Golden Keyblade
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Joined 01-17-11, id: 2708639, Profile Updated: 03-02-15
Author has written 12 stories for Calvin & Hobbes, Kingdom Hearts, Minecraft, Pikmin, My Little Pony, and Dragon Ball Z.

News: I done goofed again.

So the promised Calvin's Quest never materialized. I'm working on it, I swear. In the meantime, you'll probably have some Ponyball Z Abridged in the near future, so that can tide you over.


Sentences I never thought I'd hear:

1) "Not in front of the fox; he's with the owl!" - Sokka (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
2) "Zuko, I think the past is trying to kill me!" - Aang (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
3) "Sorry, got a bit caught up in gloating. I KILLED CELL!!!!!" - Krillin (Dragon Ball Z Abridged Episode 44)
4) "Hope the diamond doesn't mind when I mine it!" - Toby Turner ("Mine the Diamond")
5) "Dammit, give me your bubbles, sir!" - Dylan Bailey (BananaPieLord / MrHewbz)
6) "No one wants to be in an endless donkey loop." - Ross Scott (Game Dungeon: Arcade America)
7) "CALL ME ISHMAEL, BITCH!" - Gordon Freeman (Freeman's Mind)
8) "Yeah, that fish-in-a-barrel trick doesn't work so well when the fish has a shotgun, does it?!?" - Gordon Freeman (Freeman's Mind)
9) "Okay, no more making copies of yourself after you're dead!" - Gordon Freeman (Freeman's Mind)
10) "I'll be back in about twenty minutes; I need to let the milk melt." - Me (It's funnier if you don't know the context)
11) "I just hover a nipple over one and it fills up the rest of them!" - JackSepticEye (Kerbal Space Program)
12) "I'm like the Nostradamus of f*cking up!" - Adrian Shephard (Shephard's Mind)
13) "That's right, asshole, I'm just a box!" - Adrian Shephard (Shephard's Mind)
14) "You can have the trickle, but there's nothing left." - My sister (Again, funnier without context)
15) "I will squeeze my lightning bug at you until you die!" - Adrian Shephard (Shephard's Mind)
16) "I'm literally feet from the exit, but I can't get out because of this impenetrable wall of Pepto-Bismol!" - Adrian Shephard (Shephard's Mind)
17) "Now I'm not saying I'm Voldemort...but I'm not saying I'm not, either." - ChimneySwift (Attack of the B-Team)
18) "No honey?!? We're in a bear, for crying out loud!" - Varrick (Legend of Korra)
19) "That platypus-bear is pooping money!" - Anonymous Water Tribe citizen (Legend of Korra)
20) "Go rub your balloons elsewhere, Wario!" - Vinesauce (Tomodachi Life)
21) "Oh dear, we seem to have had a case of Spontaneous Dinosaur Combustion." - Me (Watching Doctor Who Series 8 Episode 1)
22) "Even a ghost truck would go over a bridge." - Lewis (Trucking Tuesday: Big Rigs Over the Road Racing)
23) "45 degrees is the angle of maximum win." - Me (Physics class)
24) "The...defense is objecting to...ITSELF?!?" - The Judge (Turnabout Storm)
25) "Sableye just downloads your spirit directly into its face." - JWittz ("Weird/Creepy Pokedex Entries Part 5")
26) "WHY DID I GET TRAMPLED TO DEATH BY BUFFALO?!?!?" - Vegeta (Renegade for Life)
27) "You can't go to church with your clothes on!" - Eleventh Doctor ("The Time of the Doctor")
28) "Did I just kill a bug with time travel?!?!?" - Me (Once again, funnier if you fill in the details yourself)
29) "Potato guns are serious business, man." - A friend
30) "Sheldon, your uvula does not have an STD!" - Leonard (The Big Bang Theory Season 8 Episode 2)
31) "You've got the speed and the power and the donk!!!" - Markiplier (Turbo Dismount)
32) "Sorry, it's hard to hear you over this pig!" - My physics teacher
33) "My bananas are in the fat!" - Josh Jepson ("Super Mario Sunshine Versus")
34) "Of COURSE I enter a monkey zone right as I get the magnet." - Me (Playing "Ooga Jump")
35) "I can live here indefinitely; I've got 20 pork." - Duncan ("Hole Diggers" Episode 19)
36) "Oh sweet Christ, the arm gag is back." - Me (reading "Homestuck" for the first time)
37) "It's nice standing under the crotch, just sheltering from the rain as Simon builds a giant red tube in the sky and Duncan fiddles around with redstone timers in space." - Lewis Brindley ("Hole Diggers" Episode 37)
38) "Don't be fair to the Daleks when they're firing me at a planet!" - The Eleventh Doctor ("Asylum of the Daleks")
39) "So they just hide freaking Cubes in TIME ITSELF?!?" - JoshJepson ("Let's Play Fez" Episode 5)


So I've recently started a new story: Ponyball Z Abridged! Basically, it's a ponification of TeamFourStar's excellent web series "Dragonball Z Abridged", and basically it consists of replacing the DBZA characters with the Mane 6 and switching out the dialogue to make it set in Equestria. The project was inspired by The Wholocked Brony's excellent "Adventures in Time" story, which is a similar project but with Doctor Who. (Incidentally, I tried to upload the story to FIMfiction, but they rejected it because it's "not original content". Still a bit pissed.)

Basically, here are the characters who have thus far been introduced and/or mentioned, and their corresponding MLP characters:

- Goku: Twilight (brilliant at what they do well, but kind of naive and stupid outside their comfort zone)
- Rainbow Dash: Vegeta (awesome and they know it; totally full of themselves; basically, "I AM THE HYPE!!!")
- Piccolo: Lyra (both outsiders named after instruments)
- Krillin: Spike (more or less there for comic relief and moral support; get physically and verbally abused constantly)
- Bulma: Fleur Dis Lee (succeed by being rich and not getting involved in the action)
- Yamcha: Flash (hated by his "friends" and apparently by life itself)
- Kami: Cadance (basically a god, but has little to no impact on the series)
- Raditz: Shining Armor (brother of main character; has almost no effect on the plot after initial introduction)
- Nappa: Pinkie Pie ("I am hilarious and you will quote everything I say!")
- Master Roshi: Granny Smith (elderly, apparently knows a lot but does very little to the overall story)
- Gohan: Fluttershy (starts out really nervous and reluctant to fight, but slowly gets more confident; when they get mad...look out)
- Mr. Popo: Pinkamena (HOLY CRAP, GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!)
- King Yemma: Mayor Mare (Authority figure who has exactly zero impact on the story)
- Chi-Chi: Octavia (can easily see being overprotective of family)
- King Kai: Queen Luna (Ultra-powerful, lives on small planetoid, always lonely)
- Tien Shinhan: Applejack ("I am the only serious character on this show. That's the joke.")
- Chiaotzu: Sweetie Belle (martial arts master who looks like a little kid)


UPCOMING STORIES:

Calvin and Hobbes: World Under Siege (might make a pilot episode, most likely nothing more)

It's been three months since First Strike. Three months since the alien force known as the Alliance attacked Earth through dimensional portals over our largest cities. Three months since humanity began fighting a losing battle for control of their planet. Each day the Alliance sends cleverer and stealthier through, and each day the world descends a little deeper into anarchy.

But in at least one city, there is still hope. A pair of heroes defend their hometown from destruction at the hands of the monsters. To most of the world, they are a twelve-year-old boy and an anthropomorphic tiger. But to those who truly know them, they represent the last, best hope for survival in a world under siege.

They are Calvin and Hobbes, and they are Earth's last heroes.

(Basically, this is my answer to the question "What if Calvin and Hobbes was an anime?" I actually Google Translated the title into Japanese and arrived at something pretty cool- "Karuban to Hobbuzu: Hōi-ka no Sekai". Certainly sounds like it could be the title of an anime.)


Question of the week: If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

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Spinning Through Space by TheBigCat reviews
"There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream. People made of smoke, and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Rose, we've got work to do." SEASON ONE of CALVIN WHO. Now complete!
Crossover - Calvin & Hobbes & Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 87,284 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/25/2014 - Published: 6/2/2014 - Dorothy M./Ace, Rose T., Calvin, Hobbes - Complete
The Science of Imagination by Cherish the look of surprise reviews
The consulting detective has got a new case. Two tourists have been murdered and the only clue he has to go on is their six year old son who witnessed it all. Unfortunately it seems that Calvin, and his stuffed tiger Hobbes, aren't that keen to co-operate. Alternating fluff and angst depending on my mood.
Crossover - Calvin & Hobbes & Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,469 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 91 - Updated: 4/5/2013 - Published: 1/2/2013 - Calvin, Sherlock H.
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Ponyball Z Abridged reviews
Follow the adventures of Twilight Sparkle and her friends as they set off on a series of epic and somewhat random adventures across space and time on a journey which will ultimately decide the fate of the entire universe! (Note: this story is a ponification of TeamFourStar's "Dragon Ball Z Abridged".) Rated T for gore, implied sex, and language. Re-Edited 2: Re-Edit Harder!
Crossover - Dragon Ball Z & My Little Pony - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,049 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 11/7/2014 - Published: 11/1/2014
Calvin's Quest reviews
When a simple argument leads Calvin and Hobbes on a trip through time, they soon find themselves wrapped up in a quest which seems to stretch from the distant past to the far future, with more than they can imagine at stake and an impossible foe waiting at the end. Current chapter: "In Too Deep".
Calvin & Hobbes - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 17 - Words: 21,417 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/1/2014 - Published: 1/19/2011 - Calvin, Hobbes
A Farwell to Derpy reviews
"I love Derpy more than I can say, and I always will. But sometimes the stars are just not right, and even the best of friendships must sometimes be put aside." I was watching a video on the video on the "Save Derpy" crisis, and this short story practically wrote itself. Just my view on the whole issue. May be controversial, but I feel it's better this way.
My Little Pony - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 820 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/12/2013 - Complete
A Biologist's Journey reviews
It has been many years since the events of Pikmin 3. Researchers from across the galaxy now flock to research stations on PNF-404. For years Eric Ezpil, a Koppaian biologist, has dreamed of going to the planet. This is the journal of what happens when he finally goes there... Rated T for some possible future violence.
Pikmin - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,047 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/29/2013 - Published: 7/27/2013
Colors reviews
Just a series of oneshots detailing Olimar encountering my Pikmin ideas. Don't accuse me of copying Deadly Raptor; he gave me permission personally. Chapter 4 is my shortest so far, but for some reason it feels longer.
Pikmin - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,678 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/21/2013 - Published: 7/29/2012
The Ender Chest reviews
Edit: I tried what the book said last night, and things got even stranger. Read on to see; any theories about this? Rating changed because of what's going on here...
Minecraft - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,935 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/7/2013 - Published: 12/26/2012
Calvin and Hobbes' Minecraft News reviews
Kind of an experiment for me. Welcome to Calvin and Hobbes' news program: "Where Minecraft stuff comes first and the rest comes never!" In this episode, we celebrate the release of 1.2!
Crossover - Calvin & Hobbes & Minecraft - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,567 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/2/2012 - Published: 1/29/2012 - Calvin
Kingdom Hearts 3: Domain of Doors reviews
Sora, Riku, and Kairi are called on another mission. This time, the Heartless and Nobodies have teamed up in search of a mysterious place called the Domain of Doors. Rated T because I'm paranoid. ON PERMANENT HIATUS.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,496 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/25/2011 - Published: 2/4/2011 - Sora
Calvin and Hobbes Holiday Special!
Calvin, Hobbes, and Golden Keyblade get together to give you, my faithful readers, some presents! Thanks for being the greatest fans ever, and I promise to at least TRY to update more frequently in the future.
Calvin & Hobbes - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,114 - Published: 12/25/2011 - Complete
Minecraft: The Mines reviews
Upon prompting from the Silverfish, Herobrine explores the Abandoned Mine Shaft adjoining the Stronghold. There he will find a tragic tale of treachery, betrayal, and loss. Part 3; series has been suspended.
Minecraft - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,550 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/18/2011 - Complete
Minecraft: The Stronghold reviews
The sequel to "Minecraft: The Night". Herobrine enters the ancient, abandoned Stronghold and finds it is not abandoned after all. Focuses on Silverfish.
Minecraft - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,274 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/12/2011
Minecraft: The Night reviews
While taking a walk along the beach alone late one night, Herobrine is met by strange creatures and has a discussion with them. Note: Herobrine is good in this story.
Minecraft - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,325 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/4/2011 - Complete