Lampito
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Joined 11-12-10, id: 2612780, Profile Updated: 05-02-13
Author has written 71 stories for Supernatural, Discworld, and Twilight.

Gday, I'm Lampito. Well, that's a pseudonym. Since I write Supernatural fics, people would point and laugh if I used my real name...

When I was in Year 12 (final year of school Down Here before university education), one of my teachers wrote on my report: "This girl will no doubt spend many years in a prominent state institution; whether that turns out to be a university or a prison remains to be seen." She was right. I served nine years in total, with some time off for good behaviour mid-sentence, but I suppose I got a couple of degrees out of it, and if people piss me off I can insist that they address me as 'Doctor', so I probably shouldn't complain too loudly. I now work in an august federal institution. Occasionally I am accused of research.

No idea what turned me into a writer of Supernatural fanfics - it's probably my husband's fault, he made me sit through them. I didn't like it much to start with, except for the car and the music. "So, let me get this straight: two impossibly attractive young men, that one's the moper and that one's the man-slut, cruise around the US killing off supernatural stuff and getting concussions that would destroy anybody else's brain and bouncing back like ping-pong balls. Hey, I like him - hee hee, he said 'idjit', that's a good word! Did that actually come out in a V8? That is supposed to be a werewolf? I had lecturers who were scarier than that. My ballet teacher when I was five was scarier than that. Are you sure that one's actually male? What do they live on, do they rob banks or something? I bet that one has panty hose they could pull over their heads..." but I got sucked in.

The evolution of the Jimiverse, in which Dean and Sam end up accompanied by a half-Hellhound half-Rottweiler who farts lavender and is scared of thunderstorms, is ENTIRELY THE FAULT of all the slightly demented individuals who keep encouraging me, and shooing plot bunnies in my direction. Gah, damned plot bunnies. I will pay good money to anyone who develops a strain of plot bunny-specific myxomatosis.

The adorable little munchkin modelling as Jimi the Half-Hellhound, son of Jimi the Hellound and Rumsfeld the Rottweiler, faithful flower-fragranced flatulence four-legged friend of Dean and Sam Winchester, is in fact named 'Chopper'. He belongs to a friend of mine, and is now well over 55kg (a bit over 120 lb), and if anything is more of a sook now than he was when this photo was taken. Thankfully, my own dogs, a German Shepherd and a Greyhound, are not scared of thunderstorms. Nor do they fart lavender, more's the pity.


THE JIMIVERSE STORIES

What do I write about in the Jimverse? Let this sonnet from SeaGlassGreen outline it for you...

Ode to Lampito

What fairer and more faithful than the moon?
Who spins us tales of not-ass-baby, pie,
Librarian, shampoo, and greasy spoon?
Lampito, from whose keyboard rubies fly.

Her Sam and Dean are naughty, muddy things
Who try the wits of salvage merchants gruff.
(Whilst crews of denizens wait in the wings
with eagerness to soothe and scrub and buff.)

Hell hound and werewolf bow before her art.
The Living Sex God earns his upper case.
Mere playthings for her doily and dog fart.
She catalogs for us the Sam Bitchface.

Lampito, on your denizens confer
Sweet, filthy tales of Winchesters and fur.

In the Jimiverse, Sam and Dean end up accompanied by Jimi the half-Hellhound, who loves eating fried chicken wings and riding in the Impala, and sneaks into Dean's bed when a scary thunderstorm gets too close. Also, since I've only seen as far as S5 (as at May 2012), the Jimiverse is now officially completely AU. Singer Salvage was never blown up (and if it was, it was rebuilt, with much bickering about bathroom fittings and slate kitchen flooring), Bobby is most definitely NOT DEAD, and Castiel remains a clueless nerd who's acting as Sheriff of Heaven until his Dad gets back.

In Jimiverse chronological order, the stories are:

1. Can We Keep Him? In which we learn Jimi's ancestry.

2. Hot Stuff. Jimi is three months old. The Winchesters meet Jimi, and he adopts them. Sam gets drunk. Dean gets baking. BONUS FINAL CHAPTER: Dean's Totally Awesome Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe. Make them at your own peril, they are ADDICTIVE.

3. Balls. Jimi is around seven months old. It's all about responsible pet ownership, people. And vegetable strangeness.

4. Just Like You. Jimi is about twelve months old. Apparently, John did put The Dreaded Parents' Curse on Dean.

5. Teething Trouble. Jimi is about two years old. The Winchester's dog is just about all grown up, except for one last little developmental milestone.

6. Can You Dig It? Jimi is around six months old. In 'Just Like You', we learned that, at the age of around six months, Jimi dug a revenant out of his grave in Kentucky during a Hunt. This is the story of that Hunt.

Other stories in which Jimi pops up are:

*Prince Charming, which includes Jimi's litter-sisters, Janis (who adopted Bobby) and Joni (who adopted a Hunter that Dean can't stand). Rumsfeld's litter are around two and a half.

*Pregnant Pause, in which Jimi uses his awesum Hellhound skillz for teh Hunt, and also acts as moral support during a very trying time for Dean.

*Best of Breed, in which the Winchesters follow a job to a dog show, and we finally meet up with the next generation, Jimi's puppies.

*In Dog We Trust, in which Jimi's true status in the canine hierarchy of Hell comes to light, and leads to an interesting job for the Winchesters (along with some cross-pantheon tourism).

The Way Of Things is a Wee!chesters story set in the Jimiverse - it revolves around an elderly Hunter's dog watching over them, and presages the arrival of Jimi senior.

OTHER OCs OF THE JIMIVERSE

The Angels of the Jimiverse

I reserve the right to keep writing Castiel as a nerdy, deadpan, utterly socially incompetent angel who leaves a trail of confusion in his wake wherever he goes amongst humans. In the Jimiverse, he somehow rehabilitated from the Godstiel episode, and is his inept and emotionally constipated self that everyone seems to prefer. It's my Jimiverse, and I'll write my angels however I want, so nerny nerny ner.

Denariel, the Guardian of Companions

Denariel is the angel who is in charge of caring for the souls of pets who are awaiting their beloved owners in Heaven. She loves her job, even though she's one of the lowest ranked angels in the Host. Occasionally, she will have to deal with a 'high maintenance soul' who exhibits 'challenging behaviours'. The Winchesters' adopted Hellhound, Jimi Senior, is one of those souls. From time to time, St Francis of Assisi visits to help her out with her more boisterous charges.

Danael in Reception

In the Jimiverse, any messages arriving as prayers (or p-mails, as the Winchesters refer to them) to Castiel have to go across Danael's desk. She is a Virtue, a very senior and dignified and solemn angel, who will not pass on prayers that do not arrive in the correct format (rhyming couplets that follow the traditional 'Now I lay me down to sleep' pro forma). She also takes great offence at crude language, and is in the habit of correcting any prayers, reports, files or memos that come into her keeping with her fearsome Red Pen Of Fury. Her handwriting has serifs, and some low-ranked angels tell each other that she uses demon blood as ink. She routinely threatens to transfer, resign or smite whenever she receives a p-mail from Dean. She is the Heavenly equivalent of a ferocious PA/combat librarian. Even Castiel, Sheriff of Heaven, occasionally gets a document back for correction before it can be filed in the Archives.

Verael the Fallen Librarian

Verael is one of the Fallen, an angel who sided with Lucifer when he rebelled. She is the Hellside equivalent of Danael, being the senior Librarian, Secretary and Archivist, ruling over the library of Hell with an iron fist in an iron glove, and probably holding an iron mace. Crowley is terrified of her and dreads the little 'suggestion notes' she sometimes attaches to the files that cross his desk, and he tries to avoid the library at all costs, simply approving her monthly requisitions for stationery without even looking at them. She once took tea with Bobby, and gave him his own counter key and access key for the photocopiers and laminator in Hell's library, and Crowley covets these madly. Verael meets her sister Danael frequently to catch up over tea and cake, where they complain about general falling standards of literacy in their respective domains, and The Trouble With Young Demons/Fledglings Today.

Tiem and Zan the gargoyles

These two were only supposed to be a throw-away giggle at the end of 'Can You Dig It?' but the Denizens of the Jimiverse demanded a story about them. And then another one. They are:

*We'll Wing It, which picks up on their flight to Singer Salvage immediately from the end of 'Can You Dig It?'

*The Fast And The Furious, in which Tiem describes his love for a very special car...

*Piening For the Ones We Can't Save, in which the gargoyles join Bobby and the Winchesters on the road trip from hell. Includes coffee, flying lessons, and Gratuitous Winchester Nudity.

You can see some awesome fan art pics of Tiem and Zan at http://leah-elisabeth.livejournal.com/1088.html (by leahelisabeth) or at http://pics.livejournal.com/rince1wind/pic/0000y1yk/ (from Bartlebead)

Ronnie (the world's crankiest werewolf) and Andrew (her sometimes beleagered pair-bond)

Ronnie Shepherd was another OC who was meant to be a character with whom to annoy Dean in one story, 'Just Like You', but she hung around, and the Denizens seemed to like her, to the point where they demanded that I write a story giving the background of how she met up with her pair-bond. Ronnie is from Queensland, Australia; to Sam's horror, Dean once described her as English, which is the worst possible insult you can offer an Anglo Australian or New Zealander. She and Dean cultivated a fairly cordial dislike of each other for some time. She is extremely cranky; Sam has not been able to determine whether this is a characteristic of this species of werewolf, or just a characteristic of Ronnie.

Ronnie and Andrew are Old North werewolves, a species that migrated from Northern Europe and Scandinavia, different to the domestic mostly-human-with-extra-teeth species found in North America. They do the whole humanoid-but-definitely-lupine transformation. Ronnie is short as a werewolf, even for a female (she's just as tall as Sam when she changes), but says she makes up for it by being sneaker, nastier and more vicious. Andrew is a very large alpha male specimen, tops seven feet, weighs more than 300 pounds, and sometimes gets stuck when practising his shapeshift, which results in him being banished to the living room where he drinks beer (he has to shotgun them, because he can't handle the cans otherwise) and watches football and feels very embarrassed.

The stories including the cranky werewolf are: 'Just Like You' (in which Sam gets let in on the Big Hairy Secret), 'Prince Charming' (in which Castiel is a most resentful bridesmaid), 'The Thing' (in which Dean is annoyed when he realises during some man-time, that he's the only one who's never had sex with a werewolf), 'Six' (in which Dean asks further prurient questions, and Sam forbids him to use the word 'nipple' ever again) and 'Wolf in Wolf's Clothing', the much-demanded story of girl-wolf meets boy-wolf which finally shut up some of the Denizens. They both show up in 'Wolf Whistle', the tale of Dean's foray into getting in touch with his feminine side as well as everybody else's.

THE BITCHFACES OF THE JIMIVERSE

As all Supernatural fans know, Sam is to the Bitchface expression as Dean is to fornication. He has a wonderful repertoire of expressions, tailored to impart to his brother just how much he disapproves of whatever Dean is doing at the moment. They're all trademarked, too. As you read the stories of the Jimiverse, you may encounter the following:

Bitchface #1 (Dean, I Don't Believe You Just Did/Said/Ate/Punched/Shot/Had Sex With That!)

Bitchface #2 (Dean Is A Simple Animal Governed By The Three Fs: Feeding, Fighting, and… The Other One)

Bitchface #3 (I Wish You'd Let Your Upstairs Brain Drive More Often)

Bitchface #4 (You Are Injured Worse Than Me, Jerk, (Now Shut Up And Give Me The Keys))

Bitchface #5 (My Private Life Is SO None Of Your Business, Jerk)

Bitchface #6 (I SO Do NOT Want To Hear The Gory Details Of One Of Your Sexual Conquests, Jerk)

Bitchface #7 (You Can Be Impossibly Unreasonable Dean, You Know That? )

Bitchface #8 (You Are Now Officially Talking Complete Shit, Dean)

Bitchface #9 (I Know What I'm Doing, Jerk)

Bitchface #10 (Tonight, You Die In Your Sleep)

Bitchface #11 (I Am Appalled, Dean, I'm Pretty Sure One Of Us Was Actually Adopted)

Bitchface #12 (I Am Going To Pretend I Didn't Hear What You Just Said You Disgusting Individual)

Bitchface #13 (You Are So Totally Gross I Don't Have A Bitchface Adequate To Convey My Utter Disgust)

Bitchface #14 (There Are Times When Your Behaviour Is So Reckless I Wonder If You Took Lessons As A Small Child)

Who are these 'Denizens' of whom you speak?

The Denizens of the Jimiverse are the strange, perverted or just demented individuals who habitually read my rantings, and egg me on enthusiastically from the sidelines. They have been known to raise plot bunnies, fit them with little life jackets, and set them sailing Down Here, where they take up residence under my desk, in my tea mug, in my helmet, in my cupboards, or anywhere else they can lie in wait to spring out at me. One jumped out of the dishwasher once. Another one leaped out of a petri dish. My lunch box is a particular haunt for them. From time to time, they are moved to fan art - some of them draw, some of them sing. I'm not sure if it's wonderful, or scary. Their motto is 'Denizens: depraved, but they get shit done'.

There are also various Visitors, Lurkers, and Casual Droppers-In, and we welcome them too. *waves*

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Nine To Five reviews
The Winchesters have finished up a job, cleaning up after somebody's stupidity in dabbling with the occult - again. So now they're broke - again. They've never expected Hunting to be a glamorous occupation, but just once, just once, Dean would like some sort of recognition (and remuneration) for the public service they provide. And then... oh dear. And who the hell is Harry?
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 31 - Words: 69,975 - Reviews: 356 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 3/5 - Published: 11/17/2014
Old Dogs, Old Tricks reviews
Dean is Not Happy. He doesn't mind weddings (so long as they happen to other people) but this one he objects to. And Sam won't even let him kill a werewolf; instead, he has to be *polite* to it, and that's bad enough, but having to cooperate with a cranky werewolf to make sure the bride and groom's big day goes without a hitch is just beyond the pale…
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,601 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/21 - Published: 10/1/2014
Escapees From The Plot Bunny Farm reviews
Plot bunnies are strange creatures; who knows where they come from? Well, presumably when a mummy plot bunny and a daddy plot bunny get together and get married they make little plot bunnies... there will always be more plot bunnies than there are stories, but we can have a red hot go at stomping them anyway. A series of one-shots.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 105,466 - Reviews: 301 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 9/29/2014 - Published: 6/22/2013 - Sam W., Dean W., Bobby S. - Complete
On Yer Bike reviews
'On yer bike' (slang): An impolite way to tell someone to go away because you're not listening to them. Which is pretty much the response Sam and Dean get for their opinion on a vacation project. But what starts out as having fun fossicking through the junk at Bobby's yard could turn out to be a matter of life and death. Or at least, statistically dubious science. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 28,933 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/26/2014 - Published: 4/30/2014 - Sam W., Dean W., Bobby S. - Complete
The Streaker's Defence, Or, A DEMONstrably Bad Idea reviews
The Streaker's Defence: It seemed like a good idea at the time. And it had; what he'd been hoping for was a fellow wolf to go for a bit of a prowl, not Ozzy bloody Osbourne with a muscle car, a stolen guitar, and no appreciation of Italian architecture. Poor Crowley; he's Karma's football. How I think Season 10 should kick off, with minimum angst and a healthy dose of crack.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 32 - Words: 85,006 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 9/20/2014 - Published: 5/26/2014 - Sam W., Dean W., Crowley - Complete
Dude, Were's My Apocalypse? reviews
Yes, 'were' - as a wise man said, it's a pune, or play on words. By popular demand, the story of what the Were!chesters did when some bastard decided to crank up the Apocalypse (again). It's not Lucifer (too busy eating pasta) or Michael (too busy posing for magazine covers), but Crowley has sought political asylum. And Chuck just wants to brew beer, is that so much to ask?
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 32 - Words: 93,857 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 8/4/2014 - Published: 5/12/2014 - Sam W., Dean W., Bobby S. - Complete
A Shaggy Dog Story reviews
When a Hunt goes south, Dean takes desperate measures to save Sam. And it works. Dean doesn't care if Sam's grumpy about what he did – his baby bro is alive and well, so he'll take all the complaining that Sammy can dish out; but if Sam cocks a leg on the Impala, he reserves the right to swat him with a rolled-up newspaper...
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 31 - Words: 86,230 - Reviews: 474 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 4/29/2014 - Published: 2/7/2014 - Sam W., Dean W. - Complete
Authentic reviews
After a difficult job, Dean and Sam invite Castiel to take an afternoon off, and attend a Civil War re-enactment with them. The Angel of the Lord is fascinated by the attention to detail, and just wants to help... a one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,676 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/4/2014 - Sam W., Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Here Comes the Snide reviews
It's a wedding! And the Winchesters are invited. Bobby's giving the bride away, Dean's on make-up advice, and Sam will make polite chitchat with the groom's family and see that they don't find out that he's about to marry a werewolf. Then they just have to stop whatever's haunting the building. And explain 'chicken fillets' to Castiel. Could it get worse? Um, yes...
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 30 - Words: 89,539 - Reviews: 348 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 2/25/2014 - Published: 11/26/2013 - Sam W., Dean W., Bobby S., Castiel - Complete
The Jimiverse's Next Top Plot Bunny II! reviews
Plot bunnies: they're evil little... things. They nibble on your brain until you write a chapter, and won't always deign even to give you the outline of a plot. They want attention, but won't always cough up. But maybe we can make the little... wretches work for it.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,771 - Reviews: 28 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/6/2014 - Sam W., Dean W., Bobby S. - Complete
Somewhere Over The Rainbow reviews
Murders linked to sex conventions plus chance of ganking demons equals a job that Dean really wants to tackle. Sam isn't so sure, but Dean isn't thinking entirely with his Upstairs Brain. They can work out details later, right, because hey, sex convention! And if Cas is going to help out with the demon thing, what could possibly go wrong? Or has sexy just got scary?
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 57,287 - Reviews: 238 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 11/28/2013 - Published: 9/29/2013 - Sam W., Dean W., Castiel
Supernatural DISCoveries reviews
They're both Men Of Knowledge, working behind the scenes, underpaid and underappreciated, to keep their worlds safe from ghastly things. It'd not that surprising that the Librarian and Bobby Singer are well acquainted. And of course, once a path has been beaten through anywhere, including L-space, others can follow. Especially if there's a trail of banana skins or empty bottles.
Crossover - Discworld & Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,534 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 11/24/2013 - Published: 8/22/2012
I Love To Go A-Wandering reviews
One of Heaven's most relentlessly cheerful residents has gone wandering, along with one of Hell's most feared. It's serious; it could cause an inter-pantheon diplomatic incident. Castiel, Sheriff of Heaven, sends a suitably senior Messenger to join Hell's representative in pursuit of the peripatetic perpetrators, to fetch them. Preferably before Mjolnir gets stolen. Again.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 46,314 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 9/6/2013 - Published: 7/5/2013 - Gabriel, Crowley
Child's Play reviews
When a well-meaning magissa turned the Impala into a motherly woman to look after them, Sam and Dean enlisted Cas's help to petition Aphrodite to undo the spell. Apparently, Dean did more than admire the tapestries while they were there. What happened when the Goddess of Love met the Living Sex God? For a start, Sam's plaid shirts would never know what hit them...
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 28 - Words: 80,838 - Reviews: 346 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 6/17/2013 - Published: 3/25/2013 - Sam W., Dean W.
PLEEEEEEASE Can I Keep Him? reviews
The poor little thing was so small, and cold, and hungry, and alone... Dean is moved to compassion for another orphan, and it's up to Sam to convince him that it's an admirable sentiment, but probably not very practical, no matter how adorable the little guy might be. A one-shot. ZOMG I'VE FOUND A PICTURE SOMEBODY ELSE ALREADY DID!
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,138 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/11/2013 - Published: 3/20/2013 - Sam W., Dean W. - Complete
In A Flap reviews
A lot of religions include prayers to petition the deity of choice to assist the dear departed to attain Eternal Contentment. It makes the people praying for them feel better, but there's just one small glitch: has anybody ever checked with the dear departed to ask if they actually want that assistance? Now, FINALLY: with Special Bonus Feature: Deleted Scene! COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 62,158 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 6/11/2013 - Published: 9/27/2012 - Sam W., Dean W., Castiel, Crowley - Complete
Distracting reviews
There are certain times, during certain beautiful natural acts, where certain things might put a guy off his stroke... I just wondered about it, okay?
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 253 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 11 - Published: 5/23/2013 - Dean W., Anna - Complete
Teacher's Pet reviews
A job involving mysterious disappearances has the Winchesters heading to California, to investigate Polly's Perfect Pooches Canine Academy. They're accompanied by Lemmy and Lars the 3/4 Hellhounds - they have big brown puppy eyes, cute little puppy faces, adorable puppy ears, and buckets and buckets of puppy puke. Baby's back seat (and Sam's groin) may never be the same...
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 48,896 - Reviews: 215 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 5/14/2013 - Published: 2/27/2013 - Dean W., Sam W.
Non Timebo Curculionis reviews
Dean's making pancakes, yet this simple act leads him to outrage his brother's delicate linguistic sensibilities - that's just the awesome kind of guy he is. A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 487 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 13 - Published: 5/13/2013 - Sam W., Dean W., Bobby S. - Complete
Let's Celebrate! reviews
Sam returns the the motel room to find Dean celebrating, on behalf of Bobby. He doesn't think it's a very good idea, so Dean has to convince him with his awesome powers of persuasion. And a bottle of very expensive booze... a one shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,014 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Published: 3/14/2013 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Nun Of That reviews
Somebody-or something-is terrorising convents. Is it a religious loony, or is it a job for the Winchesters? Worse, Dean is convinced that somebody has put a chastity curse on him. And who is this mysterious woman who can bitchface (TM) Sam into submission, or throw Dean across a desk without breaking a sweat? (Not that he minds, usually, but hello, chastity curse...) COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 62,561 - Reviews: 289 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/26/2013 - Published: 1/17/2013 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Hunt Before Christmas (or, Yule Be Sorry) reviews
Father Christmas has a job to do. Crowley is sulking, and out for some yuletide revenge. Sam is very unhappy about the physics of the situation (and the mess on his shoes), and Dean, well, he'd just like another drink, please. With grovelling apologies to Clement Clarke Moore...
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,267 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/11/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
An Important Family Event reviews
Dean has never been one for celebrations, although when he was just a kid himself, he made sure that Sam's birthday, Easter and Christmas were suitably observed to keep his baby bro happy. So when he wants Sam to help him mark an important occasion, how can Sam turn him down? Even if he has to wear a silly hat. A one-shot. PS Watch out for the fluff!
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,179 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/22/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
A Day Of Firsts reviews
A witch's curse has swapped Dean and Cas into each other's bodies, but Sam is preparing to undo the curse. There's just one trifling matter to be taken care of until he can collect the items he needs. He can't believe how lightly they've gotten off, but for some reason, Dean doesn't see it that way... a one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,713 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 6 - Published: 9/19/2012 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Grumpy Old Men reviews
Time catches up with everybody eventually, even the inhabitants of Singer Salvage. Growing old is unavoidable, but growing up, that's optional... COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 19 - Words: 56,365 - Reviews: 299 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 9/18/2012 - Published: 6/19/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Upbraided reviews
The job's done, and nobody got hurt. That's a win in Dean's book. And if he gets a bit of a giggle at his brother's expense, that's a bonus... a one shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 876 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/12/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Pure Research reviews
Maybe it's been exacerbated by his habit of hanging around with humans, but Gabriel can be insatiably curious about things that his siblings just don't understand. Nonetheless, they agree to help him answer a question that's been bugging him for quite a long time. A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 832 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/2/2012 - Gabriel - Complete
A Lady Of A Certain Age reviews
The Winchesters help an elderly lady who's been hexed by a jealous neighbour. She's terribly grateful, and a little sad that all she can do for them is make them lunch in return. What they really need, she thinks, is a good woman, to look after them. They don't have a good woman, but they have something that might just be up to the job. COMPLETE. Now with Special Bonus Feature!
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 18 - Words: 38,043 - Reviews: 260 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 8/16/2012 - Published: 7/2/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Johnathan Livingstone Angel reviews
The Winchesters have finished a job at the seaside, they're unhurt, they're enjoying the sun, the surf, the bikini babes, the ice-cream... er, why is that frightened demon attempting to attract their attention? A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,211 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/16/2012 - Crowley, Castiel - Complete
Brains, Brawn, Beauty and Rumsfeld reviews
If one brother's good, two as a team must be even better. Like the Doublemint twins said, 'Double the fun,' right? For a given definition of 'fun'. The word 'idjit' will be used, oh yes... now COMPLETE.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 26,187 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 6/29/2012 - Published: 10/16/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Man Who Spewed Too Much reviews
He is their new god, Castiel. He's got the god moves: joke missiles, giant walls of toffee, rains of lobster bisque, and the god wisdom: drinking sewage won't cure diseases, and even some god Commandments. And also, the mother of all tummy aches... but never fear, Dean knows how to deal with that, and Sam has a quote for any occasion.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 20,850 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 6/18/2012 - Published: 6/6/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Pack Up Your Troubles reviews
God is more disappointed than angry with his wayward Archangels, and decides to send them to Earth to learn to behave more like brothers. Tearfully, they beg him not to turn them into humans. And so he doesn't... COMPLETE. Now includes Special Bonus Feature: Missing Scene!
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 70,837 - Reviews: 445 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 6/7/2012 - Published: 4/14/2012 - Complete
Advanced Placement reviews
It seemed like such a good idea: kidnap the Prophet, hold him as a bargaining chip in the Eternal War. But the best laid plans o' mice and men and the King Of Hell gang aft agley. Maybe there's an app for that. A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,360 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/28/2012 - Crowley - Complete
Disappointing reviews
The nun's been boned, Dick's been... dedicked, and Dean and Cas have disappeared, without leaving a note or anything, which is just plain rude, if you ask Sam... a one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,118 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/20/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
It Don't End With Blood reviews
Every so often, Sam wonders what it would have been like if his family could've been closer to 'normal', whatever that is. Even if it meant 'not being trapped in the car with Dean regaling him with tales of sexual conquests', that would be a start.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 18 - Words: 55,186 - Reviews: 300 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 4/13/2012 - Published: 3/12/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Wolf Whistle reviews
Sam's worried when his big brother goes to a tantric sex workshop to check a suspected witch, because Dean will happily get in touch with any woman's feminine side, but not his own. Sam's pretty sure he'll go totally yin-yang before they sort this out...
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 64,340 - Reviews: 368 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 3/12/2012 - Published: 1/15/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Jimiverse's Next Top Plot Bunny reviews
A reality show in which three budding plot bunnies compete for the attention and votes of the Denizens, with the intent of gaining work as a professional plot bunny.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,615 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/5/2012 - Complete
In Dog We Trust reviews
There's a sudden surfeit of surplus sinful spirits. And stray dogs looking for happy homes. The Winchesters don't know why, but they might just find themselves dragged into helping fix it. But first, let's all point and laugh at Crowley.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 26 - Words: 68,216 - Reviews: 327 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/19/2011 - Published: 11/14/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
If You Go Down To The Woods Today reviews
There's a picnic lunch, a birthday pie, and frisbees. Then, an anaemic looking young man who claims to be a vampire. And a helpless whining girl. And a guy who is not from the Village People. Poor Bobby; the idjits will always be with us, it seems.
Crossover - Supernatural & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,343 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/12/2011 - Bobby S. - Complete
Daddy, What's Sex? reviews
An unexpected question from four year old Dean leaves John fighting the urge to say 'Go and ask your mother.' A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 831 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/4/2011 - John W., Dean W. - Complete
Monkey Business reviews
Knowledge equals power. When an occult epidemic strikes, it's up to the guy working behind the scenes, the one who knows where to find the lore and look for the answers, to take the lead. Do I detect a whiff of crossover? OMG Ch 3 We has a fanart nao!
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,364 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/29/2011 - Published: 11/21/2011 - Bobby S., Sam W. - Complete
As You Were reviews
It has claws like razors. And teeth like needles. And it looks angry. And... hungry. None of Sam's weapons can help him now... The Shortest Story Lampito Has Ever Written!
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 145 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/27/2011 - Sam W., Dean W. - Complete
The Consultant reviews
Three Cupids are reduced to tears by a tough mission. Castiel, with 'Sheriff of Heaven' hat on, takes an idea from human businesses and decides to hire a specialist. Will Dean agree to wear the company 'uniform? NOW with fanart - It's THE PANTS!
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 41,808 - Reviews: 227 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 9/19/2011 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
You Gotta Be Kidding reviews
She was a very dangerous witch, Sam said. With a very dangerous spell book, Sam said. Don't touch it, Sam said. But Dean's thinking with his Downstairs Brain again. **UPDATE** 18 OCT 11 - link to some amazing fanart. The Denizens are teh clever.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 20 - Words: 53,095 - Reviews: 262 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 10/18/2011 - Published: 8/29/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
I Gripped Him Tight reviews
It's what Castiel did, while saving Dean from himself... no, it's NOT slash, you naughty naughty Destiel fans, get your minds out of the gutter at once. Now turned into a series of unrelated one-shots. Until someone slaps me to make me stop.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 10,029 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 10/11/2011 - Published: 5/24/2011 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
If You Can't Say Something Nice reviews
Dean can be annoying. He knows he can be annoying. But he promises he'll try to be less annoying. Really. No, really. How could you not trust that face? Follows 'Six'. Hope this is satisfactory, Bartlebead.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,091 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/9/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Merry X rated mas reviews
The fat guy in the red suit might just've landed his sleigh pulled by reindeer next to the Impala, but that doesn't mean Sam's prepared to believe he's who he claims to be. And Dean's drinking eggnog with far more nog than egg, so he's not much help.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,760 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/28/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Wolf in Wolf's Clothing reviews
The Impala is getting on; she's crossed the country more times than they can remember. Now, she needs extensive and expensive overhauling. A paying job presents itself, not their usual type of Hunt, but Dean and Sam can't afford to be picky. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 59,542 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 8/17/2011 - Published: 8/2/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Best of Breed reviews
Dean's not enjoying the approach of his impending *mumblemumble*th birthday. Sam is threatening to feed him to a giant alligator named Mr Tinkle, and insists he'll find their next job, because those high heels nearly crippled him on this one. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 16 - Words: 44,068 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/2/2011 - Published: 6/30/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
They Want A Piece Of Me, or FXXk My Afterlife reviews
It's not fair. It's just not frigging FAIR. Once he's dead, you'd think a guy was entitled to a bit of peace, but noooooo, his luck's not that good. "F**k my life. F**k my afterlife." A one-shot. **Now with Chapterlet 2: some answers for The Readers.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,779 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/21/2011 - Published: 7/20/2011 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Pregnant Pause reviews
Dyswitchia, noun: a learning disability that renders one unable to learn not to piss off witches. Dean has it. Sam knows that. What he doesn't know is exactly what spell hit his brother. Dean, of course, is taking one of his luxury cruises up Denial.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 26,532 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 7/17/2011 - Published: 7/10/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Fanservice reviews
The thought of crazy fangirls tearing your clothes off is creepy enough - when your clothes start tearing themselves off, it's officially gotten weird, even by Winchester standards. Even Hasselhoff Disease would be better than this. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,642 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/28/2011 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Way Of Things reviews
Sam and Dean are staying with Uncle Bobby while their Dad takes care of a job. Nowhere is completely safe for the Winchester boys, but an extra pair of eyes will watch out for them, from a most unlikely place. Wee!chesters. Sam's 8, Dean's 12. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 9 - Words: 21,750 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/22/2011 - Published: 6/8/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Piening For The Ones We Can't Save reviews
Dean is devastated by what they have to do to finish a job. Sam tries to be understanding - "We can't save them all, bro." Maybe if Dean can save just one, this devout Student Of Pie will feel a little bit better. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 29,847 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 6/18/2011 - Published: 6/7/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Fast and the Furious reviews
She's black, she's sleek, she's beautiful - everything about the Impala hints at power, danger, and SPEED. He can't help it, he's a little bit in love. A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,533 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/6/2011 - Bobby S. - Complete
Six reviews
Dean likes pie, porn, and prying pruriently. Who knew werewolves were such prudes? And, under the circumstances, he thought his question was perfectly reasonable... set after 'The Thing', in the Jimiverse, with OCs Ronnie & Andrew. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,598 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/2/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
We'll Wing It reviews
They're travelling again, with a little moment in time just to enjoy each other's company, but he still has one eye on his little brother, because the Big Brother Within never sleeps. Follows directly after 'Can You Dig It'. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,068 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/2/2011 - Published: 5/23/2011 - Bobby S. - Complete
The Thing reviews
Dean and Sam run into two old acquaintances. When it becomes apparent that Dean is the only one who hasn't slept with a werewolf, he pesters Sam and Andrew for details - he is the Living Sex God, after all, and they've hinted that he's missing something.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,956 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/29/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Scientific Method reviews
Castiel is fascinated by humans' capacity to want to know about, well, everything. He decides to explore the intellectual satisfaction of the human way of researching to find things out. Provided no cats are put in boxes. Oh dear. A one-shot. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,833 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/29/2011 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
Prince Charming reviews
Yes, Dean is a man-slut, but he's a POLITE man-slut. Now, he's been hit with a spell that means he must, ahem, abstain, just for a week or so. Surely he can do that? Can Sam and Bobby save him from himself, and a fate worse than death? COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 23,862 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 5/28/2011 - Published: 5/12/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Can You Dig It? reviews
Dean knows for a FACT that his pup Jimi is THE BEST of Rumsfeld's litter, and is TOTALLY ready to go on his first real Hunt, despite Sam's concerns. There's just the small matter of his recent habit of digging holes like no dog has ever dug before. DONE!
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 36,136 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 5/23/2011 - Published: 4/12/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Yul Be Sorry reviews
Sam has had it up to HERE with Dean's pranks - why is his big bro fixated on vandalising his hair? - so he decides not to get mad, but to get even instead. Revenge is a dish best served cold, as the Klingons say. A one-shot. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,007 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/6/2011 - Sam W., Dean W. - Complete
Motorhead reviews
Sam decides that Hell is freezing over: Dean is happily chatting with a witch. Mind you, she's another motorhead who can't stop saying nice things about his car. He's impressed with her ride, too - it's certainly not a broomstick... a one-shot
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,626 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/4/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
In Bobby's Living Room, Noone Can Hear You Scream reviews
So fluffy, so cute, so harmless... so mercilessly relentless. Dean and his brother Sam have no idea exactly how much peril they're in... THE WORLD MUST BE WARNED OF THIS EVIL! a one-shot. COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,772 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/31/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Teething Trouble reviews
Dean and Sam are worried about Jimi, their canine companion. Two years old, 150 pounds, he's finally an adult dog, taking his Place in his Pack for the Hunt, because he's all grown up now... or is he? Not your average hurt/comfort... COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 14,220 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 3/31/2011 - Published: 3/27/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Just Like You reviews
A werewolf hunt has some unanticipated consequences, leading Dean to wonder: was his Dad just exasperated, or did John actually put The Dreaded Parent's Curse on him? COMPLETE. **Thank you, FFN techs, we're back online! Huzzah!**
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 15 - Words: 45,657 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 3/22/2011 - Published: 2/27/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Balls reviews
It's a very sensitive area - TOPIC, it's a very sensitive TOPIC - with Dean right now. The more sensible and reasonable Sam is, the more practical Bobby is, the worse it gets... COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 28,671 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 2/24/2011 - Published: 1/30/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Hot Stuff reviews
Dean misses Jimi the hellhound terribly. When he and Sam are adopted by one of Rumsfeld's puppies, they couldn't be happier, although he has inherited some, er, interesting traits from his daddy...BONUS END CHAPTER: Dean's Awesome Choc Chip Cookie Recipe
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 26,421 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 1/15/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Can We Keep Him? reviews
An incompetent Hunter wants to kill Sam; enter Dean, aka The Prankmeister, to scare him off. It works - too well. Wearing a lacy doily on his head wasn't actually SUPPOSED to summon anything, but Sam and Bobby seem fond of it, and it adores Dean...
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 15 - Words: 28,103 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 12/25/2010 - Published: 12/7/2010 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Sonofabitch reviews
Sam's never seen Dean so happy. His big brother is cheerful, he's sleeping well, he's willingly eating whatever's put in front of him, even if it looks suspiciously healthy. There's just one little hitch with this happy state of affairs... COMPLETE
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 15,645 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/1/2010 - Published: 11/25/2010 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Supposed to Go to Heaven reviews
...in which Dean isn't sure if he's going to drown, suffocate or die of embarrassment - he is sure it's ALL BOBBY'S FAULT, though, and he intends to haunt the yard and make all the beer go flat... final chapter up - will Dean get his revenge?
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,906 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/18/2010 - Published: 11/14/2010 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete