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Joined 02-13-11, id: 2748850, Profile Updated: 04-11-12

GOD vs. Science

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, “Let me explain the problem science has with religion.” The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. “You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'”

“Yes sir,” the student says.
“So you believe in God?”

“Absolutely.”
“Is God good?”

“Sure! God's good.”

“Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?”

“Yes.”
“Are you good or evil?”
“The Bible says I'm evil.”

The professor grins knowingly. “Aha! The Bible!” He considers for a moment. “Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him would you try?”
“Yes sir, I would.”
“So you're good...!”
“I wouldn't say that.”

“But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.”
The student does not answer, so the professor continues. “He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good Hmmm? Can you answer that one?”
The student remains silent.
“No, you can't, can you?” the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. “Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?”

“Er...yes,” the student says.

“Is Satan good?”

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. “No.”

“Then where does Satan come from?”

The student falters. “From God”

“That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?”
“Yes.”

“So who created evil?” The professor continued, “If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.” Again, the student has no answer. “Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred?Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?”
The student squirms on his feet. “Yes.”

“So who created them?” The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. “Who created them?” There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. “Tell me,” he continues onto another student. “Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?”

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. “Yes, professor, I do.”

The old man stops pacing. “Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?”
“No sir. I've never seen Him.”

“Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?”

“No, sir, I have not.”
“Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'
“'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.”

“Yet you still believe in him?”

“Yes.”
“According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?”
“Nothing,” the student replies. “I only have my faith.”
“Yes, faith,” the professor repeats. “And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.”
At the back of the room another student stands quietly for a moment before asking a question of His own. “Professor, is there such thing as heat?”
“Yes,” the professor replies. “There's heat.”
“And is there such a thing as cold?”

“Yes, son, there's cold too.”

“No sir, there isn't.”
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. “You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.
“Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmit synergy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.”

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
“What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?”
“Yes,” the professor replies without hesitation. “What is night if it isn't darkness?”

“You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.
“In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?” The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester.
“So what point are you making, young man?”
“Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.”
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. “Flawed? Can you explain how?”
“You are working on the premise of duality,” the student explains. “You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.
“It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.”

“Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?”
“If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes,of course I do.”
“Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?” The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed. “Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?”
The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.
“To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.” The student looks around the room. “Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?” The class breaks out into laughter. “Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.
“So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?”
Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. “I guess you'll have to take them on faith.”

“Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,” the student continues. “Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?”
Now uncertain, the professor responds, “Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. The manifestations are nothing else but evil.”

To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.”

The professor sat down.

Rules For Writing:

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used unless you don't want to seem too formal.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
13. Do not use more words, phrases, sentences, or other linguistic elements than you, yourself, actually really and definitely need to use or employ when expressing yourself or otherwise giving voice to what you may or may not be thinking when you are trying to say how many words you should use or not use when using words.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, i.e. etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill excessive exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others elude to them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate distracting quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have once remarked, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

-Kitten1011

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

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Hallowed Time Twists by Muffliato reviews
Mixing the Potter kids with the Master of Death, not-so-secret horcruxes, haywire magic, and the dawning Second War could only end in catastrophe. All was well? Harry Potter really shouldn't have tempted fate like that. For the Potters are now stuck in a year where Voldemort is far more than a half-forgotten nightmare. — Canon compliant, Next Generation Time Travel.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 194,764 - Reviews: 504 - Favs: 541 - Follows: 632 - Updated: 5/24 - Published: 12/17/2011 - [Harry P., Ginny W.] James S. P., Albus S. P.
Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past by S'TarKan reviews
The war is over. Too bad no one is left to celebrate. Harry makes a desperate plan to go back in time, even though it means returning Voldemort to life. Now an 11 year old Harry with 30 year old memories is starting Hogwarts. Can he get it right?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 409,130 - Reviews: 13290 - Favs: 16,937 - Follows: 15,925 - Updated: 4/7 - Published: 10/28/2005 - Harry P., Ginny W.
Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality by Less Wrong reviews
Petunia married a biochemist, and Harry grew up reading science and science fiction. Then came the Hogwarts letter, and a world of intriguing new possibilities to exploit. And new friends, like Hermione Granger, and Professor McGonagall, and Professor Quirrell... COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 122 - Words: 661,619 - Reviews: 30085 - Favs: 16,337 - Follows: 14,438 - Updated: 3/14 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Surprise! by FirePhoenix86 reviews
Now that Harry is free, he gets another Bombshell revelation about his past that was kept from him, and apparently everyone else as well. Can he finally live his life the way he's always wanted? Parents, his Godfather, and a real family? J/L, HP/GW
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 73 - Words: 320,833 - Reviews: 1491 - Favs: 754 - Follows: 786 - Updated: 3/7 - Published: 7/27/2009 - Harry P., James P. - Complete
In Care Of by Fang's Fawn reviews
During the summer before sixth year, Harry finds an injured bat in the garden and decides to try to heal it...and an unwilling Snape learns just what kind of a person Harry Potter really is. No slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 46,787 - Reviews: 1593 - Favs: 5,508 - Follows: 2,195 - Updated: 2/3 - Published: 3/16/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Parents Sitting by Paradise-san786 reviews
Albus unknowingly uses a prototype potion to prank his brother James, but Harry and Ginny end up drinking it instead. Now it's up to James, Albus and Lily to take care of their 6 and 5 years old parents until the potion wears off. Along the way they find out some pretty interesting facts about their Dad and Mum, see how they'll deal with it. HP/GW R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 62,617 - Reviews: 266 - Favs: 366 - Follows: 545 - Updated: 12/5/2014 - Published: 6/30/2012 - Albus S. P., Harry P., James S. P., Lily Luna P.
Fate Fell Short by bellalou5 reviews
Annabeth is dragged to a party by her best friend, Thalia. Getting all kinds of wasted and sleeping with her crush of four years was not the expected outcome by far, but when she is left with a little stick containing two pink lines, she has to prepare herself for the next nine months of tortuous teen pregnancy :: will be re-uploaded after you people learn to get over yourselves
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,617 - Reviews: 1394 - Favs: 609 - Follows: 799 - Updated: 10/17/2014 - Published: 5/23/2014 - [Annabeth C., Percy J.] Thalia G.
Questions and Answers by little0bird reviews
When the past and present collide with the Potter/Weasley children... A bit AU with characters' names and some pairings. Family tree now posted on my profile page. 3/16/10 -- going back and cleaning up a few things; nothing major will change.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 95 - Words: 447,904 - Reviews: 4659 - Favs: 1,581 - Follows: 1,679 - Updated: 8/3/2014 - Published: 12/18/2007
A Slight Mishap by sapphire-angel-gem reviews
Harry Potter knew something was going to go wrong when, as a punishment, Snape made him test an uncompleted ageing potion. Something always goes wrong. And he was right.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 86,345 - Reviews: 610 - Favs: 1,103 - Follows: 1,305 - Updated: 1/12/2014 - Published: 1/8/2006 - Harry P.
Backward With Purpose Part I: Always and Always by Deadwoodpecker reviews
AU. Harry, Ron, and Ginny send themselves back in time to avoid the destruction of everything they hold dear, and the deaths of everyone they love. This story is now complete! Stay tuned for the sequel!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 56 - Words: 287,186 - Reviews: 4039 - Favs: 4,608 - Follows: 1,593 - Updated: 4/14/2013 - Published: 2/28/2008 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Carry On by Teenlaunch reviews
Harry suddenly finds himself in the time of the Marauders and in deep trouble. Will he be able to hide his identity from the Marauders? And will he realize the family he has wanted for so long is right beside him? timetravel, bondingfamily fic, AU no DH
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 134,024 - Reviews: 1559 - Favs: 1,546 - Follows: 1,816 - Updated: 7/13/2012 - Published: 7/20/2007 - Harry P., Remus L.
Peculiar by shana852963 reviews
Sequel to Abnormal. More secrets are uncovered, and Dudley's daughter enters her second year of Hogwarts. Harry, meanwhile, is faced with a Dark witch who's power seems to rival that of some of the worst that he's faced in the past.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 39 - Words: 50,011 - Reviews: 161 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 9/10/2011 - Published: 6/11/2011 - Complete
Jumping On The Bandwagon by Worldmaker reviews
After reading dozens of these silly things, I felt the uncontrollable urge to do one myself. Yeah, I know everyone's doing them. So what... they're fun.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 24 - Words: 9,667 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 8/15/2011 - Published: 2/27/2008
You don't know what you've missed by Parteh Parteh Babeh reviews
Harry goes on another whirlwind adventure at breakneck speeds and ends up with more than he could ever know. How would he react to the mysteries of the past?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 20 - Words: 29,911 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 7/21/2011 - Published: 11/26/2010 - Harry P., James P.
Time Warp by Kittenn1011 reviews
Harry Potter wakes up one morning in the body of his ten-year-old self. This time around, he declares, no way anyone's going to die! -And it's gonna be totally awesome- "People shouldn't meddle with time, Potter." Little did they know...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 37 - Words: 116,434 - Reviews: 957 - Favs: 1,661 - Follows: 2,125 - Updated: 6/28/2011 - Published: 9/23/2009 - Harry P., Draco M.
Abnormal by shana852963 reviews
The Dursley's mayy have to get a whole new perspective about the wizarding world, or Dudley will, seeing as his daughter is starting to show signs of being a witch. He needs the help of his cousin Harry, who he hasn't spoken to since he left, to help him.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 37 - Words: 77,057 - Reviews: 285 - Favs: 180 - Follows: 175 - Updated: 6/11/2011 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Complete
Nineteen Years later by Gamma Orionis reviews
You didn't really think Molly would be able to kill Bellatrix, did you?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,928 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 5/7/2011 - Published: 4/24/2011 - Bellatrix L., Voldemort - Complete
Evil is in our mist by crouchintiger reviews
Harry time travels to the period his mum and dad were alive. James mistakes Harry as someone who is out to harm his wife and child. Taking drastic measures, he treats his own son like a criminal.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,889 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 4/10/2011 - Published: 7/3/2004 - Harry P., James P.
Courtesy Of Sirius…Or Was It Remus? by ElvenMuggle reviews
Sirius...Or Remus...Decide to lock Lily and James in a room in an attempt to finally bring them together. But, of course, the plan goes wrong and Lily, along with all of the marauders, all end up trapped. And then chaos ensues.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 39,499 - Reviews: 333 - Favs: 294 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 1/28/2011 - Published: 10/2/2010 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
Dancing with the Flower Girl by angiedotdotla reviews
"Mummy! He's so nice – I'm gonna marry him someday!"
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 994 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 158 - Follows: 14 - Published: 1/20/2011 - Remus L., N. Tonks - Complete
Older Brothers by RodentFace reviews
What all of Ginny's older brothers think after Harry and Ginny get back together after the war. Fred, when he sees them kiss cuz he's dead and spying, Ron after he and Hermione get back from Australia. The rest when Ginny tells them.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 541 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 9 - Published: 1/14/2011 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete
His Own Man by Crunchysunrises reviews
In the station between Life and Death Harry makes a different choice. Now he is eleven again, nothing is going the same as before, and people are starting to ask questions, especially the Malfoys, the Hogwarts professors and, most worryingly, Mad-Eye Moody. Harry is beginning to suspect that he might not be up to this Master of Death business and everything that goes along with it.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 31 - Words: 147,481 - Reviews: 4784 - Favs: 10,136 - Follows: 11,652 - Updated: 1/2/2011 - Published: 10/19/2009 - Harry P.
We Solemnly Swore, The Marauder's Code by Siriusly in Lurve reviews
Four men were bonded together as friends, and their code was a testament to that. They all broke the Marauder's code in very big ways, at different times for different reasons. This is the story of how and why.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 22,547 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 1/1/2011 - Published: 12/20/2009 - Marauders - Complete
Hold Me While I'm Here by Nitte iz reviews
Dumbledore gives Harry an offer he can't refuse. A year at Hogwarts without constant whispering, life-threatening situations, or Voldemort. How? By taking a trip to when Marauders were still faithful and 16. !Um, make that one out of three!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 139,503 - Reviews: 4155 - Favs: 3,958 - Follows: 4,176 - Updated: 10/11/2010 - Published: 9/8/2003 - Harry P., James P.
Justice for All by Marshmallow Moo reviews
When Albus Potter is sorted into Slytherin, he feels left out, unwanted, and useless. But when a mysterious force threatens to destroy all that his father once fought for, Albus soon learns that it is not his House that defines him, but his heart.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 26,051 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 8/9/2010 - Published: 11/3/2008 - Albus S. P., Scorpius M.
Magic? by Please.Insert.Name reviews
What actually happened on Dumbledore's visit to Tom Riddle at the orphanage... honest!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 405 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/1/2010 - Albus D., Tom R. Jr.
What's in a Name? by x-Blueberry-Muffin-x reviews
Why does James Potter think the name Elvendork is unisex? Where did the name Harry come from? Why had James gone from tenor to soprano and what does Snape have to do with all of this? A fic about why Harry is called Harry. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,661 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/29/2010 - Severus S., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Ultimate Fanfiction Cliche by SparksMightFly reviews
Harry Potter is full of annoying, disturbing, and downright stupid cliches in its fanfiction. What would happen if Harry had to live with all of them? Funny, I think!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,445 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/16/2010 - Complete
Guide For Defence Against The Dark Arts Teachers by yamiyugi23 reviews
While cleaning out his office for his first day as the new DADA teacher Harry Potter comes arcoss a book that claims it can help him get through his year as the DADA teacher only to find some shocking things. Crack fic! COMPLETED!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,028 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 32 - Published: 7/7/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
The Under Used Pun by harry-ron-hermione-fan-101 reviews
I got sick of the "You're not Sirius, I am!" jokes that people put into their stories, so after finding an awesome pic, I wrote a story with a different pun. It turned out rather funny! Please review!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 527 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 13 - Published: 6/4/2010 - Sirius B., James P. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Impossibility of Time Travel by ChibiChibi reviews
Three years post Hogwarts, post OotP. The final battle has started, but Voldemort still has a trump card hidden in his sleeve to finally get rid off Harry - he sends Harry and his friends to the past and now it is up to them to find a way home.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 42 - Words: 204,824 - Reviews: 578 - Favs: 820 - Follows: 540 - Updated: 4/23/2010 - Published: 12/27/2003 - Complete
A Better World by Pennilyn Novus reviews
A lost child wanders into Knockturn Alley, and who happens to find him but Draco Malfoy?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,733 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 919 - Follows: 71 - Published: 2/19/2010 - Draco M., Albus S. P. - Complete
A Bicycle in the Family Tree by GoddessEris reviews
After the arrest of his father, Draco discovers that his family tree is missing a limb. Yet another long lost sibling story. BtVSHP
Crossover - Buffy: The Vampire Slayer & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 24 - Words: 48,848 - Reviews: 840 - Favs: 258 - Follows: 232 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 2/11/2004
A very complicated life for a child by crouchintiger reviews
Five year old Harry is sent back in time to Hogwarts. His teenage mother helps look after him, unaware that he is her son. Harry's father, James, shows great dislike towards him, but Harry eventually gains the courage to stick up for himself.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 49,356 - Reviews: 345 - Favs: 605 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 1/4/2010 - Published: 8/1/2004 - Harry P., James P. - Complete
Oh God Not Again! by Sarah1281 reviews
So maybe everything didn't work out perfectly for Harry. Still, most of his friends survived, he'd gotten married, and was about to become a father. If only he'd have stayed away from the Veil, he wouldn't have had to go back and do everything AGAIN.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 162,639 - Reviews: 10298 - Favs: 12,609 - Follows: 5,177 - Updated: 12/22/2009 - Published: 9/13/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Scorpius Malfoy and the Improbable Plot by opalish reviews
Scorpius really should have listened to his father's numerous and dire warnings about the Potter clan. Harry feels his pain. Gen crackfic WIP, yo. Seriously, so cracky.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 47,805 - Reviews: 1274 - Favs: 1,477 - Follows: 1,187 - Updated: 10/31/2009 - Published: 6/29/2008 - Scorpius M., Harry P.
Harry's daughter by shana852963 reviews
Lily wants to start dating a boy in her year, and Harry, her brothers and cousins don't like her boyfriend. Meanwhile, a new age of Death Eaters have risen, and Harry is worried his children might suffer from them. Story sounds better than the summery
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 47,298 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 9/26/2009 - Published: 10/12/2008 - Lily Evans P. - Complete
Hogwarts Students' Biggest Secrets by Angelauthor14 reviews
All of your favourite Hogwarts students, both current and former, will each get their own chapter. Gets better as it goes along, so please don't judge from the first chapters. 17 & 18 are my personal faves. Please R&R, and most of all, enjoy!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 28 - Words: 24,412 - Reviews: 259 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 9/6/2009 - Published: 4/5/2008
The Wise One: Book Three: Being by FarenMaddox reviews
Harry and Dumbledore race to destroy Horcruxes, but does Dumbledore trust Harry? Hermione's help is invaluable, but how far will Harry allow her to go with him? And if Harry refuses to kill Voldemort, how is a teenager going to stop the Dark Lord?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 28 - Words: 256,212 - Reviews: 795 - Favs: 782 - Follows: 347 - Updated: 9/3/2009 - Published: 12/12/2008 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The Mysterious Scorch Mark by DobbyRoxMySox reviews
The thing about an untold story is this: It can be anything you want. Anything at all. And there’s a magic to that. Nope, not the kind with wands. A different kind." George reflects about his deceased twin. NOT angst.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,142 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 11 - Published: 7/30/2009 - George W., Fred W. - Complete
An Unbearable Pain by JJ Rust reviews
RW/HG. Ron learns that there is a price to pay from enjoying certain Muggle desserts too much.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 544 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/6/2009 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Hogwarts Next Top Model by Zayz reviews
AU MWPP era. In January of their 6th year, the Marauders come up with their best boredom buster to date - a recreation of the show America's Next Top Model, along with a lovely prize. Drama and hilarity in equal parts promptly ensue. R&R?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Parody - Chapters: 22 - Words: 153,530 - Reviews: 717 - Favs: 321 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 6/8/2009 - Published: 2/4/2008 - Complete
Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Angst Splatter reviews
To the outside they may seem chaotic - and maybe they were - but inside they were really a well-oiled machine. A loving family. A look inside the Weasley Family through a set of 20 drabbles.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,686 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Published: 5/29/2009 - Complete
Harry's Little Army of Psychos by RuneWitchSakura reviews
Oneshot from Ron’s POV. Ron tries to explain to the twins just how Harry made the Ministry of Magic make a new classification for magical creatures, and why the puffskeins were now considered the scariest magical creature of all time. No pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,308 - Reviews: 601 - Favs: 4,170 - Follows: 635 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Ron W., Harry P. - Complete
Ad Nauseam by Minnionette reviews
Since Harry didn’t succeed the first time, he goes back into the past to fix his mistakes again. And again, and again. Too bad no one explained that first time how Voldemort tagging along was just the Universe keeping things fair and balanced.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,661 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 681 - Follows: 158 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Messing with Fate by Bobmin356 reviews
Sometimes it's just not worth doing over.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 565 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 515 - Follows: 111 - Published: 2/13/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
Happy Birthday, Harry by Laura Chant reviews
DH Spoliers It is his birthday today. He is 27 years old. I’m stressing the word old. I have just turned six so I am excited to see if daddy has a Power Rangers cake like I had. He doesn’t. He is a big disappointment.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,836 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 9 - Published: 1/16/2009 - James S. P., Harry P. - Complete
A Weasley Family Thanksgiving by JoeMerl reviews
During Thanksgiving dinner, Fred just can't shake the feeling that something's not quite right. Rated for things you shouldn't discuss at your family meal. Crackfic.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,696 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 127 - Follows: 11 - Published: 11/27/2008 - Harry P., George W., Molly W., Fred W. - Complete
50 Things to Remember When Raising a Monster by dogstar-ebony reviews
- #23- Do not tell Rosie that pressing Uncle Harry’s ‘magic scar’ will make sweets come out of his belly button, as he doesn't find it amusing to have an over-excited four-year-old prodding his forehead." Sequel to "...When My Wife is Pregnant". Funny.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,575 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 212 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/8/2008 - Ron W., Rose W. - Complete
The Wise One: Book Two: Awakening by FarenMaddox reviews
Harry & Sirius have returned to England to join the Order in combatting Voldemort's rising influence. Harry, in the guise of an unimportant student, struggles for an identity. Can a teenager with a destiny have a normal life, with friends and loves?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 148,535 - Reviews: 1128 - Favs: 1,038 - Follows: 492 - Updated: 11/7/2008 - Published: 7/25/2008 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Recall Alice When She Was Just Small by Harmonic Friction reviews
Dudley Dursley: champion boxer, crass chav, cannibal?, bad boyfriend, good son, annoying cousin, best friend. It's hard to keep all the identities straight. Fin.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 157,798 - Reviews: 560 - Favs: 270 - Follows: 163 - Updated: 11/3/2008 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Dudley D. - Complete
Vocare Prabia by Amber Evans Potter reviews
AU. When Harry gets transported to another universe where his life is turned upside down. Is there any way that he can go home? And does he want to when he finds out his parents are still alive there? Chapter 46.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 47 - Words: 142,799 - Reviews: 1810 - Favs: 1,929 - Follows: 1,672 - Updated: 10/14/2008 - Published: 10/1/2003 - Harry P.
Death Munchers by lydiamaartin reviews
Harry comes home after capturing a group of Death Eaters. But Albus is curious about the name and, when not even Aunt Hermione can provide an explanation, the kids decide that 'Death Eaters' isn't a suitable name.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,216 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/5/2008 - Albus S. P., Harry P. - Complete
Broccoli and the Art of Subterfuge by opalish reviews
Harry has some rather questionable parenting methods. And he may or may not be responsible for Draco Malfoy's receding hairline. NextGen crackfic oneshot!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,616 - Reviews: 269 - Favs: 1,231 - Follows: 113 - Published: 8/31/2008 - Harry P., Albus S. P. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Girl Who Lived by Agnostics Puppet reviews
Harry wakes in a universe where he meets, Rose, his female alternate self. Taken over from SilverAegis when he discontinued it. Complete!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 120,261 - Reviews: 971 - Favs: 3,512 - Follows: 1,672 - Updated: 8/29/2008 - Published: 1/28/2008 - Harry P., OC - Complete
A Guide To Original Characters by dnrl reviews
A quick look at the creation of good, solid, OCs. Includes tips on how to avoid Mary Sues and Gary Stus. Information about self-inserts and what exactly is wrong with them.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,787 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 18 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Complete
Bit of a Holiday by Only Sometimes reviews
“So, after SEVEN YEARS you decide to waltz back in, a bit drunk, at two in the morning! You’re legally dead, being missing for seven years!” “Legally, not literally, c’mon now, let’s focus on the positive..."
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 44,167 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 8/5/2008 - Published: 5/14/2008 - Ginny W. - Complete
Names for Baby by Nessa Elendil reviews
Lily and James -with 'help' from Sirius- are trying to find a name for their unborn baby. What will Lily think of Elvendork? --Was not written as prelude to Baby Harry series, but may be read as such.-- -rating for mild language-
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,117 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/2/2008 - James P., Sirius B. - Complete
What's in a Name by Only Sometimes reviews
Drabble. Young Albus Severus Potter quizzes a few of his relatives in an effort to discover the meaning behind his middle name, and he's about as pleased with the answers as they are with his asking
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 502 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/15/2008 - Albus S. P. - Complete
The Wendell That Wasn't by opalish reviews
The true story of how Harry and Ginny's kids got their names. Really, it's all Snape's fault. Crackfic oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,814 - Reviews: 435 - Favs: 2,210 - Follows: 212 - Published: 7/15/2008 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete
Shift by moonfyre reviews
7 year old Harry is discovered missing only a day before Sirius Black escapes Azkaban. An angry werewolf, among others, tries to find him before the criminal does. Little does anyone know, Harry has a secret of his own...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 55,208 - Reviews: 961 - Favs: 1,661 - Follows: 787 - Updated: 7/13/2008 - Published: 6/8/2007 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Don't be scared by Winterlude reviews
On the day of his first son's birth, Harry finds an old letter from Sirius to James. One-shot. R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,631 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
The Love of A Broom by Mod Fae reviews
Harry loves his Firebolt. A bit TOO much. One-shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,558 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 6 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Fathers of the Year by opalish reviews
Harry and Draco find ways to keep the hate alive. Albus Severus and Scorpius approve. NextGen oneshot crackfic ahoy!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 531 - Reviews: 259 - Favs: 863 - Follows: 74 - Published: 7/2/2008 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Wise One: Book One: Becoming by FarenMaddox reviews
When Sirius Black escapes Azkaban and 8-year-old Harry Potter disappears, the world is thrown into upheaval. What will Britain and Harry be without each other, and who will face the Dark? You only THINK you've read this before. I guarantee you haven't.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 99,300 - Reviews: 1322 - Favs: 2,158 - Follows: 1,000 - Updated: 6/28/2008 - Published: 2/9/2008 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Don't tell me by ElvenMuggle reviews
Lily was raped when she was only fourteen so she doesn't trust anyone at all, mostly men. So how does she handle James Potter? Will James be able to break through the ice walls she's built around her heart? Or will it be too late?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 108,467 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 221 - Follows: 146 - Updated: 5/29/2008 - Published: 7/8/2004 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
A Hero by Celebony reviews
Dudley begins to see his family in a different light. Warning: strong language and themes of child abuse. WINNER: Best One-Shot at Quibbler Awards
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 18,108 - Reviews: 1176 - Favs: 5,391 - Follows: 584 - Published: 4/2/2008 - Dudley D., Harry P. - Complete
Leaky Pipes and Pygmy Puffs by Casca reviews
It's ten years after the defeat of Voldemort and Harry Potter has been named head of the Auror Department. A past file from the Second War finds its way onto his desk and causes him to remember darker times. Written Post-DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,137 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 7 - Published: 4/2/2008 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Harry Potter and Fate's Debt by Intromit reviews
Eleven year old Harry Potter is waiting to leave for Hogwarts. While he is waiting for the Dursleys to wake, he finds a letter addressed to him... from himself. It has a simple message: Get to know Ginny Weasley. Post OOTP. AU. HarryGinny.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 201,656 - Reviews: 2761 - Favs: 3,937 - Follows: 3,106 - Updated: 3/30/2008 - Published: 7/11/2005 - Harry P., Ginny W.
The World Without Me by Eternal Cosmos reviews
Harry won the war against Voldemort but at a terrible price.Fawkes gives him another chance in a new world where he died as an infant and where Voldemort still lurks in the shadows...but not for long, because when one exists the other cannot survive. AU
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 33 - Words: 188,711 - Reviews: 5116 - Favs: 7,947 - Follows: 3,458 - Updated: 3/18/2008 - Published: 12/3/2004 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Spawn of Potter by missy mee reviews
Because really, who calls their kid Albus Severus?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 484 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 9 - Published: 3/10/2008 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Unidentified Man Friend by Lils reviews
Much to Tonks' dismay, everyone in the Order of the Phoenix seems to have taken a sudden interest in her love life and who her "unidentified man friend" is exactly. One shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,607 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 163 - Follows: 16 - Published: 2/18/2008 - Remus L., N. Tonks - Complete
Said Harry by Red The Animator reviews
Oneshot. One day Harry decided to narrate everyone's life. How long will it take for everyone to go crazy? Please R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 382 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/28/2007 - Harry P., Ron W. - Complete
The Mating of the Wersh by alohakaoha reviews
Remus challenges Sirius into being unable to date, snog, frisk or shag any girl until James can get Lily to go out with him. What happens? Hilarity ensues as Sirius tries to fight his urges. Marauder era. SBOC, JPLE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 45,084 - Reviews: 198 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 11/3/2007 - Published: 10/7/2007 - Sirius B., OC - Complete
Snape's Super Secret by Red The Animator reviews
Snape has a secret. Harry and Ron want to find out what it is, but will they be able to handle the truth? And more importantly, will they be able to convince Hermione that it's true?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,509 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 9/12/2007 - Published: 9/7/2007 - Harry P., Ron W. - Complete
A Weasley Tradition by thenlaugh reviews
ONESHOT It’s common knowledge that Weasley traditions are of a legendary nature once made, they stick, and stick stronger than Sirius Black’s bikini clad muggle pictures to his bedroom wall at Grimmauld Place.PostDH HG fluff 5 years before Epilogue
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,443 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 226 - Follows: 24 - Published: 8/26/2007 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
The Gamut of Pygmy Puffs by something-like-love reviews
Ginny thought, at the time, that it was a good idea to buy Arnold the Pygmy Puff a lady friend. Now she's starting to rethink that notion. [“Oh my God, the Pygmy Puffs are fornicating in my knicker drawer! What do I do!”] [oneshot] [slight HG]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,992 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 16 - Published: 8/26/2007 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete
A Cruel And Unusual Torture by finkpishnets reviews
Oneshot. 'Have you actually looked at this list, Prongs' Sirius asked, grabbing a crumpled ball of paper from beside his elbow and chucking it at the other boys’ head. 'We have to run and shoot and dance, for Merlin’s sake'
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,675 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/12/2007 - Remus L., Sirius B. - Complete
At the Close by FarenMaddox reviews
A poem about Lily Potter's thoughts during the chapter in Deathly Hallows called The Forest Again—a very haunting chapter, and hopefully a haunting poem
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 325 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/7/2007 - Lily Evans P., Harry P. - Complete
Anticipation by Only Sometimes reviews
One shot, post DH. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny bring a bit of entertainment to the dinner table at the traditional Weasley family dinner as they fight over the usual thing: When will Ginny end the anticipation and have baby Potter?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,244 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 159 - Follows: 22 - Published: 8/2/2007 - Molly W., Ginny W. - Complete
The Sorting Hat Is Evil by O. Hannah reviews
Hilarity ensues when the Hat sinks to its lowest levels of villany! Spoilers for all of Deathly Hallows.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,215 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/24/2007 - Severus S., Phineas Nigellus - Complete
The Good, The Bad, and The Angry by Marie of Romania reviews
We all have our problems: procrastination, depression, anxiety. It just so happens that Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter both suffer from extreme anger issues. Or at least, Dr. Gerald Wynter seems to think so.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,193 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/17/2007 - Published: 1/14/2007 - Draco M., Harry P.
10 ways JK Rowling Better Not End Deathly Hallows by swim freak 9000 reviews
Well...10 ways JK Rowling better not end Deathly Hallows. It's pretty self explanitory. I'm not sure what else to say, except REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! PLEASE! Reviewers get world domination and...um....and cookies. Yum!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 505 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/12/2007 - Complete
A Week Of Mistaken Identity by 0oxymoronic0 reviews
The Marauders take on a new style for a week. Who's the emo? Who goes insane on sugar? Who's the hippie? The school has no idea what's going on!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,063 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 4/27/2007 - Published: 11/13/2006
Siriusly Bored by P.A.R reviews
Sirius is ask to babysit a very young Harry, with one major restriction.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,084 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 11 - Published: 3/25/2007 - Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
The girl or the game? by Procrastinator-starting2moro reviews
Lily won’t date James because of his Quidditch obsession, so he quits it for a bet. In 7 days, he struggles to cope with withdrawal symptoms, while she attempts to not fall in love with him and prevent embarrassing situations like sniffing his boxers.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 72,189 - Reviews: 1239 - Favs: 850 - Follows: 332 - Updated: 2/23/2007 - Published: 8/23/2005 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Sitting On The Baby by HPOD sufferer reviews
Something went seriously wrong on that Halloween night. Harry didn't just survive...He travelled through time. AS A BABY. Full summary inside. A child can't change the world. No, but he can change people.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 28 - Words: 79,418 - Reviews: 329 - Favs: 298 - Follows: 273 - Updated: 1/9/2007 - Published: 5/17/2006 - Harry P.
101 Pick Up Lines by purtyinpink71121 reviews
This is a collection of the 101 pick up lines and clever asking outs that James used on Lily... and of course her smartass responses.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,947 - Reviews: 1127 - Favs: 1,571 - Follows: 254 - Updated: 12/24/2006 - Published: 12/17/2006 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Wishing by AmanitaMuscaria reviews
You may think differently of him after reading this ...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 980 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/24/2006 - Complete
27 Stupid Things Sirius Finds to Do in a Elevator by GoddessGirl1372 reviews
Lily takes the Marauders minus Peter blah! to a mall. But she makes a big mistake. Leaving them alone. What happens when they all get seperated? plz read and review! rated 4 lang
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,344 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 9/3/2006 - Published: 8/24/2006 - Sirius B.
The Birthday Present by opalish reviews
Harry's an idiot, and Ginny helps save the world without even trying. PostHBP HarryGinny oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,224 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 248 - Follows: 46 - Published: 8/9/2006 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
The Marauders Hit the Movies by Elvett reviews
What happens when Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs go to the muggle movies? Complete chaos of course! Let's just say it's a good thing Lily's around to keep the guys in check...Discontinued
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 17,531 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/12/2006 - Published: 10/19/2003 - Lily Evans P., Sirius B. - Complete
Guide To Being A Good, Or Rather Bad Slytherin by lovinrain reviews
There are some basic guidelines that each Slytherin has to follow. Of course I, Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Prince make up the rules... I am the perfect Slytherin, the only problem is that people might find out about her... oneshot
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,731 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 15 - Published: 7/8/2006 - Draco M., Hermione G.
The Cornocopia of files of the Marauders by Master Fifer reviews
BIG words invade Hogwarts and the Marauders! Prongs and Padfoot decide to bother Moony with some BIG surprises. Will it get out of hand?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 3,260 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/3/2006 - Published: 2/1/2006
Teenage Kicks by Solstice Muse reviews
The story of the night Bill Weasley was left in charge at the Burrow and everything that can possibly go wrong for a 13 year old wizard babysitting six siblings.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 15,873 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 238 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 6/22/2006 - Published: 5/26/2006 - Bill W., Ron W. - Complete
XRay Specs by Rorschach's Blot reviews
Oneshot: Luna orders a pair of XRay glasses from the back of a non magical magazine.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,641 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 439 - Follows: 119 - Published: 5/5/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Insert Title Here by opalish reviews
How Harry defeated the Dark Lord. 'Flounce, little veela! Flounce like the wind.' PostHBP HarryGinny oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,666 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 399 - Follows: 60 - Published: 4/17/2006 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Love Means Never Having to TimeTravel by BlueRosesAtMidnight reviews
Complete. FWHG. Hermione and Fred accidentally go back in time to the Marauder's Era when a potion explodes. Hilarity ensues when Fred creates their cover story.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 77,694 - Reviews: 1462 - Favs: 2,669 - Follows: 543 - Updated: 4/16/2006 - Published: 12/5/2005 - Fred W., Hermione G. - Complete
Mistaken Identity by Silver Pard reviews
Will the real Boy Who Lived please stand up? Snape is convinced that the second Potter twin is the one to worry about. Too bad no one else seems to agree. Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,341 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 1,558 - Follows: 291 - Published: 3/27/2006 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Tragic Hero by Rorschach's Blot reviews
ONESHOT: Harry decides to take advantage of the fact that he is a tragic hero and does so in a manner suggested by Ron.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,498 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 280 - Follows: 82 - Published: 3/22/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
Putting the 'M' in Mystery by missy mee reviews
When an eighteen year old green eyed black haired teacher shows up in 1977 with a snake and flirty redhead in tow, there's sure to be complications. HG. Formally 'Meet Professor Son - I mean - Potter'
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 53,371 - Reviews: 3014 - Favs: 2,842 - Follows: 1,021 - Updated: 3/20/2006 - Published: 5/9/2005 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Invictus by caithream reviews
In which Lily tells James she's pregnant.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,558 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 16 - Published: 2/21/2006 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Diary of a Red Head by Snowy Winter Tales reviews
Fifteen year old Ginny Weasley's diary, filled with embarrassing situations, sarcasm, and a lot of Harry Potters. She's not in love with him or anything. Honestly. [And it's won an award!]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 25,061 - Reviews: 929 - Favs: 537 - Follows: 127 - Updated: 12/26/2005 - Published: 5/20/2004 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Destructively Ever After by opalish reviews
Harry Potter was about to receive the Order of Merlin, First Class, and he was not best pleased. PostHBP HarryGinny oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 858 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 269 - Follows: 36 - Published: 11/27/2005 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Invictus by opalish reviews
Harry Potter disappeared from Privet Drive when he was six years old. Now, ten years later, he's been found...and he's not about to be anyone's hero. ON HIATUS.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 92,894 - Reviews: 2469 - Favs: 2,973 - Follows: 1,872 - Updated: 11/21/2005 - Published: 1/22/2005 - Harry P.
Birth of a Name by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. OneShot. 1943. A Slytherin prefect on the brink of a series of lifechanging events, needs to settle on a secret identity that will inspire fear in the hearts of the weak... You didn’t think 'I am Lord Voldemort' was his first choice, did you?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,535 - Reviews: 482 - Favs: 1,610 - Follows: 226 - Published: 10/15/2005 - Complete
Time Travel Making Good Use of an Overused Plot by thenlaugh reviews
COMPLETE preHBP. Lily, James, Remus and Sirius break Remus' time turner and are sent forward 21 years, to where Harry is slightly messed up in his seventh year. LJ mainly. My first proper story. I can't believe I ever wrote HarrySusan... Eww.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 41,117 - Reviews: 324 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 9/4/2005 - Published: 9/24/2004 - Complete
She Eats WHAT? by Callisto Nicol reviews
James and Lily talked. To each other. And this is bad how? Remus asked. She wants to eat me! James cried out. ONESHOT
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,923 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 361 - Follows: 46 - Published: 8/26/2005 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Study on the Benefit of Private Snogging by SeeStar reviews
So, just how did Fred and George find out about Bill and Fleur’s ‘Eeenglish lessons’? (Little one-shot. Characters: Bill, Fred and George Weasley with mentions of Fleur)
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,144 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/23/2005 - Bill W., George W. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Overdone Plot Devices by citygirl1116 reviews
Exchange Students, time turners, potions accidents, long-lost twins, mysterious new powers, snogging, more exchange students...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 17,349 - Reviews: 1409 - Favs: 777 - Follows: 299 - Updated: 9/25/2004 - Published: 3/24/2004 - Harry P.
When Fanfic Characters Attack by citygirl1116 reviews
They're OOC! They're badly written! They're having lots of sex! A baffled Harry Potter encounters a terrifying evil...the fanfic versions of his friends.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,543 - Reviews: 513 - Favs: 566 - Follows: 76 - Published: 7/8/2004 - Harry P.
Forever Alive by Mordred reviews
Before the boy who lived, there was another story. One of a monster inside of a man. One of a hero inside of a child. One of a traitor inside of a friend. And one of an angel inside of a demon. COMPLETED.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 118 - Words: 455,933 - Reviews: 2230 - Favs: 1,429 - Follows: 200 - Updated: 7/8/2004 - Published: 8/4/2003 - Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
Miss Hogwarts by JennaMae reviews
When the prefects hold a one-of-its-kind beauty pageant, the students are all up for it. But will the reluctant Gryffindor contestant pull HIS act off perfectly? (EPILOGUE UP; COMPLETED!!!)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 54,854 - Reviews: 1028 - Favs: 748 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 6/5/2003 - Published: 12/6/2002 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Harry Potter, Time Traveler by Jitterbelle reviews
*Completed and AU* Harry opens a book that sends him 21 years into the future where he meets Lily Potter, his fiery teenage daughter. Harry wants to know his about future but it seems that everyone he trusts is keeping secrets from him...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 40 - Words: 160,049 - Reviews: 727 - Favs: 270 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 10/18/2002 - Published: 7/25/2002 - Harry P., Lily Luna P. - Complete
Lessons For Life by Caitlyn1 reviews
Eight years after Hogwarts, Harry recieves a letter from Dudley. What does he want? A bit of something for everyone! Now completed! *update* Changes have been made till chapter 21. Enjoy the new scenes!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 90,425 - Reviews: 1678 - Favs: 1,163 - Follows: 193 - Updated: 9/15/2002 - Published: 10/19/2000 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Sorting Fred by Morrighan reviews
There are people who are easy to sort, and there are people who are more difficult. And then there's Fred Weasley... Well, how hard can it be to sort him?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,273 - Reviews: 522 - Favs: 937 - Follows: 93 - Published: 3/16/2001 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
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