Author has written 8 stories for Nikita, Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, Pretty Little Liars, and Merlin.
The sorting hat says that I belong in Slytherin!
Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest."
Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry's nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort.
Take the most scientific Harry Potter
IMPORTANT: All my fanfics are on hiatus from now on! I apologize, but I can't write for you anymore. Thank you for reading my stories, and I'm really sorry none of them will have an end.
Age? Almost of age.
Body? Brown eyes, wavy brown (now red) hair, pale white skin. 5'6. A little overweight.
Mind? Troubled. Depression, anxiety and probably some kind of psychosis. Emetophobia. GAD.
Favourite fandom? Harry Potter.
Something I want to read? Lord of the Rings.
Something I never want to read again? Twilight.
An instrument? The piano.
A song? Requiem - Mozart.
A possible dream? Spend a year in Europe.
A stupid dream? Have a blue eyed child.
Now, stupid stuff.
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Why Kay Finds Harry Potter Canon to be Deplorable:
1. Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts and Head of the Wizengamot – supposed genius – leaves an infant child on a doorstep in the middle of the night. Apparently, at over one hundred and forty years of age, Albus has never heard of bad weather, rabid dogs, or kidnappers.
2. Harry Potter is raised not knowing anything about the magical world. He is emotionally neglected, picked on by Dudley and Dudley's friends, ignored in Primary School, forced to be his family's slave, and is only allowed the scraps from their table. Rowling then says in an interview that Harry was never abused. If this had happened to a real child, they'd be subjected to years of therapy, rehabilitation, and nutritional supplements. However, apparently, these events are not something to be worried about.
3. Harry Potter, who has been neglected his whole life, always believes in the good of others, because clearly, no one would ever starve him, lock him in a cupboard, or do anything else that may be wrong. They just need to be loved and everything will work out well.
4. The Magical Society, which is supposedly superior to the Muggle one, sends people to Azkaban Prison without trials – even the Lord of one of their Noble and Ancient Houses. Dumbledore, all-seeing genius that he is, does nothing to get said prisoners a trial – interesting that.
5. Rowling introduces the idea of slavery, house-elves, and then makes it seem like a good thing. Why bother to clean your room or cook, when you can have someone else do it all for you, perfectly. Not only that, but the slaves should be punished and tortured in various ways if they do not perform up to standards.
6. Children are encouraged to do stupid and dangerous things. After all, they will be rewarded for doing so. Yes, it is a good idea to follow an adult past a three-headed dog into a dark pit; you'll win the House Cup! You should pull crazy stunts that can get you killed; it'll make you the youngest Seeker in a century!
7. Racism and the caste system are brought into play with the whole pure-blood vs. half-blood vs. Muggle-born mentality. I'm better than you because I'm rich, my dad has a good job, and our blood isn't filthy. Yes, please do give children cruel new names to call each other. I'm sure no one will think of saying 'Mudblood' to someone who pisses him or her off thinking the other won't know what it means.
8. Death Eaters greatly resemble the KKK. However, don't worry, it doesn't matter at all. Even if they're caught, all they have to do is lie and slip money to the crooked Politicians, and then everything will be okay again. Who cares if that Politician gets caught, a new crooked one will quickly take its place over and over. After all, they've already had someone under the Imperius, a lying money-grubber, and someone who broke his son out of prison and then used forbidden curses to control said son. Don't worry though, it is all for the greater good.
9. Hogwarts is supposedly the most secure place in all of wizarding Britain. The legendary four Founders set the wards, themselves. There is no possible chance at all that a Dark Lord, his said minions, spies, werewolves, or other Dark Creatures could possibly find their way onto the grounds to attack the students. In fact, the wards are so powerful that a group of Death Eaters couldn't just suddenly appear through a cabinet, completely bypassing said wards because there would certainly be wards that would detect magical objects that could bring danger to the school. Wouldn't there?
10. Professor Umbridge forces children to write with an illegal Blood Quill, even though she is part of the Ministry, and uses it to flay children's skin off their bodies and make them bleed. If the controversy over the magic itself didn't seem satanic to people, that probably did. However don't worry, she'll not be reported or punished for doing this, everything is fine in the wizarding world.
11. Unqualified and criminal teachers are hired to give their knowledge to the students because clearly, the premiere institution for magical learning would hire a possessed man, a fraud, a thief, a ghost, someone under Polyjuice, and an ex-Death Eater.
12. It creates a segregated and biased/prejudicial environment for children to be raised in. The moment they enter the school, they are sorted and placed in one of four houses. Those houses are then pitted against each other. Slytherins are automatically evil, Gryffindors are automatically good, Ravenclaws are instant geniuses-in-training, and Hufflepuffs should all be hexed, beaten up, and killed with snakes. For clearly, where you sleep at night makes you want to kill other people and take over the world.
13. Insufficient course material. How much of what they actually learn is worthwhile? What job could they possibly get that would require them to make a needle, or float a feather? If everyone is taught these same classes, where can they hope to go? The main jobs mentioned are: Shop Keeper, anyone could get that job, Ministry Lackey, what the hell do they actually do? Gringotts Employee, goblins and curse breakers only, dragon keeper, how would the school classes apply here? Quidditch Star, that seems like a limited profession, Journalist, a Quick-Quotes Quill could write the whole damn thing for you, Dark Lord, spot taken, and Hero, spot taken. Apparently, if you want to be a Hero all you need to know is the Expelliarmus Spell, which is taught to twelve-year-olds. Ah, and the infamous Aurors – who apparently need to know how to brew potions during the middle of a raid.
14. Rowling announces that Dumbledore is homosexual, and was lovers with Grindelwald. He then became famous after defeating and imprisoning, though we are led to believe it was murdering, his gay lover. How wonderful! Killing gay people will make you famous, just the message we need to spread in a society that is already full of hate and prejudice.
15. Lastly, Kay hates Canon Harry Potter because it contradicts itself and leaves an endless series of plot holes.
- Why didn't the Order just use Veritaserum to figure out who the damn traitor was?
- If Voldemort hates Mudbloods, why in the world would he offer Lily Potter a chance to live?
- Why wasn't the Potters' Will ever read? James was a pure-blood, surely he would have had one.
- In eleven years, how could no one from the magical world have found Harry Potter living in Surrey? Ah, I've been informed he saw 'funnily dressed' people -- and shall assume those people are magical. Therefore, the question changes to: Why did no one ever sell his location?
- Why would Molly Weasley be talking about Muggles in a train station when she knows it would break the Muggle Secrecy Act? For that matter, why was she in the station at all? Why didn't she take the kids through the Floo, or by Portkey? Why would Molly Weasley be asking Ginny where the platform is, when she, herself, attended the school?
- If students are only allowed a cat, an owl, or a toad, why does Ron get to take Scabbers – a rat?
- The Forbidden Forest is supposedly that – forbidden. Yet, as eleven-year-olds, Harry, Draco, Hermione, and Neville are forced to serve detention in it. Uh huh. Right. Not only that, but they are under the care of a wandless man who has the magical education of a thirteen-year-old. In addition, this detention takes place in the middle of the night, and these children are looking for something that is killing Unicorns – lovely.
- Why were there no wards surrounding the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone to keep it safe?
- Why had no one, other than Voldemort, found the Chamber of Secrets in over a thousand years? Slytherin had descendants – did the Gaunts not attend Hogwarts then? Why did Slytherin put the entrance in a Girls Bathroom, and why was Tom in the bathroom? He had to have been in there to find it – unless someone just walked up to him one day and said, "Tom, you can talk to snakes, I thought you should know that there is one on a sink in the Girls' Bathroom on the second floor." In addition, Moaning Myrtle died after he opened the chamber, hence, the bathroom would have been in use. Did he have the Slytherin females take it over and keep watch for him or something?
- Why did no one – in the past – ever ask Moaning Myrtle how she died?
- On the Hogwarts Express, Remus Lupin rides in the same compartment as Ronald Weasley, who has Scabbers in his pocket. Yet, Lupin – werewolf extraordinaire – does not smell him at all.
- Dumbledore gives a thirteen-year-old girl, a Time Turner, which could drastically alter the past, present, and future, so that she can take extra classes.
- How does the Goblet of Fire, which was made solely for the Triwizard Tournament, accept Harry as being from a fourth school? Also, how in the hell can a piece of paper force you to compete in a competition that could kill you – especially when someone else could submit that piece of paper?
- Why wasn't Sirius expelled for almost getting Snape killed by tricking him to go out on the night of the full moon?
- Harry practically worships Sirius, and yet, he completely forgets about the present the man gave him so that they could speak with each other. Not only that, but Sirius never reminds him.
- Harry and his four friends manage to enter the Ministry of Magic, the British Government Headquarters, in the middle of the night, with ease. Where the hell did all the Ministry staff go that they only arrived in the middle of the duel with Voldemort, anyway? Some resort?
- Harry and those four friends, then proceed to outwit and out-duel several members of the Inner Circle – who have not only graduated from Hogwarts, but have also had years to hone their dueling skills. The evil fiends would never kill their Lord's archenemy and just steal the prophecy, because Slytherins are not cunning at all, they bluntly demand for things like a Gryffindor.
- Harry is apparently unable to defeat Voldemort until he's lost everything. However, everything only means the good characters, like: Sirius, Severus, Hedwig, Dobby, and Fred. Hermione and Ron are unable to die, because that would ruin the sexual tension she's been building between them for over 2,000 pages.
- Harry gets married off to the biggest Mary-Sue of all. Then, he has a child and names it Albus Severus – sadly, I think Severus Albus would have been even worse.
Of course, Harry can't have given his children normal names. He must name them after dead loved ones – well, in Lily Luna's case not ALL dead – because that is the only way he can remember them. Of course, Ginny must have another bun in the oven; perhaps he shall be named Remus Dobby? Or Alastor Fred? No, wait, it might be a girl. What about Nymphadora Hedwig?
- Rowling continues to change and alter canon years after the books have been completed. According to the Weasley family tree she released, Percy doesn’t marry his fiancée Penelope and George marries his dead twin’s girlfriend. And let's not forget that Charlie remains the bachelor uncle. Obviously, because we only meet him in three books, and very briefly at that, he will never take on a lover because anyone with less than one full chapter devoted to them will die old and alone.
That's why we have AU's!
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't ever been asked out. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15, Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, my name is paper YAH, Sakurablossom24, Rhianna224, Kisa T. Sohma, Lone-wolf761,charmed4lifekaren, Princess Marauder, WisdomWriter25, Lady Slytherin of Camelot,
THE MORSE CODE:
ELECTION - RESULTS:
A DECIMAL POINT:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: