Sometimes it's about obsession, other time it's about seeking life lessons.
At one time the need of solitude drives me, but then I'm rambling on review sections and get a long discussion with authors.

Yes, it is about obsession and a true obsession when I (and you) recognized what AU, OC, SI, crack, cross-over, gen, lemon, even "there is only one bed" mean.
Yes, it is solitude that I got when I passed quarantine with nearly zero real-interaction.

Yet, somehow between those piles of words, I found various worlds in courtesy of one fandom alone by reading its various perspectives. I learn about things that my real-life circle society still consider as taboo and learn to love characters that get a handful of hate or spot flaws of well-loved characters. And how I love that and consider it as the moment they turned to people, not just some silly characters because they fall in love so hard or dumb because they smile too much or breath-takingly beautiful because the amount of hate (and brood) they bring is equivalent to journey to the moon and back.

Even though I rarely make connection with real people through fanfiction but here I found myself. I realized that I like clarity and genuinely a serious person in which what I read mostly based on canon or a canon divergence with clear flow of plot. I understand what mental state I'm in when I choose an event-to-event or heavy emotional fanfiction.
I see myself from my old writings, favorites, follows and reviews. How my ideals have shaped and changed since the first day I marked my teritorry here. I see my old self who idolized the sunshine and tsundere pairings and still do but refused to read further if their relationship is heavily lean on physical-and-zero-talk relationship. Back then, I would fangirling over the male but now, I appreciate the female more because I want to be like them who recognized their mistakes, making solutions and move on, who are responsible, confident and living. I still read fanfictions from super-minor-side character POV to remind myself that their world reflects mine in many ways and that the coolness and exclusive side of their world is the product of music and right angle (and that three-times shoot entrance).

So, yes, fanfiction means so much to me and it all thanks to you, authors. What I can give you is reviews, favorites and follows but believe me when I said your stories mean the world to me and those unfathomable hard work will be paid some day. Hope you are all doing well and stay safe.

And hope you, readers, will find yourself in piles of fanfictions. We have to make up all of those hours we spent to read, don't we?

xxx

Neemarishima