The name is Akuji. I mean every word my username says, so there you go people. I am of the female gender. The best way to describe me is randomly dark. I have black hair that looks red in the light, and dark eyes surrounded by my proof of not sleeping well at night. I do hate sleep, with the nightmares that come with it. I'm not really of the humor type, but can make people laugh when they are blue. I got tired of just staring at an empty screen, so now I'm going to start publishing stories, if my slow computer lets me. If I do manage to publish, I do hope you enjoy them.

Don't go to sleep. Stay here, with me, awake. Don't close your eyes. You can keep them open, right? Why fight to keep them closed? Don't sleep the statistical one third of your life asleep! Keep the light on in your attic, the music playing on your stereo, the fog-machine on in your basement. Play and live until you literally can't keep your eyes open! Then sleep. But for now...please, stay awake. It's 2 A.M. The streets are dead and silent, a beautiful silence. Why don't you come and take a walk with me? A night awake is best spent with somebody who can share memories with you. So let's walk. Come on, won't you take my hand? Trust me, I won't lead you astray. It's only forever for awhile.

Interview:

Q-What is your favorite color?

A- Silver and black

Q-Would you rather kill Luke or push Rachel Elizabeth Dare off a cliff?

A- Kill Luke

Q-If you could be in any cabin at Camp Half-Blood which one would it be?

A- Ares

Q-If you could have any superpower what would it be?

A- To bring things back to life or to kill them by a single touch

Q-Favorite Twilight quote?

A- "This series sucks, why did I bother to read it any??" by me

Q-Favorite Song

A- El Perdedor

Q-Favorite food?

A- Pepperoni Pizza

Q-If you could date any character who would it be?

A- Uh, that's a toughy...

Q-Night or Day?

A- Night

Q- If you could be king of the world for 30 seconds what would you do?

A- Order eveyone to... That's a hard one... I dunno???

Q- What's your personality like?

A- Don't think I should answer that one...

Q- What was the last thing you thought?

A- This is going to be hard

Q- Say George Bush. What is the first thing that comes to your mind?

A- Old Guy/President

Q- Who is the most special person to you

A- My BFFL BloodsuckerHater

Q- Scariest moment of your life?

A- I dunno... what kind of question is that? Every moment of a person's life is a scary moment, because you don't know what is next...

Q- One word that would best describe you?

A- Dark

Q- What does your user name mean?

A- It means exactly what it says, exactly, word for word.

Q- What is your favorite Disney movie?

A- Cars

Q- Have you ever been in a fight?

A- Verbal, or physical? 'Cause it's a yes for both.

Q- Biggest fear?

A- Death and being lost

If you:

love to read and act crazy,

laugh and have fun,

ignore people who call you names or think you are less than them,

are always there to help your friend in their greatest time of need,

run bare foot through the grass just for the joy of the sea of cold green that tickles you feet,

spend as much time outside as you do reading or on the computer,

are a night owl who hardly sleeps,

act weird and crazy just to scare other people or make them laugh with you,

then we would be great friends. :D Copy and paste this in your profile if this is you.^

GoNe InSaNe... Be BaCk LaTeR

I`m back...from the Mental Hospital (Hey! I`m not insane!)

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you.

If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9.

If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later

and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

95 of 100 people would go nuts if Edward Cullen jumped off a building.
4 would yell JUMP.
If you are the 1 that would push him, copy this and paste it and put it on your profile

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you almost always have a song stuck in your head, copy and paste this into your profile

If your family worries about you because of your 'homicidal tendencies', then copy and paste this to your profile and come and meet up with Nny, Micah, and Nav!

If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If everytime you hear the word rum, you automatically think of Captain Jack Sparrow, put this on your profile!

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

If you think Invader Zim should kick Sponge Bob's yellow square ass post this in your profile.

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have been called a "weirdo" at least once in your life and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombe and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. If you're one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your rear end off copy this to your profile.

If you think the school week is way too long and weekends are way too short, copy this onto your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who would go to a book store, read everything, then leave if you had that sort of time, then copy and paste this to your profile!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, repost this in your profile.

If you LOVE tacos copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think you should be able to watch what you want on TV without being called immature, repost this in your profile.

If you believe in doing what you love, no matter what other people might think, repost this in your profile.

If you like GIR, repost this in your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, repost this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, repost this in your profile. (...I lost...)

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, repost this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, repost this in your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, repost this in your profile.

If you have your own little world, repost this in your profile.

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you like to write, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity

92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombe and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. If you're one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your rear end off copy this to your profile.

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't ignore it because the Bible says that If you deny Me, I will deny you in front of My Father and the glory of Heaven.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE

If you get bored easily post this on your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever really wanted to give a certain cartoon character a hug, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you like to write, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

Admitting that you're weird means you're normal. Saying that you're normal is odd. I you admit that you're weird and like it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I walk, talk, eat and sleep on earth, but I live my life in a completely different world." If this sentence describes you, copy and paste on your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you're a human that thinks humans in general are stupid, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you feel that half your day is spent being bored copy this onto your profile.

If you have no idea what people are talking about yet you pretend that you do, copy and paste this on your profile.

Copy and paste this to your profile if you want a taco (GIMME MAH TACO XD)

If you have ever been told a joke, not gotten it, and then burst out laughing half an hour later when you actually got it, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you dare to say the Dark Lord's name, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you've ever randomly burst into song, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you don't care that watching cartoons is considered immature, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, copy & paste this into your profile. :)

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your one of those people who can literally stay on the computer for hours on in if only you weren't forced to get off, then copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have been accused of being weird, random, and crazy, copy this into your profile.

If you have been called a "weirdo" at least once in your life and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are one of the few teens who don't have or want to have a myspace/facebook, copy and paste this into your profile.

If every time you hear the word rum, you automatically think of Captain Jack Sparrow, put this on your profile!

If you are a chocoholic copy this into your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you have ever run up or down an escaltor and SUCCEDED in getting to the top or bottom, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're one of those people who would go to a book store, read everything, then leave if you had that sort of time, then copy and paste this to your profile!

If you have admitted to being a nerd and then saying "And I’m damn proud of it!" copy and paste this into you profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

ONE FOR THE GIRLS!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Man: You're eyes, they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy this onto your site and help stop racism

Some of my favorite JTHM quotes

Nny- "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BACTINE?!"

Nny- "Two nights ago, I was taking a walk at night, and this little chihuahua started following me!!! GODDAMMIT, IT KNEW!! I ran, and finally lost it, and made it home!!! But it KNEW!! IT KNEWWWW!!"

Nny- "I'm going over the stars."

Nny- "Why are people so... unpleasant? Honestly, it's so difficult to truly care about so many things without, first, knowing the answers to some of the most fundamental, mind ravaging questions! How can one possibly respect the existence of something, people in this case, when that something seems to defy respect? They do such trivial things, and find amusement, even up to "so-called" maturity, in the incessant mistreatment of their own kind." (I absolutely LOVE that line! It's so TRUE!)

Nny- "Mom! Cherry Freezy!! I smile!!!"

Nny- "I was just going to pass this place by, in favor of the dance club up the street. I'll do the club tomorrow."

Nny- "Smiles, everybody! SMILES!!"

Nny- *pant pant pant* guy-"LOOK, he's stopping!!" lady-"Maybe he's realizing the horrors he's just committed!!!" Nny-"No... No, the CD's skipping... Wait... Wait... Okay, there it goes."

Nny- "Todd? I like "Squee" better."

Nny- "Um, well, you better get going. It's Tuesday, and you know what that means- UFO's!! RUUUN!"

Nny- "Does the light even exist anymore when the refrigerator door is shut?!"

Guy- "Oh God!" Nny-"Shut up! You're here for a reason!! Serve your purpose!!" Guy-"But I didn't do anyth..." Nny-"SHUT UP!! I've some questions for you. You will answer truthfully!! You lie... and I cut your filthy throat. Is this milk still good?" Guy-"Huh?! *ssip, sip* Uh... yeah." Nny-"This lettuce! How crisp is it? How crisp, GODDAMMIT?!" Guy-"It's fine!" Nny-"These fudge-pops! Freezer burn?! FREEZER BURN?! Guy-"Umm..." Nny-"EAT THE FUCKING WEENIE!!! Guy-"Mmph... It tastes okay." Nny-"Whew! Thanks. I haven't cleaned out my fridge in a while, and, well... you know."

Nny- "Just like I detest that fucking cream filling in a twinkie!"

Nny- "Well, g'night! Don't let the flesh eating demon bed babies’ bite!!"

Nny- "Hey, it didn't fire the gun! I am SO lucky!! I..." P-boy-*IRK!* "It wasn't on to begin with, you idiot!" Mr. Eff- "Hee! Hee!!”

Nny- "Hey... your head looks like a potato."

Nny- "Oh my God... it's GOD!"

Nny- "Do you have any idea what's going on down there?!! Hideous things! People are suffering, and people like... well... ME, -heh- are running around!! Suicide, genocide!! People are killing MOOSE!! You buy a video game system, and a better one comes out in a month!!! POWDERED EGGS?!!! Self esteem is so low, girls are buyin WONDER BRAS!!! Do you see!? DO YOU?"

Nny- "WHEEEE!!"

Nny- "Yes, yes, yes, I'm the one that's been killing all those people, but I'm also the creative force behind Happy Noodle Boy, so forgive me and shut up."

Nny- "MY GOD!! Are you kidding!? I've always dreamed of having SUPER POWERS!!! This is just too much to resist. I HAVE HEAD EXPLODY!"

Nny- "It's okay! I'm alright! I think my spine has exploded, but I'm fine."

Nny- "I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... But I can't help but look forward to where it's going."

Nny- 'Damn! Hell makes a yummy bagel.'

Nny- 'That was memorable...'

Nny- "A cheerleader! PURE EVIL!!" (I could not agree more!)

Nny- "I reeeally like frooty pops..."

Nny- "Wouldn't it be funny if I shoved a knife up through the mattress. Hee."

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

You live off of sugar and caffine

People think you're insane.

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then dissappear off the face of the earth the next.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. (ZIM STYLE!)

You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

18. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.

"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more.

25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES.

"If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay."

26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

I'm someone people like to talk to. I'm not popular nor unpopular. I have some friends. Reading is what I do best. It is my passion. When I come home I read, during school I read and walking down the street I read.When I read a book I am caught up on it for a long period of time. I have to read it again. I wish am in the book. I'm different and I like it. I like who I am and don't judge myself to harshly. I am the kind of girl who doesn't need a guy to complete her. I am the kind of girl who talks to herself when there is no one else to talk to. I am the kind of girl who would rather read than do athletics.

I am that girl,

The one who likes books more than boys.

The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy

The one who always wonders what she did wrong

The one who writes to escape

The one who just wants to help

The one that really wants to make a difference

The one that sticks to her values

The one that refuses to believe that this is it

The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow

The one who won't give in

The one won't give up

-by linguisticsrock, Copy and Paste if you can relate to this.

Random Sayings:

Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it.

Remember that all actions have reactions... (You don't wanna know why I put this in here, believe me!)

When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"

While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?"

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

Last night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I thought to myself... "Where the heck is my ceiling!?"

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; its already tomorrow in Australia.

OMG THERE'S A FLOOD! "It's all cool I got my sham-wow"

My mom is afraid of the people in hot topic, my dad scares them!

World Domination? There's an app for that

I always wanted my last words to be "What does this button do??!"

"So what your saying is, your planning to take over the world with an army of ferrets?..." "... Yeah pretty much."

Ask me about my tendency to fly into homicidal rage when people ask me about things

I like you, so when the world is mine your death shall be quick and painless

The only thing to fear is fear itself... and spiders, FUCK SPIDERS!

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" *opens phone* "Hi mommy"

YES, I am eating invisible ice cream. NO, you may not have some.

YOU! Off my planet! NOW!

Stop destroying the planet! Its where I keep my stuff...

Life's SHORT! Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, and never regret anything that once made you smile.

I may look calm now, but in my head I've killed you three times...

I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads.

I don't need your attitude, I have my own.

I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.

You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!"

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid

A day without sunshine is like...Night.

A rejected invention: Instant water! Just add water!

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

When asked why you are drinking in the early hours of the morning, reply "A wise man once said it's five'o'clock somewhere."

Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

There's a dead body in your basement!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised we lied about the cookies?

Come to the light side. We have PUDDING!

Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, but we ran out of pudding.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Love without friendship is like a house with no foundation.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Danger: HIGH VOLTAGE. If you can convince that drunk guy over there to pee on this fence, you are in for some serious laughs.

A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

Dora is only teaching kids to be stupid, I mean, c'mon, any normal kid could see the giant mountain that is. RIGHT. THERE. BEHIND THEM!!!!

We get it. You're the map. Why don't you say it again in case we didn't hear you?!?!?!?!

There is no I in TEAM but there is a ME in AWESOME (But yet there is also a we in awesome)

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. To them you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

If you can’t stand the heat, don’t tickle the dragon.

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

He broke my heart. I broke his jaw.

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A SQUIRREL!

I don’t obsess! I think intensely.

Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes I just don't show up.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Excuse me... Have you seen my sanity? ... I think I lost it

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a spork

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

You know it's a bad day when you roll off the bed...and miss the floor.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you are all the same.

I'm the kind of person who walks into a door then apologizes.

Don't look at me in that tone!

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

Strangers stab you in the front, friends stab you in the back, boyfriends stab you in the heart, but best friends poke you with bendy straws.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. (Stupid psychiatrist or as my freinds INSIST I call her a CONCELER [FEEL THE DOOM CAN YA FEEL IT HUH HUH?] )

Help I've fallen and I can’t...hey nice carpet!

Whoever said nothings impossible never tried to nail jell-o to a tree!

The problem is, I'm not goth or emo... I'M MEXICAN!!!

I'm like time... I can't be stopped.

I'm not antisocial. I just can't stand people.

I'm sarcastic, always, and I love it.

To attract men, wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

They say "Guns don't kill people; People kill people", but I think guns help. If you just stood there and yelled "BANG!!!", I don't think you would kill too many people.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face.

(Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in History class.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.

It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn!

Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone

My Greatest Quotes (at least I think so)

“If you want me to shut up you're gonna have to kill me, and I don't think that'll be happening any time soon."

"If I mean it, I say it, if I don't, I’m bluffing."

"I'd do it just to annoy you, but then again, it wouldn’t be funny the second time around."

"Oh come on, stop talking about yourself, you know you're uglier than that."

"I wasn't bluffing, I was trying to scare him, and it looked like it worked."

"If I’m dumb, you're a hippopotamus."

"I've died and went to hell if you can fly, seriously."

Friends:

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (A.K.A: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'It’s because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you've had enough
BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste"

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!!

...().()...().()...()...()
...(0.0)..(0.o)..(+'.'+)
...( _ ).c(")(").(")_(")

Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies...and ice cream!)

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join, add this list to your profile):

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate, marshmallows, and ice cream too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny! (It’s so cuteeee!!!)
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body! (I love the hoods!!!)
4. You get a really cool, crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA, cough, cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!
7. Money, Money, Money: Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. WORLD DOMINATION! Most PWNZORS reason!

This isn't a chain letter, but this story is so touching. Please take time to read. You don't have to, though. :P

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
and if you stand up 4 him he will stand up for you.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or
2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son, John

P.S. - Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

SOMEBODY'S RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT!

One Nation, 'Under Allah.'
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a
classroom. The teacher was going to explain
evolution to the children. The teacher asked
a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes..
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see
if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay (He returned a few minutes later)
Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God up there?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see
God because he isn't there. Possibly he just
doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl
asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we
were taught today in school, she possibly
may not even have one!
(You Go Girl!)FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT'

Mummy, Johnny brought a gun to school.
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "Mummy I love you"

In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices
1) Repost and show you care
2) Ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart

(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

The Stupid Test! Put an x next to the one that is you, than in the end, add up all of the x's. If you have 21 or less, than you are not stupid. (P.S. this is not a real test, just something for fun!)

(x) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.

Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were not talking.

You have run into a glass/screen door.

(x) You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

(x) You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.

~total= 3

You have run into a tree.

It IS possible to lick your elbow

You just tried to lick your elbow.

You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same rhythm.

You just tried to sing them.

(x) You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.

(x) You have choked on your own spit.

You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.

You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice

You just looked at it.

Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde/has blonde in it.

(x) People have called you slow.

~total so far= 6

(x) You have accidentally caught something on fire

You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.

(x) You have caught yourself drooling.

(x) You’ve fallen asleep in class

If someone says “fart” you laugh.

You just laughed.

~total so far= 9

(x) Sometimes you just stop thinking

(x) You tell a story and forget what you were talking about

People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you

(x) You are often told to use your “inside voice”.

You use your fingers to do simple math.

~total so far= 12

You have eaten a bug.

(x) You are taking this test when you should be doing something important

(x) You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it

(x) You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand, pocket, head, etc.

~total so far= 15

(x) You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.

(x) You break a lot of things.

Your friends know not to use big words around you

(x) You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused

(x) You have fallen out of your chair before

(x) When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

~Total all together= 20

HAHAHA! I'm not stupid... by one point. OH WHY!?!?!

YOUR GUY SIDE:

(x)You love hoodies.

(x)You love jeans.

(x)Dogs are better than cats.

(x)It's hilarious when people get hurt.

(x)You've played with/against boys on a team.

(x)Shopping is torture.

Sad movies suck.

(x)You own/ed an X-Box.

(x)Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.

At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.

(x)You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.

You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

(x)You watch sports on TV.

(x) Gory movies are cool.

You go to your dad for advice.

You own like a trillion baseball caps.

You like going to high school football games.

You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.

(x)Baggy pants are cool to wear.

(x)It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

(x)Green, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.

(x)You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

Sports are fun.

(x)Talk with food in your mouth.

(x)Sleep with your socks on at night

TOTAL: 17

YOUR GIRL SIDE

You wear lip gloss/chapstick.

You love to shop.

You wear eyeliner.

You wear the color pink

(x)Go to your mom for advice.

You consider cheerleading a sport.

You hate wearing the color black.

You like hanging out at the mall.

You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

(x)You like wearing jewelry. (Just my rings, and I’m considering to get brass rings…)

Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe

Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

You don't like the movie Star Wars.

(x)You were in gymnastics/dance.

It takes you around/ more one hour to shower.

You smile a lot more than you should.

You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

You care about what you look like.

You like wearing dresses when you can.

You love the movies.

(x) Used to play with dolls as little kid.

Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.

Like being the star of every thing.

TOTAL: 4

7 Ways to Scare the Shit out of Your Roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate with a sadistic look and mutter, "Soon...soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you’re hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

Repost this if you think you are going to do it!

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed, or if you plan on doing any of those things (:

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."