Poll: Ok, so how many of you would read a new story if I typed it? Vote Now!
Author has written 6 stories for Fruits Basket, and Naruto.
hi people!!! Here's some stuffs I found over fanfiction that I found amusing and hope you do also.
Im currently working on a fruits basket story and would like some feed back , if not, I shall go with what ever strikes my fancy, which has sometimes been known to scare people sooo. . . . .
If you KNOW that gravity hates you, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you know an anime character who should be real, then copy & paste into your profile.
If you're addicted to anime,copy & paste this into your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (How do you spelL CPR?)
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. (IT's not my fault. It's the magic fish.)
If you don't watch Laguna Beach, The O.C. or The Hills, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (Who the hell does?)
If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile :D
If you have ever crashed into a wall while you were sugarhigh, copy onto profile.
If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. (The sad part is when you have thumbwar with yourself and lose :( Sucks don't it?)
Copy and paste this onto your profile if you've ever had a conversation with yourself while other people were around.
Copy and paste this onto your profile if you've started a conversation with your pets.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.(many times)
If you have weird friends, copy this into your profile.
If YOU are weird, please copy this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange it bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Baa Baa Black Sheep, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. (Omg they DO!)
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever tripped over air, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you KNOW that gravity hates you, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
101 THINGS TO DO WHEN IN WAL-MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. (Even better, bring your own bokken(woodensword))
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. (Your fly's down)
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
32. Take bets on the battle described above.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department. (Again, I got Apollo to do this)
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics.
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. (I took a thirty-minute nap)
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice
52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the
54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch
61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of
67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in people’s
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of
71. Hit on the elderly.
72. Hit on 5 year olds.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind
80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me". (I set a bunch of singing valentine's day monkeys up the other day and got my friends to press the trye me buttons on all of them)
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
84. When you’re alone, have loud conversations with your
85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department
90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in
95. Light a match under a sprinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I
97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my
98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that your a
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
BONUS Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
If you have ever called any adult a fucking idiot, copy and paste this to your profile.
Most people say that life is good. But life is only good when you get what you want. If you agree, copy and paste this to your profile
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
I see stupid people, there's so many...
I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning!
Therapy is expensive, but bubble wrap is free.
How are you? I'm f.i.n.e-
I'm F.I.N.E. Thanks for asking
What do u mean the moon isn't made of cheez?
I'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes
I'm that kinda girl who will bust out laughing for sumthing that happened yesterday.
If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.
If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile.
If you ever laughed and then said, "I don't get it." copy and paste this to your profile.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her (yet it would be nice) and knows the importance of the little things.
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
If you've ever mashed your plushies together and made kissy noises, copy and paste this into your profile (don't be ashamed).
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong
I can’t speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is tiffany
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
And you can help
Sickens me top the soul,
And if you read this
and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be effected
By this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it!
So all I ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
Sasuke is always thinking of Naruto- Sakura always bugs Sasuke.
Sasuke always wants to prove himself to Naruto, and vice versa - Sakura is always ignored by Sasuke.
Sasuke talks to Naruto the most, out of everyone- He rarely speaks to Sakura.
Sasuke and Naruto have saved each other's lives on several occasions - Sasuke saved Sakura- ONCE.
When Sasuke was leaving Konoha, Naruto tried to stop him (and was very, very close to succeeding)- He listened to Sakura for about three minutes, called her annoying, said thank you for some unfathomable reason (considering all she did was bitch, whine 'Sasuke-kun!', and get in the way of everything), knocked her out... and carried on.
Sasuke and Naruto were friends when they were younger (possibly MORE than friends...They HELD HANDS x3) - Sakura never even spoke to Sasuke.
Naruto draws out strong emotions in Sasuke: love, guilt, he just touches him inside - The only emotions Sakura draws out from him is annoyance and a strong urge to kill.
Sasuke and Naruto's relationship is the most developed in the whole show. The whole show FOCUSES on their relationship- Sakura and Sasuke are just.. stuck together. There's no positive relationship.
Lastly, there's an interview somewhere on the web, in which Kishimoto states that Naruto and Sakura are rivals. (For Sasuke's love) Seeing as Sasuke likes Naruto, and HATES Sakura.. I'm pretty sure it's obvious who will win Sasuke's heart.
This may seem kind of long and pointless to some, but copy & paste this onto your profile if you agree.
Original List Written by "Tesina Gela Gardner"
If you think homophobia is a mental illness that should result in suffers being strung up by their toes, stripped naked, feathered and tarred, then sold as cheap, Mexican pinata knock-offs, copy and paste this into your profile
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!
When you dial a mental hospital:
Welcome to Psychiatric World. If you are obsessive-complusive, please press one repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the phone so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular. Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn't get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Carribean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word. Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines.Multiplication was scary. Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist. The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread. If you were, copy and paste then write your name. Catemonster, Angel Dumott Schunard Collins, Palinana, Kaz-za-15, Taijiya Mizu, DarkBombayAngel, Schizzar, XOmarX, demoncookie8D
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
The dinosaur extinction wasn't an accident - barney came and they all committed suicide.
You can ask permission now or beg forgiveness later.
Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity was framed.
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
The difference between humour and tragedy is that humor is when it happens to someone else.
Pretty girls turn heads, My girls break necks.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more
LOVE... the slowest form of suicide.
THERAPIST=THE RAPIST... scary thought.
Life is not passing me by, it is trying to run me over.
Shock me... say something intelligent.
Everyone's entitled to be stupid but you're just abusing the privilege.
Remember what you just said because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and then you'll be sorry.
You'er not yourself today; I noticed the improvement immediately.
Smile - make people wonder what you're up to.
If the truth will set you free, why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room for the next two weeks?!
If aliens are looking for intelligent life then Earth has nothing to worry about.
Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Call me crazy and prepare to be laughed at for being right.
Heaven doesn't want me there and hell knows I'll take over.
The evening news is where they begin by saying 'good evening' then proceed to tell you why its not.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
If you think it can't get any worse its probably because you lack sufficent imagination.
Most teenagers would have a meltdown if you called them a freak. However, I will simply ask, "What was your first clue?"
That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you
I'm the person you're mother warned you to avoid making friends with.
When the giant fluffy bunnies take over the world, I am NOT saving your ass.
At my lemonade stand I shall give you two glasses; the first is free, the second if five dollars because it contained the antidote to go with the first.
Happiness is when the dentist says it won't hurt a bit, and then gets his hand caught in the drill.
I like you; when the world is mine your death shall be quick and painless while the others are suffering.
I please only one person a day; today is not you're day and tommorrow isn't looking so good either.
I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning.
One day, we will look back on this day, laugh nerviously, and change the subject.
I love deadlines. I like the whoosing sound that they make as they go by.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional.
My imaginary friend thinks you have issues.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definately NOT for you.
Parents spend half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and spend the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
Im not insane, and my hand puppets argree with me.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
If God intended for man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes.
I swear, I didn't run into it! The pole moved on its own!
If you know for a fact you have an evil monkey living in your closet, copy and paste this into your profile.
I'm not paranoid - WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Flying is simple; just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Beware! For my place of employment has give me a new weapon - the BUBBLE WRAP - OF DOOM!!
The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it get me!
There's three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and my way, which is still wrong but much faster!
Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen.
You think that people that like couples such as Sasu-Saku and some others that are not SasuNaru XP should all go to the most horrible place in the world, hell for example;
You know that one day SasuNaru would rule the world!;
You love reading this reader’s profile (lol...);
You pray that somehow and someway Sakura would die somewhere along the timeskip;
You get mad every time Hinata trys to make a move on Naruto (yet u think its cute cuz Sasuke get jealous);
You wait for SasuxNaruislove to post new doujinshi’s(WHICH TAKES FOREVER!!);
You search deviantart more for SasuNaru then any other thing;
You decide that typing this up would help people understand why you love SasuNaru so much;
Your favorite colors are blue and yellow (they are complimentary);
You feel like you wanna punch Sakura for even thinking about the word Sasuke;
You just wanna go and hug the little adorable Naru-chan and tell him he and Sasuke are so kawaii together;
SasuNaru is your Anti-drug;
You talk about it all the time and ur friends have no idea what SasuNaru is; (ehhh some of them do)
You once tried to start a club at school; (and it didn't work out..)
Whenever you hear the word “sauce” you add a “sue nah roo” to the end and then shout "SASUNARU!" XDDDD;
You almost break ur computer after watching the episode where Sakura “touches” Sasuke to calm him down after using the Sharingan with the cursed mark;
You were just about to explode when Sasuke left Naruto alone at the Valley of End (did you cheat on him bastard! XD);
You cried at the flashbacks they played while at the Valley of End (grabs a tissue);
You like reading this long list and find it mildly amusing;
You have written 5 or more stories about them
You ignore other pairings and focus more on the “obsession”;
You put 20 or more pictures on ur ipod for later purposes :yaoi fan giggle:;
You try to convince some of ur close friends to like it; (i succeded)
You wonder what ur mom and dad would say if they found out what “it” was;
You sigh as this list ends XD
You were also screaming at Konohamuru in chapter 347 (page 10)
and You were awwing when Naruto dispelled the jutsu (jealous much?)
You replayed the credits ending to Shippuuden 65 over and over until your fingers cramped...then kept going anyway XD
You laughed hysterically when Naruto rejected Sakura in the manga;
You screamed at your computer when Sakura decided to go after Sasuke, but then realised it was for Naruto's sake then only glared at it;
You look up fluffy sasunaru video's on youtube and squeal at the happy ones and sniff at the sad ones;
SASUNARU IS YOUR RELIGION!
Copy and Paste this if you are a hard core fan.
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
24 things to do in an elevator!
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, admit, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.
Some people hear voices...some see invisible people... others have no imagination whatsoever.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Silence is not only golden, it's seldom misquoted.
You are never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm gunna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked!
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Never get in fights with ugly people, they've got nothing to lose.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
People say motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recomend it daily.
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about now a days saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absoloutly and entirely true.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
If you can keep your head while all about you are loosing theirs, Its just possible you haven't grasped the situation yet.
The pen is mightyer than the sword and considerably easier to write with.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely.
A computer beat me at chess once, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?' The only thing I have learned is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.
Always do some right. It gratifies some people and astonishes the rest.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask 'Where did I go wrong?' Then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Put in bold those that are true for you:
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up 48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test.
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one or because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.
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