XxxpokeyxxX
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Joined 01-25-11, id: 2720241, Profile Updated: 02-03-11

Well I love sports, colors, life, friends, reading (hence why I am on fanfiction), and dreaming.

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

When life hands you skittles, throw it at people and yell, "TASTE THE FREAKING RAINBOW!"

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Colombian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in you're heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2) ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

This is about abortion...It gets pretty sad. :(

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine, but i will have a lot of it
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this.

ID is short for idieot.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't re-post it?

I am a writer, not your grammer teacher.

If you do not like me say it to my face, not behind my back, so when I kick you I have a good shot.

The fact that you think I'm listening to you just shows me how stupid you really are

When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in your enemies eyes

Break my Heart I break your neck

Flying is easy just throw yourself at the floor and miss (Not responsible for any injuries sustained from throwing self at floor)

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor

Sometimes violence is the only way to get what you want

Life isn't passing me by it's trying to run me over

I know I seem mean but it's because I don't like you

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? Hold my purse.'

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the titanic...

Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it

There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, it's when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.

Who ever says 'as easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried to.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up

My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious problems

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back

Love comes in many colors

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

Dying is a very dull, and dreary affair, my suggestion to you is to have nothing to do with it.

Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach them how to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks!

Love your enemies! It really pissess them off!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!

I'm not insensitive I just don't care

The voices in my head don't like you

Even if the voices aren't real...they have some good ideas

A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."

You can't make somebody love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope for the best!

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left

Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is Optional

Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.

"You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had."

-I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous

-Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

- I've heard that it's possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. (Besides, what's the fun in that?)

- No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me

-Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

-When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? Who likes lemons?

-When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

-When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

- I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out

-I'm going to give him a piece of my mind! But not my brain; I need that.

-Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to

- I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!

- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide

- Excuse me have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it

-I live in my own little world. But it's ok, they know me there

-The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide

-Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend

-Tell the truth and run, fast

-If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something

-Education is important. School however, is another matter.

-I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and beat the crap out of them.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question...I wonder...

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.

If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.

If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.

If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.

If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Unfortunately, you can't die of a broken heart.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over

If you know me, chances are you hate me.

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away…

Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

He gave her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I will love you until the last rose dies."

Sometimes people run away just to see if anyone cares enough to follow.

Sometimes you make me so mad I want to throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

"I love you" is eight letters. So is "bull crap."

People say love is like magic, but isn't magic just an illusion?

You call me crazy, I've been called worse by the voices in my head.

You call me crazy like it's the ultimate insult but I just stare at you blankly and say "So"

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option.

If you live to be 100, I want to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.

When you said you hated me I felt all fuzzy inside. I wonder why.

If he's dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let him go.

Keep on talking maybe one day you'll say something intelligent

When I said "I wish you a life time of happiness" after you screwed me over I meant I was going to kill you

It's a funny thing when everyone at the local asylum knows your name

I once believed I could fly. The broken neck proved that theory wrong and it wasn't even my neck

"Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm trippin'? Tie my shoes. Can't stand me? Sit your ass down. Can't face me? Then turn the fuck around!"

Sarcastic! Me? Never!

If talking to your self is the first sign of insanity, what's sign two?

If you don't like me there is nothing I can do. Newsflash bitch, I don't live to please you

REMEMBER WHEN ..

getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMIES were your siblings
and RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

You know you live in 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2. Hi.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.

7. As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

8. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

9. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

10. You were too busy to notice number five was missing.

11. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.

12. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

13. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did.

You know you are stupid if your reading my profile

When I update, you know that I have nothing better to do.

I update alot... just on a website that you have never heard of.

Guy's point of view

(Here's the take on relationships from a guy's POV. NOT MINE)

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood I'm in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'

We enjoy doing it.

It's expected.

Smile and say 'thank you.'

Kiss us when no one's watching.(If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.)

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's
or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hot Ryan Rynolds, Justin Beiber, or Taylor Lautner is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'.

I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.

On the other hand I'm not sayin I wouldn't like it ether.

Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...and say 'I love you' ...AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

Give the nice guys a chance

Holding Hands-

Girls: If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times. Guys: Grab it if it happens more than once.

Cuddling-

Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold. Guys: Automatically move closer to her.

Movies-

Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder.
Guys: Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Loving each other

-
Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too...
And mean it.

Laying below the stars-

Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat Guys: Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now make a wish about something you would like to happen between you and your crush...

Guys repost this if you agree.

Girls repost this if you think it's cute.

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.

Random quotes I love:

I want to be known as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken. And the one who could always brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own.

Let's play Truth or Dare...or just Dare because nobody tells the Truth anymore...

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday!

Yea, I'm a loser...but I'm the coolest loser you'll EVER meet.

Sometimes when I say 'oh, I'm fine' I want someone to look me in the eyes and say 'tell the truth'

You asked what was wrong and I said NOTHING but then I turned around and whispered EVERYTHING

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learing to dance in the rain

Teddy bears don't hug back but sometimes they are all you got

True friends are hard to find, Harder to leave, and Impossible to forget

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's harder to give up, especially if it's all you ever wanted

I don't miss you, I miss the person I thought you were

Best Friends are about killing each other over a bag of chips, and then when it's all over not saying sorry but saying "Ha Ha loser.

2+2=6, I rock at math

Im going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everything's perfect, act like it's all a dream, and pretend it's not hurting me

Anyone can make you smile, Many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes.

It hurts so much to love you the way I do, and then look at you and see how much you don't care...

I only use my computer on days that end in "Y"

Hug a Tree. They have less issues than people.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Just for once...I want someone to be afraid of losing me

Best friends. Were the ones who Practically live at eachother's houses, Stay up all night talking about absolutly nothing, Dance until were out of breath, Laugh at the stupidest things, and still find a reason to love each other, even though were complete idiots

Be a fruit loop in a world full of cheerios

I agree with the Dictionary:

Girls before Guys

Partying before Studying

Friends before Love

I don't Run away from you...I walk away slowly and it kills me because you don't care enough to stop me.

They are laughing at us because were Idiots...were laughing at them because they Just figured that out

True love is when you shed tears and still want him, It's when he ignores you and you still love him, It's when he loves another girl and you say your happy for them, even though you just cry...and cry

I'm 99 sure he doesn't like me... it's the 1 that keeps me hanging on

This one's for the girls. Who have ever had a broken heart. Who have wished opon a shooting star. Your beautiful the way you are. This one's for the girls.

Isn't it funny how a girl's profile is all about that one guy and he never know's every word is about him

I'm the type of girl who can watch abunch of horror movies and not get scared...

then scream at the top of my lungs when the waffle pops out of toaster

Do you know how hard it is to say: oh no, were just friends, when all you want to do is scream: I LOVE YOU

I'm the type of girl who tries not to like you, and ends up just falling harder

A True Boyfriend =

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stare's at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and dont let go

When she start's cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignore's you
Give her your attention

When she pull's away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lay's her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesnt answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tell's you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -

Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.-

When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-

When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-

Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-

Tease her and let her tease you back.-

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-

Give her the world.-

Let her wear your clothes.-

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-

Let her know she's important.-

Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or TV show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you've ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your pro.

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever crashed into a wall while you were sugar high, copy onto profile!

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If I had to choose between loving you and breathing, I would use my last breath to say "I love you."

When I saw you I was afraid to meet you.
When I met you I was afraid to kiss you.
When I kissed you I was afraid to love you.
Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you...

I'm loud, no mute button on this chicka but I'm not obnoxious (hopefully)

I'm reserved but I'm not stuck-up

I'm straight-in-your-face-kind-of-girl but I'll respect your privacy and personal bubble (Mostly)

I'm shy but only because I like good first impressions

I'm a lover but I'm careful with my heart

I'm sweet but not if you mess with my family or friends

I'm sadistic but not if your sweet to me.

I'm a gypsy but I'm not psycho

I love music but well there is no but in that situation

I'm smart but I'm not a nerd

I'm pretty but I only say that so I'll stop getting slapped by my friends

I love hugs but only if your not creepy

I hate ciggarettes but I won't hate you if you don't.

I adore animals but I'm not the crazy cat lady.

EVER WONDER:

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at one thing: Staying Strong.

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.

You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see Normal people! QUICK!! take a picture!!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

One out of four people are insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that ?

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?

Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?

I'm the kinda girl who would...:

I'm the kind of girl who walks into a door and apoligizes.

I'm the kind of girl who would rather act stupid than smart.

I'm the kind of girl who would burst out laughing in a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for throwing out the W's.

I'm the kind of girl who gets drunk off soda and loves every minute of it.

My Gay-dar is pointing at you madly, in your tight jeans and man make-up... I think there's something wrong with it...

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

IF YOU WERE KILLED TOMORROW, I WOULDN'T GO TO YOUR FUNERAL CAUSE I'D BE IN JAIL FOR KILLING THEM

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?(Chunky Dunk)
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

See. I'm not that girly girl. But I love that about me.

How I am blonde. Got this from someone's profile and tried it.

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love position
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk

30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on.
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it.
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one or because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a 'beware of dog' sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.

(I'm not blonde, but I sure do act like it :))

YOUR GUY SIDE:

X

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

X

X

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind. (that explains why i'm considered crazy.)

Anyone who says nothings imposible has never tried slamming a revolving door

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

If you secretly believe (and hope) that J.K.R. is really a Hogwarts alumni pretending it is fictional, copy this into your profile.

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Don't knock on Hades' door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. (most people say "death's door" i say "Hades' door")

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...i wonder...

When life gives you lemons, make grapefruit juice, and let life wonder how the heck you did that!

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and let life wonder how the heck you did it!

When life gives you lemon, throw them back and tell life to make its own dang lemonade!!

My heart? Yeah. It's not a playground.

Silent is golden but duck tape is silver

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

If you run into inanimate objects...and then blame them for it copy and paste this in your profile

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile

If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile

If you think that people who don't like PJO are crazy/stupid/losers, copy this into your profile.

If you think Hades is cool, copy and past this to your profile

If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" things, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

If you have ever tripped when there was a "watch your step" sign copy and paste this into your profile. (i saw the sign AFTER i tripped, i swear!)

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR IS SANG TO THE SAME TUNE AS THE ALPHABET...copy this onto your profile if you just sang it in your head to see if its true.

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If Orlando Bloom said to stop breathing, 99 percent of girls currently on the face of the Earth would be dead right now. Put this on your profile if you'd be the 1 percent still alive and laughing.

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

f you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

f several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you laugh when you hurt yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped on a person, copy this into your profile.

Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your bio.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

98 percent of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this in your profile if you like MUFFINS!

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these (there's more BWHAHAHAHA!!), copy this into your profile!!

If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't have a myspace and you don't want a myspace, copy this into your profile.

If you lack common sense, copy and paste this onto you're profile.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: the fear of long words. Now what SmartAss came up with that? If you think that is really funny, but can't pronounce it, copy and paste this into your profile.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!!

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

If you wish that your name was as interesting as Scorpius Malfoy, Sirius Black, Gellert Grindelwald, Lavender Brown, Ginevra Weasley, Albus Severus Potter or anything like Nymphadora, Andromeda, Narcissa or Bellatrix, copy this into your profile.

If you think rap is the most God-awfulest thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.--And always remember. Crap can't be spelled without first spelling rap.

If you aren't one of those wanna be pop stars that shop at name brand stores, copy this to your profile!

If you are a loner/goth/emo/freak/punk/weird person, then copy this to your profile.

If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever yelled out a random food item during class or just randomly, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why the heck fanfiction doesn't have colour for profiles, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are frequently told to be quiet/shut the hell up, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get way too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile

If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.

Weird is under-rated. Copy and paste this in your profile, if you agree and add your name to the list: Celiana, SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, Seweedbrainrocks314, Shorty and KG Inc., WiseOne27,LoveTheSun, animaluver101, The Dawn Is Breaking, Hersheybar66, Dolphingirl32173

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are good at annoying people (especially on loooooong car journeys) copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that Global Warming is real, and that it should be dealt with, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves" song copy this into your profile!

If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

We now have the technology to copy human skin cells to test on for all cosmetics and beauty supplies. If you are against any type of animal testing, post this on your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile

If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.

Bex!!

This is Bunny. Copy and paste him onto your profile to help him dominate the world!

l??
・i゚、 。 ・V
l?? ~・R
・カ・オf,)・m

Kitty is Bunny's nemesis. Or evil accomplice. Nobody really knows. Either way, copy and paste Kitty as well, or Bunny will get lonely!

(\ _ /)
(O.o )

This is Bunny.
Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination

If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you've ever wanted to go into a book and slap/ scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you find yourself making fanfictions of other fanfictions in your head, post this in your profile.

If you dream of killing a character in a book so you can go out with their boyfriend, post this in your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push copy this into your profile

If you have done BOTH of the above copy this into your profile

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you believe teenagers are steryotyped, put this on your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS! If You Embrace The Weirdness, Copy And Paste This On To Your Profile And Add Your Name To The List.

Emy Em Em, Lady Sakura of the Fated, Sasukez, Fuzzy makes me happy, Lunadance506, Crimsonsunxx, SkywardShadow, Dolphingirl32173, XxCammieXZachxX

You know if you live in 2008 when

1)

2)

3)

4)

6)

7)

8)

9)

10)

11)

12)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then dissappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (once a key actually fell off!)

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You zone out even with other people.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

You're profile is REALLY long.

Your computer runs out of memory.

You can't stop writing!

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

I guess I'm an author. . .

(COPY AND PASTE...)

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe in God, copy this into your profile.

If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile.

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile.

If you have done so much stupid stuff that you just go by Bella, or you're just a plain clutz, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile. (Chocolate? WHO SAID CHOCOLATE?!).

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!

Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
And you were too busy to notice number 5.
As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing
the buttons on the TV
The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a
screenname or my space
You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual
.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.(riiiiggghhhtt...)
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.

I play VIDEO GAMES so I MUST be a LOSER.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
XYou were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. (OR LONGER!)
XYou smile a lot more than you should.
XYou have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
XYou like wearing dresses when you can.
XYou like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
X You love the movies.
XUsed to play with dolls as little kid.
XLike putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing.
You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
XYou love to shop.
XYou wear eyeliner.
X You wear the color pink
You Go to your mom for advice.
XYou consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
XYou like hanging out at the mall.
XYou like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
XYou like wearing jewelry.
You love hoodies.
X You love jeans.
X Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
X You've played with/against boys on a team.
XShopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
Xou own/ed an X-Box.
XPlayed with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
XYou own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
XYou watch sports on TV.
X Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
X You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
X Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
X You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
XSports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
X sleep with your socks on at night--sometimes

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't quite as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmnealh
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool

""Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Banaparte

"It is not Big Armies that win battles, it is the good ones." -Maurice de Saxe

"For what is a villain without a hero to oppose him?" -Luna Lovegood

5 Truths of Life.

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it

3. The first truth is a lie

4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it... (Idiot!)

5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face

Now, if you fell for it (I KNOW you did), copy & paste this into your profile. ... lol! :)

RULES FOR LIFE AT HOGWARTS

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "Time of the Month."

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

13) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout, "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"

15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental.

18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends."

20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting, "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions. (Highly inappropriate, albeit very funny.)

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom.

25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.

33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot, gay sex will occur.

35) It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagal that she takes herself too seriously.

36) "Ya'll check this shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental
spell.

37) I will not say the phrase, "Dude, get a life," to Voldemort.

38) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy. (He will take you up on it.)

39) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

40) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

"A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh . . . Then why do you keep crossing things out?"

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook."

'I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.'

'May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.'

'Cute but evil. Things even out.'

"If you hit me at 30mph, there's an 80 chance I'll live. Hit me at 40mph, and there's an 80 chance I'll die...Please stop trying to hit me."

'Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What the heck am I doing,
Talking to you?"

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people are just out of film.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

God grant us the senility to forget the people you never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones you do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.

'School prepares you for the real world, which sucks.'

'It's okay if you want to drop dead.'

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed

High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I do not deny everything.

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store.

Love me or hate me, personally, I couldn't care less.

Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

The road to success is always under construction.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually they're pretty slow.

Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Help, I've fallen and I can't...Hey nice carpet!

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Cheese…Milk's leap toward immortality.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

I am a proud part of the "Chasing Jacob Black Out of Town with Pitchforks Club.(But I think it should be with grenades.)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Umnn yeah... isn't military also human)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Deadly Sight by GRAPEfedGODDESS reviews
Sloane, a quiet student in the Midwest, struggles to balance having a normal life with the responsibility that comes with her 'gift'.
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 178 - Words: 730,345 - Reviews: 554 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 4/16 - Published: 9/3/2009
House of Cards by F Le Rulz reviews
Sookie Stackhouse is a telepathic New York socialite. When business and fate cause her to encounter one Eric Northman, cutthroat businessman and vampire, the world she knows comes tumbling down. AU E/S. M for content in later chapters.
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 143,042 - Reviews: 488 - Favs: 217 - Follows: 343 - Updated: 8/20/2013 - Published: 2/3/2011 - Eric, Sookie
Destined to Collide by yifrodit reviews
I was a sister of Sarah Newlin, and he was a vampire. I was his caretaker, and he was a prisoner. I watched over him for three weeks, and that was all it took. Three weeks, it took me only three weeks to fall absolutely in love with him. Godric/OC
True Blood - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 103,321 - Reviews: 768 - Favs: 554 - Follows: 573 - Updated: 5/18/2012 - Published: 6/21/2010 - Godric
Psycho Fairy by SVM612 reviews
Eric has his hands full when Naill allows his Great Granddaughter to enter the human realm. Is she as crazy as they say or just misunderstood. AU/OOC
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 32,273 - Reviews: 365 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 319 - Updated: 3/8/2012 - Published: 11/3/2010 - Sookie, Eric
In Dark Blue Louisiana by Nemu-Chan reviews
Ava Cole was back in Bon Temps. However, she could have never imagined that she would meet vampires there.. Her entire life was going to change and her encounter with a certain vampire was going to transform her. Eric/OC
True Blood - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 60 - Words: 161,591 - Reviews: 233 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 1/14/2012 - Published: 1/22/2011 - [Eric N., OC] - Complete
Skye Night by SkyeElf reviews
She's a freak, and enjoys it. But in the war to come she's a key. The main key. There's no running from it. But she's got her friends... and she's got Draco... Nothing is as it seems... Which suits them just fine. AU. COMPLETE! Over a 100 000 hits!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 67 - Words: 255,699 - Reviews: 1188 - Favs: 287 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 12/23/2011 - Published: 3/31/2011 - Draco M., OC - Complete
A Moment Changes Everything by Xtyne reviews
It was my dreams that brought me to Dallas Texas. It was my dreams that brought me to him. But not even my dreams were able to stop the inevitable uprising by the Fellowship of the Sun, a war that I was suddenly thrust into. Godric/OC
True Blood - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 189,980 - Reviews: 540 - Favs: 387 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 10/8/2011 - Published: 2/2/2011 - Godric - Complete
Sometimes love isnt so kind by wasntme05 reviews
Sookie isn't the only one with special powers, however when Godric comes across this mystery woman. He can't help his feeling towards her, feeling he hasn't felt in over 2000 years. But Godric sometimes love isn't as kind as you think?
True Blood - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 20 - Words: 28,084 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 9/4/2011 - Published: 6/28/2010 - Godric
Monsters In Waiting by Zelda Zonkk reviews
Everyone has a monster in them, hissing and snarling. Mine was only recently discovered. He kept me grounded and sane for the most part. Only sometimes, monsters have a mind of their own. GodricxOC.
True Blood - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 18 - Words: 35,533 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 194 - Updated: 8/5/2011 - Published: 2/25/2011 - Godric
Unknown Protocol by drumbjo reviews
Sookie fled Louisiana to live in London over fifteen years earlier, but now she has to go back for her brother's wedding. What will happen when she sees old faces? What will they think of the changes in her? And will Eric be angry with her? AH
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 145,602 - Reviews: 1146 - Favs: 282 - Follows: 204 - Updated: 6/26/2011 - Published: 1/4/2011 - Sookie, Eric - Complete
Gift from God by Bexta03 reviews
Danielle, a child from Steve Newlin, trades sides and becomes her own person. Fighting along side vampires, she is going agianst her father and leading the vampires to victory. At what price will the victory cost her...will she ever be happy? Godric/OC
True Blood - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 53,946 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 6/17/2011 - Published: 11/2/2009 - Godric - Complete
Ultionis by Mortissues reviews
Part Two of The Whitlock Saga. Decisions have consequences and so do loose ends. The Whitlocks fight for the things they love.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 45 - Words: 93,901 - Reviews: 1298 - Favs: 587 - Follows: 261 - Updated: 5/26/2011 - Published: 3/16/2011 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Unwrapped by joyindenver reviews
After the Nevada-Louisiana takeover & before the Great Reveal, Sookie encounters a stranger who will show her that love doesn't require giving up on her dreams. But will those in her life, humans, shifters, vampires,& fairies make it easy for her? AR
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 103,516 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 5/15/2011 - Published: 9/11/2010 - Sookie, Preston - Complete
The Spy Who Didn't Love Me by nanstanine reviews
Kiley is sent to work in Fangtasia to spy on Sheriff Northman. But, she doesn't belong there and comes under Eric's eye. Rated M for language and possible future citrusy scenes.
True Blood - Rated: M - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 12 - Words: 32,665 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 5/14/2011 - Published: 2/22/2011 - Eric N.
Nothing Is Real by Xtyne reviews
Ellie Cole died that night in the war against the witches. She left behind Eric Northman, the love of her life. Or did she? Ellie wakes to find herself trapped, and can only rely on herself and an annoying Reaper to decide her fate.
True Blood - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 124,718 - Reviews: 298 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 5/8/2011 - Published: 3/17/2011 - Eric N., Godric - Complete
Things Gone Wrong by FlyingBlue reviews
Max once again finds herself and the flock in danger. The flock are in danger from her just staying near them. But this time its a different kind of danger. What will Max do to keep the flock safe? Who is she really? After JEALOUSY, halfway through MAX
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Strange Angels, Lili St. Crow - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,466 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 3/30/2011 - Published: 2/1/2011
Animal Instincts by DecemberSnowfall reviews
One arm was around my waist as he pressed against me from behind, while the other held my chin in it's grip. He tipped my head to the side exposing my neck. "Don't you dare," I said quietly. He breathed one word into my ear as a reply "Mine." Eric/OC
True Blood - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 90,401 - Reviews: 709 - Favs: 744 - Follows: 827 - Updated: 3/22/2011 - Published: 8/17/2009 - Eric N., OC
New Things, and New People by I'm-Alice-Cullen reviews
I suggest you don't read this unless you have read 'Jealousy'. There is a secret no one has known, not even Christophe knows, but it involves Dru. A boy mysteriously shows up at the Schola Prima and seems to know Dru, and everyone in the Schola Prima.
Strange Angels, Lili St. Crow - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,643 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 3/14/2011 - Published: 1/30/2011
Revenge and Retribution by Ryter Ryterson reviews
My version of book 4 : My entire life I've been hunted, wanted dead for what I am. But I'm done lying down and taking the punches. I'm done letting the people I love die. This time they'll be the ones who run. This time they'll be the ones who die.
Strange Angels, Lili St. Crow - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 9 - Words: 9,007 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 3/13/2011 - Published: 9/20/2010
Even At My Most Jaded, I Still Had Hope by Sarifina85 reviews
What if Sookie wasn't raised by Gran and went through the foster system instead after her parents died? Sookie hasn't been back to Bon Temps since she was 7 years old but she's no longer the same girl who left town. AU and canon.
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 57,552 - Reviews: 523 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 380 - Updated: 3/10/2011 - Published: 12/26/2010 - Sookie, Eric
Killing Me Slowly by 0HappyEverAfter0 reviews
With Hallow dead and Mark on the loose, Eric's memory loss threatens his position and his area. With old threats and new, has Sookie become powerful enough on her own to save herself and her vampire?
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 99,637 - Reviews: 301 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 161 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 2/15/2010 - Eric, Sookie
It Cant Be Over by GigiHudson reviews
One-shot. Dru and Christophe have gone into hiding, what happens when he's late from a hunt? She's scared and cannot face up to her true feelings. Dru/Christophe. Please read, I'm crap at summaries. Please review as well!
Strange Angels, Lili St. Crow - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,334 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 2/1/2011 - Published: 1/24/2011
good ol' Damon by hlfudge reviews
Stefan leaves Elena under the care of Damon for three weeks. Elena has tried to warn Damon no fooling around. But as we all know Damon, if he wants somthing he'll get it. Even if it means he has to play dirty please review
Vampire Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 35 - Words: 38,831 - Reviews: 578 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 117 - Updated: 1/25/2011 - Published: 10/14/2010 - Elena G., Damon S. - Complete
Death Eatin' A Cracker by misscyn reviews
Sookie gets a career opportunity she can't refuse.
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 55 - Words: 233,361 - Reviews: 2988 - Favs: 1,262 - Follows: 849 - Updated: 3/26/2010 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Eric, Sookie - Complete
A Fairy Tale by heather5382 reviews
Five months after the fairy-war, and with not so much as a peep from the local supe community, Sookie receives a series of surprise parting gifts from Niall including a sword, a small fortune, and a seductive Irish tutor. Spoilers for all books.
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 56,594 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 2/27/2010 - Published: 2/10/2010 - Sookie
Beautiful Horizons by XxNeenxX reviews
When Lila Morgan moves to the town of Shreveport,her life is forever changed as it's filled with vampires, faeries, and more! Goric/OFC. Rating will rise.
True Blood - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 14,611 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 1/7/2010 - Godric