clazface
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Joined 02-12-11, id: 2746347, Profile Updated: 11-22-14
Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter, My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult, and Misc. Books.

Aww, man, so coming back four years later I can see that this page is a disaster zone of childish thoughts. I will, however, leave it all for the sake of posterity and my 12 year old self. I suppose the disclaimer still applies though. 22/11/14

hey, it's me, your author (duh). I'm a total gLeek and Harry potter fanatic.
Well, I'm not really sure what to put now. Just enjoy the stories. Hopefully.


A few (well...) favourite quotes/random sayings:

'Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.

I'm not an idiot, I just saved a fish from drowning.

I run with scissors-it makes me feel dangerous.

I"m not random, you just can't thing as fast as I can.

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

Violence is not the answer. (Unless of course it is).

I am NOT saying you’re stupid...I'm just implying it.

God made men...then he had a better idea...

Getting older in inevitable – growing up is optional

Do you remember when Pluto was a planet? Yeah, those were the days...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them quite so much.

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.

You're so far past the line; you can't even see the line. The line is a dot to you. (Joey-Friends)

Thought it'd be great, you know? Have some time alone with my thoughts... turns out; I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think (Joey-Friends)

Observe the art of getting what you want. Watch, learn, and don't eat my banana.

Time is a good teacher. Too bad he kills all his pupils.

Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.

Just when I think you said the most stupid thing ever, you keep on talking.

I smile because I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

People say, "It's always in the last place you look." Um, yeah. Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"

Better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you’re a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. (Mark Twain)

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

If you don’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be glad to do it for you. :)

Say no to drugs. Say yes to tacos.

Be insane; well-behaved girls never make the history books.

If you’re gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.

Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C..

I don’t have a dog. I eat my own homework.

Guitar, for sale … Cheap … no strings attached.

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

Define 'normal'.

Boys: Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

I'm not crazy, you're just slightly more sane than I am.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

My door is always open, so feel free to leave.

We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive.

Twilight is proof that the idiots in this world are attracted to shiny objects.

When I doubt myself, I listen to "I Believe I Can Fly" by William Hung. It shows me how far a person can get without any talent, and it makes me laugh.


I PUT MY DISCLAIMER HERE:
I OWN NOTHING THAT YOU RECOGNISE, ONLY MY OWN OCs, AND WOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE WRITING ON THIS WEBSITE IF I WAS CREATING MULTI-MILLION POUND STORIES ELSEWHERE.


I HATE:

the whole '98% of teenagers... if you're the 2% that... copypaste this into your profile' thing.
When people write their views on stuff like abortion in poems from the child's point of view and then try to force their views on you. Um, no. Just no.
BTW, TBH I H8 WEN PEEPS RITE LIK TIS-WTF? IT DOSEN MAKE ME ROFLSNOT FTW
When people say/write could of. It is COULD'VE or COULD HAVE NOT COULD OF.

(I shall add more when I think of stuff... and can be Bothered)


Just in case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears’s hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Darn it... that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how…?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well... a bit late, huh?)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Hmm. Something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I was hoping it was going to be frozen... darn.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief! I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And ... I'm taking this because…??)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (NO WAY NO WAY!! Talk about news flash…!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh ... fly Delta?)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon)

On a candle: Warning: A burning candle is fire. (What? Oh, please. No it is - ouch!)

On a Taiwanese blanket: Not to be used as protection from a tornado. (Toto? I don't think we're in Kansas anymore ...)

On a railroad sign: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (You can prosecute a corpse? Wow. They really want to fill up the jails these days.)

On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as an ice cream topping. (Hmm, I wonder why...Oh Look, it goes a pretty colour! Hmmm...oh YUCK!)

On the Jabra Drive 'N' Talk (a bluetooth accessory for cellphones for the car): Never operate your speakerphone while driving. (Uh ... well, that kind of defeats the purpose.)

On a jet ski: Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level. (Hmm, that sounds like a good idea! Hmm ... BOOM.)

On a blow torch: Contents may catch fire. (Of course it won’t! I mean- oh, pretty colour, i wonder... OW! HOT!)

On a carton of eggs: This product may contain eggs. (Oh my gosh! So that's what those round things are!!)

On a Staples's letter opener: Safety goggles recommended. (Sadly a misprint, but funny anyway.)

Oh a Huebsch washing machine: Do not put any person in this washer. (But mommy! I don't want to take a shower!)

On MDW Outdoor Group's fox/bobcat urine powder: Not for human consumption. (Really? I wonder why...DMAN THAT IS NASTY!)

On rotary tools: This product is not intended for use as a dental drill. (I NEVER want to go the dentist again)

On a Kellogg's cereal bowl: WARNING! Always use this product with adult supervision.

On a brand of nonstick pans: Keep pet birds out of the kitchen when using this product.

On a toilet brush: Do not use for personal hygiene.

On a Razor scooter: This product moves when used.

On the iPod Shuffle website: Do not eat.

On New Holland's small tractors: Avoid death.


98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile. (don't really, I just thought it funny)

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile. (As above. I have actually done this several times)

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters.

You say Twilight I say Harry Potter
You say Jacob Black I say Sirius Black
You say Sam Uley I say Remus Lupin
You say Team Edward I say Team Potter
You say Robert Pattison I'll say 'is Cedric Diggory'
You think Bella and Edward is the Perfect dream couple? I think that's Lily and James


Stupid risks make life worth living.' - Homer Simpson.

'I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.' - Kurt Kobain.

'Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.' - Homer Simpson.

'School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, so why practice?' - Billie Joe Armstrong.

'It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.' - Albus Dumbledore.

(By the way, I don't like the Simpsons. SOREEEEEEE.)


Check this out...I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile


If you never copy and paste things onto your profile 'cause you hate them, copy and paste this into your profile. (haha, see what I did there...)


Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.


Re-post this if you believe Homophobia is wrong.

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that
hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed
at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites,
and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were
allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun
marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay
couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to
marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs
more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like
ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.
That's why we have only one religion in the world.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model
at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents
to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could
never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to
cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
homophobia is wrong

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...


I promise to remember Percy

Whenever I'm at sea

I promise to remember Annabeth

Whenever a spider comes after me

I promise to protect nature

For Grover's sake of course

I promise to remember Luke

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Chiron

Whenever I see a sign that says free 'pony ride'

I promise to remember Tyson

Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side

I promise to remember Thalia

Whenever a friend is scared of heights

I promise to remember Clarisse

Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright

I promise to remember Bianca

Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother

I promise to remember Nico

Whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others

I promise to remember Zoë

Whenever I watch the stars

I promise to remember Rachael

Whenever I see a limo pass by my car

Yes I promise to love PJO

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the PJO lovers know!


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

Okay, what kind of sad person spends their time figuring stuff like this out? cool, though, huh?


Mental Hospital Phone Menu:

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

I felt really mean putting these up, but they are funny.


Annoying things to do on an elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.


'The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

Knock Knock! Who's there? You know! You-know-who? EXACTLY AVADA KEDVARA!!!!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Always remember that you are absolutely positively unique. Just like everyone else.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

Life is like a haircut. Some are long, some are short. Some are good, some are bad... and some people really need to get one.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

"My favorite part is where the prince and Ariel live happily ever after," Blaine offered. "Or Sebastian. He's cool. I ate a crab once, but I don't think it was Sebastian."
"I'd like that to happen to me," Kurt said.

"Get eaten?

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

I used up all my sick days so I called in dead.

When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape (just thought it was totally random)

How is it possible to have a civil war? (as above)

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

Never get an atlas thrown at your head. The weight of the world, and all that...


Reasons why girls are the best:

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. (well... Prince Eric is pretty hot)

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We can put on harnesses, ride bikes and horses and basically straddle things without losing our "manhood"


Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropiate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insureance pollicy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room togther and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Kinghts of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an offical "Hug A Slytherin Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not nessisary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are a-tinglin'

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-ful"

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell

26) It is not nessicary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bees"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

30) I will not go to class skyclad (umm...? not really sure about that one)

31) I will not use Umbridge's quiz to write, "Told you I was Hard Core" (as above)

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers (!)

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the poition is acceptable as Body Lotion

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"

37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearnig an orange anorak

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip off it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous

43) I will not lick Trevor

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

48) I am not the King of the Potato Poeple and I do not have a flying carpet

49) "To conqur the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all


SHE'S BROKEN


An eye for an eye and soon the whole world shall be blind-Gandhi


Kay, on with the stories. Kinda.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Gypsy Beans by MsTiggy reviews
Post-finale Literati (with JavaJunkie as well). Rory bumps into Jess after three years of not seeing him. Sparks fly, coffee spills. Will their timing finally be right? Rated T (or T-Plus) for language and talk of sex (nothing graphic, though).
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 37,759 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 189 - Updated: 1/3 - Published: 10/31/2014 - [Jess M., Rory G.]
Against the Moon by Stoplight Delight reviews
The odds were stacked against him: a child from a blended home with no friends, no social skills to speak of, and a terrible secret. Yet slowly Remus Lupin began to realize there was a place for him in the world, if he could find the courage to claim it.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 105 - Words: 660,465 - Reviews: 3132 - Favs: 988 - Follows: 1,022 - Updated: 10/31/2014 - Published: 8/19/2011 - Remus L., Sirius B.
Those Damn Butterflies by Secretsmile13 reviews
A Rory and Jess story, set a year after the series finale. Older and wiser, can they get the second chance they both so desperately want?
Gilmore Girls - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 20,877 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 6/24/2014 - Published: 9/7/2013 - Rory G., Jess M.
Dalton by CP Coulter reviews
Post-Furt: Spinning off from Glee, Kurt begins an entirely new chapter in his life at Dalton Academy for Boys. Blaine, Wes, David and the boys of Windsor House make his life, for better or worse, far more eventful than he imagined.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 450,940 - Reviews: 7721 - Favs: 8,148 - Follows: 7,696 - Updated: 4/13/2014 - Published: 11/29/2010 - Kurt H., Dalton Academy Warblers
Who's To Say? by AngelinaWeasley1 reviews
Friendship, confusion, hate, love and fear all happen for those in the Marauders' era during their last two years at Hogwarts, before they are forced to face a wizarding world terrorized by Voldemort and their tragic fates...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 48 - Words: 306,305 - Reviews: 265 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 193 - Updated: 1/21/2014 - Published: 1/3/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P.
Twilight in a Nutshell by Mits reviews
Parody summary of the Twilight Series.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,400 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 9/18/2012 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Complete
Words by Fangirls by Shacklebolt's Mistress reviews
Newest chapters are two of the first words I was given SUPERCILIOUS and SHRUBBERY for Enaid Mora . So far I have about A MILLION words to work on. More posted soon!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 24,136 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 2/11/2012 - Published: 12/10/2010 - Sirius B., Remus L.
The Turn of the Tide by StarToucher reviews
In a rare moment of solitude, Harry finally has a chance to say goodbye to his fallen friends. A tribute to those who died in the second war.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,789 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 10 - Published: 2/4/2012 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Dear fanfiction writers, by H o r i z o n s reviews
Humorous letters to fanfiction writers focusing on what the characters would say in response to the clichés stories some fanfiction writers write. Canon universe and pairings, mostly. Drabble Fic. Suggestions are most welcome. R&R please!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 48 - Words: 6,734 - Reviews: 2388 - Favs: 1,029 - Follows: 707 - Updated: 1/3/2012 - Published: 2/12/2011 - Harry P., Draco M.
My Best Friend's Wedding by Lady Alinor reviews
How do you plan a wedding when the best man and the maid of honor are out for blood? After one of the nastiest breakups in Wizarding history, Hermione worries that Harry and Ginny will ruin her big day. Warning: rated M for sexual situations & language.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 23,386 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 223 - Follows: 23 - Published: 12/8/2011 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Collections of the Sky, Stars, and Midnight Air by Sparkylovesfire reviews
Random Jogan/Stuart Trio drabbles. Ratings may very. Title honestly doesn't have anything to do with it.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 8,071 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/7/2011
Aftermath by mk17design reviews
"When in disbelief, Sirius laughed." - a vignette of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 668 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 13 - Published: 9/18/2011 - Remus L., Sirius B. - Complete
Reading With Tonks by M'rika reviews
The Marauders stay over at Andy and Ted's after a night out, and Remus gets dragged into reading with a certain little girl, despite only having had, oooh, half an hours sleep. Onehsot. Some slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 845 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 7 - Published: 9/17/2011 - Remus L., N. Tonks
Significant Others by TangerineFields reviews
Remus mulls over the English language's failure to give him a better word for Sirius than 'my boyfriend'. Pure, drabbly fluff. SiriusxRemus
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 592 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/15/2011 - Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
No Regrets by angel718 reviews
Blaine stared at him for a split second, and then practically lunged at him, already instinctively wrapping one arm around Kurt's waist to pull him closer.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 144,229 - Reviews: 342 - Favs: 483 - Follows: 576 - Updated: 9/11/2011 - Published: 1/17/2011 - Blaine A., Kurt H.
Splitends: A Collection of Short Stories by AstroLatte reviews
Life outside the tower was not simple. The castle was filled with stories, some tying lose ends and others starting new strands.
Tangled - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 37,291 - Reviews: 434 - Favs: 384 - Follows: 277 - Updated: 9/7/2011 - Published: 12/9/2010 - [Rapunzel, Flynn R.] - Complete
King of the Gay by Sparkylovesfire reviews
Jogan fic. Full summary and details inside.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,086 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 30 - Published: 8/15/2011 - Complete
All the Time in the World Companion OneShots by chandlermarie89 reviews
One-shots of seen and unseen moments from my story All the Time in the World. They are all told from someone other than Harry's pov. Let me know if you want me to write a specific one-shot and I will try to get it done. *I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!*
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,311 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/3/2011
I Can Tell That We Are Gonna Be Friends by aspiringtoeloquence reviews
Seven year old Blaine hadn't really wanted to go to his classmate's birthday party at that art place. What he did want -someday soon, hopefully - was to find a best friend. Introducing himself the boy at the next table seemed like it might be a good idea.
Glee - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,109 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 587 - Follows: 41 - Published: 7/23/2011 - Blaine A., Kurt H. - Complete
but with a whimper by of-a-crescendo reviews
Everyone is born with the name of their soulmate on their hand. The only problem? Kurt and Blaine don't have each other's names on their hands. Completed.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,610 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 296 - Follows: 27 - Published: 5/16/2011 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
Truth, Love, and Evolution by aspiringtoeloquence reviews
A love story, told in moments... Romance, Humor, Friendship, Fluff, Angst, and everything else.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 44 - Words: 84,186 - Reviews: 2006 - Favs: 1,027 - Follows: 1,201 - Updated: 5/10/2011 - Published: 11/25/2010 - Blaine A., Kurt H.
Distance by Wunder Boy reviews
He holds onto the phone tightly and despite his better judgment, shouts, "LARSON, YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR COMPLETELY CUTTING ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE." / Dalton-verse. AU after E23. Jogan.
Glee - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,561 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 5/2/2011 - Published: 4/16/2011 - Dalton Academy Warblers
No Good Deed Goes Unrewarded by CPCoulter Writes My Canon reviews
"I wanted to take a swing at her, personally" Logan smirked, "Well, if you didn't...you should be rewarded." BASED OFF CP COULTER'S DALTON Jogan- Sexual mentions
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 837 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/29/2011 - Complete
The Boyfriend Tour of North America by rainwater tears reviews
"You are overwhelmed by the transience of your life—November and a place to call home seem far away." Lit. Post-series.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,514 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/6/2011 - Rory G., Jess M. - Complete
Two at the Most by Andra-ggfan reviews
Rory wakes up in the one bedroom she never thought she would. Jess's. Apparently things happen when there are one too many Martinis involved. Post-finale Literati.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,638 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 1/21/2011 - Published: 1/17/2011 - Jess M., Rory G. - Complete
A Beautiful Mess by whispered touches reviews
They're still here. -A quiet moment between Harry and Ginny in the dark at the Burrow turns into something more. One-shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,320 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 7 - Published: 1/18/2011 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Jailbait by Jay-La52 reviews
When a party that she gets dragged to ends up being raided for underage drinking, Rory ends up having to call Jess to pick her up from jail. Mocking and drunken babbling commence. Set sometime inbetween There's The Rub and Teach Me Tonight. One shot.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,181 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/27/2010 - Rory G., Jess M. - Complete
Jesse's anguish by PhilandLil reviews
A one-shot of Jesse's POV of the last chapter of the book. Recently re-written :)
My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult - Rated: K - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,191 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/30/2010 - Jesse F., Anna F. - Complete
A Gradual Descent by knowhere reviews
Literati. She refused to be a cliché, falling for the seemingly dangerous guy when she was with the safer one. He refused to let the innocent girl of his friend to make him feel something unwanted. AU.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 54,624 - Reviews: 428 - Favs: 235 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 4/19/2009 - Published: 6/30/2007 - Jess M., Rory G. - Complete
The One That Got Away by Francesca Jones reviews
The New York Times Book Review reviews Jess's latest book and does an interview with the author. Complete.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 787 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/29/2009 - Jess M. - Complete
How to Write a Harry Potter Fanfiction by cupid-painted-blind reviews
Seven steps to writing yet another cliched Harry Potter fanfiction.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,051 - Reviews: 293 - Favs: 326 - Follows: 35 - Published: 8/2/2006 - Complete
Defending Bjork by MahliaLily reviews
Completed 9.12.04. What if Rory and Jess had destroyed the snowman in "Bracebridge Dinner"? What if everything had been different? What if Season 2 had gone my way? Lit and JJ
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 149,958 - Reviews: 839 - Favs: 510 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 9/12/2004 - Published: 11/10/2002 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Attack
The missing episode wherein Di Chou gives Mipeng that black eye. The Kite Rider.
Misc. Books - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 463 - Published: 10/2/2011 - Complete
Hey, Diary reviews
A few moments in the mind of Kate Fitzgerald.
My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 787 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/13/2011 - Kate F.
Picnic reviews
Valentines, the Weasleys, Teddy and goblin-made jewelery. My first fanfic. Please don't be too harsh, I know it's not brilliant, but I hope you like it! R&R.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,012 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 6 - Published: 4/28/2011 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete