Big Willis
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Joined 12-11-10, id: 2652568, Profile Updated: 09-13-13
Author has written 2 stories for X-Men: Evolution, and Naruto.

This file is brought to you from the depths of hidden archieves that should've remaind lost. You've dug this up and released it upon yourself.

Name: Big Willis

Age: Depends. If she's out of my leage, then I'm 17. If not, then it changes.

Gender: Male (Try to prove me wrong, I dare you!)

Race: Does American count?

Description: ... Think of the second smartest white guy in your high school and you know me. Ok, not really. I'm smarter than him. But really I just like to think of myself as a colorful commentator. Everybody I talk to hates me because tease, provoke, mock, or insult someone nearly every other conversation. It's a habit.

Jobs: School and helping out parents at their store. On the side, I'm a professional awesome person.

Personality: I guess I'm a bit of a smartass. So I've been told. I like to joke around and tease people a little. No real harm done. Some people get offended and sometimes I go too far, but it's all in the name of fun. I gotta get my kicks somehow, right?

Hobbies: Making fun of people, playing video games even if I suck at them, being a smartass, and reading/writing fanfiction. Asides from that I'm to busy or tired to do anything else.

Favorite Music: I listen to rap, but only a select few artist.

Favorite Artists: Eminem, Royce da 5'9', Joe Budden, Slaughterhouse, Bad Meets Evil, Big Sean, Afroman, and some other artist in some of their better works. As a general rule, I don't like anyone who's only good at delivering hooks with no decent bars in between. That's a lot of music right there that I tend to ignore.

Favorite TV Show: House - I watch the reruns they play on Wednesday. Even the reruns are enjoyable. And looking back, the show only got better as it went on. Let's look at it this way. House got more personal, Cuddy looked even better, Chase got even more women, Foreman's few moments outside of his normal stoicism were awesome, Thirteen was always cool, and Taub got to be a daddy! I didn't like Masters, but I was glad everyone else left. House's best team was Foreman, Chase, Thirteen and Taub, but Adams and Park at the very end were nice too. I liked nearly every character on the show cause they all got to be amazing in their own way.

Favorite Actor/Actress: Robert Downey Jr. Hugh Laurie. Jesse Spencer. Peter Jacobson. Omar Epps.

Favorite Sport: Does sleeping count? I'm starting to play a bit of basketball on the side.

Favorite Console: What kind of question is that? Gameboy all day, baby

Favorite Game of the Year: Dead Space 3

Favorite Game series: Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, Jak and Daxter, Uncharted, inFamous, Pokémon, Prototype, Assassin's Creed( until AC3, which sucked.), Borderlands, Dead Space, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Saints Row, Left 4 Dead, Batman Arkham, and any Tales of game. I'll admit to playing a fair amount of other games, but they just don't stack up on the list like theses games do.

Favorite Movies : Avengers, Sherlock Holmes 1&2, Iron Man 1&2, and comedies.

Things I don't like: When you play a game of Solitare and you click off the screen by accident. When you call someone the wrong gender on accident. The fact House had to end. The fact House ended so nicely. Running out of milk when you need cereal. My sister (most of the time).

Things I Hate!: Crabby old people. Old cars or run down vehicles. Tailgates that don't open. People who take my jokes as personal affronts. My inability to spontaniously bend the universe to my will. My limited knowledge on everything. And what I hate the most is not having any Dr. Peppers at my house because my sister and her thirsty friends drink all of MY drinks.

Fanfiction favorites: Naruto, X-men: Evolution, Inheiritance Cycle, Percy Jackson & Kane Chronicles, and some other things that slip my mind.

I feel like writing some stuff about me while I avoid working on any of my chapter updates. Not sure why. So if I ever get popular or famous on Fanfiction, I hope you like what you read. Maybe I'll have collected some funny or entertaining stories by then.

6/15: I drove 7 hours today to go Whitewater rafting in some hick town in Tennessee. I'm with my family and a couple of other families from the neighborhood. I've gone rafting before in Colorado, but it was a water tour more than white water rafting. So I'm hyped and ready for some excitement fighting nature at it's finest (Man-made river). I'm on a raft with my cousin and our parents. We waste an hour and a half of my life sitting in a raft getting wet and rowwing every other minute. I was bored the entire time. It sucked. I got a decent meal on the way back. It was the highlight of my entire weekend.

6/20: So I'm going to Nashville tomorrow for the 2012 National TSA competition. Big deal. What upsets me the most about this is that after two years of going and being surrounded by girls to talk to and flirt with, I'm finally going to be the only guy there this time. Not a single girl is going that I have intrest in. Yet every single one of them qualified to go. This is a free trip with the exception of food and the stuff we buy at the local mall. Most girls would jump at the chance to go. But not a single girl is. What am I going to do with my spare time if I can't waste it talking with girls that don't have a bit of intrest in me? This will probably be the only year where I won't have competition for a girl's attention, yet there are no girls. My life blows.

6/30: So today is the 4th and final day that I 've had to work by myself at work. In 103 degree heat, extreme humidity, and the heat index of who knows how high. That's all fine and dandy. I don't mind that at all. In fact, I enjoy it. But what is so wrong with this situation is the reason why I was wroking. My coworker decided that he was going to cut a huge chunk out of his finger off sawing a powerade bottle to use as a gas can lid. If that doesnt make it very clear to you how smart he is, then you may just be as stupid as he is. I had to go in on my off day, which I had already planned on spending doing nothing but sitting on my ass. So readers, use knives resposibly or hand them to someone else who can. Or you may end up in med serve waiting to get 4 stitches and a scar with a lame story behind it to drive off the ladies.

7/8: I'm headin to camp tomorrow! Yippee! Everyone who doesn't go to this camp this summer should throw the rest of their miserable lives away in jealousy and envy of how awesome my next 6 days are gonna be. Really. I'll probably gain 40 pounds in food and water, but then lose it all after one hour on the rec field. Plus, I hear that we get to go to camp in the rain! Last time, we only went during a tornado, so this should prove to be just as exciting, if not more so. I'm so pumped! Every other camper will need to drink a couple of gallons of my blood, sweat, and swag juice to get on my level!

7/17: I'm about to upload another chapter, and I'm sitting here thinking about all the things that've gone on in my life lately. Camp was fun. Got a couple of war wounds while I was there. But I earned my stripes. I threw down for a hundred lbs. white guy with glasses. And to anyone who says that wrestling on carpet isn't one of if not the manliest thing one could do for an inside sport, then maybe you should go try it a few more times. Once you get enough carpet burns, you'll be enlightnened like I have.

9/4: Don't you just hate it when you see that one person that you didn't want to see at all and then they talk to you? Well that happened to me this morning and the person pissed me off. I was delivering a gift for someone and the person happened to be in the room I was going to. As the person left, they turned to me and said "Oh, it's so nice to finally see you again!" "Is it really?" I shoot back, before walking by and ignoring the person as they left the room. What I wanted to say was "I bet it does look nice to see me now that you have glasses." But I don't say that. I'm such a nice person. Why am I such a nice person?! My day was been pretty sour afterwards.

9/5: My bad luck continues! Today, I lost both of my back-up contacts that I have been using since my glasses mysteriously fell apart several days ago. So after putting up with the misery that consists of contact usage for over a week, I don't have to worry about the pesky things any more. Now I just have to worry about the fact that the planet Earth I used to navigate is now incredibly strange. I can't take notes at school, can't see to drive, but thankfully if I arch my back just right and pull my monitor up some, I can make out the squiggily shapes on the screen in order to make coherent sentences. So if some of you are wondering how I managed to write this if I can't see well... Your guess is as good as mine.

9/22: Borderlands 2 came out this past Tuesday and I've played it all of an hour. I've decided that while the game seems incredibly fun, I won't be able to play it for a while. The reason for this is because all of my jerk friends keep on joining in on my campaign when they're several levels higher than me and they can one-shot everything. I can't even fight enemies because they all get sprayed down too quickly for me to snipe 'em. But none of them take a hint when I say I want to play my own campaign, no they just invite themselves inside the game anyways. So I hope anyone who reads this and has the game can enjoy it, because I won't for a little while longer.

10/29: I'm glad to introduce yet another dog to my house. My sister decided a week before we got him that the dog's nam would be Ajax. Sadly, my dog will NEVER, EVER, have such a stupid name. So I'm calling it Bear. That's a thousand tmes better tha Ajax. But the perfect name for him would be Chewy. That puppy is freakin' addicted to biting on me. It's kinda cute. But when that dog starts getting stronger jaws...Yikes. So for now, I'm super happy to have a new puppy at the house. It's making my other dog so jealous.

12/3: I can't wait for karma to unload a crap ton of cool stuff on me later on, because my past few days have been filled with fail. Like someone had pissed failure into an empty Mountain Dew bottle then swapped it with my sippe cup. I bumbled through my mini-story while talking to a woman and muffed up my compliment to her, even though it was subtle. She probably noticed and put me down another notch or two on her list. Then I was minutes away from having dinner with another girl but missed out due to work and bad timing. And today, my retarded self turned down the chance to take a cute girl home from school in my truck because I had to stick around for Spanish. And what makes it worse, she said she wanted a tour of my truck! She wanted the D! Nah, I'm kidding on that, but still. A guy could hope. And I went and blew that shot. Damn, I hate my luck. Santa better have me under his saints list or something for Christmas.

2/20: I've had an epiphany. A real eye opening revelation about life and who I am. I think I've finally come to terms with that fact that I enjoy being as big of an asshole to people as I can possibly be. I think it's doubly true for the people closest to me. I'm completely polite and well-mannered for strangers, but I rag on all of my friends and family. Any one who can claim to be my friend knows that I will open my mouth and say anything that crosses the line. I might even regret it some, but I'll still say whatever, no matter how hurtful or inappropriate, so long as I get my kick out of it. I spend my spare time thinking of what to say next to people to get a rise out of them or what I should've said to antaganize them more. I'm a terrible person. Oh well. When I grow up to be crabby and miserably alone, at least I can say I had fun picking on other people. Cause it's not like I meant it, right?

I'm gonna put some character information about my OC's here for Gravity's Burden. Just powers and little tidbits. This is mostly to help readers keep up with everything and to keep it all straight. The characters are in order of appearance and only include named mutants involved with the story.

Luke Hensley: Is able to generate gravitational forces by using motions. The strain causes the muscles that made the motion to tear and shred, causing pain and the area to go limp for a certain amount of time based on how much power is used through the motion. Currently, he is able to push, pull, spin, compress, stretch, float/hover and add/redact weight from items in contact with him. After time with Magneto, Luke has miraculously developed the bility to fly and seemed to hve an upgrade to his powers as whole.

Inspired by my desire to crush birds with a mere hand gesture, like Gaara with sand or Darth Vader with the Force.

Rebecca Anderson - Prophetess: Is able to see the future uses of mutant powers as well as determine the power of the mutant using them. The area she can see expands if multiple mutants use their powers in one place. This often causes extensive headaches, which lead her to shut off her powers with the help of Xavier.

Inspired by my old math teacher. I adored her, so I'm giving Luke one in his world.

Terrence Owens - Springload: has muscles that have taken on spring-like characteristics. He can compress his muscles and release them for explosive strength and power. Impacts also add to the compaction his muscles undergo. In otherwords, hitting something hard would cause his muscles to compress faster. This allows him to absorb things like fall impact to a certain extent. He has also developed extreme atheletic abilities due to training with his powers.

Inspired by repeatedly destroying the training dummy on God Hand with the 'One Inch Punch!' That was one of the best hours of my life!

Amanda Stone - Crystal: Has the ability to grow crystal like rocks out of the ground to impale, trip up, or capture opponents. As a side effect of her mutation, her skin has turned to the same rocky appearnce of her crystals.

Inspired by Emma Frost. I looked at Emma and I was like 'Why can she turn diamond if she's a telepath? Marvel should've done something with that!'

DJ: has the ability to make any sound he could think of and project them from any direction in his vicinity. He can also generate sound so intensly that it shattered Amanda's crystals. Unkown how far he could go with that aspect of his power, but it was immensly powerful while enhanced during the Cauldron. Could immitate any voice he hears perfectly.

Inspired by me listening to too much Pandora on my phone.

Fissure: Has the ability to split anything his hands touch into two perfectly even parts. He has yet to find anything he couldn't split.

Inspired by Two-Face's obsession with duality.

Genkaku: Has the ablity to generate illusions that can be sustained for an infinite amount of time, so long as no one breaks them. The illusions can only capture the visual sense, but require either the brain realizing it is in an illusion or a telepath to clear out the illusion.

Inspired by Stryker's kid on the second live-action X-men movie. That guy was trippy.

Rift: has the ability to store any unorganic object in her own personal dimension that's entrance is her left hand. She also has the ability to spit it back out at varying velocities with her right hand. No known limit to how much she can store and there are no changes such as aging or changes in temperature.

Inspired by Breach off of Generator Rex. Also by my wish to instantaniously pop a chilled Dr. Pepper can into my hand.

Snipe: Has the ability to shoot out the bone that normally resides in his finger tips. The bones regrow in seconds and are much stronger than normal bones. He also has the ability to zoom in on his vision, allowing him to see farther than normal humans as well as see great details. This also is a weakness, as anything that moves up close while he's zoomed in disorientates him. As a result of being able t alter his bone density, Snipe also can enhance his skeletal frame to resist more damage than the normal body.

Inspired by Spyke, Kimimaru, and also by Tristan (Arsenal) from HMMaster's story, but created by thatasiankid.

Director: Has the ability to project his mind outside of his body without causing it to lose any functions. Very hard to assualt mentally due to how unorthodox the mind is outside of a body. While his telepathic abilities are substandard, he has a knack for possesing bodies. This, coupled with his body's latent ability to revert to water when damaged as well as project it, makes the Dirctor a very dangerous and challenging mutant to overcome.

Inspired by a long conversation with a friend about Champions and characters to use.

Gameboy: Has the ability to mimic video game characters. He does so by playing a game and if he completes it 100%, then his brain can access the information inside the game and teach itself how to do things characters in the game can. Can only mimic one game at a time, with a several minute wait between each game shift. Shifting games often gives him migranes due to the mass amount of information the brain has to sift through. This would only teach him how to do things that he could do without any technology or element of the game universe. Example. Gameboy couldn't mimic Jak off of Jak and Daxter because there is no eco he can tap into in the X-men Evolution universe. Gameboy can't generate things that only exist in gaming universes, like technologies or elements not found on earth. Things like KI or chakra are generated by human bodies, so he can mimic that. Hope this helps.

Inspired by another fanfiction that I can't remember. It was similar to Gameboy, but the character in that fiction didn't have to play the game all the way through.

Katie - Nurse: has the passive ability to subconsciously generate endorphins felt by everything around her. This aspect of her power flares when her emotions stir. With focus, she can alter the human body's chemistry for several effects. Her powers also tend to have an addictive quality to them after prolonged exposure.

Marley - Revert: generates an energy that restores near any object to their natural state. This means that any altering done by outside sources are undone, but natural malformations, like genetic disease, would not be changed.

Ghost: Has the ability to completely conceal her presence from the world for a certain amount of time. This is only changed by her altering the world around her in ways noticed by others. For example, in a room by herself, a camera would never see her steal something nor could a telepath sense it. But if a guard was there and he noticed something was missing, Ghost would become more and more apparent to him until she fully slipped back out into the open world. Hope this makes sense!

This section of my ever expanding profile will be for all of my Naruto story information. Any improtant background stuff that goes on in The Only Cure will be posted here. But seeing as I've nothing to reveal to you guys yet, I just want to set up a post on how the scale is in Konoha. This is my opinion on who's the strongest in the village at the moment and how I will base things. Let me know if you have any comments on the scale and we can address them, as this helps me keep things in line.

1. Jiraiya of the Sannin 2. Hiruzen Sarutobi 3. Tsunade Senju 4. Unnamed Anbu Commander 5.Kakashi Hatake 6. Might Guy 7. Shikaku Nara 8. Tenzo (Yamato) 9. Asuma Sarutobi 10. Yugao Uzuki. The other Jonin like Genma and Raido scale in shortly afterwards along with Kurenai.

Akatsuki Scale: 1. Tobi/Obito Uchiha 2. Nagato/Pain 3. Itachi Uchiha 4. Kisame Hoshigake 5. Kakazu 6. Sasori 7. Deidara 8. Konan 9. Hidan 10. Zetsu. Orochimaru would be 5th if he was still in the group.

As far as the Sannin are concerned, I'm a believer that Jiraiya was the strongest, but easiest to kill. Orochimaru was the weakest, but hardest to truely kill. Tsunade is between the two. They all are pretty badass though. Writers don't have much excuse for writing them as slouches in combat. They are SANNIN after all.

I'm not really familiar with Shippuden past the Kage Summit (that's where the Shippuden cut off in the North American showing, I assume), so I can't really make sense of the whole Madara is Obito all along, but then there is another Madara revived by Kabuto through Edo Tensei that has the Shodai in his chest. Kabuto also has an army of undead and unkillable shinobi of legendary status, which is retarded in my opinion. When my stories get that far, I'll probably just avoid all of Kishimoto's plot unless a miracle happens and I catch up to speed. Like that'll happen.

Favorites Quotes: This kind of stuff makes my day. You can't read things like this and not smile. Unless you have no soul!

When life gives you lemons, then make yourself some grape juice and let everyone else wonder how the hell you did it. Unknown

When life gives you lemons, then throw them at someone else and go buy a Dr. Pepper like a real man!" Me, quoting me

"Hey man, do you want your tots?" Napoleon Dynamite

"Titanic Motto: Y.O.C.O. - You Only Cruise Once"

"Ultimate Punch!" Hot Rod

"I'm get tired of telling you that you're right all the time, you know that?" "You ever reckon I get tired of hearing it?" Myself & Girl

"That was so bad I think you gave me cancer!" Calculon from Futurama

"Did you know your car was going 110 mph?" "Well it's a fast car, that's why I bought it." Police Officer arresting Chief Keef

"Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the pool, her splash attack actually does damage!" Ash Ketchum parody

"I know they say there's a lot of fish in the ocean, but you're my Nemo."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." Unknown

"Hey girl, is your name Google, cause you have everything I'm searching for." Unknown

"Bitch I might be!" Gucci Mane, when asked if guilty while being sworn in during a murder trial

"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." Carl Zwanzig

"Fus Ro Daaaaaamn girl you fine!" Dragonborn parody

"You're telling me to do the right thing while climbing out a window?" "Shhh shh shh shh shh!" House & Wilson - House

"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?" Unknown

"To say that nothing is true, is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile and that we must be shepherds of our own civilization. To say that everything is permitted, is to understand we are the architects of our own actions and that we must live with their consequences whether glorious or tragic." Ezio Auditore Da Firenze

"You might have a million dollar body, but you got a food stamp face." Unknown

"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place." Unknown

"Death is easy. Living is hard. Killing is the fun time in between." Me, paraphrasing Wilson from House.

"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction." General Douglas MacArthur

"I will ignore you so hard you will start to doubt your own existence." Unknown

"Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know?" Officer Palumbo - Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

"Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid." Unknown

"Not so tough with out your gun, are you Harvey?" "Two guns, bitch!" Catwoman & Two Face from Arkham City

"Bed is for sissies, unless you're having sex in which case... yeah, bed is still for sissies." Gregory House - House

"Do I get bonus points for acting like I care?" Gregory House - House

"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die." Unknown

"My foot hurts from kicking so much ass" Nike shirt.

"Do you know what it's like going through life being better than everybody? It's hard." Unknown

"What the hell happened to your face? You look like you head-butted a belt sander!" Handsome Jack - Borderlands 2

"And I'd say that you and blood got a special relationship, like two cousins taking a bath together." Scooter - Borderlands 2

"Bacon is the by prodcts of sycophats and incest." Patricia Tannis - Borderlands 2

"Friendship is like pissing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you feel the warmth." Unknown

"I seriously doubt I'm the kind of man who could ever have a religious experience." "You've never been to bed with a yoga master, have you?" Robert Langdon and Vittoria Vetra - Angels & Demons

"Don't pick up that squirrel! They're really just rats with cuter tails!" My Geometry Teacher

"When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?" "Last night." Agent Hill & Tony Stark - Avengers

"What are you without that suit?" "Playboy philanthropist millionaire genius." Captain America & Iron Man - Avengers

"You want me to put the Hammer down?" Thor, right before he levels a forest clearing - Avengers

"B-9!" "Hit, and I hate you." House & Wilson playing battleshots because Wilson has cancer - House

"If you would've been more like me, you still would've had cancer." "If I would've been more like you, then I would at least feel like I deserved it!" House & Wilson - House

I listen to a lot of music, more than I do anything else in my life. Music means a lot to me, so this is the part of my profile I'm dedicating to lyrics that stick out to me for their cleverness, ingenuity on wordplay, or if they just ring home with me personally. So for some songs I'll have to go bar by bar. I listen to a majority of rap, some of these quotes might be a bit offensive. That's just the music I listen to. Just a bit of a warning beforehand. None of these will probably make any sense without prior knowledge of the artist, but I have that knowledge so they mean a lot to me.

"I don't need the keys to the game, I pick a mean lock." Joe Budden - 2.0 Boyz freestyle

"I want brain, You want shoes, but true love is always head over heels." Crooked I - Throw That

"The best way to explain is that I want the most because I had the least, that's why I'm on my game, Biatch!" Joe Budden- Top of the World- No Love Lost

"Ever since I was thirteen, I learned how to sew and sewed shut my own bootyhole, cause I ain't took no shit since I looked down at my nuts and saw my first pubic grow." Bad Meets Evil - Echo - Hell: The Sequel

"Buy you a bag of of Frito's? I wouldn't let you eat the fuckin' chip on my shoulder. If you was bleach and I was hair I wouldn't dye fo ya. Tryin' to pull five bucks from me is like tryin to pull five molars. You'll get your eye swoll up, I'm on my straight grizzly, so why would I buy you a gay-ass teddy bear bitch? You're already bi-polar." Eminem - That's All She Wrote - No Mercy

"Before I settle for less than average I'll swallow a watermelon, follow it with a double down sandwhich." Royce da 5'9 - Airplanes - The Bar Exam 3

"I don't wanna pretend, I don't want to live a lie. I don't wanna be judged, I don't wanna be criticized. I don't wanna talk, there's nothing I wanna say. The more I let 'em get to know me the more they just run away. And that, must be your way of saying we should stay together. I know how to fuck it up more than I can make it better. I figured the folk around me would learn to take it better, instead of tryina change me, I been this way forever. Time will reveal, more will be shown. You pushed it, I thought that door closed on its own. But ah, never mind what caused it, livin a dream, nothing in this world powerful enough to pause it." Joe Budden - Follow My Lead - Mood Muzik 4

"I wanna be the best who ever did it, don't know if that goal's fesible, or it isn't. But if it it is then God if you're listenin, please give me the strength to crush all compitition. You can't blame me for dreamin, I'm a dreama, and if I'm coming off brash please forgive me, but it's all I want." Eminem's hook - Our House - Welcome to: Our House

"If you ain't prepared now, you ain't get the warning yet. I'mma go hard early, call that morning sex." Joe Budden - Beamer, Benz, or Bentley Megamix - The Bar Exam 3

"You thought you was winnin, till every tooth in ya mouth is in the pouch in ya pocket the next time you talk to ya dentist." Royce da 5'9 - Forever - The Bar Exam 3

"Somebody very dear to me just attempted to kill himself, it showed me we don't fear death, we fear fear itself." "I feel like they could take away the cars, they could take away the cash, but I bet you that they can't take the realness that's in ME!" Royce da 5'9 - I've Been Up, I've Been Down - Success Is Certain.

"They say I've changed since stardom, we can't share the same success, we ain't share the same problems, so I got big just to show 'em what the gym does, nevermind shootin, they ain't show me where the gym was. That's why I do a lot on spite, so if you gottem lookin up to me you got them at the wrong height." Joe Budden - No Church In The Wild - Freestyle

"Bruce Willis on his death bed, last breath with an infection, fightin it while he's watchin internet porn, bout to meet death with an erection. My God, what I mean is David Carrey jacking his penis in front of tripod while chokin his own neck, I'm sayin I die hard!" Eminem - Welcome to Hell - Hell: The Sequel

"What is it? Wordplay? No, I'm pushin you out tha doo', so suck my dick on tha couch, if you wanna cushion the blow." "Damn baby, you look good, you're givin me wood, you should pull over like a sweat shirt with a hood." Eminem - Session One - Recovery

"God given, killen this bomb buisness, I'm callin rap that because I put my time in it. I don't mind bein ready to die as long as it's at an arena and we did and my momma seen it." "All I know is that I'm at an all time high inspired by an all time low." Royce da 5'9 - Get Up - Welcome to: Our House

"Seems with me the rules never apply, don't tell me how to live my life." Joe Budden - Sober Up - Mood Muzik 4

"Had a dream, I was king, I woke up, still king. This rap game's nipple is mine for the milking, till nobody even fuckin feels me, till it kills me, I swear to God I'll be the fuckin illest in this music. That is or will ever be. Disagree? Feel free, but from now I'm refusing to give up only thing I'm giving up is using excuses. Excuse me if my head's to big for this building." Bad Meets Evil - Lighters - Hell: The Sequel

"Try me and I'll try out ya, the drum on that gun is beta'd like Phi Alpha, uh." "And if he's iron, he wll have an easier time trying, to put on some pads and tryina tackle Barry, than go against this goddamn G4 buying Detriot Lion." "When I shoot this iron, all you hear is hoopin n' hollin, 'Bombs Away!' Bootsy Collins." Royce da 5'9 - Die - Welcome to: Our House

"I'm stayin on top of my monopoly board. That means I'm on top of my game and it won't stop till my hip don't hop anymore." Eminem - No Love - Recovery

"You mistake me for a gentleman, you're 2000 and late, Will I ain't, I'm the bad guy, type a guy that'll drag five girls up on stage, pour ice in their pants, and the first one who pees, gets a black eye!" Eminem - 2.0 Boyz freestyle

"Terrible but not ripable." "The compitition's miserable, we stomp them bitches, this is no joke, going overboard like someone threw us off the boat. Choke, cough on all the smoke, Imma tryna stay on fire so you know if I hate fuckin water sprinklers I don't love the hose." Bad Meets Evil - Above The Law - Hell: The Sequel

"Go head, drink and die, buried under the stone where the patron fifth sits by and it reads here lies someone who never wanted to be this guy." Royce da 5'9 - All In My Head - No Love Lost

"Raised by a gangsta, come in with ya ass whooped and you get a ass-whoopin." "Yes I be poppin lots of shit, you can't do nothin bout it bitch so get the heads up or be my rock'em sock'em opposite." Royce da 5'9 - It's Over - The Bar Exam 3

"You ever look inside some dyin eyes? You'll see suprise and realize there's no denyin God. When was the last time you heard that the iron tried?" Royce da 5'9 - Legendary - Success Is Certain

"Bad to the bone, back in his own lair, let him alone you don't wanna go eggin him on. It'll never be my chair that you own. Crown so tight that it cuts of circulation to the brain, no oxygen, otherwords there's no heir to the throne." Eminem - Despicable

"Go on, let shawty sing cause ain't no way in hell they'll say Joell is brave enough to tell y'all everything." Joell Ortiz - Skeletons - No Love Lost

"See the problem is I know it all, or maybe the problem is that I just show it all? Maybe they think I should be ashamed of my actions but really there's no remorse." "Want to see through the eyes of a monster? Look through my glasses tint. My roommates can stay, just make sure they pay half the rent." Joe Budden - Skeletons - No Love Lost

"My castle started shrinking, something's gotta give. It ended up being the smallest place that I had ever lived. One of the reasons I would do away with fame to say the least, don't know who these people are, their names ain't on the lease. This a different type a monster, entertainment is a beast. We were supposed to eat together but I became the main feast. If you're preying on my kindness, takin advantage of Joe's cool, I have to ask what's your definition of soul food? I busted my ass my whole life and I worked hard for my profit. And envy, I know, cuts like a knife so you proly work hard to stop it. If you know me like you claim how could you disregard my logic? You know I'll cut my arm short and put my heart in my pocket." Joe Budden - Castles - No Love Lost

"I guess that's the difference between friends and associates. I done been broke, I done been through the motions. I don't pay no attention to birds, I use my scope and I tend to the vultures. No one ever blows up your phone just to talk. I don't make money just to loan it to y'all." Bad Meets Evil - Take From Me - Hell: The Sequel

"Life or death I tried to lynch myself. Thought I could keep it all a secret I convinced myself. But really, the folk that love could tell I was loakin. I couldn't see em cry me a river cause it fell in the ocean. Numb to my words now, maybe felt I was open. Cut so many people loose, do I need help with devotion? That's just... Some of the things I ask my Lord and Savior. And when he calls for me will he have done us all a favor?" Joe Budden - All In My Head - No Love Lost

I'm not quoting lyrics on the album because Kayne West's lyrics aren't that spectacular to me. But his music has me stricken. Blood On The Leaves might be the most single beautiful composition of sounds I've ever heard. Listen to an instrumental version of that song and tell me that Kanye West doesn't deserve credit for making incredible music. With that announcement, I'm gonna go have an eargasm while listening to that song on repeat.

My rules on fanfiction:

I have none. My personal line of decency is the only thing seperating you from madness. Keep that in mind. I will take things as far as can if I feel the need to.

As far as preferences though, I will admit to a few. I'm not a fan of evil Narutos that slaughter everybody in one giant binge of murder. It seems kinda dumb and there isn't much of a story to it, just details on how people die. I'll also come out and say I hate the Naruhina pairing. I don't care how many people hate me for that. It's true. I find her to be detestible and to be one of the lowest forms of life still left walking the planet. She has no will! And any scrap of courage or determination she ever gets comes from someone else, which makes her more of a leech or a parasite than anything else. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but that's just how I see her.

Bashings have lost their taste in my mouth too. I used to be able to get into them, but not so much anymore. Especially the Team 7 characters. Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura get more hate than is due them, really. I'm not gonna bother defending them, but what could you really expect from Kakashi, who doesn't give a damn about his gennin and has no real reason to. Sasuke hates everyone and I think I would too if I were in his shoes. I'm a dick to everyone I'm around and no one's killed my entire family. Sakura is just some stupid girl. We ALL know girls in real life that at that age were really that way. Those characters are real and make sense for the situation they were in.

Sure, after the Wave arc, they could've pulled something together, but look at who they were working with. Naruto in the anime was a complete screw-up. Sure, he's our hero and he has his time to shine, but honestly. No sane person would want to put up with Naruto in order to work with him. He wasn't fit to be a ninja. Not until after the Chunin Exams, when he stepped his game out of neccesity. Before that, he was just an annoying brat with a lot of potential behind his loud mouth.

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Black Flames Dance In The Wind: Rise of Naruto by DevilKeys Writing reviews
A storm is brewing. Casting a black shadow over the world, threatening to incinerate it and scatter its ashes to the winds. Humanity's only hope lies with a young boy. A boy sacrificed for their protection, yet condemned to a life of hatred and abuse. Will the pariah become the savior? Or will mankind be cast into oblivion by a monster of their own creation?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 51 - Words: 821,980 - Reviews: 4272 - Favs: 6,232 - Follows: 5,044 - Updated: 7/23 - Published: 7/18/2007 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Better Left Unsaid by Kenchi618 reviews
Mizuki never got to shoot his mouth off at Naruto the night he took the Scroll of Seals. Other than skipping a half-manic monologue from him what exactly did this change for everyone's favorite blonde ninja? Who knows? Rated M for language/later events.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 74 - Words: 967,222 - Reviews: 8567 - Favs: 10,412 - Follows: 9,638 - Updated: 5/21 - Published: 12/14/2010 - [Naruto U., Ino Y.] Team Ten
Hurricane Suite by Dr. Snakes MD reviews
Uzumaki Naruto grew up with lofty goals, guts, and determination. Instincts of a born fighter made him grow; duty to his home drove him. As the battle lines begin to blur, he must find a way to reconcile all he's ever known with the man he hopes to become. Large AU.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 108,582 - Reviews: 1438 - Favs: 3,874 - Follows: 3,671 - Updated: 3/26 - Published: 3/9/2010 - Naruto U.
Not Sick by Ser Serendipity reviews
In one world, after defeating his brother, Itachi Uchiha dropped dead, victim of a mysterious disease, and the future of the ninja world was set for the worse. However, in another, Itachi was not sick. From this small difference, many changes will spring, and many plans will be overturned. The path of the last of the Uchiha, and the world itself, will be altered forever.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 39 - Words: 331,120 - Reviews: 1762 - Favs: 2,034 - Follows: 1,986 - Updated: 8/20/2016 - Published: 11/24/2013 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Itachi U. - Complete
Patriot's Dawn by Dr. Snakes MD reviews
Uzumaki Naruto was born to be a shinobi. He was supposed to be a killer; a protector of unparalleled skill. His lineage and the demon in his gut ensured that. In canon, his growth was stunted. In here, he had a reason to be strong. He has to survive. AU.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 192,785 - Reviews: 2793 - Favs: 6,919 - Follows: 7,213 - Updated: 8/19/2016 - Published: 10/31/2010 - Naruto U.
Actions and Words by Ekusukallybaa reviews
In the aftermath of Orochimaru's Invasion and Itachi's second Tsukuyomi, Sasuke is left with two revelations. The first is that his friends were put in danger because of him. The second is that he will do anything to protect them.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 107,125 - Reviews: 594 - Favs: 933 - Follows: 975 - Updated: 4/19/2016 - Published: 1/31/2014 - Sasuke U., Team Seven, Team Hawk, Indra Ō.
Naruto: Soldiers of Fortune by Kenchi618 reviews
AU in a more modern urban setting. Will be EPIC in length. Things aren't as they appear in this world. With a normal life out of reach, can Naruto figure out the mysteries that surround his existence and survive long enough to cash in on the potentially lucrative (and dangerous) career path of the mercenary? ...Either way it beats actually working for a living. NarutoxFem. Kyuubi
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 51 - Words: 414,958 - Reviews: 1588 - Favs: 2,242 - Follows: 1,917 - Updated: 4/18/2016 - Published: 3/17/2010 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Shinobi of the High Seas by Kenchi618 reviews
Naruto's age has passed him by as his time is over. Now he attempts to seek out a place for himself in the new world, and it's bigger than he ever figured it to be! Will be epic in length, NaruHarem
Crossover - Naruto & One Piece - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 51 - Words: 568,420 - Reviews: 8422 - Favs: 8,757 - Follows: 7,561 - Updated: 4/18/2016 - Published: 9/10/2010 - Naruto U.
Tragedy Rewritten by HaNaJaK reviews
After Sasuke's defeat of Orochimaru, Naruto gets a second chance to go after him. Danzo has different ideas. But all is not lost, especially when a depressed Naruto meets a very familiar baby kitten. From this single event, the fate of many in the shinobi world will be rewritten, and a whole new story will be born. Inspired by Not Sick by Ser Serendipity. NO YAOI.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 183,722 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 12/24/2015 - Published: 2/12/2015 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Itachi U.
Just Two Normal People by taylortot reviews
A collection of quiet moments about a half-youmu boy and a clumsy Spirit World warrior falling in love.
Beyond the Boundary/境界の彼方 - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 27 - Words: 46,257 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 272 - Follows: 222 - Updated: 4/30/2015 - Published: 11/21/2013 - M. Kuriyama, Akihito K.
Kagemane Complete by Anbu-Dave reviews
Shikamaru makes a single, different choice at the beginning of the chunin exams. With it he makes a mortal enemy of Orochimaru and must try to outmaneuver the sanin. Adventure/humor/romance.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 224,568 - Reviews: 366 - Favs: 634 - Follows: 596 - Updated: 1/14/2015 - Published: 9/8/2010 - Shikamaru N.
True Warriors Never Die by Kenchi618 reviews
With enough time anyone can call themselves a master of life, but no matter how much time goes by one cannot truly understand existence as a whole without first having experienced death. How will one blond handle his brush with it? - "Wait... what?"
Crossover - Naruto & Bleach - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 388,985 - Reviews: 4184 - Favs: 6,413 - Follows: 5,515 - Updated: 10/16/2014 - Published: 1/30/2011 - Naruto U.
Shattered Eyes by Lithius Osmius reviews
Tears of liquid silver will be shed as Naruto struggles to master a new Bloodline Limit that surpasses all, even the Rin'negan. Look into his eyes, the shattered mirrors of the soul. AU, Epic Length, pairings undecided.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 191,547 - Reviews: 2311 - Favs: 4,800 - Follows: 4,257 - Updated: 10/24/2013 - Published: 12/1/2007 - Naruto U.
The Sealed Kunai by Kenchi618 reviews
What if something made Naruto the dead-last that everyone sees him as? What if he really wasn't as weak as he seemed? The true Naruto, unleashed upon the shinobi world! AU Story starts at Invasion of Konoha arc and continues onwards.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 69 - Words: 670,128 - Reviews: 10696 - Favs: 12,358 - Follows: 8,367 - Updated: 8/20/2013 - Published: 6/14/2010 - Naruto U. - Complete
Daybreak: Part I by DigitalTart reviews
One of Konoha's greatest enemies is long dead, but Akatsuki lives on, and a new threat to peace is rising in the shinobi nations. The question is... who are the heroes, and who are the villains? AU. Follows One Small Kindness.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 318,384 - Reviews: 1113 - Favs: 1,497 - Follows: 1,219 - Updated: 6/30/2013 - Published: 10/19/2011 - Team Seven, Itachi U. - Complete
Two Step by Disrupted Original reviews
Nick-centric continuation of L4D2. At least twice a day he would trace a finger over the faded highways that stretched over the map in his hands. Every step he took could very well be in the wrong direction, but he had to take it. He had to find them. Language, violence, adult situations. Original characters. No pairings, just friendship. Complete. Thank you for reading!
Left 4 Dead - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Friendship - Chapters: 43 - Words: 218,108 - Reviews: 463 - Favs: 379 - Follows: 235 - Updated: 4/1/2013 - Published: 5/20/2010 - Nick - Complete
The Hero's Brother by Kyuubi666 reviews
On the night of the Kyuubi's attack, Kushina gave birth to a pair of twins. Minato survived the Shiki Fuujin with the Kyuubi sealed inside Jin, who is proclaimed a hero. However, Naruto grows up neglected and alone. Minato Bashing! Dark Naruto!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 67,308 - Reviews: 1159 - Favs: 1,853 - Follows: 1,680 - Updated: 1/17/2013 - Published: 6/23/2010 - Naruto U.
Naruto the Black Blade by Tigee86 reviews
Challenge fic. After stealing and opening the Scroll of Sealing, Naruto finds something more interesting then a clone technique whose details he never bothers to learn. A change he finds leading him down another path. femHaku
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 14 - Words: 116,259 - Reviews: 853 - Favs: 2,796 - Follows: 2,631 - Updated: 7/12/2012 - Published: 7/25/2010 - Naruto U., Haku
Winds of Change by Mirrored In My Mind reviews
-Complete!- Original character, told from his point of view. Getting superpowers? Not as fun as the comics make it seem. I'm living proof. Also, becoming a superhero? Involves getting up waaay earlier than necessary.
X-Men: Evolution - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 53 - Words: 194,815 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 6/13/2012 - Published: 2/10/2009 - Complete
One Small Kindness by DigitalTart reviews
Uchiha Mikoto takes the hand of an outcast child, and with it rewrites the destiny of her clan. AU. *SEQUEL UP*
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 19 - Words: 108,569 - Reviews: 1063 - Favs: 3,655 - Follows: 1,273 - Updated: 10/19/2011 - Published: 3/10/2011 - Mikoto U., Itachi U. - Complete
Resurrection of the Uzumaki Clan by Angles of Death reviews
"Congratulations, Naruto. You are now a Genin of Konoha." Iruka said, smiling. "Unfortunately, I'm going to have to kill you now." First Person, AU Universe. Mature for tons of lemons, Naruto/harem, fem!Kyuubi, and all-out epicness
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 71,315 - Reviews: 859 - Favs: 1,864 - Follows: 1,625 - Updated: 5/7/2011 - Published: 3/13/2011 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Medicinal Lullaby by Shivakashi reviews
ON HIATUS. Fighting to keep hope in his friend, struggling to come to terms with Jiraiya's death, Uzumaki Naruto doesn't need any more on his plate. Sadly, that's what lands on his doorstep. Literally. Post Manga ch. 406 Naruto-centric MaturING!Naruto
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Family/Supernatural - Chapters: 32 - Words: 259,473 - Reviews: 3006 - Favs: 3,030 - Follows: 2,498 - Updated: 4/1/2010 - Published: 9/1/2008 - Naruto U.
The Dichotomy of Namikaze Naruto by Thundereaper reviews
What lies behind the Shiki Fuuin? Who is Naruto, really? Told from the Mizuki incident onwards, a new Naruto emerges, smarter, stronger, and better. Female Kyuubi. NaruXFemKyuuXFemHakuXTentenXHinataXIno.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 276,934 - Reviews: 3785 - Favs: 6,034 - Follows: 5,387 - Updated: 8/21/2009 - Published: 1/25/2007 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Ascension of the Kitsune by Wandering Maverick reviews
Naruto finds out the horrible truth about his family, leading him to the Kyuubi. Watch as the elemental nations and Konoha are rocked to their very foundations by Naruto who has been under the tutelage of the most powerful bijuu in the world.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 431,768 - Reviews: 1846 - Favs: 4,704 - Follows: 2,254 - Updated: 3/28/2009 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama - Complete
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The Only Cure reviews
Being raised by the greatest medic in the world made Naruto different. But his world is still the same. Akatsuki is still around, Orchimaru's intrest in him is aroused, and now he's being returned to Konoha. But how is this blonde supposed to surpass everyone that came before him to be the greatest ninja of all time when he hasn't even earned his headband?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 88,637 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 222 - Follows: 218 - Updated: 8/25/2013 - Published: 12/17/2012 - Naruto U.
Gravity's Burden reviews
Controlling his powers was hard. It was painful. But having fun being a mutant for hire made it bearable. After one close wake up call and a talk from a man named Xavier, Luke has to become an X-man and learn how to fully control himself. OC story.
X-Men: Evolution - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 180,050 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 4/24/2013 - Published: 1/27/2012