Author has written 6 stories for Phineas and Ferb, Maximum Ride, Supernatural, and Doctor Who.
Yo, I'm Adriana, or Ari for short. I write.
Things you are NOT allowed to do in Ranger's Apprentice, and what will happen to you if you do.
1. You are NOT allowed to sing "Greybeard Halt". Halt will make you spend the night in a tree. A PINE tree O.O
2. You are NOT allowed to answer a question with another question. Halt will glare at you and make you feel stupid.
3. You are NOT allowed to say "But I thought..." Halt will say "you're and apprentice. You're not supposed to think" or "If you thought about it, you wouldn't ask"
4. You are NOT allowed to give Tug more than one apple a day. Halt will say "One is quite enough." Tug however, will tend to dissagree.
5. You are NOT allowed to question Halt's skills for ANY reason. Odds are he'll kill you. Painfully.
6. You are NOT allowed to tell anyone that Halt's not really grim all the time. He'll knock you into next week and then kill you.
7. You are NOT allowed to sing "We're off to see the wizard" on your way to visit Malcolm. He'll turn you into a lizard.
8. You are NOT allowed to send your Christmas wishlist to Erak. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. After stealing everything on the list.
9. You are NOT allowed to sing "Santa's comin' to town" when you see Erak coming. He'll brain you with a battleaxe.
10. You are NOT allowed to ask why, exactly, Keren's name is Keren. He'll hypnotize you.
11. You are NOT allowed to sing "Dude looks like a lady" when you see Keren. He'll throw a blue rock at you.
12. You are NOT allowed to hum the James Bond theme while tracking things with Halt. He'll shoot you with an arrow.
13. You are NOT allowed to hum alien music as you near Healers Clearing. Malcolm will kill you.
14. You are NOT allowed to use the "Green Giant" jingle when you see Trobar. He'll steal your puppy.
15. You are NOT allowed to to talk about your wonderful recipe for clam chowder in Skandia. You'll be brained.
16. You are NOT allowed to iceskate on the pond in Skandia. You'll be assigned to the paddles (But hey, at least you'll get to stare at Will)
17. You are NOT allowed to kill Alyss and Evanlyn when they stare at Will with you. Will will NOT marry you (Shame...)
18. You are NOT allowed to sing the munchkin theme song around Will. He'll shoot you.
19. You are NOT allowed to call Halt "Lucky the Leprichon" he'll kill you.
20. You are NOT allowed to ask Will about Crocodiles. He'll think you've gone mad.
21. You are NOT allowed to ask Halt to do an impersonation of Demo Man. He'll shoot you.
22. You are NOT allowed to switch Halt's coffee to decaf. You will die a slow painful death.
23. You are NOT allowed to oil the hinges on the door of Halt's cabin. He'll kill you if the intruders don't.
24. You are NOT allowed to threaten Will. Horace will challenge you to single combat and stick you with his dagger.
25. You are NOT allowed to ride Tug. He will throw you off and Will will shoot you for trying to steal his horse.
26. You are NOT allowed to write out the key to the Couriers Code. Crowley will rant and shoot you so full of arrows you will be remembered in death as 'The Porcupine'.
27. You are NOT allowed to fight a mad axeman with only your two knives. Gilan will throw you off a cliff so that he doesn't have clean up the mess.
Rules For Hogwarts:
- If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!
- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar
- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.
- I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort
- I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape
- Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda
- I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.
- The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
- If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it.
- It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
- "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
- Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey."
- I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs
- The Whomping Willow is not a Entwife with PMS
- "I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!"
- "So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead."
- Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret
- No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
- Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...
- Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.
- I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office
- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.
- Especially not with kazoos.
- The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".
- Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden.
- There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".
...Even if I do conjure him up.
- Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.
- The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
- Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.
- I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins.
- I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"
- I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me."
- Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas.
- No combination of these is acceptable.
- Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.
- Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.
- I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways.
- I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever.
- If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change.
- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.
- I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.
- I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals