Vendetta 5th
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Joined 11-21-10, id: 2624637, Profile Updated: 06-17-12
Author has written 1 story for Fallout.

Story's in Progress/on the idea board:

Fallout New vegas-The Lion, The Bull and the Bear.

Assassins Creed

To quote a Friend: Eventually, this, will, happen.


Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I Die, You are forgiven. If I Live, I will kill you." Such is the Rule of Honor.

Megadeth-omerta

The rich and the poor.

There's always been a great divide between the elite and the proletariat,

the weak and the strong.

The question is,

if your one of the deprived,

one of the oppressed,

one of the unlucky ones,

do you just stand there and take it?

Live off the scraps of others?

Retreat?

Or do you fight back?

Rise up.

Resist.

When all is said and done it turns out that we're all the same, because we all share one thing:

all things must come to an end

and sometimes,

those who have the least, have the most to fight for.

Lulu: You know those moments in your life when you just... wonder what could have happened if you'd chosen a different path? Made a different decision? Wondered if, maybe, just maybe, if you'd done something differently, you could have back everything you lost?

Friend: Oh god, Lulu, what's wrong?

Lulu: I bought the wrong muffin.

Lulukins.

"Ultimately, heavy metal draws in the outcasts, the downtrodden, the clowns, and the freaks. It takes them and molds them into something new, something creative, something confident. Heavy metal makes them into something unstoppable."

Iron

You can't break a man the way you break a dog, or a horse. The harder you beat a man the taller he stands. To break a man's will, to break his spirit, you have to break his mind. Men have this idea that we can fight with dignity, that there is a proper way to kill someone; It's absurd, it's an anaesthetic. We need it to endure the bloody horror of murder. You must destroy that idea. Show them what a messy, terrible thing it is to kill a man, and show him that you relish in it.

Shoot to wound, then execute the wounded. Burn them. take them in close combat; destroy their preconceptions of what a man is and you become their personal monster. When they fear you, you become stronger, you become better. But let's never forget, it's a display, it's a posture, like a lion's roar or a gorilla thumping at its chest. If you lose yourself in the display, if you succumb to the horror, then you become the monster. You become reduced, not more of a man, but less; and it can be fatal.

Anonymous

I've come a long way to find
My own self-worth
My own reason to love
To want what I want
And I still want you

Anonymous

I live my life free of compromise and step into the shadows without complaint or regret

Walter Kovacs-WATCHMEN

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. [laughs] Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me "V".

V- V FOR VENDETTA

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

Edward Blake-WATCHMEN

I'm disappointed in you, Adrian. I'm very disappointed. Reassembling myself was the first trick I learned. It didn't kill Osterman. Did you really think it would kill me? I have walked across the surface of the sun. I have witnessed events so tiny and so fast, they could hardly be said to have occurred at all. But you, Adrian, you're just a man. The world's smartest man poses no more threat to me than does its smartest termite.

John Ostermen-WATCHMEN

I turn your flaws into beauty,
And you’re seeing this as a bad thing.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, well, you’re the one who’ll be missing me.

You already have the information. All the names and dates are inside your head. What you want, what you really need, is a story. …I'll leave such judgements to you, Inspector. Our story begins, as the stories often do, with a young up-and-coming politician. He is a deeply religious man, and a member of the conservative party. He is completely single-minded, and has no regard for political process. The more power he obtains, the more obvious his zealotry, and the more aggressive his supporters become. Eventually, his party launches a special project in the name of national security. At first, it's believed to be a search for biological weapons, and is pursued without regard to its cost. However, the true goal of this project is power: complete and total hegemonic domination. The project, however, ends violently. But the efforts of those involved are not in vain, for a new way to wage war is borne from the blood of one of the victims: imagine a virus, the most terrifying virus you can, and then imagine that you, and you alone, have the cure. But if your ultimate goal is power, how best to use such a weapon? It's at this point in our story that along comes a spider. He is a man seemingly without a conscience, for whom the ends always justify the means, and it is he who suggests that their target should not be an enemy of the country, but rather the country itself. Three targets are chosen to maximise the effect of the attack: a school, a tube station, and a water treatment plant. Several hundred die within the first few weeks. Fueled by the media, fear and panic spread quickly, fracturing and dividing the country, until at last the true goal comes into view: before the St. Mary's crises, no one would've predicted the results of the election that year, no one. And then not long after the election, lo and behold, a miracle! Some believed it was the work of God Himself, but it was a pharmaceutical company controlled by certain party members that made them all obscenely rich. A year later, several extremists are tried, found guilty, and executed, while a memorial is built to canonise their victims. But the end result, the true genius of the plan, was the fear. Fear became the ultimate tool of this government, and through it, our politician was appointed to the newly created position of High Chancellor. The rest, as they say, is history...

V- V FOR VENDETTA

Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world. Was Rorschach. Does that answer your questions, Doctor?

Walter Kovacs-WATCHMEN

Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us, but within that inch, we are free.

Valerie Page-V for Vendetta

(Referring to the Comedian:) He saw the true face of the 20th century and chose to become a reflection, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke, that's why he was lonely. Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

Walter Kovacs-WATCHMEN

I shall die here. Every inch of me will perish. Every inch but one. An inch... It is small, and fragile, and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that, whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and things get better. But I hope most of all that you understand that even though I will never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.

Valerie Page-V for Vendetta


Fanfiction/Roleplay Quotes

Love? What is love to what we feel? An emotion? A Feeling? Something our brain makes up to get beings to get sexually active? Was love how Mikhael's voice made her swoon in an instant, making her faint in the head and her heart pound viciously? Was love how Mikhael's comforting words made her happy and crazy all at the same time? Was it love that she placed all her trust in this demon? What if he decided to hurt her? What if he was lying to her and used her like a puppet? Would she care? Would she cry? Would she take a chainsaw to his face?

Her mind swirled a bit at all these questions, her heart palpitations getting worse. What would William think? What would the Reapers think? Would she get in trouble? Was this even allowed?

Do I care more about him than my social status with the Reapers? She thought to herself, laying her head on him like she would a pillow as a few glistening tears escaped her face. What if he hurts me? What if I hurt him? Why is this happening? She seemed to sit in quiet contemplation, her fingers running themselves against his long tresses of hair. God he smelled great today. Maybe it was because of the blood? No...

She buried her face a bit deeper into his chest unnoticed, going past the scent of blood, the scent of a demon.Cologne. Her mind registered, and she inhaled softly. It smelled so nice. No, not it.He smelled nice. He smelled ravishing. The scent did to her like hallucinogenic berries does to a poor sucker eating them. It makes them crave it more.

Callista looked up at him, his handsome and chiseled features more defined as her eyes landed on his lips. She wondered if those lips were a virgin. They probably weren't, for god sakes he was a demon...but they looked unbruised, soft..supple like what hers used to be before she got cut in the lip and a few bruises made itself known on the corner of her lips. She moved one free hand to brush some hair out of his face, a small smile on her lips.

Obviously it was love. Her heart jumped and danced when the hair moved back gracefully, as graceful as it could get for a demon. Her pale digits lingered on the side of his face, tracing the jawline, putting enough pressure that she could feel the fangs hidden beneath the flesh, but not to hard to make him pull away.

He sort of looked cat-like, and though she'd prefer a dog over a cat... If he were on the market, she'd take him instantly.I've been staring at him too long... I have to ruin the moment.She thought quickly, when realization attached to her face. She brought her other hand to his other cheek and she grinned like a cat, making a similar purring sound that he would make,

" You're such a loyal kitty Mikhael Kitty Kitty Kitty." She said happily, rubbing her nose against his.

Eve-Black Butler roleplay


We are Anonymous.

We are Legion.

We do not forgive.

We do not forget.

Expect us.


Song Lyrics:

"Slip Out The Back"

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you I been looking for a purpose
Well I met this kid who thought like I did
He had a weird way of looking at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I don't remember where I met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was just too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I don't need to tell you that life isn't fair, it doesn't care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you I want someone to say its OKAY
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when I'm saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care


THE BRO CODE:2012 Edition

You've probably heard the word "Bro" used liberally at your local bar or gym. Perhaps you've even seen it recklessly confused with "dude" or "guy" in an adventure themed soft-drink commercial. Maybe even you yourself have unwitthingly tossed out a "Bro" when asking a stranger for the time. But an important distinction must be drawn: just because a guy is a dude, doesn't mean that dude is a Bro.

Q: What is a Bro?
A: A Bro is a person who would give you the shirt off his back when he doesn't want to wear it anymore. A Bro is a person who will bend over backwards to help you bend someone else over backwards. In short, a Bro is a lifelong companion you can trust will always be there for you, unless he's got something else going on

Q: Who is your Bro?
A: Your mailman is a Bro, your father was once a Bro, and the boy who mows your lawn represents the Bro of tomorrow, but that doesn't make him your Bro. When someone has faithfully upheld one or more of the codes in The Bro Code, then you may consider him you Bro. Warning: Exercise caution when bringing home a hot chick-your brother may or may not be you Bro.

Q: Can only dudes be Bros?
A: You don't need to be a guy to be somebody's Bro, provided you uphold the moral values contained within this sacred canon. When a women sets a guy up with her busty friend, she's acting as a Bro. And if she sets him up with other hot friends after he slept with the first one and never called her again, then she's officially his Bro.

BRO CODE!

The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That's just science.

Did You Know...Article 1 can trace it's genesis all the way back to Genisis. No, not the Peter Gabriel/Phil Collins pop triad, but the biblical book. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls has unearthed a once-lost passage that documents the earliest infringement of The Bro Code.

Book Of Barnabas 1:1And everything of need was provided in that Garden. Fruit, water, companionship. But one day, Adam came upon a naked chick, Eve, and desired her olive leaf. And so Adam wenteth behind and apple tree to know Eve, totally ditching his Bro, Phil, who had Knicks tickets, Courtside. Long story short, humankind became self-aware, paradise was lost, and well, we all know what happened to the Knicks.

Article 2 : A bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it

Note: Had Butch Cassidy come charging out of the cabin alone people would have been like, "Dude, come one". If only one Spanish dude had decided to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would've been like, "Dude, come one". If only Tommy Lee had worn eyeliner in the early day of Motley Crue, pleople would've been like, "Lady, come one". The license to be stupid is why we have Bros in the first place.

Article 3 : If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

COROLLARY: Naming a lapdog after a pro wrestler or a character from a Steve McQueen movie does not absolve a Bro from the spirit of this article

Article 4 : A Bro never divulges the existance of The Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred doucment not to be shared with chicks for any reason... no, not even that reason

Note: If you are a woman reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math
Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is- a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience though the prism if stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within. *Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.

Article 5 : Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.

Article 6 : A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room

COROLLARY: If a bro gets naked in a locker room, all other Bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while, at the same time, immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage: "If a towel drops to the floor, so should your eyes".

Article 7 : A Bro never admits he can't drive, even after an accident

Article 8 : A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro

There are no sentiments between Bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail. The following are a few emails for any Brocassion that succinctly get the message accross without costnig you the trouble and expense of having to find and then send an actual greeting card.

EMAILS FOR ANY BROCASSION
SYMPATHY
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude

Sorry, Bro.

CONGRATULATIONS
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro!

Nice, Bro!

GET WELL SOON
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Bro...

Don't give up, Bro.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
To: Bro
From: Bro
Subject: Dude

Drinks on me, Bro.

THINKING OF YOU
To: N/A
From: N/A
Subject: N/A

N/A

Article 9 : Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three!" or "Wow quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball". It's still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls... metaphorically speaking, of course

Article 10 : A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick

It's normal for a Bro to get confused and disorientated when dumping a chick. For some reason he's worried she'll become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to have sex with her friends. This is when a Bro most needs his Bro to remind him that there are plenty more chicks in the ocean, and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful, or even time-consuming.

SIDE-BRO: HOW TO DUMP A CHICK IN SIX WORDS OR LESS

"Maybe try a side salad instead"
"Cute! You're growing a mustache, too!"
"She looks like a younger you"
"I will finance a boob job"
"Sorry I threw out your shoes"
"Your sister let me do that"

Article 11 : A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furniture. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are - in most cases, stuck in the doorway.

Article 12 : Bros do not share dessert.

Article 13 : All Bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman

Article 14 : If a chick inquires about another Bros sexual history, a Bro shall honour the Brode of Silence and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than to tell the truth.

Article 15 : A Bro never dances with his arms above his head.

Article 16 : A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series and Playmate of the Year.

Article 17 : A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of Screaming.

America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder, and the tradition has been screamed from generation to generation. But you can’t just scream at anybody …. You can only scream at those beneath you.

For example my own corporate Scream Pyramid

[Pyramid Under Construction]

Article 18 : If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after can canvassing the group.

NOTE: To avoid confrontation, it’s a good idea for the bro to jettison the receipt before returning to the party.

Article 19 : A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro’s sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry of another Bro says, “Dude, your sister’s hot!”

COROLLARY:It’s probably best for everyone if Bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other Bros are coming over.

CHECKLIST FOR BRO-PROOFING YOUR HOME

• Hide all pictures of hot sisters, moms and first cousins.
• Open liquor bottles and dust the bar to give the impression you actually use it.
• As a courtesy, move printed porn from the bedroom to the bathroom.
• Scan DVR playlist and remove embarrassing TV programs like daytime talk shows.
• Open all windows.
• Display all remote controls on the coffee table, regardless of functionality.
• Disconnect answering machine, or…
• Call Mom an hour before your Bros arrive.
• Coasters, coasters, coasters!
• Sign out of email account.
• Usher girlfriend/booty call off the premises.

Article 20 : A Bro respects all his Bros in the military because they’ve selflessly chose to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.

Article 21 : A Bro never shares observations about another Bro’s smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying, “She’s smoking-hot, huh?” a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he’s the only one who should be baiting.

Article 22 : There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

Women make excellent Bros. Why? Because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the Chick Code.

DO CHICKS REALLY HAVE THEIR OWN CODE?

Yes, I’m afraid so. One morning, before slipping out the door while my hostess was in the shower, I happened upon a copy of the rumoured tome. I didn’t have time to flip must past the pink bedazzled cover, but here are some of the phases I remember seeing on the frilly pages within:

• A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend, unless she does.
• A chick never pays for anything. Ever.
• If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.
• If a chick hears a chick-empowering song like “I Will Survive,” she shall stop whatever she’s doing, grab another chick’s hand, and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.
• A chick may get a dog as a pet, but only if it fits in her mailbox.
• If two chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.
• A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner.
• A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

Article 23 : When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes, but is not limited to, exercise shows, women’s athletics, and on some occasions, surgery programs.

Article 24 : When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’ clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

Article 26 : Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

Article 27 : A Bro never removes his shirt infront of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.

Corollary: A Bro with a coat of fur on his back keeps that thing covered at all times, even at a resort pool or the beach. Sorry, Bro.

Article 28 : A Bro will, in timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.

A Bro must, in timely manner, communicate the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety (henceforth "girl fight"), in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A "timely manner" is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, carrier pigeons, fiber optics, shouting, postcards, and telepathy. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video, or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

Article 29 : If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 PM. Also, despite the cost of savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

Article 30 : A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

Article 32 : A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty.

Article 33 : When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball... rebounding is optional.

Article 34 : Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's threeway.

Article 35 : A Bro never rents a chick flick.

Article 36 : When questioned in the company of women, a Bro alays decries fake breasts.

When in conversation with a woman, fake breasts may arise, but not in the way that you'd like. It's not uncommon for a woman to deftly use trick questions in order to probe a Bro's real thoughts on the subject of breats augmentation. And don't be fooled into thinking your prepared speech on the beauty of the natural human form can get you out of it.

HOW TO HANDLE FAKE BREASTS

Wrong Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: Totally. Unnatural is unsexy.
Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

Wrong Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: Whose?
Chick: You know who I'm talking about.
Bro: Oh. Yes, those must be fake.
Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

Wrong Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: No?
Chick: Well then, why don't you go marry her, then???

Correct Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: I Wouldn't know.
Chick: Oh. Well they are.

Article 37 : A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If a women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly, they're not that heavy.

Article 38 : Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

Article 39 : When a Bro gets a chick's number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

SIDE-BRO:
ASK Uncle Barney

Q: I'm confused- if a woman gives me her phone number, doesn't that mean she wants me to call her? Why do i have to wait so long?
A: Broflation- an unreasonable increase in female expectations about how Bros should act. you call a woman the next day, and soon enough, women everywhere will expect guys to call them the next day. Before you know it, Bros the world over will find themselves trapped in relationships, and all because you couldn't wait ninety-six little hours.

Q: Okay, I've waited ninety-six hours. When's the best time of day to call ?
A: Cal during the middle of the day. You'll have a better chance of catching her voice mail, which ultimately means less conversation. With any luck you'll be able to set something up without ever having to talk to her. Note: Never call after 9 PM-- late-night phone calls are the province of the booty call, and only the booty call. See Article 92 for further elaboration.

Q: I've always heard you wait three days? Why does the Bro Code specify four?
A: If you've always heard that a bro should wait three days before calling, you can bet that women have, too. By waiting an extra day, you can make the chick feel special.

Article 40 : Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and atempt to heal him. this is more commonly known as "a bahelor party."

Article 41 : A Bro never cries.

EXCEPTIONS: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.*

Applies only to the first time he retires.

Article 43 : A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

Article 44 : A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.

EXCEPTION: If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.

Article 45 : A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club.

WHY A BRO NEVER WEARS JEANS TO A STRIP CLUB
1. Cloth pockets are roomier and more elastic, allowing for thicker wads of cash.
2. Denim clashes with a club's leopard, zebra, or other safari animal motif.
3. One word, two syllables, three hours in the ER: Zipper.
4.It's a performance, and deserves respect. these erotic dancers have practiced tirelessly on a technically demanding piece of choreographed art. Would you wear dungarees t a ballet?*
5. You don't feel it as much on your kazoo.

Trick question. Bros don't watch ballet.

Article 46 : If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the on-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.

Article 47 : A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe

Article 48 : A Bro never publically reveals how many chicks he's banged.

COROLLARY: A Bro never reveals how many chicks another Bro has banged.

When a chick meets a Bro there are three things she wants to know:
1. How much money does he make?
2. Is he shorter than her?
3. How many chicks has he banged?

Eventually, she will figure out the first two, but a bro never answers the third question. If, however, a bro feels compelled to answer (i.e., sex is being withheld until he supplies a tally), he can calculate an acceptable number using the following formula:

HOW MANY CHICKS IS IT SAFE FOR A BRO TO SAY HE'S BANGED?
n= (a/10 s) 5

n= number of chicks
a= Bro's age
s= inquiring chick's slut factor (1=nun, 10 former nun)

Article 49 : When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "i got it," whether or not he's actually got it.

EXCEPTIONS: Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car, loading an expensive TV into an expensive car.

Article 50 : If a Bro should accidently strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

Article 51 : A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

If you can't get a bro to scope out your blind date beforehand, there is a way to at least learn how promiscuous she'll be–– have her choose the date venue.

BLIND DATE TRANSLATIONS currently under construction.

Article 52 : A Bro is not required to remember another Bro's birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably wouldn't kill him.

Article 53 : Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

Article 54 : A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty's day and other official Bro holidays, including halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).

BROETRY CORNER
There was a young lass from Killarney,
Who promised a gentleman named Arnie,
That she only was his,
Though a fat lie this is,
'Cause last night she was screaming "O'Barney".

I was in love with a chick named pam,
Who showed me pics of her fam,
Pretty cute cat,
But her mom was fat,
So i dumped her that night on the tram.

Article 55 : Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.

Article 56 : A Bro is required to alert another bro if the Bro/Chick ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to Avoid Broflation, a bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ration of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

Article 57 : A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that bro has thrice confimed he wants to hear it.

Article 58 : A bro doesn't grow a mustache.

Exception: When shaving, it's more than okay for a Bro to keep the whiskers around hes mouth untill the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.

Exception: Tom Selleck.

Article 59 : A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless its out of state or, like, crazy expensive.

WHEN BAIL IS CRAZY EXPENSIVE?

Crazy Expensive Bail > (Years You've Been Bros) x $100

Article 60 : A Bro shall honour thy father and mother, for they were once Bro and Chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.

Article 61 : If a bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information avaliable tho his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks is Bro already knows.

Chicks seem to think annual events other than Mardi Gras, the NFL Draft, and the day the swimsuit edition comes out are worthy of celebration. I don't understand why, either, but i do know if become involved with a woman for more than the occasional toss in the hay (which is expressly not advised), you'll need to be able to recall bertain days of the year with relative accuracy.

Article 62 : In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If they both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who brought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.

Mark with an 'x' if the sentence applies to you!!! Add them up as you go!

Level 1

( x) Smoked A Cigarette

( x) Smoked A Cigar

( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

SO FAR: 2

Level 2

(x) Are / Been In Love

( ) Dumped someone

( x) Been Fired

(x) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 5

Level 3

(x ) Had A Crush On An Older Person

(x ) Skipped Class

( x) Slept With A Co-worker

(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 7

Level 4

(? ) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your DA Friends

( ) Been To Paris

( ) Been To Spain

( x) Been On A Plane

( x) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 9

Level 5

( x) Eaten Sushi (Ewewewew)

( ) Been Snowboarding

(x) Met Someone Through Internet

(x ) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 12

Level 6

(x ) Been In An Abusive Relationship

(x) Taken Pain Killers

(x) Liked/loved Someone Who You Can't Have

(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By

(x) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 17

Level 7

( ) Had A Tea Party

(x) Flown A Kite

(x) Built A Sand Castle

( ) Gone muddin

(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 20

Level 8

(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves

() Gone Sledding

(x) Cheated While Playing A Game

(x) Been Lonely

(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 24

Level 10

(x) Watched The Sun Set

(x) Felt An Earthquake

( x) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 27

Level 11

(x) Been Tickled

( x) Been Robbed / Vandalized / Frauded

( ) Been cheated on

(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 30

Level 12

(x) Won A Contest

( ) Been Suspended From School

( x) Had Detention

( ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 32

Level 13

( ) Had / Have Braces

( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night

( ) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR : 32

Level 14

(x) Hated The Way You Look

( x) Witnessed A Crime

( ) Pole Danced

(x) Questioned Your Heart

() Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 35

Level 15

(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud

( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World

(x) Swam In The Ocean

(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 38

Level 16

() Cried Yourself To Sleep

( x) Played Cops And Robbers

( ) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers

( ) Sang Karaoke

( x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 40

Level 17

(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't

(x) Made Prank Phone Calls

( ) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage came out of your nose

( ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 42

Level 18

(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus

(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About

(x) Blown Bubbles

(x ) Made A Bonfire On The Beach Or Anywhere

SO FAR: 46

Level 19

(x ) Crashed A Party

( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People

(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading

( ) Had A Wish Come True

( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 48

Level 20

( ) Worn Pearls

( x) Jumped Off A Bridge

( x) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"

( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 50

Level 21

(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cubes

( x) Kicked A Fish

(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes

(x ) Sat On A Roof Top and watched the stars

SO FAR: 54

Level 22

(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs

() Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel

() Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours

() Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 55

Level 23

(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree

(x) Climbed A Tree

( x) Had/Been In A Tree House

(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 59

Level 24

() Believe In Ghosts

( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes - not in one go though

( ) Gone Streaking

( ) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 59

Level 25

(x) Played Chicken

(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on

(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger

( ) Broken A Bone

(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 63

Level 26

( x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later

( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one

(x) Caught A Butterfly

(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried

() Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 66

Level 27

(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone

(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You

(x) Cheated On A Test

(x) Forgotten Someone's Name

( ) French Braided Someones Hair

( x) Gone Skinny Dipping

( x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 72

Level 28

(x) Rode A Roller Coaster

(x ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling

(x) Had A Cavity

(x) Black-Mailed Someone

() Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 76

Level 29

(x) Been Used

(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs

() Licked A Cat

(x) Bitten Someone

(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 80

Level 30

( ) Been shot at/at gun point

( ) Had sex in the rain

( x) Flattened someones tires

(x) Rode in a car/truck until the gas light came on

( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

GRAND TOTAL: 82

KEY:

0-10:Go Outside

11-20:Get a Life

21-30:Loser

31-40:Loner

41-50:You have friends?!?!?

51-60:Your kinda sorta cool!

61-70:I'll hang w/ u

71-80:Mrs. Cool

81-90: Dude, ur sweet!

91-100:Freakin awesome!

101-110:Whoa!

111-119: Holy crap, you belong in a hospital!

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