Kitty Burglar
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Joined 02-08-11, id: 2741484, Profile Updated: 01-29-19
Author has written 9 stories for Harry Potter, Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings.

Don't follow in my footsteps... I run into walls.

"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity" – Edgar Allen Poe

"A paradox is truth standing on it's head to attract attention" - Nicolas Falletta

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. - Rita Mae Brown

You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person!

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy. - Dave Barry

When I'm old, I don't want them to say of me, "She's so charming." I want them to say, "Be careful, I think she's armed."

I didn't slap you, I high fived you in the face.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

Life is a tragedy to those who feel, a comedy to those who think - fortune cookie

It wasn't attempted murder...I missed.

Ever noticed that "studying" is the word "student" and "dying" put together?

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and watch the world wonder how you did it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for my kick boxing.

"A truth told with cruelness beats all the lies you could imagine" - William Blake

Join the Marine Corps, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Never tickle a sleeping dragon.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

If I could get a firm grip on reality I'd choke it.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like heck.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Screw you and the horse you rode in on!-anonymous

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG" I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking leeches?

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died."

Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and it is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Come to the Dark Side... we have cookies!

"I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way.which is really the WRONG way, only faster."

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How Like Hatred by Lomonaaeren reviews
LMNB, otherwise gen. Harry has learned that speaking in Parseltongue makes some people hate him and others fear him. He had not learned that it would make Draco go straight to his parents and tell them that he has reason to suspect "Harry Potter" is actually his missing twin brother. As far as Harry is concerned, life would be a lot better if he was the Heir of Slytherin.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 105,681 - Reviews: 433 - Favs: 1,069 - Follows: 1,177 - Updated: 11/25 - Published: 11/11/2019 - [Lucius M., Narcissa M.] Harry P., Draco M.
Two For One by Ourliazo reviews
Harry thinks to himself; why not? So he picks up a little Tom Riddle and tries to indoctrinate the boy into following a Gryffindor approved set of morals. He grabs Gellert Grindelwald too because if he screws up with one, he still has another try. (Poor Harry never does stand a chance.)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 43 - Words: 51,992 - Reviews: 586 - Favs: 1,108 - Follows: 1,329 - Updated: 11/24 - Published: 2/26/2017 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr., Gellert G., Death
Ignore the Dementor by NinjaPandaScholar reviews
"Ignore the dementor; really, it's fine. There are no monsters here. It's just me…Harry." When things go very wrong before his fifth year, Harry Potter tries to pretend everything is normal…while also taking care of his Harry-suit so that it stays healthy and alive and learning to reign in his new powers, yeah everything is definitely normal. Creature!Fic
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 131,715 - Reviews: 259 - Favs: 810 - Follows: 884 - Updated: 10/19 - Published: 7/5 - [Harry P., Luna L.] - Complete
47 The Long, Harsh Road by Amorphous Blue Blob reviews
When Harry turns ten, he starts having dreams of another world, and another life. As a result, a rather different Harry Potter attends Hogwarts, preparing for not one, but two, coming wars. And, this time, he's not alone. COMPLETE. See profile for more details. A "Harry is", reincarnation and time-travel, fic, after an AU of Thor: The Dark World. HPbookverse-centric, all years.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 169 - Words: 685,497 - Reviews: 786 - Favs: 2,153 - Follows: 2,605 - Updated: 10/15 - Published: 5/14/2019 - Harry P., Sirius B., Thor, Loki - Complete
Win The War: Consanguinity by Luna Carmesi reviews
Petunia finally has an excuse to get rid of Harry, who finds himself in another abusive home. But then there is Severus living nearby, who - at first reluctantly - will try to help the boy. Will they find common ground?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 15 - Words: 87,349 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 241 - Follows: 440 - Updated: 10/11 - Published: 9/9/2012 - Harry P., Severus S., Theodore N., Tobias S.
Just Like His Father by jeka1215 reviews
A careless mistake causes a catastrophic accident that reveals secrets long-hidden which could alter the course of Harry's life forever.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 20 - Words: 114,464 - Reviews: 169 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 474 - Updated: 9/28 - Published: 7/2/2020 - Harry P., Severus S.
Dreamers by Bobika reviews
It took the dwarves of Erebor one meeting with an Easterling thief to change the course of history. - A competent fem!Harry crossover, spanning from the reclamation of Erebor to the end of the Third Age.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 75,965 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 879 - Follows: 1,279 - Updated: 9/12 - Published: 1/31 - Harry P.
His Twenty-Eighth Life by Lomonaaeren reviews
HPLV. Harry Potter has been reborn again and again into new bodies as the Master of Death—but he has always helped to defeat Voldemort in each new world. Now his slightly older brother is the target of the prophecy, and Harry assumes his role is to support Jonathan. At least, that's what he thinks until Voldemort kidnaps him that Halloween night.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 78 - Words: 244,431 - Reviews: 2587 - Favs: 3,363 - Follows: 3,904 - Updated: 9/7 - Published: 8/1/2017 - [Harry P., Voldemort]
Harry Potter and the Spiteful Sorting Hat by Evening Ego reviews
"Not Slytherin, eh?" said the small voice with a touch of malicious glee. "Are you sure? You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head. And Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that..."
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 91 - Words: 397,738 - Reviews: 485 - Favs: 866 - Follows: 1,225 - Updated: 8/21 - Published: 7/31/2017 - Harry P., Draco M., Blaise Z., Millicent B.
October by The Carnivorous Muffin reviews
It is not paradox to rewrite history, in the breath of a single moment a universe blooms into existence as another path fades from view, Tom Riddle meets an aberration on the train to Hogwarts and the rest is in flux. AU, time travel, Death!Harry, Tom/Lily and Tom/Harry, not threesome
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 58 - Words: 220,818 - Reviews: 2584 - Favs: 3,882 - Follows: 4,375 - Updated: 8/6 - Published: 4/29/2014 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr., Lily Evans P.]
you belong to me (i belong to you) by Child-OTKW reviews
After an accident, Harry wakes up in the body of fourteen year old Nathan Ciro, a tormented Slytherin who recently tried to end his own life. His return to Hogwarts causes quite the stir through the staff and students, especially when they realise he is not the same boy as before. He tries to keep his head down, but Tom Riddle has a habit of making himself Harry's problem.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 17 - Words: 99,883 - Reviews: 1137 - Favs: 2,156 - Follows: 2,654 - Updated: 8/4 - Published: 6/22/2017 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr., Orion B., Death
Harry Potter and the Scrambled Sorting by TendraelUmbra reviews
The houses of Hogwarts are growing stagnant, and a certain sentient Hat is dismayed over this turn of events. It decides to take matters into its own hands, taking advantage of several obscure rules to sort students where the Hat wants them, not where heredity or their own desires want them to be. The result? A mess that gradually pulls the student body into utter chaos.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 112,434 - Reviews: 860 - Favs: 3,293 - Follows: 4,615 - Updated: 6/20 - Published: 4/8/2019 - Harry P., Hermione G., Daphne G., Tracey D.
Far Too Many Time Travelers by Lord Jeram reviews
Someone has a daring plan to go back in time and fix everything. No wait, not him, I meant the other... how many people have time traveled anyway? Poor Harry seems to be the only normal one left.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 90,141 - Reviews: 546 - Favs: 1,639 - Follows: 2,183 - Updated: 6/17 - Published: 2/9/2011 - Harry P.
The Ordinary Life of a Sidekick by Tea33 reviews
Ron Weasley was a sidekick. He knew what everyone said, despite many believing him to be stupid. He was Harry Potter's best mate, a part of the supposed Golden Trio. So nothing too bad would happen to him, right, being a sidekick and all? He'd always be there, ready for the next round. Wrong. Ron is unprepared when he is attacked by a vampire just a few weeks before sixth year.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Tragedy - Chapters: 31 - Words: 227,338 - Reviews: 200 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 4/9 - Published: 5/4/2020 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G.
Going Mortal by Siguror reviews
Silly story where Harry Potter was raised in secret as the ultimate anti Death Eater living weapon by Albus Dumbledore and Sirius Black. Lord Voldemort finally killed once and for all, Harry is now free from his duty, and fulfill his long life dream, enrolling as a normal sixth year student at Hogwarts to study actual Ministry approved Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 33,406 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 3/21 - Published: 4/22/2019 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Ginny W.
Lay Down In Potter's Field by Ebenbild reviews
"Every Potter who died on a Potter's Field always returned to the living." The dead are watching. The dead have always been watching. And when their Master jumps through time back to his fourth year and is promptly killed, they answer his call. Time travel! MoD!Harry
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 13,571 - Reviews: 252 - Favs: 1,041 - Follows: 1,368 - Updated: 1/1 - Published: 5/20/2020 - Harry P., Cedric D., Tom R. Sr.
With love, Harry by MidgyTSlayer reviews
In which Harry goes back in time, adopts his arch nemesis and pulls one infamous Dark Lord into his madness somewhere along the way. "Surprise! Tom, meet your grandfather!" "Harry. That's Gellert Grindelwald." "I know. Isn't it exciting? And he'll be tutoring you to be the greatest Dark Lord ever!" "What?" TimeTravelAU. MOD!Harry. Not Slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 41,986 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 703 - Follows: 892 - Updated: 7/25/2020 - Published: 5/14/2017 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr., Gellert G., Death
I Dare You To Lose Control by Halia Stone reviews
"There's something I need you to do for me." - The hooks are digging in too tight; the strings suffocating... powerless against the puppet master. [Warning: heavy elements of abuse/murder, gore and violence and graphic slash between two males - AU-ish setting for season 4 of the show]
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Angst/Suspense - Chapters: 7 - Words: 57,360 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 135 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 7/16/2020 - Published: 4/21/2015 - [Damon S., Klaus]
Dance With the Devil by Halia Stone reviews
He was caught up in a deadly game with the world's most powerful supernatural being, Klaus Mikaelson, through events beyond his control; Damon wasn't sure if he was going to make it out alive. Hunter!Damon AU
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 46,153 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 7/16/2020 - Published: 9/20/2019 - [Damon S., Klaus]
The Jedi of Little Whinging by Asviloka reviews
Harry Potter was not killed in Godric's Hollow, his spirit sent to a distant galaxy where he lived a lifetime training as the Jedi Hari. Now, his life there ended, the rituals and charms protecting him called his soul back to its original place: a young magician ready to start his training anew, in a world where the Force lies dormant and darkness is called by another name.
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 40,118 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 841 - Follows: 1,311 - Updated: 7/7/2020 - Published: 12/25/2017 - Harry P.
Whiskey Time Travel by Sapper One reviews
When Unspeakable Harry Potter wakes up in 1978, he determines he's either A: In the past. Or B: In a mental hospital. At least the firewhiskey still tastes the same. Waiting tables at the Three Broomsticks, drunken death eater bar fights, annoying an attractive but pushy auror, and avoiding his mother's crush on him is just another day in the life of Harry Potter.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 32,948 - Reviews: 2094 - Favs: 12,298 - Follows: 15,266 - Updated: 6/26/2020 - Published: 5/7/2015 - Harry P., Amelia B., Rosmerta, Nicolas F.
Weekly Voldie by MirrorShard reviews
OotP!AU: Harry needs a hobby. Luna offers to show him the ropes in investigative journalism. Now all he needs is a topic he knows well and has a lot to say about... — In other words: Luna Lovegood is Luna Lovegood, Harry is done with the Wizarding World, Ron is along for the ride and Hermione really doesn't have time to stop Harry from becoming a Dark Lord. Crack with a little plot
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 31,982 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 358 - Follows: 506 - Updated: 6/12/2020 - Published: 8/13/2018 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Luna L.
No Strings Attached by Halia Stone reviews
"You're angry, I'm angry. Use me." - Set from 3x14 onwards. Two angry souls find each other in the bar that night, and end up striking a deal. Warnings: Dub-con, violence, gore and slash in later chapters.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 120,740 - Reviews: 345 - Favs: 673 - Follows: 566 - Updated: 5/17/2020 - Published: 10/8/2013 - [Damon S., Klaus] - Complete
The Man in the Diary by ReneeHart reviews
Harry sees Malfoy slip the diary inside Ginny's cauldron and decides to take it. It was something so simple. Something so so unassuming, so innocent seeming. It was just a book after all, and what harm could ever come from a book? Was going to be a one-shot, now made into a multi chapter fic because I have no self control.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 11 - Words: 106,571 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 239 - Updated: 4/19/2020 - Published: 5/12/2017 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr.
Memento Vivere by Calai'di reviews
AU of OotP and later. After learning the truth of exactly how badly vampires are treated in the Wizarding world, Harry takes it upon himself to improve their lives, in whatever way he can. eventual Dark!Harry, vampire!Harry, HP/LV/Sanguini
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 17 - Words: 157,827 - Reviews: 284 - Favs: 998 - Follows: 1,225 - Updated: 4/19/2020 - Published: 9/23/2011 - [Harry P., Voldemort, Sanguini] Draco M.
Five Istari and Four Warlocks by darienqmk reviews
Harry, Ron, Fleur and Katie travel to Middle-Earth as part of their interdimensional apparition experiment. The four pseudo-immortals tend to procrastinate a lot. Just like Gandalf and the Elves, really.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 106,061 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 655 - Follows: 863 - Updated: 2/14/2020 - Published: 6/18/2019 - Harry P., Fleur D., Gandalf
Diablerie by Oceanbreeze7 reviews
Tom Riddle, 15 years old, in the middle of the London Blitz suddenly finds himself in a future with no allies, resources, information, and everyone he knows treats him with enough restraint to not murder him on the spot. It takes a lot to truly ruin a human being, to rot them so thoroughly even fruit flies avoid the stench. Tom doesn't want this bullshit, he doesn't want to die
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 25 - Words: 181,002 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 314 - Follows: 316 - Updated: 12/19/2019 - Published: 11/21/2018 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Prodigal Delinquent by Ethereal Euphoria reviews
AU. Little Harry Potter knew from the moment he defied the laws of gravity and made a pebble accelerate at a freefall of 8.9 m/s 2, that he was going to have fun learning about the rules of all the known universe… and breaking every single one of them. WARNING: Sporadic Updates.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 72,688 - Reviews: 2272 - Favs: 7,864 - Follows: 9,692 - Updated: 10/20/2019 - Published: 6/4/2008 - Harry P.
The Havoc side of the Force by Tsu Doh Nimh reviews
I have a singularly impressive talent for messing up the plans of very powerful people - both good and evil. Somehow, I'm always just in the right place at exactly the wrong time. What can I say? It's a gift.
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Mystery - Chapters: 24 - Words: 207,600 - Reviews: 7599 - Favs: 17,306 - Follows: 19,470 - Updated: 8/24/2019 - Published: 9/6/2012 - Anakin Skywalker, Harry P.
Harry Potter: Into the Potterverse by GanHOPE326 reviews
Harry raised his head from the book he was reading, snugly sat on top of his bunk, at the topmost floor of Ravenclaw Tower. Right in front of him, he saw himself. And that was only the least strange thing that would happen on that day...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,380 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 28 - Published: 7/7/2019 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Through the Veil by darienqmk reviews
Two alcoholic men decide to jump through the Veil. This takes them back to August 1st, 1993. They don't have much to lose, anyway - the only thing left to do is to go around and piss everyone off, true Marauder fashion. So they do exactly that.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 115,525 - Reviews: 238 - Favs: 1,044 - Follows: 803 - Updated: 6/13/2019 - Published: 2/13/2019 - Harry P., Ron W. - Complete
Something to Live For by Grey Silver Hawk reviews
Harry sacrificed everything to kill the Dark Lord. He sacrificed more to kill the next one. And the next. And the next. By the end, he had nothing left to give, and nothing left to win. Burdened by failure, he's thrown into a new world with familiar faces and unfamiliar personalities, and must fight to survive. AU, Dimension Travel, Graphic Violence.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 103,756 - Reviews: 546 - Favs: 2,764 - Follows: 3,592 - Updated: 5/25/2019 - Published: 4/1/2019 - [Harry P., Bellatrix L.] James P., Tom R. Jr.
Full Circle by tetsurashian reviews
Harry and Tom's souls are tied together. Which is why they're in this endless loop of rebirth. At some point, they stopped caring and just started fucking with people. (slightly crack AU w/ some seriousness) MoD!Harry, kinda soulmates!TMRHP SLASH M/M
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 71,334 - Reviews: 3190 - Favs: 8,843 - Follows: 9,422 - Updated: 1/31/2019 - Published: 4/21/2016 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
Miscommunication Is Wonderful by Right What Is Wrong reviews
During the war with Voldemort, several witches and wizards independently come to a single conclusion: Voldemort has a Horcrux that must be destroyed. Luckily, each of them are thinking about a different one. Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,212 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 263 - Follows: 83 - Published: 1/21/2019 - James P., Regulus B., Andromeda T., Amelia B. - Complete
That Awful Boy by paracosim reviews
Petunia lets slip a twenty-year-old secret, and Dumbledore sends Harry to Spinner's End to study Occlumency early. Severus Snape can see no way in which this could end in catastrophe. Fifth Year AU, Slow Burn Snupin. Cross-posted on Ao3
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 29 - Words: 98,640 - Reviews: 314 - Favs: 453 - Follows: 569 - Updated: 1/4/2019 - Published: 6/2/2011 - [Remus L., Severus S.] Harry P. - Complete
Storybook Hero by dogbertcarroll reviews
Harry is sure he's living in a fairy tale with himself as the hero. Really, what else makes sense?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 20,978 - Reviews: 1451 - Favs: 4,131 - Follows: 4,587 - Updated: 12/20/2018 - Published: 11/30/2011 - Harry P.
Antithesis by Oceanbreeze7 reviews
Revenge is the misguided attempt to transform shame and pain into pride. Being forsaken and neglected, ignored and forgotten, revenge seems a fairly competent obligation. Good thing he's going to make his brother pay. Dark!Harry! Slytherin!Harry! WrongBoyWhoLived.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 81 - Words: 483,433 - Reviews: 2212 - Favs: 4,088 - Follows: 3,711 - Updated: 10/31/2018 - Published: 6/27/2016 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Dolores Demented by Right What Is Wrong reviews
Dolores Umbridge is a half-blood, but not in the way anyone thinks. [Oneshot. Crack.]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,087 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 22 - Published: 10/19/2018 - Dolores U., Dementors - Complete
Again and Again by Athey reviews
The Do-Over Fic - a chance to do things again, but this time-To Get it Right. But is it really such a blessing as it appears? A jaded, darker, bitter, and tired wizard who just wants to die; but can't. A chance to learn how to live, from the most unexpected source. slytherin!harry, dark!harry, eventual slash, lv/hp
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 44 - Words: 335,972 - Reviews: 6229 - Favs: 13,122 - Follows: 12,794 - Updated: 10/7/2018 - Published: 5/25/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr.
Reformed, Returned and Really Trying by Starfox5 reviews
AU. With Albus dead, there's only one wizard left to continue his fight. His oldest friend. His true love. There's no better choice for defeating a Dark Lord bent on murdering all muggleborns than the one wizard who gathered them under his banner once before. True, things went a little out of hand, but Gellert Grindelwald has changed. If only everyone else would realise this...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 52,946 - Reviews: 280 - Favs: 1,319 - Follows: 690 - Updated: 8/31/2018 - Published: 8/25/2018 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Gellert G. - Complete
Boredom Is Deadly by preciousann reviews
For Harry, the 'next great adventure' isn't really all that great. After two-thousand years of dealing with the whining souls of the dead, he decides to spice things up a bit…by returning to his first year at Hogwarts. Crackfic! MOD!Harry Darkish!Harry GaryStu!Harry with a twist. NO Bashing!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 90,543 - Reviews: 470 - Favs: 2,494 - Follows: 2,770 - Updated: 10/20/2017 - Published: 6/10/2015 - Harry P., Severus S., Albus D., Tom R. Jr.
Myth of the Hourglass by RLSdreadnault reviews
Voldemort exiles Harry to the time of the Founders in an attempt to dispose of him permanently. Harry struggles to make the best of his situation and return to the future. His friends scramble to find him in history as Voldemort builds his power.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 94,286 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 590 - Follows: 624 - Updated: 9/5/2017 - Published: 11/28/2010 - Harry P., Ginny W.
On a Pale Horse by Hyliian reviews
AU. When Dumbledore tried to summon a hero from another world to deal with their Dark Lord problem, this probably wasn't what he had in mind. MoD!Harry, Godlike!Harry, Unhinged!Harry. Dumbledore bashing. DISCONTINUED.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 69,349 - Reviews: 4922 - Favs: 15,100 - Follows: 15,957 - Updated: 8/26/2017 - Published: 9/11/2014 - Harry P. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Slightly Suggestive Handshake by The Solitary Sandpiper reviews
In order to increase 'the power the Dark Lord knows not,' Dumbledore gives baby Harry a powerful love potion. This bold move results in...unusual consequences. Witness Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, Boy-Who-Caught-the-Snitch-Two-Times, and Boy-Who-Conquered-Voldemort-But-Did-Not-Kill-Him at his very best...which is considerably less impressive than everyone expects. AU.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 22,087 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 8/12/2017 - Published: 3/4/2016 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G.
Hitting the tomes by Arasinyah reviews
The world, universe, fate, it's all very complicated. Too complicated in fact and explaining it would take far too long, better to move on. The important thing is that everything is connected. The Universe can be changed by the simplest little things. Harry Potter's life changed because of one simple thing: Homework.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 27,736 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 482 - Follows: 661 - Updated: 4/24/2017 - Published: 6/28/2016 - Harry P., Sirius B., Petunia D.
Circular Reasoning by Swimdraconian reviews
Torn from a desolate future, Harry awakens in his teenage body with a hefty debt on his soul. Entangled in his lies and unable to trust even his own fraying sanity, he struggles to stay ahead of his enemies. Desperation is the new anthem of violence.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Horror - Chapters: 28 - Words: 243,394 - Reviews: 2114 - Favs: 6,080 - Follows: 6,629 - Updated: 4/16/2017 - Published: 11/28/2005 - Harry P.
Black Magic by Lunatic Howling in the Night reviews
Harry expected death to be uneventful and Dark Lord free. True to form, none of his expectations were met, including the one involving him being dead. No pairings.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 42,847 - Reviews: 358 - Favs: 1,554 - Follows: 2,076 - Updated: 3/17/2017 - Published: 10/17/2014 - Harry P.
Justice, Justice Shall You Pursue by White Squirrel reviews
Goblin courts are inhumane, the Ministry thinks it can arrange marriages, and Voldemort wants to oppress everybody. The muggle government is not amused.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 35,865 - Reviews: 627 - Favs: 2,515 - Follows: 1,843 - Updated: 10/18/2016 - Published: 5/23/2016 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Dear Order by SilverWolf7007 reviews
"I'm still alive, as you may surmise from this note. Of course, I could be dead and someone is faking the letter to fool you…" Harry is NOT happy about being left at Privet Drive all summer with no one to talk to.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 29,689 - Reviews: 7211 - Favs: 15,680 - Follows: 11,957 - Updated: 9/19/2016 - Published: 9/17/2006 - Harry P., Hermione G., Luna L. - Complete
Harry Potter: Junior Inquisitor by sprinter1988 reviews
Before the start of fifth year Dumbledore changes the plans. Unfortunately he didn't bother to inform Harry. At his trial, Harry realises that it is down to him to save his own skin. To do so his Slytherin side must come out to play, and once it's out it sticks around turning life at Hogwarts on its head. Warnings: EvilDumbles, SheepOrder/Staff, GoodGuysDontGetEverythingTheirWay
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 218,697 - Reviews: 8841 - Favs: 15,757 - Follows: 18,736 - Updated: 8/20/2016 - Published: 1/16/2013 - Harry P., Susan B., Hannah A., Amelia B.
Dreams and Darkness Collide by Epic Solemnity reviews
AUSLASH! Though he was raised without the expectation of saving the world, Harry still possesses a savior complex. Only, it's so dark and twistedly immoral, he created an alter ego to practice vigilantism. His second identity makes a name for himself and immediately ensnares Minister Riddle's complete and obsessive attention. A game of cat and mouse begins and morals are questioned
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Crime/Horror - Chapters: 30 - Words: 215,747 - Reviews: 2479 - Favs: 3,865 - Follows: 4,152 - Updated: 8/14/2016 - Published: 5/16/2011 - [Harry P., Voldemort] Kingsley S.
A Marauder's Plan by CatsAreCool reviews
Sirius decides to stay in England after escaping Hogwarts and makes protecting Harry his priority. AU GOF.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 87 - Words: 893,787 - Reviews: 11907 - Favs: 19,899 - Follows: 13,463 - Updated: 6/13/2016 - Published: 4/21/2012 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Reforged by SleeperAwakens reviews
Harry's encounter with Voldemort in the end of the first book didn't end like we thought. Riddle didn't pass an opportunity to screw with the boy's brain. In the end, that small difference ended up changing Harry into someone who would become so much more than merely "Dark Lord's equal"...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 137,337 - Reviews: 502 - Favs: 2,293 - Follows: 2,152 - Updated: 3/26/2016 - Published: 3/29/2014 - Harry P., Hermione G., Sirius B. - Complete
0800-Rent-A-Hero by brainthief reviews
Magic can solve all the Wizarding World's problems. What's that? A prophecy that insists on a person? Things not quite going your way? I know, lets use this here ritual to summon another! It'll be great! - An eighteen year old Harry is called upon to deal with another dimension's irksome Dark Lord issue. This displeases him. EWE - AU HBP
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 159,580 - Reviews: 3960 - Favs: 11,915 - Follows: 13,623 - Updated: 12/24/2015 - Published: 4/4/2015 - Harry P.
If Looks Could Kill by questionablequotation reviews
ONE-SHOT: After Arthur Weasley nearly dies at the Ministry, Harry wonders why Voldemort's snake isn't something more exotic...really, no self-respecting Parseltongue should limit himself to something as mundane as a regular snake. In which Harry makes use of what he learned in Care of Magical Creatures, Kreacher is forced to cooperate, and the Chamber hides a new Secret..
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,243 - Reviews: 447 - Favs: 5,729 - Follows: 1,733 - Published: 10/21/2015 - Complete
The Hogwarts Strike Team by Myricle reviews
An older and more experienced Harry and Hermione return to their first year at Hogwarts. Their goals? Assassinate Death Eaters, destroy Horcruxes, and deal with Voldemort's hidden contingency plan... by any means necessary. And maybe they'll fix a few other things along the way. UNLIKELY TO BE FINISHED
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 219,157 - Reviews: 1446 - Favs: 3,029 - Follows: 3,940 - Updated: 9/22/2015 - Published: 11/6/2014 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Rebirth by Athey reviews
Two boys grow up together in an orphanage, grow powerful at school, are torn apart by death and brought back together by rebirth. Horcruxes aren't the only way to live forever. Necromancy, reincarnation, TR/HP Slash dark!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 40 - Words: 269,743 - Reviews: 3087 - Favs: 8,284 - Follows: 6,144 - Updated: 8/16/2015 - Published: 11/18/2010 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr.
Harry Potter and the Something Something by Legendary Legacy reviews
Hey, wouldn't it be cool if someone took as many fanfic cliches as possible and stuffed them all into one story? No? Well, I went ahead and did it anyway. Multi-chapter Mockfic. This summary is actually a lot better than I originally thought.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 26,891 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 770 - Follows: 658 - Updated: 5/4/2015 - Published: 7/18/2011 - Harry P.
Trial By Troll by DLPalindrome reviews
The boy from the train was right. In order to be Sorted, they really did have to fight a troll.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,956 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 533 - Follows: 366 - Published: 3/11/2015 - Harry P. - Complete
Seventh Horcrux by Emerald Ashes reviews
The presence of a foreign soul may have unexpected side effects on a growing child. I am Lord Volde...Harry Potter. I'm Harry Potter. In which Harry is insane, Hermione is a Dark Lady-in-training, Ginny is a minion, and Ron is confused.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 21 - Words: 104,212 - Reviews: 1854 - Favs: 10,262 - Follows: 4,812 - Updated: 2/3/2015 - Published: 9/7/2014 - Harry P. - Complete
Adrift in a World by Miss Whiskers reviews
Harry Potter is thrown into an alternate universe due to archaic rules of magic. Hiding under the alias of Chris Collins, he tries to find a place among the suspicion of those he knew and some he never did, as Voldemort's power grows.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 172,757 - Reviews: 3706 - Favs: 5,855 - Follows: 6,204 - Updated: 12/30/2014 - Published: 6/12/2006 - Harry P.
Heir by Na'hiel reviews
ABANDONED. When Harry was five, he met his best friend: the sliver of another man's soul living inside of him. Things would never be the same again. Eventual HP/DM slash with other slash and non-slash couples.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 183,166 - Reviews: 1093 - Favs: 2,032 - Follows: 2,388 - Updated: 10/19/2014 - Published: 8/4/2012 - Harry P., Draco M.
One Wizard Too Many by KUCrow1997 reviews
Harry gets picked for the Triwizard Tournament. He does not like this. Mayhem, destruction, and HHR. OOC Harry. M for violence and frequent profanity.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 61,117 - Reviews: 1953 - Favs: 5,689 - Follows: 6,527 - Updated: 5/23/2014 - Published: 8/2/2011 - Harry P., Hermione G.
To the Waters and the Wild by Paimpont reviews
While flying back from Godric's Hollow, Hagrid accidentally drops baby Harry over a wild forest. Harry is raised by rebel fairies until his Hogwarts letter arrives. The Dark Lord is in for a surprise... HP/LV romance. SLASH.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 62,146 - Reviews: 5988 - Favs: 11,462 - Follows: 12,431 - Updated: 2/21/2014 - Published: 4/3/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort
Harry Potter and the Magnificent Farce by Angel Erin Arcturus reviews
Harry Potter and his group of friends struggle through the school year, try to stop Voldemort's evil plans, and cause trouble for each other. No specified pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 27 - Words: 70,055 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 11/4/2013 - Published: 6/8/2011 - Harry P., Draco M., Luna L., Seamus F.
Insane Asylum Escapees by RuneWitchSakura reviews
This is a series of oneshots that involve Harry believing that everyone in the 'magical' world is insane. Starts with Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall getting Harry, instead of Hagrid, and goes in random order from there. Involves much sarcasm from Harry. Feel free to adopt.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 10,203 - Reviews: 1496 - Favs: 4,261 - Follows: 3,242 - Updated: 10/11/2013 - Published: 5/12/2007 - Harry P.
Delenda Est by Lord Silvere reviews
Harry is a prisoner, and Bellatrix has fallen from grace. The accidental activation of Bella's treasured heirloom results in another chance for Harry. It also gives him the opportunity to make the acquaintance of the young and enigmatic Bellatrix Black as they change the course of history.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 46 - Words: 392,449 - Reviews: 8014 - Favs: 17,279 - Follows: 10,405 - Updated: 9/21/2013 - Published: 11/14/2009 - Harry P., Bellatrix L. - Complete
200 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts by Selenehekate reviews
Now being REVAMPED! It's Fred and George's last year at Hogwarts, so naturally they want to break the rules... and get Hermione, Harry, Ron, and Ginny involved! Their list of 200 things they shouldn't do, but will do anyway... Told in snippets, R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 22 - Words: 46,231 - Reviews: 1226 - Favs: 1,364 - Follows: 661 - Updated: 8/28/2013 - Published: 6/16/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
My Mortal by David Noklevername reviews
I have recently started reading My Immortal. Instead of writing my thoughts on it with my own blood on the wall, I've decided to write it down in parody format. This is the story of the generic goth, Ebony Dark'ness Raven Way. She's also a vampire for some reason.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 11 - Words: 5,860 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 7/19/2013 - Published: 9/8/2012 - OC, Draco M.
Crazy is Infectious by Proper the Incredible reviews
Harry is insane, and it seems like the rest of the school is more than ready to join up with him in his Desperately Needs to Get Locked up in a Small Padded Room in St. Mungo's club. Draco has a duck, Dean a twin, Ginny a Slytherin boyfriend, and Dumbledore can't keep his hands off Hagrid. Crack!fic.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,969 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/27/2013 - Complete
Keep The Hobbit Away From Dwarf Beer by yaoigirl22 reviews
"...Should I poke him?"
Hobbit - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,218 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 472 - Follows: 113 - Published: 1/8/2013 - Bilbo B. - Complete
The Magic of Mushrooms by Carcy reviews
It has been said that hobbits have a passion for mushrooms, surpassing even the greediest likings of Big People. While in Rivendell, Bilbo manages to persuade Fili and Kili to try some. But what he doesn't know is that these, being Elven mushrooms, have somewhat *ahem* magical properties! Movieverse
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,230 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 8 - Published: 1/2/2013 - Fíli, Kíli - Complete
The story I never wanted by Aoibhinn reviews
I, Bella Swann, didn't get a happy ending. I got 500 years as an immortal and now they want me to escort a small person to destroy a ring of power. Why not? it's not like I'm doing much else with the rest of my eternity. B/OC, J/OC. NOT FOR EDWARD LOVERS.
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 99,869 - Reviews: 368 - Favs: 437 - Follows: 472 - Updated: 12/28/2012 - Published: 5/27/2010 - Legolas, Bella
Into the Storm by blank101 reviews
Son of Suns Trilogy Part I AU set at the end of TESB. When Luke and his companions are caught over Bespin and taken to Coruscant, Palpatine begins to systematically take apart Luke's life to create a new Sith, gradually turning him against his allies, his father and his beliefs with devastating consequences. Action/Drama/Romance Luke/Mara, Vader, Han/Leia, Mothma, Madine. COMPLETE
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 24 - Words: 147,947 - Reviews: 315 - Favs: 1,502 - Follows: 492 - Updated: 12/19/2012 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Luke S., Leia O., Han S., Darth Vader - Complete
Kili's Most Noble Sacrifice by Here Lies My Former Account reviews
For the sake of the reputation of all of the Dwarves of Middle-earth, Fili must talk his brother into doing the near unthinkable.
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 530 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 17 - Published: 12/17/2012 - Kíli, Fíli - Complete
Coexistence by darkcyan reviews
AU During his fourth year, Harry begins to feel that something is Not Right. He studies incessantly and when Voldemort is resurrected, he knows of a spell that can get rid of the monster forever . . . unfortunately, there are side-effects . . .
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 155,474 - Reviews: 2088 - Favs: 3,045 - Follows: 1,410 - Updated: 12/1/2012 - Published: 12/1/2002 - Harry P., James P. - Complete
Concerning Wizards by Morwen Pendragon reviews
Fate hated him, Death obviously has something against him, and now he is awake in a green land unlike what he left and is determined not to care this time. NoPairings, HPLOTR X-over
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 33,913 - Reviews: 660 - Favs: 2,620 - Follows: 3,370 - Updated: 11/14/2012 - Published: 1/3/2010 - Harry P.
Curses, Foiled Again 4: Three-Five-Eight Days Over Two by nicnac918 reviews
Sirius begins to suspect that Harry's new friend might have less than noble intentions regarding him. Siriusly. Sequel to Curses, Foiled Again 3: The Princess' Rondo. Slight slash warning, though nobody is *actually* gay or anything (probably).
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,119 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 34 - Published: 11/6/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Terminator by Osharashennaya reviews
This is a translation of a Russian fanfic. Once upon a time, when grass was green and the author of this fic was young, he wondered why didn't Harry just turn bread into a Tommy Gun and kill everyone? beware of offensive language, racist jokes, animal cruelty, sexism...and all that is made fun of on the internet. p?l 0&fid 49828
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,667 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 10/30/2012 - Published: 7/17/2012 - Harry P., Ron W.
A Long Expected Prequel by SarahBelle reviews
...or sequel. Or midquel. It's all a bit complicated. As December draws closer and the appetite for staight-man hobbits, sexy dwarves and even more sexily voiced dragons/dark lords grows ever stronger, the quest to parody the cause of all this madness begins. Because really, they just make it so easy for us, and we love them for it.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,683 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/11/2012 - Published: 9/26/2012 - Bilbo B., Gandalf
Curses, Foiled Again 3: The Princess' Rondo by nicnac918 reviews
Voldemort might not even go to this school, but he does have a lot of feelings. Feelings of MURDEROUS RAGE!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,717 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 22 - Published: 9/26/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
DADA boycott by Midnighter 13 reviews
Hermione comes up with a plan to get Umbridge out of the castle, a full scale class boycott, the results are... unexpected.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 17 - Words: 25,773 - Reviews: 1033 - Favs: 2,416 - Follows: 2,706 - Updated: 9/24/2012 - Published: 11/2/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Curses, Foiled Again 2: The Electric Boogaloo by nicnac918 reviews
Harry might not be at the Dursley's any more, but Voldemort isn't going to let that stop his completely ineffectual murder attempts. He's just going to have to get a little creative is all.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,106 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 21 - Published: 9/20/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Curses, Foiled Again by nicnac918 reviews
Harry Potter and the Not-So-Deadly Summer Holidays
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,087 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 37 - Published: 9/1/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Harry Potter and the Parody of the Phoenix by The Hash Slinging Slasher reviews
It's Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts, but he has more on his mind than school; starting fight clubs and discovering confusing back-stories are at the top of his priority list. A complete parody of the angstiest, caps-lockiest book in the series.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 26 - Words: 17,891 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 7/10/2012 - Published: 10/29/2011 - Harry P., Hermione G.
The Sorting Hat's Stand by Landstradd reviews
What if the founders built in a safe guard to protect incoming students from abuse at home, in the form of the hat? How would the hat react to Harry's so called childhood? Rated for language and expected violence. As complete as it is ever going to get. Revised as another story.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 47 - Words: 176,231 - Reviews: 3934 - Favs: 7,119 - Follows: 5,985 - Updated: 6/24/2012 - Published: 8/14/2010 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Life Changing Head Injury by the psychotic house-elf reviews
Due to a severe head injury, Harry experiences a rather extreme change in personality - namely, a sudden tendency to kill people he doesn't like. Awesome!Psycho!Harry, Harry/Luna main pairing, Übermanipulative!Dumbles, brain-stem zombies, ham sandwich portkeys, and other misc. insanity.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 40,647 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 478 - Follows: 458 - Updated: 5/3/2012 - Published: 10/4/2011 - Harry P., Luna L.
Damage Control by DownWithJack8 reviews
All those rumors circulating around in fifth year regarding Harry's lack of sanity-what if he decided to take advantage of them to get back at Umbridge in the most annoying way possible? Or maybe he really is losing it...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 15,968 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 2/6/2012 - Published: 11/27/2011 - Harry P.
Running Commentary by JDKloosterman reviews
Part of the Exchange Program series. Professor Gandalf has left, and the new Defense against the Dark Arts professor is probably as unlike him as possible. But what does he have to teach?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,978 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 24 - Published: 12/7/2011 - Harry P., Rincewind - Complete
Reality Seer (Challenge) by Midnighter 13 reviews
Who can you trust? and why? a challenge for writers who hate the old, Dumbles is manipulitive but doesn't do anything storyline. HP/LL Dark! but not evil Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 29,336 - Reviews: 436 - Favs: 691 - Follows: 820 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 6/23/2010 - Harry P., Luna L.
Horcrux Harry ? by rachelah reviews
What if the horcrux in Harry had more of an effect on him than it did in the books? Affecting his memories and personality along with gifting him with Parseltongue? This is what could have happened. Not sure if it's K or T so I chose T. DISCONTINUED.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,451 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 10/1/2011 - Published: 7/29/2011 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Dobby House Elf and the Popular Culture by Diresquirrel reviews
Harry makes the mistake of letting people around an impressionable poor house elf. Dobby takes his obsessions a little too seriously. Rating for violence. Yes, violence.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,585 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 368 - Follows: 171 - Updated: 9/21/2011 - Published: 11/1/2010 - Dobby, Harry P. - Complete
Horcrux: The True Soul Within by Wolfwhispers reviews
Harry Potter truly died that night, and in its place was a living horcux. This startling realization changes Harry in ways no one ever thought possible - He is Lord Voldemort, he is Tom Riddle, the other must be overthrown.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 21,166 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 194 - Updated: 9/19/2011 - Published: 7/1/2010 - Harry P., Voldemort
Exchange Program by JDKloosterman reviews
Oneshot. There's a new Defense against the Dark Arts professor, and once again, it's not Snape. But with his teaching style, some of the students might wish he was.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,162 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 275 - Follows: 66 - Published: 8/18/2011 - Gandalf - Complete
Diary of the Trials and Tribulations of Saruman by Hilary Thomson reviews
A chronicle of Saruman's progression into evil, from the original diary. Parody and Humor.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,113 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/24/2011 - Gandalf, Radagast, Gollum - Complete
Nurmengard by RedTideZero reviews
Sequel to ‘Brothers in Arms’. Harry is charged with murder, arson, and endangering the Statue of Secrecy, and is sent to Nurmengard prison to await trial. However, as Harry is being led into prison, the inmates of Nurmengard are planning to break out…
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 39,820 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 6/24/2011 - Published: 5/7/2010 - Harry P.
A Ring of Wings by Terelex reviews
Max and the Flock are transported into the book The Lord of the Rings when an experiment goes wrong... or did it? I know it sounds really wierd but hey, why not? Rated T just in case.
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 35 - Words: 88,083 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 5/31/2011 - Published: 1/10/2010 - Complete
Muggle Champion by Luan Mao reviews
Hogwarts's education was useless in preparing students for real-life tasks, such as a tri-wizard tournament. What should Harry do?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,257 - Reviews: 142 - Favs: 1,042 - Follows: 321 - Published: 5/30/2011 - Harry P. - Complete
Time to Spare by EmySabath reviews
HBPcompliant rewrite of Time For Me. Voldemort has a sinister plot to catch Harry out of bounds and cast a spell to send him back two hundred years, but all does not go as planned and Harry isn't as gone as he'd thought...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 41 - Words: 171,869 - Reviews: 3121 - Favs: 5,287 - Follows: 3,418 - Updated: 5/3/2011 - Published: 8/17/2005 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Strange Likenesses by Elizabeth Culmer reviews
What if the newly disembodied Voldemort had noticed his link to Harry? A dark AU. WIP
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Horror - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,848 - Reviews: 226 - Favs: 471 - Follows: 578 - Updated: 4/5/2011 - Published: 1/15/2007 - Voldemort, Harry P.
On a Train, Switching Tracks by Mede reviews
First year: "Celebrities," Harry said. "Fame makes them mad. I take it the wizarding world doesn't really have them, then?" Draco and Ron exchanged glances. "No, not really." AU, assorted oneshots and snippets.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 21,534 - Reviews: 878 - Favs: 4,167 - Follows: 3,335 - Updated: 3/3/2011 - Published: 1/22/2009 - Harry P., Ron W., Draco M., Neville L.
Thanks for the Socks by Moose on mars reviews
After Draco Malfoy shows up unexpectedly at Privet Drive, the consequent school year holds many dramatic changes. Extreme parody and hardcore absurdity.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 18 - Words: 44,957 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 12/15/2010 - Published: 2/5/2005 - Harry P., Draco M.
Forty One Times Dead by Ruskbyte reviews
Harry has an annoying habit of dying before his time. After one death too many, the Soul Reaper assigned to the case decides to take matters in hand and train the Boy-Who-Lived up to scratch. Good thing he's already dead; 'cause this just might kill him!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16,271 - Reviews: 394 - Favs: 2,758 - Follows: 758 - Published: 11/28/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Why is it Orange? by Grinning Lizard reviews
My first ever challenge response, from the Thank God You're Here thread on DLP. Just a little crack!fic oneshot. Reasonably good response for it on there, so please enjoy. The premise: 'A confused Ron finds Hermione's Dildo'
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,318 - Reviews: 242 - Favs: 764 - Follows: 165 - Published: 11/18/2010 - Complete
Obliviate by WrtrGrl reviews
Harry is obliviated by a revenge seeking, unstable Lockheart. He has no memories of anyone or anything. Harry doesn't really care, but then, he doesn't know what he's missing. He's innocently taken with the world of magic and eager to be free to explore.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 46,880 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 462 - Follows: 146 - Updated: 11/3/2010 - Published: 7/26/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
Unconventional Harry by kb0 reviews
When his name comes out of the Goblet of Fire, Harry decides to stop "rolling over" and "just taking it." He has "Marauder godfathers" and decides to have them help him strike back. A one-shot. H/G eventually
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16,781 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 2,421 - Follows: 682 - Published: 10/5/2010 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Genius Does What It Must by smrt1 reviews
Growing up, Harry Potter became a smartass. Now he's starting Hogwarts, with trusty sidekick Millicent Bulstrode, a question for everything, and a cheerfully sarcastic demeanor that makes everyone want to smack him.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 24,086 - Reviews: 394 - Favs: 1,523 - Follows: 1,617 - Updated: 9/27/2010 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Harry P., Severus S.
A Clock on the Face of Hell by IdSayWhyNot reviews
Fate was sealed that night. I was to live and fight, to breathe and conquer. The night I died and lived England celebrated the end of the nightmare that had yet to begin and praised the baby they would later fear and hate. I am Harry Potter. I am legend.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 52,514 - Reviews: 309 - Favs: 1,019 - Follows: 1,081 - Updated: 9/20/2010 - Published: 6/25/2010 - Harry P., F. Flitwick
The Book of Dobby Reboot: Per Arcana ad Astra by Doghead Thirteen reviews
Rewriting the Book of Dobby. Harry Potter has had enough, and now - with a little help from his friends - he's decided to bring the fight to the Death Eaters in a way they cannot understand. Turn out those lights! Don't you know there's a war on?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Girl Genius - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 42,481 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 764 - Follows: 844 - Updated: 8/6/2010 - Published: 5/27/2009
A Champion's New Hope by Rocag reviews
Beginning during the Goblet of Fire, Harry looks to different friends for support after both Ron and Hermione refuse to believe that he did not put his name in the Goblet. Including one unexpected friend: Daphne Greengrass.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 52 - Words: 274,401 - Reviews: 4648 - Favs: 13,845 - Follows: 7,042 - Updated: 7/23/2010 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Harry P., Daphne G. - Complete
An Idle Mind Is The Devil's Playground by night flame miko reviews
A bored Harry Potter is never a good thing. Dumbledore told him he couldn't write to friends, so what about enemies? Watch as because of this, things change and truths come to 'light' or 'dark' as the case may be . warning: Slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 33,289 - Reviews: 2906 - Favs: 5,912 - Follows: 6,119 - Updated: 7/16/2010 - Published: 1/14/2009 - Harry P., Voldemort
Shrunk Harry for Two Days by MiuBlaze reviews
Harry has been shrunk with Neville's help by a potion. Now Dumbledore declares that he must stay with Snape until the counter potion is made. What mischief will Harry get himself into? Crackfic! Not a slash fic.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,750 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 21 - Published: 7/12/2010 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts by Nerd.Is.A.Compliment reviews
Things you are not allowed to do at Hogwarts. Most people have seen some of theses before.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,120 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/9/2010 - Complete
Hedwig and the Goblet of Fire by Meteoricshipyards reviews
Harry uses Hedwig to test the restrictions on the Goblet of Fire. Obviously, they're not good enough to stop the smartest owl in Britain!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,993 - Reviews: 531 - Favs: 4,921 - Follows: 1,314 - Published: 2/26/2010 - Harry P., Parvati P. - Complete
The Hobwit by Odo Banks reviews
Bango Bigguns is whisked off on a perilous adventure by a wizard and thirteen dwarfs during which he must confront a pack of sexual innuendos, a bucket load of toilet humor - and more anachronisms than you can poke a wild rabbit at!
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Parody/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,247 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/22/2010
What Would Slytherin Harry Do? by Big D on a Diet reviews
An ongoing series of one shot stories exploring how Slytherin!Harry would have handled key moments from the books. Events will appear out of order, so don't be surprised if it jumps around. Small but important edit made to Chapter Five
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 44,417 - Reviews: 745 - Favs: 4,122 - Follows: 3,108 - Updated: 1/21/2010 - Published: 5/27/2007 - Harry P.
Seeing An Eternity by xScenex reviews
HPLotR crossover. Harry finds himself falling into Middle Earth, blind, blonde, and confused. He's distressed, looks almost like a Malfoy, and he meets a talking tree. Could it get any worse? Of course. No pairings. Rating and title may change.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 20,284 - Reviews: 327 - Favs: 811 - Follows: 1,245 - Updated: 1/18/2010 - Published: 5/29/2006 - Harry P.
RuneMaster by Tigerman reviews
In third year, Harry decided to quit Divination, following Hermione. Having to take a substitute course, he end up choosing Ancient Runes and find himself to be quite gifted. Smart Harry. Slightly manipulative. Rated M for later subjects and language.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 145,998 - Reviews: 3989 - Favs: 18,330 - Follows: 7,819 - Updated: 12/30/2009 - Published: 5/21/2009 - Harry P., Luna L. - Complete
Oh God Not Again! by Sarah1281 reviews
So maybe everything didn't work out perfectly for Harry. Still, most of his friends survived, he'd gotten married, and was about to become a father. If only he'd have stayed away from the Veil, he wouldn't have had to go back and do everything AGAIN.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 162,639 - Reviews: 15967 - Favs: 26,731 - Follows: 11,192 - Updated: 12/22/2009 - Published: 9/13/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Super Transdimensional Battle Wizard Hero Force by Mistress Nika reviews
Harry Potter. Reluctant dimension-traveling hero. "If I ever get back, I'm going to murder them both. Messy and violent."
Crossover - X-overs & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,794 - Reviews: 205 - Favs: 616 - Follows: 655 - Updated: 11/25/2009 - Published: 5/25/2009 - Harry P.
Artemis Fowl: The Vampire Conspiration by Borax reviews
Artemis is kidnapped by the Volturi to be turned into a vampire. Now, not only does he have to save the People from the Volturi's greediness, but there's also the matter of a punitive expedition in Forks. A/H, Twilight canon couples.
Crossover - Artemis Fowl & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 36,961 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 270 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 9/26/2009 - Published: 8/16/2009 - Artemis F. - Complete
Harry Potter: Space Wizard by Taure reviews
These are the voyages of the Wizard Ship Rotfang. Its continuing mission: to blunder aimlessly through the galaxy, leaving chaos in its wake. Its captain: Harry Potter. HP/SG1. One shot.
Crossover - Stargate: SG-1 & Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,783 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 651 - Follows: 258 - Published: 7/17/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
I Plead Insanity by iamanevilgenius reviews
When Harry and Draco came out of the closet they never quite expected the reaction... Especially not Luna. Rated for insanity and a bit of language. Oh, and I have mentioned this is a crack!fic?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 15,010 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 6/17/2009 - Published: 7/1/2006 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Searching for Disaster by Shadow Rebirth reviews
ABANDONED. Owls, cauldrons, and pointed hats? Harry Potter was not amused. And he still wasn't entirely sure that his human trafficking theory had been wrong. Warning! Features a very cynical Harry. [AU, no pairings.]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 40,849 - Reviews: 1075 - Favs: 2,948 - Follows: 3,104 - Updated: 6/10/2009 - Published: 7/12/2008 - Harry P.
Aspirations by megamatt09 reviews
AU. Harry is shunned not only Ron, but Hermione as well after the Goblet of Fire incident. Ginny befriends Harry and history changes. Future Dark!Harry Dark!Ginny pairing, extended summary inside. Note from 2012: I'm not a huge fan of this story now, but leaving it up for historical purposes for those who do enjoy it.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 55 - Words: 371,805 - Reviews: 3622 - Favs: 7,133 - Follows: 3,210 - Updated: 1/24/2009 - Published: 9/18/2008 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Curse of Fate: Outtakes by Mistress Nika reviews
Pervy wandmakers, sudden unexplained metamorphosis, world domination, massive destruction, G Dubbya, a terrified sorting hat, evil/insane Harry, things you absolutely should NOT do at Hogwarts, traumatized Severus and so much more!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,533 - Reviews: 226 - Favs: 413 - Follows: 317 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 12/27/2006
Trigger Happy by Rickysio reviews
Dumbledore, against his better judgement, decided to allow Alastor Moody custody of the Potter scion. Years later, he has to reap the whirlwind. Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,377 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 1,464 - Follows: 366 - Published: 1/7/2009 - Harry P., Alastor M. - Complete
Demon Rising by InferiorBeing reviews
HarryDraco In his second most brilliant plot to date, Lord Voldemort decides to take matters into his own hands and forcefully mold Harry Potter from an enemy to an ally. With no memory of his life before his transformation, Harry asks for only one thing
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 18,426 - Reviews: 358 - Favs: 473 - Follows: 738 - Updated: 11/22/2008 - Published: 3/4/2006 - Harry P., Draco M.
He's a WHAT? by Ana-chan86 reviews
He could have been anything. A Goblin. An Orc. A Mountain Troll. Hell, he could have been the King of Dwarves for all Harry cared. But NO, of all the magical creatures, Draco Malfoy had to be a vampire. DMHP.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 67,933 - Reviews: 945 - Favs: 1,998 - Follows: 850 - Updated: 9/20/2008 - Published: 11/17/2006 - [Harry P., Draco M.] [Severus S., Sirius B.] - Complete
What If the world turned its head sideways by hybrid2 reviews
Based on the question of what would happen if Harry had met the twins in Diagon Alley.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 46 - Words: 244,376 - Reviews: 2269 - Favs: 4,119 - Follows: 2,844 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 7/3/2007 - Harry P. - Complete
In Shadows and Darkness by blank101 reviews
Son of Suns Trilogy Part II Abandoned by the Alliance and claimed by the Emperor, Palpatine's new Sith is coming into his own. But as Luke Skywalker's former life is forced ever further from his grasp by friends and foes alike, new agendas twist old friendships into dangerous and unaffordable liabilities. Action/Drama/Romance Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade, Han/Leia, Palpatine COMPLETE
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 35 - Words: 253,633 - Reviews: 410 - Favs: 982 - Follows: 271 - Updated: 8/8/2008 - Published: 6/23/2008 - Luke S., Mara Jade - Complete
Dragon's Breath by Says The Schizophrenic reviews
AU:Harry ran away from home when he was 6 after being abused, and was taken in by street kids. Only problem, Harry's got wings. Everyone thinks he's dead, but years later, he meets professor Lupin. After that, everything starts falling apart. No Slash
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 76,295 - Reviews: 500 - Favs: 892 - Follows: 951 - Updated: 5/28/2008 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Harry P.
A Mistaken Sorting by Silver Pard reviews
Sequel to 'Mistaken Identity'. The Dunce Who Lived and his unfortunate brother have finally arrived at Hogwarts. Snape is both manipulative and placing bets. Not so oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 21,698 - Reviews: 878 - Favs: 3,289 - Follows: 1,552 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 4/1/2006 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
A Black Comedy by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 31 - Words: 246,320 - Reviews: 6604 - Favs: 18,733 - Follows: 6,836 - Updated: 4/7/2008 - Published: 2/18/2007 - Complete
Cauterize by Lady Altair reviews
"Of course it's missing something vital. That's the point." Dennis Creevey takes up his brother's camera after the war.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,648 - Reviews: 1770 - Favs: 8,709 - Follows: 1,173 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Dennis C. - Complete
Two Weeks in the Alley by BajaB reviews
13 years old, a vault full of gold, and two unsupervised weeks in Diagon Alley – What’s a boy to do? Summer before PoA AU, some adult themes.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,075 - Reviews: 377 - Favs: 3,662 - Follows: 999 - Published: 1/26/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Innocence is fleeting, Death stays true forever by SSC reviews
Spoilers for books 1 to 5. NonHBP compliant. In the summer after OotP, Harry starts thinking: is death really irreversible? Necromancer!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 34,045 - Reviews: 681 - Favs: 1,969 - Follows: 978 - Updated: 1/21/2008 - Published: 1/22/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
The Bloodshed After The War by fhrulz21 reviews
The war is over and Harry has won. But now the Wizarding World is trying to get rid of all supposed Dark influences, which includes vampires. Unfortunately, Harry is one.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Horror - Chapters: 15 - Words: 44,271 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 427 - Follows: 558 - Updated: 9/26/2007 - Published: 4/11/2006 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Irish Choice by DisobedienceWriter reviews
With all the crappy stuff Harry goes through at Hogwarts, the smart money would be on him transferring to a different, better school early in his career. Here’s one way it might have happened. No planned pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 62,622 - Reviews: 833 - Favs: 6,051 - Follows: 1,986 - Updated: 9/20/2007 - Published: 9/6/2007 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
The Red Heir of Slytherin by Sarah1281 reviews
Ron and Hermione's trip to the Chamber of Secrets, where Ron gets over his inferiority complex and Hermione discovers that anyone can speak Parseltongue if they're unobservant enough.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,950 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 435 - Follows: 106 - Published: 9/8/2007 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Bedlamite by Semika reviews
First let’s pretend Harry is sent to Azkaban. Now let’s pretend he doesn’t like it much. Then let’s pretend the ministry says OOPS and releases him. But finally, let’s pretend Harry does not easily forgive and forget. Dear wizarding world… this means war.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 34,104 - Reviews: 586 - Favs: 876 - Follows: 1,029 - Updated: 8/19/2007 - Published: 11/27/2006 - Harry P.
Burn, Baby, Burn! by Dark-Syaoran reviews
Harry Potter loves to watch things burn. A series of oneshot ficlets.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 29,306 - Reviews: 406 - Favs: 1,356 - Follows: 462 - Updated: 8/11/2007 - Published: 3/1/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
Lessons From Fanfiction by absent writer reviews
A list of currently 46 now 130something of the cliches, predictable storylines, and the trials and tribulations the average fanfiction reader is forced to go through in HP fanfiction! Rated for swearing on my part. Genre choice is very accurate.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,528 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 7/19/2007 - Published: 7/16/2007 - Harry P.
Pen Pals by Rorschach's Blot reviews
My version of the whole letters back and fourth between Voldemort and Harry story line.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,970 - Reviews: 398 - Favs: 2,055 - Follows: 604 - Published: 7/5/2007 - Harry P., Tom R. Sr. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Evil Summer Vacation by Meteoricshipyards reviews
Harry's summer vacation isn't exactly as the Dursley's planned. There are a few repercussions
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,322 - Reviews: 211 - Favs: 1,680 - Follows: 427 - Published: 6/26/2007 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The Various Supah Powahs of One Severus Snape by lunakatrina reviews
Answers the time honored question: What would happen if Snape fell into a vat of toxic waste? Just in case anyone was wondering...total crack, ignores HBP
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,057 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 2/10/2007 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Severus S.
Death by Garlic by Jocemum reviews
The trio sets out to prove that Snape is a vampire.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,149 - Reviews: 149 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 46 - Published: 11/21/2006 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Oops by SilverWolf7007 reviews
When Harry says 'oops', things tend to explode. But not this time. No, this time...well. Something else happened.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 600 - Reviews: 468 - Favs: 3,256 - Follows: 694 - Published: 11/2/2006 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Just a Random Tuesday… by Twisted Biscuit reviews
A VERY long Tuesday in the life of Minerva McGonagall. With rampant Umbridgeitis, uncooperative Slytherins, Ministry interventions, an absent Dumbledore and a schoolwide shortage of Hot Cocoa, it’s a wonder she’s as nice as she is.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 58,525 - Reviews: 548 - Favs: 2,627 - Follows: 521 - Updated: 10/1/2006 - Published: 8/26/2006 - Minerva M., Dolores U. - Complete
Make A Wish by Rorschach's Blot reviews
Harry has learned the prophesy and he does not believe that a schoolboy can defeat Voldemort, so he decides that if he is going to die then he is first going to live.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 187,589 - Reviews: 11696 - Favs: 23,326 - Follows: 8,303 - Updated: 6/17/2006 - Published: 3/23/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
Esse Quam Videri by razzle-dazzle-me reviews
AU What if Harry Potter really was an Incurably Criminal Boy: a trouble maker, a rule breaker, a psychotic pyromaniac. Albus supposed he should have seen this coming. An Azkaban!Harry fic of sorts. Hellatrix'n!Honks.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,316 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 229 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 6/12/2006 - Published: 5/3/2006 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Innate Malapropism by Lord Jeram reviews
Harry Potter's new adventure into awkward indoctrination. HPPHHPYRRYPH. Abandoned (It was an early attempt to HP humor but I ran out of ideas after the second chapter)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,782 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 15 - Published: 5/7/2006 - Harry P.
Please! Not While I'm In The Shower! by michelle-31a reviews
Harry and his friends receive an unexpected visitor...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,445 - Reviews: 193 - Favs: 343 - Follows: 64 - Published: 7/1/2004 - Harry P., Luna L.
Do These Memory Charms Ever Cause Brain Damage? by Backroads reviews
Percy is going to work undercover for the Order. Now all he and Arthur have to do is stage a fight for the rest of the family. How hard can it be?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,636 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 184 - Follows: 34 - Published: 6/6/2004 - Percy W., Arthur W. - Complete
Snape Becomes a Fundamentalist Christian by Werd reviews
Potions Master Severus Snape becomes a fundementalist Christian! News at Eleven! Actually, news inside this story.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,750 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/25/2003 - Severus S.
Severus Snape: The Play by AppleJuiceMaster reviews
The Gryffindors have a crazy show about Snape's past. That about sums it up.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 784 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 9 - Published: 2/26/2003 - Severus S.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

How Did It Come to This? reviews
Before Voldemort's final death, before Harry, there was Petunia Evans. Why is she Petunia Dursley? A character study.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,025 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/20/2019 - [Petunia D., Vernon D.] - Complete
I Hate My Life reviews
Seriously, it sucks. Have you ever had your uncle use your pet owl to blow his nose? Or have some guy say he'll be your friend only to take it back? Or have a snake refuse to eat your cousin? Or- you know what, I'll just shut up now.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,887 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/24/2016 - Published: 8/19/2016 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G.
Stay Weird, Dude reviews
When Harry throws his bedframe out the window, many things (but not all) change. Like the neighbours criminal record, for instance.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,936 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 9/20/2013 - Published: 7/22/2013 - Harry P., Luna L.
Ori's Secret Love reviews
In which Ori sends loving glances, thinks in capitals, and gets into random fights. Very OC. crack!FIC
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 296 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/25/2013 - Ori, Bifur, Nori - Complete
From the Mines of Moria reviews
Harry has lived in the Mines of Moria for while, then along come the fellowship. Will he go with them? Will he even help them? Please, R&R! Reviews encourage me!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,442 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 555 - Follows: 871 - Updated: 4/26/2012 - Published: 10/16/2011 - Harry P.
The HouseElves Are On Strike reviews
Ron and Harry like food. Hermione likes freeing house-elves. So what happens when the house-elves are on strike and not making any food? crackfic!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 501 - Reviews: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/11/2012 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Greater Bad
Something goes very wrong on a date for Neville and Luna...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 416 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/6/2011 - Neville L., Luna L. - Complete
Running Around in a Tunnel of LoveNaked reviews
Ron has problems with love. People keep throwing him back! Oh well, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and he's bound to catch one sometime. R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 508 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/1/2011 - Ron W. - Complete
The Girl In There reviews
Harry goes into the Chamber, rescues Ginny, kills the basilisk, kills Voldemort,...and discovers their daughter. Oops! What now? R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,774 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 5/1/2011 - Published: 4/17/2011 - Harry P. - Complete