Author has written 16 stories for Danny Phantom, Digimon, X-Men: The Movie, Ironman, Doctor Who, Bleach, Nurarihyon no Mago/ぬらりひょんの孫, and Generator Rex.
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STEAM: Kyoka Suigetsu
Fourty-six laws of Anime:
Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito
1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.
2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.
15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.
18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...
22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.
36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...
40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.
44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
where we are headed...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
in packages of eight.
Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
Only in England...does a pizza get to your home faster than a paramedic...
Only in England...do we have disabled parking at a skating rink...
Only in England...do we have answering machines to take calls we don't want and have call waiting so that we don't miss it...
Some people are like Slinky's. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.
Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver!
Duct Tape is like the force. It has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.
When in doubt, push random buttons!
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
Slinky escalator = endless fun
People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
I dream of a better tomorrow- where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.
I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty!
I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to.
I don't obsess; I think intensely.
At my lemonade stand, I use to give the first glass free and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
Whoever said words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
Who ever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.
I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then.
Sometimes I wonder "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" then, it hits me.
I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting in the next cell, laughing, and saying, "That was fun, let's do it again!"
I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Curiosity killed whoever got in my way
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got blamed
Music is like candy, throw away the rappers.
42 is the answer to life, to the universe, to everything.
Don't mess with me, this Sharpie can alter reality.
If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.
Chekov: Admiral. We have found the nuclear wessel.
Kirk: Well done, Team two.
Chekov: And Admiral... it is the *Enterprise*.
[Kirk and Spock look at each other]
Chekov: [to a street cop] Excuse me, sir! Can you direct us to the naval base in Alameda? It's where they keep the nuclear wessels.
[He pauses, looks at Uhura, and tries again]
Chekov: *Nuclear wessels*
Chekov: Cloaking device available on all flight modes.
Kirk: I'm impressed - That's a lot of work for a short journey.
Chekov: We are in an enemy wessel. I did not wish to be shot down on our way to our own funeral.
Chekov: Please, please - We're looking for the naval base in Alameda can you tell us where the nuclear wessels are?
Random Passerby: Oh, I don't know if I know the answer to that. I think it's across the Bay. In Alameda!
Chekov: That's what I said - Alameda, I know that.
Uhura: But where is Alameda?
Bones McCoy: How old are you?
Pavel Chekov: I'm 17.
Bones McCoy: Oh good, he's 17.
James T. Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise. We're falling without a chute. Beam us up!
Transport chief: I can't get a lock on you. You're moving too fast!
Pavel Chekov: I can do zat!
Pavel Chekov: Ensign Authorization code: nine-five-wictor-wictor-two!
[Authorization is not recognized]
[hiking in the woods of Yellowstone]
Chekov: Admit it, we're lost.
Sulu: All right, we're lost. But we're making good time! [Uhura calls over Communicator]
Uhura: Bad news gentlemen... shore leave's been canceled.
Chekov: [to Sulu] Rescued at last!
Uhura: Is there a problem, gentlemen?
Sulu: Uh, yes. We've been caught in a... we've been caught in a blizzard.
[Chekov blows on the communicator, simulating wind noises]
Chekov: And we can't see a thing. Request you direct us to the coordinates.
Uhrura: My scanners show clear skies and 70 degrees.
Chekov: [stops blowing] Sulu, look. The sun's come out. It's a miracle.
Lt. Pavel Chekov: No casualties reported, Doctor.
Bones McCoy: Wrong, Mr. Chekov. There are casualties: my wits!
Sulu: How do you figure it, Chekov? First we're going to Vulcan, then we're going to Altair. Then we're headed to Vulcan again, and now we're headed back to Altair.
Chekov: I think I'm going to get space sick.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: If the warp drive fails to activate, the results could be... Unfortunate.
Lieutenant Worf: Very unfortunate. We will be dead.
Odo: Commence station security log, stardate 47282.5 - At the request of Commander Sisko, I will hereafter be recording a daily log of law enforcement affairs. The reason for this exercise is beyond my comprehension, except perhaps that Humans have a compulsion to keep records and lists and files. So many in fact, that they have to invent new ways to store them microscopically. Otherwise their records would overrun all known civilization. My own very adequate memory not being good enough for Starfleet, I am pleased to put my voice to this official record of this day. Everything's under control. End log.
[O'Brien has beamed Riker back from the research station]
Miles O'Brien: Transporter room to bridge. He's aboard.
Riker: Why do you sound so surprised, Mr. O'Brien?
Miles O'Brien: Well, for a moment, we weren't sure you left the space station in time.
Riker: In time for what?
Miles O'Brien: It just exploded, sir.
Odo: You're not planning on leaving the station soon?
Kira If I were, would you have the Cardassians stop me?
Kira Then I'm not planning on leaving the station soon.
Odo: It's been a Klingon afternoon.
Kira: A Klingon afternoon?
Odo: Every time Klingons visit the station, I wind up with a Klingon afternoon.
[Data is about to beam down to the planet]
Riker: O'Brien, take a nap, you didn't see any of this, you're not involved.
Miles O'Brien: Right, sir, I'll just be standing over here dozing off.
Odo: I've checked the turbolift records the night of the murder. Aquino did take a turbolift to level three but not to the power conduit where he was found.
Major Kira: Where did he go?
Odo: Runabout pad C.
Chief O'Brien: A runabout? What was he doing in a runabout at four in the morning?
Odo: Apparently he was getting murdered.
T'Kar: Mareel, the box!
[Mareel brings along a hexagon-shaped container]
T'Kar: [to Bashir] Put it in your stasis chamber... Now, or I will destroy it.
Doctor Bashir: [bewildered] Is this supposed to be some kind of threat?
Chief O'Brien: They've got Odo in there.
Doctor Bashir: I see...
Danny: I wish I had something to take this out on!
[Box Ghost appears]
Box Ghost: I am the Box Ghost! BEWARE!
Danny: Hello misplaced agression!
Tucker: You've got 5 minutes.
Danny: Which is 4 more then I'll need.
Rikki Chadwick: How did the test go?
Lewis McCartney: Well, according to the test, you are a seven-year-old German shepherd.
Rikki Chadwick: I was wondering when you would figure out it wasn't my real hair.
Franny: Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring HIM here?
Wilbur: That... is an excellent question.
Vince Noir: Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard?
Howard Moon: This better be good.
Vince Noir: You know the black bits in bananas, are they tarantulas' eggs?
Howard Moon: Please don't speak to me ever again in your life.
Franny: So Lewis, are you in Wilbur's class?
[Franny gives them a puzzled look]
Wilbur: Well, yes and no. Lewis is a new transfer student
Uncle Gaston: Where you from Lewis?
Lewis: Um, Canada?
Tallulah: I think you mean North Montana, hasn't been called Canada in years!
Lucille Krunklehorn: Do you know a Sam Gunderson?
Lewis: It's a big country.
Cleo Sertori: [Cleo and Rikki are experimenting with some gravity-defying water, and are wearing raincoats in the house for that reason. They're expecting Bella any minute. Cleo answers a knock at the door] Bella! Come in... you should see...
Will Benjamin: [Cleo is surprised when Will enters] Sorry, not Bella. But I am looking for her. We're doing this assignment together? Why are you wearing a rain coat?
Cleo Sertori: [Stuck for an answer] Well it might rain.
Will Benjamin: Inside?
Cleo Sertori: Okay. That... that... that is unlikely.
Mccoy: I don't see no points in your ears, boy. But you sound like a Vulcan.
Data: No, sir. I am an android.
Mccoy: Almost as bad.
Data: I thought it was generally accepted, sir, that Vulcans are an advanced and most honorable race.
Mccoy: They are, they are. Damned annoying at times.
Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
Astrid: [Referring to Toothless] I bet he's really frightened right now... what are you gonna do about it?
Hiccup: Ehhh... probably something stupid.
Astrid: Good, but you've already done that.
Hiccup: Then something crazy...!
Astrid: That's more like it!
Adam: I reject your reality, and substitute my own.
Emma Gilbert: [Zane caught a glimpse of Emma's mermaid tail in the previous episode. He made a drawing of what he saw and gave a copy to Lewis, who in turn showed it to Emma] Oh no, my tail!
Lewis McCartney: See? That's why I hang around with you guys, 'cause all the other girls at school are like, "Oh no, my makeup."
Bowler Hat Guy: [on roof] Mwhahahaha!
[looks around to see Lewis isn't there]
Bowler Hat Guy: Where is that boy?
Bowler Hat Guy: Oh, good idea, seperate and look for clues!
[both go seperate ways then come back after a little while]
Bowler Hat Guy: Look, my dear, look what I found!
[holds up a stick]
Bowler Hat Guy: It's a stick! Heeheehee, now what did you find?
Bowler Hat Guy: Yes, yes, I see, time travel resdue next to DNA of Wilbur Robinson. That plus my stick, must mean...
[strains thinking about it]
Bowler Hat Guy: [Doris beeps and heads off screen where we hear a car honk and see the second time machine which is a close replica of the other one except this one is green] Oh, to the future!
[runs over to the time machine]
Bowler Hat Guy: Shotgun!
Vince Noir: What was that?
Howard Moon: Owls.
Vince Noir: What, pretending to be wolves?
Howard Moon: They're very good mimics.
Vince Noir: What?
Howard Moon: Look, don't worry about wolves, ok? I know how to deal with them. If a wolf approches, you simply punch it on the nose.
Vince Noir: That's sharks, innit!
Howard Moon: Works for any animal.
Kirk: Excuse me… Excuse me. I’d just like to ask a question… What does God need with a starship?
Dave: I'm afraid of flying on planes!
Balthazar: Well, today's your lucky day 'cause I brought an eagle.
Eduardo: Donde esta el pollo loco?
Wilt: I don't know where that crazy chicken went.
Wilbur: Wilbur Robinson never fails!... But on the slight chance that I do...
Carl: Slight chance, yeah, you know what, I'll run the numbers!
[pushes buttons and pulls levers on himself, papers start running out of his mouth; looks at the papers and gasps]
Wilbur: What is it?
Carl: Uh, well, it's not- it doesn't pertain to anything in partic- y'know, there's not necessarily go...
[Wilbur raises an eyebrow]
Carl: Uh, there's a 99.999999% chance that you won't exist.
Carl: And I didn't want to tell you... But I did.
Wilbur: I won't exist?
Carl: And where does that leave me? Alone, rusting in a corner.
Wilbur: [pause] Nah. What am I worried about?
The Moon: When you are the moon, the best form you can be is a full moon. And then the half moon... he's all right. But the full moon is the famous moon. And then three-quarters, eh, no one gives a shit about him. When does he come, two days in, to the calendar month? He's useless. Full moon. The moon. The main moon.
Adam: [operating shark-punching Buster] Oh, my God! This is more fun than should be allowed.
Kirk: Everybody remember where we parked. [after landing the cloaked Klingon bird of prey in Golden Gate park]
Hiccup: Most people would leave. Not us. We're Vikings. We have stubbornness issues.
Bowler Huy: Now, my slave, seize the boy!
[T-rex traps Lewis in the corner, but has trouble grabbing him]
Bowler Hat Guy: What's going on? Why aren't you seizing the boy?
T-Rex: I have a big head and little arms. I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through.
[holding pointy shoes Balthazar just gave him]
Dave: These are old man shoes.
Balthazar: [Balthazar wearing the same shoes] Excuse me?
Dave: I love them... A lot.
Jeremy Clarkson: Speed never killed anyone; suddenly becoming stationary... that's what gets you.
The Moon: One time, I saw a man looking at me, yes, with his eyes. And then, he, he picked up a tube. And he looked, in the tube, and he made the moon big, inside the tube. The moon big inside a tube!
Hiccup: Hm, toothless. I could have sworn you had...
[Toothless bares his teeth]
Spock: Ahh, Mr. Scott, I understand you’re having difficulty with the warp drive. How much time do you require for repair?
Scotty: There’s nothing wrong with the bloody thing!
Spock: Mr. Scott, if we return to space dock, the assassins will surely find a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear, and we will never see the captain, or Dr. McCoy, alive again.
Scotty: Could take weeks, sir!
The Moon: When you are the moon, there is a person people say is the sun. I saw the sun once, and he came past me, really fast. And it was an, it was called, the, an eclipse. And he came fast! But as he came past, I, I licked his back.
[sticks out tongue]
The Moon: And he doesn't know I licked his back! All in his yellow suit!... I'm the moon.
Jamie: [over radio] This is one of those "What the hell am I doing?" moments, over!
Christine Everheart: You've been called the Da Vinci of our time. What do you say to that?
Tony Stark: Absolutely ridiculous. I don't paint.
Christine Everheart: And what do you say to your other nickname, the Merchant of Death?
Tony Stark: That's not bad.
Troi: [to Worf] Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you or would you like to break some more furniture?
Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend.
Wind: [whistling] I hate you
Balthazar: Keep it subtle. Civilians must not know that magic still exists. That could make things complicated.
Dave: Alright, Mr. Pointy Hat.
[Talking about calling in help to catch a "ghost"]
Wilt: Who are you gonna call?
Wilt: They've been out of business for years.
The Moon: Here's a poem, from the Moon. Neil Armstrong, walking on my face / Buzz Aldrin, walking on my face / And the third one is a space man, walking on my face / All on the surfaces, and they're looking at all of the stuff that the moon has got./
The Moon: Yeah.
Picard: What we leave behind is as important as how we’ve lived. After all, Number One, we’re only mortal.
Riker: Speak for yourself, sir. I plan to live forever.
Hiccup: [Walking through the forest and crossing out his map] Oh, the gods hate me. Some people lose their knife or their mug, no not me! I manage to lose an entire dragon.
[Hits branch and it smacks him in his face]
Jamie: I don't think our death ray is working. I'm standing right in it, and I'm not dead yet.
Danny: inside the evil hospital] AHHHHHHH! LET ME GO!
Tucker: hates hospitals and doesn't want to go into one Still technically not a cry for help.
Danny: HELP ME!
Tucker: Still not a cry for my help...
Tucker: Aw darn it!
Picard: [To Data about women] I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I’ll let you know.
Dave: [as Dave and Becky are flying on the eagle] I think I should tell you, I'm not sure how to land this thing.
Mac: [after a night in prison] Man, what a crazy night.
Bloo: Eh, I've had worse. Nice seeing ya again, Charlie. Say hi to the kids for me.
Guard: Will do, Bloo.
Howard Moon: Kodiak! It's me, Howard Moon, we spoke on the phone this morning.
Kodiak Jack: The what?
Howard Moon: The telephone...
Kodiak Jack: Ohh, the talky stick! Your voice was trapped in there this morning.
Riker: Fate: protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise.
Bowler Hat Guy: Ha ha ha! There he is--that repulsive, half-witted fool! Now, my slave, seize the boy! Bring him to me.
Bowler Hat Guy: Did you not hear what I said, you idiot? Grab the boy and bring him!
Frankie: [monotone] Well, it's just that there's a million people over there, and I have little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through.
Pepper Potts: [walking in on Stark's robots trying to get him out of the Iron Man suit] What is going on here?
Tony Stark: Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.
Mac: Are you being sarcastic?
Bloo: Man, I don't even know any more.
Picard: Rumors of my assimilation are greatly exaggerated.
Adam: Killer quicksand. Is that why I'm standing here in this stupid pith helmet?
Jamie: No, your standing there in that stupid pith helmet because you're an idiot.
Wilbur: Five years ago, Dad wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Wants to build a time machine. So he starts working! We're talking plans, we're talking scale models, we're talking prototypes!
Wilbur: [shows Lewis a small scrap of metal]
Lewis: That's a prototype?
Wilbur: The very first!... Or, what's left of it.
Wilbur: Yeah. Dark day at the Robinson household.
Balthazar: [In Cantonese] Your hair is beautiful.
Chinese Woman: Oh. You speak Mandarin?
[throws Horvath in disguise at the door with a spell]
Balthazar: That was Cantonese, Horvath. The Grimhold, where is it?
Wilbur: [shaking Lewis for emphasis] But he doesn't give up!
Wilbur: Dude, I can't take you seriously in that hat.
Adam: If I had any dignity, that would have been humiliating
Worf: Assimilate this!
The Moon: He's so bright and milky white / Shining down upon the ground / He's the bright, milky white / Shining down upon the ground / Everybody look at the moon / Everybody seein' the moon / The moon is bright / He's milky white / Everybody look at the moon / Uh!
The Moon: Heey! I did a song! Jupiter, I did a song! You ain't got one! Heey!
The Moon: Oh, I feel sick.
Computer Voice: Hub is overheating... Hub is overheating.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: [seeing the magma] The molten lava at the Earth's core completely slipped my mind.
Bloo: Its hot in Topeka.
Wilbur: Pop quiz: Who have you met, and what have you learned?
Lewis: OK. Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she...?
[Makes a talking gesture with his hand]
Wilbur: Cranky? Yes.
Lewis: Tallulah and Laszlo are their children. Joe is married to Billie. Lefty is the butler. Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to.
Wilbur: Neither do we. Go on.
Lewis: Lucille is married to Bud, and your dad, Cornelius, is their son. What does Cornelius look like?
Wilbur: Tom Selleck.
Lewis: OK. Cornelius is married to Franny, and her brothers are Gaston and Art.
Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
Tony Stark: I am Iron Man.
Kodiac Jack: Book? No book will help you when there's a grizzly on the loose. [throws it out the window and knocks out a grizzly bear]
Kari: I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm a really, really bad driver!
Astrid: [hanging from a tree branch] Hiccup! Get me down from here!
Hiccup: You have to give me a chance to explain.
Astrid: I am not listening to *anything* you have to say!
Hiccup: Then I won't speak. Just let me show you.
Hiccup: Please, Astrid.
[Astrid lifts herself up and gingerly climbs onto Toothless's back]
Astrid: Now get me down.
Hiccup: Toothless, down. *Gently.*
[Toothless spreads his wings, and the wind slowly lifts them into the air]
Hiccup: See? Nothing to be afraid of...
[Toothless launches himself into the sky at top speed, Astrid begins screaming]
Hiccup: Whoa! Toothless! What is wrong with you? Bad dragon!
[Almost losing her grip, Astrid lunges forward and wraps her arms and legs around Hiccup]
Hiccup: [laughing nervously] He-he's not usually like this...
[Toothless banks... ]
Hiccup: Oh, no...
[... and dives straight down toward the ocean, and Astrid screams louder, as Toothless plunges in and out of the ocean]
Hiccup: Toothless, what are you doing? We need her to like us!
[Toothless flies into the sky again and starts doing aileron rolls]
Hiccup: And now the spinning. Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile.
Astrid: [terrified] Okay, I am sorry! I'm sorry! Just get me off of this thing!
Data: [the Borg Queen] brought me closer to humanity than I ever thought possible. And for a time, I was tempted by her offer.
Picard: How long a time?
Data: Zero point six-eight seconds, sir... For an android, that is nearly an eternity.
Tucker: Oh, sweet mother of mutton! I dreamed of it but I never thought I'd live to see it!
Danny: How is it that I have the ghost powers and you're the wierd kid?
Adam: Well, hopefully that's our job, to strap rockets onto everything!
Howard: Alright, what about this jacobian ruff?
Vince: Listen, I've got a strong feeling the Tudour looks gonna come back in while we're away. I don't want to get left behind.
Howard: You'll be in the wilderness, who's gonna know?
Vince: What if someone's photographing animals and I'm in the back of the shot? The Internet's a powerful tool these days
Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
Kirk: We have them just where they want us.
Dave: Are you insane?
[Balthazar thinks, then holds up his fingers an inch apart]
Dave: Little bit. Okay.
Hiccup: Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile.
Rhodey: [upon rescuing Stark] How was the fun-vee? Next time you ride with me, all right?
Tucker: Oh! Phase the car through a building, you just had to save the day didn't you?
Danny: Uh yeah cause a car smashing through the twenty-eight floor of anything is bad!!
Kari: [hi-fives Scottie] Giant industrial pogo stick! Nice!
Tony Stark: Hmmm. Your eyes are red. Tears for your long lost boss?
Pepper Potts: Tears of joy. I hate job hunting.
Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
Danny: I know you're a lost guy Vlad but no map will help you find your way. You need therapy for that!
[Freezes Vlad and takes back map]
Danny: Seriously though, therapy!
Vince Noir: [about Cheekbone magazine] It's the most up-to-date magazine around. It's so cutting edge it goes out of date every three hours. Can't get it in shops. It's delivered by ninjas.
Adam: [sits on his hovercraft with pizza boxes taped to his arms] I think we may have something here!
Horvath: [waving hand] You do not need to see our faculty ID's.
NYU Clerk: I do not need to see your faculty ID.
Drake Stone: [waving hand and imitating Star Wars] These are not the droids you are looking for.
Geordi: Data... I made that joke seven years ago.
Data: I know! I just got it!
Pepper Potts: Tony, you have to go to the hospital. The doctor has to look at you.
Tony Stark: I don't have to do anything. I've been in captivity for three months. There are two things I want to do. One, I want an American cheeseburger, and the other...
Pepper Potts: That's enough of that.
Tony Stark: It's not what you think. I want you to call for a press conference now.
Pepper Potts: Call for a press conference? What on earth for?
Tony Stark: Hogan, drive. Cheeseburger first.
Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything’s a sin. [holds up a Bible] Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.
Jamie: [after spectacularly destroying two semi-trucks] It wasn't quite right, but I don't think we can reset.
[a solar-powered laser starts to activate]
Minion: [at a monitor] Death ray readying!
Megamind: Let's see if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the sun! FIRE!
Megamind: [to Minion] Fire!
Minion: [at monitor] Still warming up, sir.
Megamind: Warming up? The sun is WARMING UP?
Beverly Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with me...maybe there's something wrong with the universe! Computer, what is the nature of the universe?
Computer: The universe is a spheroid region, 705 meters in diameter.
Isabella: Okay, girls. We're dealing with a 426 cubic inch, fully-blown V8, with hypo lifters, radical cam and a limited slip differential.
Gretchen: Would that be electronically fuel-injected?
Balthazar: I had a dream. You were insulting me, Dave. Repeatedly.
Dave: Me? Pretty weird, huh?
Balthazar: No. Kinda makes sense.
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Worf: I am NOT a merry man!!!
Agent Phil Coulson: I'm Agent Phil Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
Pepper Potts: That's quite a mouthful.
Agent Phil Coulson: I know. We're working on it.
Adam: [Adam laughs] We're escaping Alcatraz in Mach 1!
Jamie: No wonder they couldn't find them. They're probably in Japan by now.
Dr. Crusher: He got turned into a spider and now he has a disease named after him.
Counselor Troi: I'd better clear my calender for the next few weeks...
Technus: Nothing like a day of shopping, lattes and terrorising minimum wage workers.
Technus: Well look on the bright side at least I'm not downloading them illegally.
Sam: Parents don't listen. Even worse, they don't understand. WHY CAN'T THEY ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?!
Danny: Sam, I'm talking about my powers, my problems.
Sam: Oh right. Me too.
Picard: Lieutenant. Do you intend to blast a hole in the viewer?
Tory: [mixing explosive chemicals in order to explode pants] Frank, why are you standing so far away?
Frank Hausman: Because I want to live.
Tory: I guess the second question is, why am I standing so close?
Random Bumper Sticker: A monkey with a computer is still a monkey
Pepper Potts: [upon seeing Stark wearing a machine around his arm] I thought you said you were done making weapons?
Tony Stark: It isn't. This is a flight stabilizer. It's completely harmless.
[Stark is blasted back by the force of the machine breaking plates and flying through the wall]
Tony Stark: I didn't expect that.
Radio announcer: And speaking of hot, slather on the sunscreen, listeners, 'cause tomorrow's weather calls for another scorcher!
Ferb: [Referring to lawn gnomes scattered though air as part of Doofenshmirtz's plot] With a slight chance of scattered lawn gnomes.
Sokka: I'm the meat and sarcasm guy
[K'Ehleyr breaks a glass table as Deanna Troi walks in the door]
Troi: You're upset.
K'Ehleyr: Your finely honed Betazoid senses tell you that?
Troi: That and the table.
[accidentally burning his restored car collection by hovering above them]
Tony Stark: Okay, this is where I don't want to be.
Sokka: I'm just a guy, with a boomerang. I didn't ask for all this flying, and magic...
Jarvis: [while Tony is wearing the Mark II Armor] Test complete. Preparing to power down and begin diagnostics...
Tony Stark: Uh, yeah, tell you what. Do a weather and ATC check, start listening in on ground control.
Jarvis: Sir, there are still terabytes of calculations required before an actual flight is...
Tony Stark: Jarvis... sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.
Tory: If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing, right?
Sam: So what do you think the Box Ghost will try next?
Danny: Well I don't care. If I hear if I hear beware on more time I'll. . [Lifts Sandwhich]
Box Ghost: Beware!
Danny: [Sighs] Sigh and put down my sandwhich
Wesley Crusher: Captain, we're receiving two hundred and eighty-five thousand hails
Tony Stark: What's the point of owning a race car if you can't drive it?
Adam: Am I missing an eyebrow?
Danny: I am going to become ghostly!
Rhodey: [talking over phone] What the hell is that noise?
Tony Stark I'm driving with the top down.
Rhodey: Well, I need your help right now.
Tony Stark: Funny how that works, huh?
Rhodey: Yeah. Speaking of funny, we got a weapons depot that was just blown up a few klicks from where you were being held.
Tony Stark: Well, I'd say that's a hot spot. Sounds...
[takes a breath]
Tony Stark: ...sounds like someone stepped in and did your job for you.
Rhodey: Why do you sound out of breath?
Tony Stark: I'm not. I was just jogging in the canyon.
Rhodey: I thought you were driving.
Tony Stark: Right, I was driving... to the canyon... where I'm gonna jog.
Rhodey: You sure you don't have any tech in that area I should know about?
Tony Stark: Nope.
[Two F-22s rise behind Iron Man]
Rhodey: Good, because I'm looking at something right now and we're about to blow it to kingdom come.
Rhodey: [answering his phone during the attack on Iron Man] Hello.
Tony Stark: Hi, Rhodey, its me.
Rhodey: It's who?
Tony Stark: Oh, I'm sorry, it is ME. You asked. What your asking about, it's me.
Rhodey: No, you see, this isn't a game. You do not send civilian equipment into my active war zone. You understand that?
Tony Stark: It's not a piece of equipment, I'm in it! Its a suit! It's ME!
Picard: [To his "supposed" son Jason] One thing is clear - you'll never look at your hairline again in the same way.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: [upon seeing Perry] Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise! And by unexpected, I really mean unexpected--what are you doing here? This is my week off.
Obadiah Stane: [shouting] Tony Stark was able to build this in a cave! With a box of scraps!
Walker: I am your judge, executioner, jury, executioner, jailer, and if necesssary your executioner.
Danny: Umm, you said executioner three times.
Walker: I like that part of the job.
[after they kiss]
Jenna: What were you just thinking?In that particular moment?
Data: I was reconfiguring the warp field parameters, analyzing the collected works of Charles Dickens, calculating the maximum pressure I could safely apply to your lips, considering a new food supplement for Spot...
Jenna: I'm glad I was in there somewhere.
Jarvis: Sir, it appears his suit can fly.
Iron Man: Duly noted. Take me to maximum altitude.
Danny: You really are, one, seriously, crazed up froot loop.
Phineas: Wait a minute, this is a toy factory. How did this chocolate river get here? Who the heck are you guys?
Ba-dink-a-dinks: We are the Ba-dink-a-dinks!
A ba-dink-a-dink: You set us free when you remodeled the factory. We'd been trapped in the basement for years, making foam peanuts and snipping the tabs off of plastic.
Ba-dink-a-dinks: We will now lay waste to the surface dwellers!
Phineas: ...Okay, then. Carry on.
Picard: There are four lights!
[testing his rocket boots for the first time]
Tony Stark: Okay, let's do this right. Start mark, half a meter and to the right. Dummy, look alive, you're on standby for fire safety. You, roll it. Activate hand controls... okay, we're gonna start off nice and easy. See if 10% thrust capacity achieves lift. In three... two... one...
[He activates his rocket boots, which launch him right up into the ceiling, to crash back down. Dummy sprays him with extinguisher foam]
Tony Stark: [recording a log as he tests his rocket boots] Day 11, Test 37, Configuration 2.0. For lack of a better option, Dummy is still on fire safety.
[turns to robot]
Tony Stark: If you douse me again, and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college. Seriously, we're just gonna start off with 1% thrust capacity. And three... two... one.
[performs test successfully, then lands. Dummy raises its extinguisher arm hopefully]
Tony Stark: Please don't follow me around with it either because I feel like I'm going to catch on fire spontaneously. Just stand down. If something happens, then come in.
[grabs Sam's mechanical frog]
Box Ghost: Ha ha! I am no longer the box ghost! I am now... the Mechanical Frog Ghost! [frog shorts out] Uhh...I changed my mind! I am once again the Box Ghost! Who will have nothing to do with mechanical amphibians!
Jazz: I've got him, I've got the Crate Creep!
Box Ghost: I am not the Crate Creep! I am the Box Ghost! Who are you? [starts to say in more normal voice] No seriously, who is she?
Box Ghost: You can not trap me in your cylindrical container of doom!
"Plasmius," Danny growled. "I swear I'm going to kill him for this. And I suppose he's also the one letting the Box Ghost out every two minutes?"
"I…" Skulker paused. "No, actually. None of us can quite figure out how he does that." He looked stumped for a moment, and then shrugged, an evil smirk reappearing on his face. -Little Earthquakes Chapter 2, by A Puzzling Piece.
Agent Phil Coulson: Mr. Stark.
Tony Stark: Yeah?
Agent Phil Coulson: Agent Coulson.
Tony Stark: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the guy from the...
Agent Phil Coulson: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
Tony Stark: Whew! God, you really need a new name for that.
Agent Phil Coulson: Yeah, I hear that a lot.
[A Cyber-arm fires at the Doctor and Amy, who retreat behind the Pandorica]
Amy: What was that?!
The Doctor: Okay, need a proper look. Gotta draw its fire, give it a target.
Doctor: You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?
The Doctor: Sorry.
[The Doctor runs out from behind the Pandorica]
The Doctor: [shouting] Look at me, I'm a target!
Desiree: So have you wished it and so...oh, you know the rest.
Pepper Potts: Agent Coulson, I just wanted to say thank you very much for all of your help.
Agent Phil Coulson: That's what we do. You'll be hearing from us.
Pepper Potts: From the Strategic Homeland...
Agent Phil Coulson: [interrupting] Just call us SHIELD.
[Fright Night knocks door off Fenton Portal and flies out]
[Vlad steps aside]
Jack: [gets hit by the Fenton Portal door] Aaahh!
Vlad: [calmly, with smile] Jack, look out. The door.
[Fright Night grabs Maddie]
Jack and Vlad: Hey! Let go of the woman I love! (pause)
Vlad:...Like a dear friend.
[as he lies dying, Dummy hands Stark the Mark I arc reactor]
Tony Stark: Good boy...
Heatblast: AAAAAAH! I'm on fire! I'M ON FIRE! Hey, I'm on fire, and... I'm okay! Check it out; I'm totally hot. [laughs, then looks at a tree] Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Here it goes! [throws a fireball at it, burning a hole in it] That's what I'm talkin' about. Likin' it. [throws another one through several trees, then realizes his mistake] Wait, STOP! (trees catch on fire) Uh-oh. [tries with no success to stomp out a fire] Oh, man. I'm gonna get so busted for this!
Super Danny: Curse this infernal messy room! This looks a job for... THE VACCUM CLEANER!!
Jarvis: Yes. Shall I render using proposed specifications?
Tony Stark: Thrill me.
[as Jarvis works on the render, Tony watches benefit at the Disney Concert Hall on TV]
Jarvis: The render is complete.
Tony Stark: A little ostentatious, don't you think?
Jarvis: What was I thinking? You're usually so discreet.
Tony Stark: [gazes at a 1930s hotrod] Tell you what. Throw a little hotrod red in there.
Jarvis: Yes, that should help you keep a low profile. The render is complete.
Tony Stark: Hey, I like it. Fabricate it. Paint it.
Jarvis: Commencing automated assembly. Estimated completion time is five hours.
Tony Stark: [looks at his watch] Don't wait up for me, honey.
River Song: I have questions, but number one is this: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?
The Doctor: It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.[Amy takes the fez and throws it in the air, and River blasts it into smithereens.]
Candace: PHINEAS! The only way you're building a haunted house in this backyard is over my DEAD BODY!
Phineas: [in a mad scientist voice] That's the idea! Haha!
Candace: That's it, I'm calling Mom! [walks inside, but then pokes her head out the door] And I am NOT using the banana this time!
Phineas: ...You guys heard that, right? It wasn't just me?
The Doctor: So what's the plan?
The Doctor (Ganger?): Save them all — humans and gangers.
The Doctor: Tall order — sounds wonderful.
The Doctor (Ganger): Is that what you were thinking?
The Doctor: Yes. It's just so inspiring to hear me say it.
Phineas: That was a great day, Ferb. What do you think was the scariest thing ever?
Ferb: Definitely the giant floating baby head.
Phineas: Yeah... [pause] Yeah, where did that come from? [Ferb shrugs] Hmmm...
Dalek: You will be exterminated!
River Song: Not yet... Your systems are still restoring, which means your shield density is compromised. One alpha-meson burst through your eyestalk would kill you stone dead.
Dalek: Records indicate you will show mercy. You are an associate of the Doctor.
River Song: I'm River Song. Check your records again. [aims for the eye-stalk]
Dalek: [uneasily] ... Mercy?
River Song: [menacingly sweet] Say it again.
River Song: One more time.
[Cut to River rejoining Amy and Rory]
Amy: What happened to the Dalek?
River: [coldly] It died.
[Stark's car, the winner of a race, arrives at the airport]
Tony Stark: I thought I lost you back there!
Hogan: You did, sir.
[after Mr. Lancer is sliced by the Soul Shredder]
Danny: Mr. Lancer! What'd you do to him?!
Fright Night: I sent him to where all who feel the sting of my blade are sent--a dimension where his worst fears come to life!
Danny: Yes! this contest is so mine! [Sam glares at him, short pause] Uh, I mean, bring him back, you fiend!
The Doctor: Of course you're not scared! Box falls out of sky, man falls out of box, man eats fish custard. And look at you! Just sitting there! Do you know what I think?
The Doctor: That must be one hell of a scary crack in your wall.
Marge: [the Simpsons are touring Toronto, Canada] So, I see you drive on the left up here.
Tour Guide: No, ma'am. I'm drunk.
Tony Stark: [reading from Natascha's SHIELD Report on Iron Man/Tony Stark]
Tony Stark: Mr. Stark displays textbook... narcissism.
Tony Stark: [Stark stares at Nick Fury, who simply stares at him back] ... Agreed.
The Doctor: Oh. Ok. I escaped, then. Brilliant. I love it when I do that. [Checks legs] Legs, yes. [Checks neck] Bowtie...cool. [Checks head. Disappointed] I can buy a fez.
Phineas: So this is how it ends, Ferb... defeated by our own dopplegangers. If only we had some sort of device that could stop them from... [Ferb holds up a small remote that makes the Phineandroids and Ferbots work or dance] Heh, heh. I know, I'm just messing with ya.
Tony Stark: Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing...
[generates a new arc reactor, amidst a glass-splintering explosion that destroys most of his home]
Tony Stark: Oops!
Travis Hudson: We all got a choice, Son.
Logan: Mine got taken. That will never happen again.
Rory: I have a message and a question: a message from the Doctor and a question from me. Where. Is. My. Wife? [The Cybermen do not respond] Oh, don't give me those blank looks. The Twelfth Cyber Legion monitors this entire quadrant. You hear everything. So you tell me what I need to know, you tell me now, and I'll be on my way.
Cyber Leader: What is the Doctor's message?[The entire fleet explodes behind Rory]
Rory: Would you like me to repeat the question?
Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.
Villager: Aunt Wu reads from the clouds whether or not our village will be destroyed by the volcano.
Aang: Hey, that cloud looks like a fluffy bunny!
Villager: You'd better hope that's not it. The fluffy bunny cloud symbolizes death and destruction.
Sokka: Can you even hear yourself?
Logan: Sounds like Koo-koo-ka-choo got screwed.
Amy: There's someone missing. Someone important, someone so, so important. Sorry everyone, but when I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend, the Raggedy Doctor, my Raggedy Doctor. But he wasn't imaginary, he was real. [shouting] I remember you! I remember! I brought the others back; I can bring you home too! Raggedy man, I remember you and you are late for my wedding![As Amy remembers, the Doctor and the TARDIS starts to materialise in the room]
Amy: I found you; I found you in words just like you knew I would; that's why you told me the story, the brand new, ancient blue box. Oh clever, very clever.
Rory: Amy, what is it?
Amy: Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. Something blue.[To triumphant music, the TARDIS returns to the Universe. Amy runs to it and knocks on the door]
Rory: [In the background] It's the Doctor! How could we forget the Doctor? I was plastic! He was the stripper at my stag do... .
Amy: Okay Doctor, did I surprise you this time?[The TARDIS doors open, revealing the Doctor wearing a top hat, white tie and tails]
The Doctor: Er, yeah. Completely astonished. Never expected that. [steps out of the TARDIS] How lucky I happen to be wearing this old thing. Hello, everyone! I'm Amy's imaginary friend! But I came anyway.
Amy: You absolutely, definitely may kiss the bride--
The Doctor: Amelia, from now on, I shall be leaving the... kissing duties to the brand new... Mr. Pond!
Rory: No! I'm not Mr. Pond. That's not how it works.
The Doctor: Yeah it is.
Rory: [looks at Amy nervously] ... Yeeaaaah, it is.
Kent Brockman: ...and that fluffy kitten played with that ball of string, all through the night. And on a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered...
[seeing Tony Stark, in partial Iron Man armor, sitting in a giant rooftop donut display]
Nick Fury: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut.
Candace: Mom, come on, come on! The boys built a giant roller rink in the back yard! [the rink is turned into a giant loaf of bread] Uhh, giant loaf of bread?
Phineas: [shrugs] I dunno.
Candace: Mom! Mom! The boys built a giant loaf of bread in the backyard!
Linda: What? I thought you said it was a roller rink.
Candace: It was, but now it's a loaf of bread!! Come on, come on! See? [A flock of magpies eat the loaf]
Linda: Candace, what are you talking about?
Linda: Boys, I think she's finally lost it.
Amy: [reading from a history book] At the personal intervention of the King, the unnamed Doctor was incarcerated without trial in the tower of London.
Rory: OK, but it doesn't have to be him.
Amy: According to contemporary accounts, two nights later, a magical sphere some twenty feet across was seen floating away from the tower, bearing the mysterious Doctor aloft.
Rory: [resigned] OK, it's him.
Grandpa Tennyson: Being a hero isn't about letting others know you did the right thing, it's about you knowing you did the right thing.
Ben Tennyson: What were you just doing, reading greeting cards back at the Mega Mart?
Grandpa Tennyson: Well... yes.
Madame Kovarian: What have you heard?
Dorium Maldovar: That you've pricked the side of a mighty beast, Madame Kovarian, and entirely failed to run. I admire your courage; I should like to admire it from afar.
Madame Kovarian: We've been waiting a month. He's done nothing.
Dorium Maldovar: You really think so? There are people all over this galaxy that owe that man a debt. By now, a few of them will have found a blue box waiting on their doorstep. Poor devils...
Colonel Manton: You think he's raising an army?
Dorium Maldovar: You think he isn't? If that man is finally collecting on his debts, God help you. And God help his debtors.
Colonel Manton: Why?
Dorium Maldovar: [Adopts a condescending tone] Colonel Manton... All those stories you've heard about him: they're not stories, they're true. Really, you're not telling me you don't know what's coming?
Kent Brockman: Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. [The cape says DRACULA.] Police are baffled.
Tony Stark: [puts down a disgusting-looking dish]
Pepper Potts: What is that?
Tony Stark: This is your in-flight meal.
Pepper Potts: Did you just make that?
Tony Stark: Yeah. Where do you think I've been for three hours?
Tony Stark: [Dummy, the robotic arm, has made a mess at the kitchen sink] You! I swear to God, I'll dismantle you! I'll soak your motherboard, turn you into a wine rack!
[Dummy looks down guiltily]
Tucker: You really should listen to me, you know. I'm handsome, I'm smart, I have a kickin' hat!...
Logan: [Looking at obese Fred Dukes] That's Fred Dukes? That looks like the creature that ate Fred Dukes.
Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder, really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
The Doctor: Rory, take Hitler and put him in the cupboard over there, now. Do it.
Rory Williams: Right. I'm putting Hitler in the cupboard. Cupboard, Hitler. Hitler, cupboard, c'mon.
Adolf Hitler: But I am the Führer!
Rory: Right. In you go! [Rory shoves Hitler into the cupboard]
Hitler [turns around shocked at being shoved around]: Who are you?
Phineas: They say if you love something, let it go.
Ferb: Especially if it is a caveman.
Phineas: Yeah, especially if it's a caveman.
[Natalia injects Tony in his neck]
Tony Stark: [groans] Oh, God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?
Nick Fury: What did we just do *for* you? That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work.
Tony Stark: Give me a couple boxes of that. I'll be right as rain.
Natasha Romanoff: It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms.
Nick Fury: Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix.
Wade Wilson/DeadPool/Weapon 11: [after killing a wave of men] Okay, people are dead!
The Doctor: I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilize, street maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers and fez.
Canton: Alright, Doctor, your five minutes are up.
The Doctor: [not looking up from the maps] Yeah, and where's my fez?
Candace: Wait a minute! I can still give Mom the one thing the boys can't, the gift of music! Played on my friend: the bass.[Doofenshmirtz's Shrinkspheria shrinks the bass as she begins to play it] Huh, oh well, it's a good thing I play the banjo! [the banjo shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bassoon! [the bassoon shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bugle! [the bugle shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bongos! [the bongos shrink]
Narrator: Five minutes later...
Candace: [frantically] It's a good thing I play the balailaka! [the balailaka shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bagpipes! [the bagpipes shrink] I should have manned the omelette station!
Tony Stark: What's on the docket?
Natalie Rushman: You have a 9:30 dinner.
Tony Stark: Perfect. I'll be there at 11.
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
Wade Wilson/DeadPool/Weapon 11: You whip out a couple of swords at your ex-girlfriend's wedding, they'll never, ever forget it.
Gwen: [to future Grandpa Max] It's good to see you too. But the same shirt? Grandpa, it was 20 years out of style 20 years ago.
Grandpa Max: Hey, when you find a look that works...
The Doctor: Fellas, the guns, really? I just walked into the highest security office in the United States and parked a big blue box on the rug. You think you can just shoot me?
River Song: [bursting out of the TARDIS] They're Americans!
The Doctor: Don't shoot! Definitely no shooting.
Jarvis: May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir.
Rory: What's wrong with you? What has she done to you?
The Doctor: Poisoned me, but I'm fine ... well, no. I'm dying. But I've got a plan.
Amy: What plan?
The Doctor: ... Not dying! See? Fine.
Kayla: Walk until your feet bleed. Then keep walking.
A lighter note: A woman in a hot-air balloon was lost, so she shouted out to a man below: “Excuse me, I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am.”
“You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude,” he replies.
“You must be a Democrat.” She yells to him.
“I am. How did you know?”
"Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve been no help, and now I’m late.”
“You must be a Republican.” He yells to her.
“Yes. How did you know?”
“You’ve risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn’t keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.” Off a website.
Rika: I don't get it. Where could he have gone?
Henry: Not too far I imagine. Looks like he was hurt pretty bad.
Rika: It's his own fault. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had a partner.
Henry: Rika... you do have a heart.
The Doctor: The good news is we have a secret weapon![they leave the TARDIS to see Apollo 11 in the distance]
River Song: Apollo 11's your secret weapon?
The Doctor: No, no, it's not Apollo 11. That would be silly. It's Neil Armstrong's foot.
Kevin Eleven: That's why I don't trust politicians
The Doctor: Pantophobia. Not fear of pants, though, if that's what you're thinking. It's the fear of everything. Including pants, I suppose, in that case.
Agent Coulson: [holding up the Captain America Shield] Where did you get this? Do you have any idea what this is?
Tony Stark: *That*... is exactly what I need!
[takes shield, shoves it under coil, measures with carpenter's level]
Tony Stark: There, see? Perfectly level.
Ash: If anybody's out there, you can come out. And if you're a monster or a ghost, you can stay where you are.
[Tony makes an explosive entrance at the Stark Expo]
Fan in crowd: Blow something up!
Tony Stark: What? Blow something up? I already did that.
[The Tenth Doctor regenerates, the energy blowing out the windows of the TARDIS and setting the console room ablaze. The Eleventh Doctor screams he emerges.]
The Doctor: Legs! I've still got legs!! [kisses one of the.] Good. Arms, hands. Ooh, fingers. Lots of fingers. Ears? Yes. Eyes: two. Nose... eh, I've had worse. Chin - blimey! Hair... [notes length.] I'm a girl![checks Adam's apple] No! No! I'm not a girl! [pulls a lock of his hair in front of his eyes and looks at it, agitated] And still not ginger! There's something else. Something... important, I'm... [taps head.] I'm-I'm...[The whole console room shakes.]
The Doctor: [ecstatic.] Ha-ha! Crashing! [As the burning TARDIS falls to Earth, the new Doctor clings to the central control column, laughing and whooping with glee. He looks up and shouts]
The Doctor: Geronimo!!
The Doctor: [climbs out of TARDIS, dramatic music, bewildered young Amy stares at him] Can I have an apple? All I can think about... apples! I love apples. Maybe I'm having a craving! That's new. Never had cravings before. [climbs up sitting at the threshold of the TARDIS and looking down into it] Whoo! Look at that!
Amelia: Are you okay?
The Doctor: Just had a fall, all the way down there right to the library. Hell of a climb back up.
Amelia: You're soaking wet.
The Doctor: I was in the swimming pool.
Amelia: You said you were in the library.
The Doctor: So was the swimming pool.
Freakshow: Thats odd. I commanded it to eat you. I need more practice.
Fox News: 'Not Racist, But #1 With Racists
Freakshow: We must flee. But, dramatically!
JackVoice: Fento Alerts anti-creep mode activated. Our special today is fudge. I mean...pain.
Sam: Where are your parents?
Danny: Probably looking for me. Or a scalpel to disect me with.
Sam: The Fenton Blimp? What are we gonna do, bore them off our trail in a low speed chase!?
Guy in White #1: We're gaining on it.
Guy in White #2: Oh course we are, it's a blimp!... [Danny hits a button and Fenton Blimp turns into a high speed plane] And, now its not.
Sam: It's after 5. Why can't they quit like every other government employee?!
Jimmy: This is insane. We're fighting ourselves.
The Doctor: Yes, it's insane. And it's about to get even more insanerer. Is that a word? Show yourself! Right now!
Amy: Doctor! We are trapped in here and Rory's out there with them. Hello! We can't get to the TARDIS and we can't even leave the island.[A voice identical to the Doctor's is heard from across the room]
"The Doctor's" voice: Correct in every respect, Pond. It's frightening. Unexpected. Frankly, a total utter splattering mess on the carpet.[The voice is revealed to be the Ganger copy of the Doctor - identically clothed, with the same voice, but with the gelid, half-finished face of the recently-formed Flesh]
The Doctor (Ganger): But I am certain — one hundred percent certain — that we can work this out. Trust me. [straightens his bow tie]I'm the Doctor.
Bart Simpson: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?
Grampa Simpson: I figured because the democrats were in power again.
GiW #2: White fang?
GiW #1: I don't name this stuff.
Dr. Jean Grey: [after examining Wolverine] The metal is an alloy called adamantium, supposedly indestructible. It's been surgically grafted to his entire skeleton.
Storm: How could he have survived a procedure like that?
Dr. Jean Grey: His mutation. He has uncharted regenerative capabilities, enabling him to heal rapidly. It also makes his age impossible to determine. He could very well be older than you, Professor.
Cyclops: Who did this to him?
Dr. Jean Grey: He doesn't know. Nor does he remember anything about his life before it happened.
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: Experimentation on mutants. It's not unheard of, but I've never seen anything like this before.
Cyclops: What do you think Magneto wants with him?
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: I'm not entirely sure it's him Magneto wants.
Sam: Maybe this will be easy. ... It's never easy, is it?
Danny: I always wanted to ride on a space shuttle, JUST NOT ON THE OUTSIDE!!
Sam's Dad: This is Fenton' fault, pass it down.
Tucker's Dad: This is Fenton's fault pass it down.
Jack: This is... HEY!
[Cyclops lands the plane abruptly on water]
Wolverine: You call that a landing?
Reporter: Welcome to Fox News, your voice for evil. Tonight we'll be interviewing the top two candidates for Springfield's 24th congressional district. For the Republicans, beloved children's entertainer, Krusty the Clown. And for the Democrats, this guy.
Armstrong: I have a name.
Reporter: Yes, I'm sure you do comrade. I do appreciate you're being here, you're usually so mired in sleaze, it must be an effort to come down to the studio. Simpsons
Tony Stark: [to Nick Fury regarding "The Avengers" initiative] I told you I don't want to join your super-secret boy band
Freakshow: I DON'T HAVE GHOST ENVEY!! [Lidea flys through train] USE THE DOOR LIKE A PERSON!
Evil Ghost Teddy Bears: Say the magic word!
Magneto: Why do none of you understand what I'm trying to do? Those people down there- they control our fate and the fate of every other mutant! Well, soon our fate will be theirs.
[Rogue screams for help]
Wolverine: You're so full of shit! If you're really so righteous, it'd be you in that thing.
Strawberry Vendor: Aren't you Iron Man?
Tony Stark: [Driving off] Sometimes.
Bart: Oh my God! The dead have risen and are voting Republican
[The three take their convertible people carrier through a car wash]
Jeremy: Uh... it's on fire.
Richard: What?! It can't be on fire! [He looks] It's on fire.
Jeremy: It's on fire. Just run. Just run. [The three run off... and after the film]
Jeremy: The thing is, we managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!
Richard: How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?
Jeremy: He was...
Richard: Cross. Very cross.
James: He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back.
Danny: [Slams into pile of Danny Phantom Comic Books] Hey! I never approved of this!
Freakshow: I will not be upstaged, by a ghost!
Danny: Um half ghost technically, but still way cooler than you.
Jeremy: [complaining about the camp site] You aren't allowed to have a fire, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to play music, you have to be in bed by eleven, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you can't have anything. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!
Tony Stark: Drop your socks and grab your crocs, we're about to get wet on this ride.
Bob: The greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore.
Bart: Oh I haven't gotten to that part yet.
Bob: It's a 4 year old book!
Bart: I'm a slow reader.
Bob: A fitting epitaph... it means last words.
Bob: Are you here to teach me or kill me?
Danny: Well gang, there's good news and bad news. The good news: My powers are back. Bad news: My powers are back!
Tony Stark: [to Nick Fury] I'm sorry. I don't wanna get on the wrong foot. Do I look at the patch or the eye? Honest, I'm a bit hung over. I'm not sure if your real of if I'm having...
Nick Fury: [cuts him off] I am very real. I'm the realest person you're ever gonna meet.
Jazz: You're toast!
Danny: Oh yeah? You and what toaster?!
Homer: Hey kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch?
Sideshow Bob: [from under the car] No!
Homer: Well, two against one
[Jeremy, James and Richard are talking about the new Lamborghini Gallardo Balboni]
James: I like that stripe so much I'd be prepared to buy the whole car just to get it.
Jeremy: Just for the stripe. Can I just offer one word of warning to anyone who's thinking of buying a Gallardo? James, for you, okay? Have you seen this? [A picture of a Gallardo on fire appears on the screen]
Richard: That's...that's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: Yeah; have you seen this? [Another picture of a Gallardo on fire appears...]
Richard: That's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: Yeah, I know; have you seen this? [...and another...]
Richard: That's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: I know, but have you seen this? [...and another...]
Richard: That's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: What about this? [...and another...]
Richard: Er, burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: What about this?[...and one of a Gallardo that's almost totally destroyed by the fire]
Richard: [laughing] That'd be a burning Gallardo! That's ridiculous!
James: So I go into the dealer and I say "I'd like a Lamborghini, can I have one that's not on fire?"
Jeremy: Thing is, though, I have to say, this is what makes driving a Lamborghini so exciting; you drive in a normal car, and it's not on fire.
Tony Stark: [Rhodey has just launched the "ex wife" weapon, which bounces off Vanko with no effect] Hammer Tech?
Rhodey: [Looks dejected] Yeah.
[Trying to fit a very large "dead body" in the back of a car]
Jeremy: This was hopeless. So rather embarrassingly, we had to ask the man we'd murdered to give us a hand. [Man stands up, climbs in]
Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
Narrator: So the story continues
James of Team Rocket: Drats! We just wasted this entire episode cheering for the good guys.
Narrator: That's right James.
Reginald: I may seem like a barmy ol' git now, but when I wasn't so long in the tooth, I had some grand larks and engaged in a fair amount of derring-do.
Ferb: When he was younger, he did a bunch of stuff.
Natalie Rushman: Well done with the new chest piece. I'm reading significantly higher output and your vitals all look promising.
Tony Stark: Yes, for the moment, I'm not dying. Thank you.
Pepper Potts: [overhears] What do you mean you're not dying? Did you just say you're dying?
Tony Stark: Is that you? No, I'm not. Not anymore.
Pepper Potts: What's going on?
Tony Stark: I was going to tell you, I didn't want you to alarm you
Pepper Potts: [interrupts] You were going to tell me? You really were dying?
Tony Stark: You didn't let me.
Pepper Potts: Why didn't you tell me that?
Tony Stark: I was going to make you an omelet and tell you.
Natalie Rushman: Hey, hey. Save it for the honeymoon. You got incoming, Tony. Looks like the fight's coming to you.
Tony Stark: Great. Pepper?
Pepper Potts: Are you okay now?
Tony Stark: I'm fine. Don't be mad, I will formally apologize...
Pepper Potts: I am mad!
Tony Stark: ...when I'm not fending off a Hammeroid attack.
Pepper Potts: Fine.
Tony Stark: We could've been in Venice.
Pepper Potts: Oh, please.
Logan: Everybody get out of here!
Logan: I can't move.
[Richard Hammond has set fire to his motor home while trying to cook part of a three-course meal, and it has spread rapidly after failing to extinguish it]
Jeremy: He's actually set fire to metal, how's he done that?!
Pepper Potts: Have you been drinking?
Tony Stark: Chlorophyll.
[The Top Gear Presenters are driving through a Norwegian town and are testing the "de-icing" implement of their "Snowbine", which is essentially a flamethrower. Naturally, this makes Jeremy very excited.]
Jeremy: I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE AND I BRING YOU...[he sends out a jet of flame behind the Snowbine]
Gabumon: Be careful, that's Cherrymon, lord of the forest and the best reason for the existence of termites.
Tony Stark: [about Natalie Rushman] Who is she?
Pepper Potts: She is from legal and she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that.
Tony Stark: How do you spell your name, Natalie?
Natalie Rushman: R-U-S-H-M-A-N.
Pepper Potts: What, are you Googling her now?
Tony Stark: I thought I was ogling her?
The Doctor: You're Amelia!
Amy: You're late.
The Doctor: Amelia Pond, you're the little girl!
Amy: I'm Amelia and you're late.
The Doctor: What happened?
Amy: Twelve years.
The Doctor: You hit me with a cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years!
The Doctor: Cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years, and four psychiatrists!
The Doctor: Four?
Amy: I kept biting them.
The Doctor: Why?
Amy: They said you weren't real.
The Doctor: And, what sort of job's a kissogram?
Amy Pond: I go to parties, and I... kiss people... [clears throat] with outfits. It's a laugh!
The Doctor: You were a little girl five minutes ago!
Amy Pond: You're worse than my aunt!
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor; I'm worse than everyone's aunt! [catches himself] And that is not how I'm introducing myself.
[The Top Gear Presenters are driving through a Norwegian town and are testing the "de-icing" implement of their "Snowbine", which is essentially a flamethrower]
Jeremy: [a la Arthur Brown] I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE AND I BRING YOU...[he sends out a jet of flame behind the Snowbine]
[Agent Coulson is left in charge of Tony]
Agent Coulson: If you try to escape, or play any sort of games with me, I will taze you and watch "Supernanny" while you drool into the carpet.
Cyclops: All right, we can insert here at the George Washington Bridge, come around the bank just off of Manhattan, land on the far side of Liberty Island, here.
Wolverine: What about harbor patrol? Radar?
Cyclops: If they have anything that can pick up our jet, they deserve to catch us.
Tony Stark: [about to shoot a watermelon] I think she wants the Gallagher!
Jessie: Just once, I'd like to make a dramatic exit that DOESN'T involve a life-threatening explosion.
Kari: What could be worse than living your life without a single friend?
Gatomon: A litter box full of fly paper.
Tony Stark: It's not a weapon, it's more of a highly advanced prosthesis.
The Doctor: Where is this? Where am I?
The Doctor: Where's the rest of it?
Amy: This is it.
The Doctor: Is there an airport?
The Doctor: A nuclear power station?
Amy: Haha, no.
The Doctor: Even a little one?
The Doctor: Nearest city?
Amy: Gloucester, half an hour by car.
The Doctor: We don't have half an hour, do we have a car?
The Doctor: Oh that's good, fantastic that is. Twenty minutes to save the world and I have a post office. [Looks at it] And it's shut!
Tony Stark: [lying drunk on the floor, having been blasted by War Machine] Goldstein.
Adam Goldstein: [peeking up from behind laptop] Yes, Mr. Stark?
Tony Stark: Give me phat beat to beat my buddy's ass to. [Queen's Another One Bites The Dust plays]
Candace: Do you think he'll be...
Phineas: [juggling corn dogs with Ferb] Corn dog, corn dog, yummy yummy yummy!
Candace: Okay. Where did you get the-- Mom! Dad! Thank goodness! The strangest thing just happened.
Mom: [in Baljeet's voice] Fear not. Your parents are here now.
[Camera zooms out to show Mom and Dad are puppets being controlled by a giant Baljeet]
Baljeet: The real shock is you're just noticing this now.
[Camera zooms out even further to show Baljeet is actually a puppet controlled by the zebra from "The Ballad of Badbeard"]
Zebra: I'm just as confused as you are, Kevin.
Jeremy: Candace, since I have no idea what will happen next, I need to tell you something. I love you, Candace Flynn. Will you marry me?
Candace: Oh, Jeremy! I always dreamt-- Wait a minute. That's it - I'm dreaming!!
Jeremy: That would explain the talking zebra.
Candace: Nah, I see him all the time.
Tony Stark: There's been speculation that I was involved in the events that occurred on the freeway and the rooftop...
Christine Everheart: I'm sorry, Mr. Stark, but do you honestly expect us to believe that that was a bodyguard in a suit that conveniently appeared, despite the fact that...
Tony Stark: I know that it's confusing. It is one thing to question the official story, and another thing entirely to make wild accusations, or insinuate that I'm a superhero.
Christine Everheart: I never said you were a superhero.
Tony Stark: Didn't?
Christine Everheart: Mmm-mmm.
Tony Stark: Well, good, because that would be outlandish and, uh, fantastic. I'm just not the hero type. Clearly. With this laundry list of character defects, all the mistakes I've made, largely public.
Rhodey: [whispers to Tony] Just stick to the cards, man.
Tony Stark: Yeah, okay. [holds up his notes and pauses] The truth is... [puts cards down] I am Iron Man.
[After having his lunch stolen, Ash looks up the Pokemon]
Pokedex: It also comes out in open fields to steal food from stupid travelers.
Ash: So that means I'm stupid?
[Prisoner Zero takes on the Doctor's (as yet unseen by him) form]
The Doctor: Now that's rubbish; who's that supposed to be?
Rory: Well, that's you!
The Doctor: Me?! Is that what I look like?
Rory: You don't know?
The Doctor: Busy day...
Rhodey: Hey Tony.
Tony Stark: I'm sorry. This is the fun-vee. The hum-drum-vee is back there.
The Doctor: And the final score is: no TARDIS, no screwdriver, two minutes to spare. Who da man?! [Everyone looks at him unimpressed] [petulantly] Okay, that's... I'm never saying that again. Fine.
Davis: Did you see that? I got a noogie, that means I'm one of the guys now.
DemiVeemon: I have a question. If you're one of the guys now, does that mean you used to be one of the girls, and how come you never told me about it? I wish you humans would just make up your minds.
Isabella: Well, Buford that was a great game. (holding out her hand) Come on. Be a good sport.
Buford: Like I said before, losing to a girl doesn't count. (starts walking away as he gets zapped, turns back calmly) What I meant to say was, I had a wonderful time. I guess you were right. Girls are just as good as boys. Woowho, the F-Games rock. (leaving)
Ferb: That was completely out of character.
[On the rooftop of the hospital, with an Atraxi ship hovering overhead]
Amy: So this was a good idea, yeah? They were leaving!
The Doctor: Leaving's good. Never coming back is better. [calling up at the Atraxi ship] Come on, then! The Doctor will see you now![the giant eye in the middle of the ship descends to the rooftop and scans the Doctor]
Atraxi: You are not of this world.
The Doctor: No, but I've put a lot of work into it. [looking at different ties he might wear] Hm, I dunno... what do you think?
Atraxi: Is this world important?
The Doctor: "Important?" What does that mean, "important?" Six billion people live here, is that important? And here's a better question: is this world a threat to the Atraxi? [pause] Come on, you're monitoring the whole planet. Is this world a threat?[The eye scans through images of the human race]
The Doctor: Are the peoples of this world guilty of any crime by the laws of the Atraxi?
Atraxi: [scanning through more images] No.
The Doctor: Okay! One more question, just one. Is this world protected?[The Atraxi scans through pictures of Cybermen, Daleks, Racnoss, Sea Devils, Slitheen, etc.]
The Doctor: You're not the first lot to have come here. Oh, there have been so many. And what you have to ask yourself is... what happened to them? [The Atraxi shows pictures of the first to tenth Doctors, finishing with an image of the tenth Doctor that the eleventh Doctor then steps through]
The Doctor: Hello. I'm the Doctor. Basically... run.
Logan: There's someone here.
Logan: I don't know. Keep your eye open.
Slowking: I need pants
Phineas: All right, who added the 'evil' flavor?
[Everyone turns to stare at Baljeet]
Baljeet: It's curry. It's not inherently evil.
Matt: What planet did I dial?
Random Troubled Man: Finally, my irrational fear that a giant platypus will see me in my underwear is cured! [The Platypus Monster stomps past his house while the man is in his underwear] ...It's even worse than I thought...
Tentomon: When my skin gets dirty, I just shed it.
Izzy: ...That would be difficult for me.
Ken: [As Digimon Emperor] You will bow before me!
T.K: Sorry, the floor's kinda dirty.
[In the ring, before the fight with Wolverine]
Emcee: Whatever you do, don't hit him in the balls.
Stu: You said "anything goes"!
Emcee: Anything goes, but he'll take it personal.
Tai: Good thing we're in a hospital, cause it looks like we may need one.
Candace: Oh, this is just out of control. (takes out her cellphone) Mom, Mom!
Mrs. Flynn's voicemail message: Hi, this is Mom. Leave your psychotic rant about the boys after the beep.
Candace: Uhhh! Mom, come home, quick! There's a giant mob, I'm a superfiend, I'm roasting them with laser vision, and... hey, what do you mean psychotic rant?!
Storm: Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?
Storm: The same thing that happens to everything else. ( -.-' Really? Lamest line ever.)
Phineas: What's that noise? Is that your stomach?
Phineas: Yeah, I'm hungry too. That trendy restaurant Mom and Dad took us to last night wasn't exactly satisfying.
[flashback to last night]
Phineas: Dad, can I borrow your glasses? I can't see my entrée. You know, because it's so small?
Lawrence: [holding his glasses] Yes, I think we got that.
T.K: Maybe you digivolve into something like this. Porkymon, with super strong oink attack and the power to, um, oink!
Patamon: Uh, maybe.
T.K: Hmm, well, how 'bout Hogmon. With super hog smell and the power to snort up enemies in a single sniff like this *snort*!
Patamon: I am not a pig, TK!
T.K: It's okay to be a pig.
Patamon:I'm sure it is, especially for pigs! But that's not me!
(Ash & Co. drink tea during Team Rocket's introduction)
Jessie and James: HEY! DON'T SIT THERE IGNORING US!
Misty: This show is pretty boring.
Ash: It'll get canceled pretty soon.
Senator Kelly: You're evading the real question. Three words: Are mutants dangerous?
Doctor Jean Grey: That's an unfair question, Senator Kelly. After all, the wrong person behind the wheel of a car can be dangerous.
Senator Kelly: Well, we do license people to drive.
Doctor Jean Grey: But not to live.
Tentomon: The name's Mon... Tento Mon.
Sora: What kind of sicko turns people into keychains?
Piedmon: I'm not a sicko, I'm a collector of these new items of such sentimental value to me.
Joe: He made them all disappear.
Tentomon: Well, at least he didn't saw them in half.
[commenting on the X-Men uniforms]
Wolverine: You actually go outside in these things?
Cyclops: Well, what would you prefer? Yellow spandex?
T.K: What's more boring? Paint drying or Math?
Vanessa: Oh, this can't be good. [gets hit by the water balloon and starts flying]
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No! Vanessa! NO!
Vanessa: [falling and screaming then luckily lands on Phineas and Ferb's plane]
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, they caught her! They caught her!
Vanessa: [sees Ferb and surprised] Ferb?
Phineas: No matter where we go, Ferb knows everyone.
Matt: I've been living a lie.
Gabumon: You're not a natural blonde?
Kari: I need you, Tai... Gatomon... the National Guard.
Ferb: (after Perry accidentally hits a self-destruct button the Rainbowinator) You know, in retrospect, I question the inclusion of a self-destruct button in the first place.
Davis: Sorry I'm late. I was supposed to get a haircut but when I looked in the mirror, I realized my hair was already perfect.
Yolei: The only thing is he was staring in the mirror for over an hour.
[The Doofenshmirtz jingle plays; scene flips to Doofenshmirtz, rubbing his forehead]
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, that stupid carnival is so loud I can't hear my own evil jingle! [turns to a quartet in a sound recording booth] Alright boys, take it from the top. And louder.
Evil Jingle Singers: [singing] Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorpora—
[the quartet gets cut short by a loud crash from the ceiling into a pile of instruments; Perry staggers in, playing a banjo.]
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: A banjo-playing platypus? [Perry puts on his hat] Perry the banjo-playing platypus?!
Matt: No offense, but even if I felt like talking, it wouldn't be to a tree.
Rogue: You know, you should wear your seat belt.
Wolverine: Now look, kid, I don't need advice on auto...
[car crashes, throwing him through the windshield, and he flies through the air for 30 feet]
Tokomon: I'm like a boomerang, I keep coming back!
The Doctor: You've swallowed a planet!
Amy: I'm pregnant.
The Doctor: You're huge!
Amy: Yeah, I'm pregnant!
The Doctor: Look at you: when worlds collide!
Amy: Doctor, I'm pregnant.
The Doctor: Oh, look at you both. Five years later, and you haven't changed a bit! Apart from age, and size...
Amy: Oh, it's good to see you, Doctor.
The Doctor: ...are you pregnant?
Tokomon: We looked high and low for you. I did most of the low part.
Sam Manson: [trying to stop Danny's parents from checking on him while he's fighting a ghost upstairs] Danny's upstairs.
[crash is heard upstairs]
Sam Manson: Uh, lifting weights?
Maddie Fenton: [after hearing another crash] He doesn't have exercise equipment up there.
Danny Fenton: [another crash] My computer! Oh, wait that's Jazz's.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: As I get older and older, I find it harder and harder to read my small little wristwatch. So I will launch Big Ben into space, and fly it all the way to the Tri-State area! ["flies" Big Ben over to his model of the Tri-State area] La, lala, lala, here I am, I just woke up and I want to know what time it is. [flings the model of himself across the room.] Woohoo! Yes! I'm a genius!
Agent Double O-O: Wha - That's it?! That's your whole plan?!!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, in a nutshell, yes! What do you think?
Agent Double O-O: [glances at Perry, pauses] Am I on one of those hidden-camera shows? You realize you could just buy a bigger watch? Or maybe a wall clock?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, but then I'd have to drive to the store and find a parking space, and I'd have to choose from like - dozens of styles ... It just seemed like so much work. This would be much less complicated.
Takato: Sorry to wake you up so late.
Henry: That's okay. I was just sleeping.
Terriermon: And not just sleeping... snoring too.
The Doctor: This is bad, I don't like this. [kicks console and yells in pain] Never use force, you just embarrass yourself. Unless you're cross, in which case... always use force !
Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?
The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.
Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?
The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I'm cross!
Tai: What are you doing with those weird people?
Matt: [in a barbershop with TK] These people aren't weird, they're my best friends.
Matt: Seeing as this was the only computer in town.
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: Where are you going?
Wolverine: To find her.
Wolverine: The traditional way: look!
Patamon: Patamon, digivolve to... hey, wait a second. I'm still me.
The Doctor: Something here doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick.
Phineas: It's pulling us in! Maybe it's the space authorities. Did we do something wrong?
Ferb: Well, it occurs to me that perhaps all the modifications I've made aren't technically be "street legal."
Phineas: Hmm. I'm having trouble picking up [Meap's] cute signal.
Isabella: Phineas, since you obviously won't figure this out on your own, I think I'm the one causing the cute interference.
Phineas: Don't be silly, Isabella! I took into account your cuteness, and adjusted the cute meter settings accordingly from the beginning. See, look what happens when I change it back to normal. [the cute meter overloads and shorts out] Oops. So much for finding Meap.
Vincent: But you’re not armed!
The Doctor: I am!
Vincent: What with?
The Doctor: Overconfidence, this, and a small screwdriver. I’m absolutely sorted.
Kazou: I haven't even started dating and I gotta deal with 2 sad girls.
Guardromon: Once you start dating I'm sure you will make many girls sad.
Guardromon: Won't you?
Kazou: Just watch Suzie
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: Ah, Logan. I'd like you to meet Orono Monroe, also called Storm. This is Scott Summers, also called Cyclops. They saved your life. I believe you already know Dr. Jean Grey. You are in my School for the Gifted for Mutants. You'll be safe here from Magneto.
Wolverine: What's a Magneto?
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: A very powerful mutant. He believes that a war is brewing between mutants and the rest of humanity. I've been following his activities for some time. The man who attacked you is an associate of his called Sabertooth.
Wolverine: Sabertooth? [looks at Storm] Storm. [looks at Xavier] What do they call you? "Wheels"? This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
T.K: Look at all that water! Somebody must have let the bathtub overflow!
Kazou: Where'd Suzie go?
Guardromon: She flew away
Kazou: She flew away? Are you kidding me? But how? You were supposed to be watching her.
Guardromon: I was. I watched the whole thing.
Kazou: That's not what I meant you big duffus.
The Doctor: Ah you want to see my credentials… [shows psychic paper] There, national insurance number... [passes psychic paper behind his back] NHS number... [passes psychic paper behind his back again] References.
Craig: [incredulous] Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?!
The Doctor: I'm his special favorite. Shhh.
Bokomon: I'm the holder of the book.
Neemon: I'm the holder of my pants.
Bokomon: I wished we could help.
Neemon: I wished I had a sandwich.
Phineas: Wait! Candace! You're grown up! And there's two of you!
Good Future Candace: Phineas, we're from the future. Two alternative futures. One that's good—
Bad Future Candace: And one that's terrible.
Phineas: Someone should really fix that.
Good Future Candace and Bad Future Candace: We did!
Phineas: So the bad future no longer exists?
Good Future Candace and Bad Future Candace: Right.
Phineas: So if it doesn't exist, shouldn't the Candace from the bad future cease to exist too?
Bad Future Candace: Oh darn. [disappears]
[About his claws]
Rogue: When they come out... does it hurt?
Wolverine: Every time.
The Doctor: [talking to Amy in the TARDIS using a communicator] Now all I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?
Amy: Have you seen you?
The Doctor: So you're just going to be snide? No helpful hints?
Amy: Hmm, well, here's one: Bowtie - get rid!
The Doctor: Bowties... are... cool.
T.K: [About missing Kari] She might be in trouble! She might be in danger! She might be... right there?!
Phineas: Candace has a great sense of humor. Remember the time she got her face caught in the sink?
[Cyclops doesn't know if Logan's an imposter]
Wolverine: Hey! It's me.
Cyclops: Prove it!
Wolverine: You're a dick.
Cyclops: Okay then.
T.K: You mean someone else comes here besides us? There goes the neighborhood.
Phineas: All right, Ferb, let's get that skateboard before Grandpa breaks his neck.
[targets bottom of picture with machine, laser activates]
Grandpa Fletcher: [as the skateboard disappears while he was riding it; he goes tumbling backwards] What in blazes?
[back in Danville]
Phineas: Yes, it worked! [notices that the picture wasn't cropped well enough and Grandpa's feet were transported too] Oops!
Grandpa Fletcher: I say, that's peculiar, my bloomin' feet have gone missing!
Grandma Fletcher: [pulls nose plugs out of nose and inhales deeply] I can breathe again! I smell lupines!
[back in Danville]
Phineas: Better send his feet back.
[Back in England]
Grandpa Fletcher: [Phineas and Ferb send his feet back, only they reappear backwards] They're back! Egad, they're facing behind me! [begins to walk, and naturally starts walking backwards] I say, I could get the hang of this. Now I can finally see where I've been! Crackin'!
Guilmon: You going to fight her, Takato?
Takato: No way, she's a girl. Besides, she'd kick my butt.
Carolers: [singing to We Wish You a Merry Christmas] We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, so bring some right here!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wha-what...are-are you threatening me? How dare you! No one barges into my home and demands desserts! What sort of plan is that anyway, "Let's go to a stranger's house and in song form, refuse to leave unless he hands over a food dish no one's prepared since the 16th century?!"
Phineas: You know Ferb, just think of all of the wonderful things Santa does for us. And he never asks for anything in return. Wait, that's it! Ferb, are you thinking what I'm thinking? [Ferb hands him a blueprint] As usual, we're— OH! Ugh! Man, no! That's not at all what I was thinking! OH, dude! [Ferb flips around the blueprint to the right side] Oh, yeah. That's it.
Magneto: You homo sapiens and your guns. (XD So true...)
Monogram: Carl! Stop filming your butt. Film mine! It's a party!! Haha-
T.K: At least kids make up pretty fast. My parents are still mad at me. From the time I painted our kitty cat.
Carl: But wait listen to this. It's a seemingly innocent voice recording of Phineas.
Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Carl: But if you play all those syllables backwards in a random order you get.
Phineas: Let's help Doofernshmirtz destroy the Tri-State Area.
Recording on telephone: This number only exists in your imagination. Please hang up and don't call back.
Henry: Maybe it doesn't matter what card we use, Rika.
Rika: Okay, did that pig monster eat your brain?
Davis: Hey, it's getting pretty dark in these woods. Here, Kari, I'll hold your hand so you won't get scared.
Kari: I'm not scared.
T.K.: And it's not her hand... it's mine.
[Trapped inside the Statue of Liberty]
Cyclops: Blast him, Storm!
Magneto: Send a bolt of electricity into a large copper conductor? I thought you lived in a school.
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: There are more powerful mutants out there. Why should this one be so important?
Cyclops: Maybe it's his way with people.
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: You don't like him?
Cyclops: How could you tell?
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: Well, I am psychic, you know.
[the X-Jet is pursued by a fleet of jets. X-Men are escaping after Pyro blew up most of the Cop cars]
Storm: Somebody's pretty pissed.
Wolverine: [glares at Pyro] I wonder why!
Baljeet: Ugh! It takes you one day to build a roller coaster, but it takes 10 minutes to pump a tire?
[to Logan, about Dark Cerebro]
Magneto: What do you intend to do, scratch it with your claws?
DemiDevimon: Everyone makes mistakes. Remember disco?
Takato: Where are we going?
Henry: You really think I have any idea?
Henry: Oh, momentie yourself.
Rika: You're kidding right?
Rika: It's not funny, you know. I don't want to walk all the way to the next town just to find your little friend.
Henry: Well, if it makes your feel any better, Rika. The tunnel might flood and we can all swim there.
Rika: It's just my luck to be stuck down here with a couple of comedians.
Takato: Try this card.
Henry: The last one almost killed him.
Takato: Hey, I'm just trying to help.
William Stryker: [to Logan] I didn't realize Xavier was taking in animals, even animals as unique as you.
June Motomiya: Hey, Matt. I made it.
Matt: [about June] No, she followed us. She's like a boomerang that keeps coming back.
Phineas: Wow, [Candace's] good. I gotta have her do my wedding. Ferb, make a note.
Isabella: I got it!
President McKenna: What is that?
William Stryker: A jet.
President McKenna: What kind of jet?
William Stryker: We don't know-but it comes out of the basketball court.
Henry: Terriermon. It's not wise to mouth off to someone who's bigger than you.
Izzy: All the countries seem to be mixed together.
Tai: It's like that theme park in Florida.
Tentomon: Izzy, when I first met you, I thought you were just one of those computer geeks, but after I got to know you better, I just realized that you are one of those computer geeks!
Candace: I'm cursed. Phineas, Ferb, I need your help getting rid of this tiki charm.
Phineas: Um, personally, I'd be a little more worried about that manta ray stuck to your head.
Candace: What? ugh. You know, after the day I've been having, I didn't even notice.
Logan: How long have you been here?
Bobby: Couple of years, it's not so bad.
Logan: What about your parents, they just shipped you off to mutant school?
Bobby: Actually, my parents think this is a prep school.
Logan: Well, I guess lots of prep schools have their own campus, dorms, kitchens...
Hawkmon: Why do I always get stuck with a defected human?
Ryo: I feel so powerless.
Ebonwumon: Better to feel powerless than to feel dead.
Flamedramon: [prepares to attack Digimon Emperor] Fire...
Davis: Flamedramon wait. There's a chance you'll miss and hit Patamon.
Flamedramon: I'm such a hot-head.
Professor X: Logan, my tolerance for your smoking in the mansion notwithstanding, continue smoking that in here, and you'll spend the rest of your days under the belief that you're a six-year-old girl.
Logan: You'd do that?
Professor X: I'd have Jean braid your hair.
Cody: Note to self - come up with a better way to sneak Upomon out of the building.
Jeremy: Hi Candace.
Candace obsessed with busting: Have you seen Candace?
Jeremy: Well I'm seeing you now.
Candace obsessed with busting: No, no, no, me, the other me, but not me.
Jeremy: [Confused] Uh...
Candace obsessed with busting: You know, bla-bla-bla-bla, hearts, I love Jeremy, unicorns, rainbows...
Jeremy: [Confused] I can say yes...
Candace obsessed with busting: Where?
Jeremy: [Scared] I don't know or maybe!
Candace obsessed with busting: Well if I got back and if I have a flower in my hair, tell it to Me! Find Candace and Mom, you'll see!
[Candace obsessed with busting leaves, and appears Candace obsessed with Jeremy]
Candace obsessed with Jeremy: Hi Jeremy!
Jeremy: Hi Candace, you have a flower on your hair.
Candace obsessed with Jeremy: Yeah, I know!
Jeremy: You're scaring me...
Candace obsessed with Jeremy: I can be seeing you the whole day...
Jeremy: Well... I need to keep working now, What if I go to your house later?
Candace obsessed with Jeremy: Okay, but, what about something to remember? [Candace obsessed with Jeremy smiles, pointing to her cheek. Jeremy tries to kiss Candace, and she smiles more, but Candace obsessed with busting grab her away, leaving Jeremy alone]
Jeremy: Or maybe not?
Logan: Who am I?
William Stryker: If you knew the kind of person you used to be, the work we did together... People don't change, Wolverine. You were an animal then and you're an animal now. I just gave you claws.
Matt: This heat has turned Palmon's brain into a French fry!
Bobby: This is Cyclops' car.
Logan: Oh, yeah?
[pops his middle claw, and uses it to turn the ignition]
Cody's Grandfather: This doll obviously has more than just cotton balls in its stomach.
Davis: Have you noticed that T.K. and Kari are always hanging together? What's up with that?
Veemon: Maybe they're identical twins that look completely different.
[Patamon gets shot down by Andromon]
Patamon: I'll have two cheeseburgers and a large order of fries.
Davis: Let's go, T.A.!
Kari: He forgot how to spell T.K.!
[Deathstrike extends her claws]
Logan: Holy shit.
Davis: So Patamon can Digivolve to Angemon?
Davis: And Gatomon, what about her?
TK: Oh, she can Digivolve to Angewoman.
Davis: Then I have one question: Is there an Angebabymon too?
Patamon: Sometimes, he says the strangest things.
Davis: Veemon, tell me you can Digivolve into Ange-something too!
Davis: [picks up Veemon and shakes him around] Ange-Dinosaur-mon? Ange-Soccer-Player-mon? C'mon!
Veemon: I just don't have it in me!
TK: He's still got a lot to learn.
William Drake: What exactly are you a professor *of* "Professor Logan?"
Logan: [Rogue, Bobby, and Pyro look at Logan, none of the kids knowing what to say]
Logan: Art. ( -.-' Really Logan? Really?)
Cody: So many Digimon!
Davis: I hope we don't have to feed them all.
[Takato is Calling Henry]
Henry: Jeri's a Tamer, are you sure? She's chasing him, making eyes? Tamers don't do that.
Takato: Wait, I'll ask.
Takato: Hey Jeri?
Takato: Are you sure he's your partner?
Takato: How come?
Jeri: Cause it's destiny!
Takato: Okay thanks!
Jeri: [resumes chasing Leomon] You can't escape destiny Mr. Leomon.
Takato: [into the receiver] She says it's destiny.
Henry: That doesn't sound good at all. Okay I'll be right there.
Takato: Henry's on his way. I guess I should tell Rika too. [calls Rika]
Rika: Jeri? That just isn't possible.
Takato: Wait I'll ask. Hey Jeri?
Takato: Do you have a Digivice?
Jeri: No I don't.
Takato: [into the receiver] That's a negative.
Jeri: Anything else?
Takato: No that's all!
Jeri: Mr. Leomon, wait up!
Rika: No Digivice? She's obviously not a Tamer she's delusional. Oh whatever I'm coming right down.
Takato: Rika's coming too.
[Talking about giant digimon who is juggling Veemon and Terriormon]
Willis: This is all my fault.
Davis: Why? Did you teach him how to juggle?
Izzy: Wargreymon quit like a coward.
Tai: [angered] You take that back.
Izzy: I was reading an e-mail from another kid.
Tai: Well, you didn't have to read it so well.
[Davis is commenting on a picture of Tai when he was younger.
Davis: Hahaha, look at how cute I was when I was little!
Tai: Urm, Davis. That's me.
Davis: Oh, hehe, sorry Tai.
Nightcrawler: Guten tag.
Logan: [to Nightcrawler] Who the hell are you?
[to Jean and Storm]
Logan: Who the hell is this?
Nightcrawler: Kurt Wagner, but in the Munich circus, I was known as The Incredib...
Logan: Yeah, save it.
[Terriermon has just digivolved for the first time into Gargomon]
Willis: Huh? He has pants now!
Policeman: Put the knives down! [talking about Logan's claws]
Logan: I can't.
Hologram Maddie: Systems' Damaged, going critical, losing cohearance and I never loved you I loved the Jack program.
Hologram Jack: Vladdie!
[Holo Jack and Maddie kiss in front of Vlad]
Willis: Davis, you're a baby!
Davis: Who're you calling a baby you baby?
[he looks down at himself]
Davis: Ah! I'm a baby!
Terriermon: What are you, Henry, the center of the universe? What, you think the sun won't rise if you're not there to greet it or something?
Henry: What are you talking about?
Terriermon: Just look behind you, Henry.
Terriermon: You don't have to do everything yourself. They're all here to help you. Let 'em.
[Cody running out of apartment building with Upamon under his shirt]
Cody: Note to self; think of better way to sneak Upamon out of apartement.
[Crashes into Yolei]
Yolei: Hey! Be more careful next time!! Cody what have you been eating lately, you must have gained 20 pounds!
Cody: It's Upamon...
Yolei [eyes wide] You ate Upamon?!?
Cody: Forget about it! Sora sent an email saying Biyomon's in trouble!
Yolei: Uh...your tummy's growling.
[looking over Stryker's confidential papers]
President McKenna: How did you get these?
Professor X: Well, let's just say I know a little girl who can walk through walls.
Recording over telephone: At the tone, the time will be exactly 45 miles per hour and 90 seconds.
Gabumon: You're the man!
Matt: And you're the wolf man!
[about Rika and Renamon]
Takato: I don't get it.
Henry: It's obvious that they were worried about each other. Problem is, they're too hard-headed to admit it. They'll go on playing silly games until they drop.
Takato: Being honest with each other would be too hard. [laughter]
Sora: Tell me how you like your eggs and I'll do the best I can.
Joe: I prefer my eggs to be covered in salt and pepper, but I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tai: I like soy sauce.
Matt: How about salsa?
Sora: How about a reality check?
Izzy: I'll have mine with mustard and jellybeans, please.
Tai: Oh, gross! T.K.: Jellybeans. That sounds good.
Mimi: What? You're all weird! My favorite is eggs covered in maple syrup! Sometimes I like to eat them with cherries on top!
Tai: Now that's weird! T.K.: But I bet it's good.
Joe: You guys are completely making me lose my appetite! I mean, come on. Jellybeans and cherries on eggs? That's just crazy talk! Salt and pepper is all they need. Keep it simple. That's always been my motto.
Magneto: [Magneto uses his power to stop the X-Jet from crashing] When will these people learn how to fly?
TK: Oh... I can feel the heat coming up through my socks...
Matt: Well TK, maybe you should put your shoes back on.
[in the X-Jet, being pursued by two fighter jets]
Storm: I gotta shake them!
[she does a roll with the plane and drops it sharply towards the ground, then levels off]
Pyro: [looking ill] Please don't do that again.
Logan: [looking ill] I agree.
[After losing a Kuramon]
Davis: Where did he go!? I just saw him here and then he ran off! How many places can a giant eyeball hide!?
Principal: [over PA system] Will Mary Robertson please report to the office? Your locker is missing.
Angewomon: Don't worry, Kari. Angemon and I will find them.
Angemon: Maybe I should of taken a left at the search engine.
Angewomon: I told you to stop and ask for directions. Ugh, just like a man.
Pyro: [grunts] I don't like uncomfortable silences.
Rogue: What are you doing?
[radio turns on and "Bye Bye Bye" by N'Sync Plays]
Pyro, Rogue, Logan, Bobby: [all groan] Argh.
Tai: So what am I supposed to do? Throw the digivice at the monsters and hope they get scared and run away?
Pyro: So, they say you're the bad guy.
Magneto: Is that what they say?
Pyro: That's a dorky looking helmet. What's it for?
Magneto: This "dorky looking helmet" is the only thing that's going to protect me from the REAL bad guys.
Tai: Genius over there is trying to call the telephone repairman because the phones don't work.
Reporter: Phone lines are down all over the world. If your phone is not working, please call your phone company.
Mrs. Kamiya: Well at least my sister can't call me three times a day.
Logan: Got any beer?
Bobby: This is a school.
Logan: So that's a no?
Bobby: Yeah, that's a no.
Logan: Well, do you have anything other than chocolate milk?
Davis: Please mister. I'll be your eternal slave if you just lend me your computer for a minute! [Stranger stares.] Plus I'll throw in five bucks.
Stranger: Oeh. [Hands over computer]
Logan: Who's the furball?
Hank McCoy: Hank McCoy, Secretary of Mutant Affairs
Logan: Right, right. The secretary. Nice suit.
Charles Xavier: Henry, this is Logan. He's, uh...
Hank McCoy: Wolverine. I hear you are quite an animal.
Logan: Look who's talkin'.
T.K.: I don't know, my mom said never to take candy or rope from strangers.
Raven: This man robbed seven banks...
[six copies of Multiple Man walk out of the cell]
Raven: At the same time.
Gatomon: Let's just say that while you were sleeping, I had nine lives, and now I'm down to three.
Izzy: If we had a compass, we'd know which way north was.
Tentomon: I know where North is!
Tentomon: It's the opposite of south!
Izzy: We're the first humans to be digitally processed. That means we're pioneers, like Marco Polo.
Tentomon: Oh, I know what he was famous for! Marco!
Limb-Growing Mutant: [Wolverine is slicing the arms off a mutant who grows them back] Come on.
Logan: [Logan, using all his strength, kicks him in the balls. The mutant falls over] Grow those back.
Davis: [After saying he will never run again] Huh, I don't know about you Ken, but I can sure go for a morning jog right now.
Digimon Emperor: Hahahahahahahahahahaaaa... oh, it's not that funny.
Cain Marko: Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
Gatomon: Why do they call those things on the top of the TV rabbit ears, why not cat ears? When was the last time you saw a rabbit sleeping on top of the TV?
Kari: This is what you think of?
Tai: I've got to warn everyone! [Dials phone]
Woman on Phone: All circuits are busy. Try again later.
Tai: Oh, great. It's busy! [Dials another number]
Woman on Phone: All circuits are busy. Try again later.
Tai: How can that be busy too? [Dials another number]
Woman on Phone: All circuits are still busy.
Tai: Don't tell me. [Dials another number]
Woman on Phone: Did you hear me? It's busy!
Tai: I'm sorry, lady.
Logan: [while he and Beast are fighting off Magneto's forces] I thought you were a diplomat.
Hank McCoy: As Churchill said, "There comes a time when every man must..."
[pauses to fight off another baddie, then another, then another]
Hank McCoy: Oh, you get the point!
Tai: When we had to survive on our own, we grew up very fast... except for Joe, he just threw up very fast...
Eric Lensherr: Did you think you were the only one of your kind, young lady?
Charles Xavier: We're mutants, Jean. We're like you.
Young Jean Grey: Really? I doubt that.
[everything behind her begins to levitate]
Eric Lensherr: Oh, Charles, I like this one.
Izzy: (Catch phrase is Prodigious) You're going to need a password! You can use mine to get on the Internet: 'Prodigious'!
Izzy: Do you know what a semi-conducter is?
Tai: A guy who works part-time on a train?
Izzy: Never mind.
Hank McCoy: Have you even begun to think what a slippery slope you're on?
The President: I have. And I worry about how democracy survives when one man can move cities with his mind.
Hank McCoy: As do I.
Tai: Never trust anything without feet!
[talking about "The Cure"]
Logan: Well, for all we know, the government helped cook this up.
Hank McCoy: I can assure you, the government had nothing to do with this.
Logan: I've heard that before.
Hank McCoy: My boy, I have been fighting for mutant rights since before you had claws.
Logan: [to the Professor] Did he just call me boy?
Neemon: [looks down Bokomons waistband and shouts] TOCANMON?
Kari: I can't leave now, there's a magician coming over and I've already promised to get sawed in half!
Tai: Well, make sure the half with feet comes home as soon as possible!
Koromon: My name's Koromon. And we're partners.
Tai: Koromon? That means... talking head?
Koromon: It means brave little warrior. And don't forget it, Tai.
Jack Fenton: You're so excited you can't even talk. [gets no answer]
Jack Fenton: So I'll keep talking.
Tucker Foley: [after Danny has phased a car through a building] Oh sure, phase the car through the building. You just had to save the day, didn't you?
Danny Fenton: Well yeah! Because a car crashing through the twenty-eighth floor of anything is BAD!
Danny Fenton: [has just parachuted onto his aunt's farm with his dad's gift] Here you go mom. Dad left it at home so uhh... the mosquitoes wouldn't get it!
Jack Fenton: That's right!
[whispering to Danny]
Jack Fenton: Good work son. You'll get a raise in your allowance for this.
Danny Fenton: I get an allowance?
Jazz Fenton: By the way Danny, just so you know, I'm onto your little secret.
Danny Fenton: [spits out his water] What secret?
Jazz Fenton: The clumsiness, the nervousness... I can't believe I didn't figure it out before. You have a girlfriend.
Danny Fenton: It's a lie, I'm not a ghost! I mean, she's not my girlfriend. She's just going to the dance with me.
Jack Fenton: Great, I can meet her and talk to her about ghosts!
Jazz Fenton: You better let her know your family's insane now, Danny. If you marry her, and she finds out later, that's entrapment.
Tucker Foley: [Danny and Dragon Sam have destroyed the school dance] Man, I can't believe your date ditched you.
Danny Fenton: Where is Paulina anyway?
Sam Manson: [sees Paulina talking to Dash] Who cares? Look, the DJ is still playing and I think there's still time for one more dance.
[smiles at Danny]
Danny Fenton: [smiles at Sam] Sure, I'd love to.
[hands Tucker the amulet]
Danny Fenton: Hold on to this, will ya?
Sam Manson: [dancing with Danny] Promise me you'll keep your pants on?
Danny Fenton: I'll do my best.
Tucker Foley: Man, I'm dateless again! Man, what does a guy have to do to get hooked up around here?
Ghost Girl: I want to go to the ball!
Tucker Foley: On second thought, I'm not that desprete. Hey guys, can I cut in?
[Davis is commenting on a picture of Taichi when he was younger]
Davis: Hahaha, look at how cute I was when I was little!
Tai: Urm, Davis. That's me.
Davis: Oh, hehe, sorry Tai.
Jean Grey: [after examining Wolverine] The metal is an alloy called adamantium, supposedly indestructible. It's been surgically grafted to his entire skeleton.
Storm: How could he have survived a procedure like that?
Jean Grey: His mutation. He has uncharted regenerative capabilities, enabling him to heal rapidly. It also makes his age impossible to determine. He could very well be older than you, Professor.
Cyclops: Who did this to him?
Jean Grey: He doesn't know. Nor does he remember anything about his life before it happened.
Xavier: Experimentation on mutants. It's not unheard of, but I've never seen anything like this before.
Cyclops: What do you think Magneto wants with him?
Xavier: I'm not entirely sure it's him Magneto wants.
Danny Fenton: [Sam taps at his window] Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh, this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony and I can understand everything we're saying.
[Jack Fenton tries his new Ghost Translator on Danny]
Danny Fenton: Um... Um... Boo?
Ghost Translator: I am a ghost. Fear me.
Danny Fenton: [panics] Uh... I better get to school!
Ghost Translator: I better get to school. Fear me.
Davis: Veemon, why did you attack that Kuramon!?
Veemon: He looked at me weird.
Davis: He's got one eyeball! All his looks are weird!
Ghost Tracker: [Jack Fenton holds his Ghost Tracker near Danny] Ghost directly ahead. You would have to be some sort of moron to not notice the ghost directly ahead.
Danny Fenton: [over cell phone] Are you okay? We can stop by later if you want us too.
Samantha "Sam" Manson: [home sick in bed] No, that's okay. I'll be fine. Bye.
[She hangs up, then glares at the doctor, nurse and ambulance attendent standing at her bedside]
Samantha "Sam" Manson: You guys, it's just a cold!
Ambulance Attendent: [shocking himself with the pads] Clear!
Danny Fenton: [in the ghost prison cafeteria, Danny looks at a table where all the ghosts he sent back into the Ghost Zone are sitting] Great, everyone who hates me is sitting on table, just like in high school.
Danny Fenton: [after a day of strange ghost-related events at school] I can explain.
Danny Fenton: Actually, I really can't.
Johnny 13: [after Danny punches him during a staged fight to convince Kitty he wants her back] I thought this was a pretend fight.
Danny Fenton: Then pretend that didn't hurt.
Tucker Foley: [as Sam's staring daggers at Danny and Paulina, who are now a couple] You okay?
Sam Manson: Of course I am! Why would I not be okay? LOOK how HAPPY he is!
[punches a hole in a locker]
Trucker #1: Did you see that?
Trucker #2: No, I was sleeping.
Trucker #1: But you're driving!
Toad: Don't you people ever die?
Kari: I know my mom says they're always late, but they can't help it! [Her reason for Agumon wanting to blow up a bus]
Danny Fenton: [after being attacked by giant ghost scissors] I know I should be concerned, and I will be... right after the party.
Skulker: [to Danny] I planned on simply capturing you and letting you live the rest of your life in a cage, but now, I will rest your pelt at the foot of my bed.
Sam Manson: Okay, that's just gross.
[Dark Danny has revealed his true form to Jazz]
Jazz Fenton: You're not Danny. That's why the Booo-Merang wasn't honing in on you're ecto-signature. You're not Danny!
Dark Danny: I was, but I outgrew him. The Danny you know is floating helplessly in the Ghost Zone ten years in the future.
Jazz Fenton: He'll escape! He'll beat you!
Dark Danny: How? Is the answer: A. the Fenton Portal? Destroyed it. B. the only remaining portal? The one that my idiot cheesehead archenemy has? As soon as I find it, that's going too.
Jazz Fenton: Cheesehead? Vlad Masters? *He's* your archenemy?
Dark Danny: [continues] Is it: C. you? No. You can't stop me from cheating on the C.A.T. and solidifying my future, so it must be D...
[blasts Jazz away with a plasma blast]
Dark Danny: None of the above.
[Jazz faints; Dark Danny takes the C.A.T. answers form and reads the answers. A smile lights up his face]
Dark Danny: Well, what do you know? The answer to the first question *is* "D"!
[Jazz is counseling with a punk named Spike]
Jazz Fenton: Spike, you need to open up to your parents. Be true to yourself *and* them. Just tell them how you feel. I mean, it's not like they're going to attack you or anything...
[she gets caught in a net, mistaken for a ghost]
Jack Fenton: We got her! And the Fenton Grappler is working like a charm!
Maddie Fenton: [looks at Jazz] I don't understand. If Jazz is a ghost, then why hasn't she phased through the net?
Jazz Fenton: [angrily] Because I am *not* a ghost!
[takes off the net]
Jazz Fenton: You've ambushed me, suffocated me with smoke, and worse, you pulled me away from Spike before he had his breakthrough! What do you have to say for yourselves?
[pause. Jack takes out the Fenton Thermos]
Jack Fenton: Eat hot Fenton Thermos, ghost gal!
[Thermos short-curcuits, and Jack shakes it]
Jack Fenton: Darn thing still doesn't work!
[Ghost Writer has trapped Danny Phantom inside a new poem, which begins its first lines]
Ghost Writer: On the day before Christmas, in Amity Park, / Almost all there were cheery, yet one soul was dark.
Danny Fenton: Hey, that voice? It's the ghost whose book I destroyed. /
Danny Fenton: Wait! I'm trapped in this poem? Now I'm really annoyed!
[Danny flies to the Jewish Manson home, hoping Sam won't put the blame on him for attacking Christmas]
Danny Fenton: [in joy] Sam!
Ghost Writer: Danny said.
Danny Fenton: [to Ghost Writer] Oh, for crying out loud!
Sam Manson: I know. Can't you see we're all under a cloud? / Every present we had, in the chimney up through it! / That might work for you, but that's not how we do it!
Ghost Writer: And Sam saw sad faces on Mom, Dad, and Granny, / So I typed on my keyboard that the blame was on Danny!
[Ghost Writer conrtols Sam by her anger]
Sam Manson: [angrily] You! You did this?
Danny Fenton: [shouts] Are you out of your mind?
Sam Manson: [shouts] You're the holiday scrooge! Do you think that I'm blind?
Ghost Writer: And Danny and Sam found themselves in a spat. / But before Dan could calm her, I soon realized that / A new threat was needed to cut through the noise; / And what better way than attack of the toys?
[Ghost Writer brings all the toys from each building to attack the town, then starts forming them together. Danny and Sam stop and go outside to look at this scenery; Danny turns into Danny Phantom to find out what's going on]
Ghost Writer: From all over the town, the toys started to merge! / I'm really quite weakened when I get the urge! / On this night before Christmas, a brand new attacker! / And now, face the wrath of my monster nutcracker!
[the controlled toys form a giant Nutcracker, which comes to life and attacks
Danny Phantom: [surprised] Aw, nuts!
[he starts running away from the monster]
Ghost Writer: Danny cried, as he started to run. /
Ghost Writer: Must we end every scene with a terrible pun?
[the poem is closing with its last lines]
Danny Fenton: [narrating] And then I thought, maybe this is the moral. / In the same way my folks loved their old Christmas quarrel. / Everyone celebrates in the way of their choosing. / I was so busy whining, I started abusing / The ones I loved most and I ruined their cheer. /
Danny Fenton: I'll try to be better, come Christmas next year.
[thus ends the poem; Danny, Sam, Jazz and Tucker gather together at the last page which says "The End."]
Sam Manson: Um, nice sentiment, but what are you, a greeting card?
Tucker Foley: Yeah, why are you talking in rhyme?
Jazz Fenton: Such a dork.
Danny Fenton: [realizing] We're not talking in rhyme?
[starts getting jubliant]
Danny Fenton: We're not talking in rhyme!
[the book closes, and Ghost Writer is glad his new poem is finished. A cell mate inches close to him as he wants to look at the new book he has completed, but Ghost Writer turns away from him]
Walker: [greets him] Orange?
Ghost Writer: [scared] Aahh! Get that thing away from me!
Tucker Foley: [notices the haunted TV remote bought at Danny's garage sale is floating] I'm not schooled in the ways of the rich, but do all your remotes do that?
Sam Manson: No. Well, my toaster does, but it's from Denmark.
Sam Manson: [not realizing yet that Danny's under a love spell] Wait, I know that look. That's that same, longing, puppy-dog stare you give Paulina.
Danny Fenton: Who's Paulina?
Sam Manson: Well, that's a pleasant side effect.
[the ghost pirates have kidnapped adults all over Amity personally]
Paulina: Hey, they got my parents!
Dash: Mine too!
Kwan: Cool! Party at Dash's house!
Paulina: Like, what is wrong with you?! [pushes Kwan over]
Sam Manson: Sorry about that stupid fight. Can we forget it ever happened?
Danny Fenton: [quoting Desiree's catchphrase] So you wish it, so shall it be.
[they both blush]
Tucker Foley: Hey, I'm right here.
Logan: Everybody get out of here!
Logan: I can't move.
Star: [cheerleading, while fighting pirates] Ready? Okay! We hate pirates, yes we do! We hate pirates, how 'bout you?
Paulina: Danny, you never said whether or not you were coming to my quincenera on Friday.
Danny Fenton: That's because when you invited me, I thought you were joking.
[After the ghost pirates steal the ghost shield generator]
Youngblood: Fall back, me hearties. We got da...got da...What's the word?
Youngblood: Ha, you said booty! [laughs]
[A panicking man and his wife run into a box store.]
Man: We need boxes! And lots of them!
The Box Ghost: [floats down from the ceiling] Never!
Jazz: See? This toxic home environment is making him a nervous wreck!
Jazz: He needs a normal family outing! One that has nothing to do with ghosts!
Danny: Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here?!
[invisible Youngblood pokes Danny]
Danny: AND WILL YOU STOP POKING ME?!
Maddie: I don't know, Jazz, honey. Sure Danny seems a little high-strung but I'm sure it's nothing we can't work out here...
[Youngblood pokes Danny again]
Danny: Back off, punk! [snatches an ecto-gun and fires it all around the lab]
Jack & Maddie & Jazz: [find cover behind piles of boxes]
Maddie: [to Jazz] I'll get the sleeping bags.
Jack: And I'll get that ghost hunting equipment!
Maddie & Jazz: [shoot Jack disapproving glares]
Jack: And by ghost hunting equipment, I mean..Uhh...The other sleeping bags!
[to Zero, who shot the Hudsons]
Logan: Those were good people back there. Innocent people.
Zero: [laughs] It's funny how innocent people tend to die around you!
[Logan stops, and uses his claws to ignite gasoline and blow up Zero's copter]
Danny Fenton: Not getting invited to a party is one thing, but not getting invited to a party at my own house?
Danny Fenton: [to Tucker and Sam] Did you see the way all those ghost hunters were laughing at him? How embarrassing! We're gonna have to live with my dad's goof-ups for the rest of our lives! [pause and Jack walks up behind him]
Danny Fenton: He's standing right behind me, isn't he?
Sam Manson: [to Danny] You don't feel that way about me and I don't feel that way about you.
Danny Fenton: So why are you still holding my hands?
Super Danny: [about Technus] We have to stop him!
Fun Danny: Tried it! Didn't work. Back to bowling.
Tucker: It'll be fun?
Sam: You'll get to hit stuff?
Fun Danny: Sweet.
Tucker: Quick, hide! [shoves both Dannys into a closet]
Sam: No, just one of you.
Tucker: I call the fun Danny!
Sam: I call the -- darn it!
William Stryker: Your country needs you.
Logan: I'm Canadian.
Danny: You have now stooped to my level. Thank you for shopping Fenton Mart
Jack: Where is he? Where's our son?
Maddie: What have you done to our boy?!
Dark Danny: [laughing] Ha, ha, ha! I am your boy!
Dark Danny: What kind of parents were you anyway? The world's leading ghost experts, and you couldn't even figure out that your own son was half-ghost!
Jack: [to Maddie] For the record, I blame you.
Danny: [after KOing future versions of his foes with a Ghostly Wail and detransforming] Whoa... [looks at them] My voice is changing... great,[transforms back] now I'm going through Evil Puberty. Everywhere I go my evil future is smacking me in the face! [hit on the back of the head with the Booo-Merang] OWW!
Logan: [as he's fighting Gambit] Well, that's a nice stick.
[cuts Gambit's bo staff in half]
Danny: [looking at a giant purple football covering the entrance to the portal] Well, that's Vlad for ya. Subtle as a flying mallet.
Observant 1: He has the answers to the test.
Observant 2: He's clearly going to cheat.
Observant 1: He has your time medallion.
Observant 2: He has your time medallion.
Clockwork: You said that twice.
Danny: [to the ghosts] I'm trapped in this story. The guy's off his nut.
Skulker: He ought to know better.
Box Ghost: Let's go kick his butt!
[Danny shoves an orange into Walker's mouth, hoping to end the ghost fight]
Ghost Writer: [typing] Young Danny thought quickly and picked up an orange. He threw it at Walker who...[stops typing and thinks]
Ghost Writer: [angry] Aw, crud! Nothing rhymes with orange!
Jazz: I got you, Crate Creep!
Box Ghost: Crate Creep? I am the Box Ghost! Who are you! [to Danny] No, seriously, who is she?
Danny Fenton: Skulker and Technus? Together?
Tucker Foley: Is that an eww, or a yikes?
Danny Fenton: Definitely a yikes!
Victor Creed: [to Logan when they are about to get executed] Wake me when it's over.
Mr. Lancer: [after an invisible Tucker pulls several pranks on him] Gulliver's Travels, I'm losing my mind! [Tucker, still invisible, pulls his pants down] And my pants!
Logan: Are you Remy LeBeau?
Remy LeBeau: Do I owe you money?
Remy LeBeau: Then Remy LeBeau, I am.
Technus: The Car-Puter! It will drive you to your DOOM!
Box Lunch: I am Box Lunch! Daughter of The Box Ghost and The Lunch Lady!
Danny Fenton: Um, eww!
[Danny breaks Poindexter's mirror to prevent his return]
Mr. Lancer: Fenton, that's school property!
[Danny and his friends turn to face him and a group of angry students.]
Danny: I can explain! [pause] Actually, I really can't.
Maddie: [to Danny] You're constantly late getting home...
Jack: You're shrinking from your chores...
Maddie: Your grades are slipping...
Jack: You're shrinking from your chores...
Danny: You already said chores.
Jack: I know, but when you don't do 'em, I get stuck with 'em.
[Jazz is riding home in excitement, with Danny feeling disappointed]
Jazz Fenton: Wow! Isn't this great? We just caught three ghosts tonight!
Danny Fenton: No, actually, you've just caught one ghost, three times, all of them me!
Box Ghost: I am no longer the Box Ghost! I am now... [Grabs Sam's mechanical frog] ...the Mechanical Frog Ghost! [Frog shorts out]Uh... I changed my mind! I am once again the Box Ghost! And will have nothing to do with mechanical amphibians! [Disappears]
Danny: Now there's someone who knows exactly who he is.
Greymon: I'm Greymon now.
Tai: You can be whoever you want Big Guy.
Wade Wilson: Great. Stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet.
William Stryker: Oh, Wade.
Wade Wilson: Dreams really do come true.
William Stryker: Just shut it! You're up next.
Wade Wilson: Thank you, sir. You look really nice today. It's the green. It brings out the seriousness in your eyes.
Logan: Oh, my God. Do you ever shut up, pal?
Wade Wilson: No. Not when I'm awake.
Maddie: And Jack? Please try not to trash the house while I'm gone.
Jack: I sucked the house into a parallel dimension ONE TIME, and you just can't let it go, can you?
Danny: I'm going...to become ghostly!
Sam: It's...going ghost.
Danny Fenton: Ahhh, Nasty Burger, our safe haven. Away from the worries of...
[Jazz bursts through the door]
Jazz Fenton: Danny, run!
Danny Fenton: Run? Why should I...
[everyone stares at the door, and soon after Jack and Maddie come in here in 80's clothes, with Jack looking like Flavor Flav and Maddie looking like 80's Madonna]
Jack and Maddie Fenton: Dude!
[everyone in the Nasty Burger gasps and starts laughing; Jazz and Danny are hiding, embarrassed]
Jazz Fenton: If anyone asks, I'm related to you.
Sam Manson: Okay, but you're gonna have to be a lot less cheery.
[80's Jack and Maddie hug their son Danny tightly]
Danny Fenton: [to Jazz] If I pass out, I give you permission to not resuscitate me.
Vlad: [about Sam and Tucker, infected with ecto-acne] They're running out of time, you know.
Danny: [suddenly smiling] Time? That gives me a great idea!
[scene shifts to Clockwork's tower]
Clockwork: No. That's a horrible idea. I'm the ghost of time, not the ghost of miracle cures.
Danny: [to the dragon ghost] Take it easy, Paulina. You don't wanna hurt Sam-- [notices Paulina in dragon ghost's hand] Paulina? [to dragon ghost]Sam?
Sam: [As dragon ghost] Shallow girl!
Danny: Yep, that's Sam.
[Danny returns to Jack's house after changing the past to find the house deserted]
Danny Fenton: Mom? Dad? Jazz? Anyone?
[he gasps as Jack runs in, his face covered in ecto-acne]
Jack Fenton: [shouts] Nobody trespasses on Jack Fenton's property!
Danny: Dad, relax!
Jack: [confused and sad] Dad? I don't have a son; I'm single! Bitterly, bitterly single.
Danny:You are? [to himself] Jeez, that explains... almost everything.
[sees Jack's ecto-acne and points at it]
Danny: Uh, is that ecto-acne?
Jack: [angry] It's a condition... that you shouldn't know about!
[grabs Danny by the collar of his shirt]
Jack: [shouts] How do you know about ecto-acne? Talk!
Danny: I'm your son! I know all about the accident in Wisconsin... that shouldn't have happened.
Jack: [angry] Oh, it happened, all right!
[throws Danny onto the ground in anger]
Jack: And my life went straight down the flusher from that day on!
[turns into Jack Plasmius]
[Jack starts attacking Danny]
Danny Fenton: [shouts] Wait, it's me, Danny, your son!
[dodges another shot fired by Jack]
Jack Plasmius: [shouts] Lies! I do not have a son! And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't name him Danny. That's dumb.
Danny Fenton: [angry] Okay, I don't want to do this in front of you, but... Going ghost!
[Danny turns into Danny Phantom, and Jack sees him, surprised but angry]
Jack Plasmius: You're a ghost? I hate ghosts!
[continues attacking Danny]
Jack Plasmius: And if it wasn't for ghosts, I wouldn't have lost the love of my life!
[knocks Danny into the basement in the basement Danny sees a newspaper with the article of Maddie's marriage to Vlad]
Danny: I didn't destroy the past... I destroyed the present!
Super Danny: Dueling doppolgangers! What's wrong with your half of our mind?!
Cool Danny: Dude, I'm not the one wearing a bedsheet.
[Jack and Maddie see Vlad, Sam, and Tucker's ecto-acne]
Maddie: There's only one place that treats ecto-acne!
Danny: [hoping] Please say "hospital", please say "hospital".
[scene shifts to FentonWorks in quarantine]
Danny: [disappointed] Why didn't she just say "hospital"?
[Creed has a drink in a bar after killing Silver Fox]
Bartender: You're not from around here, are you?
Victor Creed: [carving a smiley face into the table] What gave me away?
Logan: [outside, having tracked Creed down] VICTOR!
Victor Creed: [to the bartender] You got insurance on this place?
Bartender: Insurance? No.
Victor Creed: Too bad...
[Logan crashes into the bar]
[Vlad attacks Jack Plasmius and ties Danny Phantom to the torture chamber]
Vlad Masters: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave, molecule by molecule!
[Vlad terribly damages Jack Plasmius and the Ghost Portal with the device's ecto laser, and Maddie runs up to the fallen Jack Fenton]
Maddie Masters: Jack!
Jack Plasmius: No... It's all right, Maddie... Just remember... what could have been...
[seemingly passes away, and Maddie goes to Vlad in revenge]
Maddie Masters: You despicable, lying piece of... cheese! I've wasted the best years of my life with you!
Vlad Masters: [in a fake tone of voice] Now, Maddie, I may be a lying piece of cheese, but I'm still your husband.
Maddie Maters: [grabs Vlad and lifts him up] Consider *this* an annulment!
[she throws Vlad into the Ghost Zone, where he sees ghosts]
Vlad Masters: Why, hello there. Did I ever tell you that I love ghosts?
[ghosts angrily surround Vlad, seemingly killing him]
[Vlad, Sam, and Tucker are cured of ecto-acne by the Ecto Purifier]
Vlad Masters: I knew you'd come through, Daniel. All it took was the proper motivation. Of course, I'm still weak beyond measure, so... bygones?
[Danny grins mischievously at him; the next scene shows Vlad Plasmius screaming as Danny Phantom knocks him into the air]
Danny Phantom: [casually] Bygones.
William Stryker: You were sentenced for decapitating a senior officer. The warden tells me that your sentence was carried out by a firing squad at 1000 hours. How'd that go?
Logan: It tickled.
Freakshow: Au contraire. That's French for "I bet this hurts".
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