Poll: Who should Trix/Bella end up with? Vote Now!
Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Twilight, and Avengers.
I live in Australia, I love to read and write stories. I get some of my ideas from various other authors, so if it is recognizable then i most likely don't own it. well that is all please read stories and comment/review. Vote on my poll PLEASE!!!!!! :P
i found this today on someones profile and i laughed at how much sense it made:
One bright morning,
In the middle of the night,
Two dead boys came out to fight.
They stood back to back
And faced each other
Drew their swords
And shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise
And came to kill
Those two dead boys.
If you dont believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man, he saw it too!
AKA: none at all :P
All the different lines Minerva McGonagall has made students write:
"If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!"
"I will not tell everyone that I overheard my sister saying, 'So I was like, 'Avada Kadavra!' and he was like, 'Dead.' "
"I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling."
"I will not call Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret."
"Remus Lupin does NOT want a flea collar!"
"I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort."
"I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month."
"I will not say 'dude, get a life' to the Dark Lord."
this is so true
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
"I will not ask Professor Snape why he stole Batman's cape."
"I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book.
"I will not spread rumors saying, 'When Voldemort goes to bed he checks his closet for Mrs. Weasley.' "
"I will not tell Penelope Clearwater that Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it dances naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."
"I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard!" when sent to the headmasters office."
"I will not send You-Know-Who a letter saying, 'I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!' "
"Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda."
"I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class"
"If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm."
"I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand."
"I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing."
"I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens."
"I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals."
"I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween"
"I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Paris Hilton."
I luv this it ake me crack up every time
So You Want To Be A Death Eater: Your Guide To Everything Evil!
Greetings, new follower:
If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.
Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).
The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.
Yours in infamy,
So You Want To Be A Death Eater?
Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.
List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:
(Equipment marked must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)
Long Black Robes (Casual)
Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).
Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian
Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.
Death Eater Rules:
No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore.
Frequently Asked Questions:
What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?
As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:
Being slowly eaten by a manticore.
What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?
Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.
What is the salary like?
You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.
Does the Dark Mark hurt?
Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?
Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?
No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.
But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)
Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?
You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.
Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?
Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.
What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?
This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.
The Death Eater Anthem
(To be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.
Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?
Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.
However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:
Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.
Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.
If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)
Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).
Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.
If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.
Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.
Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.
Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.
Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.
Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.
Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.
Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).
Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.
Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.)
Some one was really bored or ingenious
THE MORSE CODE :
ELECTION - RESULTS:
A DECIMAL POINT:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
Being mature is overrated.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.
Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why.
Be insane . . . because well behaved girls never made history.
If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?
Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . .
We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But we teenage girls are good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.
Life was so simple when boys had cooties!
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A SQUIRREL!
I love that :)
Really Dumb Store labels:
On a Myer hairdryer:
On a bag of
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
On some frozen dinners:
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what? Under water use?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
I found this one today:
On a packet of wiskers cat food: Pet food only (And I would eat cat food why?)
I heard this today:
There are two kinds of people in this world that i hate: Racist People... and Black People
There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who can count and thoes who can't
more wird quote thingos
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive
Whoever said anything is possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, cherish the memories, ignore the pain, love and learn, forget and forgive because you only have one life to live.
You know something sad I know more about Harry Potter than Australian History.
"I am never, ever, going to make things easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it."
“You idiot” Annabeth said, which was how I knew she was overjoyed to see me conscious.
“It’s stopped raining.” “It’s been known to do that”
Out side of a dog a book is a mans best friend. Inside a dog it’s to dark to read
Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
You say Twilight
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out of its nose?
Who was the first person who looked at a cow and say "I think I will squeeze those dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
If everything seems to be going well, you’ve obviously overlooked something.
Of course I’m talking to myself! Who else can I trust?
Don’t mess with me- I’ve got a stick and I’m not afraid to hit you with it.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
children... you spend 2 years teaching them how to walk and talk, you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
I couldn't fix your brakes so I made your horn louder
and there is more...
It's funny how 'hello' is always accompanied with 'goodbye'.
It's funny how good memories always make you cry.
It's funny how forever never seems to really last.
It's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot your past.
It's funny how ''friends'' can just leave you when you're down.
It's funny how you need someone they're never around.
It's funny how people forgive, even they can't forget.
It's funny how much one night can contain so much regret.
It's funny how ironic life turns out to be. But the funniest part of all? None of that's is funny to me
I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
Perfection is a waste of time.
Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work? Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
I blame my attitude on videogames
There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face
Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler
I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.
Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit
Tired of living and scared of dying
Scared to remember, terrified to forget
I hear your silence loud and clear
Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.
Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?
How can i miss you if you never left?
I'm not with stupid anymore!
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends (and boyfriend!)
Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable
Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.
Boys are like knives, usefull but they'll cut you eventually. (cough, cough Edward cough, cough)
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you push the wrong button you'll be disconected
there are about 6,602,2224,175 people in the world, so when you tell someone they are one in a million you are saying that there are over 6,000 people just like them.
The Flushing Toliet was invented by Sir John Harington in 1596.
the 1918 spanish flu originated in kansas not spain.
Most dust particals in your house are made up of dead skin.
One average 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year. (lesson don't chew on your pen)
A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey
Nothing is to small to know, and nothing is to big to attempt
If you are losing tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope.
When I was born I was so suprised I didn't speak for a year and a half! - Gracie Allen
Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power - Eric Hoffer
What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do - John Ruskin
Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing - Abe Lincoln
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power - Abe Lincoln
Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?
Even on the road to hell flowers can make you smile.
Only dead fish swim with the stream.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Take my advice I never use it.
of all the things i've lost i miss my mind the most
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Al Einstein
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Al Einstein
"Only those who risk going to far can possibly find out how for one can go."- T.S. Elliot
"Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it" - Ben Franklin
If all the world's a stage, then I want to operate the trap door.
eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth just leaves you with a bunch of toothless blind people-- Tony, NCIS
My name is Athony Dinozzo. My friends call me Tony which spelled back words is Y Not-- Tony, NCIS
Everything matters! - Marshal, In Plain Sight
When stuck between two evils i go with the one i've never tried before
A brave man dies one death but a coward dies a thousand.
If common sense was common nearly everyone would have it
Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a
Every saint has a PAST...
POLICE # 1
POLICE # 2
The Old Italian Firefighters
One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate 50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now 100,000 to the fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone 's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outsidethe plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had exti nguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to 200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!"
Anyone notice that Obama's campaign slogon "Yes we can!" Is very similar to Bob the Builder? -- "Can we fix it? Yes we can!"
6 truths of life
1- You cannot touch all of your top teeth with your tongue
2- All Idiots, after reading the first truth, will try
3- And discovered that the first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it
4- You're smiling now because you're an idiot
5- You soon will paste it on your profile for other idiots
6- There is still a stupid smile on your face
Repost if you are an idiot like me!