Author has written 4 stories for Call of Duty, and My Little Pony.
Ah, didn't see you come in. I'm the Turd. Yes, it's an unusual name, but there is a very interesting story behind it:
In the game Ace Combat 04: Shattered Skies, each plane had three different paint jobs: the first was the default scheme, the second was obtained by getting an S-rank on a certain mission, and the third was received when you shot down a named enemy pilot hidden in each mission. One paint job stood out from the others: it was the S-rank Eurofighter Typhoon. It was, what I'll call "Dog Crap Brown" with a tan underside. I thought it looked ridiculous and named it "the Flying Turd." I used it as an "Ace Hunter" to shoot down the named pilots. I regularly "told" the pilots to "Fear the Turd" and shortened my plane's name to "The Turd," or sometimes, after blowing the crap out of something, "Turdy." But it's story doesn't end there. In the last level, you need to destroy a missile facility named "Megalith" by flying through three tunnels to destroy some generators then fly into its central silo to destroy the big missile in it. Protecting the facility were fifteen Yellow Squadron aircraft. They are your enemy's finest pilots. North of the base was my target: an S-37 pilot with the name "Smirnova." Until then, I had never engaged the Yellow Squadron there, fearing imminent death. Usually, I simply hit the afterburners and flew past them. And on that day, that was my plan, since I started the mission south of the base. As I sped north, the first five Yellows appeared on my HUD. I didn't think much of it at first, but at the last moment, I decided to switch to my XLAA's, long range air-to-air missiles that could lock-on to up to four enemies at once. Four of the yellows lit up in red, and I fired. Normally firing XLAA's at fighters was a waste of time: You had to keep all four targets in your HUD and they didn't maneuver as well as normal missiles. I only fired just to see what would happen. I was shocked to see all four Yellows I targeted disappear from the radar. Overjoyed by my unexpected victory, I changed my plans: Eliminate the Yellow squadron, then kill Smirnova. And I did just that. When I got Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War about a year or so later, I was more that ready to take down whatever my enemies threw at me. That is the reason why I call myself Turdy: it was the aircraft that turned me from a timid little nugget who panicked at any enemy pilot into an ace ready and willing to take on a whole Air Force.
Wasn't that a great story?
Recently, I played Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation and took down Estovakia's Aerial Fleet (consisting of a super-sized flying aircraft carrier, two electronic support aircraft, and two anti-air aircraft) in an A-10 Thunderbolt II. The A-10 can be armed with Fuel-Air Explosive Bombs (FAEBs). these are easily the biggest bombs in the game and two well placed ones can destroy the smaller flying ships. as an end result of my victory (I was stuck for Two days!), I've switched my preferred aircraft to the most badass ground attack aircraft ever built, The A-10 "Turderbolt" II.
Currently working on:
A Splendid little Fanfic (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
And then there were Five (Nazi Zombies)
The Turd's Future Plans:
1. Stranded in The Giant [Done]
2. And then there were Five (Sequel to SITG) [In progress]
3. Once More, With Feeling! (Sequel to AttwF, taking place in Kino Der Toten)
4. Under New Management (Sequel to OM,WF!, taking place in Ascension)
5. Roadtrip to Paradise (Sequel to UNM, taking place throughout Eastern Europe and Call of the Dead)
6. Unamed sequel to RtP (taking place in Shangri-La)
7. Dave... IN SPACE! (taking place...well, where do you think? )
8. A Splendid Little Fanfic (My Little Pony Collab with Michael Blackburn) [IN PROGRESS]
9. A Splendid Little Wedding (sequel to ASLF)
10. A Splendid Little War (Sequel to ASLW)
11. Some Splendid Little One-shots (Sequel to ASLWar)
12. Dreaming (My Little Pony fanfic)
13. Unamed human in Equestria fanfic with a WWI pilot)
14. The Skyraiders of Solo Island (Ace Combat)
15. Patton the Military Engine (Thomas the Tank Engine. Yes, THAT Thomas the Tank Engine! Shut up.)
17. Unnamed Transformers Movie Fanfic
18. Like a Tiger (Transformers Prime fanfic)
19. Stories from Cybertron (Transformers fanfic featuring one-shots not focusing on main characters from various authors, )
20. Unnamed Halo Fanfic starring me! (from Reach to Mombasa, The Ark and Blood Gulch, if you get what I mean.)
Dropped Projects (things I have decided not to do due to lack of interest. See me if interested)
1. Wei Ein Floh (My Little Pony: Friendship is magic) Two chapters done, but dropped due to publishing issues on Fimfiction
2. Unnamed Ace Combat - Star Wars crossover (With Halo to help it make sense. Sorta...)
3. Feet First into Avatar (Halo - Avatar:TLA crossover)
Guess what? The Turd now has a Tumblr!(Don't bother nowadays. I've forgotten the password and I'm to lazy to get a new one.)
And now he has an account at Deviantart!
He's also on Fimfiction as well!
1. Who is your favorite Naruto character(s)? - None of 'em.
2. What is your favorite pairing(s)? - I don't want any of them to reproduce.
3. Are you a Naruto yaoi or hentai fan? - Fuck no!
4. Ever cosplayed Naruto characters? If so, who, where and how many times? - Never.
6. Have you ever felt that you were destined to be with a Naruto character? If so, who? - No. If so, no one.
7. NaruHina or KibaHina? - What does this mean?
8. SasuSaku or SasuNaru? - Seriously, What the fuck does this mean?
9. Which team is your favorite? Team 7 or Team Gai? - Seal Team Six.
10. Do you support the obito theory? (Tobi=Obito) - Um, I support the single bullet theory?
12. Your favorite Akatsuki member? - What is the A-Cat Suzuki again?
13. Are you Pro-Sasuke or Anti-Sasuke? - Um, I'm... Pro-life?
15. Have you read all the chapters so far? - Chapters of, what exactly? I'm probably not going to read any of them, but still.
16. Do you believe Naruto has ADD? - Oh, don't even get me started...
17. Sub or dub? - Subway is one of favorite resturants, but I like Quizno's even more.
18. Pro-Sakura or Anti-Sakura? - Anti-depressant.
19. Tobi = Annoying or funny? - I don't really remember any of the characters. Was he the fat one?
20. Do you even know who Tobi is? - Wow, this one's easy! No.
22. Which character would be the best crossdresser? - Why the hell would I want to know?
23. Rock Lee = Weird or Awesome? - Wait, he's some sort of Bruce Lee wanna-be, right? (that's what I get from the name)
24. Which character would be best OOC? Who and how? - I could care less.
25. Do you like Naruto fanfics? - Just. One.
26. Do you write Naruto fanfics? - No and I have no plans to.
28. Do your parents know about the Naruto characters? - They barely comprehend the internet, now you expect them to understand anything from Japan?
31. Have you ever gotten someone else hooked on Naruto? - Nope, I intend to do the opposite!
33. Have you ever been in class drawing Naruto and the teacher came up to you and said 'WTF is this?'- Niet!
34. Has Naruto affected your school life and grades?- No. A lot of other things have, though...
35. Are you broke thanks to Naruto? - Yes, I am broke, but it is NOT because of Naruto.
36. Do you want to read Icha Icha Paradise? - Sounds freaky. I'll pass.
37. Do you support the 'Yondaime is the Akatsuki Leader' theory? - Again, I can't even pronounce it!
38. Do you draw Naruto fanart? If so, count how many there are in your gallery? - I only draw planes, with the occasion tank and ship, and the very occasional locomotive.
39. Is Sasuke still sexy in his second stage of the cursed seal? - I am not gay!
40. Do you have a Naruto OC? - Nope.
41. Looking back at some of your answers, do you think Naruto has taken over your life? - No. Quite the opposite. In fact, I only took this quiz so I could write my ridiculous answers.
My Bucket list:
-Fire an A-10 Thunderbolt II's GAU-8 Avenger Gatling gun.
-Ride on the footplate of Union Pacific 844.
-Own a helicopter.
-Mount a train horn on my car.
-Drive a tank into a tornado.
-Build a midget submarine complete with a torpedo.
-Build a Playstoaster (like a Nintoaster, but with a Playstation 2)
-Visit China to see the last of their steam locomotives.
-Single-handedly start a war.
-Create my own country
-Cause the Yellowstone supervolcano to erupt.
Own a small air force's worth of war planes.
"Copy and Paste if you..." Yadda, Yadda, Yadda...
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
Abortion is murder, if you strongly believe that, copy and paste it into your profile
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off.
If you think the Rabbit should either kill the kids who won't give him trix, or transform them into something other than 'kids' copy and paste this into your profile.
If Lord Mandalore has made you laugh, ever. Copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...
If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you become annoyed easily by bad 'yo mama' jokes, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 of the Internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile
90 of teens today would die if Myspace had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile
If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless (but fun), and you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.
If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God- forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, 2wingo, Dannyphantomfreeek, xXPeaceBabesXx, Turdy1.
If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you're weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a four letter word, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
IIf you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.
If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.
If you know (a) video game characters (b) or video game weapon(s) that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.
1A: Hi! What's your real name and nickname?
Uh, I'm Airman First class David M. Jordan, but most people just call me Dave. When I'm flying, I go by Hammer 4, 'cause it's my callsign, and on a rare occasion, Zippy, 'cause that's what I named my plane.
1B: What's your gender?
2. Interesting... what's your current age?
I am 23 years old as of September 19, 1962.
3. Uh huh. What's your favorite food?
Favorite food...uh...well, I had some kinda sausage while I was in Germany that was pretty damn good.
4. And your favorite drink?
Root Beer. I don't drink regular beer, and the rest of the squadron teases me about it.
5. Confession time! Who's your crush/lover?
uh...well...there was this one girl in high school, but then I joined the Air Force and I didn't see her again. Now, I guess I got a little crush on Samantha, but she did save my ass a couple times after all.
6. Aww! Have you two kissed yet?
Sadly, I left for the Air Force before I could hit it off with her.
7. Classic question! What's your favorite color?
I gotta say...Orange.
8. Who's your favorite author?
I don't know. I don't do much reading.
9. Now what's your biggest fear?
I'd have to say, probably dying a slow, painful death.
10A: Have an embarrassing experience in your past?
Uh, I've had plenty. Like this one time when I was in flight school, I mistook the radio light for the fuel light...
10B: Any Siblings?
Oh, I got a little brother named Gary. He wants to join the Air Force like his big brother, but I think he'd be better off in the Coast Guard.
11. Who's your hero?
I'd have to say my dad. He was a PBY Catalina Co-pilot in World War II
12. Okay, who is your worst enemy?
Well, I don't know. The Soviet Union? Zombies?
13. What would you do if your hero and your worst enemy got together?
I don't think that would happen, but I would hate it if my dad became a zombie.
14. Interesting... what would you do if you met your creator?
Uh...I've met my parents...
15. Okay, I'll contact them right now. Done! Now, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Wait, what? Well, I'm already grown up and I'm a pilot in the United Sates Air Force.
16. What's your worst nightmare?
Oh, there was this one time when I was little, there was this HUGE thunderstorm, I had nightmares for about a week.
17. What's your lifelong dream?
Oh, to become an ace pilot in the skies over Vietnam.
18. What would you do if your lifelong dream came true?
There'd be some kinda small party at whatever base I'm at, we'd go to sleep, and then be back in the skies the next day.
19A. Okay, where's your favorite place to relax?
Well, the woods near my house are pretty peaceful, until a train rolls by. But I gotta say, there's something magical about the sound of a long coal drag struggling up the grade.
Oh, and the Azores were pretty nice, even if I was only there for a few hours.
19B: Favorite music?
I don't know, whatever the guys in my squad have on hand.
19C: Do you have any friends?
I got plenty of friends from high school, even if I almost never see them. There's also the guys in the squadron.
20. Last question! What do you spend most of your time doing?
Usually cracking jokes with the rest of the squad.
Unsafe External Link