About Me: don't worry about it
Favorite Manga/Anime - Naruto, Black Lagoon, Fullmetal Alchemist, Full Metal Panic!
Favorite Naruto Characters
1. Jiraiya - I don't care what anyone says about Madera or all the other lame-ass dojutsu shinobi out there but the fact is that Jiraiya is simply the most badass ninja in the entire elemental nations. Why? He survived 2 shinobi wars and didn't need lame ass bloodline limits or a clan or any of that shit. He survived on sheer kickass. His only special ability is Sage Mode and he doesn't abuse it like a chump and he has actual ninja skills. Because the other "S-ranked" ninja all need some fucking forbidden jutsu to be badass and thats really why they suck. Jiraiya uses some summoning and regular elemental jutsu and kicks ass all the other guys need like fucking thousand year old legendary dojutsus and fucking sharingan the cheapest blood-limit out there but Jiraiya still fights with the best of them. Lastly, Jiraiya is the only one of the sannin and a good portion of the other ninja's that understand that people die unlike Orochimaru that wants to learn every fucking jutsu or Madera that wants to rule the world, nope Jiraiya has an actual non-crazy goal for people that doesn't end in him ruling the world.
2. Itachi - He's the biggest baddest badass of them all, 'Nuff said.
3. Danzo - He's a often misunderstood person, until Masashi Kishimoto says "hey lets take a guy that can be portrayed as 'grey' and just fuck him over and make if the worst of the worst". Because the way that I view him is that he fulfills an important role in the village hidden in the leaves because he acts and man who does what has to be done. Unlike a certain orange shinobi that can't do shit.
I think that the Yondaime shouldn't of been so proud of Naruto because lets face it, he's a fucking retard. He goes on a training trip with Jiraiya and he still sucks ass. This is the guy that taught the Yellow Flash and he goes on a training trip and learns nothing at all. He leaves with like 4 jutsu and the comes back with 4 jutsu. He learns nothing! Sasuke goes to Orochimaru and becomes a S-Ranked badass but Naruto goes out and becomes a E-Ranked lame ass. He only beat Pain because he has the fucking therapy no jutsu that has the abiliity to turn kickass into weeping heart little bitches. For example, he takes Pain from a kick ass six dude hive mind to a fucking cripple angsty little bitch. What the Yondaime should of said was like-
"well ... we're all fucked. Your're a fucking dipshit bleeding heart pacifist shinobi that can't kill anyone. Peace is good and all but you can't just go around beating the shit out of everyone without killing them because lets face it, a dead enemy isn't going to totally fuck up your day, look at the shodaime he was the bad ass that captured all of the bijuu but he didn't properly kill fucking madra uchiha and now look at the problems we have now, and what the fuck is up with your ranking when I was your age I was a jonin, your just a fucking genin, a lame ass one at that with shitty taijustu and 4 jutsu that two of which are academy level ones one is an A-rank that you copied from be like a bitch ass uchiha and the last is fucking summoning and that doesn't even require skill it just need fucking chakra and thanks to me, you had a whole shitload of that but, noooooooo I'm not going to learn any jutsu on a fucking 2.5 year long training trip, no I'm gonna be a little bitch and not learn anything. Fuck, I thought you would be out there kicking ass by now but your like a fucking 16 years old and still a genin with shit for brains and a huge ass hole in your ninja skills. I have seen your "skills" and to be honest they fucking suck, every one of your battles involves self sacrifice or one of your dipshit teammate to come bail your ass out like a bitch. A team is all good and all but in reality you have to have SKILLS!!! You've got great ablitys in insipiring people but your skills honestly suck, and don't even get me started on your fucking clothing choices, I mean you get to wear kill-me-orange when you have the shit to back it up, and what about your fucking lady skills you sicken me. When I was your age I was picking up the ladies left and right but you fucking suck, you look like me but you wear the shittiest clothes ever, you don't get to wear fucking bright colors till you can kick ass, and you can't. Gah! Talking to you just fucking pisses me off, I was the most kickass shinobi and I could pick up chicks like nobody's buisness (look at your mom) but you pop out and your like the fucking shittest shinobi I've ever seen with no lady skills and not taste, I mean fucking Sakura come on man you had like 15 chicks willing the get it on with you and your just like," uuhhhhhhh...". Fuck..." *sobs* "all I wanted is my son to be a modertly good shinobi not a fucking asswipe... "*sobs*"... you are the fucking son of the Yellow flash and yet you still suck..."
If you look at seals in Naruto they seem to the most reality bending shit ever. For example, the dead demon consuming seal can seal the kyuubi by summoning the shinigami but it can't seal Orochimaru. Bullshit. Namikaze Minato sealed the fucking kyuubi a sentient mass of chakra that defeated the strongest hidden village like a toddler kicking the shit out of a fucking sand castle but Sarutobi could do jack shit against another shinobi, bullshit. The kyuubi is a fucking bijuu not a S-ranked missing nin, they kyuubi is the baddest motherfucking badass in the fucking elemental nations and Orochimaru is like the bitch of S-ranked nuke-nins. Hell, the God of Shinobi would be the laughing stock of the shinigami's stomach. I could imagine the conversation now:
Yondaime - "So Sandaime who did you die sealing?"
'"If then pen is mightier than the sword, then why are actions louder than words?'~ Two of the most contradicting yet overused statements ever to be created."- Grimstep 5
"It was just ink on paper (or a stomach, as the case may be), and it held so much power… Yeah, Naruto decided, I gotta get me some of that." - May Wren
"The War. The humans, I think, knew they were doomed. Where another race would surrender to despair, the humans fought back with greater strength. They made the Minbari fight for every inch of space. In my life, I have never seen anything like it; They would weep, they would pray, they would say goodbye to their loved ones, and then throw themselves without fear or hesitation at the very face of death itself, never surrendering. No one who saw them fighting against the inevitable could help but be moved to tears by their courage. Their stubborn nobility. When they ran out of ships, they used guns, when they ran out guns they used knives and sticks and bare hands. They were magnificent. I only hope that when it is my time, I may die with half as much dignity as I saw in their eyes in the end. They did this for two years they never ran out of courage but in the end, they ran out of time." - Londo Mollari
"I simply remembered. Every time I ruin his life, he gives me this wounded look, exactly like that of a retarded puppy you've just kicked, who looks at you with hurt and surprise because it has forgotten the last time you kicked it, but dimly starts to recall that you have kicked it before, and that you will kick it again." He paused. "I treasure that look." - Nugar, Ask Me No Questions
"We do not ask to be given our rights: anything which is given can likewise be retracted, and is therefore only a privilege. The only rights we hold are those which we secure for ourselves." - DSK7723
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing When To Come In Out Of The Rain; why The Early Bird Gets The Worm; Life Isn't Always Fair; and 'Maybe It Was My Fault'.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn and if you borrow it, you will have to pay it back) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. He teetered on the brink when teachers were no longer allowed to use the word 'failure' and were instead instructed to use the phrase 'deferred success'.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and said burglar could sue you for assault if you did.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
He will be missed.
Imagine that there is a fictional world where people an harness power within their bodies and it allows for them to perform fantastical skills. These skills are based on the 12 zodiac symbols that correspond to different flows for this internal power with allows you to do certain techniques. Within these techniques there are 5 main elements and 121 possible subelements. Also, these elements have a sort of rock paper scissors relationship where fire --> wind --> lighting --> earth --> water --> fire. Then to add to it, only certain blood limits allow for the blending of elements for example wind + fire would equal ice, also with the blending blood lines there are other blood lines that for example allow for 359 degree vision or for to use bones as weapons.
Then within this fictional world there is the backdrop of these "demons" that are made purely out of this energy and that can be sealed into people giving them higher stamina and even more energy and turning them into essentially into the "nukes" of this world.
So the people of this world have organized themselves into this quasi-feudal system of special forces and standard forces under both a leader of the special forces and a leader of the standard forces in a sort of mutual relationship where the leader of the standard forces provides the money and the leader of the special forces provides the attack.
Finally, there are 5 main countries that are named after the 5 main elements and thus specialize in each element that are named after. Within these countries they have "hidden villages" that exist solely for training these special forces for combat. Now with the big guys down, these 5 big villages are surrounded by many small villages and one single "neutral village" that has no standard special forces but is like the switzerland of the normal world.
Now with the general idea down, these countries exist in a constant state of cold war with 5 different countries that all have huge problems with each other and have fought 3 separate huge conflicts with deaths with each other and exist in an uneasy state of tension with one village nominally in the front because of their strength, but the other 4 are constantly jockeying to beat out the number 1 and become number one.
Now what do you do with the beautifully constructed world???
Why you destroy it. You take out all of the possible political intrigue and simplify everything into easily digestible chunks with clear "bad guys" and "good guys" and you make the entire world from a beautifully constructed idea into a farce. There is no grey morality. There is no moral questions.
This is Naruto.
Imagine that you live in a small village hidden in the leaves. This village is a relatively large village with an average amount of buildings and people no more than 50k. This city has no buildings above 5 stories except for the city hall.
But, this isn't a normal city, this is the home and training village of you countries entire military and special forces. They live amongst you and you see them every day. They seem like normal people it's just that they kill each other. In fact, every leader of your small village has served in the military and has advanced to the top of this military. The government is in effect a military dictatorship. But, it's been that way for as long as the village has been around and it doesn't seem like a problem.
However, at the same time your village is part of a cold war that has been going on with 4 other different villages at the same time and your village has been lucky enough to get through the last 3 world wars intact. In essence, you are the United States of villages. You've had a big role in the last three wars and you've come out on top, no enemy has ever come to your home and fought on your land. You exist because the forces of your village fought and died in some foreign land so that violence would never visit your streets.
In the midst of this every year, young children starting at age 8 go off and go to school where they ostensibly learn to kill and fight when other children are learning reading and writing and playing. When these children turn 12 they go off and apprentice under veteran soldiers to learn to fight and kill and eventually lead troops to fight in battle fields you've never even heard of so that they can keep the status quo.
And that's just during peace time during the wars there were children as young as 5 going off and fighting grown men to protect your village. There are people who are molded using demons and esoteric disciplines to turn them into weapons for war, the equivalent of nukes. During the last war, your leader single handedly killed more than 20k people in the span of a couple of years. In fact, our village has only been around for 50 years or so and has already fought in 3 different world wars.
Fast forward to present time, 12 year ago a huge demon came and killed more that half of your villages soldiers and it is only through the sacrifice of your leader was it sealed away, made into a weapon. Only your weapon isn't fully trained, it can't be fielded in battle, it is an unusable deterrent. At the same time on of your neighbors has two supremely trained weapons and seems to be gearing up for war. Another has a life long grudge against your and is trying to kill you. One is technically supposed to be your ally but is preparing to invade your. And the last one is in a Holocaust style genocide against their own troops that is threatening to spill onto your land. That is even considering the smaller villages like the village hidden in the rain that is the equivalent of north korea but is controlled by the strongest soldier alive and is directly on your border a small 5 day walk away from you.
In this village you are constantly under fear of attack and your leader is a weak old man who is past his prime who is constantly bowing to other leader in a futile hope for appeasement. The only thing seemingly holding your village together is an old man named Danzo who controls a secret paramilitary branch that is the only thing keeping the village alive.
This is Konoha, the setting of Naruto.