Author has written 3 stories for Soul Eater, Darren Shan Saga/Cirque Du Freak, Harry Potter, and Pandora Hearts.
Im quite a rendom person so this will be really random so if you dont like ranom things TUFF!! ha But before that i will do all the normal stuff ok?
If I put any storys up they will be ideas or plans.
Name: my names boring so call me DayaLuna it's a cool name
Age: High school thats all you need to know. KS4 (i know, i know i'm only in high school i shouldn't be reading M's oh well! >:-D)
Fave songs: i have alot but some unusual one aswell so i'll mention them first:
Fave books: this list will be long so i'll just put names not authors this list will include Manga's:
(I can't be bothered to write anymore down so that'll do)
Fave Films: this will be another long list so watch out:
(i thought i had better stop there or we would be here all day/night)
Fave quote's from manga, anime, films, songs, famous people, ect.:
"The lord millennium is in search of you, looking for the heart now have you heard the news? maybe you stole it from him, i'll see if it's true." - Road Kamelot - D gray man
"Doubt everything, find your own light" - Buddha
"Three things cannot be long hidden the sun, the moon and the truth" - Buddha
"Mokona is Mokona. If you were to count them you would count them one Mokona, two Mokona, and then you would stop because there are only two" - Yuuko - XXXHolic
"Video games ruined my life... Good thing I have 2 extra lives!!" (copy and paste to your profile if you get it!)
"Who needs Edward and Jacob? I got Sam and Dean."
"Shirtless werewolves are no match for the Winchesters!"
"Charlie's angels are now bobby's idjits."
"You brave little soldier. I acknowledge your pain. Too precious for this world."
"Sephiroth eats sparkly vampires for breakfast."
"The Soul Eater episode title formula: Cryptic Statement. Unrelated Question?"
"I don't know how to deal with this."
"My fandom thinks asymmetry is a sin."
"Yeah, I've been to the dark side. They lied about the cookies."
“I speak fluently in movie quotes."
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
.:Here come's the wierd! YAY!:.
IM A WEREWOLF YAY I MEAN AWHOOOO!!!!
Which Hetalia character are you?
The Axis Powers
North Italy (Feliciano Vargas)
[x]You were bullied a lot in your childhood.
Germany (Ludwig Beilschmidt)
[x]You're very stoic and serious.
Japan (Kiku Honda)
[x]You're very mature.
The Allied Forces
The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones)
[x]You love hamburgers.
The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland)
[x]You like tea.
France (Francis Bonnefoy)
[x]You're very affectionate.
Russia (Ivan Braginski)
[ ]You had a very sad childhood.
China (Wang Yao)
[x]You're very mature.
Austria (Roderich Edelstein)
[ ]You are very well-raised.
Canada (Matthew Williams)
[x]You're often ignored by people.
[ ]You smoke.
Hungary (Elizaveta Hédeváry)
[x]You have a potty-mouth.
Lithuania (Toris Lorinaitis)
[x]You're very loyal.
Poland (Feliks Lucasiewocz)
[x]You're very flamboyant.
Prussia (Gilbert Beillschmidt)
[x]You're quite mean-spirited.
Spain (Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)
[x]You are clueless about things around you.
South Italy (Lovino Vargas)
[x]You tend to overreact a lot.
Cool I’m hungry, now that I think about it I am quiet hungry, let’s go find food. Yum sweets and chocolate. FOOD!!!
Who Are You In Organization XIII?
I’m a mix between Axel and Xigbar who would have guessed?
Normal people VS. YuGiOh fans
Normal people: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast.
YuGiOh fans: would rather rely on Ishizu for future predictions.
Normal people: say OMG!
YuGiOh fans: Say oh my RA !
NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or I'll tell on you!
Normal people: Think bad guys are very ugly
YuGiOh fans: Know a lot better and absolutely love Bakura and Marik.
Normal people: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
YuGiOh fans: when being chased yell HELP ME MARIK.
Normal People: get nervous or scared during thunderstorms.
Normal People: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation.
Normal people: Would be scared when they see people in purple cloaks chasing them.
YuGiOh fans: Just know that Marik sends his rare hunters to be sure that you are fine.
Normal people: Get freaked out when they see scary people on motorcycles
YuGiOh fans: Know a lot better and know that it is Marik or Valon the badass Australian.
Normal people: Think YuGiOh is just a stupid children’s card game
YuGiOh fans: Know a lot better and know that it even was in the Egyptian past.
Normal people: Think little people are stupid.
YuGiOh fans: Think that Mokuba is way too cute to be stupid. (Unless they are Abridged fans “Shut up Mokuba”)
Normal people: Would never go to an orphanage
YuGiOh fans: Know better and go a lot to orphanages to check out if there is someone like Seto.
Normal people: Think Egypt is stupid
YuGiOh fans: Would go immediately to Egypt, because maybe Marik is there!
Normal people: Would never buy to expensive thing because they might become out of money.
YuGiOh fans: Would just kidnap Mokuba and force Seto to shop with them.
Normal People: Solve all their problems by suing people
YuGiOh Fans: Solve all their problems by playing a children's card game (YGO! The Abridged quote Copyright: Little Kuribo)
If you are a YuGiOh fan, then put this on your profile
You know you're a fangirl when...
1. You read fanfiction and squeal out loud. (Sometimes with yaoi...)
2. You write fanfiction.
3. You know all, or most of, the fanfiction terms ex. lemon, lime, flames, etc.(Not even close)
4. You hate mary-sues with a passion. (This would be one...)
5. You watch a movie/ read a book and then automatically think of all the different pairings.
6. You own merchandise of your favorite character. (Some things)
7. You own a deviantart account.(I wish...)
8. You browse through deviantart.com and google pictures for the sole purpose of finding fanart.
9. Your computer screen background, screen saver, and and mobile screen background are all pictures of your favorite anime character. (They should be! XD)
10. You occasionally wonder why anime guys aren't real.
11. You start learning japanese.
12. You are often called childish for your love of anime, movies, and cartoons.
13. When people call anime 'cartoons', you are outraged.
14. You wish you could cosplay.
15. You cosplay.
16. You are overjoyed when people say you look 'anime-ish'.
17. You know who 'L', Naruto, and Inuyasha are.
18. You hate anime dubbed into english. (With a passion)
19. You know more about the japanese culture than your own.
20. You occasionally glomp people.
21. You hyperventilate when you see someone who resembles an anime character.
22. You hyperventilate when you see a japanese person.
23. You hyperventilate when you see anime merchandise at an affordable price.
24. You tend to hyperventilate a lot.
25. You wish you could visit Japan.
Nine things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a* to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the
envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."
This student received the only A.
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Officer: The car is stolen?
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place...
(No offence to german people intended)
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'."
LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."
"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married ?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on'," but I like your thinking."
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right !" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
"What's the f * king difference ?" asks the father.
"That's what I said !"
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"
Little TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael !"
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f * king beautiful !'"
LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"
Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own f * king business."
(I LOVE Little Tony!)
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?!" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
When the americans went to space they quickly found out that ball point pens wouldn't work in zero G's so NASA spent a decade and 12 billion dollars developing a pen that could write in zero G's, upside down, underwater on almost any surface including glass and in temperatures ranging from below freezing and to 300 degrees F
I really do love America, but...
1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.
One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot
The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting
This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say
13 WEIRD QUESTIONS
1) Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
2) When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
3) "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
4)Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
5)Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
6)Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
7)Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
8)Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
9)Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
10) Don’t you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
11) Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
12) Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
13) If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
Crock O. Schitt
Two people are sitting at a bar drinking, one of them turns to the other and says
"You arent irish by any chance are you?"
The bar man sighed "Its going to be a long night... The O Malley twins are drunk again."
Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope," they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the F*ing Pope as a driver!!
In a British University, a final exam question on Business was:
"Define what risk is".
The shortest answer ever at one word was :
The student handed the essay in and got 100%.
REDNECK FAMILY TREE
Many, many years ago
This widow had a daughter
This made my dad my son-in-law
To complicate the matters worse,
My little baby then became
For if he was my uncle,
Father's wife then had a son,
My wife is now my mother's mom.
If my wife is my grandmother,
For now I have become
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
GOOD FRIEND VS. BEST FRIEND
Good Friend-Hands you your shoe if it falls off.
Good Friend-Helps you up if you fall down.
Good Friend-Will rush over right away to comfort you if you're house burns down.
Good Friend-Will pay your bail if you're arrested for DUI.
Good Friend-Will call your parents by their first names.
Good Friend-Knocks on your door and wits for you to answer.
Good Friend-Acts like a guest at your house.
Good Friend-Will watch what's already on the TV.
Good Friend-Waits for you after school if you get detention.
Good Friend-Will help you with your chores.
Good Friend-Will lend you money and not expect you to pay them back.
Good Friend-Will comfort you if your boyfriend breaks up with you.
Good Friend-Will have little "inside jokes" with you.
Good Friend-Will come and get you if you call to say you're lost.
Good Friend-Will try to talk you out of bungee-jumoing off the Empire State Building.
Good Friend-Disagrees if you say words can't hurt you.
Good Friend-Would give you the last life jacket on a sinking ship.
Good Friend-Will ask if you're okay, and when you say "I'm fine" they'll drop it.
Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face...This apparently was a real memo sent out by a computer company to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The word is that the engineers literally rolled on the floor!
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.
Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball
The NHS regret to inform you that your birth was an accident. Please report to the nearest hospital to be put down. We apologise for any inconvenience.
"I've had a REALLY bad day! I rear-ended a car today.
The driver got out of the other car and he was a DWARF!
He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well then, which one ARE you?"
That's how the fight started."
A blonde just texted me and asked, "What does idk mean?". I said I don't know and she said omg nobody noes.
Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference:
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
ACTUAL BUSINESS SIGNS PUT UP
Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day.
On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push
Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action
Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Scientist's Door: Gone Fission
Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels.
Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
Hotel: Help! We need inn - experienced people.
Butcher's Window: Pleased to meat you.
Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman,and the 2nd one just left.
Veterinarians Waiting Room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
The Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
Beauty Shop: Dye now!
Garbage Truck: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Computer Store: Out for a quick byte
Diner Window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
Music Library: Bach in a minuet.
Funeral Home: Drive carefully, we'll wait.
Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women, we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the plances for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in the country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman. Hijackings would end and the airline industry would have record sales.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
A blind man wanders into a lesbian biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, do you want to hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at nasa though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.
Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.
"Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a b*ch...
Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms
2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
12) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"
13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
19) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bamf!" everytime I apparate.
20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".
28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.
29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
30) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
31.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
32.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
33.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.
34.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
35.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
36.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
37.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
38.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
39.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
40.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
41.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
42.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
43.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
44.)Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
45.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
46.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “
47.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
48.). I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
49.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
50.)Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
51.)Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
52.)I may not have a private army.
53.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
54.)Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
55.)I am not the wicked witch of the west.
56.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
57.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
58.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
59.)I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
60.)I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
61.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
62.) I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
63.) - Especially not all of them at once.
64.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
65.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."
66.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
67.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
68.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
69.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
70.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
71.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
72.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
73.)Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
74.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
75.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
76.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
77.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
78.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
79.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
80.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.
81.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
82.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
83.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
84.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
85.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
86.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
87.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
88.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
89.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
90.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
91.)I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
92.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry
93.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
94.) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
95.) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
96.) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
97.) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
98.) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
99.) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
100.) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
101.)I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
102.) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
103.) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
104.) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
105.) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
106.) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”
107.) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
108.) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
109.) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.
110.) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
111.) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.
112.) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
113.) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.
114.) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.
115.) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
116.) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
117.) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.
118.) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
119.) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.
120.) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.
121.) When fighting deatheaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.
122.) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.
123.) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.
124.) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.
125.) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
126.) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
127.) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
(My favorite are 19 and 2)