PhoenixDragonNightmare
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Joined 12-03-10, id: 2641072, Profile Updated: 08-29-11
Author has written 1 story for Pokémon.

WARNING: THIS. IS. A. TOTALLY. FREAKING. LONG. PROFILE!

You have been warned! :D *smile smile grin grin*

OMG I'M LAUGHING SO HARD! Advertisement from today:

Fanfiction is brought to you today by. . . SILKIES PLUSH PETS!
WHAT THE. . . ?!?!?

Ha.

Aww, I found this online. NOT TELLIN YA WHERE! *mwa-ha-ha-ha-cough-cough-hack-wheeze*

Charmanders are red,

Squirtles are blue.

If you were a Pokemon, I would choose you.

Your smile is stronger then a Hyper Beam.

Like Jesse and James, we'd make the perfect team.

I'll stay by your side, like Pikachu and Ash.

And I'll love you more then a level 100 Rapidash.

You're more Legendary than Entei, Zapdos, or Mew.

But out of all the 649, I choose you!

Not YOU! *sniffs snootily* Ha, ha.

Name: Joelle. Not telling last name 'cause I don't want no stalkers. And if I find a stalker, I hit them on their head with my fav. PJO book, then yell at them because their thick skull left a dent in my book and I needed to return it to the library that Saturday.

Age: Turned 10 recently. Well...on Christmas...

Fav. Books/Series: PJO (If you don't know what that is...*faints dramatically*), Maximum Ride (TOTALLY), Harry Potter (sort of-ish), Warriors, Seekers, The 39 Clues,...I think that's it.

Fav. Movies: I LOVE the PJO series, but, seriously, the movie sucked. Compared to the book, that is. Well...Then there's The Harry Potter Movies...though they did leave some stuff out, and...nah, that's it.

Fav. Color: Aqua Blue, Turquoise, Sea-foam Green

I'm a half-blood. Deal with it.

Oh, BTW...just a note. If you people out there are wondering why I don't have any "Copy and paste this into your Profile" thingamaboberwhatchamacallitthingys, it's just that I don't really like them. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE!!!!!!!

Read if you are...bored, happy, sad, weird, cool, awesome, nerdy, tall, non-tall, medium tall...I DON'T CARE JUST READ!

Thank you (smiles graciously) Now, would you care for a nice cup of tea?

TOO BAD! Seriously, though...I don't have any tea.

So...Here goes, then! A-hem...

'Sup to all the peoples of the world who own, are using, and/or borrowing computers (or have stolen one)!

Welcome to my profile! If you don't care and wanna read my story(ies)...well...uh...then...keep looking...??? Or click that beautiful (sniffle) little "hide bio" button right there in the top right...

If you actually care (aw, thank you!), keep reading! Here are some factlets about moi:

I love music (shocker!). I love Nintendo, Wii, Computer Games (be surprised!) I love reading (whoa, no one EVER knew!)

I am a tomboy (meaning, I'm a girl).

Age: NOT TELLIN!

Where I live: . . . on Earth. Duh. Or maybe not. WHO KNOWS?!?!

I have like multiple personalities or something. Like sometimes I'm all weird and laughy, sometimes I'm all emotionless rock like Fang in Maximum Ride (or, how he used to be).

MY GUY/GIRL SIDE! (BTW, the bold phrases are the ones that describe moi...Wait...NO, NOT THIS SENTENCE! Or the one before, or...*sigh*...)

MY GUY SIDE:

You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think
Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night

Total: 21

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

You wear lip gloss/stick.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink (I'm forced to. Meh.)
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of everything

Total: 3

. . . . no comment . . . . .

ANYWAYS, you'll learn more about me some other time (you know, maybe), but for now, please read the other random stuff that were hilarious/awesome enough for me to post on my other websites to make them look longer!

Okay . . . . PEACE! For most people, anyways...

(rah)² (ah)³ + ([roma (1+ma)] + (ga)² + (ooh)(la)² = bad romance. Do you get it? :D

THIS IS THE COPYRIGHT OF...uh...me...???

DO...NOT...COPY!!! I repeat...DO...NOT...COPY!!! AND...DO...you get the point...

Or do you? Actually, profiles are meant to be copied...so...yeah.

Wisdom of Life

According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

Generally, generalizations are wrong.

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?

Whatever you are, be a good one.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

Belief gets in the way of learning.

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.

We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

Cynics are made, not born.

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .

If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.

Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.

Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder (Just kidding).

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled "Bang", I don't think you'd kill too many people.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

The 50-50-90 rule: any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright. (Especially when the battery's low).

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver. Blood is red. And I am now DEAD!!!

Be insane- well behaved people never made history.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Sucks for me.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.

It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it?

Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .

I'm not random . . .
I just have many thou- OH, A SQUIRREL!!!

I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!

Rock beats paper. Always.

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered each question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend...except one.
Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

KEWL, MUCH?!?!?!?!?!?

ON ANOTHER NOTE. . . . .

Yep, I'm Asian, in case you people out there didn't know...

ASIAN COMPLAINTS

1. We do not comprehend the words “ching chong”.

2. What the heck does “ching chong” even mean?!

3. MOST Koreans DO NOT make nuclear bombs or eat dogs!

4. Just cause you see an Asian person it doesn’t mean they’re Chinese

5. We don’t always eat egg rolls and when we do, it’s NOT big news, okay?

6. Panda Express and China King are not considered “real” Chinese food.

7. Don’t ask us to speak our language, we will when we feel like it.

8. We don’t WANT to translate your name, so stop asking!

9. Don’t ask us to teach you curse words either.

10. Stop trying to pair up Asian guys and girls at your school and say they look cute together. Not all Asians belong together.

11. All Asian countries speak different languages.

12. Just because we’re Asian it doesn’t mean that we know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, etc. Even though I do.

13. Don’t say all Asian people look the same, that’s like saying all white people look the same, all African Americans look the same and all Hispanics look the same. When will you realize your stupidity? Never...

14. Surprise! Not all Asians are good at math!

15. Not all Asians are short.

16. Or skinny. (15 and 16 are an INSULT TO ME!!!)

17. By the way, it’s VietNAMese, not VietMANese.

18. What do you people stare at? Haven’t you seen an Asian person before?

19. Go ahead, make fun of us. We’ll just make fun of you in our own language.

20. Yeah we eat rice, so what? Got rice?

21. Don’t fold your hands and bow at us like you know what you’re doing cause honestly, you look like an idiot.

22. Don’t ask if the Chinese use cats in their food, if they did they would label it “cat lo mein” instead of beef lo mein. They don’t use cat if you didn’t already guess that by now.

23. People from India are Asians too.

Just saying...

Okay. Here's my basic equation of life. . .
Study=No Fail. No Study=Fail
Study+No Study=Fail+No Fail
Study (no+1)= Fail (no+1)
Divide each side by (no+1)
Study=Fail

PERCY JACKSON!:

No offense to Twilight fans whatsoever, this is just my opinion:

You say vampires, I say DEMIGODS
You say Bella and Edward, I say PERCABETH (see, they're cool enough to have a couple name)
You say Edward, I say PERCY
You say Bella, I say ANNABETH
You say Forks, I say CAMP HALF-BLOOD
What I'm trying to say is. . . .

Percy. Jackson. PWNZ.

Percy Jackson Pledge:

I promise to remember Percy

Whenever I'm at sea

I promise to remember Annabeth

Whenever a spider comes at me

I promise to protect nature

For Grover's sake of course

I promise to remember Luke

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Chiron

Whenever I see a sign that says ''Free Pony Ride''

I promise to remember Tyson

Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side

I promise to remember Thalia

Whenever a friend is scared of heights

I promise to remember Clarisse

Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright

I promise to remember Bianca

Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother

I promise to remember Nico

Whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others

I promise to remember Zoe

Whenever I watch the stars

I promise to remember Rachel

Whenever a limo passes my car.

I promise to remember The Stolls

when my home is beginning to unsettle.

I promise to remember Beakendorf

whenever I see someone working metal.

I promise to remember Silena

whenever a friend takes one for the team

I promise to remember Michael Yew

whenever I see a smile that gleams.

I promise to remember Briares

whenever I see someone playing hand games.

I promise to remember those lost in the Battle of the Labyrinth

whenever I see a cloth in flames.

I promise to remember those campers who fought against Kronos

whenever I see someone go against the odds.
Yes, I promise to remember PJO
wherever I may go
So all may see my obsession
because I know what the Olympians know!

WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS!

1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Pretend to have amnesia.
3. Say everything backwards.
4. Run into walls.
5. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
6. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"
7. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
8. Say all of the words in a film.
9. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!"
10. Wear a sticker that says "I'm retarded!"
11. Offer to do the dishes (or something else), and then say "Nah...(whatever you like that your parents HATE) is WAY more important!"
12. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.
13. Try and climb the wall.
14. Switch the light button on and off for awhile. Then say "Oh...I get it!"
15. Eat your hair. Or pick your nose. Or whatever.
16. When you shower or bath yell "I'm drowning!"
17. At everything they say yell "LIAR!"
18. Pretend to be a phone.
19. Try to swim in the floor.
20. Tap on their door all night.

10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D:

1. Ask For Directions To A Place You're Already At.
2. Try To Order Pizza From McDonalds.
3. Get Hit By A Parked Car.
4. Try To Watch Saturday Cartoons On A Thursday.
5. Try To Sell Your Money.
6. Try To Play The Alphabet On The Piano.
7. Eat All You Can Eat At A Store.
8. Get Into A Fight With Yourself And Lose.
9. Try To Go Swimming Without Getting Wet.
10. Ask For Diet Water At A Restaurant

The 10 Commandments of a Teenager!
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention it's cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection.)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect, and why the heck would you let yourself get arrested?!)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows Grandma has more money.)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off.)
8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school.
(Kiss them outside instead.)
9) Thou shall not worry about tests.
(Just cheat on them: better marks.)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave 'em in the middle.)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( What other time do I have to work on my hair?).

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion, right? Or are you a secret dictator just trying to suggest it?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On a steak: Serving suggestion: Freeze (But wouldn't that hurt your teeth? Oh, right...it's a suggestion...)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (and it was supposed to contain...? Oh, I know! Cupcakes! Right? ... No? Awwww...)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On Jack Link's Premium Cuts of Beef Jerky: :Common Sense Warning: Do not eat packet." (Oh, dang, I REALLY wanted to taste that packet!)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm. . . . .something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . )

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

STUFF TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of pencils and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice (or any kind of juice) on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away or rain-check.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Star Wars" theme.

11. In the Beauty department, practice your "looks" using different sized mirrors

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here! SOMEBODY, HELP!!!"

15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

TRY THIS!:

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake!

this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is retard cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on (or at least, smiling)

Life's Unanswered Questions:

Why does the sun lighten our hair and darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant?

If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?

If you try to fail, and then succeed, what've you really done?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

If your clone kills you, is that suicide?

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you saw with a sawhorse, do you seesaw with a seahorse?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

How can something be 'new and improved'? If it's new, what was it improving on?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for his ID?

How can you be ALONE with somebody? Think about it...

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish-washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes he brought?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?

How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If it's called a boxing RING, then why are they square?

If knowledge is power and power corrupts, doesn't knowledge corrupt?

What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

I'm the type of girl that will hang on
And never let go.
I'm the type of girl whose always hyper,
The one you don't wanna know.
I'm the type of girl you won't wanna date.
But would like to be just friends.
I'm the type of girl who knows the killer
Long before it ends.
I'm the type of girl whose room's a mess.
But whose thoughts are always neat.
I'm the type of girl who is incredibly weird
But you really wanna meet.
I'm the type of girl that holds her tongue
But never says what's right.
I'm the type of girl who loves to sleep
But reads all through the night.
I'm the type of girl you can't forget
Or get out of your head.
I'm the type of girl who'll stick by your side
Even when you're dead.
I'm the type of girl who says what she feels
And means every single word.
I'm the type of girl that falls up stairs
And sings songs you've never heard.
I'm the type of girl who spends her life
Writing stupid poems.
I'm the type of girl who loves to walk
'Cuz she wants to be alone.
I'm the type of girl that begs for love
But is too afraid to fall.
I'm the type of girl who feels so short
Even though she's tall.
I'm the type of girl you can't understand
For I'm a type too stupid to know.
I'm the type of girl who keeps hanging on
Long after you've let go.
I'm the type of girl who writes for hours
And dreams of what she'll never be.
I'm the type of girl who can only be defined
As different, complicated, and unique.
I'm the type of girl who can rhyme in a second
But is always slow to catch on.
I'm the type of girl whose had her heart broken
And wonders what went wrong.

YEP, THAT'S ME! *smile smile, grin grin*

I'm not much of a poet person kinda girl, but this is my ULTIMATE fave poem!

Disclaimer: MAX'S Poem, not mine. I wish. :P

WHITE

By Maximum Ride

White is the color of little bunnies with pink noses.
White is the color of fluffy clouds fluffing their way across the sky.
White is the color of soft-serve ice cream in a cone.
White is the color of angel's wings and Angel's wings.
White is the color of brand-new ankle socks fresh out of the bag.
White is the color of crisp sheets in schmancy hotels.
White is the color of every last freaking, gol-danged thing you see for endless miles and miles if you happen to be in Antarctica trying to save the world, which now you aren't so sure you can do because you feel like if you see any more whiteness- Wonderbread, someone's underwear, teeth- you will completely and totally lose your ever-lovin' mind and wind up pushing a grocery cart full of empty cans around New York City, muttering to yourself!!!

FUN QUOTES FROM BOOKS, TV, MOVIES, WHATEVER!

'"Braccas meas vascimini!"
I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant, "Eat my pants!"'
-Percy Jackson, The Lightning Thief, pg166 (actually, it means "my fly is vascimini". If he wanted to say "Eat my pants!", it's "Vescere bracis meis."

"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle. Forget about it."
"Percy, I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle."
The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle.
-Percy and Annabeth Chase, Lightning Thief, pg195

"Annabeth . . ." I stammered. "How did you . . . how long have you . . ."
"Pretty much all morning." She sheathed her bronze knife. "I've been trying to find a good time to talk to you, but you were never alone."
"That shadow I saw this morning-that was-" My face felt hot. "Oh my gods, were you looking in my bedroom window?"
"There's no time to explain!" she snapped, though she looked a little red-faced herself."
-The Sea of monsters, pg23

'I almost didn't recognize her. She was wearing a sleeveless silk dress like C.C.'s, only white. Her blond hair was newly washed and combed and braided with gold. Worst of all, she was wearing makeup, which I never thought Annabeth would be caught dead in. I mean she looked good. Really good. I probably would've been tongue-tied if I could've said anything except reet, reet, reet. But there was also something totally wrong about it. It just wasn't Annabeth.'
-Sea of Monsters, pg168 (aww)

'Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig."
"Me too." I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt.'
-Sea of Monsters, pg183

"Hubris? You mean that brown stuff you put on vegetables?"
"That's hummus. Hubris is much worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"
-Percy and Annabeth, Sea of Monsters, pg199

'I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
"Well?" Annabeth said.
"Um, who should I ask?"
She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."
"Oh. Oh, right."
-The Titan's Curse, pg12

'He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)'
-Titan's Curse, pg36

'When she smiled at me, just for a moment she looked a little like Annabeth. Then like this television actress I used to have a crush on in fifth grade. Then . . . well, you get the idea.
"Ah, there you are, Percy," the goddess said. "I am Aphrodite."
I slipped into the seat across from her and said something like, "Um uh gah."
-Titan's Curse, pg184-187 (aw)

Zoe:"Where is the dam snack bar?"
Grover:"The dam snack bar?"
Zoe:"Yes, what is so funny?"
Grover:"Nothing, I could use some dam french fries."
Thalia:"And I need to use the dam restroom."
Zoe:"I do not understand."
Grover:"I wanna use the dam water fountain."
Thalia:"And I want to buy a dam T-shirt."
"Moooooo!"
-Titan's Curse, pg208

"Think positive. Tomorrow, you're off to camp! After orientation, you've got your date-"
"It's not a date!" I protested. "It's just Annabeth, Mom. Jeez!"
"She's coming all the way from camp to see you."
"Well, yeah."
"You're going to the movies."
"Yeah."
"Just the two of you."
"Mom!"
-The Battle of the Labyrinth, pg2

'It was hard to concentrate on what she was saying, because everybody in the dining pavilion was stealing glances at us and whispering, and Annabeth was right next to me. I mean right next to me.'
-Percy Jackson, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg45

"New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you right now if you don't BACK OFF! . . . CLASS DISMISSED!"
-Percy, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg201

"Put your cap back on," I said. "Get out!"
"What?" Annabeth shrieked. "No! I'm not leaving you."
"I've got a plan. I'll distract them. You can use the metal spider-maybe it'll lead you back to Hephaestus. You have to tell him what's going on."
"But you'll be killed!"
"I'll be fine. Besides, we've got no choice."
Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me. And then she did something that surprised me even more. She kissed me.
"Be careful, Seaweed Brain." She put on her hat and vanished.
I probably would've sat there for the rest of the day, staring at the lava and trying to remember what my name was, but the sea demons jarred me back to reality.
-Battle of the Labyrinth, the infamous pg203 (FIRST KISS!!! And aw, Percy . . . lol)

'I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."'
-Percy, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg307

"With great power . . . comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."
-Nico di Angelo, Last Olympian, pg128 (my fave)

'Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition, right?"
I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching towards us.
"Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we'll see."
I figured it was the best offer I would get, so I stepped out from behind the school bus. I walked up the bridge in plain sight, straight towards the enemy.'
-Percy and Annabeth, The Last Olympian, pg181

"I'm so cool I wanna date myself, but I can't figure out how! You wanna date me instead?"
-Leo Valdez, Lost Hero (he's my fave in the new series)

Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, ‘festus’ means ‘happy’? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"
-Lost Hero

"I can't summon any more gas!" Leo warned. Then his face turned red. "Wow, that came out wrong. I mean the burning kind. Gonna take the tool belt a while to recharge. What you got, man?"
-Lost Hero

"Can we just call them storm spirits?” Leo asked. “Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks."
-Lost Hero (Oh, Leo)

Leo closed his hand and the fire went out. "Didn't want to look like a freak."
"I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell, 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!'"
-Lost Hero (WHOO!)

'I just love family meetings. Very cozy, with the Christmas garlands round the fireplace and a nice pot of tea and a detective from Scotland Yard ready to arrest you.'
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg39

"Oh no," I said panic rising in my chest. "No, no, no! Somebody get a can opener, I've got a god in my head!!"
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg218

"Now, now," Bast said. "It's not so bad."
"Right," I said. "We're stuck in Washington, D.C. We have two days to make it to Arizona and stop a god we don't know how to stop. And if we can't, we'll never see our dad or Amos again, and the world might end."
"That's the spirit!" Bast said brightly. "Now, let's have a picnic."
-Bast and Carter, Red Pyramid, pg241

"Hey, moose!” I screamed.
The Set animal locked its glowing eyes on me.
Well done! Horus said. Now we’ll both die with honor!
Shut up, I thought.'
-Carter and Horus, Red Pyramid, pg269

"Well," I said. "If you need me, I'll be outside, playing with sharp objects."
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg373 (another favorite)

"Die, enemies of Ra!" Sekhemet yelled. "Perish in agony!"
"She's almost as annoying as you," I told Horus.
"Impossible," Horus said. "No one bests Horus."
-Carter, Sekhemet, and Horus, Red Pyramid, pg417

'She blinked. "Hmm? Oh, don't care. What did Anubis look like to you?"
"What did... he looked like a guy. So?"
"A good-looking guy, or a slobbering dog-headed guy?"
"I guess . . . Not the dog-headed guy."
"I knew it!" Sadie pointed at me as if she'd won an argument.
"Good-looking. I knew it!"
And with a ridiculous grin, she spun around and skipped into the house.
My sister, as I may have mentioned, is a little strange.'
-Carter and Sadie Kane, Red Pyramid, pg508

"I looked across the river to Manhattan. It was a great view. When Sadie and I had first arrived at Brooklyn House, Amos had told us that magicians tried to stay out of Manhattan. He said Manhattan had other problems- whatever that meant. And sometimes when I looked across the water, I could swear I was seeing things. Sadie laughed about it, but once I thought I was seeing a flying horse."
-Carter, Throne of Fire, pg91 (PERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

'"Go," Anubis said. "I'm sorry I can't do more. But happy birthday, Sadie."
He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. . . . . .
And if I was humming "Happy Birthday" and smiling stupidly as I fled for my life-well, that was nobody's business, was it?'
-Sadie, Throne of Fire, pg113 (Sanubis fans, eat your heart out)

'"Would you like a treat?" Apophis asked. "We used to play so nicely together. Every night, trying to kill each other. Don't you remember?"
Ra poked his bald head above the throne. "Treat?"
"How about a stuffed date?" Apohpis pulled on out of the air. "You used to love stuffed dates, didn't you? All you have to do is come out and let me devour-I mean, entertain you."
"Want a cookie," Ra said.
"What kind?"
"Weasel cookie."
I'm here to tell you, that comment about weasel cookies probably saved the known universe.'
-Carter, Throne of Fire, pg411

"This is Berk. It's twelve days north of hopeless and a few degrees south of freezing to death. It is located solidly on the Meridian of Misery.
. . . My village. In a word; sturdy. It's been here for seven generations, but every single building is new. We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunset. The only problems are the pests. You see, most places have mice or mosquitoes. We have . . . ."
"Dragons"
"Most people would leave. Not us. We're vikings, we have stubbornness issues. My name's Hiccup. Great name, I know, but it's not the worse. Parents believe that a hideous name will ward off gnomes and trolls. Like our charming Viking demeanor wouldn't do that."
Random Viking: "AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Hiccup: . . .

Viking: Mornin!"
-Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, How to Train Your Dragon

"Well, nice of you to join the party. I thought you'd been carried off."
"Wha, who, me? Nah, I'm way to muscular for their taste. They wouldn't know what to do with all *flexes* this."
"Well, they need toothpicks, don't they?"
"The meathead with attitude and interchangeable hands is Gobber. I've been his apprentice ever since I was little. Well, littler."
-Gobber the Belch and Hiccup, How To Train Your Dragon

"Aw come on, let me out! Please! I need to make my mark!"
"Oh you've made plenty of marks. all in the wrong places."
"Please! Two minutes, I'll kill a dragon, my life will get infinitely better! I might even get a date!"
"You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even through one of these!"
"Okay, fine, but this will throw it for me." *hits Viking*
"See, now this right here is what I'm talking about."
"Bu- a, mild calibration-"
"Hiccup. If you ever wanna get out there to fight dragons, you need to stop all this."
"But you just pointed to all of me!"
"Yes! That's it! Stop being all of you."
"Oh ho ho."
"Oh ho, that's it."
"You, sir, are playing a dangerous game. Keeping this much raw viking-ness contained. There will be consequences!"
"I'll take my chances. Sword, sharpen, now."
-Gobber and Hiccup, How To Train Your Dragon

"One day I'll get out there. Because killing a dragon is everything around here. A Nadder head is sure to get me at least noticed. Gronckles are tough, taking down one of those would definitely get me a girlfriend. A Zippleback? Exotic. Two heads, twice the status. . . . And then, there's the Monstrous Nightmare. Only the best vikings go after those. They have this nasty habit of setting themselves on fire. . . . But the ultimate prize is the dragon that no one has ever seen. We call it the- "Night Fury!" "Get down!"
This thing never steals food, never shows itself, and *building gets blasted* Never misses. No one has ever killed a Night Fury. That's why I'M gonna be the first."
"Man the fort, Hiccup. They need me out there. Stay. Put. There. . . You know what I mean. AHH!!"
-Hiccup and Gobber, How to Train Your Dragon

"It's always with this disappointed scowl, like someone skimmed the meat off his sandwich. Excuse me bar maid, I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered for an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side! This 'ere, this is a talkin fish bone!"
"Now, you're thinkin about it this all wrong. It's not so much what you LOOK like he can't stand, it's what's INSIDE."
". . . thank you, for summing that up."
-Hiccup and Gobber, How To Train Your Dragon

"Oh yeah, perfect. And when I'm busy, Hiccup can cover the stall. Molten steel, razor sharp blades, lots of time to himself. What could possibly go wrong?"
-Gobber, HTTYD

"Trolls exist! They steal your socks! But only the left ones. Huh, what's with that?"
-Gobber, HTTYD

"When I was a boy-"
"Oh here we go."
"-my father told me to bang my head against a rock. I did it. I thought it was crazy, but I did it. And you know what happened?"
"You got a headache."
-Stoick and Gobber, HTTYD (gee, talk about hard headed, right?)

"Hey, hands off my shield!"
"There's like a million shields!"
"Take that one, it has flowers on it. Girls like flowers."
*grabs shield and bangs his head* "Oops, now this one has blood on it."
-Ruffnut and Tuffnut, HTTYD

"Thunderdrum . . . . extremely danger, kill on sight . . . Timberjack . . . extremely dangerous, kill on sight . . . Scauldren . . . extremely dangerous, kill on sight . . . . Changewing . . . . kill on sight . . . Gronckle, Zippleback, the Scrill, Boneknapper, Whispering Death . . . launch it's victims, buries it's victims, chokes it's victims, turns it's victims inside out . . . extremely dangerous, extremely dangerous . . . . kill on sight, kill on sight, kill on sight . . . Night Fury. Speed, unknown. Size, unknown. The unholy offspring of lightning and death itself. Do not engage this dragon. Your only chance: hide, and pray it does not find you."
-Hiccup, HTTYD

"Duh duh duh, we're dead. . . . Whoa whoa whoa, and where do you think you're going?"
-Hiccup, HTTYD

"Toothless, down. Gently. *wings flap out* See? Nothing to be afraid of. *fast take off* Waah!! TOOTHLESS! What is wrong with you? Bad dragon! He's, uh, he's not usually like this. Oh no. *goes underwater* Toothless what are you doing, we need her to like us! . . And now he's spinning. Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile."
-Hiccup, HTTYD

"Oh, this is amazing! The wind in my- CHEAT SHEET!!"
-Hiccup, HTTYD

"Everything we know about you guys . . . is wrong."
-Hiccup, HTTYD

"It's a mess. You must feel horrible. You've lost everything, your father, your tribe, your best friend-"
"Thank you, for summing that up. Why couldn't I have killed that dragon when I found him in the woods? It would've been better for everyone."
"Yup. The rest of us would've done it. So why didn't you? . . . Why didn't you?"
"I don't know. I couldn't."
"That's not an answer."
"Why is this so important to you all of the sudden?"
"Because I wanna remember what you say, right now."
"Oh for the love of- I was a coward, I was weak. I wouldn't kill a dragon!"
"You said wouldn't that time."
"Ah, ge whatever! I wouldn't! Three hundred years, and I'm the first viking who wouldn't kill a dragon."
". . . first to ride on though. So . . .?"
"I wouldn't kill him because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him, and I saw myself."
". . . I bet he's really frightened now. What are you gonna do about it?"
"Ah, I dunno. Probably something stupid."
"Good, but you've already done that."
" . . . then something crazy."
"That's more like it."
-Astrid Hofferson and Hiccup, HTTYD

Tuffnut: "You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon."
Hiccup: "Uh, I-"
Tuffnut: "It's me."
Snotlout: "I love this plan."
Ruffnut: "You're crazy. I like that."
-HTTYD

"As soon as we break open this mountain, all Hel is gonna break loose."
"And my undies. Good thing I brought extras!"
-Stoick and Gobber, HTTYD

"Look at us! Look at us! We're on dragons, we're on dragons, all of us!" . . . .
"Everyone knows I'm more irritating! Blahaehdelkhaejhlkjoijy!"
-Tuffnut, HTTYD

"Every thread of stubborn, boneheaded viking you ever were."
-Gobber, HTTYD

"This is Berk. It snows nine months of the year, and hails the other three. Any food that grows here is tough, and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so. The only upsides, are the pets. Well other places have ponies or parrots. We have . . . . dragons. *Toothless screech*"
-Hiccup, HTTYD

Ruffnut: "Wait. You mean if we don't hear anything, we're dead?"
*silence*
Tuffnut: "I don't hear anything."
Phil the sheep: "BAAAA!"
Everyone: "AH!"
Gobber: "Ah haha, good one Phil!"
-Legend of the Boneknapper

"No worries, kids. I've been shipwrecked many times."
"Well that's, comforting."
-Gobber and Hiccup, Legend of the Boneknapper

"But then, from the depths of the ocean, lept forth a hammerhead whale! . . . . I ran up the side of a volcano and courageously leapt across the fiery crater! Then deep within the boiling e crater, lept out the giant hammerhead yak! . . . Then, captured, I did what any brave viking would do. 'HELP!!' The gods must of heard my prayers. It was Thor! He tossed a mighty thunderbolt. 'Oh, you missed!' 'Wait for it.' Then, from the center of the earth blasted out the hammerhead yak RIDING the hammerhead whale! 'Deploy the yak.'"
-Gobber, Legend of the Boneknapper

"Find a happy place, find a happy place . . ."
-Snotlout, Legend of the Boneknapper

Hiccup: "Gobber! Take of your pants!"
Gobber:"Eh?"
Everyone else: "NO!!!"
-Legend of the Boneknapper

Hiccup: . . . . "Give him back his bone!"
Gobber: "Nooooooo!"
Hiccup: "Give him back his bone!"
Gobber: "Nooooooooo!! Nooooooo- alright."
-Legend of the Boneknapper

pants fall down* Gobber: "Eh heh heh."
*everyone groans*
Hiccup: Oh, it's gonna give me nightmares.
-Legend of the Boneknapper

"Sweet mother of mutton, (hugs a box of meat) I've dreamed of it but I never thought I'd live to see it!"
"How is it that I have ghost powers and you're the weird kid?"
-Tucker Foley and Danny Phantom, 'Mystery Meat', Danny Phantom

Danny: "Aw, man! If only I had something I could take this out on!"
Box Ghost: (to a box full of paper) I am The Box Ghost! And once I empty you of your useless papers, your marvelous squareness shall be mine!
Danny: (transforms to ghost mode) Hello, misplaced aggression!
Tucker: You've got five minutes . . .
Danny: Which is four more than I need.
-'One of a Kind', Danny Phantom

"Dude, you are one seriously crazed up froot loop."
-Danny Fenton, 'Bitter Reunions', Danny Phantom

Danny: Sam, hide!
Sam: No time! (tackles Danny into the bushes)
Valerie: (arrives at where Danny was) No escaping me now, ghost boy! (sees Danny and Sam kissing)
Danny, Sam: Aaah!
Sam: Do you mind?!
Valerie: Ah, gross, loser love! I always knew you two geeks would end up together. (Valerie flies off)
Sam: That sounded like Valerie. (Looks at Danny, who's smiling like a lovesick idiot) Danny? Danny? You didn't think it was a real kiss, did you?
Danny: (Nervously) No! Why, did you?
(cuts to school)
Tucker: Wait . . . you guys kissed?
Danny, Sam: No! It was a fake-out make-out!!
Tucker: But that still has the words "make" and "out" in it, right?
-'Shades of Grey', Danny Phantom

"I don't get it. This Ember McLain comes out of nowhere, and suddenly she's the biggest thing since MP3s. It's so . . . so-
"Infuriating how mindless prepackaged corporate bubblegum is preventing true musical artists from being heard?"
"I was going to say weird, but uh, okay!"
-Danny Fenton and Sam Manson, 'Fanning the Flames', Danny Phantom

"You do realize she's an evil mind-controlling spirit from another dimension?"
"Yeah, but you said the same thing about Paulina."
"You know, he has a point."
-Sam, Tucker Foley, and Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames'

"Wow. I just never realized; you're really pretty when you're about to fall off a building." . . . .
"Danny, stop! Don't come any closer!"
"But . . . you're over there, and I'm over here. I wanna be over there!"
"Wait . . . I know that look. That's the same longing puppy dog look you give Paulina!"
"Who's Paulina? . . ."
"That's a pleasant side effect."
-Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames' (Sanny fans, eat your heart out!)

"Sam . . . Sam . . . . Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony . . and I can understand everything we're saying."
"Danny! Open up!"
"You want me to open up? Well, okay. One time, when I was five, I really wanted a puppy, but my parents-"
"Will you knock it off!?"
-Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames' (lovesick Danny . . . hilariously cute)

"You don't really feel that way about me, and I don't really feel that way about you!"
" . . . so why are you still holding my hands?"
-Sam and Danny Fenton, 'Fanning the Flames' (so lovesick Danny=confident and slightly smug Danny . . . interesante . . .)

"If I could just stop the crowd from chanting. Something horrible that will break the spell, like Sam kissing Dash. Or worse. (throws mic to Tucker) Tucker, sing! Take the mic and sing!"
"Wait, you want me to sing? But you said I stink!"
"Heh, I was just kidding! You rock! You rock out loud!"
"You got that right!"
-Danny Phantom and Tucker, 'Fanning the Flames'

"Now's the best time to say, "Gosh, Mr. Lancer, I never realized being a teacher was so difficult.""
"I'm fourteen. I don't really care."
-Mr. Lancer and Danny Fenton, 'Teacher of the Year'

"You are no match for me, for I am Technus! Master of-"
"Master of long winded introductions! Do you ever stop talking about yourself!?"
-Technus and Danny Phantom, 'Teacher of the Year'

"I don't know what's scarier; the underwear, or the fact that he carries them in his coat."
-Tucker, 'Fright Night/Knight'

(in Tucker's body) "Hi! I'm Tucker! Don't let the PDA and the glasses and lack of muscles fool you, I'm a stud." (comes out)
"I hate when you do that."
-Danny Phantom and Tucker, 'Maternal Instincts'

"Bye Vlad! And as a lonely single man in your 40s', might I suggest internet dating? Or a cat!"
-Danny Fenton, 'Maternal Instincts'

"Great. At midnight, I get my powers back, at 12:01, the belt zaps me, and at 12:02, Vlad tries to make out with my mom. Those are going to be the worst two minutes of my life."
-Danny, 'Maternal Instincts'

"Maddie! Daniel! You've returned to me! Ooh, and not a moment too soon."
"Danny, go somewhere else while the adults talk."
"Oh, sure, Mom. You and Vlad get cozy. If you need me, I'll be over there . . . barfing."
-Vlad Masters, Maddie Fenton (Danny's mom), and Danny Fenton, 'Maternal Instincts'

"But how do I get through the thick head of a 14 year old boy!? . . . oh darn it." (cuts to next scene where she's wearing make up and a ridiculously HIDEOUS girly outfit)
-Sam, 'Memory Blank'

"So, this is a photo I have of us from eighth grade. This is the same photo you have in your locker. Notice anything?"
"Yeah. You broke into my locker and doctored an old photo of me. You must really like me. . . . Or you're nuts. You're not nuts, are you?"
-Sam and Danny Fenton, 'Memory Blank'

"That might just be the coolest girl on the planet."
"Or she's nuts. Really, really nuts."
-Danny and Tucker, 'Memory Blank'

"Phew, what is that smell?"
"This? It's my new all-over body spray. I made it myself. I call it "Foley by Tucker Foley". It combines with your natural odor to create a sweet manly scent, that smells different to everyone who sniffs it."
"Tuck, you smell like a sweaty cookie."
-Danny Fenton and Tucker, 'Doctor's Disorders'

"Fenton, you're in here, too? (starts multiplying) Four. Six. Eight. Who do we appreciate? Us! Us! . . . Ahh! Run for our lives!"
"Are you kidding? I have been trying to do that trick for months, that is so wrong!"
-Kwan and Danny Fenton, 'Doctor's Disorders'

"You'd scream too if you were stuck in a sleepover with HER." (points to Paulina)
"Yeah, uh . . . I kinda doubt that."
-Sam and Danny Phantom, 'Doctor's Disorders'

"You're Penelope Spectra's assistant, Bertrand! (pauses . . . facepalms) Bert Rand, Bertrand, how did I miss that?"
-Danny Phantom, 'Doctor's Disorders'

(from outside the hospital) "Spooky hospital. Ghosts guarding the joint. Still, no sign that Danny's in any real danger yet."
(from inside the hospital) "Let me go!"
"Still, technically not a cry for help."
"HELP!!"
"Well, not a cry for me."
"TUCKER!!!"
"Ah, dang."
-Tucker and Danny, 'Doctor's Disorders'

(Spectra just turned into a snot monster)
"There's a "you blew it" pun somewhere, but, I'd rather not."
-Danny Phantom, 'Doctor's Disorders'

(snot monster Spectra is punched by Danny and Danny's arm gets covered in snot)
"You know, if my life wasn't at stake, I would hurl right now."
"Okay, that's it. Let's boogie!"
"See, that's the kinda pun I was avoiding with the whole "blew it" comment."
-Danny Phantom and Spectra, 'Doctor's Orders'

"Not getting invited to a party is one thing, but not getting invited to a party, AT MY OWN HOUSE!"
-Danny Fenton, 'Pirate Radio'

"Listen up, people. If you want your parents back, you're going to have to follow my lead."
"Why should we follow you, Fen-toad?"
"You're right, Dash. Let's follow the other kid who comes from a family of ghost hunters and knows how to work all their gear."
-Danny Fenton and Dash Baxter, 'Pirate Radio'

"Dash, you're with me on offense. We're gonna spring the adults from the pirate ship."
"So, I get to hit some people?"
"Oh, yeah! (Dash grabs Danny's shirt) Not me!"
(Lets go of Danny's shirt) "Sorry, old habits."
-Danny Fenton and Dash, 'Pirate Radio'

"Now if I were my dad, where would I put the secret control panel for the Op-Center? Someplace where I would see every time I come here." (you could practically hear the ding from his idea)
(opens the refrigerator and presses the button) "Yep, next to the ham!"
Computer: Defense system activated. Also, the ham has spoiled.
-Danny Fenton, 'Pirate Radio'

Maddie: And while the Ecto-Skeleton can enhance your natural ability 100 fold, using it could be fatal.
Jack: Which is exactly why I'll be using it. Because if the suit's killing anybody, it's gonna be me.
Maddie: (knocks out Jack) You're already weak from the first time you used the suit. I'll be going in.
Jazz: (knocks out Maddie) Forget it, Mom. Danny needs both of you. I'm doing this.
Sam's Dad: (knocks out Jazz) I'll do it!"
Sam's Mom: (knocks out Sam's Dad) I'll do it!
Some woman: (knocks out Sam's Mom) I'll do it!
(everyone continues knocking each other out)
Danny Phantom: I thought I was gonna have to blast everybody with the ghost ray, but . . this is much more efficient.
-'Reign of Terror'

"I call fun Danny!" (runs out with fun Danny)
"Say, you wear an awful lot of black for a superhero sidekick. Have you considered switching to bright primary colors!?"
"Tucker, wait up!"
-Tucker, "Superhero Danny Phantom", and Sam, 'Identity Crisis'

"Dueling doppelgangers, have you lost your half of our mind!?"
"Dude, I'm not the one wearing a bed sheet."
-"Super Danny" and "Fun Danny", 'Identity Crisis'

"Curse this infernal messy room. This looks like a job for . . . the vacuum cleaner!"
-Super Danny Fenton, 'Identity Crisis'

Super Danny Phantom: We have to stop him!
Fun Danny Phantom: Tried it! Didn't work. Back to bowling.
Tucker: It'll be fun?
Sam: You'll get to hit stuff?
Fun Danny Phantom: Sweet.
-'Identity Crisis"

"Danny, you okay? You look a little-"
"Crazy? Don't say crazy!"
"I was going to say, you look a little like you've been on a big spinning table. Why? Do you think you're crazy?"
-Danny Fenton and Sam, 'Fenton Menace'

Jazz: This toxic home environment is making him a nervous wreck! (Danny's eye twitches) He needs a normal family outing; one that has nothing to do with ghosts!
Danny: Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here? Ow! (To "invisible ghost") And will you stop poking me?!
Maddie: I don't know, Jazz, honey! Sure, Danny seems a little high-strung but I'm sure it's nothing we cant work out here.
Danny: (Youngblood pokes him again) Back off, punk! (Grabs an ecto-gun and starts shooting up the lab with it forcing Maddie, Jazz, and Jack to take cover behind some boxes)
Maddie: I'll pack the sleeping bags.
Jack: And I'll get the ghost hunting equipment! (Jazz and Maddie glare at Jack) And by ghost hunting equipment, I mean . . . uh the—the other sleeping bags!
-'Fenton Menace'

Jazz: Danny, I don't know why you're mad at me. I'm not the one who trashed the lab blasting imaginary ghosts.
Danny: It was one ghost! And a parrot . . .
Jazz: Was it a ghost and a parrot? Or a projection of your own fears . . . and a parrot.
-'Fenton Menace'

"You have now stooped to my level. Thank you for shopping at FentonMart."
-Danny Fenton, 'Fenton Menace'

"More importantly, what's with you?"
"I am Box Lunch! Daughter of the Box Ghost and the Lunch Lady!"
"Um, eww."
-Danny Phantom and Box Lunch, 'Ultimate Enemy'

Tucker: Danny, who was that ghost you were fighting?
Danny: That was Box Lunch, the daughter of The Box Ghost and The Lunch Lady.
Sam, Tucker: Yikes.
Danny: Actually, it's more of an "eww."
-'Ultimate Enemy'

"My voice is changing? Great, now I'm going through evil puberty. Everywhere I turn my stupid future is smacking me in the face! (gets hit in the head by the stupidly named boooo-merang) Ow!"
-Danny Phantom, 'Ultimate Enemy'

Danny: (opens door, not seen cause of the shadows [why doesn't that happen in real life, huh??])
Maddie: Ghost!
Jack: No, it's Santa!
Danny: (voice over) They're both sorta right.
-'The Fright Before Christmas'

"Jazz, take it easy. There's a rhythm to these things. Ghost attacks, we exchange witty banter, I kick ghost butt, then we all go home having learned a valuable lesson about honesty or . . . some such nonsense."
-Danny Fenton, 'Secret Weapons'

"That was good night's work, Danny. We caught three ghosts!"
"No. Actually, you caught one ghost, three times. All of them me!"
-Jazz and Danny Fenton, 'Secret Weapons'

"Danny, are you all right?"
"No, no. Here, let me save you the trouble." (Presses a button on the thermos, allowing himself to get sucked in)
-Jazz and Danny Phantom, 'Secret Weapons'

(in broom closet)
Tucker: You want us to say something to her?
Danny: I am perfectly capable of talking to my own sister.
Sam: Which is why you're hiding from her in a broom closet?
Danny: Am not.
Jazz: (outside door) Danny? You in there?
Danny: Hide me! (jumps into trash can)
-'Secret Weapons'

"Are you mad, child? Picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!?"
"You upgraded to a mullet?"
-Technus and Danny Phantom, 'Flirting With Disaster'

Sam: He's pushing Danny and Valerie together! (Tucker starts laughing) If you're done, we have to tell Danny.
Tucker: Haha, you wanna tell Danny that Technus is playing matchmaker? How do you think he'll react to that?
(cuts to Danny laughing his head off at school)
Sam: Are you done yet?
Danny: No. (continues laughing) Okay, now I'm done.
-'Flirting with Disaster'

Tucker Danny? Listen . . .
Danny Not now, Tucker, I'm busy writing in your voice! Would Tucker say it like that?
Tucker But . . .
Sam A little more nerd, and a little less suave.
-'King Tuck'

(in the past, sees college kids with 80s style)
Danny P: Destroy the past? And what, lose all this culture?
Random person: Totally awesome outfit dude! (thumbs up)
Danny: Oh great, I blend.
-'Masters of All Time'

"The one good thing of having scientist parents: alternate time-line—totally valid excuse."
-Danny Phantom, 'Masters of All Time' (I wish that'd be a valid excuse for me . . .)

"A prepubescent specter operating freely? Unacceptable!"
"Hey! I have totally hit puberty! (reaches in his shirt and pulls out a white hair) See that? Totally a chest hair."
-Guy in White and Danny Phantom, 'Double Cross My Heart' (Sanny fans, eat your heart out)

"I'm Danielle. Your third cousin once removed. I ran away from home. Hey, you got any food?"
-Dani Fenton (SHE'S AWESOME!!!), 'Kindred Spirit'

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: you really are one seriously crazed-up froot loop."
"A froot loop would not have been able to make his first million with a series of invisible burglaries! A frootloop would not have been able to overshadow enough millionaires to become the richest man on the planet! I. AM. NOT. A. FROOT LOOP!!!"
-Danny Fenton and Vlad Plasmius, 'Kindred Spirits'

(After Vlad reveals his plan to clone Danny) "Oh yeah, nothing loopy about that."
-Danny Fenton, 'Kindred Spirit'

Danny: What do you want, Skulker?
Skulker: My girlfriend says I'm a lousy hunter. But hanging your pelt on my wall would change her mind.
Danny: Wow.
Skulker: Frightened now?
Danny: No, I can't believe you have a girlfriend.
Skulker: Now that just plain hurts . . .
-'Girls' Night Out'

"How is this possible?"
"You become invisible, pass through solid objects, and emit beams of energy from your hands, and you ask 'How is this possible'?"
Danny Phantom and Frostbite, 'Urban Jungle'

Danny: Why are there so many of your people watching us?
Frostbite: Ha! It is not every moon that my people get an opportunity to see their leader train one as legendary as you, O Great One.
Danny: You mean they're hoping I'll mess up, huh?
Frostbite: Indeed. These people live in a frozen wasteland, they take their comedy where they can get it.
-'Urban Jungle'

"Behold! The Lunchbox of Fear!" (opens it, a "spooky thermos" comes out)
"Hey, bringing your own thermos to our battles now? You know, you could save us time by showing up already inside it."
-Box Ghost (funniest. Ghost. EVER) and Danny Fenton, 'Boxed Up Fury'

Danny, Tucker: (Start eating the sandwiches the Box Ghost threw at them)
Box Ghost: Wait . . . what are you doing?
Danny: Tasting our doom, and I have to tell ya, it's kinda dry.
Tucker: You wouldn't happen to have any spicy mustard of doom, would ya?
-'Boxed Up Fury'

"Plagues, pestilence, boy bands. Whoa, this is one evil box."
-Danny Phantom, 'Boxed Up Fury' (I agree . . . BOY BANDS??)

"That's all you do? Put people to sleep? You sure you're not a teacher?"
-Danny Phantom, 'Frightmare' (Sanny fans, have a parade!)

"I gotta get to Danny, fast. . . . Or slow, slow's good. . . . Or slower, even slower's better . . . "
-Dani Phantom, 'D-Stabilized'

"Hm, three loose photos of you and your underwear . . . Nine more, and you can have your own calender!"
-Tucker, 'Phantom Planet'

Jazz: Danny, what are you thinking?
Danny: Give me one good reason I should keep my powers.
Tucker: You're the target of hundreds of evil ghosts! Oh, wait that's bad. I'll get back to finding something that rhymes with "Phantom".
-'Phantom Planet'

"Man, you weight a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?"
"Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked.
-Max and Fang, the Angel Experiment, pg217-218

"Max?" Iggy knocked on the door. "Can I come in? I have to brush my teeth."
"No-- I'm in a towel." I called back.
"I'm blind." he said impatiently.
"No! You're kidding! Are you sure?"
-Max and Iggy, School's Out Forever, pg87

"I look like prep school Barbie." Nudge complained, as she entered the kitchen. She caught sight of me in my uniform and looked mollified. "Actually, you look like prep school Barbie, I'm just Barbie's friend."
-Nudge, School's out Forever, pg119

"There is one bright side to this," said Fang.
"Yeah? What's that? The new and improved Erasers would mutilate us before they killed us?"
He grinned at me so unexpectedly I forgot to flap for a second and dropped several feet. "You looove me," he crooned smugly. Holding his arms out wide, he added, "You love me this much."
My shriek of appalled rage could probably be heard in California, or maybe Hawaii.'
-Max and Fang, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg103

"Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?" ter Borcht snapped, which his assistant waited, pen in hand.
Gazzy thought. "I have X-ray vision," he said. He peered at ter Borcht's chest, then blinked and looked alarmed.
Ter Borcht was startled for a second, but then he frowned. "Don't write dat down," he told his assistant in irritation. The assistant froze in midsentence. "You. Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?"
Nudge chewed on a fingernail. "You mean, like, besides the WINGS?" She shook her shoulders gently, and her beautiful fawn-colored wings unfolded a bit.
His face flushed, and I felt like cheering. "Yes," he said stiffly. "Besides de vings."
"Hmm. Besides de vings." Nudge tapped one finger against her chin. "Um..." Her face brightened. "I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"
"Hardly a special talent," ter Borcht said witheringly.
Nudge was offended. "Yeah? Let's see YOU do it."
"I vill now eat nine Snickers bars," Gazzy said in a perfect, creepy imitation of ter Borcht's voice, "visout bahfing." "Does anysing on you vork properly?"
Iggy rubbed his forehead with one hand. "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony."
Ter Borcht tsked. "You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold on to someone's shirt, yes? Following dem closely?"
"Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert," Iggy said truthfully.
"Write that down." I told the assistant. "He's a notorious dessert stealer." "Vhy did you let a girl be de leader?" ter Borcht asked, a calculating look in his eyes.
"She's the tough one." Fang said.
Darn right, I thought proudly.
"Is dere anysing special about you?" ter Borcht asked. "Anysing vorth saving?"
Fang pretended to think, gazing up at the ceiling. "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.""I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!" Gazzy barked.'
-Nudge, Gazzy, Iggy, Max, Fang, and ter Borcht. (Whew, what a mouthful.) Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg137-139

"Iggy: "Now what? Who you gonna call?"
A quiet voice in the hallway outside: "Ghostbusters!"
(Captain Perry and John groan)
John: "That phrase is ruined forever,"
-Iggy, Captain Perry, and John, MAX: a maximum ride novel, pg274

"Go talk to it, you're like family!"
"I have no family, just call me an orphan."
"He has a point!"
"Chicken"
-Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur, Island of the Giant Pokémon'

"It's hard to imagine Brock married."
"You know, we'll be married someday too."
"Yeah . . . . HUH!?"
-Ash and Misty, 'The Heartache of Brock'

"Take it from me, it's a lot easier to like someone who likes you, than to like someone who doesn't."
"But how do you know?"
*blushes* "Huh? Well that's- what I've heard."
-Misty and Brock, 'The Heartache of Brock'

"Imagine that: James has a girlfriend."
"Mmm hmm . . . HUH!?"
-Jesse and Meowth, 'The Heartache of Brock'

"Well Ash, what do you think?"
"Well, right now I wish my mom had named me Bob instead of Ash"
-Tracey and Ash, 'Pokémon Movie 2000'

Misty: "They're not mature enough to admit it, but they really like each other."
Tracey: "You know what? It's exactly the same thing with you and Ash!"
Ash and Misty: ". . . YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!"
-Wherefore Art Thou, Pokemon?

"It was Foaly's idea to mechanize the whole procedure. He had the warlocks do their thing into lithium batteries, and then set up a network of receiver dishes around the designated area. Sounds simple? Well, it wasn't. But there were definite advantages. Batteries didn't try to show off to each other."
-Artemis Fowl

"Yes, we get it," said Artemis. "How long will it take to weave the spell?"
No1 chewed his lip for a moment. "About as long as it takes for you two to remove your clothing."
"Hurkk," said Artemis half-choking with surprise.
"D'Arvit,"swore Holly.
"I think we all know what D'Arvit means," said No1. "But hurkk is not English. Unless you meant hark, which I suppose could be relevant. Or perhaps you were speaking Dutch, and then hurk would translate as squat." No1 paused for a wink. "Which means squat to me."
Artemis leaned close to the demon's cornet-shaped ear. "Why do we need to take our clothes off?"
"That is a very good quesion," said Holly into the other ear.' . . .
. . . 'No1 noticed both Artemis's and Holly's awkward expressions and took pity on them.
"I suppose you can keep one thing, if you must. A small garment, but make sure it's your color, because you could be wearing it for a really long time.". . . .
. . . ."Nice underwear," snickered Foaly form the screen, momentarily forgetting the gravity of the situation.
Artemis was wearing a pair of red Armani boxer shorts, which were pretty much the same color as his face."
-Time Paradox

"Understood. Don't hang around, Arty. Get up, get down, and back to the car."
Arty?
Artemis was surprised Holly would call him that. It was his mother's pet name for him.
"Got it. Up, down, and back."
Arty?
-Time Paradox

Artemis thought it would be nice to stay here and talk like this, but one cage over his future was escaping with his past.
-Artemis Fowl and The Time Paradox, pg134

"Why don't we look for magic stones that grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, then you could search my naked body for a mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere."
-Orion, Atlantis Complex

"I really think we should search for my birthmark."
-Guess who (look up), Atlantis Complex

"If he asks you to look for birthmarks, say no immediately."
-Foaly, Atlantis Complex

"Smite it with what?" Foaly said. "You secret birthmark?"
-Atlantis Complex (in case you haven't noticed, I love the birthmark running gag)

'I am not in pain, thought Artemis. They must have given me something.
And then: I should lighten the mood.
"Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?
"D'Arvit," said Holly. "It's the knight in shining armor."
"Hmm," said Foaly. "That's how Atlantis goes. As it prgresses, you can never predict what will set it off. I thought the cocktail of drugs would bring back Artemis, but at least Orion will tell us what Artemis is up to." He leaned in closer. "Orion, you noble youth. Do you happen to know the password for Artemis's firewall?"
"Of course I do," said Artemis. "It's D-O-N-K-E-Y space B-O-Y."
Foaly was halfway through writing this down when the penny dropped.'
-Atlantis Complex

"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."
-Sirius Black (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"Excuse me? Excu- are you lookin to me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of the sudden, you're walkin out on me? I don't think so, not right now, you're getting your wishes, so SIDDOWN!!!!!!!"
-Genie, 'Aladdin'

Genie: "Rika racka ricka ricka rake! Stick a sword into that snake!"
Jafar as a snake: "You sssstay out of this!"
Genie: "*monotone* Jafar, Jafar, he's our man, if he can't do it, GREAT!!!"
-'Aladdin'

"Your son is awake."
"Before sunrise, he's your son."
-Sarabi and Mufasa (Simba's parents), 'The Lion King'

Simba: Hakuna Matata?
Pumbaa: Yeah! It's our motto!
Simba: What's a motto?
Timon: Nothing, what's a motto with you? AHAHAHAHAHA!!
-'The Lion King'

"You know her. She knows you. She wants to eat him. AND EVERYONE'S OKAY WITH THIS?? AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?"
-Timon, 'The Lion King'

Timon: This stinks.
Pumbaa: Oh. Sorry.
Timon: Not you, them! Him! Her! Alooone.
Pumbaa: What's wrong with that?
Timon: *in song* I can see what's happening.
Pumbaa: What?
Timon: And they don't have a clue!
Pumbaa: Who?
Timon: They'll fall in love, and here's the bottom line
Our trio's down to two!
Pumbaa: Oh.
Timon: Ze sweet caress of twilight
There's magic everywhere!
And with all this romantic atmosphere . . .
Disaster's in the air! . . . .
And if he falls in love tonight . . .
Pumbaa: *sniff*
Timon: It can be assumed . . .
Pumbaa: His carefree days with us are history . . .
Both: In short our pal is doomed . . . *very loud sobbing*
-'The Lion King'

Timon: So, what's your plan for getting past those guys?
Simba: Live bait.
Timon: Good idea. Hey!
Simba: Come on, Timon, you guys have to create a diversion!
Timon: Whaddyou want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula!?
*scene cut to Timon in a hula outfit (minus the coconuts) and Pumbaa on a platter*
Timon: LUAU! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat
Eat my buddy Pumbaa here because he is a treat
Come on down and dine
On this tasty swine
All you have to do is get in line!
Aaaare you achin'?
Pumbaa: Yup yup yup.
Timon: Foooor some bacon?
Pumbaa: Yup yup yup.
Timon: Heeee's a big pig
Pumbaa: Yup yup.
Timon: You could be a big pig too! Oi!
Both: AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
-The Lion King (L . . . M. . . . F. . . . A . . . O . . . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA0Zo00UjDs GENIUS!!!!)

"My son, on sentry duty! Timon, the sentry!"
"TIMON THE SENTRY?! Why don't you save the hyena the trouble and kill me now, JUST KILL ME NOW!!"
"You know, he has a point."
-Timon's mom, Uncle Max, and Timon, 'The Lion King 1 1/2'

Timon: AAHHHHH!!!
Pumbaa: AHHHHH!!!!!!
Both: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pause*
Pumbaa: You know, first impressions are everything.
Timon: Oh, I thought you were a scream.
*unpause*
Both: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Timon: Just eat me now! Please make it fast, I have a low threshold for pain!
Pumbaa: Easy little guy, I'm not gonna eat you!
Timon: You're not? THEN WHY WERE YOU STALKING ME????
-The Lion King 1 1/2

"And to protect me, a great big fat guy!"
*pause*
"You really think I look fat?"
"*sigh* Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa, you're a pig! It's a compliment!"
"Oh ho ho! Thank you!"
-Timon and Pumbaa, 'The Lion King 1 1/2'

Simba: What's the matter, pops? Had a little too much Hakuna Matata?
Timon: Sonny boy, I invented Hakuna Matata.
Simba: Oh yeah? Well, _I_ perfected it.
Timon: Sure you did, sure you did! Pumbaa, who holds the record for the world's longest bug belch?
Pumbaa: Uh, that would be Simba.
Timon: Alrighty then, who's the champion at slug swallowing?
Pumbaa: Simba again.
Timon: Cricket crunching?
Pumbaa: Simba.
Timon: Grub gulping?
Pumbaa: Simba.
Timon: Maggot munching?
Pumbaa: Simba.
Timon: Snail slurping??
Pumbaa: Uh . . . we never had a snail slurping contest before.
-The Lion King 1 1/2

Pumbaa: Are you talkin' to me?
Timon: Uh oh, they called him a pig-
Pumbaa: Are you talkin' to me?
Timon: Shouldn't have done that-
Pumbaa: ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME??
Timon: Now they're in for it!-
Pumbaa: THEY CALL ME . . . MR. PIG! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-'The Lion King 1 1/2'

"Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena, would you do me the honor of becoming . . . my bride?"
-Timon, 'The Lion King 1 1/2'

"Simba, who does she remind you of?"
"Huh? What? Who?"
"She's just like you when you were young."
"Exactly! Do you realize the dangers we put ourselves in?"
"You mean the dangers you put us in."
-Nala and Simba, 'The Lion King 2'

"That's not a king! That's a fuzzy maraca!"
-Timon, 'The Lion King 2'

"Don't worry Simba, we're on her like stink on a warthog!"
"Hey!"
"It's the hard truth Pumbaa, live with it."
-Timon and Pumbaa, 'The Lion King 2'

"Why are we doing this? What's the point of this 'training'?"
"Training? This is just for fun!"
". . . fun?"
-Kovu and Kiara, 'The Lion King 2'

"It's over, Simba! I have dreamed of nothing else, for years!"
"Boy, she needs a hobby."
-Zira and Timon, 'The Lion King 2'

"The Death Lords say you can work with that old windbag in the monkey suit."
"Lord 6-Dog?"
"Yes. And to make it more entertaining for their Lordships to watch, you can also take his nagging mother . . ."
"Lady Coco?"
"And that girl you like who's out of your league."
"Lola? How do you know she's-?" began Max, then he stopped himself. Secretly, he thought she was out of his league, too. He wasn't going to justify his love life (or lack of one) to the Death Lords.
The good news was that he'd get to see her and the monkeys very soon.
The bad news was that they were all doomed.
-The End of the World Club, pg53

'Tzelek stared at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief. Max and Lola stared at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief.
Ah Pukuh broke off from his tantrum to stare at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief.' -The End of the World Club, pg297

'He studied Lola's face. Did he detect a hint of jealousy?
No.
Sadly.
He didn't.
Not a trace.'
-The End of the World Club, pg302 (Poor, poor Max . . . lol . . . lotta people named Max . . .)

'"I'm not strange," said Lola.
At that moment the monkeys woke up and, instinctively, she called over to the car to reassure them, a rough raspy coughing sound she made through her cupped hands.
"No, not strange at all," said Max. "I bet lots of people arrive at this hotel with howler monkeys in two, wearing a bloodstained wedding dress and a necklet of mystical ancient stones."
Lola looked down at herself. "For once, you may have a point."
She ripped at her long skirt until she'd transformed it into a minidress. Then she struck a pose like a model on a catwalk. "What do you think?"
"Um . . . Wilma Flintstone meets Lady Gaga? Nice jewelry, though."'
-The End of the World Club, pg308-309

"Okay," said Lola, looking at something over Max's shoulder. "I'll go alone. But I hope the police get here before the hellhounds."
'"What do you-?" began Max, but before he could finish the question, he heard a familiar frenzied snarling.
"If I turn around now," he said, "will I see a pack of angry hellhounds thundering towards me, eyes crazed with bloodlust, fangs bared, foaming at the mouth and dripping acid saliva in anticipation of eating me?"
"Yes."
"So how do we launch this thing?"
-The End of the World Club, pg 328

'He remembered that people who came close to dying talked in magazines about walking to the light.
He realized that this was the end.
He looked toward Lola for one last farewell.
She winked at him.
Then, as if in slow motion, she reached into the bottom of the boat, picked up the octopus, and threw it straight at him.
Wait, not at him-at Tzelek.
HA!'
-The End of the World Club, pg 331

"That's the Dark Rift in the Milky Way. Otherwise known as the Road to Xibalba."
"Otherwise known as . . . we're sinking." . . .
"Monkey Girl?"
"Yes?"
"Do you remember what Ah Pukuh said about taking the road and entering the water?"
"Yes."
"And Lord 6-Dog said it meant I was going to die?"
"Yes."
"Well, we took the road, the pilgram road to Finisterre. And any minute now, I think we're going to enter the water."
-The End of the World Club, pg334

'"Do you think we're supposed to knock?" asked Max.
"I think they're expecting us, don't you?"
Max took a deep breath. "Into the mouth of hell it is, then-"
"Wait!" said Lola. She took down a torch and passed it to Max. "Hold this," she said. Then she picked up a boulder and hurled it with both hands over the bottom teeth and into the mouth.
The second the boulder hit the ground, a large earthenware pot came crashing down from the cave roof, spilling out its contents as it fell. Soon the boulder was completely buried under a hill of rotting entrails, maggots, blood, vomit, and yellow pus.
Lola clamped her hands over her face.
Max retched.
It was quite a welcome mat and it had been intended for their heads.'
-The End of the World Club, pg338

"You're not much fun, are you?" pouted the fake Lucky Jim, before morphing into Santino Garcia, the Spanish law student. "Do you like me better now?" he asked, combing his hair with his fingers. "How do you like my eh-sexy eh-Spanish accent?"
Hermanjilio clapped his hands appreciatively. "My turn! My turn!" he said, giggling girlishly as he morphed into Nasty Smith-Jones. "Hello, Max," he said flirtatiously, batting his eyelashes, "look at my big blue eyes. I'm so much prettier than Lola. Don't forget to call me when you get back to Boston."
Lola yawned. "Is that it?" she asked.
The fake Nasty Smith-Jones finished blowing kisses at Max, and nudged the fake Santino. The two of them burst into laughter as their flesh slowly rotted away to reveal the decomposed corpses of Demon of Jaundice and Scab Stripper.
"Kiss me, Maxie!" begged Scab Stripper, in Nasty's voice. His dangling, rotting lips were covered in oozing sores.'
-The End of the World Club, pg340 (this book is sick . . . very sick . . . and funny . . . )

"What's wrong with him?" Lola asked Lucky Jim.
He took a moment before answering, looking at Lola with such an intense expression that it was hard to tell if he was sad or happy. "You must be Ix Sak Lol. Hermanjilio talks about you sometimes. I'm sorry to tell you this, but when Tzelek took over his body, his mind was permanently damaged. He has never recovered. He just sits around all day whittling gourds. That one's his favorite."
"Go to sleep," cooed Hermanjilio to the gourd.
"He thinks it's his child," explained Lucky Jim. He calls it Lola."
-The End of the World Club, pg344 (don't worry, they're dang good actors . . . this is just funny when you learn they're alright . . . )

'Max nodded. "Lola was the most amazing girl I've ever met."
"A bit less of the was, if you don't mind, Hoop," said Lola.
She was sitting in an armchair in Uncle Ted's hallway, reading a book.
"What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you, of course."
"Are you a ghost? I mean, I'm just asking; that's fine if you are."
Lola stood up . . . [moving on . . .]
"I'll tell you everything. But first I need a hug. From all of you."
A quick embrace for Lucky Jim and a slow, sad waltz with Hermanjilio.
My turn, my turn," demanded Max impatiently.
-The End of the World Club, pg 354-355 (lmao, Max . . .)

"Ah, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I was most unfortunate in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one. Since then, I'm afraid I've lost my liking for them. But I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. *eats it*. Alas, earwax.

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Who told you about Fluffy?"
"Fluffy?"
"That thing has a name?"

-Hagrid, Ron, and Hermione, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do!"
"Who doesn't?!"

-Ron and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled."
"She needs to sort out her priorities!"

-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone

[about Fluffy]
"I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the..."
"Yes?"
"Shouldn't have said that. No more questions, don't ask anymore questions!"

-Hagrid and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

[about Fluffy]

"Just play a bit of music and he falls straight asleep... I shouldn't have told you that"

-Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

[in the Devil's Snare]
"Stop moving, both of you. This is Devil's Snare! You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!"
"Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!"

-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"You're a wizard, Harry!"
"I'm a what?"

-Hagrid and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Harry, no way! You heard what Madam Hooch said. Besides, you don't even know how to fly!"
[Harry ignores Hermione and he flies up]
"What. An. Idiot!"

-Hermione and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

[picks up Neville's Rememberall]

"Did you see his face? Maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass."

-Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows"

-Dumbledore and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Wingardium Leviosah!"
"Stop, stop, stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's LeviOsa, not LevioSAAAAH!!!"

-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Fun Fact For HPatSS: "The kids liked to get the makeup people to give them gashes,"Robbie Coltrane (who played Hagrid in 2001) told EW. "Daniel [Radcliffe] got one to give him a black eye, and he came in the morning and the other ones said, "Oh my God! What happened?!?!" It was hilarious.

"Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet."
-Moaning Myrtle, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"Now, Ha

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Of Evil Plot Bunnies and Hot Characters by BeginningTheREVOLUTION reviews
What do you get when you cross 7 authors experiencing writer's block and 15 clueless characters? CHAOS and a Fanfiction story! Never forget about the quest and adventure! READ LATEST CHAPTER: NOW BEING REWRITTEN IN THE REDUX.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22,392 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 4/3/2012 - Published: 2/12/2011 - Percy J. - Complete
InuYasha in 100 Words or Less by Kiba Wolf reviews
A summary of InuYasha, spoilers up to the end of the manga.
Inuyasha - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 337 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/3/2011 - Inuyasha, Kagome H. - Complete
Paul's Rematch reviews
Paul wants to have another go at beating Cynthia the Champion! Will he succeed? Read and find out!
Pokémon - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,219 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 7/15/2011 - Published: 5/11/2011 - Paul/Shinji, Cynthia/Shirona
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