Author has written 4 stories for Pokémon.
Hey, you guys. It's... been quite a while, hasn't it? It's been so long, in fact, that I'm not even sure if this update is even needed. I wonder how many of you are even reading this. If so, then I congratulate you on being blessed with such patience (or the good fortune of just having followed me recently), and I thank you. As you can no doubt tell, I haven't been writing recently. Not only in Pokemon, but in anything: fanfiction, original stories, or otherwise. This isn't due to a lack of interest; quite the opposite: I've been bubbling with ideas and a compulsive need to write for the entire time I've been "gone". Yet I haven't been able to illustrate these ideas or fulfill those compulsions, and with good reason. I won't lie to you and say that I've been "busy", though many aspects of my personal life have permanently changed— some for the better and some for the worse.
The real reason I haven't written is that I've been wrestling with depression and anxiety for the past three years. It's hit me hard, to say the least, and the constant self-deprecation and impulse to just delete everything I have and give up, has made writing next to impossible: ideas and guilt be damned. And I'll be honest— this profile has given me more shame than I care to admit. Not only is it because I haven't updated in years, but because I'm disgusted with some of the content I've put out. There are aspects of Saffron (though only a few) that I despise and wish to change or edit out completely, but the very thought of doing so much work repulses me, and the thought of keeping you all waiting while settling on this mediocre product disgusts me even more. And I am so, very sorry.
This isn't necessarily a promise that I'll start writing again, or that I'm updating any of my stories. My life has certainly improved since I've last posted, which has helped significantly, but I'm still unable to face this internal pressure— for now, at least. I'm making this post because I want to face the profile that I was hiding from for so long, that I was ashamed of. I acted cowardly, and I should have told you all what was going on instead of disappearing. I'm sorry.
But most of all, I made this update to thank you all. The biggest reason I felt so ashamed of this profile is because I felt that every kind comment you've sent me, asking me to come back, was highly undeserved, and I wish you could devote yourself to an author who would treat you better, as far as updates are concerned. But far above my own self-criticism, I acknowledge your regard for my stories and I graciously appreciate every comment you've left me: comments with simple one-worded praise; comments that despise my works, with good reason; comments that think I wrote Saffron because I hate furries (surprise! I don't); and even that long Dutch Harry Potter fanfiction that was pasted into a three-part comment. Even you. I appreciate and love you all, and I promise that the moment I truly have control over my feelings and thoughts and actions again, I will give to you what you've been waiting far too long to receive.
This isn't meant to garner pity (or commissions; God, I can't believe I thought that idea was anything but cringe-worthy), nor is it meant to give me an excuse. I'm not even asking for your forgiveness, because I don't deserve it. I'm just answering the unspoken question of why I haven't been writing, and if I had quit writing for good. I can promise you that I haven't, but I'm afraid that's all that I can promise.
I still adore writing. And I still adore you. My dysfunctional brain can only keep me at bay for so long.