Author has written 2 stories for Hunger Games, and Fault in Our Stars.
Hiya, I'm Bonnie
- A midget fortune teller that has escaped from jail is a small medium at large!
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
- Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.
- You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
- Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out
- One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you
- What you're looking for is always in the last place you look (Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!)
- You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.
- I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
- They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
- I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
- Having the love of your life say that you can still be friends is like your mom saying you can still keep your dog after it died.
- If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
- You park in driveway and drive on the parkway (because that's not confusing)
- Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is wrong.
- Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them
- If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
- Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
- I wasn't born yesterday, and neither were you. If you were, congratulations on learning how to read at such a young age.
- Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Actual things on products:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Continental?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a carton of milk: "Warning: This product contains milk." (OMG REALLY?)
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Even if it was abandoned a loooooooooooooooooooooong time ago...
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