"It's a Harry Potter drinking game," Ron explained. "Every time you call attention to your scar, everyone in hearing range has to take a shot. You've done it three times since you walked in." / A Crackfic Collection featuring OOC-ness, broken fourth walls, and cringe-worthy puns.

It's fitting, Sirius thinks bitterly as he kicks the pile of straw they expect him to sleep on, that he's in Azkaban because of something Peter did.

"What?" James grabs the newspaper. "What on Earth—since when are you two even together?" / platonic!Blackinnon (or is it?)

The food fight had started nine days ago, on the first morning of the Christmas holiday, when Snape had looked at James the wrong way during breakfast and sent the latter into a frenzy that had resulted in a single egg being thrown across the Great Hall.

She dreams of hands as white as snow. / Snow White!AU

It started with an innocent question at breakfast: "Ever wonder what it would be like to fly without a broom?"

"You're dead." She can't stop the word from trembling on her tongue. "You're not real." Tom Riddle's mouth, dark as ink against his pale complexion, slants into a smirk. "Are you certain?"

She sits on the rock and runs a comb through her crimson hair and tries and tries and tries to get rid of the tangles.

In retrospect, they should never have let Hagrid be in charge of planning Professor Kettleburn's retirement party.

"You came all the way to Hogwarts to tell me you've been dreaming about torturing me?" / For Nasim, with all of my procrastinate-y love

You feel warm. You feel as if you are glowing.

The stars were so bright that Lily couldn't sleep.

They say the prisoners here go mad, and you often wonder whether they're talking about the men or the Dementors.

The first day of Quidditch season is tense in the Weasley household. It's the one day, after all, where every single team plays.

"Tell me about Hogwarts again."

"We both know why you want to buy a house with four bedrooms." /For Magnolia :)

After a long day of work, Remus turns the key in the lock of his front door and, after the usual struggle to get the key back out, walks into his apartment. "Hullo," says Sirius from the couch, and Remus nearly drops his briefcase. / For Claire, with love.

Sirius knows something is wrong when Marlene comes home from the store and doesn't shout for him to come help her put away the groceries. / SiriusandMarlenelive!AU written for a nightmare of a person who forfeited the privilege of being my friend by earning himself a reputation for instigating drama and slandering people, so consider it re-gifted to anyone who likes Blackinnon :)

"Terminated?" says Rolanda Hooch, yellow eyes flashing as she strides into his office with a slip of parchment in her hand. "Terminated, Severus?"

"How'd you get in the girls' dormitory?" she tries to ask, but after the first two words she cuts herself off and clutches her throat. Her voice comes out sounding husky, with a deepness too significantly different from her normal voice to be written off

"I promise I won't say 'I told you so' when you two realize you love each other." / K-rated material with one curse word.

Sirius smirked and reached out with a bruised fist to gently punch her shoulder. "You love me, McKinnon."

Two weeks ago, when George and Angelina had invited them to a Halloween party at the joke shop, Oliver and Katie had started their hunt for the perfect couple's costume. / For Melody and Amber

Love stories that really happened. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, and the heartbreakers.

Everything is Cedric, Cedric, Cedric, hammering away into her skull until she hates the name and the past and the person.

"Poor old James Potter," James sings, changing the song's rhythm slightly to fit his name into the lyrics. "Sounded sad upon the radio, but he moved a million hearts mono!" / Based on the song Come On, Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners

"We are going to sit quietly," Molly says as she guides George into a seat, "and we are going to behave, and we are not going to do anything to ruin this wedding. Do you understand me?"

"Mr. Darcy?" she hears herself say. He stops. Turns. "I look forward to being your fellow Prefect." / Pride and Prejudice Crossover. To be continued.

"Honestly, Salazar, I don't understand your prejudice," Godric says, tilting back slightly in his chair.

Tom tells her she's beautiful without the makeup, and the heat that pools in her stomach when he compliments her is delicious and new and dripping with a kind of desire she doesn't fully understand. / Quidditch League Judge's Pick Winner, Round 10

"Did you invite the paparazzi photographing us through the window, Draco, or is that just a happy coincidence?" / Slight Othello!AU that disregards the epilogue. Dedicated to Amy, who loves Dramione and is still a Holyhead Harpy for life.

"Sirius," Slughorn says, "pair up with Severus and let him teach you the proper way to brew a Shrinking Solution." / TwelfthNight!AU

Rose closes her eyes tightly and wishes her mother were still there. / "Epilogue? What Epilogue?"AU (although most of the epilogue stays pretty intact).

She's never told the truth about why she wants so badly to create liquid love.

Narcissa's heart melts slightly as she watches how good her husband is with their son. (Without warning, the nausea peaks.) / Cliffhanger ending alert! Don't bother asking for a sequel, you're not going to get one ;)

Their last kiss is almost as flawed as their first.

Hermione's horrible house-elf hats are disappearing right and left...

Sirius dropped to his knees and fished a small black notebook from under his mattress. Inside was a list of every prank he'd come up with since starting at Hogwarts nearly seven years ago.

Their family is tiny and poor, but he is worth every galleon they don't have. / For Dalton and Ever

For as long as Fred can remember, it's always been George. (How can it not be?) / Judges' Pick Winner for the Quidditch League Round 4

Somehow, Rowena knows that this time he isn't coming back. / Voted Best Founder One-Shot in the Fan-Picked Fanfiction Awards!

"Isn't it obvious to the two of you?" Potter asked, turning to address his friends. "Snivellus has got a crush."

Neville ripped into the envelope and gently pulled out the invitation. In red script, someone had written, "You Are Cordially Invited to the 17th Annual Potter-Weasley Christmas Party."

"Welcome home," he says with that childlike grin as he opens the door to his hut, and she loses her breath as if someone's sucker punched her. This is not a home.

When Cedric was born, Amos said goodbye to his peace and quiet forever.

It had been seven hundred days since George Weasley had changed the sign on the door from, "Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes" to, "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

Nobody knows better than Pansy Parkinson that it's possible to love more than one person at the same time.

"If you look up idiot in the dictionary, you know what you'll find?"

Hestia Jones had spoken to Kingsley Shacklebolt exactly three times. (It was enough to make her love him.)

"One, two, three, what do you wish?" Rose Weasley whispered, clutching her muggle coin tightly in her fist. "A flower," Dominique said. "I wish for a flower.

On her third day of work, Ginny Weasley stumbles into the Holyhead Harpies changing room with her eyes only half-open, as usual.

"I read the book," he says. "Peter Pan. Took me all summer. And I've figured out why you're always so uptight and miserable: it's because you're trying so hard to be this Wendy character." / For Safari. (Sorry for cheating.)

It was pitch-black in her motel room, but outside Luna could hear the Spring Breakers still partying away. / MuggleUniversity!AU

Admittance to the Captain's Lounge comes with prestige and honor - but it also comes with the other three Quidditch captains, and Oliver's interactions with Davies, Flint, and Diggory almost always end with hexes flying.

Harry Potter poetry

Over Ginny's shoulder, Dean can see the rest of the Weasleys huddled together around one of the bodies on the floor, and his heart sinks for her.

Draco looks mildly amused. "Did you just hit me with a book? How extremely stereotypical of you, Granger."

The ring on her finger is engraved with a tiny rose that leaves a shallow imprint whenever she takes it off. (She only takes it off twice.)

A collection of drabbles featuring the Weasley family. Written primarily for the Connect The Weasleys Challenge on HPFC.

"'Arranging Your Advantageous Marriage,' it says." Ron dropped the pamphlet on the coffee table and crossed his arms. "Why did you slide a brochure about arranged marriages under my door, Percy?" / For Mew

It makes Hermione sick to her stomach to know that Ron Weasley is the one bringing the word "love" to Lavender's lips. / Unrequited HermioneLavender. For Samantha.

Marlene taps her long fingernails against the side of her scotch glass. "Lily, honey, it's your bachelorette night. You take all the firewhiskey shots you want."

"Honestly, Oliver, you're so dense sometimes." The woman called Mrs. Wood rolled her eyes. "Katie's not from the future. She's from the past." / Time travel (honestly I don't know what this is)

"Is it true what they're saying?" Travers asked in hushed tones. "About, you know . . . is he really gone?" Snape nodded shortly. "He's gone." Travers cursed. "For good? He ain't coming back this time?" "So it would appear." /Sequel to Unbreakable

At the word "impressive," Sirius rolls his eyes. "Oh," he says. "I see. This is about Lily." / Before the flying motorcycle was Sirius', it belonged to a Potter.

Monday was tall and handsome, with pale eyes that matched his hair, and he was always strumming his guitar in the common room when you were trying to read. / Dolores Umbridge had seven relationships.

She raises her eyebrows and smirks. "Have you ever been ice skating, Wood?" / For Melody.

The Trolley Lady doesn't really mind living on the train.

"Arthur Weasley is disgusting," Lucius says, shaking his blond head. "Arrogant, pimply muggle-lover. Gryffindors always are." (Narcissa says nothing, because the Sorting Hat considered putting her in Gryffindor only a week ago, and she decides Lucius Malfoy isn't such a kind boy after all.)

People come and go, but Oliver is always here, in this place that smells like formaldehyde and looks like a whitewashed prison. / Hospital!AU

The muggle doctors call it "mononucleosis" and James Potter calls it "faking it," but no matter what it is, the fact remains that Lily Evans sleeps all the time, and there doesn't seem to be anything anyone can do about it. / For Laura

When he looked over his shoulder on his way home, he caught Mrs. Figg staring at him through her window. / Seven times a young Harry Potter saw mysterious adults watching him.

Because yes, his little Ella is beautiful, but beauty doesn't make up for being a freak, and Dudley would rather start over new than admit to his friends that he's got a witch for a daughter.

"Greater good?" Katie repeats. "I am your wife, Oliver Wood. I am the greatest good you are ever going to get." / Incredibles AU for my other Secret Santa.

It isn't until she's actually boarding the R.M.S. Titanic that Lily Evans realizes her life is over. / Titanic!AU for my Secret Santa, Phoebe.

Bellatrix watches the dark-haired girl pirouette across the stage with her sandy-haired lover, and she prays for a happy ending. / Nutcracker AU. For Safari.

For some reason, Fred couldn't get the image of Hermione Granger out of his head. / A Christmas Fremione for the lovely Colleen :) Post-Hogwarts, FredLives!AU.

"I think Oliver knows that accidental pregnancy is a legitimate risk of having sex," Alicia said with a grin. /Post-Hogwarts AU (because Fred is alive)

According to every logical reason he can come up with, he should be in love with her. (But he isn't, because she's not Lily.)

(She was most definitely not over Oliver Wood.)

Katie didn't understand why they called it "falling in love." (Kissing him felt more like flying.)

By the time Pansy's first year of Hogwarts rolled around, she and Daphne Greengrass had settled into a strict routine of hating each other.

The instinct to touch his arm flared up inside of her for half a second, but Lily had gotten good at repressing that. She hadn't touched James in nearly six months. She wasn't allowed to anymore.

Fred let out a great gasp. "Up to no good?" he repeated, offering Katie a chair. She sat. "Us? What could you possibly mean?"

Everyone knew Teddy Lupin wasn't going to be a werewolf. (But they still breathed a sigh of relief when his first full moon came and went and nothing happened.) / For Liza

The firelight made his face look different - not soft, Lily thought, but less sharp, less angular - she had to remind herself that she hated this boy.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Rowena who lived in a cottage by the sea with a woman called Mummy and a man called Dad, and everything was happy until it wasn't.

Ron wanted to dance with her more than anything in the world.

"New Year's Eve is nothing special." Levina's hourglass had frozen; she gave it a quick tap with her finger, and the sand dropped to the lower bulb. "1772 will be exactly the same as 1771 has been, and then next year we'll all feel silly for celebrating something so trivial."

"I will be here when you wake," says Tom, and it could be a promise, or a threat, or a lie, she doesn't know, and Ginny has a terrible feeling she is never going to find out.

Gilderoy Lockhart, Best Smile Award, he repeats over and over, until it's the only thing left in his entire memory. He will never forget again.

You sit in your Muggle Studies class and you scratch little notes into the surface of your table for Blaise Zabini, who sits in this chair one class period after you, and you try as hard as you possibly can to tune out the voice of Hermione bloody Granger.

A pile of dishes hit the floor with a clatter; Lily's wrist had twitched. "Potter?" she said, and her eyes were wide. "What Potter?" / The Great Gatsby AU. For Safari. Complete. / Voted Best Fanon MC and Best Ending to a MC in the Fan-Picked Fanfiction Awards!

They tell him all the time that his father was a great man before The Incident. "A really top-notch Auror," Gran says. "One of the greatest dark-wizard hunters Britain has ever seen."

When Percy walks through the doors on his first day of work, he's so nervous that he doesn't see the girl until he quite literally runs into her.

Five-year-old George looked at his twin brother and sighed wistfully. "I wish we could do magic."

"I'm not going to Hogwarts, Tuney," Lily said. "I vetoed. We sent the letter to Dumbledore an hour ago. I told Mum I want to stay here with you."

The thickest book on the shelf by her bed was about a beauty who fell for a beast, which Lily Evans thought was the most romantic thing in the world, and which Sirius Black thought was a load of crap.

Dudley had never been to that pub before - Queasy Cauldrons, or something like that - and they'd looked at him funny when he'd tried to pay by credit card.

The note she passes him during class is exactly the kind of thing you would expect: "Do you like me? Check yes or no." / For Safari

He meets Tonks on the first day of school, and after that he's done for.

"James Potter is infinitely kind," Sirius repeated slowly, and he was grinning. "Evans. Do mine ears deceive me?"

She was sixteen years old when Sirius asked her to marry him. "You're daft," she told him. "I'm in love," he corrected.

Quirinus stayed next to his father for a long time, staring at the floor and turning the word "powerful" over and over in his mind.

A one-sided correspondence between two friends who were both monsters - except that neither of them were monsters at all.

His eleventh birthday begins as soon as the clock strikes midnight, and Benjy is watching the sky for the owl that will bring his Hogwarts letter.

No matter what she tells her family, she does not regret Tom Riddle.

The Gunhilda Memorial Fund is a scholarship awarded to one student per year - the one who shows the most ambition, the most dedication, and the most passion about his or her chosen field. And one of our finalists is you, Charlie Weasley.

When he was young, his best friend took him to the cliffs. /The same story told over and over (but it's never really the same, is it, love?)

To be perfectly honest she had no idea what "death" was. "It's like falling asleep," her mummy had said when she'd asked. "Forever." / How Molly Weasley's family copes. Complete. [Word Count: 3,818]

The cat kept her eyes fixed on the kitchen window of Number Four, as if she was waiting for something to happen. (Nothing did, of course. Nothing ever really happened on Privet Drive.) /30 invasions of privacy in 750 words or fewer.

Even MORE drabbles about the pairings you love, hate, and have never even considered. / Companion to "Of The Lost" by MelodyPond77 and a continuation of Silly Love Songs. Written for HPFC.

The first time Teddy Lupin met Victoire Weasley, he had no intention of marrying her, thank you very much.

Drabbles for the obscure, the forgotten, the unappreciated, and the nameless. Written for the Tien Len Competition on HPFC.

"And once everyone else has gone to sleep, she chants it like a mantra: I wish I wasn't a Slytherin." /Three evil wishes that didn't come true and one that did. Written for HPFC. [Word Count: 2,442]

"Tell me, Lily Evans," asked the Sorting Hat, "why did you agree to come to Hogwarts?" / My (extremely last-minute) entry for the So You Think You Know Your Character Competition on HPFC. Chapter titles inspired by pop-pop-bananas. [Word Count: 6,920]

"We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." /Three students who didn't expect to get a Hogwarts letter, and one who expected nothing less. Written for HPFC. [Word count: 2,717]

He noticed her beauty from all the way across the train station. / How Sirius and Marlene found, loved, and lost each other - in only 100 chapters. Written primarily for the "100 Prompts, 100 Drabbles, 100 Words Or Less Challenge" on HPFC. Dedicated to Safari (wouldtheywriteasongforyou). [Word Count: 9,839]

His first day in Azkaban is miserable. Because he's innocent, innocent, innocent, and why won't anyone believe him? /Sirius and Remus and how they lived without each other. Written for HPFC.

"Evans?" Snape interrupted. "You think I loved Evans? No, it wasn't her. It was never her." / In which Snape falls in love with a different girl, and everything changes because of it.

A collection of drabbles with all the pairings you secretly and not-so-secretly love. Written primarily for the Shipping Shuffle Competition on HPFC. [Word Count: 26,321]

Lily's portrait was nailed to the wall in the foyer right next to her grandmother's, and they were two Lilys and two redheads and two Potters, but they were by no means the same. / Written for HPFC

Bertha Jorkins received her Hogwarts letter on the 27th of October. Her parents were overjoyed. (She didn't have the heart to tell them she didn't want to go.) /Written for HPFC

Dear Cissy, the letter began. Our sister Andromeda has been blasted from the family tree for inappropriate relations with a Mudblood. From this day forward, we are not to speak to her, or refer to her, or acknowledge her existence in any way whatsoever. /Written for challenges on HPFC

"It's your birthday?" Pansy Parkinson asked from across the table. Crabbe nodded glumly. "Fourteenth." /Written for challenges on HPFC

Someone might see her and wonder what Helga Hufflepuff, the legendary Founder of Hogwarts, was doing in the Forbidden Forest - or, more importantly, how the legendary Founder of Hogwarts was still alive. /Semi-Sequel to The Sorting Hat and Of Animagi And Men. For Tris.

"I take care of my family. I'll make you amazing, cousin. Even if it kills you." /The rise and fall of Evan Rosier. Written for challenges on HPFC

A collection of drabbles written out of fear, hatred, and confusion, on all the topics the author would prefer to avoid. Written primarily for the Fear Factor Competition on HPFC.

"Bring me back," she says, and suddenly she's filled with an inexplicable rage that makes her sit up and throw the Time Turner at the floor with every ounce of strength in her body. /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

"So what are you going to do, mate?" asked Sirius. James shrugged. "I'm going to ask her to marry me." /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC.

"Patronuses aren't dark magic. And I think I prefer them to Unforgivables." And Cissy swept away into the library, leaving Bellatrix looking exasperated and maybe a little sad. /Written for several challenges and competitions on HPFC.

Standing before him, just where Fawkes used to be, was a beautiful woman clad in a dress the color of flames. /Sequel (of sorts) to The Sorting Hat. Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC.

The first letter Sybill writes is just after her great-great-grandmother's funeral, and it is blurred and smudged from all the tears. /Written for several challenges and competitions on HPFC.

"The Wizard of Oz?" Professor Binns said. "The Wizard of Oz is historically correct. I'm him. The Wizard of Oz. That's me." /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

Two red-headed boys are rolling around on the floor, punching each other for all they're worth, and they're shouting at each other with absolutely identical voices. /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

Everyone is looking. And Neville doesn't really blame them. He'd have been looking, too, if he saw a boy with half his body stuck inside a barrier at the train station. /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

Snapshots of characters' lives in 30-word bursts. /Written for the 30 Words or Less challenge on HPFC. [Word Count: 2,834]

Godric Gryffindor would just like to state, for the record, that he's a little uneasy with this plan. /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

He wasn't sure how he'd managed it, but he was in a part of the castle he had never seen before. Which was weird. Because Crabbe had been going to this school for three years, and he should have known how to find Transfiguration. /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

Your eyes look haunted, almost dead, even though you're not the one lying on the floor, and even later, even years later, they never go back to normal. /Written for the numerous competitions on HPFC

Even though he's the one being rejected, it's Lily's heart that's breaking. /Set in Lily's fifth year. Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

"I will love you no matter which house you're in," his father had reminded him before he boarded the train for the first time. /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

"Dudley would be jealous if he saw how much I love you," she whispers. She's never told this baby she loves him. She knows she'll never be able to say it again. It won't do to let Vernon find out, or Lily, or anyone other than this tiny bundle that can't understand her anyway. /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

"Even later, when it was all over and the bodies were safely underground, nobody could really put a finger on why those four particular boys had gotten along so well." /Written for numerous challenges and competitions on HPFC

"Can I start you off with something to drink, then?" "Erm, I'd like one order of . . . the Phoenix Firewhiskey?" The ginger's head snapped up. "You want an order of the Phoenix?" /First in the trilogy.