Poll: Ok, so how many of you would read a new story if I typed it? Vote Now!
Author has written 7 stories for Fruits Basket, and Naruto.
"The pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with."
My profile is mainly used for mine and others amusement. If you want to know about a story, shoot me a PM and I'd be happy to chat with you.
So, to anyone paying my profile any bit of mind, I'm going to be posting the first part to a new story (that will be 75% done when posted, don't panic about updates just yet) and it's just to get a general feel of what people think of it. I'm not going to demand reviews or whatnot, but feedback would be appreciated. Depending on the response it gets I may replace the part with the whole, or just update it in chapters, but that would be ultimately up to the audience.
On a side note, I am currently available for stories others would like to be Beta'd. Shoot me a PM about it and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
'Ello there! Here's some stuff I found all around fanfiction that I found amusing and hope you do as well.
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
I see stupid people, there's so many...
I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning!
Therapy is expensive, but bubble wrap is free.
What do u mean the moon isn't made of cheez?
I'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes
I'm that kinda girl who will bust out laughing for something that happened yesterday.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Sasuke is always thinking of Naruto- Sakura always bugs Sasuke.
Sasuke always wants to prove himself to Naruto, and vice versa - Sakura is always ignored by Sasuke.
Sasuke talks to Naruto the most, out of everyone- He rarely speaks to Sakura.
Sasuke and Naruto have saved each other's lives on several occasions - Sasuke saved Sakura- ONCE.
When Sasuke was leaving Konoha, Naruto tried to stop him (and was very, very close to succeeding)- He listened to Sakura for about three minutes, called her annoying, said thank you for some unfathomable reason (considering all she did was bitch, whine 'Sasuke-kun!', and get in the way of everything), knocked her out... and carried on.
Sasuke and Naruto were friends when they were younger (possibly MORE than friends...They HELD HANDS x3) - Sakura never even spoke to Sasuke.
Naruto draws out strong emotions in Sasuke: love, guilt, he just touches him inside - The only emotions Sakura draws out from him is annoyance and a strong urge to kill.
Sasuke and Naruto's relationship is the most developed in the whole show. The whole show FOCUSES on their relationship- Sakura and Sasuke are just.. stuck together. There's no positive relationship.
Lastly, there's an interview somewhere on the web, in which Kishimoto states that Naruto and Sakura are rivals. (For Sasuke's love) Seeing as Sasuke likes Naruto, and HATES Sakura.. I'm pretty sure it's obvious who will win Sasuke's heart.
When you dial a mental hospital:
Welcome to Psychiatric World. If you are obsessive-complusive, please press one repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the phone so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
The dinosaur extinction wasn't an accident - barney came and they all committed suicide.
You can ask permission now or beg forgiveness later.
Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity was framed.
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
The difference between humor and tragedy is that humor is when it happens to someone else.
Pretty girls turn heads, My girls break necks.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more
LOVE... the slowest form of suicide.
THERAPIST=THE RAPIST... scary thought.
Life is not passing me by, it is trying to run me over.
Shock me... say something intelligent.
Everyone's entitled to be stupid but you're just abusing the privilege.
Remember what you just said because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and then you'll be sorry.
You'er not yourself today; I noticed the improvement immediately.
Smile - make people wonder what you're up to.
If the truth will set you free, why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room for the next two weeks?!
If aliens are looking for intelligent life then Earth has nothing to worry about.
Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Call me crazy and prepare to be laughed at for being right.
Heaven doesn't want me there and hell knows I'll take over.
The evening news is where they begin by saying 'good evening' then proceed to tell you why its not.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
If you think it can't get any worse its probably because you lack sufficient imagination.
Most teenagers would have a meltdown if you called them a freak. However, I will simply ask, "What was your first clue?"
That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you
I'm the person you're mother warned you to avoid making friends with.
When the giant fluffy bunnies take over the world, I am NOT saving your ass.
At my lemonade stand I shall give you two glasses; the first is free, the second if five dollars because it contained the antidote to go with the first.
Happiness is when the dentist says it won't hurt a bit, and then gets his hand caught in the drill.
I like you; when the world is mine your death shall be quick and painless while the others are suffering.
I please only one person a day; today is not you're day and tomorrow isn't looking so good either.
I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning.
One day, we will look back on this day, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound that they make as they go by.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional.
My imaginary friend thinks you have issues.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely NOT for you.
Parents spend half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and spend the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
I'm not insane, and my hand puppets agree with me.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
If God intended for man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes.
I swear, I didn't run into it! The pole moved on its own!
If you know for a fact you have an evil monkey living in your closet, copy and paste this into your profile.
I'm not paranoid - WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Flying is simple; just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Beware! For my place of employment has give me a new weapon - the BUBBLE WRAP - OF DOOM!!
The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it get me!
There's three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and my way, which is still wrong but much faster!
Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen.
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.
Some people hear voices...some see invisible people... others have no imagination whatsoever.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Silence is not only golden, it's seldom misquoted.
You are never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm gunna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked!
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Never get in fights with ugly people, they've got nothing to lose.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
People say motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recomend it daily.
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about now a days saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absoloutly and entirely true.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
If you can keep your head while all about you are loosing theirs, Its just possible you haven't grasped the situation yet.
The pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely.
A computer beat me at chess once, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?' The only thing I have learned is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.
Always do some right. It gratifies some people and astonishes the rest.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask 'Where did I go wrong?' Then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night.'