Author has written 14 stories for Alex Rider, Harry Potter, Code Geass, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, 07-Ghost, Pokémon, Dark is Rising Sequence, xxxHOLiC, How to Train Your Dragon, Young Justice, Batman, Book X-overs, and Rise of the Guardians.
Hiyas! I was previously meselfi, but have now changed my name to MarchHare95, obviously after an Alice in Wonderland character. If you do not know who this is, I recommend you re-read the book. However, I am a fickle human being so I changed the name again. Sorry.
Disclaimer: I own none of the above, not Harry Potter, not Code Geass, not Alex Rider. Understand? Anyway, even if I did you wouldn't be able to prove anything!
Warning everyone! I am human and so at times can be a lazy slob, if you feel that I am neglecting any of my stories, do not be afraid to say so. this nudge will be much appreciated!
Hello all, thanks to those of you who have actually taken the time to read any of my stories and actually reviewed them. I am sorry to say that I will be going on a temporary hiatus, don't worry, all unfinished fics will be completed. Just to justify this, I will be telling you my reasoning if you care to read. Its just that I have found myself to be sliding behind in my schoolwork, and well, I need to catch up with the rest of my classmates. This hiatus will probably end when school does and start again when school starts. So sorry, I really am.
Name: Count Dracula a.k.a Count Drac, Drakkie, the Count etc. (You didn't really think I would tell you my real name did you?
Age: 36,000 - 35, 985 years old
Location: The planet Mars
Date of Birth: The third year in the reign of the Shadow Lord a.k.a. Darth Vader
"Approach life like a duck; calm above but paddle like hell underneath"-my Dad. -_-
Drop by sometime and say hi: imma-monster-now.tumblr.com
My fics on tumblr here
I have original writing on my blog as well you can access it here
Really Dumb Store labels:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (too late )
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (thank you captain obvious . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." ( no comment . . .)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Oh yeah because many kids are driving cars and operating machinery these days . . .)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that kinda the point??)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (okay that made me curious, what other use??)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (captain obvious has returned!!)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon :P)
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
"Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?! Your absolved ... The Lord forgives you of your thoughts." ( Everybode Loves Raymond)
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." - Mythbusters
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."- Oscar Wilde
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son, John
P.S. - Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
--One day, Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
1. We do not comprehend the words “ching chong”.
2. WHATTHEHELL does “ching chong” even mean?!
3. Not all Koreans make nuclear bombs or eat dogs.
4. Just cause you see an Asian person it doesn’t mean they’re Chinese, they could be Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Filipino etc.
5. We are not all COMMUNISTS.
6. We don’t always eat egg rolls and when we do it’s like once in a blue moon.
7. Asian girls with long black hair HATE being called The Grudge or the girl from The Ring. Same goes for Asian guys and being called Grudge boy.
9. Dynasty Express and China King are not considered “real” Chinese food.
10. We don’t use THAT much M-S-G.
11. Don’t ask us to speak our language, we will when we feel like it.
12. We don’t know how to translate your name so stop asking cause most likely we can’t.
13. Don’t ask us to teach you curse words either.
14. Stop trying to pair up Asian guys and girls at your school and say they look cute together. Not all Asians belong together.
15. All Asian countries speak different languages.
16. Just because we’re Asian it doesn’t mean that we know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do etc. Even though we are probably capable of kicking your butt anyway.
17. Don’t say all Asian people look the same, that’s like saying all white people look the same, all African Americans look the same and all Hispanics look the same. When will you realize your stupidity?
18. Surprise! Not all Asians are good at maths.
19. Not all Asians are short.
20. Or skinny.
21. By the way, it’s VietNAMese, not VietMANese.
22. Not all Asian families run a nail shop although some of them do.
23. Same goes for convenient stores and laundromats.
24. What do you people stare at? Haven’t you seen an Asian person before?
25. Just to let you know, it’s NOT funny when you tape your eyes up and start speaking gibberish. That just gives us another reason to kick your butt.
26. Go ahead, make fun of us. We’ll just make fun of you in our own language.
27. It’s ok for us to call each other F.O.B’s but if you call us one you’re asking for a beating.
28. Yeah we eat rice, so what? Got rice?
29. Don’t fold your hands and bow at us like you know what you’re doing cause honestly you look like an idiot.
30. Don’t ask if the Chinese use cat in their food, if they did they would label it “cat lo mein” instead of beef lo mein. They don’t use cat if you didn’t already guess that by now.
31. No…Yao Ming is not my uncle.
32. People from India are Asians too.
33. People from the Middle East are just as Asian as people from the southeast-(CloudNineArigance)
Everything I Learned In Life, I Learned From CLAMP