nudge-wanna-be
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Poll: What's your favorite movie name of Maximum Ride? Vote Now!
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Joined 12-08-10, id: 2648498, Profile Updated: 12-26-10
Author has written 4 stories for Maximum Ride.

Age:13

Name:something starting with an L.

Nickname: Bee, it, Arty(I know, what?)

Occupation:Typing

I feel honored to serve such a lord who loves us...

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ is his Son, then copy and paste this in your profile, If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! if you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

96 percent of teens won't stand up for Christ. If you are one of the 4 percent that will, copy and paste this in your profile

Don't click on the link under, it brings you back here!!!!

If project Aero makes you completely mad and had caused you to unwillfully delete stories, copy and paste this to your profile, and add your name here: Visa-goth66, I-live-in-a-chocolate-fountain, Nudge-wanna-be,

Here are some links:

Taking over Fangs Blog, chapter 13, Angels Prank part 1:http://rlv.zcache.com/ballet_rottweiler_black_rust_keychain-p146750587428889201qjfk_400.jpg

Taking Over Fang's Blog chapter 14, Angel's Prank part 2:http://www.costumedogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/09-25c-20062.jpg

Join me in my race to defeat the Pillsberry doughboy!!!

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom,rainbowstrike, iKate, fangalicous08, nudg-wanna-be

ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On road sign: "CAUTION!! May slip when road is wet!!"(Na...REALLY!!!!)

INSIDE!!! a protective bag: "Don't climb inside this bag and zip it up doing so will cause injury and death" (no qoute necassary)

On a curling iron: "For external use only!!" (Hey Bill what you eatin? Aw just balloni. What bout you? A curling iron.)

If you've had a person who you've loved like a sibling, but you were torn apart by circumstances, you're not alone. Copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to this list: SeekDreamsAndFindHope, Fangalicous08, Nudge-wanna-be,

SIGN MY PETITION!!: (As seen on Max's Blog. Yes, that's St. Fang of Boredom's.)

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/axtoksrp/petition.html

STOP KRISTEN STEWART AND ROBERT PATTINSON FROM PLAYING MAX AND FANG IN THE MOVIE!!

Spread the word!

I'M AN ADDICTED READER FOR...

Rainy Day Games with The Flock by Fangalicous08

Will Fang ever get the disc away from Max? Will Stacey stop treating them like 2 year olds? Will the Pillsbury Dough Boy ever get poked? Read it and find out! It's hilarious!

You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When...

1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
2. You see someone in a white lab coat then run off screaming.
3. You've called one of your siblings/friends/family members Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, or Angel.
4. You refuse to talk to anyone who's named Ari.
5. You claim you have wings.
6. You drool when you hear the word 'Fang'.
7. You daydream about meeting the flock.
8. You've reread Maximum Ride about 3 times or more.
9. You look for the flock's theme songs and get excited when you find one that fits perfect.
10. You study about birds.
11. You hate science class/refuse to dissect any type of animal.
12. You have a crush on Iggy or Fang or both.
13. You read Fang's blog daily. Even though you know it's JP talking.
14. You're waiting for your 'Nick Ride'.
15. You are counting down the days for the next book. (Which is coming out February 14, 2011)
16. You will go to the first opening for the movie, even if it's at midnight.
17. You look in the mirror cautiously to make sure your reflection is not an Eraser.
18. You hate dog crates.
19. You think scientists are evil.
20. You argue with people if Max is a girl's name or a guy's.
21. When your spending the night at a friend's, you say you'll take first watch.
22. You've found a new respect for blind people.
23. You think MR is the best series ever and you want to meet James Patterson, author.
24. You say 'U and A' a lot.
25. You think you have a Voice like Max.
26. You've gotten your Online Friends hooked on it.
27. You use sarcastic remarks from MR.
28. You know what 'Fax' is.
29. You were one of the characters from MR for Halloween.
30. You claim to have brain attacks.
31. You protect your thoughts. Angel might be reading them.
32. You give a crazy look to people who don't know what MR is.
33. You daydream of flying.
34. You love chocolate chip cookies.
35. You seriously felt like you were in the book.
36. If you want to become a writer because of MR
37. If they make a poster, shirt, key-chain, button, anything MR you will buy it.
38. If you love Fan-fiction.
39. In school, it's hard to concentrate because you're thinking of Maximum Ride.
40. You want a talking dog.

For all of you who are in 6th grade, live in weddington, north carolina, in the united states, and go to weddington middle school, do me a favor: Hate Andrew Branca.

If there has ever been someone who has promised you something that you now know that you could never get from him/her, copy and past this to your profile, add who to hate, and we will all hate them together.

92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overjealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Iggy by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good.

95% Of teens Would be on edge if Robert Patterson were on the ledge of a tall building ready to jump, if you are 1of the 5% who would yell "JUMP!!JUMP!!JUMP!!" while holding a camera, Copy and paste this onto your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term.

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser.

Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.

Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.

Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.

Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least).

Crazy is when you act completly well crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care.

Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being(every cell in your body) to Twilight, Maximum Ride, and fanfiction.

Crazy is when you go into build-a-bear workshop and walk up to little kids saying "That's my favorite bear" in a creepy voice and then run like heck when their soccer-moms glare at you.

Crazy is when you get jacked up on sugar on your school fieldtrip to bush gardens, laugh for two hours striaght WHILE riding rollercaosters, then still laugh after you get slapped by your freinds, and they pour a cold water on you, and you just stop suddenly, and when they asked why you laughed you say " I felt like it."

Crazy is when you get sugar high and jump on your trampoline yelling "Japeth" because the name intrigues you, while your rellies are there.

Crazy is when you laugh so hard that Fanta comes out your nose and then you scream "THE PAIN! THE PAIN OF IT ALL!"

Hugged your Christmas tree while humming 'Carol of the Bells'.

Walked for an hour in the snow, slipping and picking up snow at random places, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a sweater with and pajama pants, went home, sat down and ate ice cream.

In the middles of PE, looked up from doing stretches and yelled PASTA! twice in a row.

Crazy is when you call rocks glitter and code french.

If you're crazy copy and past this to your profile and add something crazy you've done too.

If you have pulled a Max: You have made a snap decision and decided to do it without thinking it through first.

If you have pulled a Fang: You have sneaked up behind someone without them noticing, making it seem like you came out of nowhere

If you have pulled a Iggy: You have run into an inaminate object without realizing it was there. This could include, poles, wall, doors, tables, etc.

If you have pulled a Nudge: You have talked about something nonstop for the past five minutes, not allowing anyone else to speak. This is also known as rambling.

If you have pulled a Gazzy: You have farted in a big group of people really loudly, and everyone could hear it and smell it.

If you have pulled a Angel: You have invaded someone elses personal space, without any consideration for that person. You can also pull a Angel by gaining a whole lot of useless powers that you don't really need...but I highly recomend the first one.

I have done all of these, ecxept Gazzy.

15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream... "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting, "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS:

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

FUN STUFF TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR:

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag

peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

WEIRD STUFF THAT MAKES YOU THINK...

The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

Show me a girl with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show some one who can't put her pants on

I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.

Backstabbing is fun... the look on your face is priceless

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

I snap crackle and pop rice krispies.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

Workin' hard or hardly workin'?

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly

I say we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it.

I believe that dragons unicorns and sporks do exsist.

The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.

Behold the mighty...chihuahua?

When you look at the sky do you see a cloud or a dinosaur in a tutu?

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

Snot is brain juice leaking out of your nose.

If you're really my friend, I'll probably make jabs at you. It's all in good fun. But don't confuse jabs with insults. Insults involve actual dislike.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." (TOO FREAKING TRUE!)

"He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it."

"Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought"

"Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way." (Lol...)

Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood.

Did you know that they have Bill Nye the Science Guy under T.V. shows and that ten people have written stories for it?

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

I'm an optimistic pessimist.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Your multiple personalities are freaking out my imaginary friend!

It takes 48 muslces to frown but only 14 to flip some one off.

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive

I'm the kinda girl who always falls for the sidekick, always.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Who ever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.

(Like you don’t gasp every time you see a silver Volvo.)

I wish my lawn was emo... then it could cut itself.

Strangers have the best candy.

You stare because I’m different...(0.0) ('.') ('.') ('.')I stare because you're all the same.

Free hugs.

Your epidermus is showing!

I do what ever my rice Krispes tell me to.

You dropped your pocket.

I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.

Its all gouda.

I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his 'time of the month'.

My imaginary friends are jealous of my voices.

When Edward goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Harry Potter.

You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a bridge. I laugh.

I'm not fat. I'm just short for my weight.

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

Your chances of being struck by lightning go up if you stand on a hill beneath a tree raise your fist to the sky and shout, 'Storms Suck!'

'We're gonna kick Luke and Titian ass.' 'What? Luke has a tight ass?'

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history

Can I borrow your pen? I need to stab you in the eye.

Your year book picture still haunts me.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast ceral.

Don't you look at me with that tone of voice.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Shakespear must have had a lot of one-night-stands because anyone who can make suicide romantic had to be a smooth talker.

Love can be soo boring

Many a grandchild was spoiled because you simply cannot spank Grandpa.

Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Ahh pure love (smiles wistfully) It makes me sick.

You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?

Fanfictions aren't everything... but they're right up there with oxygen.

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

You say crazy like it's a bad thing...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

They laugh because we're losers...We laugh because they just figured it out.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

(said during baseball game) Anything going that fast should have seatbelts and a flight attendant

Stop with your premeditated spontaneity.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit.

If it wasnt for physics and law inforcement I'd be unstoppable.

How come we drive on a parkway and park on a drive way?

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

A computer password is like a toothbrush: Change it every six months and don't share with anyone else

On the down side I now am registered for things I don't want to be and I find my self paying for things I didn't buy and the up side I won Aol's most creative password

I trippped over a wireless phone

Remember students, all Voldemort really needs is a hug.

They say ignorance is bliss; I would rather be blissfully ignorant then know THAT.

Never say 'things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge

The world is big enough for Werewolves AND Wizards.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

Why are the Force and duct tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

People say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I'm easily distrac- Look, shiny!!

Emily is not the wolf girl. I am.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I'm a big fan of letting my imagination run wild. There's always a chance it won't come back, but it always has, and usually with an odd scent attached to it.

If you're looking for sympathy, it's right between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary.

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

Aww heck no, I didn't kill him.

Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong.

Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

In an average room there are about, 120,496 objects a Ravenclaw can use to kill you. Including the room itself.

I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen.

Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me

I wanted to be a warrior like you, not a damsel in this dress.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

If you cry, I cry. If you laugh, I laugh. If you fight, I got your back. If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall. If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!"

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your oppinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. (Too. Freaking. True.)

I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs

Music is my boyfriend.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions.

I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over.

Fanfiction...Beacuse it's cheaper then therapy.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Ohh look its a bird, it's a plane, it's... an egg salad sandwich

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door. (Or nailing jelly to the wall)

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun.

Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. (Soooo true)

Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train. (No. The light at the end of the tunnel is a reminder of why the hell you're in a tunnel)

If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk!

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity?... I think I lost it.

Do not attempt to follow my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls. (...Yeah, taht pretty much describes me.)

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

You can't spell awesome without ME!

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

'If you are first you are first. If you are second you are not in first.' (Really? I didn't know that.)

I was normal before I met you!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.(Why do all the good jokes have to be so funny, yet so wrong?)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I say, when life gives you lemons, make apple juice and laugh at the looks people give you.

'I'm not moving backwards, I'm just moving forwards in another direction.' (Haha. That's technically true.)

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my roof!

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Wrinkles merely show where smiles have been.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

If I went to Hogwarts, and got sent to Dumbledore's office, I would so skip down the hallway and sing, 'I'm off to see the wizard...' LOL!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

"Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."

"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.

Every time you open your mouth, you get in trouble. Alternatively, just stick up your middle finger under the table.

There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.

Nine of the ten Voices in my head think I'm sane. The tenth is undecided.

Growing older is manditory. Growing up is optional.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had.

Yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet.

"We may not make good decisions But hell, we make good stories."

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

"Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs. "

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.""

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your profile and help stop racism (I might be white, but I love this. It's awesome.)

If you think disclaimers are the most annoying thing ever copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile. (That depends. How much do you guys like chocolate?)

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. (Don't you hate that?)

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a song in your head but can’t remember what it was called copy and paste this to your profile. (...I hate that too...)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. (Read through the whole night once. I was completely drained the next day. I finished the book though.)

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. (Both. I think I'm more though. It's a close call.)

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have a teacher who doesn't know what the heck there doing and you hate them because they annoy you pastes this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Geez...I hope not. That would suck.)

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when Gazzy said "'I villa now destroy de Snickers bars!' then copy this to your profile! (Good times...good times.)

If your friend(s) think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don’t care copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you think Max and Fang should confess their love for each other, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile. (Guess what's next...)

If you have ever tripped up the stairs copy this into your profile. (Heck yes! I'm just that awesome.)

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. (Like, ten times at this point. Maybe more.)

If you have ever burnt precooked food, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.

If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile. (That hurt.)

65 percent of teenagers would rather watch TV than read. If you are one of the 35 percent who would have their nose in a book, copy/paste this to your profile.

If you have ever yelled at and/or slapped an inanimate object from anger, paste this on your profile. (That's what a pillow's for.)

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile.

If you have any secrets, paste this on your profile.

If you are a girl, paste this on your profile.

If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile. (Nope, I'm just physic. Sarcasm, people. You've got to love it.)

If you have/ wish you had a dog, and wish he could talk like Total, copy this onto your profile.

If you’ve ever been yelled by your parents for reading too much, copy and paste this into your profile. (My dad found me reading at two in the morning. He got ticked.)

If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination or something to that effect, copy and paste this into your profile. (Muahahaha!)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy pastes this to your profile if you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the TV.

If you’re a CHOC AHOLIC -TALK AHOLIC -OR A-SHOP AHOLIC then copy and paste this!

If you’ve ever wanted to go into a book and slap/ scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh re-reading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile. (Like my dad says, nobody is normal. Normal is just a perspective.)

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you could, copy this into your profile. (I stayed up two days in a row when I was a kid. Beat that. And yes, that is over 40 hours. That morning, that night, the next morning, the next night, and the next next morning.)

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted a random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these, copy and paste it to your profile.

If you are in the 'Haters of ter Borscht' club, copy and paste this to your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the world should have no violence, but probably will always have it, copy this into your profile.

If you believe that 42 percent of statistics are made up on the spot, C&P.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and pastes this to your profile.

90 of teens today would die if MySpace had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile. (Don't ask.)

If you go through profiles like mad, looking at all of the copy/pasty-thingies, and copy/paste every single one that has a remote chance of being interesting, fill up your profile to the limit, and continue doing it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love copy and paste its, even though there useless, copy this in your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

if you are procrastinating doing work that you really should be doing right now, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you are in lama land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If you forgot your phone number when someone asks for it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a mind that you're sure no one will understand, copy this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you've ever been in an awkward situation before paste this.

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell and hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile

Put this in your profile if you know a person or two who needs to get squished by a bus... or Tyler Crowley's van

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the A morphs version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family act. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favourite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, copy this into your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a weird habit of writing inside jokes somewhere anyone can see, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile

If you could easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freaking' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you agree, that purple bunnies that are high on CATNIP and eat TACOS WILL rule the world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever screamed at a book or the TV copy this!

If you are Homo sapiens, put this in your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when the ice cream truck comes down your street copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever done the evil laugh copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever started singing in a silent room copy this onto your profile.

If you think my long list of reasons you should copy and paste this onto your profile should stop, copy and paste this onto you profile.

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!

if two wrongs don't make a right, try three

borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!

there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't. (Heheh...that's funny.)

if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'

whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

how is it possible to have a civil war?

if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back?

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put 'this side up' face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

If you're sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why are Pringles curved?

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number? (intresting...)

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do
you call a girl that is named after her mother?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? (lol, Captain Terror...Gazzy...)

If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?

Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?

Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?

What did Noah do with the wood peckers on the arc?

PHOBIAS!!

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity. (It's too late for that.)

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books. (I totally don't have this one.)

Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. (I would ask if everything would be black and white, but those are colors too...0.o)

Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.

Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.

Ergophobia- Fear of work. (...Yeah, that sounds about right.)

Gerontophobia- Fear of old people.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (...Whoever came up with that name is an evil genius. They are so totally my new hero!)

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. (These people have very depressing lives...)

Nomatophobia- Fear of names. (...So, how do you talk to them? "Hey...person! Come here!" Yeah, that'll work in a crowded room.)

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything. (...no comment...)

How to improve at work: (Yeah, I love this one too.)

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100.

How about achieving 103? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100?

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you...

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118

Think about it...and have a nice day at work.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

In a dog-eat-dog world the best thing to do is become a cat. WAY ahead of the game on that one. _

If the good die young then the bad die old; thus leaving us with only politicans left.

Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionsals built the Titanic.

AAAAA-American Association Against Acronym Abuse

Advice is cheap!...supply always exceeds demand.

Any minute now I'll jump in with pointless observations.

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

Are you a bad side effect of my medication?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

As a matter of fact, I did sleep in these clothes.

At my age, getting lucky is finding my car in the parking lot.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. (No offense to any atheists out there.)

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. (Too true...too ture.)

Better to get forgiveness than permission. (That's one of my mottos!)

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:
-A billion seconds ago it was 1960.
-A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive
-A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
-A billion dollars only lasts 5 hours and 20 minutes at the rate Washington spends it. (Heheh...that's funny.)

Children is the gift God gives you, then he steps back and laughs.

Danger: Men thinking.

Dear Lord, so far I am doing all right. Today, I have NOT gossiped, yelled, been greedy, selfish, or self indulgent. I have NOT whined, complained, moaned, or binged on chocolate or junk food. I have charged nothing on my credit cards. I am going to get out of bed now Lord, and I will need your help to get through the rest of the day!

Don't interrupt me while I'm talking to myself.

Don't let your mind wander...it's too small to be out on it's own. (That should be a Happy Bunny T-shirt.)

Smile...tomorrow's just going to be worse.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

Conscience is what hurts when everyhting else feels so good.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

It's easiler to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator. Never got around to it.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. (Is it sad that it took me a minute to get that?)

I am having an out of money experience.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

A day without sunshie is like night.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. (For those of you that don't know, kleptomania is the irresistable urge to steal trivial things, like pens, paperclips, tape, etc.)

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

I'm not young enough to know everything.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beauticain.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Easily distracted by shiny objects. (That's so me!)

Thearpy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Fred Astaire was great, but Ginger Rogers did everything he did, backwards, and in high heels.

Suburbia: where they tear down trees & then name streets after them. (I like that one. Even non-treehuggers have to admit it's funny.)

Everyone has photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

If you sued me, you'd owe me money.

Gone CRAZY! Be back soon.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personaility.

Happiness is...having a large, loving, close knit family, in another state!

Sometimes, I need something only you can provide: your absence.

I had some words with my wife - she had some paragraphs with me! (That's for all you guys out there.)

I feel so miserable without you, it's like having you here.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere!

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

I haven't been quite right since they took my blankie away.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two men are called a law firm, and that three or more are called a congress.

Marriage is the cheif cause of divorce.

I hate those construction barrels; they keep getting stuck under my car.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

I'd love to help you out! Which way did you come in?

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I'll try to be nicer...if you try to be smarter.

I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtains were up.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I'm not driving badly...I'm just mult-tasking.

I'm so far behind, I won't be able to die for another 100 years.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Reader, suppose you are an idiot. And suppose you are a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

I've got more issues than a magazine.

I've stopped listening...why haven't you stopped talking.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

If common sense is common, why is there so little of it?

If I can't fix it...it must NOT be broken.

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research!

If you are taking a road trip remember - It's not the destination but the journey with screaming kids in the back that will drive you crazy.

Insanity is inherited - you get it from your children.

Let's hope intelligent life exhists in space. I'm so lonely here.

Just be happy I'm not a twin!

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Never go to bed mad. Stay awake to plot your revenge!

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so that he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Someday my ship will come. I'm sure I'll be waiting at the airport.

Some see the glass as half empty. Some see the glass as half full. I just want to know who is drinking my drink!

Too much month is at the end of the money.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of.

You shouldn't compare yourself to others...they're more screwed up than you think.

If youre one of those people who get excited when you get 2 reveiws copy and paste this into your profile!

Fang: 2 avian 98 human 100 hott!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, Katie-3llen,Angelz on Edge, CloudyWind732984, Nudge-Wanna-be,

If you think that MAXIMUM RIDE is the best book known to man...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name wrong...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, "You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend picks up your papers in the hallways at school when you drop them. A best friend stands there and laughs while you scramble to pick them up.

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run bitch, run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days and then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad... here's a tissue."

A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'm home!"

A good friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.

A good friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

A good friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.

A good friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.

A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.

If you agree that Fang is Fangalicious, copy this into your profile. (He is hot... but Iggy is way hotter!)

If your view on Maximum Ride is that there are much worse things you could be addicted to, copy and paste this into your profile..

If you agree that life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one, copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've ever run into an inanimate object and then blamed it for it, copy and paste this in your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy this into your profile

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (yay!)

If you are anti-social sometimes, copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. (MUAHAHAHA!!)

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you love the whole blind, pyro, mutant, chef thing about Iggy, post this in your profile. (IGGY IS WAYYY BETTER THAN FANG!!!)

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD AND JESUS CHRIST IS HIS SON

THEN COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

stole these frome XXForrestStarXX XD love them!

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

Redvines, what the hell can't they do?

If a parent/guardian asks you, "What did you learn at school today?" answer, "I learned how to survive it."

When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"

While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?"

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

To attract men, wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

They say "guns don't kill people; people kill people", but I think guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you would kill too many people.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face.

(Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.


This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiilling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight of stairs

The electric chair was invented by a dentist, if your even more terrified of the dentist now copy and paste this to your profile.

I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face.

DEATH OF AN OLD AND TRUE FRIEND:
I got this from flyaway111 wgo got it from St. Fang of Boredom who got it from Randomitis Sufferer, who got it from BellaRide28. This is so true:
One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.
Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place:
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Rest In Peace, my old friend.

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How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days by ablondeinaunionjack reviews
When Lissa comes back into Fang's life, she proves surprisingly hard to get rid of. But Max is coming back in ten days...so he enlists the help of the Flock. Chaos ensues. Can they get rid of Lissa in time? Currently taken down, pending rewrite.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 87 - Reviews: 395 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 4/1/2013 - Published: 3/27/2010 - Fang, Lissa - Complete
aww man NOT AGAIN by alsin reviews
ON HIATUS .Fax, Niggy, Azzy, Akila and Total Takila?After Max leaves Sam,Sam dates Lissa.1 year later.Max and Fang are a couple. The flock destroys itex.Decide to live normal lives.Randomly pick a town. where they find Lissa and Sam.FIRST FANFIC.PLEASE READ.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 32 - Words: 20,275 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 1/6/2013 - Published: 9/30/2010 - Max, Fang
A Really Long Fake Holiday by cassandrahearts reviews
Max, Fang, Iggy, Ella, and DR. M go on a vacation for 11 days to Florida. Max & Fang's relationship develops, and so does Iggy & Ella's. FLUFF! FAX, EGGY! Please read, the first few chapters aren't that good but it get's amazing!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 28 - Words: 44,181 - Reviews: 263 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 7/12/2012 - Published: 3/16/2010 - Max, Fang
Fox Harper and The Pack by Melody Calls reviews
"Were... lupine mutants, or The New Experiments. We need your help. The Lab has one of our pack... Cody actually." I stared Max in the eyes looking for an answer. "Please."
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 31 - Words: 13,141 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 1/5/2012 - Published: 12/19/2010 - Max
Rainy Day Games with The Flock by Fangalicous08 reviews
What does the flock do when there's nothing TO do? Read this and find out. R&R Please.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 32 - Words: 65,242 - Reviews: 814 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 6/30/2011 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Complete
A Maximum Ride Chatroom by koko5x reviews
Jeb Makes the flock do a chatroom for therapy Who will get the last laugh...THE AUDIANCE
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,441 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 6/2/2011 - Published: 6/29/2010
I Will Not Blush by journey21 reviews
When you have seven kids under seventeen all living in the same house, things are bound to get awkward. In this story we will explore what the Flock and the Martinez' experience of the "joys" of being a teen. Meant only for bravest of women and men!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 30 - Words: 29,066 - Reviews: 363 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 5/25/2011 - Published: 11/26/2010 - Max, Fang
Letters to the Flock by Fangalicous08 reviews
What if you could write a letter to any character in Maximum Ride? And then have them write you back? Here's your chance! Just write a letter-review and the flock will write you back! **THIS STORY HAS BEEN ADOPTED BY BRI NICHOLE***
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,320 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 4/24/2011 - Published: 10/28/2009
Losing Lissa by tgypwya reviews
The Red-Haired Wonder is back, and she won't take no for an answer. What'll it take for Fang to lose Lissa for good? Some Fax, rated T for safety. Enjoy! Discontinued.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,750 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 3/9/2011 - Published: 10/9/2009 - Fang, Lissa - Complete
Angel: A Maximum Ride Novel by AnikaandAj reviews
Evil scientists are still trying to convince Max that she needs to save the world and to make things worse, that Dylan is her perfect mate. Fang is gathering a flock of his own and now they have to team up. And what exactly happened to Angel?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 45,882 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 2/22/2011 - Published: 12/3/2010 - Max, Angel - Complete
Words Left Unsaid by Asha Childly reviews
COMPLETE! So this is a Fax. It's really good. You should read it. It's post FANG, sort of what happened after he left on both sides. Rated for mild language, and some sexual referances. I promise I'll tell you if it gets too bad.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 52 - Words: 39,475 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 1/16/2011 - Published: 10/23/2010 - Max, Fang - Complete
Iggy Ramblings :D by Aleria14 reviews
Well, I was really bored in some of my classes, so I decided to start randomly talking to Iggy, about some really funny stuff. This idea was inspired by the great St.Fang of Boredom, so I've included her in the story too, Fang will come later. Enjoy :D
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 71,616 - Reviews: 528 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 12/9/2010 - Published: 6/26/2009 - Iggy
Nudge's Fruit Frenzy by The WolfCat reviews
All Nudge wanted was a piece of fruit... *Writen for Vera Amber's Fruitational Contest!*
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,717 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 11/29/2010 - Nudge - Complete
Funny Oneshots by MaXiMuMrIDEisThEbeSTBoOkeVeR reviews
A bunch of funny oneshots. Each chapter is it's own oneshot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 6,977 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/28/2010 - Published: 12/20/2008
Angel: A Maximum Ride Novel by xXiwantwingstooXx reviews
My version of JP's book coming out on February 14th, 2010. Enjoy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,256 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/1/2010
Faximum Ride: accidentally in love by Julie AV reviews
post MR4 no MR5.max comes up with a way to destroy itex for good.all goes well, for a time. what will happen when something goes wrong&all lives are at stake? R&R to find out, right here.story has major FAXness.all characters in character at all times.R&R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 47 - Words: 211,856 - Reviews: 1308 - Favs: 269 - Follows: 197 - Updated: 6/18/2010 - Published: 9/20/2008 - Max, Fang
His Legacy by alexa35 reviews
When a simple nurse finds a stack of unopened letters under the hospital bed of the late Gasman addressed to several people with highly unusual names, she makes it her mission to get those letters to who they were meant for, no matter what it takes.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,022 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 6/14/2010 - Published: 12/7/2009 - Gazzy/The Gasman
NOT a Diary by Maximum Mellark reviews
This is a diary- excuse me, notebook of Maximum Ride. my first fanfic ever! and i suck at summaries Rated T JUST in case
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 739 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 2/20/2010 - Published: 12/8/2009 - Max
IT WOULD REALLY STINK IF by IggyRoX234 reviews
Characters from Maximum Ride share 10 things that they think would really stink if it happened. Really Random. Really Funny. READ AND REVIEW! Please. I WANT REVIEWERS!
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 15 - Words: 7,538 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 8/29/2009
Fifteen by Maximum Writers reviews
When Dr. Martinez finds out Max is turning fifteen, Max finds herself in a whirlwind of traditions, family and dresses. She’s having a quinceañera! Though it seems 'fun' at first, cousins, grandmas and best friends make it a whole lot more stressful. FAX.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 13,008 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 1/25/2010 - Published: 11/26/2009 - Max, Fang
Mind of A Mutant by Flyleaf12345 reviews
Fang loves Max, everyone knows it but her. Read Fang's diary as he tries to tell her he loves her. All Fang's pov. Kind of like the story Diary of A Lovesick Mutant. Oh, and any ideas for a better title?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 19,908 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 10/27/2009 - Published: 9/25/2009 - Fang - Complete
10 THINGS THAT WOULD ANNOY MR PEOPLE by IggyRoX234 reviews
READ THIS! If you read my other book "IT WOULD REALLY STINK IF", this is kind of like it. I just want to warn you that there may be loads of randomness and stupidity. May? there will be. Read it. Review it. Laugh. REVIEW! I already said that. Bye!
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 606 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/28/2009
Total takes over by rainbowstrike reviews
When Fang leaves his laptop out, Total decides that it's his time to shine. He hacks Fang's blog and begins to write about things the flock would probably not want the world to know... This is a present to my 'The Lists' readers! R & R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 9,273 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 9/18/2009 - Published: 7/15/2009 - Total, Fang
Max's Presidential Scheme by Fangalicous08 reviews
Max wants to become President so she can make people pay taxes with cookies. How does she do it? Read and find out. R&R please.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 888 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/5/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
A New Beginning by CloudyWind732984 reviews
The Flock has just saved the world and destroyed the evil Itex. They head over to Max's mom's house to go and live with her. There is a big surprise waiting for them while they are there. There is a jelous Fang and what is the surprise? Fax
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 76 - Words: 100,135 - Reviews: 1110 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 119 - Updated: 4/5/2009 - Published: 12/27/2007 - Max, Fang - Complete
Trix are for kids! by VampiressE12B reviews
I dont even know what this is. I was really bored. But its not a oneshot. Should be funny. Maybe...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 615 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/23/2008 - Published: 7/10/2008
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Worst 10 Things That Could Happen reviews
The characters of Maximum Ride make a list of the worst 10 things that could happen to them. Every character included eventually . DICLAIMER! 5th fanfic. ex: Flock, relatives, ter borcht, reilly, sam, lissa, tessa, john abate, brigid, ari,Mr.Chu ext.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 890 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/17/2011 - Published: 12/23/2010
Ways To Kill Dylan reviews
Ways To kill Dylan! NOT a oneshot! Will Update VERY often! Dylan gets to die! Plz Read! Praise for Fangalicous08! 4th fanfic.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 2,523 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/17/2011 - Published: 12/19/2010 - Dylan
Taking Over Fang's Blog reviews
Fang is very naughty, so the flock takes over his Blog! First Chapter Explains it. 2nd Fanfic. Praise for Fangalicous08! Pre:FANG The flock are living with Dr. M. And Ella.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 16 - Words: 4,319 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/17/2011 - Published: 12/12/2010 - Fang
Responses To Questions at the end of FANG reviews
The flock responses to the questions at the end of FANG from Jess. Nothing Else. Disclaimer.Praise for Fangalicious08! 3rd fanfic.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,911 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 1/17/2011 - Published: 12/19/2010