Author has written 9 stories for Mythology, Shugo Chara!, Maid Sama!, and Gakuen Alice.
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
to the top
of the tree.
REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?
Actual Product Labels that Scare Me
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (oh no! but that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On another hairdryer: "Do not use while in the shower." (yeah...this one makes sense!)
On a bag of Fritos! "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be...how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh?!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a packet of smoked salmon: "Warning. May contain fish." (well, no freaking duh.)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:
"Put on fork and eat." (And now, people know how to eat)
On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits". (Its really fake then)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I MUST be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I MUST only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I MUST be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I MUST be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt).
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I MUST be a HOMOPHOBE.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love SLASH, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
I like FIRE so I MUST be an arsonist.
I'm a CUTTER so I MUST want to commit SUICIDE.
I have been to THERAPY so I MUST be crazy
I don't wear MAKEUP, so I MUST look ugly.
I have GLASSES, so I MUST be smart.
I don't like CANDY that much, so I MUST not like sweets.
I DRINK sometimes, so I MUST be hungover 24/7.
I like INCEST, so I MUST be fucking my own sibling.
I like TECHNO and INDUSTRIAL, so I MUST go to raves.
I LOVE the store HOT TOPIC, so I MUST be GOTH.
I buy stuff from SPENCERS, so it must be a SEX TOYS.
I'm SHY, so I MUST be insecure.
I love JAPANESE BOYS, so I MUST hate AMERICAN BOYS.
I'm BI, so I MUST not care what's in your pants.
I like HENTAI, so I MUST be a perverted boy.
I play the VIOLIN, so I MUST be ASIAN.
I can wear a SIZE 0, so I MUST anorexic.
I wanna be a DOCTOR, so I MUST love blood and guts.
I have a great MEMORY, so I MUST be smart.
I have STOLEN, so I MUST be a THEIF.
I have a DEVIANTART, so I MUST want to get discovered.
I hate MYSPACE, so I MUST have no life or friends.
I like to CLEAN, so I MUST be a neat freak.
I like to BUY everything I see, so I MUST be a SHOPAHOLIC.
I have a FACEBOOK, so I MUST think I'm GROWN.
I wear short SHORTS, so I MUST be a whore.
I wear TIGHT CLOTHES, so I MUST want to show off my BODY.
I wear VANS, so I MUST be a SKATEBOARDER.
I wear CONVERSE, so I MUST be PUNK.
I don't go to the MALL, so I MUST not have a LIFE.
I dislike my own RACE, so I MUST have ISSUES.
I hate CHOCOLATE, so I MUST hate all sweets.
I watch OLD SHOWS, so I MUST be stuck in the past.
I'm OPEN MINDED, so I MUST do everything.
I hate RAIN, so I MUST not like water.
I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be SHOWING THEM OFF.
I think MILK is disgusting, so I MUST be lactose intolerant.
I like going to RESTAURANTS, so I MUST be fat.
I hate the subject of SEX, so I MUST be prude.
I actually LAUGH during HORROR MOVIES, so I MUST have no SYMPATHY.
I like to BAKE and COOK, so I MUST be FAT.
I think ANIME BOYS are better than REAL BOYS, so I MUST be CRAZY.
I can't stand TWILIGHT, so I MUST be a loser.
I love VAMPIRES, so I MUST be WEIRD.
I have BRACES, so I MUST look like a nerd.
I dislike my BODY, so I MUST have poor SELF IMAGE.
I want to be RICH, so I MUST be POOR.
I have or had multiple CRUSHES, so I MUST be a WHORE.
I don't support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST be a HOMO-PHOBE.
I choose MCCAIN, so I MUST be WHITE.
I screwed up (?)% of my teenage life
[x] Gotten detention.
[x] Gotten your phone taken away in class.
[ ] Gotten suspended.
[x] Gotten caught chewing gum.
[ ] Gotten caught cheating on a test.
[x] Arrived late to class more than 5 times.
[x ] Didn’t do homework over 5 times
[ ] Turned at least 3 projects in late
[ ] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[ ] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class.
] Got your mom / dad etc. to get you out of school.
[x] Texted people during class
[x] Passed notes.
[x] Threw stuff across the room.
[x] Laughed at the teacher.
[ ] Pulled down the Fire Alarm.
[ ] Went on Myspace , Facebook , Xanga , etc. on the computer at school.
[x] Took Pictures during school hours
[x] Called someone during School hours
[x] Listened to an iPod , CD , etc... During class.
Total : 3
[ ] Threw something at the teacher
[x] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[x] Broke the dress code.
[x] Failed a class.
[x] Ate food during class.
] Gotten a call from school.
[ ] Couldn’t go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[x] Didn’t take your stuff to school.
[ ] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[ ] Stuck up your middle finger at a teacher when they were not looking.
[x] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear.
Total : 2
[x] Faked your parents signature .
[ ] Slept in class.
[ ] Cursed at a teacher to their face.
[x] Copied homework
In all: 20
MULTIPLY BY THREE : 60% lmao, i'm not even done yet
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.
Some crap that would never happen on Naruto:
Naruto will stop saying believe it.
Hinata will stop blushing so much around Naruto.
Ino will stop being a bitch.
Tsunade will admit her boobs are fake.
Kakashi will tell everyone about his life.
Orochimaru will stop being gay.
Kabuto will stop being his bitch/whore.
Karin and Sasuke will get together.
Karin will stop being a bitch.
Suigetsu will give up water forever.
Itachi will leave the Akatsuki and he and Sasuke will be friends again.
Kisame will admit he's a homosexual.
Minato Namikaze will come back to life and everything will be okay.
Deidara will admit he's really a woman.
Sasori and Sakura will get together.
Gaara will have kids.
Orochimaru will come out and admit he is really Michael Jackson.
Tobi is in his right state of mind.
Asuma will stop smoking.
Tsunade will give up gambling.