Author has written 14 stories for Law and Order: SVU.
(Link to my FictionPress page--> http://www.fictionpress.com/u/779425/SilvrBlade. This is where I post my other fiction that isn't SVU.) update 11/21/11 I haven't been writing here in a long while when I get more time and my energy comes back I'll make getting back to this one of my priorities
(Link to my Tumblr blog-->.
I love writing, reading, and anything else that can take up time. I also love talking to people, so don't be a stranger!
WORDS YOU CAN'T SPELL WITHOUT E AND O...
101 Fun Things to Do at Walmart:
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Bat cave!”
26. Run around as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
32. Take bets on the battle described above.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him “I need some tampons!!”
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible “sex and candy”
52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
67. Ask other customers if they would like to join in your tag game.
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).”
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it!
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!”
71. Hit on the elderly.
72. Hit on 5 year olds.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if you’re trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!! I got it!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockroach I’ve ever seen, I think it was pregnant!! Hey look, there’s another one!!” Then Repeat.
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that you’re a cat. Meow when people walk by rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that you’re a prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man” to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you.
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your friend.
80. Excessively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of French fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say “Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart/Kmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You disgust me” Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can.
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When you’re alone, have loud conversations with your “multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.
85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like you’re having some kind of massive seizure.
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if you’re suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see whose watching and run away as fast as your can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department
90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn around.
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone is trying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying.
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized.
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed.
95. Light a match under a sprinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun”. Then walk away.
97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.
98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that you’re a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this”
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen my mommy?”
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO SVU WHEN...
1. You know so much about the actors on the show you could write their biography.
2. You would definitely give Benson or Stabler a kidney in a FLASH if they needed it.
3. EVERY Wednesday night is booked to watch the newest episode of SVU.
4. You make some sort of reference to SVU even when whatever you're doing has nothing to do with it.
5. You cry when Benson or Stabler gets hurt in an episode.
6. You buy magazines you would usually never get unless Mariska Hargitay or Chris Meloni are on the cover.
7. You can recite the opening of the show with your eyes closed.
8. You know that "I'd give you my kidney" means "I love you" in EO language.
9. You can tell which episode and/or season it is based on Olivia's hairstyle
10. You scream at the tv when you know there was just a moment that would've been right for Elliot and Olivia to JUST KISS ALREADY!!
11. You were about to have a mental break down and hated Elliot for about 15 minutes in 2 episodes when he kissed Beck and when she was there holding his hand when he got stabbed.
12. You threw things and yelled "Kathy is your EX-wife! Thats why the EX is there!!" when Elliot slept with Kathy.
13. Law and Order CI puts you to sleep
14. You found out Kathy got pregnant the things you said would make a sailor blush.
15. You weren't bothered one bit by Olivia saying "I found my brother", "He's my brother", or "I have a brother" 100 times in the last few episodes of season 8.
16. You watch SVU WHENEVER it's on despite the amount of times you've seen the episode already.
17. Your idea of math equations are
18. You have the "doink doink" as a ringtone.
19. Your family never asks what you're going to watch on tv; they know it's SVU.
20. You freak out if you miss an episode, even if you've seen it a million times before.
21. You know they just said something funny even though the other people in the living room have no idea they were being funny.
22. You ask yourself "what would Munch do?"
23. You watch "The Love Guru" just because he says "Mariska Hargitay" in the movie. (i just watched the clip with her in it lol)
24. You get mad when there is no SVU marathon.
25. You start having conversations with yourself about whatever episode you're watching.
26. You think "Dani" is a bad four letter word.
27. You mistakenly call SUV's, SVU's. (I did this once with a magazine! It said new SUV and I thought it said new SVU... I was sorely dissapointed.)
28. You know the difference between the SVU and CI theme songs.
29. Even small things, like the word "conspiraces" make you think of Munch.
30. You know what the phrases "Moredock has dolphin porn" and "Porter and the teddy bear filled with cocaine" mean.
31. You constantly wonder when Casey will return from her disbarrment.
32. Something SVU related is mentioned and everyone looks at you.
33. When the perp asks a question you and Olivia/Elliot answer with the same answer at the same time.
34. You hum the theme song and your friends glare at you.
35. You watched the episode of Seinfield for the EXPRESS REASON that Mariska Hargitay was in it (for all of two seconds, which you found quite dissapointing).
36. You have dreams that you are part of the show and are catching criminals.
37. You have dreams that you are Olivia/Elliot and are catching criminals.
38. These dreams have made you realize you want to work in the Special Victims Unit.
39. You seriously consider joining the police force after watching the show.
40. You rejoiced to the heavens for twenty full minutes when Dani Beck left the show.
41. You refer to Kathy as "She-who-must-not-be-named" and use the phrase frequently.
42. You are thinking of naming your kids Elliot and Olivia, Casey and John, etc.
43. You know the characters' lines before they've said them.
44. Other crime shows put you to sleep.
45. You cried uncontrollably when Calvin was taken away from Olivia... and then rewound it to watch it again.
46. When people complain that they want to watch something else, you grab the remote and growl at them menacingly, daring them to try to take it from you.
47. When your friends reach for the remote to change the show from SVU, you glare at them and threaten to bite their hand if they touch it.
48. When they try to take the remote, you bite their hand, fulfilling your promise.
49. When they begin to yell at you for biting them, you turn back to the screen and complain that they are distracting you from your show and tell them to shut up.
50. You shreiked when you thought you saw Mariska Hargitay as Spencer's mom on Pretty Little Liars.
51. You proceeded to watch Pretty Little Liars in hopes of seeing "Mariska" again.
52. When you were told it was NOT Mariska, you called the actress who looks like her a "wanna-be bitch" and other words that would make a sailor blush.
53. When someone says "JFK", you think back to Munch's picture of JFK on his desk.
54. When you watched Zebras and saw Olivia kiss the blonde dude, your mouth hung open during the entire kiss. Then, you cackled with glee when Elliot kicked him, yelling "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR KISSING ELLIOT'S WOMAN!"
55. You surf the web looking for upcoming shows that that cast might be in. (I do this constantly.)
56. You yelled at the televsion until morning when Mariska lost her Screen Actors Guild Award to the lead actress on The Good Wife. (Stupid bitch can't even act! >:P)
57. When they ask you who you look up to in school your reply is "Detective Olivia Benson" (Elliot Stabler... etc.)
58. When someone puts down the show you are quick to defend with a swift "Oh, and did you win multiple Acadedmy Awards for your performance? I don't THINK so!"
59. Whenever someone figures out something you announce "Bing bang bong!"
60. During an intense moment, you shout "DUN DUN!"
61. You are always looking over shoulder, looking for a chance to chasea perp down the street like Elliot and Olivia.
62. YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR PROFILE TO WARN OTHERS OF THEIR POSSIBLE SVU OBSESSION!
I had to post this here... got it from lawandorderSVUismylife's profile page. It's my all-time favorite poem. The best poem you'll ever read.
Makes You Think;
For all the free people that still protest, you're welcome,
We are your fathers, brothers and sons,
We are the ones who fight and die.
So when you rally your group to complain,
We came here to fight for the ones we hold dear,
When the conflict is over and all is well...
R.I.P Those Men & Women who have fought & who have fallen for their country.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if well-aimed.
Paper may beat rock, but cannonball makes a big hole in paper.
One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.
It's always the last place you look for it... of course it is! Why would you keep looking if you found it?
I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply?
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.
WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.
If silence is golden, is talking silver?
Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have.
Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
My favorite word is sarcasm.
Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.
If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?
Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person.
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?
I'm not littering... just donating to the Earth.
It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.
I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.
Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
A good friend will say, "If you fall, I'll help you up." A best friend will say, "If you fall, I'm going to laugh so hard."
A friend will visit you if you're in jail. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in the cell sitting next to you and say, "Dude! That was AWESOME! Let's do that again!"
If practice makes perfect and no one's perfect, why practice?
I'm nobody. Nobody's perfect; therefore, I'm perfect.
Saw it. Wanted it. Threw a fit. Got it.
A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until she's in hot water.
You remind me of my husband (boy who had a crush on me, actually) execpt you're not buried in the backyard.
There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
The statistics on insanity are that 1 of every 4 people has some kind of mental illness. Look at your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.
Some people think I'm insane. If you've ever been called insane before, copy this and put it in your profile.
If every time someone asked you about what Maximum Ride was about you gave them a crazy look saying am-I-really-hanging-out-with-you, copy and paste this in your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
If ignorance is bliss, then why is there school?
Dumb man fish on land, smart man fish on boat, dead man fish in middle.
The solution to skin cancer…become nocturnal.
Strange is only a matter of perspective.
When you're little, toys are colorful chunks of plastic. When you're older, they're something that's potentially dangerous.
I reject your reality and substitute it with my own. (Mythbusters)
Here are some funny things to think about...
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
Put this on your profile, if you ever pushed the door that said pull.
If you have run into a window that you thought was an open door copy this into your profile.
2 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of that 8 percent that would be laughing their bums off.
Being mature is overrated.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver
Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why.
Be insane . . . because well behaved girls never made history.
If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?
Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . .
We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But we teenage girls are good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.
Life was so simple when boys had cooties!
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A SQUIRREL!
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends don't carry knives.
"Dreams like a podcast,
I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss.
Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
“I am sick of people having a near death experience and saying they saw the light. You know what the paramedics do when they first arrive? THEY SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYE! That’s not GOD…it’s a MAGLIGHT!” Tony V.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. No more to say for that.
People who say it can't be done should not interrupt those of us who are doing it.
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
Why is it that some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
It is wise to walk a mile in a man's shoes before judging him... That way you're a mile away and you have his shoes.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese; there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mom or dad, or my older brother Collin, or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu, but I think it's Colin.
"I know water doesn't bite! What a stupid thing to say! Water doesn't have to bite you! You drown in it you moron!"
"You know, I do not think that means what you think it means." Inigo Montoyez
Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day but set the man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
It's all fun and games until the other person loses their sanity.
I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!
People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.
"You mean they're taking the thoughts we think we thought and making them thoughts we think we thought... I think."
"What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come."
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”
Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
"Set sail in a general that way direction."
It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?
I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
Whose cruel idea was it for the words ‘lisp’ to have an‘s’ in it?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?
Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.
Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Life was so simple when boys had cooties
Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
I’m the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”
“Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
“If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.”
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
“Shut it, voices, or I’ll poke you with a spork
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.
Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
-STRESS: a condition brought on by over-riding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperatly deserves it.
-Never argue with a stupid person; first, they'll drag you down to their level, then they'll beat you with experience.
-Never be afraid to try something new; remember, amatures built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic!
-Be nice to nerds, chances are one day, you'll end up working for them.
-Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyways.
-There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
-How is it that a careless match starts a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?
-Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.
-WARNING: tresspassers will be shot. WARNING: survivors will be shot again.
-It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?
-That which does not kill you, will probably try again.
-I'm not tense, I'm just terribly terribly alert.
-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-This is not something that should be tossed aside lightly, it should be thrown with great force.
-I like work, it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it forever.
-Whoever said nothing was impossible has obviously never tried slamming a revolving door!
-When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-If everything is going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
-I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem!
-The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
-Everyone makes mistakes; the trick is to make them when no one is looking.
-The only subsitute for bad manners is quick reflexes.
-SHIN: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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