Poll: Does anyone think that J.K. Rowling hinted at Dean/Luna? Vote Now!
Author has written 11 stories for Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Inheritance Cycle.
Hey all. I'll get straight to the point. There are five things I cannot live without - my family, books, One Direction, choclate and Harry Potter of course!
Total Harry Potter fanatic and can't wait for part 2 of The Deathly Hallows to come out. I now own the DVD of Part 1 though I cry no matter how many times I see it.
I am convinced I am a daughter of Apollo and I am so obsessed with Percy Jackson, it's kinda scary.
I love Pokemon and I'm proud of it. Can anyone tell me which is better - Pokemon Black or Pokemon White? I don't know which to get! PM me.
Might be slightly in love with Louis Tomlinson, Jake Abel, Zain Malik and Enrique Iglesias.
I am probably the most Jedicated person you will ever have the misfortune to meet. JEDWARD SHOULD HAVE WON THE EUROVISION! I just went (18th April) to one of their concerts on the Bad Behaviour Tour and it was amazing! One of them waved at me, but I'm not sure if it was John or Edward . . . I have reached one conclusion,
Also, I'm in love with Skulduggery Pleasant.
I love drawing, art and singing (even though I'm horrible at it. *turns to max volume so no one can hear her God damned awful singing*) I think this backs up my theory that I am a daughter of Apollo.
I, TheOnlyMarauderette, will review every fic I read. What goes around comes around, and more people will review my own fics. I have joined Review Revolution. Have You? Bum bum BUM!
Really dislike Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus and High School Musical.
Also,I have to forewarn you,I HAVE ONE DIRECTION INFECTION TOO!!!! Sorry, but by law I must tell you, it's contagious.
Only demigods and Greek people can read this.
Αυτό είναι για όλους τους ημίθεους εκεί έξω που μπορεί να διαβάσει ελληνικά. Αντιγράψτε και επικολλήστε αυτό για το προφίλ σας με το γονέα και το όνομά σας.
I could not live without cartoon animals, seeing as I spend at least half of my time in school doodling them. My personal favourites are bumble bees, pigs and cows. Cows are a gift to mankind. Business Studies can just go on forever sometimes . . .
My current life ambition is to have 'Insert Fangs Here' tatooed on my neck. . . . Haha not really. I like the Twilight books but I don't really like Bella's character. She's just to moany. That's my personal opinion, no offence intended. Oh I have also recently been diagnosed with OCD - Obsesive Cullen Disorder.
I have an insanely long profile, but the majority of it is entertaining so have a look. If you hate long profiles just please skip to 'Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts'.
My Favourite Books: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Skulduggery Pleasant, Hunger Games, Hell's Bells by John Connelly, The Gates by John Connelly, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and The Hobbit.
My Favourite Movies: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow Part 1 (I was crying from the point where Hedwig died to the very end), Star Wars (Call me a nerd but I honestly don't care), All of the Pokemon movies (Lucario and the the Mystery of Mew is my favourite though I love them all),Star Trek (The new one with Chris Pine. Ummm . . . Chris Pine) and Eclipse (Me: Taylor Lautner *drool* Mum: Amanda! Stop drooling all over the computer! Me: But I'm thinking about Taylor Lautner! Mum: *dissaproving* Okay. I guess it's better than you fainting when he came on screen in the cinema.)
My Favourite Music Artists: Jedward,Rihanna, Adele, Fall Out Boy, Mumford and Sons and Green Day.
Favourite Characters: Peeta(Hunger Games), Ghastly, China and Skulduggery(Skulduggery Pleasant), Weasley Twins, Ginny, Tonks and all the Marauders(minus Pettigrew) (Harry Potter), Leo Valdez, Charles Beckondorf, Nico, Thalia, Percy and Annabeth (Percy Jackson).
Favourite Pairings: Thalia/Nico, Katie/Travis, Percy/Annabeth, Silena/Beckendorf, Rachel/Apollo, Remus/Tonks, James/Lily, Harry/Ginny, Hermione/Ron, Hermione/Draco, Katniss/Peeta, Ghastly/Tanith, Valkrie/Fletcher, Elizabeth/Mr. Darcy, Dean/Luna, Kate/Gareth, Umbridge/Avada Kedavra (can't remember where I saw this but it's so true!).
Pairings I Hate: anything that is slash (sorry, but seriously people? Snape/Harry? Fred/George? *shivers*), Lily/Sirius, Harry/Hermione, Ginny/Draco, Nico/OC, Leo/Thalia, Leo/Piper, Percy/Rachel (Grrrr. I HATE PRACHEL), Percy/anyone but Annabeth, Valkrie/Skulduggery (I don't get how people like this. I mean, he is 400 years old and a skeleton and she is 16 and will destroy the world. They're just friends people), Tanith/Sanguine, Tanya/Edward, Katniss/Gale, any kind of cross-species pairing.
If at least 3 of your favourite characters have died, turned evil or left, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list along with the characters. SiriusDoctorWhoHoney329 (Sirius, Remus, Fred, Tonks, Murtagh, Lex Luthor, Riku, Spike, Atem, yeah, I'm really cursed, I'll update if I think of more), XObeautifulXdisasterXO (Charlie Pace, Adam, Will Turner, Cee, Claire Littleton, Sun, Rachel, Desmond?) Obiwanlivesforever (Padme, Shmi, Qui-Gon, Boba Fett, Beru Lars, Owen Lars, Bultar Swan, Kit Fisto, Anakin Skywalker, Boromir, Norrington, Governor Swann, probably Gillette, Edinburgh Trader dudes, Cedric, Colin, Lupin, Cypher, Warlock, Illyana (left and died), Prim, Cinna, Foxface, Madge, Maysilee, Finnick, Lavinia, Darius, Castor, Wiress, Bonnie, Twill, Boggs, Cecelia – but not Obi-Wan, ‘cause Obi-Wan lives forever) InkWeaverabc (Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred, Anakin, Murtagh, Will Turner, Farid (sort of left) I may think of more) TheOnlyMarauderette (Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred, Dobby, Prim, Rue, Finnick, Cinna, Qui-Gon, Padme, Silena, Beckendorf, Luke, Mr. Bliss, Tanith -you fans know what I mean *nudge nudge* end of 5th book *nudge nudge*-)
That's all folks. Please read and enjoy anything I write, and review too.
P.S. I really like cheese and beef stroganoff. (Not together)
P.P.S. Cows are a gift to mankind.
P.P.P.S. Never Say Never
The Percy Jackson pledge:
~You say Twilight
Whats the last book you read?
Percy Jackson Titan's Curse
What's on your T.V right now?
Some random cheesy drama I'm not watching.
Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say?
My friend. "Giant ferret aliens shall rule the world!"
Where are you?
My mam's room.
What's your personality like?
Weird and cheerful?
What was the last thing you thought?
I hate waiting for authors to write the next book in a series.
Say George Bush. What is the first thing that comes to your mind?
A plant. Sorry, but I don't know much about politics outside my own country.
You now have a million dollars. What do you do?
Buy all the books, CDs and creme eggs I can. Then maybe see if I can bride Rick Riordan to publish Son of Neptune faster. The same goes for Derek Landy and Death Bringer.
Reach out and grab the closest thing to you. What is it?
A spoon and an empty chocolate mousse carton.
What are you eating/drinking right now?
Had chocolate mousse.
What are you writing RIGHT NOW?
Harry Potter fanfic.
Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 56 and find line nine. What is it?
"It'd be like wearing someone else's socks." - Skulduggery Pleasant Book 1
What's it like being you?
Crazy. Enough said.
What are your thoughts on writing?
How tall are you?
Fun sized. Next question.
What book are you currently reading?
Percy Jackson BotL
What music are you listening to?
Mumford and Sons
What was the last website you visited before fan fiction?
What was the last thing you cooked?
Does putting lasanga in the microwave count?
What color are the walls of the room you are in?
Deep orange and cream.
Do you know who the governor of your state is?
I don't live in the States.
Ketchup or Mustard?
Neither. Mayo. Yum.
How many different programs are on your computer right now?
What is the weather like?
Are you going on vacation this summer and where?
Yes, to Wexford.
I love pancakes, adding things to my FF profile, writing and reading on FF. Plus my friends are awesome. I love hip-hop.
What's your favorite article of clothing?
Mickey Mouse pajamas.
Who is the most special person to you?
Scariest moment of your life?
I had a huge spider on my arm.
One word that would best describe you?
What is your favorite month?
May, you get your holidays (usually) and it is the month of my birthday.
What's your favorite number?
What does your user name mean?
I'm the only marauderette. Simple.
What is your favorite Disney movie?
The Lion King.
What made you smile today?
Meeting new people :J
Last thing you said out loud?
"Stupid computer!" (wouldn't load)
Lailest rainbow you saw?
Do you want a haircut?
Have you ever been in a fight?
Yup, but not a serious one.
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Jaime or Leah.
Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Alejandro. NOT! Maybe Joe or Joey, named after Joe Moses, Joe Walker and Joey Richter a.k.a. some of the most awesome people in the world!
If you could be any book character, who would you be?
Tanith, Valkrie, Annabeth or Thalia. Probably Thalia.
If you've ever started reading FanFiction from the moment you come home from school at four until 4 am when your mother threatens to donate your computer to a charity shop, copy and paste this on to your profile.
Everyone else wants to be a Vampire. Me? I wanna be an demi-god!
If you think that toads do NOT exist, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid post this on your profile
If you've ever run into something big and obvious in public, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination" then paste this in your profile and add your name: Emerald Princess 14, StardustFromThePlanetGallifrey, NarnianLady, KingdomHeartsNerd, Lady Alice101, TheOnlyMarauderette,
If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile. (I have learned from experience that it is not a good idea to start singing 'I'm a Creep' in the middle of Irish)
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a crush on a book character copy this to your profile (Do you want the list?)
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. (My friends think I am weird for this one. Scratch that, they think I'm just plain weird)
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
96% of all the girls in the world would scream and cry if the Jonas brothers were standing at the top of a fifty foot building and were considering jumping. Paste this on your profile if you're one of the 4% that would push them.
If you're over ten years old and still obsessed with Pokemon, paste this on your profile.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME"
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS:Have you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'it’s because your gay isn't it?'
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!!
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
Total: 13 out of 25 (Weird . . .)
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick.
Total: 6 out of 24 (No, that's not worrying at all)
1. YOUR REAL NAME: Amanda
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Amaizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Red Leopard (?)
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (Middle name and current street name): Angela Tamarisk
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (The first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of your mom's maiden name): Graamris (That sounds like a dude's name)
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, favorite drink): Black Cola (No need to fear! Black Cola is here to save you from the evil Pink Pepsi!)
7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of your siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Magocca (That sounds like a shot)
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name): Teresa (Could be worse)
6.: YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Mario (Now I sound like a gothic Godfather)
List your favorite characters from your Percy Jackson in no particular order.
1. Charles Beckendorf
7. Zoe Nightshade
10. Silena Beauregard
1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven FanFic? Do you want to?
Yup. Cute and one of my favourite PJO pairings.
2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Aw yeah total babe. I'm lovin' the one eye look.
3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight Pregnant?
Annabethh and Luke other way around- I'd smack Luke to the next century and do not want to think about it.
4. Can you recall any Fics about Nine?
Juniper? Nope. Zero, zilch, nada.
5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Yeah I know Thalia is a Hunter but I love Thalia/Apollo fics!
6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
Percy and Juniper? No way Percy would never steal his best mates girl! As for Percy and Silena - I don't think so. Neither.
7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having an intimate moment?
Maybe scream olden day profanities at Apollo?
8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten Fic.
Silena explains to Grover that even though she is the daughter of the love goddess, she doesn't know how to ask Beckendorf out.
9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
No I've never read anything with Luke and Beckondorf and I really don't want that in my brain. My gods, Beckendorf is coming up a lot!
10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort Fic.
Annabeth is visiting Nico, who is in the Underworld, whens she meets Zoe and they talk. That would be my plot so the name would be something like So, How's Death Suiting You?
11. If you wrote a songfic about Eight, what song would you choose?
Big Bad Handsome Man by Imelda May. Descrides Luke to a tea, even though he turned good at the end.
12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve Fic, what would the warning be?
Girls giving boy dating advice. CRINGE ALERT!
13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
Every second fic is about Percy.
14. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) runs off with (4). (1), broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).
"Beckendorf and Zoe (?) are in a happy relationship until Zoe runs off with Tyson. Beckendorf, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Nico (gods help us) and a brief unhappy affair with Annabeth, then follows the wise advice of Percy and finds true love with Grover.
Three words. NEVER NEVER NEVER!!! (Sorry Justin Bieber)
15. How would you feel if Seven/Eight were in a fight?
Totally beilevable, I'd probably back Zoe.
16. What would you think if you found (4) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?
If it means I'm related to Posiedon, WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17. How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?
Luke and Nico? I think I'm gonna be sick.
18. How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?
I'd call Artemis to beat up her brother for me.
19. You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year (just imagine it happened for the smart alecks out there), and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?
When was Silena risen from the dead?
20. What would you think if (1) was emo and had tried to slit his/her wrists? If (1) is already emo/slit his/her wrists already, what would you think if (1) became the most optimistic person in the world?
Beckondorf an emo? I'd get Silena to give him a few pink things.
21. What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?
Thanks Tyson, but I'm busy Saturday.
22. (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?
Get your own magic silvery Hunter one!
23. (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?
Who is strangling a cat?
24. (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?
AWESOME! APOLLO (assuming Artemis didn't turn him into a jackalope for me) AND NICO - BEST TEACHERS EVER!
RULES: (for another iPod shuffle thingy)
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, ETC on Shuffle.
1.If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
Ego by Beyonce
2.How would you describe yourself?
Alone by Glee Cast (No I am NOT lonely or that sad)
3. What do you like in a girl/guy?
Close To You by JLS (Aww, cute)
4. How do you feel today?
Never Say Never by Justin Bieber Feat. Jayden Smith
5. What is your life's purpose?
Crush by Glee Cast (Yeah coz I crush people)
6. What is your motto?
Overboard by Justin Bieber Feat. Jessica Jarrell (I usually don't go overboard on things, though I am a perfectionist)
7. What do your friends think of you?
Eenie Meenie by Justin Bieber Feat. Sean Kingston (I'm not small - I'm fun-sized!)
8. What do you think of your parents?
What am I going to do by JLS (Hehehe so true . . . Naw, only messing)
9. What do you think about very often?
Go All The Way (In To The Twilight) by Perry Farrell (Not really, no)
10. What is 2 + 2?
Decode by Paramore (I get it! Decode the answer!)
11. What do you think of your best friend?
Don't go by JLS (Aww bestos forever)
12. What do you think of the person you like?
One Shot by JLS
13. What is your life story?
Sweet Dreams by Beyoce (Yeah coz I spend all my time daydreaming . . .)
14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Rusty Halo by The Script
15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Boys And Girls by Pixie Lott
16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
I'm Yours by The Script
17. What will they play at your funeral?
Love Me by Justin Bieber (Love Me even though I'm a pile of ashes?)
18. What is your hobby/interest?
Smotherin' me by Imelda May (Yup, that's right. I spend my spare time murdering people *cough* little brother *cough*)
19. What is your biggest fear?
You Keep Me Hanging On by Glee Cast (Well, if you mean off a cliff, then it's my second worst fear. My first is spiders)
20. What is your biggest secret?
You've Got The Love by Florence And The Machine (Oh, do I have a secret admirer? No probably not)
25 Percy Jackson Questions
1) Percabeth or Prachel? Percabeth of course!
2) Favorite guy character? Nico, Leo or the Stolls.
3) Favorite girl character? Thalia.
4) Favorite god? Apollo. Random haikus are awesome.
5) Favorite goddess? Artemis. She is just so . . . awesome. There really is no other word for it.
6) Zeus, Posiedon, or Hades? Posiedon. He seems like the coolest.
7) Is Luke hot? If he looks anything like he did in the movie then . . . YES! YES YES YES YES YES! *drool*
8) Would you join the hunters? No. I wouldn't be able to scream anytime Jake Abel comes on screen.
9) Archery or sword fighting? Archery. I like having two hands and ten fingers thank you very much.
10) Iris Messaging or Hermes Express? Iris Messaging.
11) Favorite minor god/goddess? Morpheus. Really cool power.
12) Favorite book? The Last Olympian
13) Least favorite? BOTL.
14) Would you live year round at Camp Half-Blood or just go in the summer? Year round definately.
15) Favorite couple? Rapollo or Tratie.
16) Are you a demi-god? Yes!
17) Who would be your parent? Apollo.
18) Favorite minor character? Stoll Brothers.
19) Ethan or Luke? Luke! Jake Abel . . . Luke all the way!
20) Favorite monsters? Hellhounds.
21) Favourite Titan? Hyperion. Just awesome powers.
22) Least favourite god? Ares.
23) Least favourite goddess? Persephone.
24) Least favourite pairing? Perachel or Perlia. I don't mind Rachel as a character but Percy is with Annabeth.
25) Did you like the movie? What kind of question is that? Jake Abel is in it! Didn't really have anything to do with the book, but it was okay. Jake Abel . . .
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
People are like slinkies. Basically useless, and yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.
I have CDO. It's like OCD but all of the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.
It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces. (He he he-that's mee)
The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
Jesus saves. Passes to Moses, he shoots, he scores!!
Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.
I'm not random, I'm just HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL!
You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a cliff, I laugh.
A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Dang, that was fun!"
They never suspect the short one.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia?
Whoever said that nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.
I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead.
Stereotyping? How do you type with a stereo?
People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was. =
I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.
You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.
DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S...tell your friends.
Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI!!
Hey stupid! Your sock is untied...
If my calculations are correct...slinkies + escalator = EVERLASTING FUN!!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
"To be is to do" ~Socrates
"To do is to be" ~Sartre
"Do be do be do." ~Sinatra
Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together?
Owww! Charlie!! Charlie bit me...
Procrastinators; the leaders of tomorrow.
Im not random, you just can't think as fast as me.
Tu madre. You just got burnt in spanish.
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.
Im not as random as you think I salad.
It's okay pluto. I'm not a planet either.
Ever wonder why bologna and lasagna don't rhyme?
Laughing until your stomach hurts is what friends are for.
God made men first then...He had a better idea!
If people were all meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.
Wanna hear a joke? ...miley cyrus.
On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicatd. Haven't they met themselves?
I see no good reason to act my age.
Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls.
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
Be a dork!! Because being cool is overrated.
At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh?
Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos?
Making us all wish we were blind:Speedo.
Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades.
If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.
I ROCK! Guitar hero told me.
I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.
~I was going to kill the ugliest person alive but then i thought I'd let your mom live one more day
~Smile. It makes the world wonder what you're up to.
~There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe.
~Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.
~Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.
~Be yourself. That's crazy enough.
~You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.
~They say guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG!" i don't think you'd kill many people
~Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.
~I have animal magnetism-- when I go outside, squirrels stick to my sleeves.
~The trouble with real life is that there is no background music
~I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere
~Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.
~Forecast for tonight: darkness
~If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do?
~I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
~Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
~How come when you mix water with sugar, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go?
~If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something
~Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.
~Hell is full of musical amateurs
~There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line
~I'm not random I just have many thoughts
~I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes
~I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
~ -sticks hand in electric box- CHIDORI!!
~If you had a life you would stop talking about mine
~We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
~Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking
~The below statement is true
The above statement is false
~Don't make me angry, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
~Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.
~People are like slinkies. Basically useless and yet its so amusing to watch them fall down stairs.
~In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop!
~Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.
~God must love stupid people...he made so many
~There is no great genius without a mixture of madness
~When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
~You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.
~Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.
~PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.
~Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much
~If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense
~One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
~When life gives you lemons make grape juice, lay back, and let the world wonder how you did it.
~I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah!
~Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.
~I have a dream and in it, something eats you.
~Its sad your own mom dresses you like that.
~Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.
~Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its hysterical
~My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems
~If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?!
~I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
~I met Nicole Richie!! No wait, that might've been a twig...
~Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.
~If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
~I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words
~Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!
~Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?
~You should always proofread what you write in case you any words.
~I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a better conversation than you.
~I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.
~By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life
~I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday
~Hi! I'm human. What're you?
~Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?
~I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass!
~Everyone has a right to be ugly, but you're abusing that privilege.
~If we were to kill everyone who thought you were stupid, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
~I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
~Wherever there is life there is love
~I may not be perfect but at least I'm confident
~Sometimes all we need are each other
~Life is like a circle. No wonder I'm so dizzy.
~Yeah I'm a loser, but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet
~A friend would call you a retard but a best friend would call you one and act like one with you.
~Boy break hearts so why don't we break their necks?
~One night, I looked up into the sky. I began counting the reasons why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars.
~When they laugh, we'll laugh along too. Because we know better. We know.
~I wanted to send you something SEXY... but the mail man told me to get out of the mail box...
~I'm NOT SHORT!! I'm fun sized!
~Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses!
~When you call us BITCHES we just look at each other and crack up, because we knew that WAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOU DID!
~Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING!?
~Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?
~We are the people our parents warned us about!
~Someone told me its illegal to kill someone for pissing you off...crap...!
~I have the kind of friends where if my house was burning down, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen! (Yeah and they probably start it too..)
~RAWR!! That means I love you in dinosaur!
~Grant me the serenity to accept things I can not change... And the shovel to hide the bodies of those who piss me off...
~Its not that I'm not a “people person”... its just that I'm not a “stupid people person”.
~Lets play Simon Says! Simon Says... GO CRAP YOURSELF!!
~You and me are friends. You fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge... I'm gonna miss your dumb ass!
~I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a... aww who am I kidding!
~If I promise not to kill you... can I have a hug?
~Some people are like slinkies... they're really good for nothing! But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs! ( )
~I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh look a kitty!
~Exactly how much fun can I have before I go to hell?
~HELL- Where all the fun people end up!
~Ne the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says “Oh crap she's up!”
~Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid!
~They keep saying the right person will come along... I think a truck hit mine!
~It better to have loved and lost then to live with the PSYCHO the rest of your life!
~Only You!... can help me hide the bodies!
~I'm smiling cause I'm your sister, I'm laughing cause theres nothing you can do about it!
~When I die, I'm going to haunt the HELL out of you people!
Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
19 Ways to Retain a Healthy Level of Insanity:
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Drugs".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
Things to do on an elevator: (By JacobTwilighter)
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. (To the Doctor Who fans-doesn't that seem like something the Doctor would do?)
Bring a chair along.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.
As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, darn it!"
Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
You Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When…
You go to the Empire State Building and you ask for the 600th Floor.
There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!”
Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes.
When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses.
You burn food to see if it smells good.
You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!”
You’re in a running/swimming race and you’re praying and sacrificing to Hermes/Poseidon.
You think that your favorite singer is a child of Apollo.
Someone close to you dies and you give them money (LOTS of it) just in case
Everyone else is creating a Twilight family and you create a PJO family.
You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda…
You’re on a boat and you pray that Poseidon is in a good mood.
You’re in the air (hang-gliding, cliff-diving, bungee jumping, flying, in a plane, etc.) and you hope Zeus is in a good mood and won’t blast you out of the air.
You go to Aunty Em’s and say you’re camera shy.
You find your true love and thank Aphrodite for sending him/her to you.
You think George Bush is a son of Ares (he’s dumb and violent you know!).
You know Muse is the best singers. Get it, the Nine Muses??
Bring a blue plastic hairbrush with you everywhere.
When it gets really cold randomly, blame Kronos.
You get a Greek mythology calendar for Christmas.
You get really mad at Hades when a family member dies.
You sometimes try to control water.
You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months.
You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address.
Even though not diagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent.
You yell "Annabeth!" every time you see a NY Yankees hat.
You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games.
Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp shirt.
You are a PJO character for Halloween.
Recite lines randomly from the books.
When you see/hear about anything mythology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it.
Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related.
You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol.
You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you.
You have dreams about PJO characters/events
You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket.
That every time you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword.
Every time you play dodgeball, you bring a suit of armor.
You go to San Fransisco looking for the Old Sea Man.
You find yourself praying to Poseidon for rain.
Whenever your internet slows down, you yell at the sky and say "HERMES! WHY DO YOU LOVE ANNOYING ME?!"
You stuff your (ahem) Harry Potter books in the back of your closet so you have some more places for your PJO stuff.
When someone gets married, you say: "I hope you shall not anger Hera"
In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!"
You pretend (or actually) faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?"
When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!"
When someone dies, you pray to Hades to allow them to go across Styx for free, because they don't have drachmas anymore.
You are known to scream names of the characters at random times.
You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders in case of emergencies
On the first day of school, you immediately look at your schedule to see whether or not you're in mythology.
You pray to Athena when you don’t study for a math test.
And when you flunk said test, you blame her irritation on Percabeth.
You make a list of characters never to anger, like this one and why:
-Thalia- Want her for your friend, hate her for your enemy.
-Athena- She scares Percy more than Zeus. Also, she cannot be distracted and her plans always work.
-Hades- Um, this one is rather obvious- also you might not be buried with a drachma in your pocket.
-Hermes- Cutting off your internet access would be slow and painful torture. Also I blame the economy crisis on Luke's stealing federal funds.
-Aphrodite- She's preoccupied with Percabeth and Thalico, I know, but c'mon...
-Eris- She threw the apple.
You have ADD, are diagnosed, and are convinced that you are a demigod because of this.
When you steal your friend's pen you believe it's justified because your dad is the god of thieves, and you thought it was Riptide and had to check to make sure Percy was still alive.
You write fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer.
When your mom grounds you from the computer, you blame it on a combination of Nemesis, Hera and Hermes' little joke.
You want Hephaestus to fix your iPod when it breaks.
You give all your siblings and/or friends god parents (Poseidon, Zeus, Hades.)
You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians.
You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win.
You spend time doing pointless research, just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site.
You still think Thuke could happen.
You plan several statements to avoid Apollo's lines and remember he's a player, should he ever hit on you, and several ways to get out of being cursed.
You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl.
You think Percy's extended family needs extensive therapy.
You have a countdown to the Demigod Files because of the mention of Percabeth.
You want Kronos buried under Witchita, Kansas in a safe deposit toothpick box. No one will ever look there, and hopefully he'll be too tiny to bother the locals.
Your mother thinks you need (I did one time, and my mom looked at me all weird) to get a boyfriend, as does your father to cure your obsession.
You blame your little brother's desire to turn off your Internet in the middle of this review on Hermes' anger that you've joked about all of them.
You imagine random unwritten PJO moments during class and laugh. When one brave soul unaware of your obsession broaches the question of why you were laughing, you try to explain.
They think you are nuts because you are laughing at Hades' wild card of Nico
You think of creative names for Percy besides Seaweed Brain, such as kelphead16 because his head is full of kelp and there's an 85 chance he'll die at the age of sixteen.
You wonder if you'll be able to drive a car come your 16, provided Percy saves the world, because of that.
You know you're obsessed when you lose something, and say, "Come on Hermes! Give it back!!"
You think all the popular girls at your school are children of Aphrodite. And say to all the braniacs at your school if Athena is okay.
You go on YouTube and look at PJO themes for characters.
You read page 287 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head
Your internet homepage is Rick Riordan's blog.
You and your other PJO obsessed friend cracks up if any one mentions the word Canada or Canadians.
You and your PJO obsessed friend start a fan club with only you two in it.
You get other people obsessed.
You have constant vivid dreams about the fifth book.
You spend most of your time thinking what will happen in the fifth book.
You jump up and down at the idea of LT becoming a movie.
You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, TLO, PJO and use it in conversations.
Your favorite quote of all time comes from PJO.
You and your friend has "diss-wars" using PJO CHARACTERS (My friend Athena is going to make up dumb, oh wait you already are).
When someone dies, you give them a sack of red rubber balls for Cerberus.
Every time you see a guy in a wheelchair you think "Chiron!!”
You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?"
When your boyfriend dumps you, you take the oath of the hunters
When you burn yourself, you curse Hephaestus/Hestia.
You put an offering to Demeter next to your garden.
You go up to a teacher in a wheelchair and say, "I know who you really are, Chiron…"
You say "Maia!" when you are wearing shoes.
Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:
1) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
2) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
3) I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals
4) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches
5) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"
6) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
7) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
8) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
9) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
10) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
11) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
12) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
13) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.
14) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
15) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
16) I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
17) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
18) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
19) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
20)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
21) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
22) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
23) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
24.) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
25) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
26) Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
27) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
28) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “
29) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
30) I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
40.) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
41) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
42) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
43) I may not have a private army.
44) I must not substitute chocolate-flavoured laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
45) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
46) I am not the wicked witch of the west.
47) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
48) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
49) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
50) I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
51) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
52) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
53) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
54) - Especially not all of them at once.
55) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
56) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."
57) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
58) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
59) When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
60) Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
61) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
62) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of Muggle firearms.
63) Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
64) I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
65) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
66) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
67) I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
68) I will not create a betting pool that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
69) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
70) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.
71) Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
72) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
73) However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
74) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
75) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
76) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
77) I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
78) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
79) It’s not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says "All The Good Looking Ones Die Young" with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
80) I will not yell "Hey look! It’s Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
81) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad, bad nightmare about Harry
82) I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
83) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”
84) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
85) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmancy exams.
86) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.
87) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
88) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.
89) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.
90) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
91) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
92) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.
93) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
94) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a Muggle car.
95) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.
96) When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.
97) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.
98) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.
99) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.
100) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
101) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
102) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
103) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
104) Do not confuse Aragorn, Eragon and Aragog. Ever.
105) I may not introduce Nagini to Indiana Jones.
106) Challenging Ron to a slug-eating contest is just mean.
107) Under no circumstances am I allowed to refer to Voldemort as "Baldy".
108) Even if he is.
109) I am not allowed to tell the first years to have a staring contest with the Basilisk.
110) I am prohibited from sprinkling glitter on Draco Malfoy, dying his hair, and call him Edward.
111) I am not allowed sell Mrs. O'Leary to Hagrid.
112) I will not give Professor Lupin a collar as a Christmas or birthday present.
113) Saying "I think I 'taw a puddytat!" every time I see Professor McGonagall is most certainly NOT allowed.
114) Offering Voldemort a colonial-era powdered wig (complete with ponytail) will not amuse him and I am not allowed to do so, even if he needs a new hair do.
115) I am not allowed to paint the school neon pink as the only person it will amuse is Professor Umbridge.
116) I must not introduce Voldemort to a psychiatrist as it is likely to result in him having a temper tantrum.
117) I am not allowed to introduce the Cullens to Professor Lupin.
118) I am not allowed to tease Professor Lupin about his 'time of the month'.
119) I shall not play match-maker for Voldemort on Valentine's Day because it will only make him cry when no one will go out with him because of his lack of hair.
120) I am not allowed to be a match-maker for Shelob and Aragog either.
121) I will not arrange a battle to the death between nine Hungarian Horntails and the Nazgul.
122) I will not scream, "HIS NAME IS EDWARD!" any time I hear the words Cedric Diggory.
123) I will not ask the centaurs if they know where Chiron is because I have found a demigod.
124) I will not shout at dinner times that Darth Sideous is Voldemort's uncle, even if they do look alike.
125) I shall not try to persuade everyone that Percy Weasley's true name is Percy Jackson and he slays monsters with a pen for a living.
126) I will not sing 'I'm a Survivour' after the Battle of Hogwarts.
127) No matter how fun it looks, I will not stand on a table and do the Macarena at the Yule Ball.
128) Professor Lupin is not the magical equivlant of Wolverine and I am not allowed to address him as such.
129) Even if I'm bored, I am not allowed to ask Snape what is the mysterious ticking noise.
130) I will not dye Harry's hair pink or give him brown contacts, just because I am sick of black-haired, green-eyed heroes.
131) Whether they owe me money or not, I am not allowed to sneak into Fred and George's dorm at the dead of night to die their hair blond, spike it unreasonably high, then call them John and Edward in the morning.
132) I will not send Voldemort white robes for Christmas and claim he changed his name to, "Voldy the White."
133) And when he wears them, I am not allowed to run around Hogsmeade screaming, "Ahhh! It's an albino dementor!"
134) It is not tasteful to send Professor McGonagall a scratching post for Christmas.
135) Bringing a magic eight ball to Divination class will only get Professor Trelawney annoyed at your, "Lack of Inner Eye."
136) To which I am not allowed to reply.
137) I will not refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.
138) Nor am I allowed to have lightsaber fights with my wand and make whoosing noises.
139) "Because they both need to wash their hair," is not proof Professor Snape and Aragorn are related.
140) There is also no proof that Gimli and Flitwick are related and I am stop asking Flitwick if he's been swimming with any hairy women lately.
141) Singing 'Hungry Like The Wolf' in Professor Lupin's class is not a way to get extra credit.
142) I am not allowed to write on the wall in the Gryffindor Common Room, "I know where you live" or "I stole all your underwear!"
143) I am not allowed to replace the Bludgers with peas, tomatoes, plums or anything that is not a Bludger.
144) Portable swamps are not funny.
145) And I will not set off the above in Snape's sleeping quarters.
146) Or in the Slytherin's bathrooms.
147) In fact, I am not allowed to even buy portable swamps.
148) Harry Potter is not a Son of Poseidon and saying this everytime I see him will only result in him filing a restraining order against me.
149) My patronus is not a Nazgul.
150) Neither is my animagus form.
151) "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
152) It still is not appropiate, even if I have subsituted the flying monkeys with gummy bears.
153) I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.
154) My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills.
155) No part of the school uniform is edible.
156) Nor am I allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.
157) I will not try to take house points from the first years for "being too goddamned short".
158) Especially as I am in no position of authority and Dumbledore would have to be heavily drugged before he would ever make me a prefect.
159) I am not allowed to wear singing holiday-themed ties and claim that they are officially part of my uniform. Especially not during June.
160) Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.
161) Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.
162) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.
163)I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.
164) I am to attend astronomy class and should stop yelling that aliens will abduct me if I do.
165) Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine.
166) No matter how much I would enjoy watching Harry sing, "Saturday Night."
167) "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.
168) I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent.
169) Nor am I to ask if he is Carlisle Cullen's evil, unfortunate-looking twin.
170) I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that matter doing any other activity.
171) Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden.
172) Voldemort does not wish to appear as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics. And no, he does not care how much money I make from it.
173) The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror".
174) Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is also inappropriate.
175) I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.
176) I will not sprend rumors that Legolas Greenleaf is his second cousin either.
177) Luna Lovegood is NOT always on "physicidelic mushrooms" and I should stop implying that she is.
178) The same goes for Professor Trelawney.
179) I will not get a tattoo of a smiley face on my arm and claim that it is the new Dark Mark.
180) When signing to all of these rules, I am not allowed to write in red ink and say that the Cullens lent me some grizzly bear blood.
181) I will not set my robes on fire to get out of potions.
182) I should not be a sports' commentator for Ron and Hermiones arguements.
183) Hogwarts does not need a "This many days since Harry has almost died," sign.