Author has written 5 stories for Total Drama series, Sonic the Hedgehog, Digimon, My Little Pony, and Dangan Ronpa Kibou no Gakuen to Zetsubou no Koukousei.
I write fanfics! Sometimes.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy".
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 7 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. (I only pretended! It still counts though!)
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
43. Two words: "Marco Polo."
44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.
55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"
73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes
74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.
86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"
87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms. (That's just sick, so I snuck my friends dog in Walmart, and he did it! So, that counts!)
90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.
92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs.
95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).
96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended).
97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
98. Follow someone until they notice.
99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7 Up commercial.
100. Throw Skittles at people and scream "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"
101. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.'
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
I hear voices and they don't like you.
I'm not paranoid...WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
I'm not insane... I just do what the voices tell me to...
"What happens when we get to scared half to death Twice?"
You know it's gonna be a bad day when you jump out of bed, and miss the floor
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it
There's beauty in all imperfections. Learn to love them.
I say we shoot cupid.
Excerpt from a dog's diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM – Dog food for dinner! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.
Day 983 of my captivity.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage...
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
If YOU get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.
95 percent of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 percent that would shout "Jump Motherfuckers!"
If you like/love copying and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious, snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your file.
If there are times you want to annoy people just for the hell of it, copy and paste this into your file.
Copy and paste these if you are OBSESSED WITH PORTAL!
Come to the dark side... screw cookies, WE HAVE CAKE!!!
When life gives you lemons, quote Cave Johnson!
Copy and paste this if you ever tried to bounce on blue paint, run super fast on orange paint, or wondered if you could portal onto white paint.
Copy and paste if you wish you had an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.
Copy and paste if you dreamed about Aperture... then cried when you realized it was just a dream.
Copy and paste if you can practically hear GLaDOS whenever you read a warning label. (Warning:May contain peanuts. On a bag of Peanut M&Ms? Really? No shit, Sherlock! And don't look into the operational end of the device, either!)
Copy and paste if you ever told someone to go to Android Hell.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, zElDaPhAnToM-bLiNdBaNdIt-RaVeN, Koremocha, Kumori Doragon, J-Depp.Aang.Zuko, Me-RatitA and Zutara-is-evil-kataang-rules, Hidden Fairy, MississippiGirl13,Tomahawk 3.0., SkytheHawk, FeeptheNinja,theonetheonlyjabey
If YOU get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.
“Lying is the most fun a boy can have without owning a flamethrower. However, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me than just lying!”
Just found out that apparently "The Grim Reaper" Isn't a suitable costume for a Halloween party at an old peoples home, ooops my bad
Well, yesterday my devil on my right shoulder drop kicked my angel on my left shoulder... Today, the angel showed up with an AK-47...
My short term memory isn't what it used to be. Also, my short term memory isn't what it used to be.
Live like you were dying tomorrow, because if you keep annoying me, you might
-When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
-When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.
-I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
-No trespassing, violators will be shot and survivors will be shot again.
-If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
-My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.
-If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
Father:"You’re in big trouble Mister!"
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when she rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask her, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when she breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call her up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your princess.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps her and brings her to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you when your hurt.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a box of band-aids and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and say, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We messed up!"
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Man, drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!
Sugar cookies are the best!! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.
-A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.
My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, Katie-3llen,Angelz on Edge, CloudyWind732984, strangeweirdo,KaLSaR! lol! AlvinNBrittney, Sergeant Daniel, .-TsukixSoul-.-Forever-., AnimeGirl1220, FeeptheNinja,theonetheonlyjabey
93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would curiously ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, deathxbyxdawnxgurl, weasleybabe24, ga nat nat, evil older sister, Frozenfan, slygirl16, Raxacoricofallopatorius, Maethorwen of Atlantis, PaddySnuffles, AnimeGirl1220,FeeptheNinja,theonetheonlyjabey
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.
If you've actually stopped reading a story because of the terrible state of the grammar, add this to your profile.
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews, add this to your profile.
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever (almost) taken over the world, but were distracted by something shiny, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If people think you are mentally insane copy and paste this into your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing copy and paste this into your profile.
if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down
2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.
3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that
4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso
6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"
7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"
8: Dont use any punctuation
9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking
10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face
11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"
12: Sing along at the opera
13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day
15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'
16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"
17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON"
18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"
19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"
20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!
If you have the disease Arachnophobia, not the organization, copy and paste.
Copy and paste this into your profile if you copied and pasted at least one of these things into your profile.
On a bag of
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
On some frozen dinners:
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
On most brands of Christmas lights:
On a Japanese food processor:
On packet of Nobbys'
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)
1. Only in
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
3. Only in America...do drugstores
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
5. Only in America...do banks leave
6. Only in
7. Only in America...do we use
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
ThInGs To PoNdEr:
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile
I am a NINJA! (If you are a boy, you are sentence A. If you are a girl, you are sentence B.)
A. For all you know I could be hiding in the corner of your roo- OH DEAR GOD DON'T START UNDRESSING!
B. For all you know I could be hiding in the corner of your roo- Woah! Hmm... proceed...
I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.
Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it.
If all else fails, try reading the instructions.
I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying 'you can't fire me, I quit!'
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
"As I laid in bed, looking up at the stars, one thought crossed my mind...WHERE THE HECK WAS THE CEILING!?"
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a life time commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
Tell your children (or someone) over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go.'
1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which you are!
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
I ran with scissors, and lived!
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
I agree with the dictionary. girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.
"Doctors say I have multiple personalties. We disagree with that."
"When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did."
"When life gives you lemons, chuck them at the people you hate."
"It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with."
"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do,kill me?"
" Life isn't about how many breathes you take, It's about how many moments that take your breath away"
"One day your life will flash before your eyes, so make sure that it's worth watching."
Put this in your profile if you know a person or two who needs to get squished by a bus... or Tyler Crowley's van
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together."
"Education is important, school however, is another matter."
"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more."
"Don’t mess with me I've got a stick."
"If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving."
"Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't."
"I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either."
"1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you."
"Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls."
"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped."
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over."
"You know your addicted when Underland is added to your computer dictionary."
"Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door."
"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."
"I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on."
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.XP
50 OR SO AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU!!
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG??” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!”
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early."
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 4th Grader and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am retarded’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!!"
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!!"
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end with a heart!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. Oh my god. Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I do? Miss/Sir you have to help me! Oh god. They must have found the body! HELP!"
59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!"
60. If you find a pencil on the floor, jump onto a desk, hold up the pencil, and yell, "LITTERING IS WRONG!! WHOEVER DROPPED THIS MUST BE PUNISHED!!" Then run around the room singing in a foreign language.
BONUS FROM KAISER
61. Say, "Why don't YOU answer it? Why don't YOU write a 12 page essay about it? Why don't YOU waste precious moments of your childhood reading out of a 3000 page book!?"
62. Backwards homework your of all type.
63. Speak like Captain Kirk.
64. Act like your talking on a cellphone. When the teacher calls your name about it, speak into the cellphone, "One second. Some jackass up front of the room keeps talking."
65. If your teacher's phone rings in class, put a note on their desk saying they have Saturday Detention as you walk out.
66. TI-84 calculators have games built in. Pretend to (or actually) play video games on it through a good amount of class, then yell "HIGH SCORE BITCHES!" randomly while jumping out of your seat.
67. If, and only if you think you can pull this off, turn the ENTIRE classroom around (i.e. teacher's desk, student desks, maybe decorations...).
68. Turn the wall clock ahead 5 minutes every time the teacher walks out.
69. When a teacher asks a question, pretend cough like you're going to say the answer during the pretend cough, but don't and just yell it after doing so.
70. Come into class singing "Chacarron Macarron".
71. Two words: bubble wrap.
72. Come in late and say either: A. "Chuck Norris said that you're always on time if you're there." B. "MR. T TELLS YOU WHEN HE'S LATE FOO!"
73. Come in your underwear and say you're "having one of those dreams again."
74. If it smells like somebody farted and someone else notices, or the fart is audible, yell in a superficial voice, "Commandment Eleven: He who smelt it, dealt it."
75a. If a teacher asks a question and somebody else raises their hand before you, yell, "NO! IT IS MY TURN! YOU WAIT! YOU WAIT YOUR TURN! BAD !"
75b. If a teacher asks a question and only one person raises their hand, yell, "NO! YOU PUT YOUR HAND DOWN! YOU DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER!"
76. Raise your hand and answer, "Nobody cares." nonchalantly.
77. If a teacher walks up to you, repeatedly yell "STRANGER DANGER".
78. If they say that you KNOW they aren't a stranger, reply with,"Well you're sure as Hell stranger than Fiction."
79. If anybody, even the teacher, looks over your shoulder to read what you're writing, slam your fist on the table ad yell, "IS NOTHING SACRED!?"
80. yp3 u$!\6 _33 ("Type using Leet" or "typE uSiNG LEEt" to be specifi
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going
2. My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up,
4. My mother taught me LOGIC " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at that dirt
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER "This room of yours looks as if
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like
15. My mother taught me about ENVY " There are millions of less
16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION "Just wait until we get
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING "You are going to get it when
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing
19. My mother taught me ESP "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
20. My mother taught me HUMOR "When that lawn mower cuts off your
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT "If you don't eat your
22. My mother taught me GENETICS "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS "Shut that door behind you. Do
24. My mother taught me WISDOM "When you get to be my age, you'll
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
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