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Poll: Who should "69 Ways to Bother Idiot Apprentice" show more of other than Allen and Cross? Vote Now!
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Joined 08-21-10, id: 2506251, Profile Updated: 07-15-14
Author has written 22 stories for Elfen Lied, Soul Eater, Higurashi/Umineko series, Alex Rider, D.Gray-Man, Death Note, Pandora Hearts, Kuroshitsuji, Naruto, Red vs. Blue, Jimmy Neutron, A Midsummer's Night Dream, and RWBY.

Hello, I'm Orange-Moon-Goddess!

To make this short, I like a lot of stuff. I'm a very diverse person, and am fairly open to pretty much anything I'm shown to.

So I have some things that I don't like: Discrimination is the biggest one. Not just by race, but by gender, religion, age, sexual orientation, social status, and so on. I believe that everyone is created equal and should be treated as we would treat ourselves. If you torment someone, you're really tormenting yourself. And that's no way to live.

Okay, ummm... My looks?

... I'm not going to tell you what I look like, because there's no reason. For all you know, I could be lying anyways.


Regarding my story "101 Failed Attempts at Hiding From Cross Marian," each of the characters' personalities vary each chapter. I guess I should probably put up some description, as some of my readers were getting confused:

Cross Marian: He's mostly a pervert and is found drunk in the majority of the chapters. From time to time, he will transform into "Mama Cross," which terrifies Allen on most occasions. The Noahs believe he is a necrophiliac because in chapter 12, Allen told the Noahs that Cross carried around the grave of a dead woman. He will also be found mistaking Allen as a little girl. Cross calls Allen his "b*ch" and doesn't let anyone else mess with his property. On chapter 32, it is revealed that the melons supposedly killed his family, scarring him for life and developing a deep hatred against all fruits. His hatred of fruits later deepens because he learns of innuendos, and it is implied that he can no longer look at a fruit (such as a banana, or melon) without thinking something horribly perverted.

Cross Marian Clones: They appear on chapter 42, when Cross is pretending to be a vampire. Allen mistakes them to be reflections, but they turn out to be real. Boy, just think about that combined debt! Once in a while they reappear, but their purpose in the story isn't exactly clear.

Allen Walker: In his younger years, Allen is mostly a crybaby and at the end of most chapters he's breaking down into tears as he's dragged away to his doom. He loves to eat and succumbs to the temptation of food, which results in him abandoning his hiding place. As he matures he learns to hold back the tears and "suck it up." Allen is mistaken as a girl by Cross, Lavi, Tyki, and by various others in the series. He later becomes aware that he is being manipulated by the author, and refuses to go along with what is going on. He particularly hates anything plot-related, and just wants to get out of the story.

Lavi: Basically, he's a second Cross Marian minus the drinking and smoking habit. When Allen first meets him, he thinks that he is a younger version of his master come to retrieve him. He and Bookman join Allen on his journey with Cross, but are not present for the majority of the travels. He is also a conspiracy theorist, and breaks the fourth wall often. He follows the work of a writer called GiveMeYourSoulMilEarl, often found reading dubious material. Occasionally he and Cross team up to cause trouble for Allen.

Kanda: Kanda is mostly in character, staying silent and whatnot. Since chapter 24 and up, he uses a Segway to torment others. His long hair is excellent for hiding under, and he later makes it clear that he will help Allen escape.

Lenalee: She's one of the few people nice to Allen, but doesn't help him escape his master in favor of watching him suffer. On chapter 72, it is revealed that she is responsible for half of the insanity in the series, as she writes while she is drunk. Cross recruited her to become a writer, but he did a horrible orientation as now Lenalee believes that she is supposed to write while under the influence of alcohol.

Bookman: He never interferes with anything, as he is afraid of tampering with "the World's History." He shows interest in earning money, and it is implied that he and Allen share tips on getting cash.

Link: First off, he's horrible at karaoke and no one should ever let him have the mic. Second, he mostly does his job and records in his journal, which is often destroyed as it contains condemning evidence of things that probably shouldn't be allowed to happen in the Order.

Tyki: Most of the time, Tyki is under the impression that Allen is a girl. He sympathizes with Allen's cause, and to Allen's surprise is willing to help him run away. He sprouts out rhetorical questions and invades Allen's room at night with Cross and Road. Lately he and the other Noahs have been hinting their ulterior motives, but what could they possibly be up to? The Noahs are always up to no good.

Road: Umm... well, there's not much to say since she doesn't appear that often. When she does she either glomps Allen, or goes along with whatever he's trying to do in his attempt to hide.

Neah: He makes his way into a few chapters, and when he does he's laughing at Allen's suffering.

Lulu Bell: She appears once in a while, and acts either polite, or to the point. She's kind of like a business woman.

Sheril: Eh, no one really cares.

Devit & Jasdero: Devit is the more vocal of the two, whereas Jasdero merely echoes or agrees with whatever he's saying.

Other Noahs: ... Meh.

The Asia Branch: Typically ignored for whatever they accomplish, they are often excluded. When they do show up, they are highly efficient at getting stuff done.

Komurin bots: They inevitably malfunction and cause havoc in the Black Order. They are abominations and must be destroyed.

Johnny: Again,he's another character that doesn't show up very often.

Jerry: Everyone loves Jerry. He's pretty much the heart of the Order, and shows formidable skill in combat with his frying pan.

Froi Tiedoll: Oh, he's harmless. Not much to say here.

Apocryphos: The creepy old monster. Jokes are often made about how he ends up killing Cross, which makes Allen uncomfortable later on because of all the death jokes.

General Socalo: Cross's eternal rival. Allen has been taken in as an apprentice by him once, but this was short lived as he and Cross dueled to win rights over Allen. Cross cheated and he won. Later it is revealed the Socalo worked on a farm back in his homeland handling those of the cucurbitaceae family but eventually went bonkers due to the everyday life of planting. Rumor has it that he destroyed field after field of melons. He learns of Cross's aversion to melons and tried to become friends because of their common hatred, but Cross believed it was mockery at the time and they grew to hate each other.

Miranda Lotto: Despite her misfortune in the past, she is lucky now that she has left her old life.

Mana Walker: The one responsible person in the series. He's introduced Allen to Cross, but Allen disliked him immediately. Mana never shows his face to the audience for some reason, just like a bunch of other characters in D. Gray man. Seriously, what is UP with people refusing to show their entire face? Also, he pretended once to be the Earl, causing confusion for those nearby.

Krory: Krory represents anyone walking into the middle of any new fandom. It is shown that he doesn't know how to use computers. Krory is always very polite to everyone, and is well-liked amongst his peers.

Klaud Nine: The reasonable person in the series. She is the only person who uses their head and questions the insanity around her. She doesn't talk much, and is neutral to Allen and Cross's battle of Allen escaping and Cross catching. Her monkey talks more often than she does.

Timcanpy: Timcanpy can talk, he can eat, he can torture Allen and find him wherever he is. In chapter three, he is shown to have a very violent side when he tells Allen "B*tch, I will slit your throat and use your blood as syrup on my waffles, you little piece of sh*t." Allen is scared of Tim but gets used to the death threats over time. Sometimes Timcanpy will be regular Tim from the actual series.

The Melons: Introduced on chapter 28, it is revealed by Jerry that Cross extremely dislikes melons. They appear throughout the story, and Socalo frequently pesters his rival by filling Cross's room with melons. It is unknown whether or not they have any actual importance in the series, but they do cause trouble amongst the Exorcists.

The Segway: Kanda is revealed to have a Segway on chapter 24. Ever since then, the Segway has run over Allen, slain enemies, and been used for eco-friendly travel.

GiveMeYourSoulMilEarl: Totally not the Millennium Earl. I believe he was first introduced in chapter 49. He is known for writing How-To guides, but his instructions are somewhat suspicious (ranging from putting people out of their misery, to insulting the person reading the book). The reason behind his writing is unknown, but his work causes chaos amongst the Order every time he releases a new How-To for people to use.

Olive Garden: A high-calorie, greasy, yet fairly inexpensive choice of restaurant that the Noahs use to meet at, as Devit and Jasdero somehow manage to burn down the meeting place every time. Olive Garden is an evil place, meant to be used by evil people. Clearly.

Six-dollar Gallon Milk: Milk is expensive, are you kidding me? Most of the characters complain about the price, and even Jerry becomes somewhat flustered when the expensive drink is wasted.

Three-Dollar Men's Sandals: Face it, these things just don't exist. Lenalee mentions becoming a writer in order to pay for travel fares on her quest to find them.

A Certain Angry Janitor: He is introduced briefly, and doesn't hold relevance to the story. He cleans up after every mess in every anime, hence his name.

There you go.

OK? :D

10-28-13: This is a reminder. The chapters in 69 Ways To Bother Idiot Apprentice will not be posted until they are all completed (all of the remaining 66 chapters). Right now I'm about 10 or so chapters in, but I might merge/edit some of the chapters that are alike so that there is more content for you to enjoy without it being repetitive. In the mean time, if you have any requests I would be happy to consider them. Say it's Kanda's adventures on his Segway or Lavi trying to flirt with all the women or Lenalee turning evil behind her brother's back. Or if you have a request for something other than D Gray Man, I can do that too. I've watched and read a lot of things, so chances are I might already be in the fandom you have in mind.

5-30-14: Hey guys, it's been a while! I know my account has been inactive recently, but this is because I am focusing on preparing the rest of 69 Ways. I'm having some trouble getting past some of the chapters, but hopefully that will be resolved soon. I might post one or two chapters so I'm not totally depriving you guys of what I'm writing, but I won't be posting any more than that because the series is still a work-in-progress. Let me know if you're interested in spoiler chapters.

7-15-14: Okay, it's been a LONG time since I updated "69 Ways." I know I said I wouldn't post until every chapter was completed, but you know what? I feel really terrible just holding onto the content. Some of what I wrote actually had me laughing with tears, and I really would like to share what I have available. I can't guarantee that the updates will be constant, but I promise to post when I can :)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Silent Sleeper by DAIrinchan reviews
Every morning, a red rose was left on Allen's pillow. And It was creeping him out. Onesided Poker Pair.
D.Gray-Man - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,193 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 25 - Published: 10/14/2012 - Allen Walker, Tyki Mikk - Complete
Ghost of a Living Man by Esherymack reviews
Allen Walker is dead- he has been for nearly a year. General Cross is presumed dead. When three exorcists find out he's alive and biding for his time, they make the quick decision to leave him with his own piece of his lost apprentice. Onesided Parental!CrossxAllen. Lavi x Lenalee, slightly implied Allena, and Yullen if you squint into an upside-down microscope on Pluto.
D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,769 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/6/2012 - Cross Marian, Lenalee Lee - Complete
When Cross Ruled by lawlietlivesforever reviews
What would happen if Cross was in charge of his own country? Oneshot
D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,951 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/9/2012 - Cross Marian - Complete
You're So Dead by alyssajoy64 reviews
Unfortunately for Alex, revenge doesn't always go as planned-especially when K-Unit's involved.
Alex Rider - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,299 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 4/14/2012 - Published: 4/21/2011 - Alex R./Cub, Wolf
Hinamizawa Hell by Zoken Hirogechi reviews
Rika believed she finally reached happiness, but evil looms over the village of Hinamizawa once again. A mysterious arrival, an old friend, and new secrets of the village come to light for Keiichi and friends, just as the new year rolls around.
Higurashi/Umineko series - Rated: M - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 59 - Words: 392,890 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 12/22/2011 - Published: 2/7/2009 - F. Bernkastel - Complete
Back in the Mix by camnstarr4eva reviews
This time it's serious. Set after Snakehead. Just when Alex thought it was all over, MI6 are after him, Scorpia are after him. And they're not the only ones. And he doesn't know why. Please review. COMPLETE!
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 212,822 - Reviews: 539 - Favs: 292 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 12/20/2011 - Published: 8/22/2008 - Alex R./Cub - Complete
Strawberries by LittleOne94 reviews
Percy steals some of Dionysus strawberries, but doesn't know he's already been caught. M/M. Percy/Dionysus -Hiatus-
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,937 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 215 - Updated: 11/13/2011 - Published: 12/6/2010 - Dionysus, Percy J.
It's For a Good Cause, I Swear! by Sarah1281 reviews
After receiving a time travel jutsu as payment for a mission, the original four members of Team 7 each get a chance to go back to one event in their life and change it. Surely they will use such an awesome power responsibly...right? Don't count on it.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 36 - Words: 114,594 - Reviews: 6178 - Favs: 10,750 - Follows: 4,083 - Updated: 3/5/2010 - Published: 9/28/2009 - Team Seven - Complete
How Chaoji Died by plasticfries reviews
It's Chaoji's first mission! But he doesn't know that it's also his last. Recommended for Chaoji-haters only. Beware of Kanda's swearing.
D.Gray-Man - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,327 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/5/2009 - Chaoji H. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

69 Ways to Bother Idiot Apprentice reviews
"That is the worst story idea ever," Allen complained. "The worst idea ever," he repeated and then added, "Of all time." And then Cross hit Allen on the head and put him back in his cage. WARNING: Rated M for too many reasons.
D.Gray-Man - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 15 - Words: 30,669 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 11/15/2014 - Published: 10/9/2012 - Allen Walker, Cross Marian
Coffee Quest: A RWBY Parody reviews
A parody of the entire series that involves ship sinking, coffee drinking, fourth wall breaking, and "organized" crime. Will involve all characters and (mostly cannon) pairings.
RWBY - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 36,841 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 1/10/2014 - Published: 9/14/2013 - Ruby R., Yang X.L., Roman T., Ozpin
101 Failed Attempts At Escaping From Cross Marian reviews
Allen just wanted to get away from Cross and his drunken antics. He prayed, and in return he got a murderer with a Segway, a conspiracy theorist of a bookman junior, a melon murderer, clones of the guy he was trying to run from, a satanic golem, a truck load of crack, and a broken fourth wall. Thanks a lot god. It's even worse because he just can't seem to escape this nonsense.
D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 101 - Words: 205,584 - Reviews: 895 - Favs: 202 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 8/11/2013 - Published: 7/1/2012 - Allen Walker, Cross Marian, Kanda Yuu, Lavi - Complete
Yang Xiao Long: Destroyer of Ships reviews
Yang reads the RWBY wiki and finds a series of comments related to "shipping." After that, Jaune blasts off Team Rocket style and Professor Ozpin does nothing the entire time.
RWBY - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 961 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 19 - Published: 8/10/2013 - Yang X.L., Ruby R., Ozpin - Complete
Mana D Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup reviews
Summary: One day the Earl finds a friendly clown on his doorstep, offering him a can of soup to purchase. As part of the money goes to the orphanages, he agrees and the clown goes on his merry way. But upon closer inspection, the Earl realizes the can came from a certain company. A certain company owned by a certain traveling clown.
D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,185 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Published: 7/20/2013 - Complete
A Midsummer Night's Nightmare reviews
Act 2, Scene 1, based on lines 125-142. Titania goes full on ghetto, and Oberon decides that this is a level of stupidity not worth sticking around for.
A Midsummer's Night Dream - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 548 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/16/2013 - Complete
Agent York Decides to Propose Another Day reviews
Title says all.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 391 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/26/2012 - Director, York - Complete
50 Reasons Why Allen Wants a New Teacher reviews
In which nothing makes sense, Cross is a madman and kills everyone in the series; Timcanpy does nothing, fruit becomes evil, and the feminists are supposedly going to take over the world. But wait, there's more! Read now to see Allen suffer as his master puts him through hilarious hell fifty times, and only for ten payments of whatever is in your bank right now. Or a review. R&R?
D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,215 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 10/20/2012 - Published: 10/7/2012 - Allen Walker, Cross Marian
Jimmy Neutron: A Fandom Sent to H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICK reviews
Meet Caesar Crouton, culinary genius and total pimp. And then there's poor Jimmy, who he mistook for his archival, Jimmy John. How will Jimmy get out of this one? The answer is simple: Science.
Jimmy Neutron - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 816 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/2/2012 - Jimmy N.
In The Morning reviews
Fluffish. All dreams end when the sun comes up to start the day. That includes nightmares. And at the table, where they eat breakfast, Cross and Allen get around to discussing some things around their orange juice and coffee.
D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,657 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 11 - Published: 9/29/2012 - Allen Walker, Cross Marian - Complete
Agent Texas Goes to a Roadhouse reviews
That's not what the waiter meant by "we break nuts" when he gave you that bowl of peanuts. Told from North's POV.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,129 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/9/2012 - Tex/Allison - Complete
Agent Washington Takes Off His Helmet reviews
... and sees a terrible thing one day, as he delivers coffee to his friends in the morning.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,278 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/3/2012 - Wash - Complete
Who Let The Trolls Out? reviews
I did.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,047 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 8/20/2012 - Published: 8/19/2012
Saying Goodbye reviews
Just because you leave, that doesn't mean that you won't come back.
Pandora Hearts - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 402 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 9 - Published: 8/18/2012 - Alice, Oz V. - Complete
Those Hands Were Made For High Fives reviews
Those vector hands were made for?... High fives. Totally, dude.
Elfen Lied - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 280 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/18/2012 - Lucy / Nyu - Complete
Every Man For Himself! reviews
Women and children last.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 572 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/18/2012 - Ciel P., Sebastian M. - Complete
Oz Kills Jack Vessalius reviews
Title says all. To be honest though, Jack had it coming.
Pandora Hearts - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 265 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/10/2012 - Jack V., Oz V. - Complete
So it was YOU reviews
Rated T for language. Chief Yagami is shocked by a revelation concerning his son. Light was the one who did it. Light was the one who ate the last bag of chips.
Death Note - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 533 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/18/2012 - Light Y., Soichiro Y. - Complete
Dear Writers of FanFiction: Burn In Hell reviews
Love but not really , Alex Rider.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 468 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/5/2011 - Alex R./Cub - Complete
Weatherman Lied reviews
He said it would be sunny today. He lied. Now Lucy is stuck in the rain without an umbrella. Who does she vent out on? Will be a series of shorts
Elfen Lied - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,034 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/15/2011 - Published: 10/8/2010 - Lucy / Nyu
When They're Drunk reviews
Is Rika seriously allowed to drink alcohol? Short, not really meant to be funny.
Higurashi/Umineko series - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 239 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/3/2011 - Rika F., Hanyu F. - Complete
Maka Had A Baby! reviews
Pure Crack. Remember in the anime when Soul burst out of Maka's tummy? Well, this is based off of that. Don't kill me!
Soul Eater - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 319 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/3/2011 - Soul Eater, Maka A. - Complete