Poll: If I was to write a war based Hetalia story which war would be best? Vote Now!
Author has written 7 stories for Nightmare Before Christmas, and Hetalia - Axis Powers.
Welcome to my very long profile. I'm glad you stopped by... I go by the name Mistey online. I love anime (my favorite is Hetalia), reading, drawing, and cos-playing. I'm a huge procrastinator (sadly...), but I try to update my stories often. And writing some other Hetalia one-shots. (If you have a request, you can private message me or take the poll above and I'll see what I can do.)
Her Heart Won't Lie: Complete Main Characters: Fem!Romano, Spain, Fem!Italy, Germany
Do I Love You? Do I Hate You?: In-progress(hiatus) Main Characters: Fem!Canada, Prussia, America
Zero's Tale: Completed Main Characters: Zero
Gift For Her: Completed Main Characters: Liechtenstein, Switzerland
Love's Battlefield: Completed Main Characters: Italy, Romano, Spain, Germany
Frozen Hope: Completed Main Characters: China, Russia
Smoky Waters: Planning Main Characters: Spain, Romano
Stay By My Side: Writing(hiatus) Main Characters: Chibitalia, Holy Roman Empire, Italy, Germany
I'm Crying For Me: Completed Main Characters: Italy, Romano, Grandpa Rome
Open Spirited: Writing Main Characters: America, England
Skater Boy: Planning Main Characters: Fem!France, England, Fem!America
Some Awesome Quotes:
"Someday everything in life will make perfect sense. For now laugh through the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."
"Every story has an end, but in life every end is just a new beginning."
"God is a DJ. Life is the dance floor. Love is the rhythm. You are the music."
"I'm the author of my life, unfortunately I'm writing in pen and can't erase my mistakes."
"Whoever said anything is possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door."
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome"
"I have a firm grip on reality... Now I can strangle it!"
My Favorite Authors:
-Diana Wynne Jones
-Lilian Jackson Braun
"Let's Boil Hot Water"
("Hey, this feeling inside me... you'll listen to me, won't you? To my huge... HUGE love... for pasta!")
I love pasta, you see!
But I want to say it over and over
The world is made of
When I look up to the empty sky, I see lightly floating macaroni
"I'm a little tired, I'll relax by eating some pasta~"
The source of my energy
If I'm not feeling well, I don't worry about it
A tomato box fairy will ("Wha!!! I'm a tomato box fairy!!!")
When it stops raining I go see my friend, and pile up memories with ravioli
When the two of us gaze at the sky, we see stelline glittering in the night sky
Pasta, pasta, pasta, pasta, pasta
Hetalia Quiz Thingy...
North Italy (Vargas Feliciano)
[ ]You were bullied a lot in your childhood
[x] You're very stoic and serious
Japan (Kiku Honda)
[x] You're very mature
The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones)
[x] You love hamburgers
The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland)
[ ] You like tea
France (Francis Bonnefoy)
[x] You're very affectionate
Russia (Ivan Braginski)
[ ] You had a very sad childhood.
China (Wong Yao)
[x] You're very mature
Austria (Roderich Edelstein)
[x] You are very well-raised
Canada (Matthew Williams)
[x] You're often ignored by people
[ ] You smoke
Hungary (Erszebet Hédeváry)
[x] You have a potty-mouth
Lithuania (Toris Lorinaitis)
[x] You're very loyal
Poland (Feliks Lukasiewicz)
[ ] You're very flamboyant
Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt)
[ ] You're quite mean-spirited
Time For Hetalia Awesomeness!!!
My Favorite Hetalia Pairing:
-US & UK
-Romano & Spain
-Italy & Germany
-Russia & China
-Japan & Greece
-Denmark & Norway
-Finland & Sweden
-Hungary & Austria
-Prussia & Canada
-Hungary & Prussia (I can't decide)
My Favorite Hetalia Characters:
Copy & Paste Time (heh)
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, kailover 2006, Iluvbeyblade, Lamanth, AnimeGirl329, Sharpiequeen666, Contestshipper, uchihakiriko,beautifly-soul,DawnzNo1, 0x Emo Contestshipper x0, aqua-dragon28, silver-hedgehog, shadetheechidna666, Princess Blaze the cat, Knight the Cat, MisteyBabe
Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy this onto ya profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!
If you have ever fallen down the stairs copy this into your profile
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your arse off.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile
If you have ever walked into a room, and forgot what you were doing, then started walking away, and suddenly remembered, copy and paste this into your profile.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself. So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you’re a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you get obsessed with tv, books or movies that you're always doing your fan fictions about them copy this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.
Olny fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie.
If you wish you could just pop in and out of your favorite stories, changing the storyline as you go along to fit your own agenda, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've lost track of how many "copy and paste" thingies you have, or you have this feeling that you've copy and pasted something twice, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you had a laughing fit for absolutely no reason copy and paste this on your profile
If you love Fanfiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that your are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
It's obvious that flamers are really just immature people with nothing better to do. If you're mature enough to take a flame, ignore the flamer, and repress the urge to strike back, then copy and paste this in your profile, and add your name to the list: RoyalFanatic, Yoshizilla, Luigi Rules 512, The All Real Numbers Symbol, Princess Blaze the cat, Knight the Cat
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe), PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, Paper Hearts and Paper Cuts, mahalo4ursupport, Uchiha-Aki-chou, MaybelleTheRAWRDragon, Chutneyispower (Damn right!), Dark Flame Pheonix (guilty as charged), XxXSand-Jounin-TemariXxX (What better way to spend your day?), Awaii, Luna2986(Done that 5-10 times XD)Kyoko Izumi, Anthurak The Chaos Lord (ALL HAIL FANDOM!), Inugo Kurosaki (Fanfiction.net RULES, IT KICKS ASS!!), SplitToInfinity (all hail fandom, indeed!) MyMusesSpeakToMe (Wait! Theres another way to spend all time OTHER than fanfiction?? 0.o), Princess Blaze the cat (I HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO!!!) Knight the Cat (This is why I look Emo. No sleep.), MisteyBabe
If you don't know why people can't get it through their heads that members of the opposite sex can just be friends, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever done something embarrassing in front of your crush, copy and paste this into your profile
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it, and you are one of the aforementioned people, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think High School Musical is not a real musical, copy this into your profile.
IF YOU WERE KILLED TOMORROW, I WOULDN'T GO TO YOUR FUNERAL CAUSE I'D BE IN JAIL FOR KILLING THE PERSON THAT KILLED YOU! A friend calls you while you're in jail, a good friend visits you while you're in jail and a best friend will be sitting next to you yelling, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!" If you have a best friend copy and paste this into your profile.
FAKE VS. REAL:
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Dang … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool withyou at that time of the month.
REAL FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will copy and paste this
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile
If you like to write, copy and paste this into your profile
If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile
If you or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this into your profile.
CATS ROCK MY SOCKS! If you think cats are awesome, copy this to your profile, and add your name to this list: Brambleclaw's Babe, Amber Sea, Mistwing, Emberflame of MoonClan, Skyeheart and Silverwing, Firehawk, Rainfire, Snowfur, Firestar's Gal, Amberstar-Leader of SkyClan, Liza Taylor, Hawksky, Knouge4Ever, Princess Blaze the cat, Knight the Cat, MisteyBabe
If you have ever yelled at your television because a character or someone you don't like was on copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
Friends hand you their umbrella when its raining. Best friends take yours and shout: "RUN, BITCH! RUN!"
If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever want to be a cat copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you like waffles, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you scream out random things (Yarp, Blarg, foofoonana, etc.) copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're sitting here laughing your head off at one of these "Copy&Paste" thingies, copy and paste this into your profile.
Girls Don't Realize These Things:
But most of all...
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'
If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN ON YOUTUBE FOR MORE THAN 5 HOURS PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE
If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile
Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...
He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...
He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...
He had no army, yet kings feared him...
He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today
Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...
If you believe in the tiune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
then copy and paste this in your profile
If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...
"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."
If you just copied and pasted that entire thing without looking at what you were copying and pasting, copy and paste this into your profile.
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace,or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with alot of things, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone- Bearhug946, EdwardCullenEqualsLife, Stephanie Deux, Aintzane411, BillieMaysSaysKaboom,Nuns N' Bagels, Damon.x.Baird.x, ita-chan01, Razzika, Lyn Gainsborough, Alexia The Hedgehog, Rainbow the hedgefox, Bekah the Hedgehog, OXOXPoisoned-AngelXOXO,savannahamminga,Frina17, Catsdon'tcry, MisteyBabe
DOCTORS SAY I HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES... WE DISAGREE WITH THAT.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.
Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it.
If all else fails, try reading the instructions.
Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. However, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me then just lying!
I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.
Smart is sexy.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!"
My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem...
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies…
When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
Perfect men are only fictional.
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying 'you can't fire me, I quit!'
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a life time commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?
You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back.
When you're down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I'll be willing to lay down right next to you.
You don't die of a broken heart... you only wish you did.
Sticks and stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within. GOD who else wants to cry now??
Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
When your in jail a friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying "damn that was fun!"
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.
Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.
A friend will comfort you when he rejects you, but a best friend will go up to him and say "Its because your gay isn't it?"
I called your boyfriend "gay" and he hit me with his purse!
When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the hell I managed it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.
Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!
That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.
Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!
"Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide bodies!"
I met some crazy people. They made me their leader!
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.
That, my children, is called a wall. But beware, the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid, for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Have you ever wondered:
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin...
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish-washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
More Random Stuff:
-Sarcasms is your body's natural defense against stupidity.
-If everything seems to being going well...you have OBVIOUSLY overlooked something...
-Whenever you feel pissed off at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them...AND YOU HAVE THEIR SHOES! BWHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
-"TV is more interesting than people. If it were not, we should have people standing in the corners of our rooms." - Alan Coren
-The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.-Murphy's Military Laws
-Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
-Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
-Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (oops. . . )
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (And you thought...?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." ( yes, im sure everybody tried that one!)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Oh yeah because kids are driving cars and operating machinery these days . . .)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (thats the point right...?... RIGHT?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (You would use this where, otherwise?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now i want to know! Whats the "other" use?)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (captain obvious has returned!!)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (You can get artificial artificial bacon? Wait, i DON'T want to know!)
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
How to Tell if You're a Writer:
-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you failed English 101
Why America has some issues...
1. Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America are there people who leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America are there people who use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America are there people who buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America are there people who use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America are there people who have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
A moment of silence.
This Story Could Bring Tears To Your Eyes
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back."The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or
2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart
I've got nothing else to say at the moment soooo... FADE TO BLACK!!!
Draw A Circle That's Earth! HETALIA!!!
Bye Bye! Thanks For Reading!
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