Author has written 51 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Pokémon, How to Train Your Dragon, Lilo & Stitch, Phineas and Ferb, and Legend of Zelda.
everything here is insanely outdated, I hope you know
My other accounts:
TheWalrusSingsAtMidnight26 (shared with xXxDaughteroftheKingxXx)
BeginningTheREVOLUTION (shared with the other members of the revolution)
LegendsofLit (shared with other . . . people, I guess)
MaxVesta (DeviantArt account)
musiclover99 (archiveofourown account)
Currently not updating fics (see below) and/or uploading any. Easily found on my tumblr, though - or somewhere around tumblr. Can also be found on deviantArt, but probably not as often? Writing motivation currently gone, unfortunately, but I do have just a few ideas floating around . . .
(Though, they're not Percy Jackson, for any followers that are here just because of that.)
Fic Status (not including one-shots):
3, 2, 1, HAPPY V-DAY!: Completed (the first one at that).
Pokémon Ranger: Guardian Signs: "UNKNOWN AMOUNT OF TIME" HIATUS.
Prank Wars: Unofficial hiatus.
Carved in Stone: Deleted. Terminated. Not gonna happen.
Pokémon Ranger Guardian Signs: "UNKNOWN AMOUNT OF TIME" HIATUS
The Disney's Perseus: Unofficial hiatus.
More fics to come to a fanfiction archive near you.
If you'd rather skip all this random crap, feel free to press "hide bio" instead of endlessly scrolling through a stupid profile. To the random
Alias: Max Vesta
Nicknames that no one ever really uses anymore: Ninja, Little Ninja, Mini Ninja, Little Girl, Little M, Slash, Shadow, Gingerale . . .
"I'm more of an old fashioned, 'take it down with an axe and then LOP it's head off' kinda girl." -Astrid Hofferson
"Wisdom begins in wonder." -Socrates
"To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid." -Unknown
"Nerds, like us, are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like, jump-up-and-down-in-your-chair-can't-control-yourself love it. When people call people nerds, mostly what they're saying is, 'You like stuff.' Which is not a good insult at all. Like, 'You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness."
'Zang! Who is that, sprinting over the cliffs! It is Max, hands clutching a thorned whip! And with a vengeful howl, her voice cometh:
"I'm going to make tacos with your corpse!!!"'
Hair Color: Black. Just - black.
Long or Short: In the middle - just past my shoulders. Barely.
Straight or Curly: Both. (My mom's got straight and my dad's got curled.) Meaning it gets messed up and looks like a nest for a hamster. Very often. Yay.
Eye Color: Dark brown
Big or Small: . . . is this implying something? (If you're referring to what I think you're referring to, I'm not a guy.)
Tattoos: Ahahahhaha fuck that.
This or That
Fire or Ice:
Day or Night: Night.
Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Chocolate.
Tea or Soda: Soda.
Juice or Water: Water.
White Milk or Chocolate Milk: Chocolate :U
Italian or Chinese: Italian.
McDonald's or Burger King: In-N-Out. XP (Burger King.)
Pizza Hut or Domino's: Pizza Hut.
Watermelon or Kiwi: Watermelon.
Strawberry or Blueberry: Blueberries.
Cherry or Banana: Cherry.
Summer or Winter: Summer.
Spring or Fall: Spring.
Snowy or Rainy: Rain.
I wish I were . . . a writer/mangaka.
Because I . . . like to write/draw.
Sometimes I think . . . I'm a total asshole.
Sometimes I wonder . . . if I should or shouldn't choke people in my mind.
The best feeling in the world is . . . happiness, I guess. Or pride. Maybe.
The worst feeling in the world is . . . that moment when you feel so fucking sad you just wanna beat the crap out of everything and possibly kill someone.
WHAT AM I?
You own a cell phone.
You own something from Abercrombie.
You own something from Pacsun.
You own something from Hollister.
You own something from American Eagle
You love/like going to the mall.
You own an iPod/MP3 player.
You love Starbucks.
You have been called a brat.
You hate buying things that are on sale.
You have more than one house.
Total : 2
Black is one of your favorite colors.
You have thought about death.
You wear chains.
You like heavy metal.
You've shopped at Hot Topic.
You have worn black lipstick.
Your hair was/is dark.
You dislike preps.
You're an athiest/ satanist/agnostic.
Total : 5
You can skateboard
You've worn plaid.
You like Converse
You hate MTV
You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.
You dislike pink.
You hate/dislike preps.
You wear/wore skateboarding shoes.
Total : 3
You love the computer.
You like Harry Potter
You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts
You get straight A's.
You love/like reading.
You were/are in band
You don't care what you look like.
You have a curfew.
You always do your homework.
You never miss school unless you're sick.
Total : 6
You cut yourself over depression
You have been depressed.
You have black rimmed glasses.
You like the band Evanescence
You cry easily.
You like "emo" music.
You hate being called emo.
You keep/have kept a journal/diary.
You have written a sad poem
You think emo chicks/dudes are hot
Total : 6
You like rap.
You are/was in a gang.
You wear/wore rubber bands in your pants.
You swear once in a while or a lot
You have free-styled.
You have worn high tops with the tongue flipped out.
You can break dance
Total : 2
You like loud music
You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
You never walk anywhere.
You wear slip-on shoes.
You wear/wore Vans.
You like the band Panic! at the disco
You wear band t-shirts.
People have called you a freak and meant it.
You love to "hardcore" dance
Your hair has been died more than 1 color
You watch/watched the Superbowl.
You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
You collect your jerseys.
you have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards
You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.
Your garage consists of sports equipment
You belong/belonged to a school team.
You are going/did go to a sports summer camp
You have a specific number
Total : 3
GUY SIDE, GIRL SIDE
You love hoodies
You love jeans
Dogs are better than cats
It's hilarious when people get hurt
You've played with/against boys on a team
Shopping is torture
Sad movies suck
You own(ed) an X-Box
Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter
You own(ed) a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
You watch sports on TV
Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice
You own like a trillion baseball caps
You like going to high school football games
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards
Baggy pants are cool to wear
It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favorite colors
You love to go crazy and not care what people think
Sports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks at night
You wear lip gloss/stick
You love wearing skirts
Cats are better than dogs
You love to shop
You wear eyeliner
You wear the color pink
Go to your mom for advice
Pink, yellow, orange, purple or gold is one of your favorite colors
You hate wearing the colour black
You like hanging out at the shopping center
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
You like Swains jewelry
Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies
You don't like the movie Star Wars
You were in gymnastics/dance
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed and make-up
You smile a lot more than you should
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes
You care about what you look like
You like wearing dresses when you can
You like wearing body perfume.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like being the star of everything.
I pledge myself to the goddess Artemis.
I turn my back on the company of men,
accept eternal maidenhood,
and join the Hunt.
My "Personality Test" results:
So I'm an emo geek tomboy Huntress along with blah blah . . . . . well then. Well, enjoy the rest of this profile then!
I promise to remember Percy
whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
for Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
when my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
whenever I see a sign that says "free pony ride"
I promise to remember Tyson
whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
whenever a limo passes my car.
Yes, I promise to remember PJO
wherever I may go
So all may see my obsession
because I know what the Olympians know!
Now swear it on the River Styx!
20 Q's (Paste this into your profile if you are an PJatO Fan)
Q1: If you could hang out anywhere in Camp Half-Blood, where would it be?
MA: I don't give a shit, man, I'm at freaking Camp Half-Blood.
Q2: Which PJatO Character Would You Date?
MA: Percy, Nico, Leo, maybe Frank . . .
Q3: Which PJatO Character Is Your Best Friend?
MA: Just take out the titans and gods and monsters and people who'll end up finding me annoying. Yeah.
Q4: Which PJatO Character Do You Hate?
MA: Hera? Can't really think of anyone else. Gaia's pretty bad too, but eh.
Q5: Your Favorite PJatO book?
MA: I loved Lightning Thief, Last Olympian, and Titan's Curse, okay.
Q6: Your Favorite PJatO Character?
MA: Percy or Leo or Annabeth or . . . hm.
Q7: Favorite God or Goddess?
MA: . . . Artemis, maybe. Or Hestia?
Q8: Percy walks up to you, what do you do?
MA: "Take me to Camp. Now. Please?"
Q9: You just got 2 tickets to go see a concert, who do you take with you?
MA: Anyone. Besides, y'know, monsters and stuff.
Q10: You accidentally got stranded on a deserted island . . . who got stranded with you?
MA: . . . depends on how I got stranded.
Q11: Hermes asked you to help him repopulate Olympus . . . what is your answer to this disturbing question?
Q12: Favorite PJatO Pairing?
Q13: You and the Big Three are on Olympus . . . . ????
MA: Cause all the chaos in the mortal world.
Q14: If you could spend your Friday Nights doing something, what would it be?
MA: Anywhere, all day erryday.
Q15: Favorite PJatO Quote?
MA: Just keep scrolling, you'll reach a crapton of them.
Q16: Favorite Percy Moment?
MA: Supreme lord of the bathroom comes up.
Q17: Favorite Nico Moment?
MA: "With great power . . . comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."
Q18: Favorite god or goddess Moment?
MA: Poseidon forcing Zeus to admit he needed help with Typhon.
Q19: Favorite Grover Moment?
MA: Grover loses his pants.
Q20: Favorite Random Moment?
MA: Just this series, man.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians:
Perseus Jackson. Savior of Olympus. Main character of the epicest book ever.
Electricity. That's what will shock you if you mess with Thalia Grace. Or Zeus. Or Jason.
Riptide. Percy's lethal ballpoint pen.
Clarisse. That's who will go after you if you beat her in a battle/irritate her. (And you don't want an angry Clarisse. It's bad enough when she's not angry.)
Yellow duffle bags. Helped Percy, Tyson, and Annabeth, and were given to them by Hermes.
Jason Grace. Thalia's "lost" "little" brother (he's technically older than her . . . maybe).
Annabeth Chase. One of Percy's best friends (and now also his girlfriend [PERCABETH!!]) and the official architect of Olympus.
Chiron. The trainer of heroes.
Kaleidoscope. What Piper's eyes look like to Jason.
Son of Neptune. The book we CAN'T WAIT FOR. (and protests that Percy is a son of POSEIDON not NEPTUNE)
Olympus. Home of the gods, saved by the demigods.
Nemesis. Ethan's mother. Don't worry, she's getting her revenge on his death.
Atlas. Zoë's father.
Never back down. The phrase that reminds me of TLO, Percy, Annabeth, Silena, Beckendorf . . .
Dionysus. The god of wine. (More like the god of Diet Coke- shhh, don't tell him I said that!)
Thalia Grace. Hunter and Lieutenant of Artemis and daughter of Zeus.
Hephaestus. The father of our favorite fire boy (for those of you who don't know, it's Leo).
Empathy link. What Grover and Percy have. Saved Grover's life a couple of times (and helped Percy out too . . . kinda).
Officers. The immortal skeletons dressed up as officers (Nico should give 'em a new uniform).
Lupa. The she-wolf we all want to know about.
Morpheus. The gods of dreams. Put NYC asleep during TLO ("What did they do? What have they do to my city?" -Percy, The Last Olympian)
Persephone. The kidnapped wife of Hades. Believes every hero is brave and wants to give them a chance.
Iapetus. Percy's Titan friend who is called Bob!
Artemis. Goddess of the Hunt. Has hunters, including Thalia.
Nothing lasts forever. Even the gods.
Switched. Percy and Jason are switched. Jason at CHB, Percy at Legion Camp.
The Lightning Thief Prophecy:
You shall go west and face the god who has turned,
You shall find what was stolen and see it safely returned.
You shall be betrayed by one who calls you a friend,
And you shall fail to save what matters most, in the end.
The Sea of Monsters Prophecy:
You shall sail the iron ship with warriors of bone.
You shall find what you seek and make it your own.
But fear for your life entombed within stone
And fail without friends, to fly home alone.
The Titan's Curse Prophecy:
Five shall go west to the goddess in chains.
One shall be lost in the land without rain.
The bane of Olympus shows the trail.
Campers and Hunters combined prevail.
The titan's curse nust one withstand,
And one shall perish by a parent's hand.
The Battle of the Labyrinth Prophecy:
You shall delve in the darkness of the endless maze,
The dead, the traitor, the lost one, raise.
You shall rise or fall by the ghost king's hand.
The child of Athena's final stand.
Destroy with the hero's last breath,
And lose a love to worse than death.
THE GREAT PROPHECY:
A half-blood of the eldest gods
Shall reach sixteen against all odds
And see the world in endless sleep.
The hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap.
A single choice shall end his days
Olympus, to preserve or raze.
THE NEXT GREAT PROPHECY:
Seven half-bloods shall answer the call,
To storm or fire the world must fall.
An oath to keep with a final breath,
And foes bear arms to the doors of death.
LOST HERO PROPHECY:
Child of Lightning, beware the earth,
The giants' revenge the seven shall birth,
The forge and dove shall break the cage,
And death unleash, through Hera's rage.
THE SON OF NEPTUNE SORTA-PROPHECY(S):
'Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die.'
To the north, beyond the gods, lies the legion's crown
Falling from ice, the son of Neptune shall drown
Wisdom's daughter walks alone
the Mark of Athena burns through Rome.
FUN QUOTES FROM BOOKS, TV, MOVIES, ETC.
"There’s no such thing as a painless lesson. They just don’t exist. Sacrifices are necessary. You can’t gain anything without losing something first although if you can endure that pain and walk away from it, you’ll find that you now have a heart strong enough to overcome any obstacle."
"Life's a bitch, so if it's easy, you're doing it wrong."
-Core Pride, song by UVERWorld, used as Blue Exorcist theme 1
'"Braccas meas vascimini!"
I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant, "Eat my pants!"'
-Percy Jackson, The Lightning Thief, pg166
"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle. Forget about it."
"Percy, I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle."
The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle.
-Percy and Annabeth Chase, Lightning Thief, pg195
"Annabeth . . ." I stammered. "How did you . . . how long have you . . ."
"Pretty much all morning." She sheathed her bronze knife. "I've been trying to find a good time to talk to you, but you were never alone."
"That shadow I saw this morning-that was-" My face felt hot. "Oh my gods, were you looking in my bedroom window?"
"There's no time to explain!" she snapped, though she looked a little red-faced herself."
-The Sea of monsters, pg23
'I almost didn't recognize her. She was wearing a sleeveless silk dress like C.C.'s, only white. Her blond hair was newly washed and combed and braided with gold. Worst of all, she was wearing makeup, which I never thought Annabeth would be caught dead in. I mean she looked good. Really good. I probably would've been tongue-tied if I could've said anything except reet, reet, reet. But there was also something totally wrong about it. It just wasn't Annabeth.'
-Sea of Monsters, pg168
'Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig."
"Me too." I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt.'
-Sea of Monsters, pg183
"Hubris? You mean that brown stuff you put on vegetables?"
"That's hummus. Hubris is much worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"
-Percy and Annabeth, Sea of Monsters, pg199
'I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
"Well?" Annabeth said.
"Um, who should I ask?"
She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."
"Oh. Oh, right."
-The Titan's Curse, pg12
'“Hey, can I see that sword you were using?"
I showed him Riptide, and explained how it turned from a pen into a sword just by uncapping it.
"Cool! Does it ever run out of ink?"
"Um, well, I don't actually write with it."
"Are you really the son of Poseidon?"
"Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)'
-Titan's Curse, pg36
“You're a stalker with hooves."
"I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.”
-Percy and Grover, Titan's Curse
'When she smiled at me, just for a moment she looked a little like Annabeth. Then like this television actress I used to have a crush on in fifth grade. Then . . . well, you get the idea.
"Ah, there you are, Percy," the goddess said. "I am Aphrodite."
I slipped into the seat across from her and said something like, "Um uh gah."
-Titan's Curse, pg184-187
Zoe:"Where is the dam snack bar?"
Grover:"The dam snack bar?"
Zoe:"Yes, what is so funny?"
Grover:"Nothing, I could use some dam french fries."
Thalia:"And I need to use the dam restroom."
Zoe:"I do not understand."
Grover:"I wanna use the dam water fountain."
Thalia:"And I want to buy a dam T-shirt."
-Titan's Curse, pg208
"Think positive. Tomorrow, you're off to camp! After orientation, you've got your date-"
"It's not a date!" I protested. "It's just Annabeth, Mom. Jeez!"
"She's coming all the way from camp to see you."
"You're going to the movies."
"Just the two of you."
-The Battle of the Labyrinth, pg2
'It was hard to concentrate on what she was saying, because everybody in the dining pavilion was stealing glances at us and whispering, and Annabeth was right next to me. I mean right next to me.'
-Percy Jackson, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg45
"New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you right now if you don't BACK OFF! . . . CLASS DISMISSED!"
-Percy, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg201
"Put your cap back on," I said. "Get out!"
"What?" Annabeth shrieked. "No! I'm not leaving you."
"I've got a plan. I'll distract them. You can use the metal spider-maybe it'll lead you back to Hephaestus. You have to tell him what's going on."
"But you'll be killed!"
"I'll be fine. Besides, we've got no choice."
Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me. And then she did something that surprised me even more. She kissed me.
"Be careful, Seaweed Brain." She put on her hat and vanished.
I probably would've sat there for the rest of the day, staring at the lava and trying to remember what my name was, but the sea demons jarred me back to reality.
-Battle of the Labyrinth, the infamous pg203
'I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."'
-Percy, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg307
"With great power . . . comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."
-Nico di Angelo, Last Olympian, pg128
'Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition, right?"
I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching towards us.
"Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we'll see."
I figured it was the best offer I would get, so I stepped out from behind the school bus. I walked up the bridge in plain sight, straight towards the enemy.'
-Percy and Annabeth, The Last Olympian, pg181
"I'm so cool I wanna date myself, but I can't figure out how! You wanna date me instead?"
-Leo Valdez, Lost Hero
Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, ‘festus’ means ‘happy’? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"
"I can't summon any more gas!" Leo warned. Then his face turned red. "Wow, that came out wrong. I mean the burning kind. Gonna take the tool belt a while to recharge. What you got, man?"
"Can we just call them storm spirits?” Leo asked. “Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks."
Leo closed his hand and the fire went out. "Didn't want to look like a freak."
"I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell, 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!'"
"Now you show up?" he demanded. "After fifteen years? Great parenting, Fur Face. Where do you get off sticking your ugly nose into my dreams?"
[a few paragraphs later] . . . .
"I'm not good with children," the god confessed. "Or people. Well, any organic life forms, really. I thought about speaking to you at your mom's funeral. Then again when you were in fifth grade . . . that science project you made, steam-powered chicken chucker. Very impressive."
"You saw that?"
Hephaestus pointed to the nearest worktable, where a shiny bronze mirror showed a hazy image of Leo asleep on the dragon's back.
"Is that me?" Leo asked. "Like—me right now, having this dream—looking at me having a dream?"
Piper gripped his hand and followed him. "If I fall, you're catching me."
"Uh, sure." Jason hoped he wasn't blushing.
Leo stepped out next. "You're catching me, too, Superman. But I ain't holding your hand."
-The Lost Hero
Leo looked stunned. He glanced behind him, like Khione might be talking to somebody else. For a second Jason was worried. He figured Leo didn't have beautiful goddesses make him offers like this every day.
Then Leo laughed so hard, he doubled over. "Yeah, join you. Right. Until you get bored of me and turn me into a Leosicle? Lady, nobody messes with my dragon and gets away with it. I can't believe I thought you were hot."
Khione's face turned red. "Hot? You dare insult me? I am cold, Leo Valdez. Very, very cold."
She shot a blast of wintry sleet at the demigods, but Leo held up his hand. A wall of fire roared to life in front of them, and the snow dissolved in a steamy cloud.
Leo grinned. "See, lady, that's what happens to snow in Texas. It—freaking—melts."
-The Lost Hero
'Frank stared at him, a little bit in awe. Percy had the chance to get his memory back, and he was willing to wait in case someone else needed the vial more? Romans were supposed to be unselfish and help their comrades, but Frank wasn't sure anyone else at camp would have made the same choice.'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
'Percy's eyes lit up. "Like Capture-The-Flag. I think I like capture-the-flag."'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
'Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?
Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
"There!" Mars finished writing and threw the scroll at Octavian. "A prophecy. You can add it to your books, engrave it on your floor, whatever."
Octavian read the scroll. "This says, 'Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die.'"
"Yes," Mars sad. "Is that not clear?"
"Well, my lord . . . usually prophecies are unclear. They're wrapped in riddles. They rhyme, and . . ."
Mars casually popped off another grenade off his belt. "Yes?"
"The prophecy is clear!" Octavian announced. "A quest!"'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
'Percy imagined what that would be like: getting an apartment in this tiny replica of Rome, protected by the legion and Terminus the OCD border god. He imagined holding hands with Annabeth at a cafe. Maybe when they were older, watching their own kid chase seagulls across the forum . . .'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
"We were plenty good last night when we whipped your podex, Larry!"
"Enough, Dakota," Reyna said. "Let's leave Larry's podex out of this."
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
"She was in the baths. Scared her out of her mind."
"That I would've paid to see," Frank said. "I mean - her expression. Not, you know, the baths."
"Frank!" Hazel fanned her face like she need air.'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
"Except it's Chinese," Frank said. "My grandmother has one of those." He flinched. "I mean, hers isn't twelve feet tall. But she imports stuff . . . from China. We're Chinese." He looked at Hazel and Percy, who were trying their hardest not to laugh. "Could I just die from embarassment now?" he asked.'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
'As they jogged through the lobby, Percy figured Annabeth would like this place. It was spacious and brightly lit, with big vaulted windows. Books and architecture, that was definitely her . . .
He froze in his tracks.
"Percy?" Frank asked. "What's wrong?"
Percy tried desperately to concentrate. Where had those thoughts come from? Architecture, books . . . Annabeth had taken him to a library once, back home in - in - The memory faded. Percy slimmed his fist into the side of a bookshelf.'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
"The horse seems to feel your despair," the queen said. "Interesting. He's immortal, you know - the son of Neptune and Ceres."
Hazel blinked. "Two gods had a horse for a kid?"
-The SON OF NEPTUNE
"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man.'"
"You speak horse?" Hazel asked.
"'Baby man'?" Frank spluttered.
"Speaking to horses is a Poseidon thing," Percy said. "Uh, I mean a Neptune thing."
"Then you and Arion should get along fine," Hazel said. "He's a son of Neptune too."
Percy turned pale. "Excuse me?"
If they hadn't been in such a bad situation, Percy's expression might have made her laugh.'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE, pg341
"I'm practically home," [Frank] said. "My grandmother's house is right over there."
Hazel squinted. "How far?"
"Just over the river and through the woods."
Percy raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? To Grandmother's house we go?"
Frank cleared his throat. "Yeah, anyway."
-The SON OF NEPTUNE, pg348
"What are these guys?" he whispered.
"Canadians," Percy said.
Frank leaned away from him. "Excuse me?"
"Uh, no offense," Percy said. "That's what Annabeth called them when I fought them before. She said they live in the north, in Canada."
-The SON OF NEPTUNE, pg350
"Jeez, Hazel," Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."
Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?"
"With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top."
Frank looked incredulous. "I thought the horse couldn't fly!"
This time Arion whinnied so angrily, even Hazel could tell he was cursing.
"Dude," Percy told the horse, "I've gotten suspended for saying less than that."
Percy and Frank both cussed like horses and held on desperately while Hazel wrapped her arms around Arion's neck.
-The SON OF NEPTUNE, pg439-440
"Of course, once you've been stuck with a label - like dyslexic, disruptive, troublemaker - it's pretty hard to change things back, because you're dealing with people's perceptions. They don't see "you" anymore, they just see the label."
-Demigods and Monsters
"This is Berk. It's twelve days north of hopeless and a few degrees south of freezing to death. It is located solidly on the Meridian of Misery.
. . . my village. In a word; sturdy. It's been here for seven generations, but every single building is new. We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunset. The only problems are the pests. You see, most places have mice or mosquitoes. We have . . . ."
"Most people would leave. Not us. We're vikings, we have stubbornness issues. My name's Hiccup. Great name, I know, but it's not the worse. Parents believe that a hideous name will ward off gnomes and trolls. Like our charming Viking demeanor wouldn't do that."
Random Viking: "AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! Mornin!"
-Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, How to Train Your Dragon
"Well, nice of you to join the party. I thought you'd been carried off."
"Wha, who, me? Nah, I'm way to muscular for their taste. They wouldn't know what to do with all *flexes* this."
"Well, they need toothpicks, don't they?"
"The meathead with attitude and interchangeable hands is Gobber. I've been his apprentice ever since I was little. Well, littler."
-Gobber the Belch and Hiccup, How To Train Your Dragon
"Aw come on, let me out! Please! I need to make my mark!"
"Oh you've made plenty of marks. all in the wrong places."
"Please! Two minutes, I'll kill a dragon, my life will get infinitely better! I might even get a date!"
"You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even through one of these!"
"Okay, fine, but this will throw it for me." *hits Viking*
"See, now this right here is what I'm talking about."
"Bu- a, mild calibration-"
"Hiccup. If you ever wanna get out there to fight dragons, you need to stop all this."
"But you just pointed to all of me!"
"Yes! That's it! Stop being all of you."
"Oh ho ho."
"Oh ho, that's it."
"You, sir, are playing a dangerous game. Keeping this much raw viking-ness contained. There will be consequences!"
"I'll take my chances. Sword, sharpen, now."
-Gobber and Hiccup, How To Train Your Dragon
"One day I'll get out there. Because killing a dragon is everything around here. A Nadder head is sure to get me at least noticed. Gronckles are tough, taking down one of those would definitely get me a girlfriend. A Zippleback? Exotic. Two heads, twice the status. . . . And then, there's the Monstrous Nightmare. Only the best vikings go after those. They have this nasty habit of setting themselves on fire. . . . But the ultimate prize is the dragon that no one has ever seen. We call it the- "Night Fury!" "Get down!"
This thing never steals food, never shows itself, and *building gets blasted* Never misses. No one has ever killed a Night Fury. That's why I'M gonna be the first."
"Man the fort, Hiccup. They need me out there. Stay. Put. There. . . You know what I mean. AHH!!"
-Hiccup and Gobber, How to Train Your Dragon
"It's always with this disappointed scowl, like someone skimmed the meat off his sandwich. Excuse me bar maid, I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered for an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side! This 'ere, this is a talkin fish bone!"
"Now, you're thinkin about it this all wrong. It's not so much what you LOOK like he can't stand, it's what's INSIDE."
". . . thank you, for summing that up."
-Hiccup and Gobber, How To Train Your Dragon
"Oh yeah, perfect. And when I'm busy, Hiccup can cover the stall. Molten steel, razor sharp blades, lots of time to himself. What could possibly go wrong?"
"Trolls exist! They steal your socks! But only the left ones. Huh, what's with that?"
"When I was a boy-"
"Oh here we go."
"-my father told me to bang my head against a rock. I did it. I thought it was crazy, but I did it. And you know what happened?"
"You got a headache."
-Stoick and Gobber, HTTYD
"Hey, hands off my shield!"
"There's like a million shields!"
"Take that one, it has flowers on it. Girls like flowers."
*grabs shield and bangs his head* "Oops, now this one has blood on it."
-Ruffnut and Tuffnut, HTTYD
"Thunderdrum . . . . extremely danger, kill on sight . . . Timberjack . . . extremely dangerous, kill on sight . . . Scauldren . . . extremely dangerous, kill on sight . . . . Changewing . . . . kill on sight . . . Gronckle, Zippleback, the Scrill, Boneknapper, Whispering Death . . . launch it's victims, buries it's victims, chokes it's victims, turns it's victims inside out . . . extremely dangerous, extremely dangerous . . . . kill on sight, kill on sight, kill on sight . . . Night Fury. Speed, unknown. Size, unknown. The unholy offspring of lightning and death itself. Do not engage this dragon. Your only chance: hide, and pray it does not find you."
"Duh duh duh, we're dead. . . . Whoa whoa whoa, and where do you think you're going?"
"Toothless, down. Gently. *wings flap out* See? Nothing to be afraid of. *fast take off* Waah!! TOOTHLESS! What is wrong with you? Bad dragon! He's, uh, he's not usually like this. Oh no. *goes underwater* Toothless what are you doing, we need her to like us! . . And now he's spinning. Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile."
"Oh, this is amazing! The wind in my- CHEAT SHEET!!"
"Everything we know about you guys . . . is wrong."
"It's a mess. You must feel horrible. You've lost everything, your father, your tribe, your best friend-"
"Thank you, for summing that up. Why couldn't I have killed that dragon when I found him in the woods? It would've been better for everyone."
"Yup. The rest of us would've done it. So why didn't you? . . . Why didn't you?"
"I don't know. I couldn't."
"That's not an answer."
"Why is this so important to you all of the sudden?"
"Because I wanna remember what you say, right now."
"Oh for the love of- I was a coward, I was weak. I wouldn't kill a dragon!"
"You said wouldn't that time."
"Ah, ge whatever! I wouldn't! Three hundred years, and I'm the first viking who wouldn't kill a dragon."
". . . first to ride on though. So . . .?"
"I wouldn't kill him because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him, and I saw myself."
". . . I bet he's really frightened now. What are you gonna do about it?"
"Ah, I dunno. Probably something stupid."
"Good, but you've already done that."
" . . . then something crazy."
"That's more like it."
-Astrid Hofferson and Hiccup, HTTYD
Tuffnut: "You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon."
Hiccup: "Uh, I-"
Tuffnut: "It's me."
Snotlout: "I love this plan."
Ruffnut: "You're crazy. I like that."
"As soon as we break open this mountain, all Hel is gonna break loose."
"And my undies. Good thing I brought extras!"
-Stoick and Gobber, HTTYD
"Look at us! Look at us! We're on dragons, we're on dragons, all of us!" . . . .
"Everyone knows I'm more irritating! Blahaehdelkhaejhlkjoijy!"
"Every thread of stubborn, boneheaded viking you ever were."
"This is Berk. It snows nine months of the year, and hails the other three. Any food that grows here is tough, and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so. The only upsides, are the pets. Well other places have ponies or parrots. We have . . . . dragons. *Toothless screech*"
Ruffnut: "Wait. You mean if we don't hear anything, we're dead?"
Tuffnut: "I don't hear anything."
Phil the sheep: "BAAAA!"
Gobber: "Ah haha, good one Phil!"
-Legend of the Boneknapper
"No worries, kids. I've been shipwrecked many times."
"Well that's, comforting."
-Gobber and Hiccup, Legend of the Boneknapper
"But then, from the depths of the ocean, lept forth a hammerhead whale! . . . . I ran up the side of a volcano and courageously leapt across the fiery crater! Then deep within the boiling e crater, lept out the giant hammerhead yak! . . . Then, captured, I did what any brave viking would do. 'HELP!!' The gods must of heard my prayers. It was Thor! He tossed a mighty thunderbolt. 'Oh, you missed!' 'Wait for it.' Then, from the center of the earth blasted out the hammerhead yak RIDING the hammerhead whale! 'Deploy the yak.'"
-Gobber, Legend of the Boneknapper
"Find a happy place, find a happy place . . ."
-Snotlout, Legend of the Boneknapper
Hiccup: "Gobber! Take of your pants!"
Everyone else: "NO!!!"
-Legend of the Boneknapper
Hiccup: . . . . "Give him back his bone!"
Hiccup: "Give him back his bone!"
Gobber: "Nooooooooo!! Nooooooo- alright."
-Legend of the Boneknapper
pants fall down* Gobber: "Eh heh heh."
Hiccup: Oh, it's gonna give me nightmares.
-Legend of the Boneknapper
'This is Berk, boasting the kind of balmy, fun-in-the-sun climate that will give you frostbite on your spleen. The one upside is our annual holiday. We call it Snoggletog. Why we chose such a stupid name remains a mystery, but with the war long over and with dragons living amongst us, this year's Snoggletog promises to be one to remember.'
-Hiccup, 'The Gift of the Night Fury'
"Well good morning, Mr. Bossy."
*Toothless does a chatter thing*
*Hiccup imitates the chatter thing with something that sounds like "Nng-ng-ng-ng-ng-ng-ng."*
-Hiccup and Toothless, 'The Gift of the Night Fury'
Gobber while having reindeer antlers covered in mistletoe on his head and lanterns in his hand: "You're right! We are Vikings! We're tough! *bells on his interchangeable hand jingle* . . . most of the time. Let's sing some Snoggletog songs."
-Gobber, 'The Gift of the Night Fury'
Tuffnut: "What's that smell? Is that you? *shoves Ruffnut*"
Astrid: "It's yak nog! *pours some lumpy, bad milkeggyak looking mix into cup*"
Tuffnut: "Uch, if I drink that, I'm gonna yak nog all over the place."
Astrid: "Maybe you'd rather taste a punch in the face?"
Snotlout: "Astrid, it sounds delightful, I'd love one. *drinks; blech sound* You could really taste the yak. *after Astrid leaves; starts looking like he's gonna throw up*"
Ruffnut: "Are you crying?"
-'The Gift of the Night Fury'
"Bad dragon! Very bad dragon! You scared me to death! Don't ever stay away that long again, and what is in your mouth?"
*Toothless yaks dragon saliva onto Hiccup while putting on his helmet*
"Yeah, you found my helmet . . . Hey! You found my helmet! That's where you've been? Buddy, thank you. You are amazing. *hug*"
-Hiccup, 'The Gift of the Night Fury'
"Winter in Berk lasts most of the year. It hangs on with both hands hands and won't let go. And the only real comforts against the cold are the ones you keep close to your heart.
Okay, bud, are you ready? *Toothless nods; Hiccup unhooks his prosthetic from the saddle, stands on it, then flips off, divebombing side-by-side with Toothless*
Turns out, that was the best Snoggletog ever. That year, I gave my best friend a pretty great gift. *latches back onto saddle* Yee-hoo! *flies extremely fast past the trees and mountains* He gave me a better one."
-Hiccup, 'The Gift of the Night Fury' (The first time I saw this part, I cried. A lot. It's just . . . oh my god, I love these two. I mean, Toothless could've flown independently, but he practically said, "No, I WANT to need you." It's . . . oh god. I need a moment again.)
'So, Hiccup, how did you train a Night Fury?'
'First I had to get his attention. Then I needed to earn his trust. Everyone wonders what it's like to fly. And now, thanks to Toothless, we know. These islands are full of dragons, but I've never seen another Night Fury. I have so many questions about him. But I know one thing. Toothless didn't just become my friend. He became the friend who gave me my purpose.'
-Gobber and Hiccup, 'The Book of Dragons'
"Well then, I'd better finish up these Night Fury pages. There's still so much to learn."
"Yeah! Like how fast Toothless can go."
"Well, to be honest, I don't know his top speed, but . . . oh! Somebody wants to find out, does he?"
"Last one to the peak has to clean the stables!"
-Hiccup, Fishlegs, and Astrid, 'The Book of Dragons'
'I just love family meetings. Very cozy, with the Christmas garlands round the fireplace and a nice pot of tea and a detective from Scotland Yard ready to arrest you.'
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg39
"Oh no," I said panic rising in my chest. "No, no, no! Somebody get a can opener, I've got a god in my head!!"
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg218
"Now, now," Bast said. "It's not so bad."
"Right," I said. "We're stuck in Washington, D.C. We have two days to make it to Arizona and stop a god we don't know how to stop. And if we can't, we'll never see our dad or Amos again, and the world might end."
"That's the spirit!" Bast said brightly. "Now, let's have a picnic."
-Bast and Carter, Red Pyramid, pg241
"Hey, moose!” I screamed.
The Set animal locked its glowing eyes on me.
Well done! Horus said. Now we’ll both die with honor!
Shut up, I thought.'
-Carter and Horus, Red Pyramid, pg269
"Well," I said. "If you need me, I'll be outside, playing with sharp objects."
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg373 (X3)
"Die, enemies of Ra!" Sekhemet yelled. "Perish in agony!"
"She's almost as annoying as you," I told Horus.
"Impossible," Horus said. "No one bests Horus."
-Carter, Sekhemet, and Horus, Red Pyramid, pg417
'She blinked. "Hmm? Oh, don't care. What did Anubis look like to you?"
"What did... he looked like a guy. So?"
"A good-looking guy, or a slobbering dog-headed guy?"
"I guess . . . Not the dog-headed guy."
"I knew it!" Sadie pointed at me as if she'd won an argument.
"Good-looking. I knew it!"
And with a ridiculous grin, she spun around and skipped into the house.
My sister, as I may have mentioned, is a little strange.'
-Carter and Sadie Kane, Red Pyramid, pg508
"I looked across the river to Manhattan. It was a great view. When Sadie and I had first arrived at Brooklyn House, Amos had told us that magicians tried to stay out of Manhattan. He said Manhattan had other problems- whatever that meant. And sometimes when I looked across the water, I could swear I was seeing things. Sadie laughed about it, but once I thought I was seeing a flying horse."
-Carter, Throne of Fire, pg91 (8D)
'"Go," Anubis said. "I'm sorry I can't do more. But happy birthday, Sadie."
He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. . . . . .
And if I was humming "Happy Birthday" and smiling stupidly as I fled for my life-well, that was nobody's business, was it?'
-Sadie, Throne of Fire, pg113
'"Would you like a treat?" Apophis asked. "We used to play so nicely together. Every night, trying to kill each other. Don't you remember?"
Ra poked his bald head above the throne. "Treat?"
"How about a stuffed date?" Apohpis pulled on out of the air. "You used to love stuffed dates, didn't you? All you have to do is come out and let me devour-I mean, entertain you."
"Want a cookie," Ra said.
I'm here to tell you, that comment about weasel cookies probably saved the known universe.'
-Carter, Throne of Fire, pg411
"Sweet mother of mutton, (hugs a box of meat) I've dreamed of it but I never thought I'd live to see it!"
"How is it that I have ghost powers and you're the weird kid?"
-Tucker Foley and Danny Phantom, 'Mystery Meat', Danny Phantom
Danny: "Aw, man! If only I had something I could take this out on!"
Box Ghost: (to a box full of paper) I am The Box Ghost! And once I empty you of your useless papers, your marvelous squareness shall be mine!
Danny: (transforms to ghost mode) Hello, misplaced aggression!
Tucker: You've got five minutes . . .
Danny: Which is four more than I need.
-'One of a Kind', Danny Phantom
"Dude, you are one seriously crazed up froot loop."
-Danny Fenton, 'Bitter Reunions', Danny Phantom
Danny: Sam, hide!
Sam: No time! (tackles Danny into the bushes)
Valerie: (arrives at where Danny was) No escaping me now, ghost boy! (sees Danny and Sam kissing)
Danny, Sam: Aaah!
Sam: Do you mind?!
Valerie: Ah, gross, loser love! I always knew you two geeks would end up together. (Valerie flies off)
Sam: That sounded like Valerie. (Looks at Danny, who's smiling like a lovesick idiot) Danny? Danny? You didn't think it was a real kiss, did you?
Danny: (Nervously) No! Why, did you?
(cuts to school)
Tucker: Wait . . . you guys kissed?
Danny, Sam: No! It was a fake-out make-out!!
Tucker: But that still has the words "make" and "out" in it, right?
-'Shades of Grey', Danny Phantom
"I don't get it. This Ember McLain comes out of nowhere, and suddenly she's the biggest thing since MP3s. It's so . . . so-"
"Infuriating how mindless prepackaged corporate bubblegum is preventing true musical artists from being heard?"
"I was going to say weird, but uh, okay!"
-Danny Fenton and Sam Manson, 'Fanning the Flames', Danny Phantom
"You do realize she's an evil mind-controlling spirit from another dimension?"
"Yeah, but you said the same thing about Paulina."
"You know, he has a point."
-Sam, Tucker Foley, and Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames'
"Wow. I just never realized; you're really pretty when you're about to fall off a building." . . . .
"Danny, stop! Don't come any closer!"
"But . . . you're over there, and I'm over here. I wanna be over there!"
"Wait . . . I know that look. That's the same longing puppy dog look you give Paulina!"
"Who's Paulina? . . ."
"That's a pleasant side effect."
-Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames'
"Sam . . . Sam . . . . Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony . . and I can understand everything we're saying."
"Danny! Open up!"
"You want me to open up? Well, okay. One time, when I was five, I really wanted a puppy, but my parents-"
"Will you knock it off!?"
-Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames' (lovesick Danny . . . hilariously cute)
"You don't really feel that way about me, and I don't really feel that way about you!"
" . . . so why are you still holding my hands?"
-Sam and Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames' (so lovesick Danny=confident and slightly smug Danny . . . interesante . . .)
"If I could just stop the crowd from chanting. Something horrible that will break the spell, like Sam kissing Dash. Or worse. (throws mic to Tucker) Tucker, sing! Take the mic and sing!"
"Wait, you want me to sing? But you said I stink!"
"Heh, I was just kidding! You rock! You rock out loud!"
"You got that right!"
-Danny Phantom and Tucker, 'Fanning the Flames'
"Now's the best time to say, "Gosh, Mr. Lancer, I never realized being a teacher was so difficult.""
"I'm fourteen. I don't really care."
-Mr. Lancer and Danny Fenton, 'Teacher of the Year'
"You are no match for me, for I am Technus! Master of-"
"Master of long winded introductions! Do you ever stop talking about yourself!?"
-Technus and Danny Phantom, 'Teacher of the Year'
"I don't know what's scarier; the underwear, or the fact that he carries them in his coat."
-Tucker, 'Fright Night/Knight'
(in Tucker's body) "Hi! I'm Tucker! Don't let the PDA and the glasses and lack of muscles fool you, I'm a stud." (comes out)
"I hate when you do that."
-Danny Phantom and Tucker, 'Maternal Instincts'
"Bye Vlad! And as a lonely single man in your 40s', might I suggest internet dating? Or a cat!"
-Danny Fenton, 'Maternal Instincts'
"Great. At midnight, I get my powers back, at 12:01, the belt zaps me, and at 12:02, Vlad tries to make out with my mom. Those are going to be the worst two minutes of my life."
-Danny, 'Maternal Instincts'
"Maddie! Daniel! You've returned to me! Ooh, and not a moment too soon."
"Danny, go somewhere else while the adults talk."
"Oh, sure, Mom. You and Vlad get cozy. If you need me, I'll be over there . . . barfing."
-Vlad Masters, Maddie Fenton (Danny's mom), and Danny Fenton, 'Maternal Instincts'
"But how do I get through the thick head of a 14 year old boy!? . . . oh darn it." (cuts to next scene where she's wearing make up and a ridiculously HIDEOUS girly outfit)
-Sam, 'Memory Blank'
"So, this is a photo I have of us from eighth grade. This is the same photo you have in your locker. Notice anything?"
"Yeah. You broke into my locker and doctored an old photo of me. You must really like me. . . . Or you're nuts. You're not nuts, are you?"
-Sam and Danny Fenton, 'Memory Blank'
"That might just be the coolest girl on the planet."
"Or she's nuts. Really, really nuts."
-Danny and Tucker, 'Memory Blank'
"Phew, what is that smell?"
"This? It's my new all-over body spray. I made it myself. I call it "Foley by Tucker Foley". It combines with your natural odor to create a sweet manly scent, that smells different to everyone who sniffs it."
"Tuck, you smell like a sweaty cookie."
-Danny Fenton and Tucker, 'Doctor's Disorders'
"Fenton, you're in here too? (starts multiplying) Four. Six. Eight. Who do we appreciate? Us! Us! . . . Ahh! Run for our lives!"
"Are you kidding? I have been trying to do that trick for months, that is so wrong!"
-Kwan and Danny Fenton, 'Doctor's Disorders'
"You'd scream too if you were stuck in a sleepover with HER." (points to Paulina)
"Yeah, uh . . . I kinda doubt that."
-Sam and Danny Phantom, 'Doctor's Disorders'
"You're Penelope Spectra's assistant, Bertrand! (pauses . . . facepalms) Bert Rand, Bertrand, how did I miss that?"
-Danny Phantom, 'Doctor's Disorders'
(from outside the hospital) "Spooky hospital. Ghosts guarding the joint. Still, no sign that Danny's in any real danger yet."
(from inside the hospital) "Let me go!"
"Still, technically not a cry for help."
"Well, not a cry for me."
-Tucker and Danny, 'Doctor's Disorders'
(Spectra just turned into a snot monster)
"There's a "you blew it" pun somewhere, but, I'd rather not."
-Danny Phantom, 'Doctor's Disorders'
(snot monster Spectra is punched by Danny and Danny's arm gets covered in snot)
"You know, if my life wasn't at stake, I would hurl right now."
"Okay, that's it. Let's boogie!"
"See, that's the kinda pun I was avoiding with the whole "blew it" comment."
-Danny Phantom and Spectra, 'Doctor's Orders'
"Not getting invited to a party is one thing, but not getting invited to a party, AT MY OWN HOUSE!"
-Danny Fenton, 'Pirate Radio'
"Listen up, people. If you want your parents back, you're going to have to follow my lead."
"Why should we follow you, Fen-toad?"
"You're right, Dash. Let's follow the other kid who comes from a family of ghost hunters and knows how to work all their gear."
-Danny Fenton and Dash Baxter, 'Pirate Radio'
"Dash, you're with me on offense. We're gonna spring the adults from the pirate ship."
"So, I get to hit some people?"
"Oh, yeah! (Dash grabs Danny's shirt) Not me!"
(Lets go of Danny's shirt) "Sorry, old habits."
-Danny Fenton and Dash, 'Pirate Radio'
"Now if I were my dad, where would I put the secret control panel for the Op-Center? Someplace where I would see every time I come here." (you could practically hear the ding from his idea)
(opens the refrigerator and presses the button) "Yep, next to the ham!"
Computer: Defense system activated. Also, the ham has spoiled.
-Danny Fenton, 'Pirate Radio'
Maddie: And while the Ecto-Skeleton can enhance your natural ability 100 fold, using it could be fatal.
Jack: Which is exactly why I'll be using it. Because if the suit's killing anybody, it's gonna be me.
Maddie: (knocks out Jack) You're already weak from the first time you used the suit. I'll be going in.
Jazz: (knocks out Maddie) Forget it, Mom. Danny needs both of you. I'm doing this.
Sam's Dad: (knocks out Jazz) I'll do it!"
Sam's Mom: (knocks out Sam's Dad) I'll do it!
Some woman: (knocks out Sam's Mom) I'll do it!
(everyone continues knocking each other out)
Danny Phantom: I thought I was gonna have to blast everybody with the ghost ray, but . . this is much more efficient.
-'Reign of Terror'
"I call fun Danny!" (runs out with fun Danny)
"Say, you wear an awful lot of black for a superhero sidekick. Have you considered switching to bright primary colors!?"
"Tucker, wait up!"
-Tucker, "Superhero Danny Phantom", and Sam, 'Identity Crisis'
"Dueling doppelgangers, have you lost your half of our mind!?"
"Dude, I'm not the one wearing a bed sheet."
-"Super Danny" and "Fun Danny", 'Identity Crisis'
"Curse this infernal messy room. This looks like a job for . . . the vacuum cleaner!"
-Super Danny Fenton, 'Identity Crisis'
Super Danny Phantom: We have to stop him!
Fun Danny Phantom: Tried it! Didn't work. Back to bowling.
Tucker: It'll be fun?
Sam: You'll get to hit stuff?
Fun Danny Phantom: Sweet.
"Danny, you okay? You look a little-"
"Crazy? Don't say crazy!"
"I was going to say, you look a little like you've been on a big spinning table. Why? Do you think you're crazy?"
-Danny Fenton and Sam, 'Fenton Menace'
Jazz: This toxic home environment is making him a nervous wreck! (Danny's eye twitches) He needs a normal family outing; one that has nothing to do with ghosts!
Danny: Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here? Ow! (To "invisible ghost") And will you stop poking me?!
Maddie: I don't know, Jazz, honey! Sure, Danny seems a little high-strung but I'm sure it's nothing we cant work out here.
Danny: (Youngblood pokes him again) Back off, punk! (Grabs an ecto-gun and starts shooting up the lab with it forcing Maddie, Jazz, and Jack to take cover behind some boxes)
Maddie: I'll pack the sleeping bags.
Jack: And I'll get the ghost hunting equipment! (Jazz and Maddie glare at Jack) And by ghost hunting equipment, I mean . . . uh the—the other sleeping bags!
Jazz: Danny, I don't know why you're mad at me. I'm not the one who trashed the lab blasting imaginary ghosts.
Danny: It was one ghost! And a parrot . . .
Jazz: Was it a ghost and a parrot? Or a projection of your own fears . . . and a parrot.
"You have now stooped to my level. Thank you for shopping at FentonMart."
-Danny Fenton, 'Fenton Menace'
"More importantly, what's with you?"
"I am Box Lunch! Daughter of the Box Ghost and the Lunch Lady!"
-Danny Phantom and Box Lunch, 'Ultimate Enemy'
Tucker: Danny, who was that ghost you were fighting?
Danny: That was Box Lunch, the daughter of The Box Ghost and The Lunch Lady.
Sam, Tucker: Yikes.
Danny: Actually, it's more of an "eww."
"My voice is changing? Great, now I'm going through evil puberty. Everywhere I turn my stupid future is smacking me in the face! (gets hit in the head by the stupidly named boooo-merang) Ow!"
-Danny Phantom, 'Ultimate Enemy'
Danny: (opens door, not seen cause of the shadows [why doesn't that happen in real life, huh??])
Jack: No, it's Santa!
Danny: (voice over) They're both sorta right.
-'The Fright Before Christmas'
"Jazz, take it easy. There's a rhythm to these things. Ghost attacks, we exchange witty banter, I kick ghost butt, then we all go home having learned a valuable lesson about honesty or . . . some such nonsense."
-Danny Fenton, 'Secret Weapons'
"That was good night's work, Danny. We caught three ghosts!"
"No. Actually, you caught one ghost, three times. All of them me!"
-Jazz and Danny Fenton, 'Secret Weapons'
"Danny, are you all right?"
"No, no. Here, let me save you the trouble." (Presses a button on the thermos, allowing himself to get sucked in)
-Jazz and Danny Phantom, 'Secret Weapons'
(in broom closet)
Tucker: You want us to say something to her?
Danny: I am perfectly capable of talking to my own sister.
Sam: Which is why you're hiding from her in a broom closet?
Danny: Am not.
Jazz: (outside door) Danny? You in there?
Danny: Hide me! (jumps into trash can)
"Are you mad, child? Picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!?"
"You upgraded to a mullet?"
-Technus and Danny Phantom, 'Flirting With Disaster'
Sam: He's pushing Danny and Valerie together! (Tucker starts laughing) If you're done, we have to tell Danny.
Tucker: Haha, you wanna tell Danny that Technus is playing matchmaker? How do you think he'll react to that?
(cuts to Danny laughing his head off at school)
Sam: Are you done yet?
Danny: No. (continues laughing) Okay, now I'm done.
-'Flirting with Disaster'
Tucker Danny? Listen . . .
Danny Not now, Tucker, I'm busy writing in your voice! Would Tucker say it like that?
Tucker But . . .
Sam A little more nerd, and a little less suave.
(in the past, sees college kids with 80s style)
Danny P: Destroy the past? And what, lose all this culture?
Random person: Totally awesome outfit dude! (thumbs up)
Danny: Oh great, I blend.
-'Masters of All Time'
"The one good thing of having scientist parents: alternate time-line—totally valid excuse."
-Danny Phantom, 'Masters of All Time' (I wish that'd be a valid excuse for me . . .)
"A prepubescent specter operating freely? Unacceptable!"
"Hey! I have totally hit puberty! (reaches in his shirt and pulls out a white hair) See that? Totally a chest hair."
-Guy in White and Danny Phantom, 'Double Cross My Heart' (Sanny fans, eat your heart out)
"I'm Danielle. Your third cousin once removed. I ran away from home. Hey, you got any food?"
-Dani Fenton (SHE'S AWESOME!!!), 'Kindred Spirit'
"I've said it before and I'll say it again: you really are one seriously crazed-up froot loop."
"A froot loop would not have been able to make his first million with a series of invisible burglaries! A frootloop would not have been able to overshadow enough millionaires to become the richest man on the planet! I. AM. NOT. A. FROOT LOOP!!!"
-Danny Fenton and Vlad Plasmius, 'Kindred Spirits'
(After Vlad reveals his plan to clone Danny) "Oh yeah, nothing loopy about that."
-Danny Fenton, 'Kindred Spirit'
Danny: What do you want, Skulker?
Skulker: My girlfriend says I'm a lousy hunter. But hanging your pelt on my wall would change her mind.
Skulker: Frightened now?
Danny: No, I can't believe you have a girlfriend.
Skulker: Now that just plain hurts . . .
-'Girls' Night Out'
"How is this possible?"
"You become invisible, pass through solid objects, and emit beams of energy from your hands, and you ask 'How is this possible'?"
Danny Phantom and Frostbite, 'Urban Jungle'
Danny: Why are there so many of your people watching us?
Frostbite: Ha! It is not every moon that my people get an opportunity to see their leader train one as legendary as you, O Great One.
Danny: You mean they're hoping I'll mess up, huh?
Frostbite: Indeed. These people live in a frozen wasteland, they take their comedy where they can get it.
"Behold! The Lunchbox of Fear!" (opens it, a "spooky thermos" comes out)
"Hey, bringing your own thermos to our battles now? You know, you could save us time by showing up already inside it."
-Box Ghost (funniest. Ghost. EVER) and Danny Fenton, 'Boxed Up Fury'
Danny, Tucker: (Start eating the sandwiches the Box Ghost threw at them)
Box Ghost: Wait . . . what are you doing?
Danny: Tasting our doom, and I have to tell ya, it's kinda dry.
Tucker: You wouldn't happen to have any spicy mustard of doom, would ya?
-'Boxed Up Fury'
"Plagues, pestilence, boy bands. Whoa, this is one evil box."
-Danny Phantom, 'Boxed Up Fury' (I agree . . . BOY BANDS??)
"That's all you do? Put people to sleep? You sure you're not a teacher?"
-Danny Phantom, 'Frightmare' (Sanny fans, have a parade!)
"I gotta get to Danny, fast. . . . Or slow, slow's good. . . . Or slower, even slower's better . . . "
-Dani Phantom, 'D-Stabilized'
"Hm, three loose photos of you and your underwear . . . Nine more, and you can have your own calender!"
-Tucker, 'Phantom Planet'
Jazz: Danny, what are you thinking?
Danny: Give me one good reason I should keep my powers.
Tucker: You're the target of hundreds of evil ghosts! Oh, wait that's bad. I'll get back to finding something that rhymes with "Phantom".
"Uh, okay, Cosmo, you like to dress up like a princess and pretend to rule the bathroom when Wanda goes shopping."
-Timmy Turner, 'Timmy's Secret Wish'
"HEY, CHUCKLES! COME AND GET ME! I'M A FAIRY! I'M A DELICIOUS FAIRY!"
-Timmy Turner, 'Timmy's Secret Wish' (LMFAO.)
"Evil babies first!"
-Anti-Poof (Foop), 'Timmy's Secret Wish'
"Poof poof poof!"
"That's the most brilliant legal argument I've ever heard!"
-Poof and a Fairy Council member, 'Timmy's Secret Wish'
'Nellie spat out the rag and rasped, "Get the Kabra chick!"
"Natalie?" Fiske exclaimed. "She's fallen completely to pieces."
"Get her!" Nellie demanded. "Anybody with eyebrows plucked like that knows how to use a tweezers!"
Reagan bounded across the room and came back with a shivering, mewling Natalie.
"I can't!" she wheezed.
Fiske poured alcohol over the girl's beautifully manicured fingers. "You must."
Still protesting, her eyes tightly shut, she took over the instrument from Phoenix. "I can't do it! You can't make me - oh!" she said in sudden surprise. "This?" And when she pulled the tweezers out of the wound, the tips were firmly grasping a flattened, blood-slimed bullet.
Nellie laughed - and promptly fainted.'
-'Cahills VS. Vespers: The Medusa Plot', pg194
Squirtle: "Go talk to it, you're like family!"
Bulbasaur: "I have no family, just call me an orphan."
Charmander: "He has a point!"
-'Island of the Giant Pokémon'
"It's hard to imagine Brock married."
"You know, we'll be married someday too."
"Yeah . . . . HUH!?"
-Ash and Misty, 'The Heartache of Brock'
"Take it from me, it's a lot easier to like someone who likes you, than to like someone who doesn't."
"But how do you know?"
*blushes* "Huh? Well that's- what I've heard."
-Misty and Brock, 'The Heartache of Brock'
"Imagine that: James has a girlfriend."
"Mmm hmm . . . HUH!?"
-Jesse and Meowth, 'The Heartache of Brock'
"Well Ash, what do you think?"
"Well, right now I wish my mom had named me Bob instead of Ash"
-Tracey and Ash, 'Pokémon Movie 2000'
Misty: "They're not mature enough to admit it, but they really like each other."
Tracey: "You know what? It's exactly the same thing with you and Ash!"
Ash and Misty: ". . . YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!"
-Wherefore Art Thou, Pokemon?
"It was Foaly's idea to mechanize the whole procedure. He had the warlocks do their thing into lithium batteries, and then set up a network of receiver dishes around the designated area. Sounds simple? Well, it wasn't. But there were definite advantages. Batteries didn't try to show off to each other."
"Yes, we get it," said Artemis. "How long will it take to weave the spell?"
No1 chewed his lip for a moment. "About as long as it takes for you two to remove your clothing."
"Hurkk," said Artemis half-choking with surprise.
"I think we all know what D'Arvit means," said No1. "But hurkk is not English. Unless you meant hark, which I suppose could be relevant. Or perhaps you were speaking Dutch, and then hurk would translate as squat." No1 paused for a wink. "Which means squat to me."
Artemis leaned close to the demon's cornet-shaped ear. "Why do we need to take our clothes off?"
"That is a very good quesion," said Holly into the other ear.' . . .
. . . 'No1 noticed both Artemis's and Holly's awkward expressions and took pity on them.
"I suppose you can keep one thing, if you must. A small garment, but make sure it's your color, because you could be wearing it for a really long time.". . . .
. . . ."Nice underwear," snickered Foaly form the screen, momentarily forgetting the gravity of the situation.
Artemis was wearing a pair of red Armani boxer shorts, which were pretty much the same color as his face."
"Understood. Don't hang around, Arty. Get up, get down, and back to the car."
Artemis was surprised Holly would call him that. It was his mother's pet name for him.
"Got it. Up, down, and back."
Artemis thought it would be nice to stay here and talk like this, but one cage over his future was escaping with his past.
-Artemis Fowl and The Time Paradox, pg134
"Why don't we look for magic stones that grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, then you could search my naked body for a mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere."
-Orion, Atlantis Complex
"I really think we should search for my birthmark."
-Guess who (look up), Atlantis Complex
"If he asks you to look for birthmarks, say no immediately."
-Foaly, Atlantis Complex
"Smite it with what?" Foaly said. "You secret birthmark?"
'I am not in pain, thought Artemis. They must have given me something.
And then: I should lighten the mood.
"Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?
"D'Arvit," said Holly. "It's the knight in shining armor."
"Hmm," said Foaly. "That's how Atlantis goes. As it prgresses, you can never predict what will set it off. I thought the cocktail of drugs would bring back Artemis, but at least Orion will tell us what Artemis is up to." He leaned in closer. "Orion, you noble youth. Do you happen to know the password for Artemis's firewall?"
"Of course I do," said Artemis. "It's D-O-N-K-E-Y space B-O-Y."
Foaly was halfway through writing this down when the penny dropped.'
"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."
-Sirius Black (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Kukai: *after everyone's done Character Transforming* Together we make . . . the Guardian 5!
Amu: *sweatdrop* Eh? What was that about!?
Kukai: I've just always wanted to say that.
-'I'll Get the Embryo!', Shugo Chara
"I am the great Michelangelo! And this is the Sistine Chapel!"
"Oh yeah? If you're so great, what did you do to the other fifteen chapels? Oh, got you there! *smirk*"
-Michelangelo (duh) and Yakko Warner, 'Animaniacs; Hooked on a Ceiling'
Yakko: Wait a minute - you expect us poor, innocent children to climb up dangerous scaffolding, and paint naked people all over a church?
Warners: WE'LL DO IT!
Yakko, while Wakko and Dot play instruments in the background: But we're not doing it for the sake of art. And we're not doing it for the sake of money. No, we're doing it because . . . we like painting naked people!
-'Hooked on a Ceiling'
"Our vacation is more than halfway over. And what have we accomplished? *looks through Ferb's log* Okay, so we built a rollercoaster, traveled through time twice, found Atlantis, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. See, we've hardly done anything. We need a real challenge. We need to make the biggest, longest, funnest Summer day of all time."
-Phineas Flynn, 'Phineas and Ferb: Summer Belongs to You!'
Candace: Phineas, I'm not gonna get on a silly little tricycle.
Phineas: But Candace, we're in a hurry, just get on the tricycle an-
Candace: There is no way I will-
Phineas: GET ON THE TRIKE!
Candace: *gets on the trike*
-'Summer Belongs to You!'
Isabella: According to the Fireside Girls manual, that lizard is a North American chameleon.
Phineas: Then we'll name him Steve.
Isabella: Oooh-kaaaayy . . . why Steve?
Phineas: Cause he looks like a Steve!
Isabella: Huh. Well, can't argue with logic like that.
-'The Lizard Whisperer'
"A giant chameleon footprint."
"Do you realize what this means? A giant chameleon came and took Steve!"
-Isabella and Phineas, 'The Lizard Whisperer'
"Wow. How did he turn into a dinosaur?"
"Actually, it's just a giant chameleon."
"But dinosaur sounds cooler."
-Phineas and Isabella, 'The Lizard Whisperer'
"Give up? Give up?! The day may come when we'll give up on fruitless searches after a mere 11 minutes, but that day is NOT today! The day may come when our favorite reptile may be lost from our memories and his enduring love of mushrooms forgotten, but that day is not today! Today we search! We will search for him in the streets, we will search for him in the trenches, we will search for him in the alleys and the mini-malls and the cul-de-sacs of this fair land. We will search for him in the multi-level car parks and municipal recreation facilities. And we few, we happy few, we small band of brothers . . . and girl from across the street. We shall not cease 'till he is found!"
-Ferb, 'The Lizard Whisperer'
Phineas: Ferb and I were just talking about the time you built a balloon and won the most famous balloon race in history! Tell us that story again?
Grandpa: Well, I went out to the barn, I built a balloon, and I won the most famous balloon race in history.
Ferb: He makes history come alive.
-'The Last Train to Bustville'
Phineas: You know what, Ferb? This is gonna be the most interesting thing we've ever built.
Ferb: And the tallest.
Phineas: Yes, and the tallest.
Ferb: And the heaviest.
Phineas: Wow, we're chatty today, aren't we?
Well, you were right, Ferb. The most interesting thing we ever built was very tall and very heavy, and the guy from the museum was very appreciative."
I still can't believe it fit in his truck."
-Phineas and Ferb, 'Candace Disconnection'
"Well it took almost 40 years to perfect the technology that makes the modern cellphone possible . . . sooo . . . give us 38 minutes!"
-Phineas, 'Candace Disconnected'
"You don't even need to say it."
-Phineas and Ferb Fletcher, 'We call it Maze'
"Phineas, I know what we're gonna do today."
"Yes, yes you do."
-Ferb and Phineas, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, Meet Max Modem!'
Phineas: Road and mud aren't exactly all terrains. Somebody ought to build a vehicle that actually goes over all terrains.
Ferb: Two, Three, Four . . .
Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!
Ferb: Five, Six, Seven.
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?
-'The Secret of Success'
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. You missed Candace's party.
Ferb: Totally, a platypus would have put it over the edge.
-'Candace gets busted'
"Does anyone else want to be king of the world?"
Eh, keep it, Bro. It suits you."
-Ferb and Phineas, 'Magic Carpet Ride'
Young Candace: What would you even name a platypus?
Phineas: Course, Ferb and I knew exactly what to call you.
Young Phineas and Ferb: Bartholomew.
Phineas: And then when we got home, we renamed you Perry . . . and gave you this locket.
-'Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension'
"Did he really slip away? On his anniversary? Sometimes, it feels as if he's missed every cool thing we've done all summer."
Later . . .
*looks at all of his and Ferb's inventions remake themselves in Perry's base* "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today."
-Phineas, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry?
Phineas: Yeah, he's our pet platypus.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Is every platypus named Perry?
Phineas: In a perfect world, yes.
-'Across the 2nd Dimension'
Ferb: Well he did pee on the couch.
Dr. Doofensmirtz: Wait a second, I just realized something; that was a conscious choice, you peed on my couch!
-'Across the 2nd Dimension'
"I'm- I'm sorry, I'm just having trouble processing this right now. *Perry hands him a pamphlet*'So you've discovered your pet is a secret agent' - *throws pamphlet away* I don't want your pamphlet!"
-Phineas, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
"Oh, snap. *parachute falls on him and Ferb* Look! There's a logo on this parachute! He's got his own logo!?"
-Phineas, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
"Anyone else here living a bizarre double life? - put your hand down, Ferb."
-Phineas, 'Across the 2nd Dimension
"Looks like we're going to have to get some help. I know! Let's go find us!"
-Phineas, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
"Wait! I just realized! You could've been cleaning your own litterbox this whole time! *Perry shrugs* Oh, we are not done having this conversation!"
-Phineas, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
The entire song of Summer (Where do we begin?)
-Phineas, Ferb Fletcher, and some unknown music and vocal source, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
"Perry! . . . . we . . . we, um, well . . . w-we came to rescue you. *stares at Norm-bots surrounding them* So far it's not going as well as we hoped."
-Phineas, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
Phineas (2nd Dimension): *looks at Phineas and Ferb blasting Norm-bots with one of their arms* Can we do that?
Candace (2nd Dimension): No, keep your head down.
-'Across the 2nd Dimension'
"Whoa. Deja vu-ish."
-Ferb, 'Across the 2nd Dimension'
"So you played soccer all around the world, traveled to tons of countries, dined with dignitaries, and married a rockstar! What's your favorite cupcake flavor?"
-Phineas, 'Take two with Phineas and Ferb: David Beckham'
"Was I just a giant floating baby?"
-Ferb, 'Take two with Phineas and Ferb: Neil Patrick Harris'
"Man, you weight a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?"
"Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked.
-Max and Fang, the Angel Experiment, pg217-218
"Max?" Iggy knocked on the door. "Can I come in? I have to brush my teeth."
"No-- I'm in a towel." I called back.
"I'm blind." he said impatiently.
"No! You're kidding! Are you sure?"
-Max and Iggy, School's Out Forever, pg87
"I look like prep school Barbie." Nudge complained, as she entered the kitchen. She caught sight of me in my uniform and looked mollified. "Actually, you look like prep school Barbie, I'm just Barbie's friend."
-Nudge, School's out Forever, pg119
"There is one bright side to this," said Fang.
"Yeah? What's that? The new and improved Erasers would mutilate us before they killed us?"
He grinned at me so unexpectedly I forgot to flap for a second and dropped several feet. "You looove me," he crooned smugly. Holding his arms out wide, he added, "You love me this much."
My shriek of appalled rage could probably be heard in California, or maybe Hawaii.'
-Max and Fang, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg103
"Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?" ter Borcht snapped, which his assistant waited, pen in hand.
Gazzy thought. "I have X-ray vision," he said. He peered at ter Borcht's chest, then blinked and looked alarmed.
Ter Borcht was startled for a second, but then he frowned. "Don't write dat down," he told his assistant in irritation. The assistant froze in midsentence. "You. Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?"
Nudge chewed on a fingernail. "You mean, like, besides the WINGS?" She shook her shoulders gently, and her beautiful fawn-colored wings unfolded a bit.
His face flushed, and I felt like cheering. "Yes," he said stiffly. "Besides de vings."
"Hmm. Besides de vings." Nudge tapped one finger against her chin. "Um..." Her face brightened. "I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"
"Hardly a special talent," ter Borcht said witheringly.
Nudge was offended. "Yeah? Let's see YOU do it."
"I vill now eat nine Snickers bars," Gazzy said in a perfect, creepy imitation of ter Borcht's voice, "visout bahfing." "Does anysing on you vork properly?"
Iggy rubbed his forehead with one hand. "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony."
Ter Borcht tsked. "You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold on to someone's shirt, yes? Following dem closely?"
"Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert," Iggy said truthfully.
"Write that down." I told the assistant. "He's a notorious dessert stealer." "Vhy did you let a girl be de leader?" ter Borcht asked, a calculating look in his eyes.
"She's the tough one." Fang said.
Darn right, I thought proudly.
"Is dere anysing special about you?" ter Borcht asked. "Anysing vorth saving?"
Fang pretended to think, gazing up at the ceiling. "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.""I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!" Gazzy barked.'
-Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg137-139
"Iggy: "Now what? Who you gonna call?"
A quiet voice in the hallway outside: "Ghostbusters!"
(Captain Perry and John groan)
John: "That phrase is ruined forever,"
-MAX: a maximum ride novel, pg274
"Megara. My friends call me Meg, at least they would if I had any friends."
"Excuse me? Excu- are you lookin to me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of the sudden, you're walkin out on me? I don't think so, not right now, you're getting your wishes, so SIDDOWN!!!!!!!"
Genie: "Rika racka ricka ricka rake! Stick a sword into that snake!"
Jafar as a snake: "You sssstay out of this!"
Genie: "*monotone* Jafar, Jafar, he's our man, if he can't do it, GREAT!!!"
"Your son is awake."
"Before sunrise, he's your son."
-Sarabi and Mufasa (Simba's parents), 'The Lion King'
Simba: Hakuna Matata?
Pumbaa: Yeah! It's our motto!
Simba: What's a motto?
Timon: Nothing, what's a motto with you? AHAHAHAHAHA!!
-'The Lion King'
"You know her. She knows you. She wants to eat him. AND EVERYONE'S OKAY WITH THIS?? AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?"
-Timon, 'The Lion King'
Timon: This stinks.
Pumbaa: Oh. Sorry.
Timon: Not you, them! Him! Her! Alooone.
Pumbaa: What's wrong with that?
Timon: *in song* I can see what's happening.
Timon: And they don't have a clue!
Timon: They'll fall in love, and here's the bottom line
Our trio's down to two!
Timon: Ze sweet caress of twilight
There's magic everywhere!
And with all this romantic atmosphere . . .
Disaster's in the air! . . . .
And if he falls in love tonight . . .
Timon: It can be assumed . . .
Pumbaa: His carefree days with us are history . . .
Both: In short our pal is doomed . . . *very loud sobbing*
-'The Lion King'
Timon: So, what's your plan for getting past those guys?
Simba: Live bait.
Timon: Good idea. Hey!
Simba: Come on, Timon, you guys have to create a diversion!
Timon: Whaddyou want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula!?
*scene cut to Timon in a hula outfit (minus the coconuts) and Pumbaa on a platter*
Timon: LUAU! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat
Eat my buddy Pumbaa here because he is a treat
Come on down and dine
On this tasty swine
All you have to do is get in line!
Aaaare you achin'?
Pumbaa: Yup yup yup.
Timon: Foooor some bacon?
Pumbaa: Yup yup yup.
Timon: Heeee's a big pig
Pumbaa: Yup yup.
Timon: You could be a big pig too! Oi!
-The Lion King (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA0Zo00UjDs)
"My son, on sentry duty! Timon, the sentry!"
"TIMON THE SENTRY?! Why don't you save the hyena the trouble and kill me now, JUST KILL ME NOW!!"
"You know, he has a point."
-Timon's mom, Uncle Max, and Timon, 'The Lion King 1 1/2'
Pumbaa: You know, first impressions are everything.
Timon: Oh, I thought you were a scream.
Timon: Just eat me now! Please make it fast, I have a low threshold for pain!
Pumbaa: Easy little guy, I'm not gonna eat you!
Timon: You're not? THEN WHY WERE YOU STALKING ME????
-The Lion King 1 1/2
"And to protect me, a great big fat guy!"
"You really think I look fat?"
"*sigh* Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa, you're a pig! It's a compliment!"
"Oh ho ho! Thank you!"
-Timon and Pumbaa, 'The Lion King 1 1/2'
Simba: What's the matter, pops? Had a little too much Hakuna Matata?
Timon: Sonny boy, I invented Hakuna Matata.
Simba: Oh yeah? Well, _I_ perfected it.
Timon: Sure you did, sure you did! Pumbaa, who holds the record for the world's longest bug belch?
Pumbaa: Uh, that would be Simba.
Timon: Alrighty then, who's the champion at slug swallowing?
Pumbaa: Simba again.
Timon: Cricket crunching?
Timon: Grub gulping?
Timon: Maggot munching?
Timon: Snail slurping??
Pumbaa: Uh . . . we never had a snail slurping contest before.
-The Lion King 1 1/2
Pumbaa: Are you talkin' to me?
Timon: Uh oh, they called him a pig-
Pumbaa: Are you talkin' to me?
Timon: Shouldn't have done that-
Pumbaa: ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME??
Timon: Now they're in for it!-
Pumbaa: THEY CALL ME . . . MR. PIG! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-'The Lion King 1 1/2'
"Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena, would you do me the honor of becoming . . . my bride?"
-Timon, 'The Lion King 1 1/2'
"Simba, who does she remind you of?"
"Huh? What? Who?"
"She's just like you when you were young."
"Exactly! Do you realize the dangers we put ourselves in?"
"You mean the dangers you put us in."
-Nala and Simba, 'The Lion King 2'
"That's not a king! That's a fuzzy maraca!"
-Timon, 'The Lion King 2'
"Don't worry Simba, we're on her like stink on a warthog!"
"It's the hard truth Pumbaa, live with it."
-Timon and Pumbaa, 'The Lion King 2'
"Why are we doing this? What's the point of this 'training'?"
"Training? This is just for fun!"
". . . fun?"
-Kovu and Kiara, 'The Lion King 2'
"It's over, Simba! I have dreamed of nothing else, for years!"
"Boy, she needs a hobby."
-Zira and Timon, 'The Lion King 2'
"I'm sorry I bit you . . . and pulled your hair . . . and punched you in the face . . ."
-Lilo, 'Lilo & Stitch'
Jumba: His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities, where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe.
Later . . .
Lilo: It's nice to live on an island with no large cities.
Stitch: *jolts, then starts spazzing out and convulsing*
-'Lilo & Stitch'
"Don't worry. She likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read her diary."
"She thinks it's fancy?"
-Lilo and David, 'Lilo & Stitch'
"Ohana means 'family.' Family means 'no one gets left behind . . . or forgotten.'"
-Lilo, 'Lilo & Stitch'
"626 was designed to be a monster, but now he has nothing to destroy. You see, I never gave him a greater purpose. What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to look back on in the middle of the night?"
-Jumba, 'Lilo & Stitch'
Stitch: *looks at picture of Lilo, Nani, and their parents*
Lilo: That's us, before . . . It was raining, and they went for a drive.
Stitch: *looks sadly at Lilo, then the picture*
Lilo: What happened to yours? (*Stitch looks surprised*) I hear you cry at night. Do you dream of them?
-'Lilo & Stitch'
Stitch: *about to run away*
Lilo: "Ohana" means "family." "Family" means "no one gets left behind." But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. *looks at picture of family* I remember everyone that leaves."
-'Lilo & Stitch'
Jumba: Come on, what's the big deal?
Stitch: Oongatish mista! [Possibly alien for, "You're gonna pull me apart!"]
Jumba: I'll put you back together again . . . I'll make you taller, and not so fluffy!
Stitch: I like fluffy! *few seconds later* Ah, pooama chicky!
Jumba: Ach! Leave my mother out of this!
-'Lilo & Stitch'
"Blue punch buggy! *wacks with actual blue buggy* No punch back!"
-Stitch, 'Lilo & Stitch'
"Oh good! My dog found the chainsaw."
-Lilo, 'Lilo & Stitch'
while tossing a soon-to-be-exploding gun back and forth*
Stitch: Merry Christmas.
Jumba: It's not Christmas.
Stitch: Happy Hanukkah!
Jumba: It's not Hanukkah!
Pleakley: *picks Lilo up and runs away from house*
Lilo: We're leaving Stitch?
Pleakley: Trust me, this is not gonna end well!
Jumba: One potato!
Stitch: Two potato!
Jumba: Three potato!
Jumba: Five potato!
Stitch: Six potato!
Jumba: Seven potato more!
Stitch: . . . best.
Jumba: Ha! I win!
-'Lilo & Stitch'
Jumba: WHAT?? After all you put me through, you expect me to help you, just like that? Just like THAT???
Stitch: Ih [probably alien for, "Yes."]
Jumba: . . fine!
Pleakley: "Fine"??? You're doing what he says!?
Jumba: He's very persuasive!
-'Lilo & Stitch'
Gantu: Ah! You're vile, you're foul, you're flawed!
Stitch: Am also cute, and fluffy!
-Lilo & Stitch
"You came back."
"Nobody gets left behind."
-Lilo and Stitch, 'Lilo & Stitch'
Grand Council Woman (GCW): If it wasn't for your experiment 626, none of this woul-
GCW: . . . what?
Stitch: My name Stitch.
GCW: Stitch then. If it wasn't for Stitch, ah . . .
Stitch: Does Stitch have to go in the ship?
GCW: *slowly* Yes . . . .
Stitch: Can Stitch say goodbye?
GCW: . . . *slowly* yes.
Stitch: *walks to Lilo and Nani, then pauses* Thank you. *continues walking*
GCW: . . . who are you?
Stitch: This, is, my, fam-i-ly. I found it, all, on, my own. It's little . . . and broken . . . but still good. Yeah . . . still good. *walks back to ship*
Pleakley: . . . does he really have to go?
-'Lilo & Stitch'
Jumba: *looks into Stitch's containment chamber* Oh, can it be? Have I done it?
Stitch: *uncurls from ball and looks around* Ooh . . .
Jumba: So cute . . . so fluffy, even . . . *stares as Stitch sniffs around* Where did I go wrong!?
Stitch: *growls, then attacks glass, jumping wildly and looking . . . less cute*
Jumba: Hahaha, what a relief.
-'Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch'
"And no crop circles!"
"Aww, all the other aliens get to make them!"
-Nani and Jumba, 'Stitch has a Glitch'
Lilo: This is the exact bench that Elvis sat on in Blue Hawaii.
Stitch: *sniffs bench* Oh, yeah. That's him.
*sits on bench*
Lilo: I can't believe it. My butt is in the shadow of the butt of Elvis Presley.
-'Stitch has a Glitch'
Lilo: *finger few inches/centimeters away from Stitch*
Stitch: You're touching me!
Lilo: I'm not touching you.
Stitch: AAGH! YOU'RE TOUCHING ME!
-'Stitch has a Glitch'
"Stitch not bad . . . Stitch . . fluffy!"
-Stitch, 'Stitch has a Glitch'
Stitch: *starts shooting Gantu's ship while steering his ship with his feet* HEE HEE HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE!!!
Lilo: You had coffee today, didn't you?
Stitch: Coconut cake, and coffee!
-'Stitch! The Movie'
"Ooh. Cousin lost. . . Jumba . . lost."
"You have a lot of lost issues."
"Ih. Oooh . . . *headdesk*"
-Stitch and Lilo, 'Stitch! The Movie'
Mertle: You and your mutant dog are total freaks!
Her cronies: Yeeeeaaaaaaah!
Lilo: . . . you can spit acid on her if you want.
Stitch: *starts hissing and gargling spit*
Other girls: *scream and run away*
-'Stitch! The Movie'
Lilo: Don't let Nani hear us. It's so past my bedtime.
Nani: *turns on light* Lilo! It is so past your bedtime!
Lilo and Stitch: . . . AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
-'Stitch! The Movie'
"We catch bad guy. You're welcome!"
-Stitch, 'Stitch! The Movie'
"I'm okay. I'm fluffy!"
-Stitch, various episodes/moments
"Either an evil fist wielding maniac is going around smashing planetarium displays, or a giant asteroid is heading towards Earth to destroy us all!"
-Lilo, 'The Asteroid'
"Warning: Giant asteroid hurtling towards Earth. You are all doomed. And you got two more emails!"
-Jumba's computer, 'The Asteroid'
"Hello. We come in peace to blow up your home."
-Jumba, 'The Asteroid'
"I didn't know orchids had butts!"
"Ooh, yippie kiyay!"
-Lilo and Stitch, 'Sprout'
"I am not bald! I have three beautiful, luxurious hairs!"
*Stitch starts laughing uncontrollably*
"You saved us from a buzz cut! . . . oh, sorry about your butt, though."
"Huh??? *turns around to see hairless butt and ridiculous tail nub* ACCA TABA!?"
-Lilo and Stitch, 'Clip'
"JUMBA! Can I play with the chainsaw?"
"Of course! But try not to lose finger, it's messy."
-Lilo and Jumba, 'Fibber'
"Word of advice, before you go out looking for a new job, put on some pants."
-Reuben/625, 'Bad Stitch'
Lilo: Can we cure the lovesickness?
Jumba: Of course! What kind of an evil genius would I be, not to build an antidote? *types some stuff* Let's see . . .
Computer: Meega nala kweesta! [Alien for a, probably, very dirty word. XD]
Jumba: Ach! *shakes computer* Ahem. Computer has contracted dreaded "nala kweesta" virus. Someone has been surfing on intergalactic net again.
Stitch: *walks away slowly* La la la, *whistles "innocently"*
Stitch: Stitch special!
Jumba: Yes, 626, as we all know, you are smart (*Stitch dresses in graduate's uniform, diploma, robe, book, and hat*), funny (*clown/ jester hat with weird staff*), cute (*sits down innocently with big, ADORABLE eyes*), and as we know (*puffs up with way too much hair and looks SO FREAKING CUTE AND FUNNY!!!*), fluffy-"
"Careful, Stitch. You'll lose your girlish figure."
"Elemental evil genius experiments about to join in epic battle, and I forgot camera."
"The Death Lords say you can work with that old windbag in the monkey suit."
"Yes. And to make it more entertaining for their Lordships to watch, you can also take his nagging mother . . ."
"And that girl you like who's out of your league."
"Lola? How do you know she's-?" began Max, then he stopped himself. Secretly, he thought she was out of his league, too. He wasn't going to justify his love life (or lack of one) to the Death Lords.
The good news was that he'd get to see her and the monkeys very soon.
The bad news was that they were all doomed.
-The End of the World Club, pg53
'Tzelek stared at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief.
Max and Lola stared at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief.
Ah Pukuh broke off from his tantrum to stare at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief.'
-The End of the World Club, pg297
'He studied Lola's face. Did he detect a hint of jealousy?
Not a trace.'
-The End of the World Club, pg302
'"I'm not strange," said Lola.
At that moment the monkeys woke up and, instinctively, she called over to the car to reassure them, a rough raspy coughing sound she made through her cupped hands.
"No, not strange at all," said Max. "I bet lots of people arrive at this hotel with howler monkeys in two, wearing a bloodstained wedding dress and a necklet of mystical ancient stones."
Lola looked down at herself. "For once, you may have a point."
She ripped at her long skirt until she'd transformed it into a minidress. Then she struck a pose like a model on a catwalk. "What do you think?"
"Um . . . Wilma Flintstone meets Lady Gaga? Nice jewelry, though."'
-The End of the World Club, pg308-309
"Okay," said Lola, looking at something over Max's shoulder. "I'll go alone. But I hope the police get here before the hellhounds."
'"What do you-?" began Max, but before he could finish the question, he heard a familiar frenzied snarling.
"If I turn around now," he said, "will I see a pack of angry hellhounds thundering towards me, eyes crazed with bloodlust, fangs bared, foaming at the mouth and dripping acid saliva in anticipation of eating me?"
"So how do we launch this thing?"
-The End of the World Club, pg 328
'He remembered that people who came close to dying talked in magazines about walking to the light.
He realized that this was the end.
He looked toward Lola for one last farewell.
She winked at him.
Then, as if in slow motion, she reached into the bottom of the boat, picked up the octopus, and threw it straight at him.
Wait, not at him-at Tzelek.
-The End of the World Club, pg 331
"That's the Dark Rift in the Milky Way. Otherwise known as the Road to Xibalba."
"Otherwise known as . . . we're sinking." . . .
"Do you remember what Ah Pukuh said about taking the road and entering the water?"
"And Lord 6-Dog said it meant I was going to die?"
"Well, we took the road, the pilgram road to Finisterre. And any minute now, I think we're going to enter the water."
-'Lola' and Max, The End of the World Club, pg334
'"Do you think we're supposed to knock?" asked Max.
"I think they're expecting us, don't you?"
Max took a deep breath. "Into the mouth of hell it is, then-"
"Wait!" said Lola. She took down a torch and passed it to Max. "Hold this," she said. Then she picked up a boulder and hurled it with both hands over the bottom teeth and into the mouth.
The second the boulder hit the ground, a large earthenware pot came crashing down from the cave roof, spilling out its contents as it fell. Soon the boulder was completely buried under a hill of rotting entrails, maggots, blood, vomit, and yellow pus.
Lola clamped her hands over her face.
It was quite a welcome mat and it had been intended for their heads.'
-The End of the World Club, pg338
"You're not much fun, are you?" pouted the fake Lucky Jim, before morphing into Santino Garcia, the Spanish law student. "Do you like me better now?" he asked, combing his hair with his fingers. "How do you like my eh-sexy eh-Spanish accent?"
Hermanjilio clapped his hands appreciatively. "My turn! My turn!" he said, giggling girlishly as he morphed into Nasty Smith-Jones. "Hello, Max," he said flirtatiously, batting his eyelashes, "look at my big blue eyes. I'm so much prettier than Lola. Don't forget to call me when you get back to Boston."
Lola yawned. "Is that it?" she asked.
The fake Nasty Smith-Jones finished blowing kisses at Max, and nudged the fake Santino. The two of them burst into laughter as their flesh slowly rotted away to reveal the decomposed corpses of Demon of Jaundice and Scab Stripper.
"Kiss me, Maxie!" begged Scab Stripper, in Nasty's voice. His dangling, rotting lips were covered in oozing sores.'
-The End of the World Club, pg340
"What's wrong with him?" Lola asked Lucky Jim.
He took a moment before answering, looking at Lola with such an intense expression that it was hard to tell if he was sad or happy. "You must be Ix Sak Lol. Hermanjilio talks about you sometimes. I'm sorry to tell you this, but when Tzelek took over his body, his mind was permanently damaged. He has never recovered. He just sits around all day whittling gourds. That one's his favorite."
"Go to sleep," cooed Hermanjilio to the gourd.
"He thinks it's his child," explained Lucky Jim. He calls it Lola."
-The End of the World Club, pg344 (don't worry, they're dang good actors . . . this is just funny when you learn they're alright . . . )
'Max nodded. "Lol was the most amazing girl I've ever met."
"A bit less of the was, if you don't mind, Hoop," said Lola.
She was sitting in an armchair in Uncle Ted's hallway, reading a book.
"What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you, of course."
"Are you a ghost? I mean, I'm just asking; that's fine if you are."
Lola stood up . . . [moving on . . .]
"I'll tell you everything. But first I need a hug. From all of you."
A quick embrace for Lucky Jim and a slow, sad waltz with Hermanjilio.
My turn, my turn," demanded Max impatiently.
-The End of the World Club, pg 354-355
"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?"
-'Dumbledore', 'A Very Potter Musical'
Various Phineas Flynn Quotes
"Hey Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!"
"We either need more days of summer, or more of us."
"Hey, where's Perry?"
"Greetings, movers and shakers!"
"So, Ferb, what should we do tomorrow? There's a world of possibilities. Maybe we should make a list!"
"What do I look like, a fool?" *while wearing a royal fool outfit*
"Have we learned nothing from Mary Shelly's Frankenstein?"
"Nah. I like to keep moving forward."
"Come on, Ferb. If we let a little heat stop us from having the best day ever, then the morning DJs win."
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages; may I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making! The coolest . . . coaster . . . EVER!"
"Look! They've started their own overpriced coffee franchise! . . . That's so '90s."
"Follow up single? Who do you think we are? Some two-bit hack who will keep writing new songs just because you'll pay us obscene amounts of cash!? Phineas and the Ferb-Tones are strictly a one-hit wonder! Good day to you, sir!"
"Oh my gosh, Ferb. I can't believe it! I've never noticed how soft our carpets are."
"We rotate out with the board of selectmen."
"What do you say Ferb, it'll give you a chance to work on your seaweed rap! Ya know- (Makes rapping noises)."
"Clive Addison! We're your biggest fans!"
"Bless you Perry the Platypus!"
"Wait, ooooh, Perry level"
"GET ON THE TRIKE!"
"You're a secret agent!?"
"Put your hand down Ferb"
"No, Perry, we do not bite the elderly."
And while this one doesn't exist in the canon or anything, it's still one of my faves:
Me: Aren't you a little young to have a hit number one TV movie? And TV show?
Phineas: Yes, yes I am.
Wisdom of Life - Quotable Quotes and Facts of Life
When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
There's no I in TEAM, but there's a U in SUCK.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is, "What is never the answer?" Then the answer would be violence. But if violence is never the answer, then it can't be the answer. But then . . .
Violence is never the answer. It's the question.
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Forgiveness is the cleansing fire that burns away old regrets and resentments.
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass . . . It's about learning how to dance in the rain.
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Dear Math, Why should I solve your problems? Get a therapist!
Sarcasm is my body’s natural defense against stupidity.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
All men are equal before fish.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Be obscure clearly.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.
Can we actually "know" the universe? My gods, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
"More fun than a barrel of monkeys." Has anyone ever stopped to think how cranky, if not downright vicious, a barrelful of monkeys would be, especially once released from the barrel?
The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
What does Christmas mean if we can't encourage small children to sit on a stranger's lap?
Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion.
Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.
Keep your words sweet. You may have to eat them.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
There's no such thing as fun for the whole family.
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
A line is a dot that went for a walk
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
(Immature Alert) Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.
Just because nobody complains, doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me, however, is another matter.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
My computer may have beaten me at chess, but it was no match for KARATE!!
Home is where the couch is.
When you're weird, you're normal. If you're normal, then you're weird.
Have fun, laugh at things that aren't funny, and make a HUGE loser out of yourself in public.
Don't take life so seriously. No one gets out alive.
Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!
Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Don't hit kids. . . . . no seriously, they got guns now.
Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity . . . not so sure about the universe.
I'm rad, you're rad . . . but if you hug me, I will slap you silly.
People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.
Pictures fade away but memories are FOREVER! . . . unless you're an amnesiac.
Take candy, not drugs.
Friendship is like peeing your pant; everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.
Hold your head high gorgeous, there are people that would kill to see you fall.
Don't like my attitude? Call 1-800-KISS-MY-ARSE
If you're gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.
Welcome to the internet, pants optional.
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies?
Come to the light side. We have ICE CREAM!
Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic . . . enough said.
Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,
calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,
calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,
calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,
calling me POOR won't make you RICH,
calling me FAT wont make you THIN,
calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,
so . . . why bother?"
If nothing is going right . . . go left.
"Let's eat grandma" or "Let's eat, grandma." Punctuation saves lives.
Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
I did what they say and chose the road less traveled . . . Now where the heck am I?
Elmo watches you from your closet.
Amateurs built The Ark. Professionals built the Titanic . . . . 'nuff said.
This is Bob. Bob likes you. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
My imaginary friend thinks you have some SERIOUS problems.
Life is like a pack of gum . . . I have yet to figure out why.
Strangers stab you in the front. Friends stab you in the back. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. But best friends only poke each other with straws :)
The quality of life is not determined by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
Attempting to give a damn . . . . . Unable to give a damn. Stopping . . . . Process failed. Damn not given.
I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply?
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.
WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.
Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. (I don't have ADD, I have SAS: short attention span)
What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?
I'm not littering . . . just donating to the Earth.
If it's worth doing, it's worth over doing.
I reject your reality and substitute it with my own.
It's funny - the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.
I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.
Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
My favorite word is sarcasm.
Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.
If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?
Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person.
Lost your pen= No pen
No pen= No notes
No notes= No study
No study= Fail
Fail= No diploma
No diploma= No work
No work= No money
No money= No food
No food= Skinny
Ugly= No love
No love= No marriage
No marriage= No children
No children= Alone
Life Lesson= Don't lose your pen. You'll die.
Men are like parking spots. The good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' (if I HAD one . . .)
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
Screw fire and save matches!!
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - fear of long words.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.
One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.
I hear your silence loud and clear.
According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.
Generally, generalizations are wrong.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
Whatever you are, be a good one.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
Belief gets in the way of learning.
If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.
We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.
If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.
Cynics are made, not born.
What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Don't underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.
Never say that! Never! Run before you walk! Fly before you crawl! Keep moving forward! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely. All or nothing!
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .
When I'm stressed, I laugh. When I'm happy, I laugh. When I'm nervous, I laugh. If I find something funny, I can't stop laughing.
If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.
Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.
Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.
People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled "Bang", I don't think you'd kill too many people.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, but Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.
Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.
They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.
The 50-50-90 rule: any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.
Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Being mature is overrated.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.
Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, but only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?
Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons . . . squirt 'em in peoples' eyes!
When life gives you lemons, laugh, cause Life forgot that you like oranges.
Be insane- well behaved people never made history.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
To the world you are just one person, but to one person, you're the world.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.
It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it?
Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .
I'm not random . . .
I just have many thou- OH, A SQUIRREL!! (OR)
you just can't think as fast as me.
I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you *!"
Rock beats paper. Always. But since we live in a world where Paper may beat rock, use Cannonball; it makes a big hole in paper.
I hate it when people say there is no such thing as normal. There IS such thing, as normal means average, what is considered to be most common. Normal. Of course, I'm not normal at all so I have no idea what I'm on about. If you want to learn how to explode things, crush things, cause things harm, or whatever random things you need, I'm your girl. If you want to know about anything that you will actually USE in life, go somewhere else.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . .
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!
He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
She Said: You wear pants don't you?
"Sir, we're surrounded!"
"Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"
"Sir, we're screwed! Half our men are down, there's no way out, the sky is practically falling as we speak-"
"Get a grip Corporal! Our weapons still work, which means we can still kick some ass!"
When you feel that nobody loves you . . .
That nobody cares for you . . .
And everyone is ignoring you . . .
And people are jealous of you . . .
You should really ask yourself . . .
Am I too sexy?
Dr. Seuss quotes!
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."
"Only you can control your future."
"ASAP. Whatever that means. It must mean, 'Act swiftly awesome pacyderm!"
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"
"I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights."
"Being crazy isn't enough."
"Things may happen and often do to people as brainy and footsy as you."
"I'm glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone."
Walt Disney quotes
"I'm not interested in pleasing the critics. I'll take my chances pleasing the audiences."
"I'd rather entertain and hope that people learn, than teach and hope that people are entertained."
"I don't make pictures just to make money. I make money to make more pictures."
"I love the nostalgic myself. I hope we never lose some of the things of the past."
"As long as there is imagination left in the world, Disneyland will never be finished."
"If you can dream it, you can do it."
"I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse."
"When you're curious, you find lots of interesting things to do. And one thing it takes to accomplish something is courage."
"When I started on Disneyland, my wife used to say, 'But why do you want to build an amusement park? They're so dirty.' I told her that was just the point - mine wouldn't be."
"When guests come here, they're coming because of an integrity we've established over the years. They drive hundreds of miles. I feel a responsibility to the public."
"Anything that has a Disney name to it is something we feel responsible for."
"I just want it to look like nothing else in the world. And it should be surrounded by a train."
"I don't want the public to see the world they live in . . . I want them to feel they are in another world."
"It's the principal thing I hope to leave when I move onto greener pastures. If I can help provide a place to develop the talent of the future, I think I will have accomplished something."
"I don't believe there is a challenge anywhere in the world that is more important to people everywhere than finding the solutions to the problems of our cities. But where do we begin? Well, we're convinced we must start with the public need. And the need is not just for curing the old ills of old cities. We think the need is for starting from scratch on virgin land and building a community that will become a prototype for the future."
"You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality."
"Somehow, I can't believe there are any heights that can't be scaled by a man who knows the secret of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C's. They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy, and the greatest of these is Confidence: when you believe a thing, believe it all the way, implicitly and unquestionably."
"I am not influenced by the techniques or fashions of any other motion picture company."
"Whenever I go on a ride, I'm always thinking of what's wrong with the thing and how it can be improved."
"There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates' loot on Treasure Island and at the bottom of the Spanish Main . . . and best of all, you can enjoy these riches every day of your life."
"You're dead if you aim only for kids. Adults are only kids grown up, anyway."
"A man should never neglect his family for business."
"When people laugh at Mickey Mouse, it's because he's so human; and that is the secret of his popularity."
"When we opened Disneyland, a lot of people got the impressions that it was a get-rich-quick thing, but they didn't realize that behind Disneyland was this great organization that I built here at the Studio, and they all got into it, and we were doing it because we loved to do it."
"I first saw the site for Disneyland back in 1953. In those days, it was all flat land - no rivers, no mountains, no castles or rocketships - just orange groves, and a few acres of walnut trees."
"It's something that will never be finished. Something that I can keep developing and adding to."
"We believed in our idea - a family park where parents and children could have fun - together."
"I'm doing this because I want to do it better."
"Animation offers a medium of story telling and visual entertainment which can bring pleasure and information to people of all ages everywhere in the world."
"I try to build a full personality for each of our cartoon characters - to make them personalities."
"I have more latitude in television than I ever had before. If I had an idea for something, I had to then go and try to sell it to the distributors, to the theater men, and everyone else. With television, I just get my gang together, and we say we think that will be something interesting - let's do it. And I go direct to that public."
"Animation can explain whatever the mind of man can conceive."
"Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world: too many people grow up. They don't remember what it's like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won't do that."
"It has that thing - the imagination, and the feeling of happy excitement I knew when I was a kid."
"I do not make films primarily for children. I make them for the child in all of us, whether he be six or sixty. Call the child innocence. The worst of us is not without innocence, although buried deeply it might be. In my work, I try to reach and speak to that innocence, showing it the fun and joy of living; showing it that laughter is healthy; showing it that the human species, although happily ridiculous sometimes, is still reaching for the stars." (Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.)
"Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the child's approach to live. They're people who don't give a hang what the Joneses do. You see them at Disneyland every time you go there. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought - sometimes it isn't much, either."
"My business is making people, especially children, happy. I have dedicated much of my time to a study of the problems of children."
"Every child is born blessed with a vivid imagination. But just as muscles grow flabby with disuse, so the bright imagination of a child pales in later years if he ceases to excersise it."
"All we ever intended for him, or expected of him, was that he should continue to make people everywhere chuckle with him and at him. We didn't burden him with any social symbolism, we made him no mouth piece for frustrations or harsh satire. Mickey was simply a little personality assigned to the purposes of laughter."
"Until a character becomes a personality, it cannot be believed. Without personality, the character may do funny or interesting things, but unless people are able to identify themselves with the character, its actions will seem unreal. And without personality, a story cannot ring true to the audience."
"All cartoon characters and fables must be exaggeration, caricatures; it is the very nature of fantasy and fable."
"I have a great love of animals and laughter."
"The life and ventures of Mickey Mouse have been closely bound up with my own personal and professional life."
"I take great pride in the artistic developement of cartoons. Our characters are made to go through emotions."
"Disneyland is a work of love. We didn't go into Disneyland just with the idea of making money."
"Movies can and do have tremendous influence in shaping young lives in the realm of entertainment towards the ideals and objectives of normal adulthood."
"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."
"There's a great big beautiful tomorrow, just a dream away."
"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me . . . You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."
"It's no secret that we were sticking just about every nickel we had on the chance that people would really be interested in something totally new and unique in the field of entertainment."
"Of all of our inventions for mass communication, pictures still speak the most universally understood language."
"Laughter is America's most important export."
"I never called my work an 'art.' It's part of show business, the business of building entertainment."
"I don't like formal gardens. I like wild nature. It's just the wilderness instinct in me, I guess."
"People still think of me as a cartoonist, but the only thing I lift a pen or pencil for these days, is to sign a contract, a check, or an autograph."
"I have no use for people who throw their weight around as celebrities, or for those who fawn over you just because you are famous." *nods*
"I have been up against tough competition all my life. I wouldn't know how to get along without it."
"I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter."
"I believe in being an innovator."
"Biggest problem? Well, I'd say it's been my biggest problem all my life. MONEY. It takes a lot of money to make these dreams come true. From the very start, it was a problem. Getting the money to open Disneyland. About seventeen million, it took. And we had everything mortgaged, including my personal insurance."
"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
"You reach a point where you don't work for money."
More serious quotes
Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,
Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,
Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,
Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,
Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,
Calling me FAT wont make you THIN,
Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,
So . . . why bother?
She's broken. She believed.
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift; that's why it's called "The Present."
It's easy to imagine ways the future can be ugly and depressing. It's harder, but more worthwhile, to imagine plausible ways we can make it better.
The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.
The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
This is the real world and things are gonna fall apart. But not everything is worth crying for. Not everything is worth fighting for. And some things are just not worth mending.
The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain.
I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts.
Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am just . . . isn't me.
I think I'm afraid of being happy, because every time I'm happy, something bad always happens.
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels.
Other random things
WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS:
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Pretend to have amnesia.
3. Say everything backwards.
4. Run into walls.
5. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
6. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"
7. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
8. Say all of the words in a film.
9. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!"
10. Wear a sticker that says "I'm retarded!"
11. Talk to a pen.
12. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.
13. Try and climb the wall.
14. Switch the light button on and off for awhile. Then say "Oh...I get it!"
15. Eat your hair.
16. When you shower or bath yell "I'm drowning!"
17. At everything they say yell "LIAR!"
18. Pretend to be a phone.
19. Try to swim in the floor.
20. Tap on their door all night.
10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D:
1. Ask for directions to a place you're already at.
2. Order pizza from McDonald's.
3. Get hit by a parked car.
4. Try to watch Saturday cartoons on Thursday.
5. Try to sell your money.
6. Try (and fail) to play the alphabet on the piano.
7. Eat all-you-can-eat at a store.
8. Get into a fight with yourself, and lose.
9. Try to go swimming without getting wet.
10. Ask for diet water at a restaraunt.
The 10 Commandments of a Teenager:
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (Why wait that long?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer. Plus, it's cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection.)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger effect, and why the hell would you let yourself get arrested?!)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (Everyone knows grandma has more money.)
6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class. (Just take the whole day off.)
8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school. (Kiss them outside instead. [How about . . . not at all?])
9) Thou shall not worry about tests. (Just cheat on them; better marks.)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (Just leave them in the middle.)
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity. . . .
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you're woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone's gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write, "For marijuana."
7. Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy." Or, "in the garden with a meat cleaver."
8. Skip down the hall instead of walking and see how many looks you get.
9. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work are and play tropical sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
14. When money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"
15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"
16. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're gonna have to let one of you go."
Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't Spanish and you just do that to annoy him.
Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o, but you forgot your spoon, so you try to drink it through a straw.
Crazy is when you start dancing in Walmart to its cheesy music.
Crazy is when you laugh uncontrolable at your own jokes.
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.
Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.
Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".
Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.
Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.
Crazy is when your are going through this as a checklist.
Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random moments.
Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.
Crazy is when your crazy.
Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.
Crazy is when you convince your friends you're high, because you can't stop laughing when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.
Crazy is when it is last day of school you scream and run around in circles.
Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the move.
Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world.
Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.
Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".
Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh . . ." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino . . .)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenience store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S and B'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a wuss.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone
I hang out with TEENAGE DRINKERS and SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser
My mother was FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENTso I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear skirts
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. ("yellow" . . .)
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I actually CARE about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against ABORTION.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY/LESBIAN.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I grew up in a tough neighborhood, so must be a gangbanger.
I have ASTHMA, so I MUST need special treatment and be treated differently.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
1. We do not comprehend the words “ching chong”.
2. WHAT THE H-E-double hockey sticks does “ching chong” even mean?!
3. Not all Koreans make nuclear bombs or eat dogs.
4. Just cause you see an Asian person it doesn’t mean they’re Chinese, they could be Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Filipino etc.
5. We are not all COMMUNISTS.
6. We don’t always eat egg rolls and when we do it’s like once in a blue moon.
7. Asian girls with long black hair HATE being called The Grudge or the girl from The Ring. Same goes for Asian guys and being called Grudge boy.
8. Dynasty Express and China King are not considered “real” Chinese food.
9. We don’t use THAT much M-S-G.
10. Don’t ask us to speak our language, we will when we feel like it.
11. We don’t know how to translate your name so stop asking cause most likely we can’t.
12. Don’t ask us to teach you curse words either.
13. Stop trying to pair up Asian guys and girls at your school and say they look cute together. Not all Asians belong together.
14. All Asian countries speak different languages.
15. Just because we’re Asian it doesn’t mean that we know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do etc. Even though we are probably capable of kicking your butt.
16. Don’t say all Asian people look the same, that’s like saying all white people look the same, all African Americans look the same and all Hispanics look
the same. When will you realize your stupidity?
17. Surprise! Not all Asians are good at maths.
18. Not all Asians are short.
19. Or skinny.
20. By the way, it’s VietNAMese, not VietMANese.
21. Not all Asian families run a nail shop although some of them do.
22. Same goes for convenient stores and laundromats.
23. What do you people stare at? Haven’t you seen an Asian person before?
24. Just to let you know, it’s NOT funny when you tape your eyes up and start speaking gibberish. That just gives us another reason to kick your butt.
25. Go ahead, make fun of us. We’ll just make fun of you in our own language.
26. It’s ok for us to call each other F.O.B’s but if you call us one you’re asking for a beating.
27. Yeah we eat rice, so what? Got rice?
28. Don’t fold your hands and bow at us like you know what you’re doing cause honestly you look like an idiot.
29. Don’t ask if the Chinese use cat in their food, if they did they would label it “cat lo mein” instead of beef lo mein. They don’t use cat if you didn’t
already guess that by now.
30. No, Yao Ming is not my uncle.
31. People from India are Asians too.
32. People from the Middle East are just as Asian as people from the southeast
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( What other time do I have to work on my hair?).
On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how . . . ?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion, right or are u a secret dictator jus trying to suggest it).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well . . . a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (. . . and you thought?. . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what else?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash or was it supposed to have loony peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh . . . fly Delta?)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (. . . was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm. . . . .something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . )
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Oh sure, go ahead, destroy a universal child belief! I don't blame
the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
 I need to tell you a secret. First, look at number 5.
 The answer is to look at 11.
 Don't get mad and look at 15.
 Calm down, don't get mad, look at 13.
 First, look at 2.
 Don't be that angry, look at 12.
 This is a very important message: Go to number 5.
 What I wanted to tell you is, THE ANSWER IS AT 14.
 Be patient, and look at 4.
 This is the last time I'm gonna do this. Go to 7.
 I hope you're not mad when I say look at 6.
 Sorry, look at 8.
 Don't get mad and look at 10.
 I don't really know how to say this, but look at 3.
 You must be really mad, but look at 9.
Oh, the irony . . .
When you rearrange the letters:
When you rearrange the letters:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
When you rearrange the letters:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
Important Things I Learned From Rick Riordan
Even cat goddesses like growling at birds.
Underwater kisses are way better than normal ones
The five elements are earth, air, fire, water, and cheese.
Children of rival gods can fall in love.
No one really knows why the Egyptians wrote without vowels.
Nemean lions can be defeated with freeze dried ice cream.
Eating fruit bats is bad for your health.
Contrary to popular belief, hellhounds can be domesticated.
The Set animal does not appreciate being named Leroy.
Yes, that twelve year old wearing a silver jacket is a goddess.
Jackal headed gods can be very attractive.
Math teachers really are evil.
Set's secret name is Evil Day.
It's not easy to insult a daughter of Athena.
Elvis was a magician. No, really.
Do not trust the bald man who wants to sell you a water bed.
Hieroglyphics are fun to read.
A god of toilet paper can actualy be really cool.
Demons will give you free samples if you ask nicely.
If you hear a voice in your head, you're not crazy - you just have an uber-powerful god living inside you.
You Know You're a Book Addict If:
You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.
Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.
You write fanfictions about the book.
You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books.
Everything reminds you of the book
You quote random lines all the time.
You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.
You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class.
You've got a book memorized.
You've read a book more than five times.
You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days.
You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional.
You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.
THIS STUFF'S FOR THE GIRLS . . . .
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call "normal". I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT, I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Percy Jackson, Artemis Fowl, etc., who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, PercyJackson-PeetaM-Fang-Fan11, xXxDaughteroftheKingxXx, musiclover99
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. SO STICK THAT IN YOUR JUICE BOX AND SUCK IT!
What a guy means, when he says some stuff-
"You know how bad my memory is!” Translation: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned…but I forgot your birthday."
“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.” Translation: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
“Take a breath honey. You work too hard." Translation: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"It‘s a guy thing" Translation: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Translation: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to " Translation: "I have no idea how it works."
"I cant find it." Translation: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
Fact of Life: A Boy
"A heart is not a play thing,
A heart is not a toy,
But if you want it broken,
Just give it to a boy.
Boys, they like to play with things
To see what makes them run,
But when it comes to kissing,
They do it just for fun.
Boys never give their hearts away
They play us girls for fools,
They wait untill we give our hearts
And then they play it cool.
You will wonder where he is a night
You will wonder if he's true,
One moment you will be happy,
One moment you will be blue.
If you get a chance to see him
Your heart begins to dance
Your life revolves around him,
There's nothing like romance.
And then it starts to happen,
You worry day and night
You see, my friend, you're losing him
It never turns out right.
Boys are great, though immature
The price you pay is high,
He may seem sweet and gorgeous
But remember, he's a guy.
Don't fall in love with just a boy
That takes a lot of nerve.
You see, my friend, you need a man
To get what you deserve.
So when you think that you're in love,
Be careful if you can
Before you give your heart away
Make sure that he's a man."
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
to the top
of the tree
"Girl you're amazing. Just the way you are." -Bruno Mars
Women are crazy. Men are stupid. Women are crazy BECAUSE men are stupid.
The best guys in life are either gay, taken, or fictional.
Boys are like trees. They take 50 years to grow up.
THIS ONE'S FOR THE WRITERS!:
If you're creating fanfics, press 1. If you're reading them, press 2. If you're a flamer, don't press anything cause I think you should stop thinking negatively and look on the good side! . . . Just kidding! . . . but seriously, if you do nothing but flame so much you almost burnt your house down, then you have GOT to stop and say something nice!
I may not have the best stories, but I know where the worst are. I mean it has the following unattractive qualities:
OOC-ness: it means out of character. Examples: Annabeth being girly girly, Percy being a selfish jerk, Grover being a ladies man, Clarisse wearing a dress, Kronos sipping tea while knitting some oven mitts . . . get the idea?
Mary Sue: an OC that's waaaay too perfect like: she's beautiful, smart, has amazing powers without even having to train, she's just . . .*gags* PERFECT! It's too unrealistic. Remember, it may be fiction, but it's only good if the people can actually UNDERSTAND. And it's POSSIBLE (at least, the demigods if it's PJO).
Bad Grammar: I know the English language is pretty hard language . . . but that's what spell checks for! And beta readers (FYI, if you want me, just let me know!)
Author's notes/AN: we all put them there to say "hope you liked it, don't forget to review please..blah blah blah", but none should ever be more than the chapter itself or be inserted while the chapter's going on. EXAMPLE: And he grabbed her hand and told her he loved her (AN: omg wasn't that like so cute!)
Cliched plots: Truth or Dares, chat rooms, Percabeth (though it is awesome, remember, too much of a good thing isn't a good thing), seven of the prophecy, some demigod finds out he's a demigod after his teacher blows up, child of the Big Three, etc.
Saying it's your first fic: Oh my goodness that totally means I have to love it! Not. We're going to criticize you the same way whether it's your first fanfic or thousanth. Capeshe?
Begging for Reviews: *raises hand in surrender* yeah I'm guilty of that, I admit it, but I'm gonna be more careful now! Begging for them like "REVIEW OR I'LL CUT MYSELF" is like: wow . . . no pressure in that at all. You don't seem crazy/desperate at all! (please tell me you found the sarcasm)
"NO FLAMES PLEZ": saying that already makes people think the story is gonna suck. And it's like tattooing on your story to flamers "COME AND FLAME IT!"
"Sooory cudn't think of a title"- ??????? No comment . . .
Bad Summary consists of:
A) Chatspeak. Example: "percy and anabeth go on a datte togethr but oh no monsrters com and riun itz." TIP: the way you present your summary is probably the way your story is written. When you write like the one above, people are probably gonna think that's the way the story's written. And they'll probably not read it. :(
B) "Sorry...I suck at summaries...just read it!": repeat after me: The summary box is your friend. It's there for a reason. USE IT!
C) PERCABETH PERCABETH ALL THE WAY!: Now, while Percabeth's a big fan fave, you gotta say WHAT the story is about, what're they gonna do, etc. But not too much; leave 'em in suspense! MUAH HA HA HA HA! . . . no but if you get them curious they might read it. Sooo . . . yeah.
D) Summary's inside: again, the summary box is there for a reason.
Okay guys, I'd hate for you guys to be thinking "Wow, who does she think she is?" Well, I'm just trying to help the kids not read horrible fanfics and in the future make them too. So please: think of the children.
And guys, if you think my stories contain any of the above and think I'm being a total hypocrite: PM me or write in a review. If you flame me . . . yeah I'll be pretty bummed but I'll try to look at the ways that person's trying to help me. :)
HERE'S A KEY FOR FF TALK!
AU- Alternate Universe
OC- Original Character
OOC- Out of Character
Mary-sue- an all around perfect OC that ruins the whole story.
Gary-Stu: a male version of a Mary-Sue
CC- Constructive criticism
Flames- a comment or review that only points out faults and is stated harshly.
IC- In character
AN- Author's note
R&R- Read & review
POV- Point of view
FYI, I'm gonna try my best not to flame or anything like that, but if your story sucks, and you're being arrogant or whatever *coughcough, I WILL let you know, and I won't hold back. K? (but since I hate swearing, I'll try to refrain from that too)
WRITERS YOU GOTTA CHECK OUT!
Bubbly Chick: She's AWESOME. She can also give you an epic nickname if you ask her and she knows you enough.
daughterofhades5565: She's cool. And sorta insane . . . but then again, everyone on this list is! XD
Akheilos and Delhpin Inc.: . . . I really dunno what to say, except she's an awesome writer!
bubble drizzles: Give her some encouragement and stuff, she deserves it!
Chosen Hero: . . . I can't really say anything nice for HIM . . . ;) Kidding. He's awesome, and one of the only authors you can talk to about PJO AND Pokémon!
Well, that's about it . . . NAH! Can't forget one of my first friends/closest friends on this thing!
xXxDaughteroftheKingxXx She's hilarious, she can make awesomely epic stories, AND she's the one who REALLY started the REVOLUTION!!!
There's a whole bunch of other people I can say, but this'll take too long!
Whoever's bothered to actually read my entire profile, thanks! And sorry if some things are all squished together, I tried to make it as short as I could. ;
Stay tuned for more stories and funny moments! Max