Author has written 1 story for Pokémon.
WARNING: THIS. IS. A. TOTALLY. FREAKING. LONG. PROFILE!
You have been warned! :D *smile smile grin grin*
OMG I'M LAUGHING SO HARD! Advertisement from today:
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Aww, I found this online. NOT TELLIN YA WHERE! *mwa-ha-ha-ha-cough-cough-hack-wheeze*
Charmanders are red,
Squirtles are blue.
If you were a Pokemon, I would choose you.
Your smile is stronger then a Hyper Beam.
Like Jesse and James, we'd make the perfect team.
I'll stay by your side, like Pikachu and Ash.
And I'll love you more then a level 100 Rapidash.
You're more Legendary than Entei, Zapdos, or Mew.
But out of all the 649, I choose you!
Not YOU! *sniffs snootily* Ha, ha.
Name: Joelle. Not telling last name 'cause I don't want no stalkers. And if I find a stalker, I hit them on their head with my fav. PJO book, then yell at them because their thick skull left a dent in my book and I needed to return it to the library that Saturday.
Age: Turned 10 recently. Well...on Christmas...
Fav. Books/Series: PJO (If you don't know what that is...*faints dramatically*), Maximum Ride (TOTALLY), Harry Potter (sort of-ish), Warriors, Seekers, The 39 Clues,...I think that's it.
Fav. Movies: I LOVE the PJO series, but, seriously, the movie sucked. Compared to the book, that is. Well...Then there's The Harry Potter Movies...though they did leave some stuff out, and...nah, that's it.
Fav. Color: Aqua Blue, Turquoise, Sea-foam Green
I'm a half-blood. Deal with it.
Oh, BTW...just a note. If you people out there are wondering why I don't have any "Copy and paste this into your Profile" thingamaboberwhatchamacallitthingys, it's just that I don't really like them. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE!!!!!!!
Read if you are...bored, happy, sad, weird, cool, awesome, nerdy, tall, non-tall, medium tall...I DON'T CARE JUST READ!
Thank you (smiles graciously) Now, would you care for a nice cup of tea?
TOO BAD! Seriously, though...I don't have any tea.
So...Here goes, then! A-hem...
'Sup to all the peoples of the world who own, are using, and/or borrowing computers (or have stolen one)!
Welcome to my profile! If you don't care and wanna read my story(ies)...well...uh...then...keep looking...??? Or click that beautiful (sniffle) little "hide bio" button right there in the top right...
If you actually care (aw, thank you!), keep reading! Here are some factlets about moi:
I love music (shocker!). I love Nintendo, Wii, Computer Games (be surprised!) I love reading (whoa, no one EVER knew!)
I am a tomboy (meaning, I'm a girl).
Age: NOT TELLIN!
Where I live: . . . on Earth. Duh. Or maybe not. WHO KNOWS?!?!
I have like multiple personalities or something. Like sometimes I'm all weird and laughy, sometimes I'm all emotionless rock like Fang in Maximum Ride (or, how he used to be).
MY GUY/GIRL SIDE! (BTW, the bold phrases are the ones that describe moi...Wait...NO, NOT THIS SENTENCE! Or the one before, or...*sigh*...)
MY GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick.
. . . . no comment . . . . .
ANYWAYS, you'll learn more about me some other time (you know, maybe), but for now, please read the other random stuff that were hilarious/awesome enough for me to post on my other websites to make them look longer!
Okay . . . . PEACE! For most people, anyways...
(rah)² (ah)³ + ([roma (1+ma)] + (ga)² + (ooh)(la)² = bad romance. Do you get it? :D
THIS IS THE COPYRIGHT OF...uh...me...???
DO...NOT...COPY!!! I repeat...DO...NOT...COPY!!! AND...DO...you get the point...
Or do you? Actually, profiles are meant to be copied...so...yeah.
Wisdom of Life
According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.
Generally, generalizations are wrong.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
Whatever you are, be a good one.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
Belief gets in the way of learning.
If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.
We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.
If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.
Cynics are made, not born.
What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .
If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.
Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.
Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder (Just kidding).
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.
People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled "Bang", I don't think you'd kill too many people.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.
The 50-50-90 rule: any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.
Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Honey, I don't live to please you.
Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.
Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright. (Especially when the battery's low).
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?
Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver. Blood is red. And I am now DEAD!!!
Be insane- well behaved people never made history.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Sucks for me.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.
It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it?
Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .
I'm not random . . .
I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!
Rock beats paper. Always.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered each question!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend...except one.
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
ON ANOTHER NOTE. . . . .
Yep, I'm Asian, in case you people out there didn't know...
1. We do not comprehend the words “ching chong”.
2. What the heck does “ching chong” even mean?!
3. MOST Koreans DO NOT make nuclear bombs or eat dogs!
4. Just cause you see an Asian person it doesn’t mean they’re Chinese
5. We don’t always eat egg rolls and when we do, it’s NOT big news, okay?
6. Panda Express and China King are not considered “real” Chinese food.
7. Don’t ask us to speak our language, we will when we feel like it.
8. We don’t WANT to translate your name, so stop asking!
9. Don’t ask us to teach you curse words either.
10. Stop trying to pair up Asian guys and girls at your school and say they look cute together. Not all Asians belong together.
11. All Asian countries speak different languages.
12. Just because we’re Asian it doesn’t mean that we know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, etc. Even though I do.
13. Don’t say all Asian people look the same, that’s like saying all white people look the same, all African Americans look the same and all Hispanics look the same. When will you realize your stupidity? Never...
14. Surprise! Not all Asians are good at math!
15. Not all Asians are short.
16. Or skinny. (15 and 16 are an INSULT TO ME!!!)
17. By the way, it’s VietNAMese, not VietMANese.
18. What do you people stare at? Haven’t you seen an Asian person before?
19. Go ahead, make fun of us. We’ll just make fun of you in our own language.
20. Yeah we eat rice, so what? Got rice?
21. Don’t fold your hands and bow at us like you know what you’re doing cause honestly, you look like an idiot.
22. Don’t ask if the Chinese use cats in their food, if they did they would label it “cat lo mein” instead of beef lo mein. They don’t use cat if you didn’t already guess that by now.
23. People from India are Asians too.
Okay. Here's my basic equation of life. . .
No offense to Twilight fans whatsoever, this is just my opinion:
You say vampires, I say DEMIGODS
Percy. Jackson. PWNZ.
Percy Jackson Pledge:
I promise to remember Percy
Whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
Whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
For Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
Whenever I see a sign that says ''Free Pony Ride''
I promise to remember Tyson
Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
Whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
Whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
Whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
Whenever a limo passes my car.
I promise to remember The Stolls
when my home is beginning to unsettle.
I promise to remember Beakendorf
whenever I see someone working metal.
I promise to remember Silena
whenever a friend takes one for the team
I promise to remember Michael Yew
whenever I see a smile that gleams.
I promise to remember Briares
whenever I see someone playing hand games.
I promise to remember those lost in the Battle of the Labyrinth
whenever I see a cloth in flames.
I promise to remember those campers who fought against Kronos
whenever I see someone go against the odds.
WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS!
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D:
1. Ask For Directions To A Place You're Already At.
The 10 Commandments of a Teenager!
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( What other time do I have to work on my hair?).
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion, right? Or are you a secret dictator just trying to suggest it?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On a steak: Serving suggestion: Freeze (But wouldn't that hurt your teeth? Oh, right...it's a suggestion...)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (and it was supposed to contain...? Oh, I know! Cupcakes! Right? ... No? Awwww...)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On Jack Link's Premium Cuts of Beef Jerky: :Common Sense Warning: Do not eat packet." (Oh, dang, I REALLY wanted to taste that packet!)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm. . . . .something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . )
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
STUFF TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of pencils and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice (or any kind of juice) on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away or rain-check.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Star Wars" theme.
11. In the Beauty department, practice your "looks" using different sized mirrors
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here! SOMEBODY, HELP!!!"
15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake!
this is this cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on (or at least, smiling)
Life's Unanswered Questions:
Why does the sun lighten our hair and darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant?
If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?
If you try to fail, and then succeed, what've you really done?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
If your clone kills you, is that suicide?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you saw with a sawhorse, do you seesaw with a seahorse?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
How can something be 'new and improved'? If it's new, what was it improving on?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for his ID?
How can you be ALONE with somebody? Think about it...
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish-washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes he brought?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?
How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If it's called a boxing RING, then why are they square?
If knowledge is power and power corrupts, doesn't knowledge corrupt?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
I'm the type of girl that will hang on
YEP, THAT'S ME! *smile smile, grin grin*
I'm not much of a poet person kinda girl, but this is my ULTIMATE fave poem!
Disclaimer: MAX'S Poem, not mine. I wish. :P
By Maximum Ride
White is the color of little bunnies with pink noses.
FUN QUOTES FROM BOOKS, TV, MOVIES, WHATEVER!
'"Braccas meas vascimini!"
"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle. Forget about it."
"Annabeth . . ." I stammered. "How did you . . . how long have you . . ."
'I almost didn't recognize her. She was wearing a sleeveless silk dress like C.C.'s, only white. Her blond hair was newly washed and combed and braided with gold. Worst of all, she was wearing makeup, which I never thought Annabeth would be caught dead in. I mean she looked good. Really good. I probably would've been tongue-tied if I could've said anything except reet, reet, reet. But there was also something totally wrong about it. It just wasn't Annabeth.'
'Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig."
"Hubris? You mean that brown stuff you put on vegetables?"
'I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
'He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)'
'When she smiled at me, just for a moment she looked a little like Annabeth. Then like this television actress I used to have a crush on in fifth grade. Then . . . well, you get the idea.
Zoe:"Where is the dam snack bar?"
"Think positive. Tomorrow, you're off to camp! After orientation, you've got your date-"
'It was hard to concentrate on what she was saying, because everybody in the dining pavilion was stealing glances at us and whispering, and Annabeth was right next to me. I mean right next to me.'
"New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you right now if you don't BACK OFF! . . . CLASS DISMISSED!"
"Put your cap back on," I said. "Get out!"
'I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."'
"With great power . . . comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."
'Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition, right?"
"I'm so cool I wanna date myself, but I can't figure out how! You wanna date me instead?"
Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, ‘festus’ means ‘happy’? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"
"I can't summon any more gas!" Leo warned. Then his face turned red. "Wow, that came out wrong. I mean the burning kind. Gonna take the tool belt a while to recharge. What you got, man?"
"Can we just call them storm spirits?” Leo asked. “Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks."
Leo closed his hand and the fire went out. "Didn't want to look like a freak."
'I just love family meetings. Very cozy, with the Christmas garlands round the fireplace and a nice pot of tea and a detective from Scotland Yard ready to arrest you.'
"Oh no," I said panic rising in my chest. "No, no, no! Somebody get a can opener, I've got a god in my head!!"
"Now, now," Bast said. "It's not so bad."
"Hey, moose!” I screamed.
"Well," I said. "If you need me, I'll be outside, playing with sharp objects."
"Die, enemies of Ra!" Sekhemet yelled. "Perish in agony!"
'She blinked. "Hmm? Oh, don't care. What did Anubis look like to you?"
"I looked across the river to Manhattan. It was a great view. When Sadie and I had first arrived at Brooklyn House, Amos had told us that magicians tried to stay out of Manhattan. He said Manhattan had other problems- whatever that meant. And sometimes when I looked across the water, I could swear I was seeing things. Sadie laughed about it, but once I thought I was seeing a flying horse."
'"Go," Anubis said. "I'm sorry I can't do more. But happy birthday, Sadie."
'"Would you like a treat?" Apophis asked. "We used to play so nicely together. Every night, trying to kill each other. Don't you remember?"
"This is Berk. It's twelve days north of hopeless and a few degrees south of freezing to death. It is located solidly on the Meridian of Misery.
Hiccup: . . .
"Well, nice of you to join the party. I thought you'd been carried off."
"Aw come on, let me out! Please! I need to make my mark!"
"One day I'll get out there. Because killing a dragon is everything around here. A Nadder head is sure to get me at least noticed. Gronckles are tough, taking down one of those would definitely get me a girlfriend. A Zippleback? Exotic. Two heads, twice the status. . . . And then, there's the Monstrous Nightmare. Only the best vikings go after those. They have this nasty habit of setting themselves on fire. . . . But the ultimate prize is the dragon that no one has ever seen. We call it the- "Night Fury!" "Get down!"
"It's always with this disappointed scowl, like someone skimmed the meat off his sandwich. Excuse me bar maid, I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered for an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side! This 'ere, this is a talkin fish bone!"
"Oh yeah, perfect. And when I'm busy, Hiccup can cover the stall. Molten steel, razor sharp blades, lots of time to himself. What could possibly go wrong?"
"Trolls exist! They steal your socks! But only the left ones. Huh, what's with that?"
"When I was a boy-"
"Hey, hands off my shield!"
"Thunderdrum . . . . extremely danger, kill on sight . . . Timberjack . . . extremely dangerous, kill on sight . . . Scauldren . . . extremely dangerous, kill on sight . . . . Changewing . . . . kill on sight . . . Gronckle, Zippleback, the Scrill, Boneknapper, Whispering Death . . . launch it's victims, buries it's victims, chokes it's victims, turns it's victims inside out . . . extremely dangerous, extremely dangerous . . . . kill on sight, kill on sight, kill on sight . . . Night Fury. Speed, unknown. Size, unknown. The unholy offspring of lightning and death itself. Do not engage this dragon. Your only chance: hide, and pray it does not find you."
"Duh duh duh, we're dead. . . . Whoa whoa whoa, and where do you think you're going?"
"Toothless, down. Gently. *wings flap out* See? Nothing to be afraid of. *fast take off* Waah!! TOOTHLESS! What is wrong with you? Bad dragon! He's, uh, he's not usually like this. Oh no. *goes underwater* Toothless what are you doing, we need her to like us! . . And now he's spinning. Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile."
"Oh, this is amazing! The wind in my- CHEAT SHEET!!"
"Everything we know about you guys . . . is wrong."
"It's a mess. You must feel horrible. You've lost everything, your father, your tribe, your best friend-"
Tuffnut: "You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon."
"As soon as we break open this mountain, all Hel is gonna break loose."
"Look at us! Look at us! We're on dragons, we're on dragons, all of us!" . . . .
"Every thread of stubborn, boneheaded viking you ever were."
"This is Berk. It snows nine months of the year, and hails the other three. Any food that grows here is tough, and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so. The only upsides, are the pets. Well other places have ponies or parrots. We have . . . . dragons. *Toothless screech*"
Ruffnut: "Wait. You mean if we don't hear anything, we're dead?"
"No worries, kids. I've been shipwrecked many times."
"But then, from the depths of the ocean, lept forth a hammerhead whale! . . . . I ran up the side of a volcano and courageously leapt across the fiery crater! Then deep within the boiling e crater, lept out the giant hammerhead yak! . . . Then, captured, I did what any brave viking would do. 'HELP!!' The gods must of heard my prayers. It was Thor! He tossed a mighty thunderbolt. 'Oh, you missed!' 'Wait for it.' Then, from the center of the earth blasted out the hammerhead yak RIDING the hammerhead whale! 'Deploy the yak.'"
"Find a happy place, find a happy place . . ."
Hiccup: "Gobber! Take of your pants!"
Hiccup: . . . . "Give him back his bone!"
pants fall down* Gobber: "Eh heh heh."
"Sweet mother of mutton, (hugs a box of meat) I've dreamed of it but I never thought I'd live to see it!"
Danny: "Aw, man! If only I had something I could take this out on!"
"Dude, you are one seriously crazed up froot loop."
Danny: Sam, hide!
"I don't get it. This Ember McLain comes out of nowhere, and suddenly she's the biggest thing since MP3s. It's so . . . so-
"You do realize she's an evil mind-controlling spirit from another dimension?"
"Wow. I just never realized; you're really pretty when you're about to fall off a building." . . . .
"Sam . . . Sam . . . . Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony . . and I can understand everything we're saying."
"You don't really feel that way about me, and I don't really feel that way about you!"
"If I could just stop the crowd from chanting. Something horrible that will break the spell, like Sam kissing Dash. Or worse. (throws mic to Tucker) Tucker, sing! Take the mic and sing!"
"Now's the best time to say, "Gosh, Mr. Lancer, I never realized being a teacher was so difficult.""
"You are no match for me, for I am Technus! Master of-"
"I don't know what's scarier; the underwear, or the fact that he carries them in his coat."
(in Tucker's body) "Hi! I'm Tucker! Don't let the PDA and the glasses and lack of muscles fool you, I'm a stud." (comes out)
"Bye Vlad! And as a lonely single man in your 40s', might I suggest internet dating? Or a cat!"
"Great. At midnight, I get my powers back, at 12:01, the belt zaps me, and at 12:02, Vlad tries to make out with my mom. Those are going to be the worst two minutes of my life."
"Maddie! Daniel! You've returned to me! Ooh, and not a moment too soon."
"But how do I get through the thick head of a 14 year old boy!? . . . oh darn it." (cuts to next scene where she's wearing make up and a ridiculously HIDEOUS girly outfit)
"So, this is a photo I have of us from eighth grade. This is the same photo you have in your locker. Notice anything?"
"That might just be the coolest girl on the planet."
"Phew, what is that smell?"
"Fenton, you're in here, too? (starts multiplying) Four. Six. Eight. Who do we appreciate? Us! Us! . . . Ahh! Run for our lives!"
"You'd scream too if you were stuck in a sleepover with HER." (points to Paulina)
"You're Penelope Spectra's assistant, Bertrand! (pauses . . . facepalms) Bert Rand, Bertrand, how did I miss that?"
(from outside the hospital) "Spooky hospital. Ghosts guarding the joint. Still, no sign that Danny's in any real danger yet."
(Spectra just turned into a snot monster)
(snot monster Spectra is punched by Danny and Danny's arm gets covered in snot)
"Not getting invited to a party is one thing, but not getting invited to a party, AT MY OWN HOUSE!"
"Listen up, people. If you want your parents back, you're going to have to follow my lead."
"Dash, you're with me on offense. We're gonna spring the adults from the pirate ship."
"Now if I were my dad, where would I put the secret control panel for the Op-Center? Someplace where I would see every time I come here." (you could practically hear the ding from his idea)
Maddie: And while the Ecto-Skeleton can enhance your natural ability 100 fold, using it could be fatal.
"I call fun Danny!" (runs out with fun Danny)
"Dueling doppelgangers, have you lost your half of our mind!?"
"Curse this infernal messy room. This looks like a job for . . . the vacuum cleaner!"
Super Danny Phantom: We have to stop him!
"Danny, you okay? You look a little-"
Jazz: This toxic home environment is making him a nervous wreck! (Danny's eye twitches) He needs a normal family outing; one that has nothing to do with ghosts!
Jazz: Danny, I don't know why you're mad at me. I'm not the one who trashed the lab blasting imaginary ghosts.
"You have now stooped to my level. Thank you for shopping at FentonMart."
"More importantly, what's with you?"
Tucker: Danny, who was that ghost you were fighting?
"My voice is changing? Great, now I'm going through evil puberty. Everywhere I turn my stupid future is smacking me in the face! (gets hit in the head by the stupidly named boooo-merang) Ow!"
Danny: (opens door, not seen cause of the shadows [why doesn't that happen in real life, huh??])
"Jazz, take it easy. There's a rhythm to these things. Ghost attacks, we exchange witty banter, I kick ghost butt, then we all go home having learned a valuable lesson about honesty or . . . some such nonsense."
"That was good night's work, Danny. We caught three ghosts!"
"Danny, are you all right?"
(in broom closet)
"Are you mad, child? Picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!?"
Sam: He's pushing Danny and Valerie together! (Tucker starts laughing) If you're done, we have to tell Danny.
Tucker Danny? Listen . . .
(in the past, sees college kids with 80s style)
"The one good thing of having scientist parents: alternate time-line—totally valid excuse."
"A prepubescent specter operating freely? Unacceptable!"
"I'm Danielle. Your third cousin once removed. I ran away from home. Hey, you got any food?"
"I've said it before and I'll say it again: you really are one seriously crazed-up froot loop."
(After Vlad reveals his plan to clone Danny) "Oh yeah, nothing loopy about that."
Danny: What do you want, Skulker?
"How is this possible?"
Danny: Why are there so many of your people watching us?
"Behold! The Lunchbox of Fear!" (opens it, a "spooky thermos" comes out)
Danny, Tucker: (Start eating the sandwiches the Box Ghost threw at them)
"Plagues, pestilence, boy bands. Whoa, this is one evil box."
"That's all you do? Put people to sleep? You sure you're not a teacher?"
"I gotta get to Danny, fast. . . . Or slow, slow's good. . . . Or slower, even slower's better . . . "
"Hm, three loose photos of you and your underwear . . . Nine more, and you can have your own calender!"
Jazz: Danny, what are you thinking?
"Man, you weight a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?"
"Max?" Iggy knocked on the door. "Can I come in? I have to brush my teeth."
"I look like prep school Barbie." Nudge complained, as she entered the kitchen. She caught sight of me in my uniform and looked mollified. "Actually, you look like prep school Barbie, I'm just Barbie's friend."
"There is one bright side to this," said Fang.
"Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?" ter Borcht snapped, which his assistant waited, pen in hand.
"Iggy: "Now what? Who you gonna call?"
"Go talk to it, you're like family!"
"It's hard to imagine Brock married."
"Take it from me, it's a lot easier to like someone who likes you, than to like someone who doesn't."
"Imagine that: James has a girlfriend."
"Well Ash, what do you think?"
Misty: "They're not mature enough to admit it, but they really like each other."
"It was Foaly's idea to mechanize the whole procedure. He had the warlocks do their thing into lithium batteries, and then set up a network of receiver dishes around the designated area. Sounds simple? Well, it wasn't. But there were definite advantages. Batteries didn't try to show off to each other."
"Yes, we get it," said Artemis. "How long will it take to weave the spell?"
"Understood. Don't hang around, Arty. Get up, get down, and back to the car."
Artemis thought it would be nice to stay here and talk like this, but one cage over his future was escaping with his past.
"Why don't we look for magic stones that grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, then you could search my naked body for a mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere."
"I really think we should search for my birthmark."
"If he asks you to look for birthmarks, say no immediately."
"Smite it with what?" Foaly said. "You secret birthmark?"
'I am not in pain, thought Artemis. They must have given me something.
"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."
"Excuse me? Excu- are you lookin to me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of the sudden, you're walkin out on me? I don't think so, not right now, you're getting your wishes, so SIDDOWN!!!!!!!"
Genie: "Rika racka ricka ricka rake! Stick a sword into that snake!"
"Your son is awake."
Simba: Hakuna Matata?
"You know her. She knows you. She wants to eat him. AND EVERYONE'S OKAY WITH THIS?? AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?"
Timon: This stinks.
Timon: So, what's your plan for getting past those guys?
"My son, on sentry duty! Timon, the sentry!"
"And to protect me, a great big fat guy!"
Simba: What's the matter, pops? Had a little too much Hakuna Matata?
Pumbaa: Are you talkin' to me?
"Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena, would you do me the honor of becoming . . . my bride?"
"Simba, who does she remind you of?"
"That's not a king! That's a fuzzy maraca!"
"Don't worry Simba, we're on her like stink on a warthog!"
"Why are we doing this? What's the point of this 'training'?"
"It's over, Simba! I have dreamed of nothing else, for years!"
"The Death Lords say you can work with that old windbag in the monkey suit."
'Tzelek stared at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief. Max and Lola stared at Lord 6-Dog in disbelief.
'He studied Lola's face. Did he detect a hint of jealousy?
'"I'm not strange," said Lola.
"Okay," said Lola, looking at something over Max's shoulder. "I'll go alone. But I hope the police get here before the hellhounds."
'He remembered that people who came close to dying talked in magazines about walking to the light.
"That's the Dark Rift in the Milky Way. Otherwise known as the Road to Xibalba."
'"Do you think we're supposed to knock?" asked Max.
"You're not much fun, are you?" pouted the fake Lucky Jim, before morphing into Santino Garcia, the Spanish law student. "Do you like me better now?" he asked, combing his hair with his fingers. "How do you like my eh-sexy eh-Spanish accent?"
"What's wrong with him?" Lola asked Lucky Jim.
'Max nodded. "Lola was the most amazing girl I've ever met."
"Ah, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I was most unfortunate in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one. Since then, I'm afraid I've lost my liking for them. But I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. *eats it*. Alas, earwax.
-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Who told you about Fluffy?"
-Hagrid, Ron, and Hermione, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do!"
-Ron and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled."
-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
-Hagrid and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Just play a bit of music and he falls straight asleep... I shouldn't have told you that"
-Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
[in the Devil's Snare]
-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"You're a wizard, Harry!"
-Hagrid and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Harry, no way! You heard what Madam Hooch said. Besides, you don't even know how to fly!"
-Hermione and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
[picks up Neville's Rememberall]
"Did you see his face? Maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass."
-Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows"
-Dumbledore and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Fun Fact For HPatSS: "The kids liked to get the makeup people to give them gashes,"Robbie Coltrane (who played Hagrid in 2001) told EW. "Daniel [Radcliffe] got one to give him a black eye, and he came in the morning and the other ones said, "Oh my God! What happened?!?!" It was hilarious.
"Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet."