Smelly Pirate Hooker
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Joined 01-05-11, id: 2689889, Profile Updated: 06-26-12
Author has written 2 stories for Bible.

Contrary to popular belief I do not hail from the mystical land of Whore Island. I believe in being co-people, not just co-workers, but more than that I believe in supporting my fellow Visigoths (long story). I love a man who owns leather books, sings thinly-veiled songs about sexual activity in the midle of the day, and wears Sex Panther cologne. It's made with bits of real panther so 60% of the time it works every time. I like to hang with Dorothy Mantooth because she is a saint. And I always, always think that milk is a bad choice on a hot summer day.

If you read my stories, please post a review, even if it's negative. Since writing shouldn't take place in a bubble feedback is the best way to grow, to learn, and to connect with readers. Though my moniker suggests otherwise I am neither a pirate nor am I smelly. But I will write more for reviews, so I suppose the third part of my name might be true in a purely literary sense.

Random fact: I absolutely give a @*#! about the Oxford comma.

Update: I am taking a short break from my stories to finish another project.

However, I have a longer, original piece of fiction that I am publishing on the sister site, Fictionpress, under the same name I use here. This story has been completed for a long time so I'll be posting regularly, probably Mondays and Thursdays, and it is a complete 180 from what I've written here. So if you're up for a change pay me a visit and leave a review and I promise to respond.

I also have a blog at www(dot)highschoolpoetryslam(dot)com where I recount my high school experience through my old journals and [painfully bad] poetry. It is currently on hiatus but there is still a wealth of barely-focused angst and unintentional hilarity there for general consumption.

Thank you for your time and your presence on my profile. You stay classy, world.

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Tarkin's Fist Episode III The Earth Strikes Back by AshlaTi reviews
The third act of the epic Earth-Empire War. Both planets will be brought to their knees. Remember droids don't care if you review but a wookiee will rip your arms off if you don't leave one
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 8 - Words: 62,302 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 4/6 - Published: 11/30/2013
The Thirteenth Rider by HachimansKitsune reviews
Sarah dreams of the Labyrinth and being chased by a rider in black. Jareth dreams of claiming the queen who once escaped him. Sometimes fairy tales come true, but there is always a price. The Wild Hunt is coming - but who is the hunter and who is the prey
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 75,444 - Reviews: 872 - Favs: 346 - Follows: 490 - Updated: 12/24/2013 - Published: 2/12/2012 - Jareth, Sarah
Something by secooper87 reviews
SEQUEL to "Nothing". When Buffy's launched into the future, she discovers that everything that's happened to her - from the Trio of Hell to the Initiative - is caused by the events unfolding centuries in the future. Buffy and the Doctor fight for their lives, as the Daleks' trap closes.
Crossover - Buffy: The Vampire Slayer & Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 36 - Words: 86,665 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 11/17/2012 - Published: 9/11/2012 - Buffy S., 11th Doctor - Complete
Nothing by secooper87 reviews
The Doctor's trapped in the Initiative, a top secret government agency run by the US military. But why hasn't he escaped, yet, and who put him there? Doctor Whump.
Crossover - Buffy: The Vampire Slayer & Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 49 - Words: 119,938 - Reviews: 258 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 7/7/2012 - Published: 5/16/2012 - Riley F., 10th Doctor - Complete
The Before by FallingStarXan reviews
An enemy of the Doctor locks the TARDIS in reverse, sending it back before the Big Bang. Full story contains an epic countdown, unfashionable suits, TARDIS eyecandy, and more. ON HIATUS. Also, don't read this unless you're just curious about my progress as a writer.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 17 - Words: 34,843 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 2/22/2012 - Published: 10/15/2011 - 10th Doctor, TARDIS
The Great Awakening by Squishie reviews
After two thousands years, the gods are returning to their ancient glory but they have no idea how it happened or why. They must now regroup, rebuild and discover what happened to them to make sure it never happens again. Reviews appreciated!
Greek Mythology - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Drama - Chapters: 46 - Words: 129,244 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 1/1/2012 - Published: 7/27/2010 - Complete
What You Are by northern.poet reviews
AU from "Becoming" onward. When Angel is killed just before getting his soul, Drusilla, his "next of kin," becomes the new vessel, and everything the Scooby gang thought they knew about souls and vampires is turned upside down.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 36,691 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 6/14/2011 - Published: 1/28/2011 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
The Cohen Collection by Clodius Pulcher reviews
Now in Vienna there's ten pretty women... A crossover, of sorts. Aziraphale learns how to waltz, badly; Crowley takes the former Sister Mary Loquacious to see something in an abandoned gallery; and Death's had a bad day at the office.
Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,377 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 5/23/2011 - Published: 12/28/2010 - War, Aziraphale
Ineffable Inevitable by AngeloftheOdd reviews
Crowley/Aziraphale slash. After averting Doomsday, Crowley ponders his purpose in the grand scheme of things. PG-13, fluff, humour.
Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,524 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/1/2010 - A. Crowley, Aziraphale - Complete
West of the Moon, East of the Sun by KnifeEdge reviews
Every night it's the same dream: a dark room, a big bed, and a silent vampire I can't see... Set in an AU Season 5 with no Glory or Dawn B/S. Rating has gone up.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 76 - Words: 376,650 - Reviews: 1526 - Favs: 924 - Follows: 194 - Updated: 9/29/2010 - Published: 6/17/2010 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
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The Garden reviews
A story involving a guy, a couple of chicks, some angels, and a Serpent. There's always a bloody Serpent.
Bible - Rated: M - English - Parody/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 13 - Words: 48,737 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/8/2012 - Published: 9/28/2011 - Michael, Satan - Complete
The Creation reviews
A humorous "behind the scenes" look at the events surrounding the creation. Reviews absolutely appreciated.
Bible - Rated: T - English - Parody/Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 31,569 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 5/29/2011 - Published: 1/15/2011 - Complete