Author has written 30 stories for Harry Potter, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Hair, Shakespeare, and Dear John.
A note on my stories...
Sun, the Moon and Stars is now complete. I cannot believe it. It is astounding. I'm going to miss Arty so much. She's like the best imaginary friend ever. So I just want to say here - THANKYOU so much to everyone who has ever read, followed, favourited, and reviewed this story - it's means an awful lot to me and I never would have made it through 60 chapters to the very end without all your encouragement and PM asking me to get my act together and hurry up and update.
Thank you guys, it's been real!
Also, a big shout out to my friend Imogen who not only takes the time out of her busy life to beta all my writings (and is the reason that I actually have spaces between words and not in the middle of them!) but actually seems to enjoy it! Thank you for all the hours you've put in trying to decode my horrendous spelling.
As for my other long stories - I have several new stories in the works, including a novel length Albus Severus/OC called Strangers which Imogen seems to like very much. I'll post it when I can. Please be warned though, everything that is happening in Strangers is true and has happened to me and my friends.
Everything you are about to read is true and nothing will be the same again.
(For confidentiality reasons I have changed the names of the participants)
Lastly, for all you avid crime readers out there, there is also a Next Generation: Crime/Mystery/Romance heading your way. For all those who love Sherlock as much as I do, check it out! I promise you, you wont be disappointed.
Here's a sneak peak...
This was painfully easy, I observed, reaching for my glass. The overweight guy with the sweat marks under his arms sat on the barstool next to me at the bar was far more interested in my smooth white thighs than the bulging wallet that was jutting out of his jeans pocket. And that wasn't the only thing that was jutting out. Some people are just so obvious.
Sighing, I wondered whether it was really worth being leered at for five more minutes just to get the wallet. It wasn't as though I needed it but I was just so bored and a little excitement - any excitement - was better than just staying at home with my aunt and uncle. I loved my family but they weren't exactly exciting.
Of course, once, when I'd been back there, life had been full of excitement.
So now I was reduced to sneaking out to bars and seeing what I could get my hands on. My kleptomaniac habits weren't exactly stealing I told myself, even though I knew that really it was. I only took stuff from prospects I found interesting and I knew that if I lifted the watch (Patek Philipe, Rose Gold - Mens Calatravast. released this month. Price: £21,ooo) there would just be another sat in its place the next time I bumped into him at the bar . It would be replaced with a new, shinier, model before I could say fizzing Whizzbees.
Besides, it just wasn't a challenge. His breath told me he was already on his fourth, sorry, no fifth brandy and the bar mat in front of him told me he'd already had two aperitifs. Gin and tonics most probably, judging from the splash marks and the damp rings. People just aren't fun to steal from if you can't see their face when they realise it's gone. But then again, the bartender was heading down this was and it wasn't like I had any money on me. What was the point when I could steal some just as easily?
I kicked my feet against the bar and nodded to the tender who brought me another drink. I took a sip just as a young man slid onto the stool on my left. I let my eyes lazily trail over his suit (William Fioravanti Bespoke. Hand tailored. Price: £19,ooo) the silver watch on his wrist ( Rolex - Cosmograph Daytona, Price:£45,ooo) his shoes (Armani, Italian leather. Handmade. Price: £1,2oo). He was watching me watching him. I went back to my drink.
"Avez-vous un briquet?" He asked. I replaced my drink on the bar, lining it up with the damp ring already there. He had turned his body now so that he could stare at me without cricking his neck. Making sure that we had eye-contact I flicked my eyes right, to the sign above the bar.
'Défense de fumer.'
He snorted and pulled out a cigarette anyway but I wasn't watching the hand with the box in it. I was staring at his chest which, for the moment it had not been hidden by his jacket, had shown me a brief glimpse of a golden pocket watch. Now, that was more like it. Hitching my smile more brightly onto my face, I leant forward to him. Of course, if I was being lazy, I could just seduce it out of him and it wasn't as if he was bad looking but it was just too easy. Plus, it always made me feel a little cheap. I'd far rather use my brain and sleight of hand than my body.
The bartender had appeared again and Pocket Watch asked me if I wanted another drink. I nodded my assent and he used the distraction to oh-so-casually shift himself closer to me. I stifled a snort of derision and hit him with the full weight of my pout.
Six and a half minutes later I exited the bar and turned right into a small side alley. Making sure there were no muggle tramps around I turned swiftly on my heel and felt the suffocating darkness swallow me. Landing neatly on the pavement just outside my house I wandered up the front drive. It was dark, though barely, and the august air was warm as I slid off my shoes and climbed nimbly onto the wall that ran along the edge of the garden. I walked along it until I reached the rose trellis and began to climb it, avoiding the sharp thorns.
I'd been going to that particular bar for a little over a year because, even once I'd become a regular, I was still, for the most part, left alone. I knew all the doormen and which ones bothered to check IDs and which didn't. It was the same with the bartenders. Lawrence, the guy who had been on duty tonight, was a friend of mine and was always willing to look the other way if I was reeling in a mark. Of course, he didn't know I wasn't actually sleeping with any of them, just pinching stuff. He just thought I was a lonely young lady, wanting a bit of fun before my high-society mama sent me back to expensive ladies college I attended.
But the best thing about the bar was the Muggles. There wasn't a witch or wizard - other than my family - in a twenty kilometre radius and that was how I liked it. I spent all school year surrounded by magical beings and while they were undoubtedly more difficult, and therefore more challenging to steal from, I really had no wish to end up in trouble with the aurors again. Last time had been bad enough. Hell, I'd ended up here hadn't I? Exiled to the (admittedly pleasant) South of France six years ago after one, action packed year at Hogwarts which had ended my time in cold, wet England so dramatically, not to mention unpleasantly.
Flopping down on my neatly made bed, I let the golden chain of the watch dangle from between my fingertips and listened to the tick-tick of the hands as they worked their way around the numbers. Then I grinned. I wonder what Mr Cigarette would think when he stood up and realised that I'd stolen his shoes...
So there we are, I also have a number of one shots in the making which hopefully should be gracing your screen soon. And now, all there is left to say is
My account name is: OakWillow12033 so if you'd like to be my friend at Hogwarts...Feel Free!
I am a GRYFFINDOR
My wand is ROWAN with PHOENIX TAIL FEATHER core, 13 3/4 inches, SURPRISINGLY SUPPLE
See you on Pottermore!
My hair doesn't always stay in place & I spill things a lot.
I'm pretty clumsy & sometimes I have a broken heart.
My friends & I sometimes fight & maybe some days nothing goes right.
But when I think about it & take a step back...
I remember how amazing life truly is & that maybe, just maybe, I like being...
.••) .•) .•).•) .•)
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We're rascals and scoundrels, we're villians and knaves.
We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads,
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip." - Jonathon Carroll
Dear Parents. Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White ran away from home to live alone with seven unmarried men. Pinocchio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around in the nude. Sleeping Beauty let a complete stranger kiss her then married him. Cinderella lied and snuck after curfew to attend a party. You can't blame us. We were taught to rebel since a young age
WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.
Gryffindor (The biggest heroes in HP history as far as we know):
1. Welcome to Gryffindor, a Weasley has probably slept in your bed.
2. Gryffindors: Brave to the point of Idiocy.
3. Gryffindor: Because we blur the line between bold and stupid every time.
4. The beautiful, the brave and the bold.
5. Gryffindor: I'll kick your ass.
6. I'm in Gryffindor, you're in Gryffindor- let's hug!!
7. Gryffindor: because we get enough exercise just pushing our luck.
8. No excuses, rule breaking is customary.
9. Gryffindors are attention whores.
Slytherin (The Junior Death Eaters):
1. We aren't all evil... yeah, we are.
2. Cunning and Ambition: Slytherin.
3. Go ahead, be a little naughty.
4. Slytherin: We have chained boys in the dungeons.
5. Slytherin: Because our common room is underwater (and that's cool).
6. It's not that we aren't better than you (except it totally is).
7. Why be normal? Or good?
8. We are Junior Death Eaters. Deal with it.
9. Slytherin: means never having to say you're sorry.
10. Seriously evil wizard coming through.
11. I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.
12. Slytherins do it on Snape's desk.
13. Voldemort needs prison bitches.
14. Because real friends help you Incendio the bodies.
15. Property of the Half-Blood Prince.
16. We're only wearing black until something darker comes along.
17. Don't hate us because we're beautiful, hate us because we kick your ass at everything.
18. Never wound what can kill you.
Hufflepuff (Some of the best people you'll ever meet):
1. I'm planning your death but in a happy way.
2. Brace yourself- I'm going to hug you.
3. Nobody ever suspects the Hufflepuff.
4. You may be smarter, cooler, and better, but we still think you suck.
5. You think we're nice? That's cute...
6. Nowhere in the song does it say we're nice.
7. The love of a Hufflepuff was the only love good enough for Neville.
8. Hufflepuff: We kill you with smiles and rainbows.
9. All we got was Cedric... and that didn't turn out so good, did it?
10. Hufflepuff's kick ass too.
11. Hufflepuff: Formerly known as the party house.
12. Hufflepuff's know how to party.
13. Hufflepuff: We have cupcakes. Need we say more?
14. Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
15. Hufflepuff's are Particularly good finders.
Ravenclaw (The smartest house with the only ones who don't blow themselves up):
Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.
1. I don't need romance, I have goldfish.
2. A room without books is like a body without a soul.
3. I can kill you with my brain.
4. Ravenclaw pride. Be afraid.
5. It's not that we are smarter than you (except it totally is).
6. I'm a Ravenclaw, which clearly means I am eligible to boast about my intelligence level in your face.
7. Ravenclaw: because we know every insult in the book.
8. Ravenclaw: geeks shall inherit the earth.
9. Ravenclaw: Dangerously over-educated.
10. Ravenclaw: Tact enough for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.
11. Ravenclaw: because everyone else is just dumb.
Don't worry, what happens will happen and there's nothing we can do about it, so let's just have fun and live life.
Fred Weasley, in George Weasley and the Death Eater chapter 16
...Quotes and Proverbs...
After the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box- Italian Proverb
Without friends no-one would choose to live, though he had all other goods- Aristotle
You can never find a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me- C. S. Lewis
I just write what I wanted to write. I write what amuses me. It is totally for myself- J. K. Rowling
Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens- J. R. R. Tolkien
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards for they are subtle and quick to anger- J. R. R. Tolkien
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup
If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, I'm mad. That's the way history is written. -Artemis Fowl
I'm right with you, darling. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the operations booth. --Foaly
Reality leaves a lot to the imagination- John Lennon
The man who has no imagination has no wings- Mohammed Ali
You're only young once, you can be immature forever
"Andy…slow down. Andy, love…brake…no, that's the accelerator, the other one…"
"Sir, we're surrounded!" "Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"
"It’s impossible." Said pride. It’s risky." Said experience. "It’s pointless." Said reason. "Give it a try." Whispered the heart."
"If you start to miss me; remember, I didn’t walk away, you let me go …"
"One day You’ll wake up and realize how much you love her, and she’ll be waking up to the guy who already knew."
"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." (Robert McCloskey)
"Now you were not born yesterday, unless I am wrong. In which case, welcome to the world little human and congratulations on learning how to read at such a young age." -Lemony Snicket
Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.
Be yourself. That's crazy enough.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!
Emily Dickinson -
Writing a book is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement; then it becomes a mistress, and then it becomes a master, and then a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster, and fling him out to the public.
You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. -Winston Churchill
"Dude, that wall ran into ME! It came out of nowhere!"
...Neville kicks ass...
1. Neville needs a remembrall not because he has a bad memory but because he simply accomplishes too much to remember.
2. Neville Longbottom does not bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.
3. They thought of making a Neville puppet for Harry Potter puppet pals... but no one makes fun of Neville and wakes up in the morning.
4. Bound by the full-body curse, surrounded by Dementors and giants with his wand snapped in half, Neville Longbottom laughed to himself and said "I have them right where I want them."
5. Not to be outdone, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again.
6. Professor Quirrel didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence.
7. Neville became head boy and girl. No one dared to comment.
8. Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil.
9. Neville turned Dumbledore gay.
10. Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Ally.
11. Neville uses Naginis' blood as soy sauce.
12. muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort but they do know about Neville Longbottom.
13. Chuck Norris's boggart is Neville Longbottom.
14. Neville Longbottom's patronus is Neville because nothing else is badass enough to represent him.
15. Neville is the reason the cauldron is leaky.
16. If someone replaced the Mirror of Erised with Neville, no one would notice.
17. Cho Chang wasn't crying because she missed Cedric. She was crying because she was with Harry not Neville.
18. They said Dumbledore was the only one Lord Voldemort was afraid of. They lied.
19. They were going to release a Neville Longbottom version of Cluedo but the answer was always "Neville in the courtyard with the sword".
20. Neville made the Department of Mysteries when he got tired of making every discovery.
21. Neville Longbottom cut off the Hogshead. He was practicing for Nagini.
22. Chuck Norris pissed Neville off. Hence Mrs. Norris.
.: There's three ways to do things:.
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to your mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, and date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
If you're following my car, you're lost too.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of people I killed because they were annoying.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I, for one, do not believe that the universe should be as fragile as it is. It's where I keep all of my stuff.
Friends are like bras. They stay close to your heart and give you support.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because I just farted.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
Renesmee Carlie Cullen…
Even Albus Severus Potter is laughing at you…
Dear ‘popular’ kids
Yeah, you can tease me, use me, bully me, make fun of me all you like, because when I’m your boss, I’ll be laughing my ass off.
Sincerely Nerds of the World
95% of girls would scream if Justin Beiber went missing. Copy and paste this into your profile if you would smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick!
Well done! You've made it to the end of this incredibly long profile unless, of course, you just skipped straight to the end which is CHEATING!
:) smile- the world could end tomorrow
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