Author has written 15 stories for Anime X-overs, Ninja Turtles, Bionicle, Pokémon, Animaniacs, Superman, Cheaper by the Dozen, Digimon, Captain America, Sonic the Hedgehog, My Little Pony, Fire Emblem, and Project X Zone.
Hi, I'm comicfan616, but you can call me CF. Some things about me:
Now for some things I don't like:
For those of you who want to read my stuff, a little note:
What are you going to read? Depends on what I feel like, mostly action/adventure stuff. No romances, though (sorry to all you shippers out there), but there might be some rare, light cases. Maybe a few random things here and there. We'll see. And there won't be any AUs, ATs, or whatever you want to call them; I want to preserve the integrity of the respective media as much as I can. (i.e. no Ash Ketchum becoming a bad guy, Harry Potter w/o magic, White Witch wins, etc.).
UPDATE: Due to a failure of keeping up with Action Anime Brawl, I have set up a new policy in which I will not post any new story unless it is completed. Exceptions may be applied when the nature of the story requires updates on the fly.
Because of this new policy, Action Anime Brawl is officially on semi-hiatus, with updates bing very infrequent. My apologies for any inconvience this may cause.
Now for some random stuff:
#10: Jessie/James/Meowth: Why not? They're the anime's main antagonists, appearing in just about every episode since EP002 (episode 2 for all you newbies). They have an ambition (catch Pikachu), and they have so many mechas I'm surprised they don't max out their credit cards. But whether or not we can call them villains is under debate. After all, they're incompetent, having every scheme literally blowing up in their faces. Also, they spend as much time fighting each other as they do Ash and Co. Finally, they've actually teamed up with our heroes more times than I can count, and sometimes the reasons for doing so aren't even all that selfish. Still, you can't have a list of villains without having these guys. (Meowth, that's right!)
#9: Annie/Oakley from Pokemon Heroes: Unlike the last Team Rocket group, these ladies are a real threat. Their moves are so swift and silent, you never notice them until it's too late. And once they activate the Defense Mechanism of Alta Mare, look out. However, they don't always see eye to eye. Oakley wants to be in control in everything they do, and Annie's motto is, "Diamonds, and Soul Dews, are a girl's best friend." And once their plan went badly, they were too busy arguing to even jump out of the DMA before it snapped shut. But for style, grace, and a brilliant plan in mind, these two definitely deserve a spot here.
#8: Cassidy/Botch (IT'S BUTCH!): These two are probably the best duo that Team Rocket has to offer. They're threatening and they don't waste too much time fighting each other when something goes wrong. And the fact that they wear official Team Rocket uniforms means they're in the bigger leagues than the Team Rocket we know and love. At first, their work was in covert operations (like day care), then they started working for Professor Nimrod (IT'S NAMBA!) [Yeesh, there's two of 'em.] who finds ways to use Pokemon's abilities for evil purposes. But if three kids around their teens can take them, there's not much to worry about. But for besting even our favorite Team Rocket members, these two are definitely in my top ten.
#7: Giovanni: We all knew this was coming. The leader of all the groups we've listed thus far. Giovanni is not only the Kingpin of the Pokemon world, but hardly anyone knows about it, instead considering him one of the toughest Gym Leaders in Kanto, not that it isn't true. His vision: exploit the powers of Pokemon to create a large empire, extending even into other regions when he gets the opportunity. Still, even in the games, he and, by extension, Team Rocket aren't really terrible bad guys. They're all just thieves and mischief-makers. They don't even have an overarching agenda. Still, for making Team Rocket the threat to Kanto, Giovanni gets #7 on this top ten.
#6: Viscious, AKA the Iron-Masked Maruader from Pokemon 4ever: Now I know what you're thinking. "Wait a minute. How could a member of Team Rocket surpass even his leader?" Try the fact that this guy makes the Pokemon he catches pure evil, which, if it isn't supposed to be possible, is an amazing feat. And once he catches Celebi, you can bet he's going to go crazy with this new power. He gets so powerful, he even wants to overthrow Giovanni. Now that's ambition. But like all Team Rocket members, he's easily put away, and by someone who doesn't even know what a modern-day Poke Ball looks like. His actions even almost kill Celebi in one of the saddest moments of the anime. That's why he's here in #6.
#5: Lawrence III from Pokemon the Movie: 2000: This guy is just nuts. True, he's not evil in that he wants some form of domination over the Pokemon world. In fact, battling is the last thing he wants to do. To him, Pokemon aren't friends or even tools as most villains would have you believe. Nope, they're merely collectors' items. Not only does he give the card collectors a bad name, but he's also stupid. When reading the legend of Shamouti, he translates the "Beast of the Sea," the massive undersea current, to mean Lugia, and that the "treasures combined" means bringing together the bird trio to summon it. He doesn't realize his actions could end up destroying the world as we know it (or didn't he read the part that said "Disturb not the harmony of fire, ice, and lightning... thus the earth shall turn to ash?"). Nope, all he cares about is completing his collection. Hey, buddy, I got some advice: stick to coins from now on, okay? Obsessive collector who gets in everyone's way, Lawrence III makes it halfway down the top ten.
#4: Team Magma: From Generation III onward, the villainous teams in the games began to get serious. They now wanted more than to just take over the world; they wanted to change it. Team Magma's goal was to expand the world's landmass. Maxie, the leader, is an interesting character. In the anime, when he gets intruders, he doesn't yell at his subordinates for their incompetence or to haul the trespassers to the brig. Instead, he invites them into his office for a little chat. He's even willing to negotiate with the enemy to further his own goals. But although it sounds better than the alternative, Magma's goal could still ruin the ecosystem. And let's not forget that it was them who tried to make a volcano blow its top. And once Groudon's free, hoo boy. Bad ideas, good morals, dangerous tactics, Maxie and Team Magma take 4th place.
#3: Team Aqua: "Wouldn't it make more sense to put both Magma and Aqua together?" you ask. Uh... no. Here's the lowdown: Archie doesn't just dress like a pirate for the fun of it, he petty much lives it. The anime's Archie would rather make a deal now, then stab you in the back later, like he did with Maxie in freeing the captured Kyogre before their scheduled swap. And when he controls Kyogre, don't think he'll feel remorse anytime soon. Plus, the idea of expanding the oceans makes Magma's plans look better and better. Aqua is ruthless and will do anything to get what they want. This makes them a real danger, though not as dangerous as others, such as...
#2: Pokemon Hunter J: "J is for JERK!" >:-( Out of all the villains Pokemon has seen, this is the one I hate. Lawrence III may just collect Pokemon, but Pokemon hunters are almost the lowest of all time. When J sees a Pokemon, she sees a price tag, and the higher the number, the more likely she is to use her specialized arm cannon to turn it into a statue, at least until it's in the hands of the highest bidder. And she's not shy about swiping a Pokemon that already belongs to someone else. At least the hunter from Pokemon 4ever was only after a wild Celebi. And when she's in a battle, even the trainer can get hurt, courtesy of Salamence and Drapion. Even her own henchman aren't safe when she decides they'd be in the way. No morals, no mercy, no conscience, Pokemon Hunter J. "Who could be worse?" That leads us to..
#1: Team Galactic: Out of all the villains, listed and otherwise, these guys are the scariest, and not just because they dress funny. These guys don't say anything to anyone. They keep to themselves, leaving their intentions a mystery for most of the game. Not even Ash and Co. knew what these guys were truly up to. And even when you do find out about their plot, you wish for even Team Aqua to be the main baddies. Cyrus wants to destroy the existing world and create a new one in his image. Now if you don't find that threatening, go see a psychiatrist. Imagine these guys running Monsters INC: We scare and we don't care. To top it off, Cyrus could care less about what you're feeling about him, because he has no emotion, except perhaps anger when his plans go down the tube. Even with all this hostility, you can't help but feel sorry for Cthe guy. Scary, uncaring, and highly volatile, Team Galactic: the number one villain of Pokemon.
Hardest Video Games to Play:
#10: Mother 3: Now this game isn't necessarily hard in that the opponents are unnaturally tough (unless you name yourself Hard Mode). The "hard" part is simply unlocking one of the major easter eggs in the game. Certain gamers will try as hard as they can to look at the alternate views of the game's many enemies and get the trivia card items answered, all to unlock a hidden menu the translators found in the game's programming. This menu has information regarding the world of Mother 3, including the Seven Needles, a "hidden" stat, even enemies themselves. Okay, so maybe the game itself isn't too tough to beat, but for making the ultimate exclusive easter egg, it deserves a spot here.
#9: Pokemon (main series): One of my favorite games, and it can become very difficult. Sure, to the novice, it's easy: Pick your attack and watch the action (of course, despite what my brother would have you believe, strategy also counts). The difficult part, however, lies not in how you battle your opponent, but how you get to that point. It can take days to get your Pokemon up to the desired level, and evolution isn't always easy as 1, 2, 3. You sometimes have to know the when and which. Finally, you have to make your various items work at their most effective. But it's well worth it in the end. Making you work to make your battles work, Pokemon takes #9.
#8: Star Fox 64: The Star Fox series is great. My family even used to own this game, at least until we got rid of it. (What? I was the oldest at 10 years old and the idea of a final boss that eats your character wasn't really our idea of fun.) Again, this game's difficulty is not in its enemies, but in its story. The level you play ends up being determined by how well you played the previous one. If you can end up getting the right levels, you could end up with one of two final boss fights: either fight a fake android replica of Andross, or take on his true, brain-like form, which is the true ending. For making you work for the real story, Star Fox 64 takes the #8 spot.
#7: Star Fox Command: Poor Star Fox. Two games on this list, and they're both so close to each other. If Star Fox 64 was confusing, Command is a mess. Whereas 64 had two endings, on Command, you could watch the credits roll on one of nine. The game starts with Peppy Hare, now general of the Cornerian Army, narrating the final days of the Star Fox team. But if he could tell many different stories every time you started a new game, I have to wonder if he's growing senile in his old age. In addition to once again making you work for a desired ending (which a canonical ending is still TBA), you have to have extreme patience and understanding just to get it all. Confusing and not yet official, Star Fox Command makes #7.
Now, you're probably thinking, "Listen, CF, these games aren't really hard in the way everybody perceives hard. Give us some games that are really difficult." In that case, we start with...
#6: Super Mario Galaxy: I speak, of course, of the original (my sister won't let me play the sequel). Anyway, the idea of collecting 60 power stars, including all the Grand Stars, to get to Bowser is one thing. But to get all 120? I have tried and I still can't get past certain levels (e.g. the second Guppy level, Fiery Dino Pirhana, Boo races, Cosmic Mario, and others I don't know how to name). And when all that's done, your prize is... to do it all over again, this time as Luigi, who, although faster and a higher, longer jumper, has poor traction and a cosmic phony that takes advantage of shortcuts you didn't know existed. And when you collect all 240 stars for both characters, you finally get the chance to obtain one final star, whose purpose I still don't know. Hard time to harder time, I'm surprised most gamers don't just give it up.
#5: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: In addition to the same specs I mentioned in the previous Pokemon article, the Mystery Dungeon series adds a new layer of gameplay to the Pokemon mythos. The main goal of the game is to navigate your way through the respective "mystery dungeon" to the final floor, or wherever your target Pokemon happens to be. Simple, no? No. Because the layout of the dungeon is almost never the same way twice, so no memorization is involved. The stairs to the next floor could be anywhere. You might find them so quick, you're pretty much a square away; or you could end up searching the entire floor before you even see them. But, hey, that's why it's a mystery, and that's why it ranks #5.
#4: Mother: Unlike the third game in its series, this game does have hard enemies. The game doesn't start out hard, but when you start to scale Mt. Itoi, prepare for a beating. Tradition states that the game was nearing completion dangerously close to its deadline. When the time came to fill the mountain with monsters, Shigesato Itoi, the creator of the series (and whom the mountain is named after, obviously) reportedly said (in paraphrase), "Do whatever you want, just get it done." The result was enemies that were well above the level of our heroes (Ninten, Ana, Loid, and Teddy). I would suggest training in Magicant for a few days before ever going there. Nice work, Itoi. For creating an area that has a stark contrast to others in terms of power, Mother takes fourth place.
#3: The Adventures of Bayou Billy: How many of you have heard of this one? That's okay, I didn't actually know about it either until I started watching the Captain N series on YouTube. The premise of the game is that Billy, who lives in a swamp (obviously), finds out his girlfriend is kidnapped by a local mob boss. The game is basically what happens when you combine the Mario series and elements with first-person shooter and vehicle racing aspects into one game. But the game is pretty difficult. Even Captain N himself had a hard time beating this one. Okay, so maybe referencing a kid's fictional cartoon series that hasn't been seen since '91 isn't a good idea, but ScrewAttack put the game on a high spot in their "Top 10 Hardest NES Games" video. (Here's a link if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqBmmSLk_3I) For making a game that has actually been credited as one of the hardest, The Adventures of Bayou Billy almost makes it to the top. Almost.
#2: Metroid series: Out of all the games Nintendo has come up with, this is the most intriguing. The plot of the games are pretty good (my brother might even border it with H. G. Wells novels), and the main character, Samus Aran, was a big boost to the portrayal of women at the time. Even so, the games are known for one thing that I consider a step backwards: non-linear play. Except for possibly 2 games (Fusion and Other M [although I'm not yet sure about the latter]) much of the series requires the player to go back through areas they've previously visited. Going through the same areas and puzzles over and over can get pretty monotonous very quickly. And each area is so big, it's a wonder some gamers don't get lost. For making you go through the same places four, five, six times, the Metroid series is second only to...
#1: The Legend of Zelda series: This is one of those games you need a guidebook for. You might not need to be a genius to play this series, but it helps as the games explain nothing. If you want to make your way through the dungeons and temples, be my guest; just don't expect a sign to pop up and say, "Move that block to this spot," "Wear these boots to get across this place," "Use this item to see through the walls," "The enemy's main weakness is this weapon," etc. Maybe I'm just not as observant as I think I am, but whenever I watch a Let's Play or walkthrough of these games on YouTube, I don't see how you can get through these games the first time around without finding out by pure accident. Tricky, silent, and... well, just plain hard, The Legend of Zelda, the hardest video game series to play.
80s/90s TV Shows:
#10: Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation: This is the first, and so far only, live action TV series based on the popular franchise. Unfortunately, this show wasn't as popular as the preceding comics, cartoon show, and films. Not even Turtles co-creator Peter Laird liked it. Because the show was produced by Saban, the same guys who made Power Rangers, the cinematics were just as cheesy. Plus, it affirmed that the turtles weren't blood relatives, something often not brought up by other series. But that isn't even the biggest controversy; that honor belongs to a fifth, female turtle added just for the series: Venus de Milo. Her character is supposed to be a Chinese Shinobi, master of the mystic arts. (Of course, all you Japanese majors will remember that "shinobi" is just another word for a ninja, further adding to her discredit.) The series was so unpopular, they canceled it after only one season, despite plans for a second. However, the stories were actually beleivable in my book (dodges thrown objects) and the series as a whole wasn't that bad (chased by angry fanboys).
#9: Captain Planet: What's the best way to teach environmental protection to kids? Make a superhero series. The show featured 5 teens from around the globe (Kwame, Wheeler, Linka, Gi, and Ma-Ti) who are given special rings (earth, fire, wind, water, and heart respectively) by the spirit of Earth, Gaia. The kids take down villains who threaten the environment (money-making schemes, near-deadly pollution hazards, etc.). But when things are too tough for even them to handle, they combine the rings' powers to summon Captain Planet, a being who can control all the elements to an even higher degree than the rings themselves. The series wasn't bad, but if they ever make a live action film, it would take a miracle to get it to make sense to an older audience.
#8: The Super Mario Bros. Super Show: This show consisted of two elements: a live action portion and an animated one. The live action part featured Mario and Luigi in their plumber's office in Brooklyn, each time with a guest star, for a fun skit. In the middle, an animated show played, starring either the Mario Bros. or characters from The Legend of Zelda. When the episode was over, we would return to see the conclusion to the live action portion. The cartoon was perfect for kids, as it had humor and adventure. However, most of the Mario episodes, if not all, were based on popular movies and didn't stay as true to the games (but I suppose that's what you do when you want to create a long lasting series).
#7: Sonic Underground: Now people who know me might be surprised to hear me say this, because I don't show a deep interest for Sonic. But this series is pretty good. It has that rebellion-against-a-dark-empire feel to it, the thing that made Star Wars one of the best sci-fi films ever (Hmm. Jots down for a possible top 10). At the time of this writing, I've only watched a few episodes, but I like the premise: in order to fulfill a prophecy, Queen Aleena has to abandon her three children (Sonic, Sonia, and Manic), so they can be stronger for the final battle that will shatter Ivo Robotnik's hold on Mobius. When the three meet up, they vow to find their mother, except she always finds a way to sneak past them, knowing that it isn't yet time for the final confrontation. Meanwhile, Robotnik hires bounty hunters Sleet and Dingo to track down the hedgehogs and keep the prophecy from coming true. (Stupid Oracle, you gotta blab everything to everyone involved.) I also like the fact that they have a song for every episode (catchy ones, too). My complaint here, however, is the one I use for all Sonic material: no one looks like what they're supposed to. How the developers considered Sonic a hedgehog, I don't know. And the Oracle; who ever heard of a reptilian anteater? And according to some sources, the series doesn't even tie in to the Sonic the Hedghog story, making it, in essence, like a fanfic in its own right. Like TMNT: Next Mutation, the series wasn't too popular (even among Sonic fans) and was cancelled before the final battle could be seen (or such is the theory). T_T
#6: Captain N: The Game Master: You might recall that I mentioned this in my Top 10 Hardest Video Games list under The Adventures of Bayou Billy. This Nintendo-related series is reminiscent of the character-gets-dragged-into-another-well-known-universe bit that some stories on this site are known for. This universe is Videoland, where all the video games at that time take place. The main character is Kevin Keene, who is playing Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! when a warp appears on his TV screen, sucking him and his dog Duke into it. On the other side, he finds Simon Belmont from Castlevania, Pit from Kid Icarus (who is referred to by his titular name), Mega Man from... Mega Man, and Princess Lana, ruling monarch of Videoland (another character, Gameboy, would join the team at the start of season 2). Kevin, referred to as Captain N, was called by the "Ultimate Warp Zone" to fight off Mother Brain (Metroid) and her minions, King Hippo (Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!), Eggplant Wizard (Kid Icarus), and Dr. Wily (Mega Man), and is given an NES Zapper and controller-shaped Power-Pad (which allows for speed, high jumps, and a time-freezing "pause" feature) to help him. Characters and worlds from other games made appearances in this series: popular ones like Donkey Kong, The Legend of Zelda, and Tetris; and more obsure ones like Faxanadu, Burger Time, and Paper Route. The series was great (especially the second season with its musical numbers), but the creators took a few more creative liberties than they should have, such as redesigns for non-Nintendo characters (Simon, who looks like Beowulf in the games, is now reminiscent of a mountain climber, while Mega Man has a green color scheme instead of blue). Also, despite the main antagonist being a Metroid character, Samus was never there (and yet having Pit and an Eggplant Wizard and Mega Man and Wily was okay). After the second season, budget issues forced the show to share air time with another show, lowering the run time to 11 minutes, having a cheaper style of animation, and using primarily Nintendo characters and non-game scenarios to avoid paying for copyright for the use of Simon, Mega Man, and other third-party settings. If you want to watch this, just keep going until you hit the episode "Germ Wars," or "When Mother Brain Rules (second version)" if you like clip shows.
#5: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 series): The world's first TMNT animated series, and one of the longest running: 9 seasons. This series is what got me into the Ninja Turtles in the first place. My favorite character was Rapheal; I was always a sucker for the one who cracked wise wherever he went. The series was seriously toned down from the comic book version to make it more family friendly. For instance, in the comics, Hamato Yoshi was killed by Shredder, and his rat, Splinter, is left to fend for himself; but in this version, Splinter is Yoshi, after a dishonorable discharge from a Japanese ninja clan and mutated by Shredder's experimemental mutagen. Shredder became the stereotypical cartoon villain: easily defeated and pretty funny when need be. This kid stuff was exaggerated in the recent film Turtles Forever, when the '87 characters met up with the more serious 2003 versions. It may be ridiculous at times, but no doubt this series started the Turtles experience for many.
#4: Darkwing Duck: It's Ducktales meets Batman in this Disney series. The hero of St. Canard is Drake Mallard, mild-mannered adoptive father, by day. But by night, he puts on the cape and fedora and is ready to utter, "Let's get dangerous." The cool thing about this series is that characters from Ducktales show up, mainly Launchpad McQuack, the hapless pilot, as DW's sidekick, with occasional appearances by Gizmoduck. DW's brand of humor is basically the "Archie Bunker" type: easily annoyed. Now if you ask me, the villains in the show were easily comparable to villains we all know and loathe: Bushroot-Poison Ivy; Megavolt-Electro; Quackerjack-Joker. And some of the elements might have been a little too harsh. One example icludes the creation of Liquidator, who fell into a vat of contaminated water. Said water was hinted to be highly acidic. Still, who wouldn't love a show based on Ducktales?
#3: Animaniacs: This show was perfect for both kids and adults alike. It had Looney Tunes style humor for the younger audience, and a few sophisticated jokes for the older (sometimes a little too sophisticated, though). The show centered around the Warner Brothers (original name -_-), Yakko and Wakko, and their sister Dot, three dog-like creatures who were first drawn back in 1930. But because they were so crazy, they were locked in the WB water tower for more than 60 years. Unfortunately for the WB staff (and fortunately for us), they all managed to escape, though they still make it their home to this day. Adding to the cast of characters are the iconic Pinky and the Brain (would-be world-conquering mice), Rita and Runt (stray cat and dog looking for a home), the Goodfeathers (three incompetent pigeons from a mob setting in the big city), Mindy and Buttons (Lassie-like stories of the dog protecting the child but always getting it in the end), and Slappy Squirrel (a retired cartoon character) among others. With this huge cast, not everybody appeared in every episode. This series is great, but there are some segments that really don't strike me as amusing. But this is definitely a classic in its own right.
#2: Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?: Basically, everything we love about the Carmen Sandiego games wrapped in a TV show, and not just the game shows on PBS, either. The show takes place in a kid's computer (very nicely done), with the kid referred to as "The Player." Key characters besides our favorite red-sported thief: Ivy, martial artist and someone with a history with Carmen; her younger brother Zack, who, despite his street-smarts and cocky attitude, is a computer wizard and fluent in most major world languages; and the ever present chief, who in this series is a floating head on a computer screen (or a screen that appears on anything, even air) with a sense of humor that would put Lynne Thigpen (the black female incarnation) to shame. This series did nothing to tarnish the games' reputation and style. Carmen would always have some scheme in mind that required her to take possession of several objects from around the world, but that didn't stop her from enjoying the thrill of the chase that she is known to love so much. Another game-to-TV element is Carmen's henchmen, named with the same pun-type system that creates her game entourage. And of course, one thing that must never change, her infamous elusiveness. In all the episodes I've seen, Zack and Ivy have yet to capture the master criminal, and in some perverted way, we wouldn't change that at all.
#1: Mega Man: This series was loosely based on the original Mega Man game series, in which Mega was a robot, not a NetNavi or whatever he is these days. The origin story follows pretty closely with that of the games, with Drs. Light and Wily creating the very first robots capable of independent thought, at least until Wily stole a good majority of them and reprogrammed them to help with his world domination schemes. The episode plots are pretty believable, even by adult standards. And the theme music is epic, even if it only has 4 words throughout the entire song. This show is so good, I'm even willing to overlook the extended use of bad puns (e.g. Cut Man-"Cut you down to size" Bomb Man-"Remember me? A blast from the past!") and running gags (Rush biting Guts Man's leg before getting thrown off). And of course having a "sibling" rivalry between Mega Man and Proto Man didn't hurt the show, either. In fact, the show was so good, they might have gone on for a third season if not for budget concerns. Mega Man, the number one TV series of the 80s/90s.
#10: Jimmy "Rocket Man" Zara from High School Musical 3: For those of you who hate the HSM series, you finally have a somewhat valid excuse. I bet the nickname was given to him by people who thought he was an alien. Jimmy's a little clingy when it comes to the main male protagonist Troy Bolton, but that could partially be Troy's fault, giving Jimmy a chance at the winning shot during their championship basketball game. Since then, he pretty much wants to be like Troy, going so far as to change the layout of his room the same way as Troy's. Troy manages to take advantage of this idolization in many ways, including having Jimmy streak through the school in nothing but a towel (YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ykhUqm4bdE Skip to 5:23). Jimmy's also tricked into thinking that the main antagonist, Sharpay Evans, has a thing for him. This leads to an awkward moment when Jimmy's called to take Troy's place in the spring musical. Giving Sharpay her just desserts, Jimmy "Rocket Man" Zara shoots for ten.
#9: Vector the Crocodile/Bokkun from Sonic X: Okay, this might be cheating a bit, but I was having a really hard time with this one. I couldn't decide who was the weirder of the two. On the one hand, you have Vector, a detective who probably got his position as leader of his group only because he "coerced" Charmy into voting Espio out. I mean, who would willingly follow this guy? He's easily fooled, and sometimes his guesses are just that: wild guesses (Remember "Sonic the kidnapper?"). Why his companions are still on the team, I have no idea. Then you have Bokkun, Eggman's mailbot whose messages come in the form of televisions that explode after they're done. Now that's not so bad in itself, but sometimes he leaves bombs just for the heck of it. Although I have to admit, seeing Sonic black in the face (and everywhere else) is somewhat hilarious. Defective detective and bomb-happy bot, they both tie for the #9 spot.
#8: Peeves from Harry Potter: Being a poltergeist, Peeves is supposed to cause trouble, so I'll let that one go. So what really makes this guy strange? Try the fact that he's virtually useless. Nothing he does accounts for anything. Probably his only useful moment was when he caused a distraction to get Filch to forget about giving Harry detention in Chamber of Secrets. He also makes up the dumbest tunes to ever (dis)grace the printed page. It's easy to see why he's not in the films. What else can I say?
#7: Pigma Dengar from Star Fox: The Star Fox team is a mercenary team, meaning they work for money. But Pigma is the extreme of that definition. Part of the original Star Fox team, consisting also of James McCloud and Peppy Hare, Pigma no doubt let his greed get in the way when he betrayed his former members to Andross. Pigma has no heart whatsoever, doing whatever he wants no matter what he does, so long as he gets a big, fat paycheck at the end. His greed made him so bad, even Wolf kicked him off his team. Personally, I don't see how anyone can live like that (especially in Pigma's case, for those who've seen him in Assault). Greedy, almost sadistic, and a miser in every bad sense of the word, Pigma takes 7th place. (Seventh!? I won't settle for less than first!)
#6: BubbleMan.EXE from MegaMan Battle Network 3: Actually, you know what, let's change that to anything related to the Battle Network incarnation of Mega Man. In all his appearances, BubbleMan is the epitome of strange. In the games, he's overconfident; in the anime, he's vengeful and not much better than a court jester; and in the manga, he's just a little better than Pigma. In the games, he says he has no NetOp. I can see why. If there's a reason nobody owns a DarkLoid in the anime, it's probably because they saw BubbleMan. In the anime, he has this undying loyalty to ShadeMan, and even he's not interested in the guy. I don't see why he just doesn't delete the sucker (although, that would probably get some nasty letters).
#5: Dr. Crowler from Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Where do I begin with this guy? Oh, how about his looks? If his voice actor were to change to a female, I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, what serious person dresses like the opposite gender? In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if YouTube had a video montage of this guy while "Sweet Transvestite" was playing in the background. And about that serious crack I just made, who am I kidding? We're talking about a guy who doesn't know how to let go of a grudge. For every win Jaden gets, you'd think it was Crowler himself he kept beating. Ugly and vengeful, Dr. Crowler makes #5.
#4: Spectre from Dinosaur King: At first I was going to have Foolscap be my Dinosaur King representitive of strange. Then I remembered his boss. Spectre is completely nuts, and I'm talking about his sanity. With his small Apatosaurus on his lap a la mob boss, you'd think he'd be more serious. The guy actually sings (in a terrible voice and tone-deaf way, mind you) to little Brontykins. Yes, he calls the darn thing "Brontykins." You tell me how that is the boss of a feared alien pirate gang. The only thing I'm afraid of when it comes to this guy is his singing and childish attitude.
#3: Guildmaster Wigglytuff from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time, Darkness and Sky: And here's another boss who forgot to leave his childhood at the door. He may be a great explorer with a guild named after him, but Wigglytuff is more like a child than Spectre, in that he acts that way almost all the time. The guy literally cries when he doesn't get his so-called "Perfect Apple" for the day, which then turns into something that Bulbapedia says is Hyper Voice. He also makes friends with just about everybody, including those whose intentions are less than great and even legendary Pokemon that aren't even there. I'm not sure who dropped him on his head, but they should be ashamed of themselves.
#2: Deadpool from the Marvel Universe: "The Merc with the Mouth," he's called, and what a mouth it is. In addition to cracking more bad jokes in one issue than Spider-Man does in a month, Deadpool is one of the few characters in the Marvel Universe to continually break the fourth wall. No joke, he will comment on what happened a few issues ago, give his opinions on how an event will affect a character's continuity, and even note on how his caption boxes aren't working right. I may praise other characters over him for their humor, but Deadpool is the funniest character to ever be drawn (and I'm pretty sure he'd agree with me).
#1: Fawful from the Mario and Luigi RPG series: This guy first appeared as an underling in Superstar Saga, but he quickly made his way up. And two games later, he's now a primary antagonist. But what makes the guy so warped? Here are some quotes, direct from the Super Mario Wiki: "And this battle shall be the delicious mustard on that bread! The mustard of your doom!" "Bah! Now is when the talking stops! I do not have time to stop and smell foul roses such as you!" "Red and green put the fog of rage in my eyes and my mind goes crazy!" "Your lives that I spit on are now but a caricature of a cartoon drawn by a kid who is stupid!" And let's not forget his catchphrase: "I HAVE FURY!" If I imagined a voice for this guy, I would say it was an angry Steve Urkel. As Stan Lee would say, "'Nuff said," so I'll just end it now. Fawful, the strangest character ever. (I HAVE GLEE!)
#10: Cosmic-Creepers from Bedknobs and Broomsticks: Remember this cat? You might if you've seen the movie any time recently. Okay, maybe using a cat is cheating, but Cosmic was an interesting character. You could tell he had an attitude even before you found out he was the familiar to the main protagonist Eglantine Price. In case you're wondering about one of the most ridiculous names for any creature ever, Price mentions that it was the name it came with. Well, when it comes from a school called "The Correspondence College of Witchcraft," you think to yourself, "Ah, makes sense." So if you ask me, this cool cat is purr-fect for this list. (hears groans of disapproval) Oh come on, you had to know that was coming!
#9: Carpet from Aladdin: For many of us, this was the first character we saw that had nothing to say, literally. But being a carpet, I guess kids couldn't comprehend where it's mouth would be if it could talk, therefore causing heads to explode throughout the theater and... I'm getting off subject here. This Persian rug is more than just transportation throughout the Arabian sands; it has a personality all its own. Granted, I don't truly know what that personality is, which is why I put it so low on the list. I'll just take a stab at it and say, "The kind of guy who'll help you out when things get tough, so long as you're on the right side of the tracks."
#8: The Octopus from Peter Pan II: Return to Neverland: I was originally going to tie this guy with the crocodile from the first film, but than I remembered my rule about Disney-only characters. This guy had the same humor and semi-creepiness that the croc was known for. And although he didn't swallow an alarm clock, he still made the tick-tock sound that Captain Hook just hates to hear. And he did it with his tentacles; how cool is that? Unlike the croc, we saw into his point of view whenever he looked at Hook. Kinda gave new meaning to the Lost Boys' chant about Hook being a codfish. Let me tell you, I wouldn't go under the sea anytime soon with this guy.
#7: Obby from Atlantis: Milo's Return: When the first Atlantis movie was still in storyboarding, the storyboard artists had concept of lava whales as one of the many creatures the team had to face on the way to Atlantis. The scene was deleted, but not forgotten. In the opening of the sequel, lave whales were reintroduced, along with a smaller (or younger?) version called a lava dog. This lava dog was the royal pet, Obby, which is the shortened form of its species' official name. Obby was there, like most other silent Disney characters, as comic relief. The little guy tended to eat everything, from rocks to cameras to the distributor cap of Audrey's jeep apparently. His appetite was instrumental in the interrigation of Carnaby (Suite: Pet iguana [Obby, eats anything. Meaning you might be on the menu.). LOL.
#6: Khan from Mulan: The name was only used in the movie once, and it wasn't very easy to hear. So I won't be surprised if you don't know who he is. At first, I was going to use Cri-Kee, Mushu's cricket sidekick, but Mulan's horse seemed to appeal to me more. Like Cosmic-Creepers, this horse had a distinct personality, albeit more recognizable. Almost never impressed and a sarcastic attitude. He even laughed at Mulan's practice male impersonation. And I love the way he treated Mushu; kinda like putting him in his place. Truthfully, I think Khan should've had a bigger part on the team. But my biggest issue is that my analysis of him ends with the first movie; any personality he had was completely written out of the sequel, making him just another horse.
#5: Joanna from The Rescuers Down Under: Working for the main antagonist, McCleech, Joanna was a type of moniter lizard called a goanna (real original -_-). Working the comic relief portion of the movie, Joanna was a schemer, taking after her master and taking his eggs when she gets the chance. Her intellgence borders that of a human, which I suppose is normal for an animated lizard, and she looked incredibly funny showing it off. Her best scene, I think, is when she tries to eat the eagle eggs, not even realizing they're just rocks (way to go, Bernard). Funny, sinister, and stupid, Joanna the Goanna (that sounds weird) takes the halfway mark.
#4: Sabor from Tarzan: Sabor is probably the most frightening character Disney has come up with in their silent department. Aside from a few background characters, Sabor the leopard is the only animal who doesn't say a word. Even though he's an animal, he's the most inhuman of all creatures besides Clayton. He kills not only because it's his instinct, but seemingly out of enjoyment as well. When he's on the prowl, no one is spared, no matter how defenseless they are. A ruthless terror and scourge of the jungle, Sabor takes the fourth place spot on the list.
#3: Mooch from G-Force: The team's eyes in the sky; all two million of them. Mooch is pretty adventurous for a fly, going through various obstacles like chameleons and Venus flytraps. Good thing he was specially trained. Mooch isn't really comic relief, but he's right on the verge of it. He lives for adventure and relishes his next assignment, whether it's keep tabs on the team or distraction by near inhalation. Now that is the definition of epicness: doing the most amazing things even when you have certain limitations.
#2: Bullseye from the Toy Story series: First introduced in the second movie, Bullseye is yet another comic relief character. Because his character in the fictional Woody TV show from the 50s is Woody's horse, he's fiercely loyal to the Woody we know, even when no one else is. Remember that moment where he helped Woody try to get his arm back, even though Jessie and Pete weren't too excited about him going away afterward? One has to wonder what Bullseye was thinking. I guess it's just his instinct: to help Woody in whatever he needs to do, even if it goes against his better judgment. Like the other characters, he's got more heart than the dumb animal he's supposed to be modeled after. Just one of the many things I love about Disney.
#1: Dumbo from... well... Dumbo: Out of all the characters who never speak, this is the only one to my memory that starred in his own movie. The thing about movies that have little to no dialogue is that you can sense the emotion much better than you could in any other film, and Dumbo was no exception. The film is all about the little elephant with big ears finding his place in the world, despite everyone treating him like a joke. I mean, think about it; the other elephants disowned him, the clowns were willing to risk him physical injury and were completely careless about where they put their booze, and the crows were just jerks in general (but at least they make a relatively quick turnaround). So much emotion, and the main character didn't speak once. Dumbo, Disney's greatest silent character.
Scariest Moments in Visual Media
#10: The sudden appearance of a V.I.L.E. Villain in Antarctica in Carmen Sandiego: Treasures of Knowledge: Now I put this really low on the list because, let's face it, who here has even heard of Treasures of Knowledge? It's a Carmen Sandiego game that is much more linear than other games. (I won't discuss it here, so look at a Wikipedia article if you're curious.) During the fifth case, your heroes are in a lab in Antarctica following a lead to some toxic waste vaults that could lead to an Egyptian Senec game table. As they're about to set the frequency transmitter that will lead them there, one of Carmen's henchman will appear in the window for a few seconds before locking them in the lab. That problem is solved very quickly, but it isn't what he did that scared me, but how he looked. The guy had his face covered with goggles, a scarf, and a heavy coat hood, leaving little to no visible sign of skin. Factor this with his sudden appearance and... well, you get the idea. People say that the scariest villains are those without visible faces, and with this I'd have to believe them. In fact, this has even affected me so that whenever he's about to appear, I cover that part of the screen. That didn't do it for you? Then how about this; I had a nightmare of a similar situation, this time seeing just glowing, blue eyes from the window of a dark room. It was enough to stop me from playing the game for a month. If that scene has the power to do that, then it deserves a spot here.
#9: The Executioner from Bedknobs and Broomsticks: Yet another silent character who didn't show his face (although, granted, there was no face to show). To combat the Nazis on their raid, protagonist Eglantine Price casts the spell that will give the suits of armor in the museum a life of their own. One of these suits was of a Medieval-era executioner. Walking as slow as Frankenstein, he carried a large ax with him at all times. And unlike every other possessed suit, this one appeared to actually want to shed a little blood. As he appraoches the German colonel, the movie close-ups his helmet and plays the most ominous music of the film, which is basically a single note. That really freaked me out, even if he was one of the good guys. When the spell was finally broken, let's just say that I wasn't too sad when the executioner lost his own head. The terror of the past and of WWII, the executioner takes his spot here on the list, and he can have it.
#8: The opening scene of Monsters, Inc.: Now you're probably thinking, "Why would you be afraid of an incredibly funny movie like this?" Well, if you had just seen this opening scene and nothing else, "comedy" would be the last thing on your mind. In spite of the slapstick provided just seconds after the animatronic child screams, the character Pleghm looks like something out of the Black Lagoon. The music and atmosphere did little to alleviate my concerns. Thankfully, this opinion only applied to the first time I'd seen it. And after Phlegm screamed in unison with the robot, I was set for the rest of the movie. But for making me expect a semi-horror flick, Monsters, Inc.'s opening scene is worth number eight.
#7: The disintegration of Dr. Brinkman from Agent Cody Banks: As the head of the criminal organization E.R.I.S. (see if you can get where the name comes from), Brinkman's plans were to use nanobots to destroy the military's defense systems and weapons. Little did he know that he would get a dose of his own medicine. By slipping an ice cube containing thousands of nanobots that had not yet been programmed correctly down his throat, see if you can guess what became of the bad doctor. In his final convulsions, the viewer could see his skin becoming almost zombie-like. That image really creeped me out; I mean, I thought I was watching a family film, not James Bond. To this day, when that scene comes up, I block it from view. For sneaking a Bond moment into a family film, Brinkman's death scene gets the seven award.
#6: The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come from The Muppet Christmas Carol: Watchers of Labyrinth already knew that Jim Henson was able to create more than the cute creatures we're used to seeing. So when it came to the most fearsome being of the Yuletide season, the Henson company did not disappoint; they just scared me with it. I would always leave the room when this one showed up. I guess, as a kid, I had issues with characters who didn't show their faces and never talked. So because you already know of such apprehension, I'll just skip the rest and say, even though I now stick around, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is one Muppet who gets sixth place for inducing fear.
#5: The death of Alsan from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: I'm referring to the BBC adaptions of the book (I use the plural because, if I recall correctly, it was released in two parts). When I first read the book, I was amazed at the fact that Aslan, the... god... of Narnia, had died. When the scene came on my TV screen, courtesy of my cousin, I made it a point to hide under the seat cushions. Now before you ask if I never got over that, when the Disney/Walden movie came out, I was able to stomach it, especially since they didn't actually show the stabbing, just the look on the lion's face. But the BBC version was my first time watching the book I liked, and seeing a scene I didn't like wasn't too great for me.
#4: Andross from Star Fox 64: I already mentioned this during my Hardest Video Games list. I was about ten when my sister beat the Golemech boss on Venom. When the time came to beat Andross, I was met with a shock; it was a giant head with two hands and no body. To compound the problem, Andross would try to eat the player's Arwing. I was scared to my core and left the room to let my sister continue her ill-fated onslaught. It was enough to make my parents throw the game away. For scaring me in the worst video game experience of my life, Andross' boss battle gets the number four spot.
#3: Pigma Dengar from Star Fox: Assault: When my sister's boyfriend brought a number of GameCube games for the Wii we had, I noticed one of them was Star Fox: Assault. Believing I had finally gotten over the Andross incident, I plugged the game in for a test run. It all went well, right up until we reached the level with Pigma as the boss, fully infected by the Aparoid assimilation. Again, I found myself unable to play the game after that, and after the two broke up, he took the games with him. The reason I put this higher than Andross is because even if I look at a still image, he looks kinda freaky. Scaring me then still giving me some minor issues, Pigma takes the bronze. (WHAT? NO GOLD?) [sighs at Pigma's attitude, which still hasn't changed since the Strangest Characters list, unsurprisingly].
#2: The Sarlacc from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi: This is part of what kept me stuck at episode IV for so long: a large pit in the sand with rows upon rows of teeth. I know, it's another faceless, silent being; give me break, huh? When I started toying with the idea of watching the other two movies of the original trilogy, I started having a series of dreams connected to the Sarlacc. They weren't recurring, but they mostly involved people falling in. It wasn't until I dreamed about me killing the sucker that I finally got the nerve to plug the tape in (for those who know what a tape is). But for keeping me from becoming a full-on Star Wars fan, the Sarlacc takes the number two spot.
#1: MaloMyotismon from Digimon: When I first saw Myotismon in the Digimon anime, I was interested in him. The guy was a vampire, and not one of the "hot" ones you see in Twilight, but the "evil incarnate" that they were meant to be. When he made his return later in the series, I have to admit, I wanted to see what would happen. What I got was MaloMyotismon, the Digital Monster that ruined the whole thing for me. (Interesting note: "Malo" is the Spanish word for "bad".) Why? Only one reason: he destroyed Arukenimon, the spider-like villain that could make herself look human. You know, you think you want the villain to go away, but that scene proved to me how wrong I was. I give only one reason because I left the room just as Mummymon, her sidekick, was attacking him in vengence. Didn't even know what his fate was, but I could tell it wasn't good. Never did watch Digimon after that, all because of the evil incarnate that became more evil. MaloMyotismon, the scariest moment for me in all visual media.
Underrated Villain Songs
#10: With Me from Sonic and the Black Knight: Now you’re probably thinking, “Did CF just lose it; that’s not a movie, it’s a game!” Well, I’m prepared to state that With Me is the very first villain song for a video game, and that’s probably why it’s underrated. Even if you remove the fact that it plays during the final boss battle, the song’s lyrics could easily apply to the Dark Queen (real name withheld for un-spoiler purposes) (“All wrapped up in my evil plan”). The other lyrics, the chorus in particular, also tie in to the Queen’s evil ambitions: “I can taste the day/Savor night/Scream your dreams as you dare to fight/My eyes are filled with curiosity/You think that you have power over me/In this life, there’s no room for you and me/So turn away or face this day with me!” An interesting thing to note is that, starting with “My eyes,” the words could also apply to Sonic as he fights his adversary.
#9: Les Poissons from The Little Mermaid-“That’s it,” you’re thinking, “CF’s lost it.” In some respect, you’d be right. Like "With Me,” this song’s designation as a villain song is questionable. The same thing happened to YouTube’s HewyLewis when he presented his “Top 20 Animated Villain Songs:” both his fellow reviewers were confused until he started playing the song. Although Chef Louis is indeed not a villain, he is an antagonist (the word “antagonist” meaning a person or force that works against a protagonist), in this case to Sebastian, as he tries to cook him through the second half of this song. This guy is nuts; just listen to the first half: “Les poissons, les poissons/How I love les poissons/Love to CHOP and to SERVE little fish/First I cut of zeir heads and pull out zeir bones/Ah mes oui, savez toujours delice.” Notice how he accents the words “chop” and “serve.” A villain song? I don’t know, but I’m leaning towards “H* yeah.” (BTW, I’d never actually say that).
#8: Big Bad Cat from Rugrats Go Wild-In this Nickelodeon crossover between Rugrats and Wild Thornberries (see if you can guess why the song is underrated here), Eliza, who has found the Pickles’ dog Spike, comes across a clouded leopard, Siri. Spike, having lived his entire life in modern suburbia, thinks this is nothing to worry about and thinks Siri is just another housecat. With Spike singing the majority of this song, it seems to have qualities of what the TVTropes website calls the “This Villain Sucks Song:” it’s sung about, but almost never by, the villain, and usually talks about the negative aspects. With both Spike’s ideas about Siri being unfounded and wrong to the extreme (“The big bad cat’s a fur ball-hacking, rodent-snacking ACT!”) and Siri’s threats of Spike being on the menu (“Don’t push me, mutt, I’m just not in the mood/You’re one swipe away from becoming cat food”), it was pretty funny to see him actually win against her. One thing to note here is if you listen to the soundtrack version of the song, without visuals, it’s not hard to imagine an entirely different scene: one more true to the lyrics. I don’t know whether the big bad cat is an act or the real deal, but either way, this song will leave you entertained for sure.
#7: The organ scene from The Rescuers-This one doesn’t have a title, but it’s still worth mentioning. As Bernard and Bianca try to escape the jaws of Brutus and Nero, Medusa’s pet gators (what kind of idiot…?), they hide in a pipe organ. One of the gators catches on to them and starts to play. Despite the fact that it’s supposed to sound like some tone-deaf person’s idea of music, the song is both menacing and funny to watch. The gator’s playing matches every moment of the musical chase from just plain old hiding and running to almost getting caught. Because there are no lyrics, I can’t say much else about this. But while it may not be the next Mozart, the organ scene still deserves its spot as #7.
#6: Double Trouble from Pokémon-Have you ever heard this song? Well, if everyone did, it probably wouldn’t be underrated. Unless you watched the “Pikachu’s Jukebox” segments of the late first season, or bought the “2 B. A. Master” soundtrack, you probably don’t know this one, and even if you did, it probably won’t come to you until this next sentence. Featuring our favorite villainous trio from the anime, this song tells its listeners why they’re the best out there at what they do (“I’ll be the king/I’ll be the queen/I’ll be the joker… of crime”), and how much they enjoy doing it. Its beat makes it sound like a mob-like team did in fact write this. The chorus is the memorable part of this song. “Team Rocket’s rocking!/Talking trouble, walking trouble, double trouble/Big trouble’s gonna follow you.” Team Rocket’s rocking all right, and although they’re blasting off again, they’ll keep rocking with this #6 song.
#5: It’s Our House Now from Mickey’s House of Villains-You know what’s cool about this song? It’s sung by, and includes, most of Disney’s villains, whether great or obscure, head or henchmen. In this House of Mouse Halloween special, the Disney villains, spearheaded by Jafar, have taken over the House of Mouse, and to gloat at having finally succeeded at something, they start singing as they begin to change things for the worse. “It’s our house now/It’s our house now/It’s the fact you can’t ignore/Shut the windows, lock the door/It’s our house now/Raise your mugs, you thieves and thugs/Join the rabble rousing crowd/It’s our house now!” As they sing, they release the ghosts from Haunted Mansion at DisneyLand (or is it World?), trap the guests, and start booting out our favorite mouse crew: “Game over, Mickey/Hit the road, Minnie/Take a hike, chickies/It’s our house now (don’t bother coming back)/It’s our house now!” With this song and what they’ve done, it must be their house now.
#4: My Lullaby from The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride-When it comes to the songs in The Lion King, which is the villain song? “Be Prepared,” right? Maybe, but this song has a whole new darkness to it. It starts off with Zira singing Kovu to sleep, but as he shuts his eyes, the song gets much darker as Zira starts to sing about what allows her to sleep at night. “The sound of Simba’s dying gasp/His daughter squealing in my grasp/His lionesses’ mournful cry/That’s my lullaby!” I have to say, she is one twisted kitty; even she admits it: “Now the past I’ve tried forgetting/And my foes I could forgive/Trouble is, I know it’s petty/But I hate to let them live.” If this is her lullaby, then I need a nightlight.
#3: Savages from Pocahontas-“Mine Mine Mine” may be Governor Ratcliffe’s primary villain song, but this one is much better. At first it seems like a combination of American history and Disney history, combining aspects of the early settlers’ opinions of the Native Americans with Beauty and the Beast’s “Mob Song.” But after Ratcliffe tells his men to “sound the drums of war,” we move over to the Algonquian tribes, where Chief Powhatan is readying for war as well. The amazing thing about the two sides is that their singing parts, with the exception of a few words, are virtually identical in mood. I hardly know who to side with: the settlers (who invaded needlessly anyway in search of gold that’s not there, but have one of their leaders [and beloved historical figure] captured) or the natives (who historically are the victims but not blameless, especially Kocoum, who was ready to attack before Powhatan gave the order)? If it weren’t for the third party (Pocahontas and Smith), I wouldn’t know which side was “Barely even human.”
#2: Professional Pirate from Muppet Treasure Island-It’s no secret; Tim Curry is a great actor, especially in his roles as villains. He’s also got a good singing voice to make his roles more memorable. Although some people consider “Shiver My Timbers” more suited for being a villain song, this one actually includes the villain himself. TVTropes calls this the “Villain Recruitment Song,” where the villain, Long John Silver, sings to the hero, Jim Hawkins, to join him in his ambitions. He and his band of brigands sing about how being a pirate is the experience of a lifetime (“Hey ho ho/You’ll cruise to foreign shores/And you’ll keep your mind and body sound by working out of doors”) and how the group acts like one happy family (“Hey ho ho/It’s one for all for one/And we’ll share and share alike with you and love you like a son”) This song is great because it includes that swashbuckling feel to it; you know that this is something the pirates would sing. If all it takes to join the villain is listening to a great song like this, well then “Yo ho ho!”
#1: Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego from… the game show of the same name-This song rocks, especially for something that came from a gameshow. Sung by voice-only group Rockapella, this theme song captures Carmen’s thieving tendencies to a “T.” Lines like “sticky-fingered filcher” and “double-dealing diva” could be applied to no other woman (in context). In addition to describing her activities (with lines such as putting “the ‘Miss’ in misdemeanor” and “flimflam every nation”), the song describes the stage she uses: the world. Whether talking about what she actually does where (“pickpocket Perth,” sneaking “from Kiev to Carolina,” and “ransack Pakistan”) or making some world-related humor (stealing “Seoul [as in soul] in South Korea,” “stick ‘em up Down Under,” and stealing “the beans from Lima”), we all have to know one thing: “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?” (think of the bolded text as the deep voice). Well, if you see her, tell her that her theme song is the number one underrated villain song.
What Kind of Gamer Are You?
1. An AMATEUR gamer finds a friend to trade his Pokemon with. A HARDCORE gamer buys two games and two consoles and trades with himself.
2. An AMATEUR gamer plays Star Fox 64 wherever the levels lead him. A HARDCORE gamer finds out how to play all the levels.
3. An AMATEUR gamer says the level system in World of Warcraft indicates how strong and experienced you are. A HARDCORE gamer says it is synonomous with your reputation.
4. An AMATEUR gamer (assuming he's not in Japan) waits until the next game is available in his own country, with just a sampling of rumors and information when he comes across it by accident. A HARDCORE gamer orders the game from Japan itself, whether he can read Japanese or not.
5. An AMATEUR gamer takes a surprising character development with a quick, barely emotional, "That was unexpected." A HARDCORE gamer writes nasty e-mails to the developers for ruining their beloved characters.
6. An AMATEUR gamer sees the game in its own context, taking other games in the series into account only when it's a direct sequel/prequel. A HARDCORE gamer will criticize a game for not being as good as another for the most nonessential technical aspects, especially if said game was created for an older console.
7. An AMATEUR gamer never goes higher than T (and hardly even reaches T). A HARDCORE gamer never goes lower than M.
8. An AMATEUR gamer defends against the video game violence myth by noting other contributing factors. A HARDCORE gamer says video games are saints and would never harm a fly (unless accidentally dropped on one).
9. An AMATEUR gamer knows these names: Pac-Man, Mario, Sonic, Mega Man. A HARDCORE gamer knows these names: Travis Touchdown, John Marston, John "Soap" MacTavish, Wander. (Had to look these up. Not easy.)
10. An AMATEUR gamer plays for fun. A HARDCORE gamer treats the game with a life-or-death seriousness.
Did you know that...? (random info on CF)
My first fanfic, Action Anime Brawl, was thought up while looking up Spider-Man one-liners on the Internet. I saw a quote from a fight between Spidey and DC's Wonder Woman. In response, I tried to look up a Marvel vs. DC site, and found a site that dealt with vs. crossovers of all kinds. I tried to look up Pokemon vs. Yu-Gi-Oh!, but never found anything, so I decided to make my own, and later came up with the idea to include other animes as well.
When I first toyed with the idea of writing for the site, I wanted to give my take on those moments in movies when characters disappeared and reappeared in a new situation. This eventually became the "What Happened?" series.
My favorite series on this site is Goldenrod's "Protector" series (at least that's what I call it), which centers around a human girl, Kit, in the Bionicle universe. (See the "Favorite Stories" tab, starting with "A New Ally.")
Although I can write fiction relatively easily, I don't have the same luck with nonfiction, especially when school is involved. With everything they expect you to put down on so many pages, it's a wonder I can get them done on time and get the grades I do.
When I started writing Action Anime Brawl, Tails took on a more active role as a "competitor" for the Sonic X team. But since he doesn't do any combat outside of the Tornado (X and otherwise), it became impractical to include him. The final cut resulted in him being mentioned in the Sonic X portion of the prologue.
Come on, people! (random rants about the stupid things people think)
Transformers Cybertron: continuation of the Energon saga? I think NOT! Most fans and even official sources would have you believe that the Cybertron series is part three of the so-called Unicron Trilogy. But this is not accepted canon in Japan. Heck, even in the dub, Optimus mentions that the Earth was just discovered by them, and these guys have no idea about life on this planet. And how do people explain this away? "Everyone has some sort of amnesia." Oh, and I suppose it was amnesia that caused Starscream to lose the cool ghost powers he had in Energon. And explain to me how many of the characters lose the color schemes and designs they had in the previous series, as well as revert to their original personalities (e.g. Hot Shot went from responsible in Energon to cocky in Cybertron.)
I've mentioned this already, but some people won't watch the Pokemon anime unless Misty is in it. So when she had to return to the Cerulean Gym at the close of Pokemon: Master Quest, critics found another reason to put Generation III on the chopping block. I'd like to ask you all a question: what was it about Misty that made the anime deteriorate after she left? Was it because she showed more skin than the other girls? If so, then you definitely need a life, or a Twilight movie if "hot" women is all you care about.
How many of you are in literature classes? How many have heard of unreliable or naive narrators? The concept is simple: we shouldn't always take their word for it. Now for the kicker: how many of you believe that such garbage is actually a real story element? In my book (no pun intended), if the narrator says it, it is so unless something happens to disprove the fact. But that doesn't stop some of my lit teachers from teaching about it anyway. I even wrote a paper about this regarding Poe's The Black Cat, whose narrator, some believe, is making the whole thing up. My main point: when people start thinking too much, they stop thinking. My teacher handed it back with a note, "Some might say the same of you" (she wasn't disagreeing, just making a point). The point is, why should we not believe the narrator? That's like saying, "Don't trust the woman who gave you birth."
"Do a barrel roll." This is the most repeated phrase out of the Star Fox 64 fandom. It's been used in almost every joking reference to the series and has a following that almost borders on cult. And I just want to ask one thing: WHY? It's not funny, it's not life changing; all it is is just Peppy giving you advice on how to avoid being damaged by a large barrage of laser blasts. And it isn't even the only thing Peppy says: "Try hovering." "Use the boost to get through." "Try a u-turn." And that's just the advice portion of his speech. "You're becoming more like your father every day." "Take care of the guy behind me, Fox." "It's quiet. Too quiet." You don't see people making a big deal out of those. Why care about that quote in particular? And actually, why care about anything anyone says unless there's a valid reason?
Since we're on the Star Fox kick, let's talk about the extreme opposite when it comes to ridiculous likes and dislikes. I refer, of course, to Slippy Toad. I can hear most of you groaning at the mention of his name. Why do people hate him? "He's always getting in trouble." So are Falco, Peppy, and Krystal, but you don't hear people bashing on them whenever they say, "Help me out, Fox." Oh, and let's not forget that he sounded like a girl in 64, a fact that has since been rectified in following games. Actually, now that I think about it, whenever I see Slippy being torn apart, 64 is the game that is always on screen (Any particular reason for that other than the fact that these elements are not in the other games?). I will admit that Slippy is somewhat incompetent, but that's his character. In the world of creative writers and authors (which I assume most of you out there are), we call it "comic relief." Come on, I think everyone here chuckled a little when Slippy landed on his head in the Arwing cockpit in Assault. And he actually is useful by giving you the boss health gauge. I'm almost a little anoyed with myself whenever I have to fight a boss and Slippy's not there to give me the gauge. "Just keep hitting it," you say? Well how do I know when I'm close or when an attack does better than another?
Speaking of characters no one likes, how about Navi? The little fairy from Ocarina of Time has been called extremely annoying (though not as annoying as Slippy -_-) for one reason: her voice constantly saying things like "Hey. Listen." And it isn't one of those voices you could spend your whole life listening to, but a voice that sounds like my 11-year-old brother after inhaling helium. People find that obnoxious. I know I'll get some nasty PMs for this, but like Slippy, I actually find the character quite useful. In a game where very little is explained to you, her "Hey. Listen," can spit out a tip or two that could get you far.
Another lit class issue. When interpreting poetry, everything must be taken into account: the words, the line length, the tone, the meter, the sounds, the repetitiveness of such, the... Wait a second! Where'd those last three come from? Since when is looking at the meter and sounds going to help reveal the poem's theme? Just consider this hypothetical situation: "Let's see, by making this poem have two unstressed syllables followed by a stressed, I can make the theme of friendship evident. And by repeating the 'H' sound in this one line, I can convey the feelings of love despite the unlovable situation the speaker is in. I'm an artistic genius!" You do realize how stupid that sounds, right? Maybe I'm just generalizing based on what I do and write when it comes to poetry, but I highly doubt professional poets spend their time thinking stuff like this.
It's official: Stephanie Meyer has stripped the horror genre of whatever dignity it had left. If you've seen commercials for the new Red Riding Hood movie, you'll notice that its anything unlike the sweet child-friendly story we all grew up hearing. Even the original version wasn't as gothic as this, and Red dies in that version. But now they have to put in some aspect of Twilight in it and make the wolf character some hot male who wants to both get it on with Red while wanting to kill her. Whatever happened to those classics where horror was horror, not romance, and furthermore, not involved with kid stuff?
Since I'm on the idea of converting kids' stories to movies, let's talk about that. The illustrated storybook takes five minutes to complete. How are you supposed to make an hour-and-a-half long movie based on that!? You create a more "involved" plot until it bares little to no resemblance to the original source. You see, this is what happens when psychology gets involved in our stories (as if Oedipus Rex wasn't bad enough, and nobody reads that to begin with): people are starting to believe that the characters of Dr. Seuss and Maurice Sendack are complex enough to be given "better" (note the quotation marks) stories than these mundane ten-pagers. Yeah, I think the movies ruin our view of the characters much better than a ten page book, guys.
The Global Trading System. When the fourth generation of Pokemon came out, this was one of its big selling points: the ability to trade with anybody in the world no matter where they are. It's one of the best ways to get those version exclusives when there's nobody around. But if you've ever used it, you'll probably sympathize with me on this. When I look for an Oshawott, I get people who want a Kyurem in return! For those not in the know, Oshawott is a Pokemon you can start the game with and is relatively easy to obtain in other ways, while Kyurem is a really powerful Pokemon that you can only find once throughout the entire game! Do these people really think I'm going to trade something that rare, valuable, and strong for an otter that's not even at its highest stage? And the worst part, you can only ask for a certain Pokemon providing you've actually seen it. This means that they've already got a Kyurem somewhere in their game: why do they need two!? This is why I tend to use the "Deposit" function; at least then I have control over what's traded, and I'm fair about it.
Speaking of people who play the Pokemon games, there are some people who I think need a life. While using the GTS for Pokemon Black just a day or two after its release (which was Mar. 6), I found people asking for Pokemon that normally come toward the end of the game. Taking what I said before (about how you have to see before you can ask) into account, this means that they've either finished the game or are at least close to it. One full day of playing the game, while I, as of this writing (Mar. 25), have just beat the eighth gym. I even heard about my sister's boyfriend who started the game on release day (or at least the day after, but I doubt it) and started with a Snivy (starter Pokemon are at level 5 upon obtaining them). Two days after release, I learned that in that time, that same Snivy had evolved to a Serperior around level 90! That is no small feat, my friends. And the amazing thing is he's a university student. Where did he find the time? Well, like I was saying, if you're one of these people, help youself to this thing called a social life.
With Super Smash Bros. 4 finally starting development, people are wondering who the newest fighters will be. I have personally seen the likes of King K. Rool, Little Mac, Krystal, Megaman, and... Ridley? Who got the bright idea to think he's a good character for Smash? First off, he's too big! I know the pro-Ridley guys say that's not valid because of Ridley's size in the Melee intro, but I have seen it; Ridley is twice as tall as Samus. I've checked Brawl, and that still holds true. Of course, this doesn't count the wings, tail, and aerial position, all of which make him look much bigger. So, assuming Samus is 5'6", that would mean Ridely is 11' tall at the head; not even the platforms are that high. And don't tell me we can shrink him down like we did with Bowser. Whereas Bowser still looks like himself, Ridley would look like a mutated Aerodactyl.
Going off of the last rant (Ridley being unsuitable for SSB4), here's a real reason apart from the size issues: he would out-break Meta Knight! Ridley's main method of movement is flight, only staying on the ground when his wings don't work. My suspension of disbelief would be shattered instantly is Ridley couldn't fly anywhere at any time. And if the opposite was true, it would make him very unbalanced. Strong attacks and the ability to stay in the air for long periods of time. Does this sound like a character you want going against you while playing Smash with your friends? Long story short, if we need another Metroid character, just call in Adam Malkovich. (After all, if they could make Phoenix Wright a fighter in UMvC3, a platoon commander should be child's play.)
Cutting Room Floor (abandoned concepts for future stories)
Wendy Wu: Rise of the Yang Warrior
Kursed is the Fox
1. Invisible Woman
4. Lady Deathstrike
6. Captain America
7. Ms. Marvel
11. Dr. Strange
12. Black Widow
Next, answer the following questions. Each number represents the corresponding character
1.Would 9 consider 4 a friend?
2. 6 and 11 are fighting. Why?
3. 3 and 8 need to team up. Is this unusual? And if so, why would they do it in the first place?
4. 12 has just found a tabloid story linking him/her with 7. What is his/her reaction?
5. Would 5 crack wise at 1?
6. 2 saw 10 walking by and decides to chat. What is their first topic?
7. 1 finds 6 and 4 fighting. If he/she does, which one does he/she help?
8. What would 10 get 5 for Christmas?
9. 8 is on the radio and publicly insulting 11. What is 11's first reaction?
10. What is 9's pet peeve with 12?
11. Does 7 hate 2?
12. 3 needs help, and the only people available are 4 and 12. Who does he/she ask for?
13. Does 10 have what it takes to beat 6 in a battle?
14. How are 5 and 1 similar? How are they different?
15. If 4 was the main character of a movie, would 8 watch it?
16. Would it be possible for 7 to be 9's rival?
17. It's 10 vs. 2 vs. 3. Who wins?
18. Why would a 5/11 fic be a bad idea?
19. Why would 4 want 7's number?
20. Compared to the rest, what qualities does 1 have that makes him/her better?
20 Questions: iPod Edition-Goin' Down the Bayou
1.What is your motto?
2. What do your friends think of you?
3. What do you think of often?
4. What do you think of your best friend?
5. What do you think about the person you like?
6. What is your life's story?
7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
8. What do you think when you see the person you like?
9. What do you parents think of you?
10. What will you dance to at your wedding?
11. What is your hobby/interest?
12. What is your biggest secret?
13. What do you think of your friends?
14. How will you die?
15. What makes you laugh?
16. Will you get married?
17. Does anyone like you?
18. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
19. What hurts right now?
20. If you repost this on your profile, what will you name it?
Alejandro (okay, technically I didn't submit this one, but the story was written by my brother and the premise for some of his own characters was his family, so it counts)
The following are all submitted to Sunnyshore Pokemon Magnet School by sportsstar117 (Pokemon).
1. Christopher "Chris" Bond
2. Rick "Ricky" Ryans
3. Christina Evans
4. Nikki "Nik" Bronson
The following are all submitted to Pokemon Gijinka: Walking Among Us by NightFall00 (Pokemon)
2. Unown X/Equis
4. Torterra/Forrest (again, another character my brother had me make)
The following are all submitted to Pokemon Gijinka: Those Who Have Come Before by NightFall00 (Pokemon)
Well, that's enough from me. Start reading and enjoy.