Poll: Do you like answering polls? If no one says no to this, I'll think you all luuuuuv doing polls! Just ignore my little comments on the poll choices... :D :D :D Vote Now!
Author has written 5 stories for Warriors, and Misc. Books.
I luv Harry Potter, The secrets of Nicholas Flamel, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, RANGER'S APPRENTICE!!!!!!! SONIC!, Ummmmm... something..., Cookies (yum!), Fanfiction net, YouTube XD, and other stuff that I will remember later.
For those of you can't tell, I'm a girl.
I am a Christian and am proud of it. Jesus Christ is my Savior.
God Bless all of you. :)
Now for the copy paste thingymabobers. (Who started these anyway?)
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you wonder who started the copy paste things copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have fallen up your stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being incredibly dumb, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you like pie, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your day isn't complete without terrifying a complete stranger, copy and paste this into your profile.
Did you know that the average american reads three books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this into your profile. (GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! 3. FREAKING. BOOKS???? I READ MORE THAN THAT IN A WEEK!)
If you're a human that thinks humans in general are stupid, copy and paste this into your profile. (We're killing the world!)
Copy and paste if you just wanted to copy and paste this.
Crazy? I was crazy once! I would sing stupid songs at school, then read books on how to read! But then I died, and people put daisies on my grave, and one is bending down and tickling me on my nose, so I'm giggling and everyone is scared of me because I'm dead and I'm not supposed to be giggling so no more daisies! I know, I'm crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once! Copy and paste this into your profile if this applies to you, and you know it does.
If you think Justin Beiber is a girl, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. (10 min straight!)
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
Warning - Beware of dog. Cat is not trustworthy either.
SUPPORT THE BUNNY!
( )( )
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. We have cookies!
Stop the Pairing Wars!
By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people whom like them.
You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.
You shalt have your opions but shalt not insult pairings. You shalt avoid them if you hate them.
You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.
You shalt paste this in your profile.
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
I cdnuo'lt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The pahomoneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! Tah'ts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Fun Things to do at a Store:
1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart
Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms
2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
12) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"
13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
19) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.
20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".
28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.
29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
30) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
31.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
32.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
33.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a
34.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
35.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
36.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
37.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
38.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
39.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
40.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
41.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
42.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
43.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
44.)Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
45.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
46.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “
47.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
48.). I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
49.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
50.)Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
51.)Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
52.)I may not have a private army.
53.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
54.)Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
55.)I am not the wicked witch of the west.
56.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
57.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
58.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
59.)I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
60.)I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
61.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
62.) I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
63.) - Especially not all of them at once.
64.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
65.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."
66.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
67.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
68.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
69.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
70.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
71.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
72.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
73.)Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
74.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
75.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
76.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
77.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
78.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
79.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
80.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.
81.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
82.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
83.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
84.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
85.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
86.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
87.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
88.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
89.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
90.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
91.)I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
92.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry
93.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
94. I may not speak Latin in front of the books.
95. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good
96. May not insinuate that all beautiful American exchange students to Gryffindor or Slytherin House in Harry Potter's
97. I am not possesed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth.
98. -Neither is The Fat Lady.
99. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong is indecent.
100. -Especially if I can't.
101. If someone's House Badge is green and mine is purple, it means they are in Slytherin House. It does not mean "The
102. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on the school grounds, not even
103. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".
104. -Neither does he respond favorably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".
105. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
106. Hagrid does not have relationships with magical creatures, and I should stop implying that he does.
107. I am not authorised to sell incriminating pictures of the faculty to students.
108. -Giving the same pictures out free of charge is also frowned upon.
109. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.
110. House Elf stew is not on the Hogwarts menu, neither is Niffler Curry, so I should stop asking.
111. A wand is for magic only; it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored
112. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape's personal postbox.
113. I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder."
114. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
115. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"
116. My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf."
117. Neville is not my valet.
118. When given a directive by my house prefect, I should not insist that "we don't need no stinking badges."
119. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
120. I will not threaten the Fat Lady with Dip.
121. House ghosts do not regularly "slime" anyone.
122. Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.
123. There is no "open-mike night" at Hogwarts.
124. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.
125. There is no bring a muggle to school day.
126. And I should stop insisting there is.
127. I should not ask Professor McGonagall if, while in cat form, she has ever coughed up a hairball.
128. I must not spread rumors that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death Eater circles as "Dobby's
129. The fact that Draco Malfoy is short, blond, pale-eyed and rat-faced is no reason for me to tell the Slytherins
130. I will not say that Harry Potter's godfather has "taken the veil."
131. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout,
132. I will not refer to any Death Eaters as "Trixie.
133. -Even if it is a legitimate nickname.
134. I will not tell the Muggleborn first-years that the Forbidden Forest's real name is Mirkwood.
135. I must not start a "Vetinari for Minister of Magic" campaign.
136. I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom.
137. I should not tell anyone that Dean Thomas's nickname is John.
138. I will not go to any fundamentalist websites and argue that Voldemort is a direct contradiction of the concept of
139. The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
140. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from "Phantom of
141. I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine.
142. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life." to Lord Voldemort.
143. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
144. I will not send pictures of magical creatures to the Weekly World News.
145. I will not cover myself in ectoplasm and walk out of a fireplace, saying I took the "Flu Network".
146. I will not refer to "The Grim" as a nice doggy.
147. I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy.
148. I will not ask Professor Sprout where the Jolly Green Giant is.
149. I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The
150. I am not permitted to utter the line: "Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a _ out of my hat!" during Charms class.
151. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.
152. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
153. Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
154. I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it.
155. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".
156. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real mother.
157. I will not enchant the telescopes on the Astronomy Tower to display non-existent constellations during O.W.L. exams.
158. Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster", not "My Liege".
159. A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
160. Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
161. Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
162. Professor McGonagall does not have an inappropriate relationship with Mrs. Norris.
163. I will not create a pin-up calendar of the Slytherin girls and call it "Voldie's Angels".
164. Professor Flitwick has heard all the "swish and flick" jokes before, and is very, very tired of them.
165. I will not send Professor Snape toothpaste and Shampoo for Christmas.
166. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
167. I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
168. I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as Catwoman, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather.
169. -Nor will I ask her if she is Catwoman in disguise.
170. I am not to ask if Lord Voldemort is secretly Hitler or Osama bin Laden.
171. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.
172. I will not die the Death Eaters robes pink.
173. Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is
174. Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
175. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
176. Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on the walls is not funny, either.
177. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner
178. Not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
179. I am not allowed to eat lollipops within Professor Snape's sight ever again.
180. I will never again use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas.
181. -Or tomatoes, plums, oranges, or any other food item. Or any other item that is not a Bludger.
182. I may not have a private army.
183. -Not even if it technically belongs to someone else.
184. I should not encourage the house-elves to unionize.
185. I must stop referring to the professors by the embarrassing nicknames they acquired in their school days.
186. I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
187. Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
188. "Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an
189. Portable Swamps are not funny.
190. Revel fires are to be danced around. It is not appropriate to dispose of old love letters or other sensitive
191. Bubotubers are not filled with tasty honey, and it is wrong to tell First Years that they are.
192. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying, "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.
193. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy, he does not need to be told... again.
194. Stealing first-years' clothing and then tossing it into and around the whomping willow is highly frowned at.
195. Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts.
196. Sneaking slugs into Ron's food is not funny. He does not like being reminded of his incident.
197. Trying to out-argue a Slytherin will lead to no good.
198. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.
199. I am not the wicked witch of the west.
200. -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
201. I will not melt if water is poured over me.
202. -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
203. I do not have a Cyberman Patronus.
204. I am not a Wirn animagus, either.
205. I will not ask Aragog if he came from Metabelis III.
206. -Or if he has any pretty blue crystals.
207. "Nessie is actually a cyborg created by the Zygons" is not an appropriate thing to say in Care of Magical
208. While it is appropriate to refer to Voldemort as "Master" while in his service, Voldemort and The Master are not
209. I cannot substitute Prydonian robes for my Hogwarts uniform.
210. -Nor can my winter scarf be longer than standard issue.
211. I cannot attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
212. -Or transform a pepperpot into a Dalek.
213. Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is.
214. -That goes double when Draco Malfoy is within earshot.
215. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.
216. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
217. I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.
218. My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills.
219. No part of the school uniform is edible.
220. -Not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.
221. Not allowed to take house points from firsties for "being too goddamned short".
222. Never, ever, attempt to correct Professor Moody about anything.
223. I must not refer to Headmaster Dumbledore as "Mum".
224. -Nor Professor Snape.
225. Not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.
226. -Not allowed to use silencing charms my Prefects.
227. -Not allowed to use silencing charms, period.
228. Not allowed to prophesy the end of the world more than once.
229. Will not offer to sell Hagrid new creatures.
230. -Especially not if I actually have them.
231. Madame Hooch's name is just that, a name. Will not ask her to share.
232. -Also will not ask her to fly under the influence.
233. Will not try to recreate the Whomping Willow in herbology class.
234. Astronomy class will not cause me to be abducted by aliens.
235. Will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour.
236. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
237. I am not allowed to charm the words Ferret Boy onto Dracos forehead.
238. I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets.
239. Especially if it is only a one-way ticket.
240. Singing 99 Bottles of Potion on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in a detention.
241. Playgirl and Playboy are not on the reading list for muggle studies.
242. Woad and other camoflage/body paints are not needed for DADA.
243. I may not challenge prefects to Meet me on the Quidditch field, at dawn.
244. I shouldn't throw Fanged-Frisbees in the Great Hall.
245. I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
246. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born, even if I have access to a time turner.
247. I should not show up at the front gate wearing part of another houses uniform, messily drunk.
248. -Even if my prefect did it.
249. I will not only wear "Wizard hat, open robe & tie" and call it an authorized uniform.
250. Teaching exchange students to taunt other Hufflepuffs is not nice.
251. When detained by dementors, I do not have a right to a strip search.
252. Do not dare first years to eat bugs. They will always do it.
253. I will not refer to McGonagall as "the cat-girl.
254. - Nor will I attempt to stop her transformation part way through.
255. - The same goes for Hermione.
256. I will not hand red shirts to the new DADA professor and claim that they're the standard uniform for the
257. I will not use invisibility charms on anyones clothing.
258. I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
259. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
260. I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
261. - Especially not all of them at once.
262. I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
263. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos.
264. It doesn't matter if he is going on vacation; I will not comment about how the Minister of Magic is "packing.
265. The Giant Squid is not to be referred to as 'my lord Cthulhu', nor am I allowed to sacrifice first years to it on
266. I will not attempt to set up a mobile phone mast on the Astronomy Tower.
267. - Likewise the satellite dish.
268. The Slytherin Gift to Virgins is fictional, and I should not be asking Draco Malfoy or any of the other Slytherin
269. The Muggle known as George W. Bush is not related to or working for Lord Voldemort in any way, and I am to stop insinuating that he is.
270. I will stop sending Professor Snape forged love notes that appear to be from Professor Lupin.
271. I will stop asking Professor Lupin exactly what goes on between him and Professor Snape when he brings him the Wolfsbane potion every month.
272. Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.
273. Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.
274. Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
275. I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris.
276. I am not to stare at the Great Hall ceiling during dinner in the winter and cry 'My god, it's full of stars!'
277. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's
278. - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.
279. -Especially not with kazoos.
280. The research and manufacture of mind-altering substances will not gain me extra credit in Potions.
281. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an
282. When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
283. Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
284. I am not to hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout 'I... GOT... THE... POWER!'
285. I am not a Vampire Slayer and Professor Lupin is not my Watcher.
286. -I am not to attempt to stake Professor Snape.
287. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout 'To the Batmobile, Robin!'
288. - Or 'Thunder, Thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, HO!'
289. Professor Flitwick is not to be referred to as the 'Dungeon Master'.
290. I will not try to convert my housemates to Christianity.
291. -Or Wicca.
292. -This does not mean that my religious rights are being violated.
293. I am not allowed to hit Bludgers at spectators.
294. -Or the referee.
295. I will not commit crimes and then say I was under the Imperius curse.
296. I will not insult people and then say I was given Veritaserum.
297. -I will not give people Veritaserum.
298. The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.
299. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
300. I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.
301. -neither is Dumbledore
302. The house elves are not there to do my homework.
303. -Neither are the ghosts.
304. I am not a magical creature.
305. -neither is Professer Snape
306. I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child.
307. Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die.
308. Seamus Finnegan does not have a pot of gold under his bed.
309. -Or under his robe.
310. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.
311. Grindewald is not my role model.
312. -Neither is Voldemort.
313. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.
314. I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.
315. -Including my own.
316. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class.
317. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley.
318. "All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts.
319. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.
320. I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true.
321. Professor Snape's problem is not that "he needs to get laid".
322. Draco Malfoy is not a ferret animagus.
323. Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
324. -Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
325. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time.
326. Providing Peeves with a case of dungbombs was a socially irresponsible action, and I will not do it again.
327. Shouting random Latin phrases while waving my wand is not acceptable charms research.
328. Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at night and shave it off.
329. -Likewise, it is unkind to make the aforementioned hair into a wig and wear it to potions class.
330. -Nobody cares that it makes me feel "pretty".
331. Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not.
332. Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine.
333. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
334. I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
335. "OMGWTF" is not a spell.
336. Cornelius Fudge does not appreciate being called "Fudgie the Whale.
337. Shouting "Accio Dobby!" is not the proper way to get house-elf assistance.
338. I will not go into Dumbledore's pensieve looking for graphic faculty smut.
339. It is not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
340. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.
341. The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much
342. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
343. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
344. I am not allowed to scare the first-years by screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are in the showers.
345. I am not allowed to forget my Omnioculars in either the boys' or the girl's bathroom. Especially not while they are in recording mode.
346. I am not allowed to leave the catnip out in Professor McGonagall's class.
347. I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent.
348. I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
349. I will not give Professor McGonagall catnip, hairball medicine or string for Christmas, no matter how much I think she will like them.
350. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing.
351. -Not even if I want to try to convince others he's going senile
352. I will not ask if Professor Lupin has had all his shots, such as rabies. Nor will I ask it of Professor
353. I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that matter doing any other activity.
354. Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is
355. Telling people that Professor Snape is an animagus and turns into a snake is not recommended.
356. Please do not tell 1st years that the fried chicken is really Kentucky Fried Owl.
357. I will not get a muggle tattoo artist to tattoo the Dark Mark on any part of my body.
358. I will not tell 1st year Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast. Or any other meal. And
359. Singing "Wild Thing, you make my heart sing" whenever you see Professor Lupin is not allowed, even though he likes it.
360. Please stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student.
361. I am not to "walk on water" in front of muggles.
362. I will not compel Seamus Finnegan to pursue people asking them for their Lucky Charms.
363. I am not to tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights of Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have my friends/other
364. Draco Malfoy is not a vampire.
365. -Especially not a vampire named 'Spike'.
366. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes.
367. Pinning Confederate flags to the backs of Death Eater masks is not wise.
368. Voldemort does not wish to appear in a Visine commercial.
369. -Or as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics.
370. Hogwarts is in the UK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore,
371. The ceiling of the Great Hall would not look better as an Omni IMAX dome.
372. Calling Voldemort "Baldemort" is inappropriate.
373. When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'.
374. I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
375. Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.
376. -So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.
377. Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
378. I cannot be a Heffalump animagus.
379. Cannot lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.
380. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom.
381. Cannot charm all dictionaries to have: "Gryffindor" as the definition of "gullible.
382. Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.
383. Robes are not optional.
384. Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Quidditch match.
385. There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".
386. -Even if I do conjure him up.
387. Leaving mash notes signed "Your secret admirer, Harry" in Neville Longbottom's books is both unfunny and cruel.
388. I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by.
389. -Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song.
390. -Or "Eight is Enough".
391. Asking the Weasley twins, "So do you do everything together?" is ill advised.
392. Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable.
393. I will not ask the school to sponsor a break dancing crew.
394. Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served.
395. Getting Colin Creevey drunk and steering him toward a sleeping Harry Potter is just a bad idea all around.
396. -Then using his camera to take incriminating photos is not nice.
397. Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!" is not funny.
398. -Even if Luna Lovegood does say, "Yes, I thought so too."
399. I am not a Balrog animagus.
400. The house never did fall on Professor Umbridge's sister, nor is she suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder
401. I may not try to find out if any of the owls are David Bowie in animagus form.
402. I will not ask people what their daemons are.
403. I will not offer Professor McGonagall lasagna.
404. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house.
405. I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room.
406. I will not poison first years. No matter how much I think they need it.
407. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.
408. I will not tempt Ravenclaws with apples. I will also not say that the Slytherins have tempted other students with apples.
409. Frankenstein is not required reading for DADA classes.
410. -Neither is Dracula.
411. I will not try to explain the laws of physics, not even for the sake of argument.
412. If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" I will be Obliviated.
413. Using the 'Petrificus Totalus' curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the House means you should watch your back until June.
414. -Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break.
415. -If Lee Jordan was there too, you're going to need a bodyguard.
416. I will not claim to be able to see the Thestrals if I cannot.
417. -I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they
418. I am not to tell Muggleborn first-years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans taste better when one eats a whole handful simultaneously.
419. I will not take out a life insurance policy on any Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
420.I will not attempt to repel Dementors by covering myself in chocolate body paint.
421. I will not sneak up behind Draco and Harry while they are in their Staring Snarky Yelling Matches and yell, "SLASH SLASH SLASH! LET'S SEE SOME SLASH!"
422. I will not give Hagrid Pokmon cards and convince him that they are real animals
423. -Likewise, I will not tell First Year Muggle-borns that Pokmon battles are a part of the Care of Magical Creatures curriculum
424. I am not qualified to perform exorcisms on Hogwarts ghosts, and attempting to do so will merely offend them.
425. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy".
426. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
427. Telling Draco Malfoy to "make like a ferret and bounce" is always a bad idea.
428. The Crucible is not summer reading for History of Magic, and I should not tell First Years that it is.
429. "You might be a Pureblood if..." jokes will get me in trouble, especially in front of Slytherins.
430. I will not play the Darth Vader theme for Professor Snape.
431. - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
432. The bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove
433. If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a
434. - I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
435. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror.
436. -Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is inappropriate.
437. -Especially if he's wearing it.
438. Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate.
439. -I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
440. Comparing Draco Malfoy to Alex Krycek, Lindsay McDonald, Lex Luthor or any similar character is not an appropriate
441. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.
442. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle's first names are, respectively, Draco, Vincent and Gregory, not Larry, Darryl and
443. The Slytherin Quidditch team should not be referred to as "Draco Malfoy and a moderate amount of cross-dressing".
444. -Even if that is an accurate description.
445. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
446. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.
447. I am not allowed to spank others.
448. -Even if Malfoy liked it.
449. No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not indulge in fun with duct tape.
450. -This goes double for superglue.
451. I am not to dance naked in the great hall.
452. -Or on the grounds.
453. -or anywhere else
454. -Generally, dancing naked is wrong.
455. Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth.
456. -While in the company of goblins, I must not demand that I be taken to Jareth.
457. -Nor shall I tell them "You remind me of the babe.
458. Draco Malfoy no longer requires a nanny, nor does he need tucking in and "a bit of a cuddle" at bedtime.
459. - Not even if he insists that he does. And that his father has hired me to provide said service.
460. I am not to call Hogwarts "the most covert anti-Death Eater organization on the planet.
461. I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"
462. I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
463. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
464. I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they
465. I will not ask Dobby why he doesn't look more like Orlando Bloom.
466. - Nor will I ask him if he works for Santa Claus in the off-season.
467. I will not invite Professor Snape to a midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".
468. -The same goes double for Voldemort.
469. -Likewise, I will no longer be permitted to refer to Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange as Riff Raff and
470. -Especially to their faces.
471. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Lupin's office door.
472. Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being called 'Ferret Boy'
473. -Or 'The Blond Boy Wonder'
474. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.'
475. Sending love notes to Professor Snape and signing them 'With Love, Draco Malfoy' is not appropriate.
476. -Neither is signing them with: 'I had a great time last night, Argus Filch.'.
477. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable.
478. -Especially if the song is 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty'.
479. Or 'I'm too sexy'.
480. I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal
481. Lucius Malfoy's cane is not a 'pimp cane'.
482. I must never sneak up behind Draco Malfoy and coo "How's my Blondie-Bear?"
483. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is
484. It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says `All the good-looking ones die young` with a picture
485. I am not to tell Draco that I know all about his affair with Hermione Granger.
486. -Especially if it's not true.
487. -I also cannot sell the story to Rita Skeeter.
488. -Or owl Lucius, Narcissa, or Bellatrix with the imaginary details
489. A ferret is not a proper Christmas gift for Draco Malfoy.
490. -Asking Mad-Eye Moody to turn Malfoy back into a ferret so I could keep him as a pet was not appropriate, either.
491. -Giving Draco a bowl of ferret pellets with his dinner was not an act of kindness, nor was it funny.
492. Voldemort is not my homeboy.
493. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in
494. Asking Harry how his parents are doing is just cruel.
495. Repeat: Draco and Harry are not secret lovers. Draco and Harry are not secret lovers.
496. Dont tell Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs that Lucius Malfoy goes around singing "Dance, Dark Lord, Dance".
497. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to get a room every time they start fighting.
498. -Nor will I say this to Harry and Snape.
499. -Or Harry and Draco.
500. Draco Malfoy does not smell almost subliminally of summer peaches.
501. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.
502. Using Love potion number nine on people are illigal. Therefore I should not make Harry fall in love with Pansy
503.Draco does not take singing requests, therefore I should stop asking him to sing "Tearing Up My Heart"
504. -or any other songs
505. this list being used as a checklist is inappropriate, therefore i shouldn't do so
506. I will not refer to Voldemort as "Voldie-Poo"
507. I will not enchant Draco so that he looks Emo/Goth to everyone around him except himself
508.I will not Turn myself into Malfoy (Polly juice potion) and tell everyone in Hogwarts my undying love for Pansy
509. I did not see Malfoy making out with Cho, Crabb, or Goyle in the girls bathroom, therefore i should not tell Harry
510. I will not sell the sorting hat for money for ciggerates
511. I will not mix up potions and magic stuff together and make Ron drink it and tell him it is soda that tastes like
512. I will not bring an evil creature from the 8th dimension and call it my pet
513. I won't dress up in a black robe, wear a bald wig and tell people that I'm Voldemort.
514. I won't dress up as the "Dark Magician" or the "Dark Magician Girl" in class.
515. Hogwarts does NOT teach you how to banish people to the "shadow realm".
516. I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
517. - nor will I yell that there is the dark mark floating over somewhere
518. I will not walk up to Ron and Hermione and say they're the perfect couple
519. - Nor will I tell that to Harry and Ginny
520. - Nor Malfoy and Pansy
521. I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that
522. - Nor will I do the same thing with Malfoy and his blanky
523. - Nor Snape with his girly girly bunny rabbit slippers
524. I will not tell Lockheart that he is actually a dancer who stars in Swan Lake
525. I will not write Moogles instead of Muggles
526. I will not ask harry if i can have a thunder bolt scar too
527. I will not ask Malfoy is cole his brother
528. - nor snape
529. Draco is not billy idol's little brother
530. I will not ask draco if i can use his face cream531. Saying voldy is my hero is bad
532. I will not say that Harry has a female counterpart who stars in a kids education show.
533. -nor will I say that her name is Sharry Spotter.
534. I will not steal Draco's blanky
535. I will not yell i saw Draco and snape last night! in the great hall or anywere
536. I will not charm Hermione's cat to jump up and yell Rawr i'm he-who-must-not-be-named!
537. I will not try and get zombies to eat Draco
538. -nor snape
539.I will not follow anyone around saying "pimp hat" at the most random moments
540. i will not refer to Fred and George as Hikaru and Kaouru
541. Pokemon are not real, therefore I will not convince Hagrid that Pokemon are real animals so that he'll have a
542. I will not call Professor Dumbledore 'Dumbydork'.
543. I will not confuse Voldemort with Xehanort,
544. -nor will I say they are related in any way,
545. -nor mention that their names rhyme.
546. I will not yell, "Harry has a girlfriend! Harry loves Ginny!" in the great hall
547. - nor will I yell, "Ron loves Hermione!" in the great hall
548. I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
549: Luna Lovegood is NOT always on "physicidelic mushrooms" and i should stop implying that she is.
550:- the same goes for Profesore Trelawny
551:- calling that drug something else changes nothing.
552:-nor does saying they are high on some OTHER drug.
553. I will not tell Dumbledore that there are people outside the books who despise him
554. - nor will I say the same thing to Harry
555. I will not tell Voldemort that he's too freaken lazy to do stuff himself.
556. Cho is not on anti- depresants, nor should i imply that she needs them.
557. Cho's curly haired friend Marietta with her SNEAK pimples is not "before" for a mag.
558. -Rita Skeeter is not "after"
559. Dobby is not Harry's secret lover, no matter how much he wants to be.
560. Saying he's "obviously not good enough..." is just cruel.
561. calling the ASPCA about the way Ron treated Scabbers (wormtail) is pointless, as he is already dead, on the run, or a accomplise depending on where in the books you are.
562: I will not send Fainting Fancies to the Slythrin common room without a antidote, and only a card saying "to the
563:I will not blame the Ravenclaw quiditch team for the entire female population of slytherin being unconcience for no apparent reason.
564: i will not let my owl claw out the eyes of the slytherins
565: i will not let my wand run amok and paint everyones faces purple
566:i am not to call people with freckles "spotted owls"
567: i will not eat liver then throw it up on proffessor snape
568: i will not punch the wandboards until they expload
569. I will stop insisting that Snape and Hermione are secret admirors.
570. - Same goes for McGonagall and Dumbledore
571 Nearly headless nick does not approve of being called Casper the Friendly Ghost.
572 The fact that dudley didnt like his pig tail does not mean i should keep switching to differnt tails to find one he
573 If muggle children near the school WANTED their baseballs replaced with bludgers they would have said.
574 i will not convince everyone that girlnextdoor101 is a horcrux, and that for the sake of the world she MUST die.
575 i will not convince everyone that thegirlnextdoor101 is lord voldemort after drinking polyjuice
576 no matter how much i want to, i will not go into slythrin house, where i will without a doubt find
577 i will not ask real-moody if the real him would turn Malfoy into a feret just like the fake moody did.
578 if he says yes, i will not ask him to turn thegirlnextdoor101 into a racoon, a naked mole rat, a vole, or any other
579 i will not speak out about how in-humane it is to use vanishing charms on living creatures, because im sure i will just be told to "get off my soap box"
580 to actualy make a soap box to stand on, is inappropriet.
581 the sorcerers stone is destroyed and even though they are annoying, first year slytherins should not be told its
582 no one at hogwarts will buy Harry's gravy stained napkins and having proved this i will not try selling at hogsmead either.
583 even if interested buyers like colin creevy found me at diagon ally, i shouldnt be selling harry's gravy stained
584 it doesnt matter that he offered me 2 galleons, eleven sickles.
585 i will not use a time turner to hex Malfoy andthegirlnextdoor101 and then have
586 i will not bring up neopets.com and say its an informational website about a
591 i will not tell Dumbledore that his appearance is "feeding stereotypes"
592 i will not tell mr.weasly that muggles aren't worth his valuable time.
593 i will not enchant pink girly stuffed animals to go around hugging students i dont like in front of large crowds of
594 i will not tell Luna Lovegood that they are Bang Ended Scoots, and that the ministry has been breeding them to
595 i will not create a Trouble makers Hall Of Fame. As such it will not be next to the portable swamp fred and george set up, and won't have pictures of harry's dad and sirius. i will also not have people vote for best trouble maker of the year.
596: i will not sing songs that say draco is a dork
597: -same goes for the rest of the students at hogwarts
598: while at this school i will behave myself as if i were a muggle
599: i am not to go in muggle territory
600: i will not make anyone nose bleed with the charm "Nose Zap"
601: i will not try to make a cross breed between Hippogriffs and Gryphons
602: transfiguration is not for making super-ultra-hybrid betwen beavers and platapus's, beavepus's and otter,
603: just becuase moody can through wood doesnt mean i should ask him what boggartslook like
604:I am sure the mer-people have their hands full with the giant squid, so jumping
605:-likewise to "accio lock ness monster!"
606: i will not point out to harry while he struggles to figure out what the mirror of erised does to tell dumbledore,
607: I will not tell Rufus Scrimingour that gnomes are not "funny little chaps" at all.
608: to prove the point above i will not tell a crowd of gnomes that they will never be de-gnomed again if they sneak
609 i will not try to lure the basilisk into aragogs web to see what creature would make it out alive.
610: i will not sell tickets to WATCH a basilisk and a giant spider kill each other.
611 i will not find people with muggle parents who like wresteling and point out how violent and stupid it is.
612 i will not tell dumbledore that the wrestling fan attacked me first, and that i had every right to hex him.
613 i will not refer to wresting as "muggle dueling with a ref" in front of the previously mentioned fan, no matter how much i feel i need to practice the leg locker curse.
614: i will not sing the "harry potter puppet pals"
615: if i am to mess up any of these rules i will have to clean the girl and boys restroom fo 3 months while i sing
616:i will not find 1st years on the hogwarts express and say "good luck to you! i hear this year they've got a troll
617:i will not tell colin creevy to use brain.
618:i will not tell denis creevy to use his brain.
619:i will not tell denis creevy to use colin's brain.
620:i will not tell myself that i should stop saying "i will not tell"
621:I will not start to sing "From The Wall" in the middle of class and stand on the tables.
622:I will not become a rat animagus and re-name myself Yuki.
623:I will not become a cat animagus and re-name myself Kyo.
624:I will not become a dog animagus and re-name myself Shigure.
625:i will not shout the secret about Akito(found in volume 17) in the great hall, hoping to ruin it to those still
626:I will not say that Peter Pettigrew is Yuki in disguise.
627:i will not ask Professor Mcgonagle "Kyo, why do you look like a woman?"
628:i will not ask sirius how his love novels are going.
629:I will not ask Olivander how many dragons had to die befor they figured out heart strings were the things with
630:I will not write out Harry Potter series quizes for first years and say the have to leave if they don't get 100%.
631:no questions on said quiz will ask about the scar over dumbledors left knee that is a perfect map of the London
632:I will not explain how i remebered that.
633:I will not kill anyone in Hogwarts and blame Voldemort for the crime
634:i will not let emu's run rampid across the great hall
635:i will not commite suicide.
636:i will not let anyone else commite suicide.
637:I will not sing ' were off to see the wizard' while being sent to the headmaster's office
638: I will not sing "do you believe in magic" while walking to muggle studies
639:I will not switch my cauldron with hermione's when she's not looking.
640:I will not eat a 'nosebleed' treat to get outta class.
641:I will not use the room of requirment to see the inside of a volcanoe.
642: I will ask the director of the Harry Potter movies how he knew to make the Sorting Hat a boy, as I'm not sure I
643:I will stop insisting Nevilles in love with the new mandrakes.
644:Mr.Filch and Mrs.Norris DO NOT make a perfect couple.
645:I will stop looking through old Prophets to see if Snapes related to Madam Pince or Filch
646:I will not ask Proffesor Snape if he still has his gray underpants.
647:I will not teach Mr.Weasley to use a computer and have him e-mail pictures of Britney Spears to Snape saying that it's the actor who plays him in the movie.
648:and when Proffesor Snape confronts me(again)I will not yell "HEY!SEVVY HAS A
649:I will not send Dobby to Proffesor Snapes room with shampoo and conditioner.
650: especially not American Girl
651:I will not charm the great hall to play slayer when draco comes in
652:nor when snape comes in.
653:I will not use the room of requirment to host a 'snape needs some sugar' party
654:I will not try the Super Sensory charm to listen to what the other gender really talks about.
656:I will not change my appearance by magic, run in to the corridor near Snape's dungeon, and sing Scream-o songs at the top of my lungs, wait until he sees, then run.
657:When I hear Harry shouting (again) in the fifth book, I will not stick my head in and say "bad things happen to
658:I will not yell VOLDY IS MY MENTOR anywhere in hogwarts.
659:I will not use the room of requirment to have the backstreetboys play in hogwarts.
660:Luna lovegood is not on drugs
661:nor will i give her some
662:I will not blast people with balls of magic.
663:Or with any other substance.
664:And I will not sing "It's a kind of magic" while blasting people.
665:I will not sell any of these things i'm not supposed to do to first years retitaling it"Things I'm allowed to do
666:no matter which teacher I intend to share my fortune with.
667:I will not tell Harry the veil at the department of mysteries is actually a magical tranasporter that took Sirius
668:The next time I see Professors Dumbledore and Snape talking,I will not shout"Man,I knew Dumbledore was gay,but he's losing his taste"
669: even if i run very fast
670:i will only use this list for things i'm not allowed to do,not to comment that I can avoid Proffesor Snape.
671:i will not ask Sirius if his middle name is Lee
672:i will not ask Hagrid how he was created,because frankly I do not want to know
673:i will not put dead spiders in Georges ear hole.
674:-or anything else for that matter
675:i will not X ray Madam Maxime and compare her bones to a dinosaurs
676:i will not put my findings on the notice board
677:i will not play "Crank that,Soulja Boy" during potions class and ask Proffesor Snape to join in the dancing.
678: even if he does know the moves
679:Voldemort is not Hilary Clinton in disguise
680: I will not write on the front of my black notebook 'Death Note'
681: - nor will I enchant said 'Death Note' to have anyone who touches it sees a flying monster
682:I will not throw frogspawn at Nevil.
683:-nor will I throw it at anyone else.
684:I will not create the magical equavilant of a Nuclear explosion. It's just dumb.
685:I will not conjure up lemons and say "Life hath given thou LEMONS!!"
686:I will not turn anyones robes into a turtle.
687:-It being a rare breed of Painted TUrtles that could be used for breeding makes no difference.
688:I am never to introduce myself as "Talia, the Queens Own" or ask where my Companion Rolan has gone
689:- likewise refering to myself as Herald-Mage Vanyel is wrong.
690:-I will not ask Draco Malfoy if Snape is good in bed.
691:-I will also not ask about Harry Potter
692:-I will also not ask Harry Potter if Snape is good in bed.
693:-I will also not ask Snape if Lucius Malfoy is good in bed.
694:-I will not refer to Professor Snape as "Sevvykins".
696:- I will not stand on the Desk in potions class and sing "From The Wall"
697:- While doing so I may not point to Snape at "No Dark sarcasm in the class room"
698:- I may not pay Hagrid, Peeves, or any other non-teacher to burst in and say "Hey! You, Teacher! Leave those kids alone!"
699:- I will not Imply that Professor Snape is Ozzy Ozbourne.
700:- I will not ask Professor Snape how "Ozzy is"
701:- Professor Snape is in no way related to Ozzy Ozbourne.
702:- Draco Malfoy is not Billy Idol.
703:- Nor is he an Albino.
704:- Nor will I tell the first years this.
705:- I am not to tell First years that Dumbledore is Santa's brother.
706:I am not to imply that if Hogwarts had a special needs group then Dumbledors sister could have gotten help.
707:I am not to ask the house elves if the Griffindors could have Cheetos and Doritos with dinner.
708:I cannot ask the house elves to carve the ham into a human head and serve it to Slytherin.
709:Nor any other body part.
710:I will not spread the rumor that Umbridge was muggle born.
711:I won't put new born babies under the sorting hat just to confuse it.
712:I will not put owls under the sorting hat just to confuse it.
713:I will not ask which house Dumbldor was in.
714: nor will I suggest that he was in the wrong one, for we all know he is incredibly brave and extremly clever.
715:I will not ask Mrs. Pince to find me the manga section.
716:I will not bet on how many paper planes stick in professer snapes hair.
717:I did not see Pansy in the Slytherin common room singing 'I Kissed A Girl' and I should stop telling people that I
718:-I also did not see her singing 'Pansylicious'.
719:-The same goes for Hermoine
720:- I will not stand in the middle of the great hall and sing, "I may be a tiny chimney sweep but I have an
721:- Nor anywhere else for that matter.
722:- I am not aloud to sing the aforementioned song at all.
723-I will not go down to the kitchens, get a bowl of grapes, and then make them peel them for me.
724-No aligators. No exceptions.
725-I will not challenge Aragog and his mate to a "14 legged race" no matter how fun the out come would be.
726-Demanding to the Minister why wizards weren't out magicly helping the Giant Panda populations is highly frowned upon.
728-writing a buisness letter about it doesn't stop it from being rude.
729-Writing TWO buisness letter likewise changes nothing.
730-even if I did say "Dear" at the begining.
731-There has never been and there isn't now a great lord Waldemart and you are discouraged from voicing that idea in front of Voldemort
732-You are also greatly discouraged from saying that he is the greatest wizard in the world because Voldemort might not respond do that too kindly.
733-Screaming out "I saw Harry and Draco down in the dungeons snogging each other" in the middle of the great hall is not appropriate.
734-Nor in any other place
735-Even if everyone finds it amusing
736-Using wizard swears inside the walls of hogwarts is also forbidden even if Dumbledore has forgotten he set this rule.
737-Selling photoshoped pictures of Harry and Voldemort making out is not a way to earn money.
738-Even every student buys them and sticks them up on their walls.
739-Turning Draco Malfoy into a ferret is not funny anymore.
740-Casting the Imperius curse to make him transfigure himself into a ferret is even less appropriate.
741-Enchanting mistletoe to take up the properties of devil snare is not funny.
742-Enchanting the armour around Hogwarts to barge into Slytherin Common Room and start singing "Ding dong, the heir of Slytherin is dead" or "Ding, dong, Voldemort is dead" the night Voldemort is defeated is not allowed.
743-Nor is enchanting them to go to Gryffindor Common Room and sing "Ding, Dong, James and Lily Potter are dead"
744-Telling first years that at the end of the year they have to do an exam involving a three-headed dog, devil snare, an oversized chess board, flying keys, and a table of potions, one which will kill you, and then in the end battling the DADA professor, who has he-who-must-not-be-named bluging out on the back of his head is not funny, or allowed.
745-Enchanting a bludger to hit Crabbe or Goyle on the back of the head to see if
746-Even if the it proves that they don't.
747-I will not cast the imperius curse on Snape and make him sing 'I'm to sexy' and
748-Nor will i charm him to sing 'I feel pretty' and dance around with the moves from
749-I will never destroy anything with my magic until after class.
750-I will never use Harry Potter's husk as a doll to fool the Hogwart's members with.
751-I will never bring a computer to Hogwarts
752-I will never use PowerPoint to try to explain the plot of the 7th book
753- Nor any other book
754-I will never call Severus Snape, or Voldemort, n00bs
755. Victor Krum is in no way like jack sparrow.
756. I should not ask to see his kracken.
757. Voldemort is not davy jones.
758. I am not allowed to ask to see his kracken either.
759. Snape has no interest in going down 'to the paradise city, where the grass is green
760. I will not run up to faculty and slap them with fish, no matter how humorous the
761. Under no circumstances am I allowed to sing the entire soundtrack of ANY Rogers and
762. -And if I do, broadcasting it over the entire school results in extra consequences.
763. Despite how interested I am in Werewolves I am not allowed to replace Professor
764. - Nor am I allowed to remove it for the purpose of becoming a Werewolf as well.
765. Despite how much I like dogs, putting a leash on Professor Lupin us inappropriate.
766. I will not call proffesor trelawney "phsycadelic" or "tubular"
767. -or snape SO pissed!
768. I am not to insist that 'Sweeney Todd' has set up shop in the owlery and that Dobby is moonlighting as 'Mrs.
769. Dobby is also not looking for 'his precious'
770. After an arguement with Harry I am not allowed to comeback with "Go cry to your Mama "
771. Hogwarts is not holding auditions for America's next top model and I should stop telling the first years
772. Hermione doesn't find it amusing to have her notebooks charmed to chorus 'Hermione Weasely'
773. -Or 'Hermione Malfoy'
774. Dressing up as the muggle George Washington and attempting to chop down the Whomping Willow is not advised.
775. Claiming the voices inside my head made me do something is not an adequete(sp?) excuse for anything.
776. Nor is claiming my evil twin Larry did it.
777. Dumbledore does not wish to participate in my amateur porno and I should stop asking.
778- I am ABSOLUTELY not allowed to enchant Umbridges shoes to make them clop like hoofs when she walks, no matter how much Fred would have loved it.
779- I am not allowed to send an owl to Mrs. Wesley and ask where Fred's hand on her clock is pointing...thats just
780- I am not allowed to buy Voldemort a poodle and paint it's fur pink.
781- I am not allowed to kill said poodle in his sleep and hang its bloody carcass from the ceiling of Voldemort's
782- I will not use Veritaserum on Snape to confirm our suspicions that he is, indeed, a virgin.
783- Conversely, I will not use the above-named potion to find out just how many
784- I will never, ever, EVER serenade Draco Malfoy with "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic."
785- I will tell Luna Lovegood that if and only if she consumes poison mead, she will
786- I will not steal Luna Lovegood's bottlecork charm.
787- I will not ask Dean Thomas is 'Jesus was a brotha.'
788- I will not ask Professor Telawney if she supports the legalization of marijuana.
789- Or if she is a vegetarian.
790- Or if she can see auras.
791- I am never to break Mr. Weasley's heart by telling him that rubber ducks do not have a 'function' per say.
792- No one is to EVER EVER EVER play music by Justin Bieber, in Hogwarts or anywhere else for that matter.
793- I am not allowed to play the line: "But that was when I ruled the world" from "Viva La Vida" by Cold Play for
794- I am not allowed to sell Pool Passes to the First Years and tell them the pool is on the 7th Floor.
795- I will not ask Filch how often he turns into a cat
796- Nor if he does so to get with Mrs. Norris.
797- I will not ask how he changes, hes a squib.
798- I will really not ask if Mrs. Norris is good in bed.
799- I will not point and laugh at Harry, exclaiming how all the death threats Trelawney made were actually true.
800 - Professor Snape does not find the phrase "Lockheart is my baby daddy" remotely humorous, especially when written
801 - Spongebob is not a new Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean flavor.
802 - - Neither is parsnip.
803 - - Seeing who can sell the most fake flavors to first years is not an appropriate pastime, and I am not going to
804 – Vanishing Muggles’ books, keys, clothes, cars, etc., is not funny in any way.
805 – Valentine and Voldemort are not the same person.
806 – - Neither are Jace and Draco. Or Clary and Ginny.
807 – - On that note, Draco and Ginny are not in love.
Androphobia-fear of men
Apeirophobia-fear of infinity
Arachibutyrophobia-fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
Aulophobia-fear of flutes
Bogyphobia-fear of the Bogyman
Carnophobia-fear of meat
Chaetophobia-fear of hair
Chorophobia-fear of dancing
Chrometophobia-fear of money
Dextrophobia-fear of objects at the right side of the body
Didaskaleinophobia-fear of going to school
Eleutherophobia-fear of freedom
Ephebiphobia-fear of teenagers
Geniophobia-fear of chins
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia-fear of the number 666
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia-fear of long words
Hobophobia-fear of hobos
Faziolaphobia-fear of beans
Metrophobia-fear of poetry
Novercaphobia-fear of your step-mother
Panophobia-fear of everything
Papaphobia-fear of the Pope
Paraskavedekatriaphobia-fear of Friday the 13th
Phalacrophobia-fear of becoming bald
Phobophobia-fear of phobias
Pogonophobia-fear of beards
Pteronophobia-fear of being tickled by feathers
Rhabdophobia-fear of magic
Venustraphobia-fear of beautiful women
Walloonphobia-fear of the Walloons (what are Walloons?)
Zemmiphobia-fear of the great mole rat
What High School Musical has Taught Us (Or at least the ones who actually pay attention...)
1. If you wish to show your inability or dislike for dancing, it's perfectly reasonable to break out in a dance number.
2. College? It's not important, as long as you can hang out with your friends.
3. If your love is strong enough, fireworks will go off, and lanterns will fly away as you and your boyfriend kiss.
4. Playing sports is a hint that it's time to break into song.
5. Don't worry about being rude/mean because in the end things will work out for you.
6. School spirit is a must. Especially during the summer.
7. Your friends are not human and should always be addressed by the name of their school mascot.
8. Yes! You can paint your locker pink! Screw the school board.
9. You can be a chef, lifeguard, or golf assistant...no experience needed!
10. A guy can never wear too much bronzer.
11. Lakes are the equilivant of mirrors. They can show your reflection perfectly!
12. It is possible to memorize a 3 minute song over the course of 30 seconds...and sing it perfectly!
13. It doesn't matter that you're not a staff member... You can still attend any and all staff events.
14. The phrase 'more moves than an octopus in a wrestling match' is something that can be used in everyday conversation
15. There are two bells that get you out of school. The first one tells you to start singing and dancing, the second announces you should stop.
16. Even though its the last day of school, its okay to leave stuff in the locker for the summer.
17. If your family is 'saving pennies' for your college education and gives you a junky truck to drive because they 'can't afford anything else', it is normal for their kitchen to have expensive granite counter tops and a 7,000 fridge.
18. Pianos can float now. Go ahead, try it.
19. It's perfectly acceptable for a guy to wear girl's capris.
20. If you're upset, just run through a golf course, jumping and spinning, while singing 'Bet on it'...you won't fall at any point, and no one will stop and think 'what the flip?'.
21. You can send telepathic messages to your mom to tell her to pick you up just as you're finishing your breakup song with your boyfriend.
22. A resort can be highly successful when there are way more employees than guests.
23. 'And she stepped on the ball' is actually quite funny. You just need to put it into context.
24. One family can apparently control an entire city, including all educational institutions in the area.
25. It's good manners to refer to your mother as a 'backstabber'
26. Turkey imported from Maine is much better than any other turkey. In fact, it's fabulous...
27. Apparently, it is now possible to hire an entire high school to be the staff at an upscale country club.
28. Iced tea from England is blue
29. Water Bug is a really cute, funny, and romantic pet name. -gags- Gah, my god, Rowsely...
30. Being a teenage paparazzi at school and taking multiple pictures of the same two people is not weird or creepy in any way
31 .When your girlfriend tells you that your shoes don't match your tie, you must do a stupid looking surfer move to see if she's right, you can't just look down.
32. Take two small saucepan lids and bang them together. You'll find they make the exact same sound as a large GONG. Go on, have a go.
33. It IS possible to have any object in the world come in pink & engraved with your initials.
34. If you are the basketball star of your school, you can get yourself, as well as the rest of the school, summer jobs.
35. Lava Springs apparently had no employees, since they had to hire a whole new staff.
36. Don't change your friends, change your dreams.
37. 'What team?' 'Wildcats!''GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!' can fix any problem.
38. Basketball scholarships at the University of Albuquerque depend completely on your musical performance skills
39. Guitars and speaker equipment can be placed near a pool safely.
40.When you frolic with your girlfriend in the golf course, you get in trouble. When you frolic by yourself and sing, nothing happens, of course.
Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!
If you love Jesus with one hundred percent of your heart copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever created a copy-and-paste thing, copy THIS into your profile!
If like, all of your profile is almost copy and paste stuff, copy and paste this!
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile
~Quotes~ (No I did not make these up.)
Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?
They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
I'm the kind of person who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Never hire a colorblind electrician.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Don't follow in my footsteps; I run into walls.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Forever isn't as long as it use to be.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?
Everything here is eatable. Even me, but that my children is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive
My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.
My mother told me never to talk to strange people. I never talk to myself, parents, or friends anymore.
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Just drink it and get it over with!
You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.
Forecast for tongiht: darkness
Never go to a docter whose office plants have died
On those restaraunt signs that say 'No shirt, no shoes, no service,' does that mean you can wear a shirt and shoes, but no pants, and they have to serve you?
I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.
Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words
I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest telling us to sit down and shut up.
I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's
A true idiot clims a glass wall to see what's on the other side.
Boys are like Slinky's. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.
I used all my sick days so I called in dead.
You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.
The extinction of the dinosaurs was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
When in doubt, make words up!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!
Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.
Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!
Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies! Oh, that red stuff leaking out of them?...That's cooking oil.
Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!
Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity...
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly
I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.
There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.
The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow!
If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless.
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking
At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P
I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.
Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark
Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people
Now I sit me down is school
11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE
Funny lables and warnings
(I got this from Mudfur6264's profile!)
On Sears hairdryer:
On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On artificial bacon:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
On a Aimn Flamell Multi-Purpose Lighter:
On an iPod Shuffle on apple's website
On a razor scooter
On a bottle of dog pills
On a lottery ticket
On a washer
On a container of underarm deoderant (solid)
On a Holmes bathroom heater
On a coffee cup
On an electric cattle prod
On a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm
On a sign at a railroad station
On said seal
On a remote control for a tv
On a laundromat triple washer.