Author has written 3 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers, and Teen Titans.
Name: Shelby! I hate my first name, but you can call me it if you want to.
I'm in my junior year of high school now, guys! I've come a long way in these years. How has it been three years already? It doesn't even seem like it!
Starting over is a /pain in the neck/, seriously. I have to reconnect with the community! No hardly anyone remembers me now! And those that do, don't go on the site anymore!
Most OC's I use.
Ravana Sanders: The Aggressive Hockey Player.
Jasper Carter: The Silent Sweetheart. To prove I had the idea of this character before TDROTI: http: // www. fanfiction . net /s / 6840936 /3/ Total-Drama-American-Tour
Grace Lockheart: The Love-able Dork.
Nalia (Haven't quite come up with a last name yet for her, but she's like my favorite old character, and the only one I kept the exact way I first wrote her.) The Dragon Lover.
Destiny Sarcer: The analytically quiet weirdo.
Alicia Newaygo-Jones (Used for Hetalia purposes. Michigan! And, I've worked on her for over two years. My absolute all time. Favorite. OC. Ever.)
Mason Grey: The Overprotective Older Brother.
Wesley and Evan Wright: The maniacal twin brothers.
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.(Go ahead, I knooowww I'm a bitch.)
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. (I have many gay friends, thank you very much. :I)
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. (ok, now THAT"S MEAN!!)
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. (Hey, it's literally just for my concentration levels. If I don't take it, I can't finish ANYTHING. XP)
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. (Totally, says the sixteen year old. :I)
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. (SAVAGES. Fucking hell, I run around a campfire when someone chases me.)
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore. (Kay, this one crossed the line.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. (Uh, huh. Keep talking hunny. )
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. (NAG NAG NAG. FUCK YOU COMEBACK. Says, the single girl. )
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. (No one rocks that look, not even the Polish.)
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. (Still a virgin.)
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. (I don't want your attention, idiots! Unless its a positive comment XD)
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. (TO BE...OR NOT TO BE CUZ THATSTHEQUESTIONIASK OF THEE!)
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. (Once again, I'm still a virgin.)
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. (So...you want me to wear...what I don't want to wear...? lol...)
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. (I have a Jewish friend. ._.)
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. (... Go take greed over there... you know the humonculus...)
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude. (I like being one of the only sixteen year olds in my class that's still a virgin.)
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly. (That's your opinion. :P)
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. (I'm skinny actually. Stupid people who waste food...)
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. (Cool, that's your opinion. :3)
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. (OH OKAY. :I I have homosexual friends!)
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up. (NOPE. My parents planned me. :3)
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. (I like not being like everyone esle. I'd rather not be like...THEM XD)
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. (While we are young, all we want to do is grow up. When we're old...all we want to do is go back in time...)
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon (Watermelon's good)
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. (...What? ... I'm a Michigander for crying out loud!)
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. (I've never been drunk. ._.)
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. (I will kill you. But, just not the animals. ;;)
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. (...?)
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. (It bothers me a little, but I don't want to hurt their feelings when they show me their "Best work yet!".)
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. (Big groups are noisy and nosy! They can get annoying! And so what if I'm anti-social? If I'm TOO social, you'll get sick of me)
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (People find it funny somtimes...)
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. (My friends love that about me. :3)
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. (...)
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics/Manga, so I MUST be a loser. (Of course, me and the thousands, maybe/probably millions of others too. I heard that the person who created One Piece makes about 24 million dollars a year. That's 2 million a month, how much do you make?)
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, So I must be gay. (Cosplay is fun! :I Especially when I dress up as guys. IT'S FUN BEING A TRAP. STILL HETEROSEXUAL THOUGH.)
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. (Japan is a genuis for thinking of it!)
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. (Welll... I can't say anything against this one. Except the stalker. :I)
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. (Cute. :I)
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. (... DAMNITT AMERICA!!! What is it with you an burgers?)
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. (Isn't almost everyone on fanfiction a 'young writer'?)
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. (...it's not funny! Dx)
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. (I just HATE it when Ukei says "OH! It's illegal to hit girls!" I HATE that! If you're trying to prove that girl ARE strong, then stop saying its illegal to hit us! It makes meh feel weak-_- my neighbor never actually tries when we kill each other with those pool noodles XD...it's annoying...)
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. (Oh dear lord. :I)
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (...Yeah, sure, I'm a vampire. Rawr, fear me XD...)
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER! (wtf?)
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser. (It's way too complicated XD)
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy. (Yeah, if we dont care for it, we'll die.)
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. (I'm guessing an OC? Actually, I try not to Mary-Sue my characters...cuz I like writing torture better :3 XD I'm messed up.)
I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex. (Nope! Cleaner than you alteast. XP)
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. (Actually, I'm the most responsible child in my family.)
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. (I have friends!)
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. (Hmmm, nope! Still straight!)
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast (Half and half...)
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish. (I'm childish enough to not care about some things that some of my friends over react about)
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. (Fuck you, I love being a grammar Nazi.)
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too. (Never cut in my life, I just walk in the woods too much. So many damn thorns! ;;)
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. (Uh huh. :I)
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. (...)
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake. (lol)
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems. (BECAUSE OF STUPID STEROTYPES!)
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist (what? it keeps me warm in the woods)
() You are Hispanic
() You’re very popular at your school
() Either one or both of your parents are diplomats
(x) You have been raised to be a fine lady/gentleman
() You have ditched your boyfriend/girlfriend alone
() You make others do your dirty work for you
(x) You have an older sibling who teases you to no end
() You are cautious of your decisions and act only when necessary
() You are from New Jersey
() You speak with an accent
() You add so many products to your hair
() You have/had a fake tan
() You look down upon those who are not as pretty as you are
() You like only one side of a person, not the person him/herself
() You wear a lot of make-up
() You can't sing
() You don't talk much
() You're a bit on the chubby side
() Despite the aforementioned, you are very athletic
() You're skilled in mechanics
(x) You are embarrassed of your first name
() You like using initials
(x) You have multiple items in your coat
(x) Every time you try to speak, you get cut off
() You are a wannabe at sometimes
(x) You have a best friend
() You wear/used to wear braces
(x) You wear/used to wear glasses (I have glasses that I hardly ever use, I just hate wearing them lol)
(x) Singing is one of your hobbies (love singing!)
() You easily fall for the eye candy
() One of your favorite colors is pink
() You work on a farm
(x) You/your family has a military background (My grandfather was a POW in the Vietnam war.)
(x) You follow a moral code
(x) You are dedicated to protect friends and family (of course!)
() You are rather athletic
() You STINK at Fashion design
(x) You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the safety of others
() You're scared of the dark, as well as its noises
() You have the "need to be dominated"
() You surf
() You're a vegetarian
(x) You care about the environment/Mother Nature
(x) Animal Cruelty is wrong to you
() You usually wear your hair in a ponytail
() You have a boyfriend/girlfriend
() You get along with everybody
() Everything should be natural to you
() You're exactly or less than 100 pounds
() You have lived in a bubble
(x) You have overprotective parents (sometimes :/)
(x) You're not the most athletic person out there (Me athletic? That’s like saying Owen is the skinniest contestant ever.)
(x) You're a bit nerdy
() You can be counted as an "expendable player"
() You wore diapers until a late age
() (IF A GUY) You're mistaken for a girl
(x) You love technology (depends on the technology)
() Most of the time you flirt and hit on girls/guys
(x) You are a quick healer (I hardly get sick anyway)
() You easily get sun burn
() You have a gap between your front teeth
() A poor diet scares you
() You play the keyboard/piano
() BBQ Chips is the King of all Chip Flavors to you
() You are/were a CIT
(x) You want everything right (I am meticulous)
(x) You get mad easily
(x) Everything is important to you (most things)
() You are/were on the Student Council
() Everything turns out wrong for you
() You fall for the delinquents/criminals/bad boys
(x) You've once been out of a game/challenge unfairly
() You're addicted to fame
() You LOVE pink!
() You are a major fashion phenon
() You usually wear sunglasses
() Your parent(s) are majorly rich
(x) You're attracted to nerds
() You and your phone are inseparable
() You hate feeling sorry for others
() You are a Wicca/witch
() You can read auras
() You love nature and communicating with animals
(x) You are very short
() You can levitate
() You know how to meditate
() You don't really care about money
(x) You are able to detect positive/negative energy (I have intuition, tells me what/who/when is a good time/person or bad person/time, though sometimes it backfires)
(x) You love animals
() Everybody loves you
(x) You've been raised right (for the most part anyway)
() Everybody is your friend
() You are most of the time happy
() You never get mad
() You get scared easily
(x) Group hugs are cuddly (I like hugging others! Who doesn’t? Unless you’re just antisocial XD)
() You have/had a Mohawk
() You've been to jail/prison
() You love skulls and crossbones
() You have piercings
() Green is one of your favorite colors
() Punk is one of your favorite music genres
() You pick on dorks
() You have a smug facial expression sometimes
() You often lift weights
() You wear knee high socks with gym clothes
() You've been through anger management
(x) You are competitive (I can be, if provoked)
() You can lift anything
() Happiness is not your forte
(x) You often don't fall in love too easily
() You're never happy
() You're home schooled
() You're sexist
() You have/had/wear a toque
() You often say "eh"
(x) You wear a sweatshirt almost every day
() You pick your nose often
() You have no friends
() You are pale
(x) You love parties (I have a secret “party lover” side, But I’m no part addict XD)
() You have the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend
() You often make out most of the day
() You wear a cowboy hat
() You're the youngest sibling in your family
() One of your nicknames is "Party Boy" or "Party Girl"
() You are invited to all of the parties
() You skateboard
() You're Goth
() You have highlights
() You wear blue lipstick
() You wear fishnets and black
(x) You make the first move
(x) Preppy things piss you off (not all preppy things, some preppy things are fun. But some no)
() You have a younger brother
(x) Annoying things irk you up
() You can be a pervert at some times
() You often say "Booyah" or "Gosh"
(x) You're a dork (People often say this while joking around. I'm the lovable dork! Oh! That would be an interesting stereotype. :P)
() You fall in love with the ghetto girl/boy
() You read comics
() You breathe loud
(x) You get picked on most of the time (I used to, during elementary/middle school but not anymore thank God! :D)
() You save chewed gum
() You're the Queen Bee
(x) You are/were a cheerleader
(x) You often lie about being nice sometimes (I do this to people I don’t like…you gotta do it sometimes right?)
(x) You often get embarrassed
() Weird people make you mad
() You break couples up
() You often call people "losers"
(x) You are never trusted (I’m too weird for people too trust XD but a few people do trust me)
(x) You're crazy/psycho (I have a very secret crazy side >:D)
() You were once wanted by the police/RCMP
() You're a redhead
() Fire is your addiction
(x) You love acting silly
(x) You run a lot (only when I have too, shockingly)
(x) You want to be called by your nickname
() You've camped out in the woods
(x) You're a tomboy
() You are EXTREMELY athletic
() You don't think anyone is better than you
(x) You aren't the most attractive person
() You HATE the beauty queen
() You would rather sacrifice others to save your own skin
(x) Your favorite accessory is a whistle (it would be XD)
(x) (IF A GIRL) You're mistaken for a guy
() You're the eye candy
(x) People often stare at you (for different reasons)
() People faint when they see you
() You lie to most people
() Beauty is a talent to you
() You once/often get photo-shoots
() You don't care about anything but beauty
() You're gorgeous
(x) You have a BFFFL
(x) You have big hips, but skinny body
() You're pretty
(x) You're often sweet
(x) You blush easily
() You wear pigtails
() You listen to Pop Music
() You're skinnier than your friends
() You're the ghetto girl
() You wear baby T's
() You easily get pissed off
(x) You love winning
(x) You have a great taste in style
(x) You know how to dance
() Rap is one of your favorite music genres
() You often wear hoop earrings
() You talk in the third person
(x) You can't tell the difference between genders sometimes
() You can’t spell
() You're apparently attractive to the opposite gender
() You are an overachiever
() You have protein powder
(x) You believe in teams of one
() You often call people "losers"
() You are/were a blond
() You're dumb
() You take Gymnastics
() Your boobs are big
() You're a "Daddy's Girl"
() You fall for the jocks
(x) Your eyes are blue
() Makeup looks pretty on you
(x) You have a mental disorder (I can’t name em lol)
() You have said you are an actor
(x) You like two people at the same time
(x) You talk in your sleep
() You have a therapist/psychiatrist (did)
(x) You are agile and graceful, but also tough and scrappy (actually…yes)
(x) You have trouble telling the one you love how you feel
(x) You're willing to risk your life for the one you love
(x) You are a bookworm
() Your IQ is off the charts/high
() You're in Honors classes
(x) Sports aren't your forte
(x) You are often sarcastic/cynical/cocky
(x) You're quiet
() You've accidentally kissed someone of the same sex
(x) You don't like parties
() You're overweight
() You fart a lot
() You can burp the ABC's
() Everyone loves you
(x) You love adventure
(x) You're out of shape
() You love to eat
(x) You often say things about historic people such as Alexander the Great and David and Goliath
() You have a BFFFL
() You're chubby
() You cry without your best friend
(x) You accidentally do things wrong
() You do everything with you best friend
() You easily cry
() You love to squeal
(x) You often do things wrong
(x) You love video games (kinda like video games, but I am not obsessed with them)
() You have embarrassed yourself on your only date
(x) You have cat-like reflexes
() You are in love with someone TOTALLY out of your league
(x) You are a couch potato
() You have a "circus thumb"
() You sometimes speak in video-game talk
(x) You sometimes see stuff in video-game mode (it’s true XDD not even kidding)
(x) You LOVE manipulating people
() You're a poser
() You like to whittle
() Animals don't like you
() You don't like animals
(x) You have a lucky item
() You're a ginger
() You have freckles covering you
(x) You are a fan of Total Drama
(x) You have a crush on one of the Total Drama castmates, or any celebrity for that matter (sometimes I have crushes on some of them)
() Your hair is really long
() You can be a bit of a stalker
() You’re a basket-weaver
() You’re a slap-dancer
() You’re very tall
() You talk in text, even outside the phone (I can't even talk in text while on the phone. I want to murder myself if I try.)
(x) You have a long ancestry (we all do XD)
() You are a compulsive liar
(x) You talk incessantly (sometimes lol)
() You are rather overweight
() You are annoying to most people
() You have trouble swimming
() You have been bald at one point
(x) You don't have many friends
() You play/played the guitar
() You often wear green
(x) You've been heartbroken
() Your favorite number is 9
(x) You care for the people you love
(x) You're still looking for that special someone (not actively so)
(x) You act weird sometimes
(x) You easily fall in love
(x) You suck at sports
(x) You often wear red
() You wear a head bandanna
() You wear sweat clothes
() You're tall
() You have brown hair and brown eyes
(x) You have a fear of an animal
(x) You think you're strong when you really aren't at sometimes
(x) You wear stuff in your hair
() You're an only child
() You don't have many friends, but wish to make friends
(x) You like retro fashions/music (LOVE retro style everything)
(x) You enjoy the theatre
() You have seen your crush go out with someone else
(x) You are generally nice, but have a tough side (mmhmm…)
() Someone else has called you the "prettiest person in the group"
So, I'm most like Mike, and Noah and Trent tie for second. Dear lord, I'm more crazy than I thought!