Kel the Cool
hide bio
Poll: Which one is your favorite? Vote Now!
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 09-10-10, id: 2533447, Profile Updated: 02-17-11
Author has written 7 stories for Beka Cooper series, Song of the Lioness, and Wheel of Time.

For writers who are tired of bad reviews. These are your options:

A) Kill yourself (I don't want anyone to do this one.)

B) Kill the bad reviewer(s) (Nor this one.)

C) Break the computer (This will not get rid of the bad reviews. You just won't have to read them.)

D) Write mean reviews on their stories. (This will just get you more bad reviews.)

E) Delete your story (Not a very good option. You'll just be giving in to bullies.)

F) Keep working on your story. (This one is good.)

I hope you chose or choose option F. Please don't pick option A or B. You'll be sent to jail. Possibly...

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder

A wise man once said "I don't know go ask a woman"

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 to reach out and slap someone

Don't knock on deaths door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that

Vegetarian: Indian word for 'lousy hunter'.

Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up

Boys are like slinkies – useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs

~Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.

~Be yourself. That's crazy enough.

~You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.

~Silence is golden but duct tape is silver. I guess I can settle for second place.

~They say guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG!" i don't think you'd kill many people

~Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

~I have animal magnetism-- when I go outside, squirrels stick to my sleeves.

~The trouble with real life is that there is no background music

~I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere

~Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

~Forecast for tonight: darkness

~If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do?

~I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

~Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

~How come when you mix water with sugar, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go?

~If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something

~Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.

~Hell is full of musical amateurs

~There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line

~I'm not random I just have many thoughts

~I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes

~I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

If a species is to triumph and prevail, the female of the species must be more deadly than the male.

Don't ever argue with an idiot. They'll bring you down to their level and beat you through experience.

To oppose something is to maintain its existence.

If people lead, the leaders will follow.

Some people are born great, some people achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.

~If you had a life you would stop talking about mine

~We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

~Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell knows I'll take over.

~Don't make me angry, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

~Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.

~People are like slinkies. Basically useless and yet its so amusing to watch them fall down stairs

~There is no great genius without a mixture of madness

~When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

~You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.

~Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

~PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a *.

~Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much

~If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense

~One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

~When life gives you lemons make grape juice, lay back, and let the world wonder how you did it.

~I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah!

~Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.

~I have a dream and in it, something eats you.

~Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its hysterical

~My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems

~If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?!

~I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

~I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words

~Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!

~Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.

~By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life

~I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday

~Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?

~I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my *!

~I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

~Wherever there is life there is love

~Boy break hearts so why don't we break their necks?

~I'm NOT SHORT!! ... I'm fun sized!

~Strawberry Laces! Cause not every kid can afford crack!

~Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses!

~When you call us * we just look at each other and crack up, because we knew that WAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOU DID!

~When a boy tells you to "Suck It!" Just smile and say "Sorry but my mother told me to never put SMALL things in my mouth!"

~Exactly how much fun can I have before I go to hell?

~HELL- Where all the fun people end up!

~I'm smiling cause I'm your sister, I'm laughing cause theres nothing you can do about it!

~When I die, I'm going to haunt the * out of you people!

~ If I had half a mind..I would still be smarter than you!!

~Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

~Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water!

~All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

~Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

~A clean house is a sign of a broken computer

~I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.

~To catch me you got to be fast, to find me you got to be smart, but to be me? Damn you must be kidding...

~Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.

~Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

~Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?

~When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

~Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "brightness," but it doesn't work.

~MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men!

~Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

~In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless Fun!

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

When you say I'm weird, I laugh because I knew that wayyyy before you did.

Your just jealous 'cause we act stupid in public and people still love us!

Dear Math, Grow up and solve your own problems!

I'm not weird, your just to normal.

Fudge pop!- Tori (ME!)

This sucks on ice- Tia (My BFFL)

Eat my pants!-Percy Jackson, PJO

Eat muffins!-Bast, Red Pyramid

It's my birthday. Wish me happy birthday!-Horus, Red Pyramid

Happy Birthday! Now shut up!-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid

Oh great idea, you're completly nuts too!-Bianca di Angelo, Titan's Curse (Grrr i wanna be her!)

Ok, who payed Tori to kill us all?-Scotty (My friend)

Tia, you are so dead...-Tori (ME!)

When I get my hands on him, I'll kill him slowly and painfully, bring him back, and kill him again. Then, I'll dance on his grave- Tori Jackson, Different One (You rock Sam!)

Wait! What about Shawn! Lady Athena, why must you leave me hanging in such a dramatic way?!-Meghan

Aw, Styx- MANY PEOPLE!

At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat flavored sack, and throw him to the wolves.-Percy Jackson, Titan's Curse.

In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day-Percy Jackson, Lightning Theif

With great power... comes great need to take a nap- Nico di Angelo- Last Olympian

I LIKE QUOTES!!!!!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

P.S. READ IEatTragicOranges4Breakfast's stories!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Interviews with Demigods by IEatTragicOranges4Breakfast reviews
Here is the story of an Interviewer's Quest to interview 100 people while annoying them to Hades and back! Hunters are sprayed by a skunk, Nico turned into a jackalope, and so much more!
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 16,329 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 5/2/2012 - Published: 8/9/2010
The Whole Family by Duxbelli reviews
Alanna and George show up with the embassy and Aly tries to hide from the Lioness. She has not told anyone her identity in the copper isles as of yet and George has not informed Alanna that their only daughter is in the Copper Isles.
Trickster series - Rated: K - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,106 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 14 - Published: 9/6/2011 - Complete
Round and Round by Awsomly Odd reviews
Just a little drabbly-songfic about Beka and Rosto.
Beka Cooper series - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 550 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/17/2010 - Complete
Tuon, Dear Tuon by NonyMouse reviews
have you ever wanted to hit Tuon when she starts calling Mat a liar about all his stories, then goes of to predict the weather in the daisies and the future in the birds? if you have, you might like my poem.
Wheel of Time - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 155 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/30/2006 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

In the Sixth Age
OK, no joke, this is a dream I had a little while ago! The WoT three Ages in the future, Age of Legends tec, and everything in the Third Age has been forgotten tell me if I should write more on it
Wheel of Time - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 876 - Published: 5/30/2012 - Complete
Across the Wheel of Time reviews
If you have seen the movie, HERCULES AND XENA, than you'll LOVE this! If not... Well, you'll still love it! look up COME WITH ME ACROSS THE SEA OF TIME video
Wheel of Time - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 155 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/21/2012 - Complete
The Jade Knights: Book 1
Who are they? Where did they come from? And why are they trying to destroy all the magic in the world? RandR PLEASE! Slight romance and humor in this book and as much as possible in the next.
Song of the Lioness - Rated: K - English - Sci-Fi/Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,036 - Published: 1/15/2012 - Tortall
Our Heros, Up Close
A bunch of acronyms for the Tortall characters. I hope you enjoy!
Crossover - Song of the Lioness & Beka Cooper series - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 5 - Words: 405 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/7/2012 - Tortall, Rebakah C./Beka - Complete
Wedding Jitters reviews
Now the question is... WHO'S GETTING MARRIED! Hopefully some humor
Song of the Lioness - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 740 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/3/2011 - Complete
The Death of Beka Cooper reviews
Don't worry, I don't say how she dies... BUT IT HAS A REALLY COOL ENDING! Please read and review, it let's me know someone is reading. Have a nice day!
Beka Cooper series - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 234 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/7/2011
Simply Unsung reviews
For all our unsung heroes; :
Beka Cooper series - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 93 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/24/2011 - Rebakah C./Beka - Complete