Author has written 5 stories for Naruto, and Hetalia - Axis Powers.
Hi. Name's Bri. I write stuff sometimes.
Updating of stories will be pretty random because I don't understand the meaning of a schedule.
Enjoy your stay.
(I've deleted all of my old Naruto fanfictions, because I'm out of that fandom and I probably won't ever update them again. Sorry.)
Favorite Quotes From Fanfictions:
"You and your fucking stars." - General Relativity, a USCan/CanUS fanfiction on livejournal
"I feel so gay," America laments, gripping the tiny teacup handle as delicately as he can (he refuses to do that 'pinky up' bullshit). "Now all we need is some gay biscuits, and pink dresses, and this can be a right splendid tea party." America says the last bit with a horrible imitation of England's accent. Canada pats his shoulder in a mock show of sympathy, relieved that the threat of a fight seems to have passed. "Embrace the gay, Alfie," is Canada's soothing advice, "embrace the gay." "… Gay Bacon Strips?" Canada giggles into his tea, and accidentally inhales some of the liquid. A vindictive smile crosses America's face, as Canada breaks into a couching fit; he slaps Canada's back a little harder than necessary. Meanwhile England just looks confused, and a little left out." - Of Current Events and Stupid SiblingThings by Product Of A Sick Society
"It was around nine by the time Alfred finally decided to go to the gym; Matthew had been gone for almost an hour and he had already received one stoned text - the first of what would undoubtedly be many - from the Canuck describing why the Pythagorean Theorem was amazing and why it should be applied to everything possible, like cooking pasta and adding maple syrup to it would be really good and fuck it all he wanted a pet polar bear so he cou- and then the word count, thankfully, ran out. Matthew Williams, stoned, was probably one of the greatest things ever." - Part Right, Half Wrong, a Third Crazy by Save the Rave
"Dude, I'm not sure I could ever love moose and drag my ass as much as you, 'kay?" - Alfred F. Jones, Hetalia: World Series
“Britain. Formerly a pirate, but now a rather effeminate, yet gentlemanly empire with a plethora of rain. France is a long-time acquaintance, who he’s often found bickering with, for bickering’s sake. However, in their heart of hearts, they love each other. Sexually.” - Tanslator, Hetalia: Pant It White
"Look, I'm Canada! You can tell by the flag on my backpack, my cheap prescriptions, and my lack of gun crime! So kindly stop calling me America or I'll kindly request you cease!" - Matthew Williams, Hetalia: Axis Powers
"Have I told you how fuckable you are to me right now? Seriously, everybody should have a sister like you." - Panty, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt
"God just didn't design your brain for thinking, did he? Either that, or he put your brain in your clit..." - Stocking, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt
"The 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign policy back." - Barack Obama
"At least one member of the orchestra will forget to change the key with everyone else. Consequently, they will be playing the loudest." - Unknown
-23 Steps to Writing Good (It's actually 22 as there is no #13)
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
In New York:
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.
Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".
Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 PM.
Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
It is illegal to sell your children.
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
Signs are required to be written in English.
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
in South Dakota:
No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk.
Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM.
Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
Dancing is strictly prohibited.
It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
A milk man may not run while on duty.
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
You may not fish on a camel's back.
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.
The value of Pi is 3.
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
No one may throw an old computer across the street at their neighbor.
If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
Hitting a vending machine that stole your money is illegal.
No one may wear a bee in their hat.
No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night.
If you see a Mormon you are allowed to shoot them on sight
Forty-Six laws of Anime:
Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito
1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.
2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversely proportional to its size.
15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.
18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...
22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.
36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.
44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives
America is more than just an idiot, and he is more complex than the world gives him credit for.
Do not stereotype us or hate us just because you don't like someone who's different than you.
He's a superpower for a reason. (We made the Soviet Union back down in Cuba!)
America is the melting pot of nations. (Who else can say that?) (New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco...)
We're still the only country to have put people on the Moon. (After 40 years!) (Fuck Russia's rover!)
If America falls, everyone else does too. (Hello, we buy/sell 1/4 of the world's resources!)
We invented Star Trek, which in turn led to the invention of a lot of the stuff we use today.
We know more about World History than the world knows about US History.
Why do more than a million people move to the US each year if we're such a terrible place?
Alfred F. Jones is fucking awesome, period.
Please post this in your profile if you agree, and add your name. Lapis Lazuli Ichigo, Ashynarr, Yukiko-hime
Canada is not invisible; he is a bad-ass and even his brother knows it.
Just because Britain took credit for a lot of Canada's efforts doesn't mean he wasn't there.
Canada is the only Nation that America completely trusts to watch his back.
Canada invented walkie-talkies, Standard Time, pagers, telephones, jetliners, electric wheelchairs, prosthetic hands, the gas mask, sonar, basketball, IMAX, insulin, electron microscopes, G-suits, plexiglass, garbage bags, alkaline batteries, cardiac pacemakers, electric ovens, kerosene, egg cartons, snowmobiles, paint rollers, wood pulp paper, peanut butter, and, of course, ice hockey. Eat it bitches!
Canada has defeated the United States before. It was called the War of 1812 and it culminated in the White House being burned down by Canadian, not British troops. America is still embarrassed by it and skims over it in history classes.
Canada became an organized country in 1867 but did not gain his full independence until 1982. It was done quietly and without any bloodshed... unlike his brother.
Canada was in both World Wars from the beginning and contributed far more to the war effort than his brother.
They have free healthcare. And they've legalized marijuana and gay marriage.
Vimy Ridge - Germany is still afraid of Canada because of the ass-kicking he got from that.
Matthew Williams is amazing, and don't you forget it!
Please post this in your profile if you agree, and add your name. Ashynarr, Yukiko-hime
Two Cow Explanation
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
Unsafe External Link