Hello to all of the people of the interwebz! It is I, the illustrious Poodlebrain, here to entertain your mindthoughts with my incessant spillage of ramble! I have decided to bother writing now. What, I do not know. But, whatever it turns out to be will certainly be spectacular!
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, "Why the early bird gets the worm," "Life isn't always fair," and "Maybe, it was my fault."
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is surpassed by his three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
A moment of silence.
!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI
If you realize that copying and pasting things in your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil copy and paste this in your profile.
If yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I wsa rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Paste this into your profile if you can read this!
THE PERCY JACKSON PLEDGE:
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
In New York-
it is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. (aw man...)
Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”.
Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 PM. (do not invoke the wrath of the slippers police)
Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
It is illegal to sell your children. ( well I hope so!)
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. (looks like I have to leave my elephant at home)
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. (Shoot, looks like karaoke beach night at the Starbucks is canceled)
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (but where else can you put them?)
Signs are required to be written in English.
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (at least you don't have to worry about sitting on it)
in South Dakota-
No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants. (... not even gonna comment...)
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (but they're so comfortable)
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. (I don't even know what to say)
No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk.
Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. (I think that's up to the frogs.)
Frightening a baby is in violation of the law. (BOO!)
It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
Dancing is strictly prohibited.
It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. ( why a bucket?)
A milk man may not run while on duty. (RUN, MILK MAN, RUN!)
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. (that's a lot of candy!)
You may not fish on a camel’s back. (A CAMEL! this is not Egypt)
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime. (...)
Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. (WHAT IS WITH THE ANIMALS AND FISHING?!)
The value of Pi is 3. (what does this have to do with ANYTHING?!)
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. (but you can take showers, right?)
It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
No one may throw an old computer across the street at their neighbor. (did this happen a lot?)
Clowns beware! (WHAT THE HECK?!?)
If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. ( they do realize that means neither can move, right? obviously not...)
Hitting a vending machine that stole your money is illegal. ( they obviously do not know of ZIM's temper)
No one may wear a bee in their hat. ( why would you want to?!)
No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night. ( aww man...)
You say Martians. We say Irkens.
You say Bill Nye. We say Professor Membrane.
You say backpack. We say PAK.
You say uprising. We say RESISTY!
You say stupid. We say 'advanced'.
You say idiot. We say pathetic, filthy human pig-smelly!
You say ugly. We say big head.
You say 'The Song that Never Ends'. We say "The Doom Song".
You say robot. We say GIR.
You say "That's not true!" We say "LIIIIIIEEEES!!!"
You say aliens. We say "ZIM IS AN ALIEN! WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO TRY AND PROVE IT THIS MUCH?!? JUST LOOK AT HIM!"
You say "I'm popular". We say "I'M NORMAL!!!!!"
You say we're weird. We say we're Invader Zim fans.
If you luv Invader Zim, copy and paste this onto your profile!
Invader Zim Questionare: 20 Q's (Paste this into your profile if you are an IZ Fan)
1. If you could hang out anywhere, where would it be?
3. Which IZ Character Is Your Best Friend?
4. Which IZ Character Do You Hate?
5. Your Favorite IZ Episode?
6. Your Favorite IZ Character?
7. Favorite Almighty Tallest?
8. Zim walks up to you, what do you do?
9. You just got 2 tickets to go see a concert, who do you take with you?
10. You accidently got stranded on a deserted island...who got stranded with you?
11. Zim asked you to help him repopulate Irk...what is your answer to this disturbing question?
12. Favorite IZ Pairing?
13. You and the Tallests are on the Massive...?? (I don't know where this question was going!)
14. If you could spend your Friday Nights doing something, what would it be?
15. Favorite IZ Quote?
16. Favorite Zim Moment?
17. Favorite Dib Moment?
18. Favorite Tallest Moment?
19. Favorite GIR moment?
20. Favorite Random Moment?
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.When you drop a pen, don't pick it up. When someone reaches to pick it up for you, scream, "Wait! That's mine!!!"
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
Did anyone else notice there is no number 8, 13, or 16? 'Cause I did!
If every time you hear the word rum, you automatically think of Captain Jack Sparrow, put this on your profile!
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is retard cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on!
You know you read too much JTHM and watch too much Invader Zim when:
1) You've gotten into several 'Lasers vs. Smoke Machines' debates with your friends
2) Every time you hear a teacher say "Children today have it so easy", you're tempted to scream "YOU SPEAK LIES! LLLLIIIIIEEEESSSS!" while clawing at the air like Zim
3) If someone says the words 'Red and Purple', the first thing you think about is the Almighty Tallest, not the colors.
4) You learn someone in your class is named 'Johnny', and emit a fangirl squeal.
5) You now think all Chihuahuas are EVIL!
6) You've taped your fingers together to see what it would be like to have only three fingers (It's very hard to type like that :I)
7) The thought of Dib being Johnny makes more sense than it actually should
8) You now order 'Brainfreezies' at movie theaters and drug stores
9) Your friends aren't even surprised anymore when you spout a random JTHM or Invader Zim quote.
10) The name 'Jimmy' makes you shudder with revulsion
11) Speaking in third person doesn't seem odd at all
12) At least ONCE, you've tried to imitate one of the character's voices
13) You want a T-shirt that magically changes logos without your notice
14) You're genuinely shocked whenever someone wonders aloud 'Who is Jhonen Vasquez?'
15) Height has become very important to you, and you now look up (both physically and figuratively) to those who are taller than you.
If at least one of the above is true, copy and paste this to your profile!
10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D:
1. Ask For Directions To A Place Youre Already At.
TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS!
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.
-Pick the month you were born in-
January I killed
February I smelled
March I ran naked with
April I jumped
May I ate
June I shot
July I danced with
August I loved
September I kissed
October I robbed
November I slapped
December I stabbed
-Pick the day you were born on-
1 A banana
2 A homeless guy
3 A house
4 A mop
5 Barney the dinosaur
6 A sock
7 A stripper
8 My lover
9 My teacher
10 An iPod
11 A movie star
12 A phone
13 An angel
14 A drunk guy
15 A crack head
16 A pillow
17 A cat
18 A teletubby
19 A hobo
20 Paris Hilton
21 A dog
22 A bird
24 A rock star
25 My toothbrush
26 A glass of milk
27 The kool-aid man
28 A French fry
29 A lesbian
30 An emo
31 A snowman
-Pick the color of the shirt you wearing-
White Because a hobo stole my taco.
Black Because the voices told me to.
Pink Because I wanted to.
Red Because I’m bringing sexy back!
Brown because I’m on crack.
Polka dots Because insanity is fun!
Purple cuz I’m gangsta my home skillett and biscutz.
Gray because I’m cool like dat
Green Because big bird told me to.
Orange Because I know kung-fu.
Maroon because I’m a good girl.
Turquoise Because I was chasing the leprechaun.
Blue Because that’s how I roll!
Tye dye because I’m a freaking scuba diver you got a problem with that? Didn’t think so!
Yellow Because the hippies kidnapped me in the middle of the night.
None Because the aliens did experiments on me.
-Now read it all together and laugh at yourself! Repost this as what you are...
I smelled Barney the dinosaur because the voices told me to. Hmmm...I must be crazier than I thought...
Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't spanish and you just do that to annoy him.
Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o (and you forgot to put a spoon in your lunch box) that you try drinking your Jell-o through a straw and using straw chopsticks because straws were the only untensil-type thing available.
Crazy is when you start dancing in Walmart to its cheesy music.
Crazy is when you laugh uncontrollably at your own jokes.
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.
Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.
Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".
Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.
Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.
Crazy is when you're going through this as a checklist.
Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random moments.
Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.
Crazy is when you're crazy.
Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.
Crazy is when you convince your friends your 'high' because you can't stop laughing even when nothing is funny. And then all of you convince the nearest adult that you're having a breakdown.
Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.
Crazy is when it is the last day of school and you scream and run around in circles.
Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the movie.
Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world.
Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.
Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty."
Crazy is when you are asked to get someone's phone from the other room, and you go and grab it epically, then crack up and spit out your Oreos halfway through.
Crazy is when you go in your backyard and have conversations with yourself and non-existant people while gesturing wildly.
Crazy is when you go outside and show off your Just Dance 2 moves in the rain. While singing along.
Crazy is when you watch Lord of the Rings with your family, and at the end, when they discuss it like nerds, you nod like you get it and when they finish talking, you look at something random and say, "Oh, shiny!...wait...what were we talking about again?"
Crazy is AWESOME!!!
Crazy is when you is on Skype, and your friend randomly says, "Well, that guy's headed for certain death," and you laugh.
Crazy is saying, "There's a car in a river, and people in the car. How is that a fail? That's a win!!!"
Crazy is when you read crack pairing fics and make your own when you're bored.
Crazy is when you have memorized all the words to llamas with hats and repeat them to random people, just so you can creep them out.
Crazy is when you randomly say 'moo' or 'cheese'.
Crazy am when you don't not got no good grammars.
Crazy is when you receive daily threats to get put in an asylum.
Crazy is when you make a list of where you put everything so as not to lose it, and you lose the list.
Crazy is when you can voluntarily make your eye twitch, and it looks realistic, too!
Crazy is when you ferociously growl like a mad wolf when your friends annoy you.
Crazy is when you put it on your To-Do list to memorize the universe's top ten most annoying songs.
Crazy is when you are in a quiet classroom, you fall out of your chair backwards, and start laughing insanely while everyone stares at you.
Crazy is when you constantly shout out non-sequitors. TORTELLINI!!!!!!!
Crazy is when you like eating paper.
Crazy is when you bend your computer or DS screen and threaten it when it's being slow or you lose a game.
Crazy is when you say something that makes no sense to anyone but you and doesn't actually relate to anything, but you crack up, and when everyone stars giving you "looks", you cover up by saying it's an "inside joke."
Crazy is when you are PROUD of the fact that you can bash your head against a wall for five straight minutes and not feel a thing.
Crazy is when your stuff keeps falling out of your locker, and you randomly snap and start punching and kicking it and screaming, "HOW DO YA' LIKE ME NOW?!?!? HUH?!? YOU WANT SOME A' DIS?!? HUH? HUH?!?" and not even noticing that everyone is stopping and staring at you.
Crazy is when you burn your tongue on a hot liquid or something like that, shriek, spaz out, wonder how long it will take for your taste buds to grow back, then continue drinking the scalding liquid like nothing happened.
Crazy is when you have a staring contest with yourself.
Crazy is when you've unintentionally done half, or more, of the things on this list.
Crazy is when you meow according to how you're feeling. (Happy meow when you're happy. Angry meow when you're angry.)
Crazy is when you put an entry in this list, then go back and re-paste it onto your profile months later.
Crazy is when you walk into a wall, and then say, "Excuse me ma'am" until someone points out that the wall isn't going to move out of your way.
If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!
ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Yes, that's not suspicious at all!)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Oh, good, I was afraid it would be like that pack of batteries I bought that said, "Batteries Not Included")
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Good, because I didn't come prepared.)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Honey, I may be an idiot, but I'm NOT stupid!)
Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.
PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, DubbleV,GwenFan22, Harryismyheroicsavior, Hermione'sBFF454, Lilly Rae, daisyduke80,viva9626, CayennePeppr, OrangeSugar, StoriesAreMagic, Little Christian, FishE1, spammessages222, Rainheart344, PowerinPink, ZaneWalker, NinjagoZ
You have a short temper. X
You often act on your emotions without thinking first.
You are very competitive. X
You like to play with fire. X
You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all. X
You prefer warm weather over cold weather.
You often lose control over yourself.
You can be quite reckless.
You sometimes hurt people without realizing it. X
People have often called you insane. X
You have a calm, laid-back personality.
You like to go to the beach.
You rarely get angry.
When you do get angry, you know how to control it. X
You think before you act. X
You are good at breaking up fights.
You are a good swimmer.
You like the rain. X
You can stay calm in stressful situations. X
You are very generous.
You are physically strong.
You have a close connection with nature.
You don't mind getting dirty. X
You form strong opinions on issues that concern you. X
You could easily survive in the wild. X
You care about the environment.
You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted.
You rarely get depressed.
You aren't afraid of anything.
You prefer to have a strict set of rules.
You have a free spirit. X
You hate rules. X
You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces. X
You hate to be restrained. X
You are very independent and outgoing.
You are quite intelligent. X
You tend to be impatient. X
You are easily distracted. X
You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying. X
You wish you could fly. X
You spend most of your time alone. X
You prefer nighttime over daytime. X
You like creepy things. X
You like to play tricks on people.
Black is your favorite color. X
You prefer the villains over the heroes in movies, TV shows, video games, etc.
You don't talk much. X
You are atheist.
You don't mind watching scary movies. X
You love to break the rules. X
You are very polite.
You are spiritual.
When someone is in trouble, you never hesitate to help them.
You believe everything you see or hear.
You are afraid of the dark.
You hate violence.
You hope for world peace.
You are generally a happy person.
Everyone loves to be around you.
You always follow the rules.
Results: I am... *looks back at results* Hmm... apparently I am Air... Who'd a thunk it? I thought I'd come up Dark?
I DARE YOU TO COPY AND PASTE THE QUIZ ABOVE!!!!!!!