robsessed4eva
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 11-21-10, id: 2624105, Profile Updated: 08-04-12
Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.

Name: Bani

Age: -.-

Occupation: High School

Country: India/ Singapore

Languages: English, Hindi, Sarcasm, Bitch, Gibberish

Interests: Reading (TWILIGHT!!!!!!), Watching Movies (TWILIGHT!!!!), Music etc

TEAM EDWARD

Favorite Actor: Robert Pattinson

Music: Pop

Favorite Singer: Enrique Iglesias

I am crazy for the twilight series and am obsessed with Edward Cullen.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I think no one good enough for me.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT/Getting A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (This is a hope for Twilight fans isn't it?? -cough-yes-cough-)
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE(Much), so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be ch
ildish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm EMO, so I MUST only wear black.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.


You have been Pinned
with Obsessive Cullen
Disorder. Put this on
profile if you've caught it

...V...Put this
...A...On your
...M...Profile
...P...If
...I...You
...R...Have
...E...That crazy
...S...Obsession over vampires 0RiGiNAL TWILGIHT FAN

Vampires sneak through the door and walk up the stairs, climb into your room and watch You sleep. Then when you awake they're gone in seconds. Paste this in Your Profile if you want to find your vampire when you wake up!

Normal people vs. Twilight fans.

Normal people- Say "OMG, Oh my gosh!

twilight fans- Say- OME! OH MY EDWARD!

Normal people- Are scared of thunderstorms

Twilight fans- Know the Cullens are playing base ball

Normal people- Say "Shut up or i'll tell on you."

Twilight fans- say "Shut up or i'll povoke the Volturi to come after you!"

Normal people- Think vampires are like Dracula

Twilight fans- Know better then to even think or Dracula when it comes to vampires.

Normal people- Go to a psychiatrist fo help.

Twilight fans- Know Jasper will make you feel better without saying a word

Normal people- Rely on the weatherman for weather predictions

Twilight fans- Rely on Alice!

Normal people- Choose to go somewhere suny for vacation

Twilight fans- Would rather go to Forks, Washington!

Normal people- Think this is stupid and skip it

Twilight fans- HAVE THIS ON THEIR PAGE

Twilight Crazy

I'll stay up till Twilight,

To see the New Moon.

And if i'm lucky,

I'll see the Eclipse,

at Breaking Dawn.

And the whole time,

I'm sitting with you,

Under the

Midnight Sun.

If you slap anyone who tells you that Edward Cullen is not real, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're addicted to the Twilight series, and can't go a week without getting a fix, copy and paste

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes seem to trip over thin air, put this in your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, put this in your profile.

If you have ever copy and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a proud stalker of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, put this in your profile.

If your greatest wish is to be Bella Swan, put this in your profile.

If you think it would be hilarious to see Bella beat Emmett in an arm wrestling match, put this in your profile.

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you truly believe there is an Edward Cullen out there for you (his name DOESNT have to be Edward Cullen), then copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is the cutest boy on the planet copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that only losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

If your so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think it's vampires playing ball, copy this to your profile

If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever wanted to be that little hyper pixie of Alice, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you cried, screamed, or threw a fit when Edward left Bella in New Moon, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe (or wish) that the Twilight characters exist, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you cried, screamed, or threw New Moon at the wall when Jane used her power on Edward, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had an unhealthy obsession with any -or all- of the Cullens and you don’t want to admit it even though you know admitting a problem is the first step to solving it but frankly you dont want the problem to be solved, copy this onto your profile

If you love Edward Cullen, copy this onto your profile

If you have AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder, then copy this down.

If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how gorgeous Edward Cullen is because you don't want said georgous Edward Cullen to hear, copy and paste this into your profile.

TEAM EDWARD: because all guys should be this perfect!!!
TEAM BELLA: because she's a clutz like me!!!
TEAM ALICE: because seeing things before they happen rocks!!!
TEAM EMMETT: because we all luv a guy with muscles!!!
TEAM JASPER: because he's always there to brighten the mood!!!
TEAM ROSALIE: because all girls should be jeolus of her beauty!!!
TEAM ESME: because everyone should have this be this caring!!!
TEAM CARLISLE: because all docters should be this gifted!!!
(v)
*..*

You say werewolf...

I say vampire...

you say Taylor Lautner...
I say Robert Pattinson...
you say traditional vamps...
I say vegetarian vamps...
you say Rabbit...
I say Volvo...
you say Jacob...
I say Edward...
you say Underworld...
I say Twilight...
you say fire...
I say ice...
you say Billy Black...
I say Carlisle Cullen...
you say New Moon...
I say Breaking Dawn...
you say Team Jacob...
I say go 'La push' and throw yourself off a cliff!!

Copy and Paste this if you wish you could throw Jacob of the cliff in La Push!!

Copy and paste if you hate Jacob Black.

Copy and paste this if you believe in love at first sight.

Copy and paste this if you have ever had a dream that you were making out with Edward Cullen.

Copy and paste if you think Jacob probably has flees.

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier, hotter and spicier Than You since 1901

Carlisle Cullen: Compassioner Than You since 1640

Esme Cullen: Motherly Than You since 1895

Bella Cullen: Luckier Than You since 1987

Renesmee Cullen: Talanted Than You since 2008

Forget Princess I Wanna Be A VAMPIRE

TEAM ROSALIE: because deep down we all think she's awesome.

TEAM JASPER: because he can snap at me anytime.

TEAM ESME: because she's the coolest mother ever.

TEAM EMMETT: because we all love a guy with muscles.

TEAM EDWARD: because we wish all guys were this perfect.

TEAM CARLISLE: because all doctors should be this hot.

TEAM BELLA: because she's the luckiest girl that ever existed.

TEAM ALICE: because seeing things before they happen rocks.


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
is in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
msesed up and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!


16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

TOP 50 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE ON AN ELEVATOR!

1) When there's only 1 other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend that it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons & pretend they give you a shock. Smile & go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for the other people and push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you are on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you are waiting for a friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say "Hey Greg, How's your day been?"

6) Drop and pen & wait until someone goes to pick it up and then scream "NOOO THAT'S MINE!"

7) Bring a camera & take pictures of everyone on the elevator.

8) Bring a Twister mat and ask if people want to play.

9) Leave a box in the corner, when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

10) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

11) Stand really close to someone and sniff them occasionally.

12) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's ok! Don't panic, they will open again!"

13) Swat at flies that aren't there.

14) Call out, "Group Hug!" & then enforce it.

15) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut-Up, all of you, just shut up!"

16) Stand silently & motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

17) Stare at another passenger for awhile and then yell in horror, "Your one of THEM!" & then back away slowly.

18) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to other people.

19) Listen to the walls of the elevator with a stethoscope.

20) Make explosion noises when someone pushes a button.

21) Start, grinning at another passenger and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"

22) Draw a square in the corner with a piece of chalk and then say to other people, "This is MY personal space, don't invade or I'll bite you!"

23) Whistle the 1st 7 notes of "It's a Small World" over and over again.

24) Sell Girl Scout Cookies.

25) Sway from side to side the whole ride.

26) Shave.

27) Crack open your purse and while peering inside ask, "Do you have enough air in there?"

28) Offer name tags to everyone and wear yours upside down.

29) When you get to your floor try and open the doors yourself and act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

30) Greet everyone who comes in the elevator with a big handshake.

31) Do Tae Bo exercises.

32) When about 8 people are on the elevator moan.."Oh no! Not now! Damn motion sickness!"

33) Meow, occasionally.

34) Bet other people that you can fit a quarter up your nose.

35) Walk with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.

36) Leave a box between the doors.

37) Start a sing-a-long.

38) When the elevator is silent ask, "Is that your beeper?"

39) Play the harmonica.

40) Say "Ding" at each floor.

41) Set up a chair and desk in the elevator, and whenever anyone gets on, say, "Hello! Welcome to my office. Do you have an appointment?"

42) Blow spit-bubbles.

43) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

44) Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it is getting larger!"

45) Whenever someone steps in the elevator in a deep voice say, "GET OUT!"

46) Act like you are having a seizure.

47) Break dance to elevator music.

48) Jump at each floor to make the elevator bounce.

49) Drop a bag of groceries and look around like it was the other peoples fault.

50) If you made anyone feel uncomfortable by doing any of these things tell them "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!" When they ask if you are serious just look away & sulk.

This is what I will not do at Hogwarts:

1. Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms.

2. I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

3. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. It is not extra credit.

4. I will not feed first years to Fluffy.

5. I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month".

6. I will not throw a Bogart in front of Hermione just to see the look on her face when she sees a failed exam.

7. I will not hex Slytherins into oblivion every chance I get, no matter how much they deserve it.

8. It is not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

9. I will not make lightsaber sounds with my wand.

10. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

11. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".

12. I will not start a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher.

13. I am not allowed to refer to myself as a Jizard, combination of a Jedi and a Wizard.

14. I am not allowed to create a mass petition of the entire school (professors included) to get Lupin back as the Defense teacher, seeing as he doesn't have Voldemort strapped to the back of his head, he isn't a complete nut job, he isn't an impostor, he isn't a toad faced ministry loving piece of pure evil, a grease haired git, or relatively near insane.

15. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick’s wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

16. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

17. I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

18. I will not feed first years to Aragog either

19. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "The Marauders” as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

20. Putting down "Fred and George Weasley" probably isn't the best idea either...

21. I will not use the Room of Requirement as a party hall to annoy the magic out of Umbridge. (But she’s evil!)

22. I will not have a private army of Jizards.

23. I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

24. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover. (JK, yes it is)

25. I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

26. - Especially not all of them at once. (imagine that happening. Haahhahaha)

27. I will not shout out that Snape has greasy hair at random in the middle of his class.

28. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

29. When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce “These are not the droids you are looking for”.

30. The four Houses are not the Unrealistic Heroes, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.

31. I will not claim that Luna is indeed crazy and in need to be locked up in the cookoo shack

32. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

33. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".

34. Nor is Dumbledore the magical equivalent of Gandalf

35. I will not attempt to assassinate Umbridge with every chance I receive

36. I will not play the Imperial March theme when Professor Snape walks into class, slamming the door, shutting the blinds, pulling down the over head and demanding "Turn to page three hundred and ninety four."

37. - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

38. I will not attempt to steal Hermione's arithmancy homework.

39. I will not charm the Slytherin common room to be gold and burgundy, unless I want to die.

40. I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall, again, unless I want to die.

41. I will not hit on the defense teacher *cough* the *cough* sexy *cough* werewolf *cough* him *cough*

42. I will not refer to Hagrid as the Big Friendly Giant.

43. I will not ask Professor Binns repeatedly if stuff just flies through him.

44. I will not strap a harness to James Potter and proclaim him to be one of Santa Claus's (a.k.a Dumbledore's) reindeer.

45. I also will not strap a harness to Sirius and proclaim him to be a sled dog.

46. I will not plant rat traps around Peter Pettigrew's bed.

47. –Or continuously taunt him with cheese.

48. I will not point at Crookshanks and scream "CHEWBACCA!"

49. –Or make deep grumbling wookie noises at him.

50. I will not mistake Crookshanks for a rug.

51. I will not write in enchanted edible ink and feed it to Sirius just so I can tell Snape that the dog ate my homework.

52) I will not refer to Snape as "YOU GREASY HAIRED GIT!"

53) I will not give Lupin chocolate pancakes with chocolate syrup and chocolate milk first thing in the morning just to see him bounce off the walls for the rest of the day

54) I will not run up to the Fat Lady and scream "OMG BEHIND YOU! IT'S SIRIUS BLACK!"

55) I will not ask Snape if he liked Lily or not

56) –And then accuse him of being gay if he says no

57) I will not run around muggle London screaming "MAGIC IS REAL! THE FORCE IS REAL! THE JIZARDS ARE OUT TO GET US ALL…..I'M NOT CRAZY!"

58) While Snape is walking by, I will not accidentally say "Let's play exploding Snape-er I mean Snap…."

59) I will not run up to Professor Trelawney at random, tip over one of her crystal balls and run away

60) I will not call Snape "Snivellus" in the presence of Lupin, causing us both snicker, and then get in trouble

61) I will not accidentally call Dumbledore "Gandalf"

62) -Or ask him if Gandalf is his long lost brother from an alternate universe of hobbits and rings

63) I will not steal Lupin's Wolfsbane potion during his time of month just to drive him crazy…..literally

64) I will not compare Snape's life to Darth Vader's

65) I will not curse Voldemort out in Parsletongue

66) I will not steal polyjuice potion from Snape's potion closet and then blame it on Harry and his lot because they are so much more likely to have done it

67) I will not transform Draco into a cute little white ferret for entertainment's purposes

68) I will not boo very loudly every time someone says Snape

69) I will not replace Snape's lesson projections with tapes of the Potter Puppet Pals

70) I am now allowed to use my secret army of Jizards to overthrow Umbridge

71) –Nor am I allowed to use them to raid Honedukes for all their chocolate

72) I will not attempt to throw Professor Trelawney into the cookoo shack

73) I will not walk up to Snape with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore and Voldemort behind me and start singing "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape"

74) I will not send a howler to Snape from "The ghost of Lily"

75) I will not use the stolen polyjuice potion from # 54 to turn into Lily and tell Snape that I always liked James more. And if he doesn't start treating Harry better, I would continue to taunt him about how much of a pathetic looser he is.

76) I am not allowed to throw various objects at the back of Professor Binns's head while he's writing on the chalkboard, just because it's so amusing to see things fly through him like that

77) I will not accuse Luna of stealing my sanity

78) I will not use the Whomping Willow as a thrill ride

79) I will not use the overused "Are you serious?" "No, he's Sirius" joke over and over

80) I am not allowed to unleash an army of Pygmy Puffs on Snape

80) I will not ask Snape if he needs a hug

81. I will not walk into the trophy room and stare while saying, "Look at all the shiny things."

82. I will not try and give Neville the wrong password to the Gryffindor common room

83. I will not tell the Fat Lady that Sirius Black says hi.

84. I will not ask Cho if her parents accidentally sneezed when they named her.

85. I will not poor a goblet of pumpkin juice over my head because it just isn't acceptable behavior.

86. I will not try to pay the house elves for their services.

87. I will not write "mine" on everything that isn't mine.

88. I will not start wandering around the common room saying, "What is that mysterious ticking noise?"

89. I will not add random ingredients to potion just because I like to watch things explode.

90. I will never dye Draco Malfoy’s hair Gryffindor gold and red.

91. I will never give Hermione a book called "Why I Shouldn't Read Books."

92. I will never lock Slytherin and Gryffindor houses in a room together and take bets on who would come out alive

93. I will not ambush first years dressed up as a Death eater and waving green flashlights around while screaming Avada Kedavra at the top of your lungs.

94. Although people say that house elves are supposed to help you, you should never ask them to do your homework.

95. I will never sneak into the Gryffindor common room to paint it green and silver unless I happen to adore the idea of a painfully long demise.

96. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".

97. I will not tie-dye all of the owls.

98. I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall

99. Or anywhere else for that matter.

100. I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout “Long live Lord Voldemort” because I think it’s funny.

101. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time. (or the 50thousandth….)

102. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.

103. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

104. There is no bring a muggle to school day.

105. And I should stop insisting there is.

106. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

107. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

108. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

109. Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

110. Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate.

111. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer.

112. I will not have a private army.

113. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying, "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.

114. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy; he does not need to be told... again.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

EMO kids have cool hair.

EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami

BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.

“Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You
guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it...”

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Music is love in search of word.

Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

Whose cruel idea was it for the words ‘lisp’ to have an‘s’ in it?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?

Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”

Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?

Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?

“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”

Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.

You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I’m the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys and friends before love.

I don’t obsess! I think intensely.

Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

I’m so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

When I say LOL I’m not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say.

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Stupid shiny Volvo owner.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you

“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”

Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”

“Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.”

“I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”

“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”

“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

“A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying ‘Man, that was fun!’”

“If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.”

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

Unfortunately, you can’t die of a broken heart.

“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover or a person by their scars”

“It’s not until you’re broken that you know what you’re made of.”

“It requires MORE courage to suffer than to die.”

“You said that you would die for me, you must live for me too”.

“To die is nothing but a long goodbye.”

"If you so much as leave one syllable, I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish!-if you'd like to fax me, press the star key."

I hate irony

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile

115. Trying to out-argue a Slytherin will lead to no good.

116. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

117. I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.

118. I will never, ever, attempt to correct Professor Moody about anything.

119. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

120. I am not allowed to charm the words Ferret Boy onto Draco’s forehead.

121. I will not dare first years to eat bugs. They will always do it.

122. I am not allowed to hit Bludgers at spectators.

123. I am not a magical creature.

124. I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.

125. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.

126. I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true.

127. It is not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

128. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.

129. The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

130. Hogwarts is in the UK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore, 'Avada Kedavra' does not fall under First Amendment freedom of speech rights.

131. When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'.

132. I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room.

133. I will not poison first years. No matter how much I think they need it.

134. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.

135. I am not to tell Muggleborn first-years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans taste better when one eats a whole handful simultaneously.

136. I will not attempt to repel Dementors by covering myself in chocolate body paint.

137. The bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise.

138. Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate.

138. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

139. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Lupin's office door.

140. Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being called 'Ferret Boy'

141. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable.

142. I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

143. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong.

144. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.

145. I will not wear my 'I'm a Death Eater and Proud Of IT!' shirt at school

146. I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

147. -Or a Death Eater

148. -Or Professor Snape

149. -Or Harry Potter

150. -Or Hermione when she turned into a cat

151. -Or Draco Malfoy and claim I'm a vampire

152. -I'm not allowed to dress up on Halloween

153. At End-of-the-year-battle against Voldemort, I will not go up to Harry and say "May the Force be with you"

154. I will not make lightsaber sounds when in a duel

155. Not allowed to pull Draco Malfoy's chair out from underneath him.

156. Not allowed to pretend I'm Fred or George Weasley and escape on a broom to make a joke shop.

157. Not allowed to pretend I'm Harry Potter and roll around the floor, screaming, "Voldemort's coming! Voldemort's trying to eat meeee!”

158. Crabbe and Goyle do have brains and those comments are uncalled for.

159. Not allowed to shout, "All hail the Dark Lord!" whenever Harry Potter comes into the room.

160. I shouldn't put a giant neon sign in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom by the sinks, saying "CHAMBER OF SECRETS, OPEN 24-7".

161. "But they were too stupid to figure it out!" is not an excuse for doing so.

162. Binns is not the most boring person in the world . . . well, not allowed to say that, anyway.

163. Not allowed to play with matches. (You pyromaniac)

164. Not allowed to set fire to the school, Snape, or my siblings.

165. My name is not Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, or Prongs.

166. Not allowed to say Voldemort's name . . . oops.

167. The correct response to "Are you serious?" is a simple a "Yes, I am" Or "No, I'm not." Not, "You idiot, Bellatrix killed him."

168. "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" is not allowed to be said on school grounds.

169. Murder is not a healthy way to let out my anger.

170. "But Voldemort does it!" is not an excuse to do so.

171) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

172) Following in the footsteps of the Weasley twins does not qualify as a special service to the school.

173. I will not sing 'Defying Gravity' during Quidditch practice.

174. I will not leave messages on the wall in ketchup.

175. As the professors demonstrate the spells, I am not allowed to look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

176. I will not reply with "follow the spiders" whenever someone asks for advice.

177. I will not scream and pretend to drop dead whenever I see green light.

178. I will not say "Alohomora!" every time I open a door. Especially when it's not locked.

179. I am not allowed to yodel during important parts of Dumbledore's speech.

180. Eating a bar of chocolate that weighs more than I do is a bad idea. I may not do so.

181. I will not dance the robot during divination.

182. I will not push Draco Malfoy in front of me if I mock a hippogriff.

183. I will not start wandering around the common room saying, "What is that mysterious ticking noise?"

184. I will not annoyingly ask, "Why?" after everything Professor Snape says.

185. I will not dye the dementor’s robs pink.

186. I will not run down the hall screaming “Remus is after meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!”

You Know You’re a Book Addict If:

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.

Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. (seriously? If i start reading, i don't stop until i'm done.)

You write fanfictions about the book.

You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books.

You accidentally call everyone by the character's names.

Everything reminds you of the book.

You quote random lines all the time.

You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.

You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class.

You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod.

You've got a book memorized.

You've read a book more than five times.

You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days.

You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like.

You've plotted to murder a character and steal her boyfriend.

You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional.

You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.

Your idol is a character from a book

I am a book addict and proud of it! If you are as well, then copy and paste this on your profile page.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Diva Diaries by KiyaRaven reviews
*TAKEN DOWN. MANY APOLOGIES.* Dear Diary, When he left, I became numb. Safe in a bubble of denial and bitterness. Now, he's back, and I've agreed to be his co-star in a new Broadway play. Obviously, if there were a Nation of Stupid People, I would be their Queen. A/H
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,419 - Reviews: 12682 - Favs: 6,070 - Follows: 5,413 - Updated: 3/3 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
To Destroy by walkingwithgiants reviews
In the words of Abe Lincoln, "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend." Bella works for a man that makes her teeth grind. "My boss is an asshole," she cried.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 44 - Words: 93,921 - Reviews: 3366 - Favs: 2,431 - Follows: 3,611 - Updated: 2/19 - Published: 10/25/2011 - Bella, Edward
The Misadventures of Daisy and Swirl by m81170 reviews
"Daisy bit her lip and nodded, trying hard not to audibly moan. The way Swirl wielded his hammer rendered her speechless." For the moments that boring, young geeks and social pariahs share - snapshots from Swirl and Daisy.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 19,216 - Reviews: 937 - Favs: 748 - Follows: 861 - Updated: 1/13 - Published: 6/19/2010 - Bella, Edward
An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy by m81170 reviews
A first kiss, a first dance, a first curse word shared between best friends. This is the tale of a boring, young geek and the social pariah who thought the world of him. A tale of growing up. A tale of a Non-Romantic Romance.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 41 - Words: 224,833 - Reviews: 14094 - Favs: 6,914 - Follows: 6,907 - Updated: 1/11 - Published: 1/4/2010 - Bella, Edward
A Forbidden Love by Elise de Sallier reviews
Innocence - A Forbidden Love. Thank you so much for the wonderful support of the fanfic community! Elise de Sallier (aka Twiloversue)
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 57 - Reviews: 12393 - Favs: 3,786 - Follows: 3,619 - Updated: 12/22/2013 - Published: 10/11/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Expectations and Other Moving Pieces by chrometurtle reviews
Everything I had done in my life seemed to lead up to this moment. The moment when I found myself bound inextricably to a man I didn’t love, trapped in a life I didn’t want. And if I left him, I would be entirely alone.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 227,237 - Reviews: 14949 - Favs: 8,479 - Follows: 8,900 - Updated: 11/11/2013 - Published: 10/13/2009 - Bella, Edward
Eternally Damned by twiXlite reviews
Edward is THE ultimate vampire. The original. What happens when a visit to the Volturi causes him to pay the Cullens' a visit? Will he find them a threat to the world he's spent an eternity shaping or will he leave them be and let them live in peace?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 173,728 - Reviews: 4487 - Favs: 4,832 - Follows: 2,603 - Updated: 4/30/2013 - Published: 4/27/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
When Does it End by jess2002 reviews
I'm Bella Swan and this is my story. It's not the best story, and many people call me stupid for the decisions that I have made for myself. My story contains a lot of abuse, not only from the man who raised me, but from the man I love. M for a reson R&R
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 22 - Words: 77,585 - Reviews: 634 - Favs: 457 - Follows: 229 - Updated: 1/31/2013 - Published: 7/3/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Last Tango in Forks by AwesomeSauce76 reviews
Bella Swan has spent a lifetime putting everyone else's needs before her own. Could a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger begin to change all of that? AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 33 - Words: 189,639 - Reviews: 16098 - Favs: 8,632 - Follows: 5,658 - Updated: 1/12/2013 - Published: 4/23/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Hit By Destiny by ocdmess reviews
Bella wants to die, and almost gets her wish fulfilled when she gets hit by a shiny Volvo. She is left with serious injuries, and the only thing keeping her from dying is the person who hit her. All Human, Rated M for language, dark themes & violence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 59 - Words: 463,685 - Reviews: 19923 - Favs: 11,234 - Follows: 6,804 - Updated: 11/29/2012 - Published: 10/24/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Feisty in Four Inch Heels by MarLea Pie reviews
I organize Events for a living; Weddings are a different kind of hell. Try planning a wedding when the brother of the bride is an infuriating, arrogant, breathtaking man, constantly at odds with your opinion…evil in Armani. God help me, I wanted more…RATED M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 63,760 - Reviews: 500 - Favs: 472 - Follows: 745 - Updated: 8/30/2012 - Published: 9/28/2011 - Bella, Edward
Enemy Mine by alexanya07 reviews
Bella and Edward have grown up hating each other. Can being forced to spend one HOT Spring Break together change all of that?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 36 - Words: 210,741 - Reviews: 1317 - Favs: 1,668 - Follows: 1,003 - Updated: 8/14/2012 - Published: 7/25/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Ashes, Records, and Window Panes by Christie Hart reviews
They're so close, but they've never been further apart. "I can't do this anymore," he shakes his head, "We already fought, Isabella. We're done." "No," she says firmly, "We're not done, until I say we're done."
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 15 - Words: 53,828 - Reviews: 667 - Favs: 512 - Follows: 488 - Updated: 8/9/2012 - Published: 12/20/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
There Will Be Freedom by johnnyboy7 reviews
Sequel to the story There Will Be Blood. Two years have passed. Bella and Edward are safe on their island but will the dark underworld of crime pull them back in? Rated M for language, lemons, dark scenes, and violence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 42 - Words: 319,532 - Reviews: 11774 - Favs: 5,567 - Follows: 4,128 - Updated: 7/21/2012 - Published: 3/1/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Practice to Deceive by Livie79 reviews
I saw her today. I wasn't impressed. But he wanted her, and that was enough for me. She was just collateral damage. AH ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 131,761 - Reviews: 4548 - Favs: 2,969 - Follows: 2,327 - Updated: 7/8/2012 - Published: 1/1/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Virgin Blood by col.mustard reviews
Bella is sent to a vampire's castle. She thinks she is going to die, but Edward has other ideas. This story involves Edward's sexual domination over Bella, but is ultimately a love story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 24 - Words: 71,564 - Reviews: 901 - Favs: 997 - Follows: 727 - Updated: 6/2/2012 - Published: 4/26/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
A Slow Boil by kts reviews
Bella's an exchange student hoping to find a job to keep herself employed for the summer so that she can stay on at an exclusive University. Her best job prospect is a part-time housekeeping position with one Mr. Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 83,904 - Reviews: 2207 - Favs: 3,245 - Follows: 1,186 - Updated: 2/2/2012 - Published: 6/4/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Craving an ordinary life by busybee37 reviews
When a vampire imprints their love is eternal. The downside is that they become possessive, domineering idiots. Bella is one of the unfortunate few humans who possesses a mutated gene which guarantees an imprint. Join her as she attempts to tame Edward.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 38 - Words: 160,715 - Reviews: 1486 - Favs: 1,611 - Follows: 1,041 - Updated: 1/2/2012 - Published: 2/23/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Master of Darkness by Bonesy Babe reviews
There was no rhyme or reason to our passion...our partnership. He was the lion and I was the foolish lamb that choose to love him. He was my darkness, and I relished the freedom of that dark embrace. All Human/OOC/AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 22 - Words: 53,545 - Reviews: 140 - Favs: 163 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 12/2/2011 - Published: 10/24/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Unintended by knicnort3 reviews
Edward didn't care about anything or anyone, but a cruel scam on the pastor's daughter sends his world upside down.A meaningless night to him results in a teen pregnancy followed by a marriage that neither of them wants. *AH* EPOV* Sum Inside
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 131,786 - Reviews: 2080 - Favs: 1,440 - Follows: 888 - Updated: 10/24/2011 - Published: 9/17/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
There Will Be Blood by johnnyboy7 reviews
Edward Cullen,25,the son of a Chicago mob boss. He is second-in-command, cold and dangerous. Bella Swan,18,small town girl who has just enrolled as a freshman at Northwestern. A story about how love can survive in the cruelest of worlds.Very OCC.Rated M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 48 - Words: 368,286 - Reviews: 12182 - Favs: 8,643 - Follows: 3,963 - Updated: 2/21/2011 - Published: 7/6/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Elemental by TallulahBelle reviews
AU/AH: When the Swans return to their birthplace, Bella learns she is no ordinary teenager, and Forks is no ordinary town. Can she fulfill her destiny with the powerful Edward Cullen, or will the dark forces that threaten their families destroy them all?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 30 - Words: 189,571 - Reviews: 8954 - Favs: 8,237 - Follows: 4,777 - Updated: 2/8/2011 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Twist and Go by sue4442 reviews
Bella, Alice and Rose work in a club as strippers, but this is for their own advantages rather than anyone elses, everything goes perfect for them, until our three men come to pay a visit, beware, this story starts off a bit sickly, scary and repulsive.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 27 - Words: 83,830 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 231 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 12/10/2010 - Published: 3/6/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dark alleys and other love stories by Incognito Burrito reviews
Vampire Edward meets human Bella when she is being attacked in a dark alley. Things get ugly and Edward is forced to take her to his house to save her.Not all great love stories start once upon a time and far far away; Some begin down dark alleys.A/U ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 51,787 - Reviews: 1251 - Favs: 1,018 - Follows: 417 - Updated: 11/30/2010 - Published: 8/18/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Here's to Strategy by LauraLoo7 reviews
Bella Swan is the CEO of a successful marketing firm in Washington, and she's worked hard to get there. When her VP hires a new manager from a competitor, Bella demands perfection. But this guy thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. Who will win?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 152,135 - Reviews: 530 - Favs: 427 - Follows: 301 - Updated: 9/16/2010 - Published: 10/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
TheMissingChronicle:TheLion,The Witch&HisLioness by BringOnTheShackles reviews
Bella is captured and sold as a slave to Edward. She hates him, she doesn't love him, she doesn't even know his second name. But is there more to Bella than meets the eye? After all Bella is only short for Isabella. Isabella Swan. Lemons;Etc
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 97,788 - Reviews: 2208 - Favs: 1,338 - Follows: 966 - Updated: 9/14/2010 - Published: 3/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Blessing and the Curse by The Black Arrow reviews
By pretending she is falling for Edward, Bella is fulfilling Esme's dying wish. But sexy, possessive Edward can read her mind. Will she ever get into his? Can Bella forget the pain of her teenage years, and can she resist his relentless seduction? AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 140,448 - Reviews: 14088 - Favs: 14,626 - Follows: 8,103 - Updated: 9/10/2010 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Lords of the Gangland by LeeCullen89 reviews
Edward Cullen is a hot, bad, gangsta fella who is a new kid in the Chicago underworld. But refusing to pay his respects to the big, ruling Godfather, his arrival is not welcomed. Bella is said Godfather’s estranged daughter who becomes Edward's prisoner.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 60,011 - Reviews: 1369 - Favs: 1,560 - Follows: 1,536 - Updated: 6/4/2010 - Published: 7/13/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Screamers by KiyaRaven reviews
Street kid. Rockstar. Worlds apart and yet so similar. Sometimes fate throws people together for a reason, and sometimes two people that rub each other the wrong way make the best sparks. All Human **WARNING: MOSTLY HUMOR BUT ALSO CONTAINS ANGST & DARK THEMES**
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 358,773 - Reviews: 12412 - Favs: 6,873 - Follows: 3,413 - Updated: 6/2/2010 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Let's Love Hate by Foreverx17 reviews
Edward and Bella have been separated for three months, can’t stand each other, and—oh yeah—their family has no idea. ALL-HUMAN; SLIGHTLY OOC; CANON PAIRINGS; FULL SUMMARY INSIDE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 171,995 - Reviews: 1151 - Favs: 1,771 - Follows: 809 - Updated: 5/8/2010 - Published: 9/29/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Start Over by Tainted Grace reviews
After a bad break up with her boyfriend of almost 2 years Bella decides to start over, the thing is he wont let her. AU fic. ALL HUMAN. Edward&Bella. If dominating Edward isn't your thing i suggest not to read.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 81,629 - Reviews: 524 - Favs: 712 - Follows: 421 - Updated: 10/14/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
There for you by crimsonfirefly7 reviews
Two of the most popular rock bands in the country are making music history under the same record label. What happens when they are forced together even though their lead singers, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan absolutely despise each other. All Human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 78,266 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 178 - Updated: 8/5/2009 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Edward, Bella
Cursed by cALLIEfornia BENches reviews
They're neighbors and best-selling authors. They're competitive and run in the same circles. It seems like fate is playing with them like toys with they way they're constantly pushed together. It never ends. They hate it--And they hate each other. ExB AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 36 - Words: 149,994 - Reviews: 1439 - Favs: 451 - Follows: 513 - Updated: 7/29/2009 - Published: 9/10/2008 - Bella, Edward
Labour of Devotion by Rosette-Cullen reviews
A collab between Kitschisme and Rosette-cullen Isabella Swan has lived as a servant her entire life. She has come to expect cruelty from her masters, but will her luck change when she is purchased by the mysterious, brooding millionaire Edward Cullen?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 22 - Words: 61,006 - Reviews: 2707 - Favs: 2,082 - Follows: 1,283 - Updated: 3/26/2009 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Ultimate Plan reviews
Bella Swan-Thirty Million Dollars. Edward Masen- Professional Thief. Add the two and you get… The Ultimate Plan.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 54,817 - Reviews: 248 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 3/22/2013 - Published: 6/9/2012 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Beautiful Predator reviews
He hovers over his prey's body, His dark shadow keeps him concealed... Just a random poem inspired by edward and bella. OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 161 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/26/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
New Moon The End edward POV reviews
We all know how Bella felt in that moment when Edward left. But what is HE going through? The pain of being separated from one's mate is too much for any vampire. Read on to know Edward's emotions and grief as he broke up with Bella in New Moon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,155 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/11/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete