americalovesthecockpit
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Joined 11-30-10, id: 2637551, Profile Updated: 01-10-14
Author has written 39 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers.

Update 01/10/14

I'm back :)

I've been really busy with real life so I hadn't been on here much. If you had PM'd me and I didn't reply, I'm sorry!! I got overwhelmed. Just message me again and I will reply this time.

XXX

Links to my banned fics:

(take out the spaces)

"Pounding Mochi" (England/ Amerimochi) (my most popular fic before it got banned) archiveofourown . org / works/420322

"Ambiguous" (England/ New Zealand) archiveofourown . org / works/435183

"The Safeword is Beethoven" (UKUS, America/ Austria) : archive ofour own . org / works/ 438331

My other archive: archive ofour own . org / users / americalovesthecockpit /

(Sorry but I'm no longer taking requests!)

Gotta Try 'Em All by Thrice Written reviews
It's no secret that America and England can get pretty kinky when they're in the mood for it. But just how kinky, exactly? Well, a little indulgence every now and then can't hurt . . . right? Relevant warnings inside. Kink fic. RP with americalovesthecockpit.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,875 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 75 - Published: 3/28/2013 - England/Britain, America
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

iPregnant reviews
England knocks up America while America is texting on his iPhone. But America runs into a very serious pregnancy complication after an unfortunate masturbation accident! That poor fetus ... UKUS/ USUK, mpreg, crack, pretty gross stuff.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 19,771 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 1/13/2014 - Published: 1/10/2014 - England/Britain, America
It's Okey! It's Story Time reviews
England breaks up with America after America accidentally leaves a sexy message on the wrong person's answering machine. So Amerimochi tells him a story to cheer him up! A story that makes no sense. TOTAL CRACK, mostly in Amerimochi's POV. Yeah, really.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,796 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 8 - Published: 4/13/2013 - England/Britain, America - Complete
Waning Gibbous Moon reviews
CRACK! America becomes obsessed with Twilight and it distracts him from sexy times with England. So England gets even by hypnotizing America into believing he really is a vampire ... who drinks semen instead of blood. But England's plan backfires when America craves drama just as much! UKUS with sorta CanUS too.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,248 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/22/2013 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Moar To Love reviews
England's been gone for a few months and when he finally visits America, he sees that America has really let himself go. He's not just fat. He's OBESE. But England goes on a date and tries to have sex with him anyway, because it's Valentine's Day, aww. USUKUS, crack, fail sex.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,016 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/13/2013 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Sodomize Me, Cap'n! reviews
America just wanted to watch "My Little Pony," but England breaks into his house dressed as a pirate and demands kinky role-play sex. England was long overdue to plunder some booty, and other bad pirate jokes. CRACKY UKUS SEX AHOY!
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,335 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 10 - Published: 2/1/2013 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Pleasin' for the Season reviews
It's Christmas Eve, and extremely religious!America just wanted to spend it doing nice, Christian things. But then sodomite!England shows up at America's door. He's drunk, accidentally gives himself breasts with his magic, and they may or may not be tempting to supposedly straight America. Total crack, male lactation, USUKUS.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 17,169 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 1/3/2013 - Published: 1/1/2013 - England/Britain, America - Complete
A Stain Tide Couldn't Handle reviews
England has a confession for America. A very bizarre one that America thinks is a joke. But for England it is TOTAL DRAMA. This fic is PURE CRACK and labeled drama for the lulz.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,137 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 10 - Published: 12/5/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Paraphilial Activity reviews
COMPLETE. England accidentally chokes to death, though only temporarily because he is a country. What is America to do with his dead body in the meantime? It drives him mad and he asks France for help. Bad idea. USUK, crack, lulz, and a little bit of necrophilia.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 16,373 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 10/31/2012 - Published: 10/30/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Frozen Yogurt Baby reviews
America lies and tells England he's pregnant, but in reality he's just getting fatter from eating at all the new frozen yogurt shops that have opened up recently. M-preg parody, UKUS, crack.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,880 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 12 - Published: 9/4/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
A Maiden's Heart and Other Girly Parts reviews
England gets tired of America never letting him top, so he uses his magic to temporarily turn America into a girl. With the help of England's magical friends, they teach him a memorable lesson about the importance of bottoming. AWWWWW. USUK and UK/femUS, crack. Also, there's some smut.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,953 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 14 - Published: 8/26/2012 - [England/Britain, America] - Complete
Oh Sweet Jesus reviews
USUKUS. When England adds the extra event of a Masturbation Marathon to the Olympics, extremely religious!America ... who is also very homophobic ... tries to say he's sick to get out of it. TOTAL CRACK.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,161 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 12 - Published: 8/10/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
The Elephant in the Room reviews
America and Canada are at the mall and find themselves at Spencer's Gifts. In the adult section! They joke about the things there and have a lulzy time. But then America sneaks a couple of the items home with them ... Silly, cracky AmCan!
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,338 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 14 - Published: 6/29/2012 - America, Canada - Complete
Virgin Island reviews
America realizes he's never had any sexy times with England, but very much wants to. But for some reason, no matter how hard he tries, or how kinky he gets, England bolts! America thinks he just needs to be more creative and even kinkier, but he never even considers that England is actually a virgin. SURPRISE! Cracky USUK, America's POV for the lulz.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 20,196 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 136 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 6/23/2012 - Published: 6/21/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Golden Arches reviews
America buys a bed shaped like a giant hamburger. And asks England to bang him on it. Oh, and to pick up some McDonald's on the way too. Cracky UKUS.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,643 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 10 - Published: 6/9/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Stripperific reviews
Once a week, all the countries must gather at a strip club and watch the loser of a bet perform. America really doesn't want to do deal with that though. He'd rather just eat pizza. The other countries are determined to fix this ... especially England and Canada. Total crack and lulz, UKUS and CanUS.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,720 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/3/2012 - Published: 6/2/2012 - America - Complete
That's Not Very Becoming of a Gentleman reviews
It's been nine months since England and America last saw each other, and England is absolutely desperate for a good rough shag. But America is taking his sweet time. Sexual frustration ahoy! USUK, smut towards the end.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,307 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 25 - Published: 4/20/2012 - England/Britain, America - Complete
On Your Knees reviews
COMPLETE. Sodomite England wants extremely religious!America very desperately. But buttsex isn't easy when America is so very homophobic. Jesus is such a cockblock sometimes. America's POV and labeled Spiritual for the lulz!
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,776 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 4/7/2012 - Published: 4/6/2012 - America, England/Britain
Cockblocked! reviews
It's April Fool's Day, and America plays an epic prank on England. Shame England doesn't think it's funny and withholds sex from him. So America calls France asking for advice. Of course that's a bad idea ...
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,016 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 6 - Published: 3/31/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
My Shake Weight Brings All the Boys to the Yard reviews
CRACKY UKUS! America uses a Shake Weight to train for the Olympics. And we all know what THAT looks like. England sure does, so America comes up with a stupid but sexy plan to cost England his medals after he learns a secret from other countries ...
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,675 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/22/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
All Sexy on the Western Front reviews
CRACKY AmCan! America and Canada find an abandoned tank during WW2. And have sexy times in it. While calling the enemy Axis on the radio and forcing them to listen. An epic trolling and lulz ensue.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,160 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/5/2012 - America, Canada - Complete
FAP FAP FAP reviews
America is forever alone on Valentine's Day, so he spends it masturbating while thinking of England. Well, that was his plan, at least. But annoying interruptions keep ruining his special alone time! America's silly POV for the lulz.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,044 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 13 - Published: 2/13/2012 - America - Complete
Some Things Hallmark Just Doesn't Make a Card For reviews
SUPER CRACKY USUK! America is too rough during sex and accidentally gives England an anal prolapse. England is pissed. However is a hero to make it up to him? America's POV for the lulz.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,995 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 9 - Published: 2/8/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Bottoms Up reviews
UKUS. Fun fact: alcohol ingested via the rectum is absorbed directly into the bloodstream, making you extremely drunk in record time. America knows this, and during a night of drinking and body shots, asks England to help him experiment with it.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,979 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 15 - Published: 1/31/2012 - England/Britain, America - Complete
Le Laid reviews
Canada and France accidentally end up sharing a hotel room together. They watch bad porn, reminisce about Canada's awkward discovery of sex, and eventually have le sexy times. Silly Franada.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,725 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 20 - Published: 1/27/2012 - Canada, France - Complete
Happy Birthday, France! reviews
America and England sneak into France's bed while he's sleeping and try to have sex without waking France up. But don't worry. It's a Tempurpedic!
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,249 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 10 - Published: 1/4/2012 - America, England/Britain - Complete
In Soviet Russia reviews
NON-CON. Russia is creeping on America hardcore. America is not amused. This is actually supposed to be a humor story so enjoy my ticket to hell!
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,489 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 14 - Published: 12/15/2011 - America, Russia - Complete
The Lube Fairy reviews
SHEER CRACK. England won't tell Sealand where babies come from. So America decides to troll England by telling Sealand a horrifying lie about his birth, including England getting freaky with his magical fairy friends. Why? For the lulz.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,242 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 135 - Follows: 13 - Published: 12/3/2011 - America, Sealand - Complete
Bed Testing reviews
France blackmails Canada into telling him a private, saucy story about him and Italy. Silly Canada/Italy fluff.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,241 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 9 - Published: 12/3/2011 - Canada, N. Italy - Complete
Snuggie Sex reviews
England wants sex, but America is too cold. So he creates the greatest American invention ever ... the Snuggie! And has sex while wearing it. Written for the lulz. UKUS, in that order.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,693 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/24/2011 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Why So Bitter? reviews
America goes to please England but gets a nasty surprise! A whole mouthful. De-anon from the LJ kink meme.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,144 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/26/2011 - England/Britain, America - Complete
America and MochiEngland Make a Porno reviews
Japan totally ships USUK, so to indulge his fantasies, he pays a cash strapped America to have sex with MochiEngland in front of him and video tapes it. AmericaXMochiEngland, CRACK, I am going to hell for writing this.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,903 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 10 - Published: 9/28/2011 - America, Japan - Complete
Ménage à Trois Just Means Threesome reviews
England, America, Canada, and France all go to a bar together. America drinks the most, becomes a very silly drunk, and the end result is sex. Lemon, CanUSUK. Yes, all three at once.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,897 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/18/2011 - Complete
America's Brief Time in England reviews
USUK. America sends England embarrassingly graphic texts on the way to visit. When he arrives, they have an awkward, gross discussion about sex that leads to awkward, gross fail sex. Written for the lulz.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,122 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/21/2011 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Awesomesauce reviews
CRACK SMUT. America gets really turned on by food. England gets really turned on by America. Super cracky foodplay smut, written for lulz in America's totally awesome POV, dudes. USUK / UKUS. Yes, both.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,384 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 14 - Published: 7/7/2011 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Garden Hoe reviews
CRACK. A very confused America spies on England getting kinky with his magical friends. Is it masturbation or an orgy? Depends whether or not you believe ...
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,841 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 171 - Follows: 14 - Published: 5/24/2011 - America, England/Britain - Complete
Coercive Acts reviews
COMPLETE. England overhears America's VERY inaccurate version of his Revolution, so he reminds America of how he used to own him. UKUS dubcon in that order, emphasis on the dubious. It starts off with humor but becomes smut because England is a pervert.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 17,608 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 5/6/2011 - Published: 5/5/2011 - England/Britain, America - Complete
Pledge of Allegiance reviews
USUK. America wants England to pledge allegiance. Or else he's not getting any. It's smut so enjoy, you perverts.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,218 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 164 - Follows: 9 - Published: 3/31/2011 - America, England/Britain - Complete
America Has A Nice Hat reviews
Yaoi, CanUS. America runs his mouth and needs some sweet, sweet free Canadian health care. Written from America's totally awesome POV, fellow heroes. Don't be daunted by the length, because you know you like it long.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,891 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/10/2010 - America, Canada - Complete
Pat Down and Felt Up reviews
England must go through America's very extensive security pat down in order to fly home. It's smut but written for laughs from America's totally awesome point of view, dude.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,822 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/5/2010 - America, England/Britain - Complete