourite movie is also order of the phoenix
Question 3:Who is your favourite character?
Serious (insert me laughing) Black
Question 4:What is your favourite spell?
Levicorpus, or AVADA KEDAVRA!
Question 5:Who is your favourite teacher at Hogwarts?
Dumbledore aka SANTA!!!!
Question 6:Who is your favourite Death Eater (Voldemort included)?
Voldemort and bellatrix
Question 7:Who is your favourite Hogwarts Student?
Question 8:What house would you want to be in? Which house do you think you would be sorted into?
well on pottermore i am a hufflepuff so...GO GO HUFFLEPUFF!!!!!
Question 9:Would you join the Order or the Death Eaters?
Death Eaters so I could stop Bellatrix from killing Sirius.
Question 10:If you could choose any character to be your boyfriend/girlfriend, who would it be?
If I was ten years older and he was ten years younger, Sirius. But if that weren’t the case, Harry.
Question 11:Who would be your best friend?
Harry and Ron, or Sirius and James. or maybe gred and forge
Question 12:Warner Brothers postponed the release date of the Half-Blood Prince movie to July of 2009. What are your thoughts on this?
I AM ABSOLUTELY LIVID! Just because Warner Bros. wants it to be released in the American Summer so they will earn more money. PIGS! What about us stuck up posh English The film is probably sitting somewhere gathering dust while us fans mourn for the delay. die die Warner Bros now live live and do another film
Question 13:What is your favorite magical creature?
A Hippogriff or a Blast Ended Skrewt thestrals are cool as well as fluffy
Question 14:What is your favorite class at Hogwarts?
DADA or COMC
Question 15:Would you like to throw Dolores Umbridge into a boiling vat of acid?
Only if I could get her to sing ministry idiot by greenday
Question 16:What character would you dress up as for Halloween?
Voldemort or Snape. though last year i was Hermione
Question 17:How did you get your copy of The Deathly Hallows?
i blackmailed my parents into preordering it
Question 18:How did you get into Harry Potter?
my brother James recommended me so i borrowed the first book and became addicted. I never surfaced from said addiction. I am still suffering to this day, and loving it.
Question 19:What is one memorable experience you have had involving the series?
my french teacher court me reading ootp under the table and made me read it out loud in french ( i failed )
Question 20:Have you ever seen a movie you were not particularly interested in, simply because it had a Harry Potter actor in it?
Question 21:Would you go to Hogwarts, Durmstrang, or Beaubatons?
Question 22:What was your favorite Triwizard task?
Question 23:Before you read The Deathly Hallows, what was your opinion of Snape?
I thought he had a split personality disorder
Question 24:Do you read or write fanfiction?
WRITE WRITE WRITE! I haven’t published everything I have written. No way in a gazillion years.
And I read it, too.
Question 25:Which spell do you wish you could use in real life?
Muffiliato, Winguardiam Leviosa, Petrificus Totalus. silensio
Question 26:What position would you play in Quidditch?
beater or keeper
Question 27:What was your favorite moment in any of the books?
The Battle of Hogwarts, when Ron and Hermione kissed , when Tonks confessed her love for Lupin or the shrieking shack. oh and when sirius hugged harry
Question 28:What event in the series did you wish had happened differently?
SIRIUS SHOULD LIVE AND JAMES AND LILY POTTER SHOULD HAVE NEVER DIED
I also think it was pointless and cruel to kill Lupin, Tonks and Hedwig, and Percy the prat should have died, not beautiful Fred.(no offense, J.K. whatever you write goes… YOU ARE MY HERO) Although… Percy has to live with the guilt. EVIL GRIN
Question 29:Would you join the DA?
Question 30:Do you think Voldemort has EVER had a girlfriend?
She may have been under the Imperius Curse. Hell, I’d go to the movies with him. just so i could have freaked my family out
Question 31:What name from the series would you be willing to change your own name to?
Ariana, Hermione, Luna, Lily or Sirius (so that I could make fun of myself CONSTANTLY)
Question 32:What type of wand would you have?
Question 33:What would your pet be?
Question 34:If you could belong to any family in the series, which would it be?
The Blacks the potters or the lupins
Question 35:Which Hallow would you most like to have?
Question 36:What is your favorite horcrux?
Question 37:Ever seen Potter Puppet Pals?
Ron Ron Ron weasly
Question 38:What would your patronus be?
Question 39:What would be your animagus form?
A Black Arabian
Question 40:Who is your favorite Marauder?
Sirius!! or James or Remus
Question 41:If you went to Diagon Alley, where would you go first?
flourish and blotts
Question 42:Favorite member of the Black family?
Canon—Duuhhh, who do I love? Sirius. Fanfiction—Remy! (see black7369s story)
Question 43:Favorite member of the Weasley family?
Bill because he’s a punk or Fred because I laughed about Weatherby for an hour.
Question 44:Who should have won the Triwizard Cup?
Question 45:Who is your favorite actor in the films?
Alan Rickman or Gary Oldman.
Question 46:(insert actor here) should totally play (insert character here).
i phoenix evans should have played hermione
Question 47:What would you wear to the Yule Ball?
A short black dress and zebra print axsessorys
Question 48:How many times have you read the series?
1, 3 times
2, 4 times
5, 900times (mostly in denial, trying to see if I misread the part where Sirius dies. Thanks a bunch, Jk…. sobs
6, 7 times
7, 4 times
Question 49:Who is your favorite couple?
Book- Lily and James. FF- Remy and Harry (see black7369sstory. If you disagree, don’t bother arguing I won’t listen)
Question 50:Did you like this survey?
Now for some Randomness!
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):
1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!
7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. WORLD DOMINATION! BEST reason!
"There is no right or wrong, there is only power and the will to use it" (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone)
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
(Gravestone in Ireland)
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allan Poe
"I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." Edgar Allan Poe
"Stupidity is a talent for misconception." Edgar Allan Poe
Some funny sayings!!
"I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.
There are many things you should never say to a police officer. One of them is "I swear to drunk i'm not god."
I was lost in thought yesterday... it was unfamiliar territory."
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to pronounce.
I’m 21 and legally old enough to do all the stuff I’ve been doing since I was 13.
Ignore me, I'll love you for it.
Caution! I drive as bad as you do...
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that a hostage situation?
I do whatever the voices tell me to. It depends on who yells the loudest.
I hear voices, and they don't like you.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick...
My day is not complete till I have terrified a complete stranger .
Stop following me, I don't know where I'm going.
Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic and say: "Who do you think you are?"
Roses are red,
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Heaven doesn't want me, and hell's afraid I'll take over.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Heres some sayings from me to all of my loyal readers:
Still writing my story don't worry!! Just thinking right now!!
In Remembrance to Severus Snape,
In Remembrance to Fred Weasley,
In Remembrance to Dobby,
In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin,
In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks,
In Remembrance to Alastair 'Mad Eye' Moody,
In Remembrance to Tom Marvolo Riddle, A.K.A Voldemort,
In Remembrance to Albus Dumbledore,
In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange,
In Remembrance to Colin Creevey,
In Remembrance to Hedwig,
- This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
- This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
- This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".
- (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
- (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".
- This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
- A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".
Thanks A Lot
- This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.
WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME RELIGION.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME LOGIC.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME IRONY.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile :)
"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."
"The Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"The trouble with real life is that there's no background music."
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts."
"I have not lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Computers make very accurate mistakes. (22=3 Calculated in 0.000000001 seconds)"
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."
" If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."
"OK, I'm wierd! But I'm saving up to become eccentric."
"I tend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong."
"Yo-yo: an object occasionally up but normally down (See also: computer)."
"Beware of the letter "G." It is the end of everything."
"I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa."
"Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is."
"Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win."
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door..."
"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass"
"I'm not awesome, you just suck."
"IT'S THE SUGAR TALKING, I SWEAR!"
"People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'."
"I never said I was normal... you just presumed I was."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth.
Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!
Don't knock on Death's door; ring the bell and run- he hates that
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!
Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!
Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
I'm the kind of girl who would fall flat on my face, get up, laugh my head off, and say " That was fun!
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”
Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored
Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
Life sucks and then you die.
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?
“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”
Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.
Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don’t obsess! I think intensely.
Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”
“Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”
“Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.”
“I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”
“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.”
“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”
“If you know me, chances are you hate me.”
Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork
If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
Set sail in a general that way direction.
It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?
I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it
7 Reasons Not to Mess with Small Children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or
2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart
A mother takes a chocolate bar from her son. She forgets: little boys have small hands... perfect for pickpocketing.
Unsafe External Link