Author has written 48 stories for Alpha and Omega, Jaws, Saving Private Ryan, Lord of the Rings, Stepfather, 2009, Mist, 2007, Grand Theft Auto, Hobbit, Harry Potter, My Little Pony, Ghost Rider, 300, 8 Mile, Simpsons, Patriot, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Walking Dead, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Friday the 13th.
My spoof series:
Saving private Ryan
Fellowship of the ring
Helms deep battle
Return of the king
Steven king/the mist
Harry potter 1
MLP/Creepypasta spoofs (uncensored)
Nightmare on Elms Street
Freddy VS Jason
Walking Dead (uncensored)
Trevor Phillips series (uncensored)
NAME: Connor Noiles
CULTURE: Irish Canadian
FROM: Ottawa, Ontario
RELIGION: Christian. But I'm arguably very UNreligious..
SELF VIEW: I am trying to be known mostly for my humor in stories. But I often try to be serious in stories too, though it's harder for me these days..
FAVORITE BAND: Metallica, Korn, SlipKnot, Bullet for your Valentine, Avenged Sevenfold, Linkin Park, Disturbed, Rob Zombie, Pink Floyd, Eminem, Drowning pool, ACDC, Iron Maiden, Guns and Roses, Lil Jon, Led Zepplin, Nickelback, Andrew WK..
FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Walking Dead, Family guy, Spongebob Squrepants, Rules of Engagement, Simpsons, Big Bang Theroy, Two and a half men, South Park, MLP/FIM
FAVORITE MOVIES: 300, The Immortals, Saw series, Taken 1&2, Lord of the Rings series, StepFather, Nightmear on Elms Street series, Insidious, The Thing 2011, Con Air, Jaws 1, Zombieland, Shaun o. The dead, Saving Private Ryan, The Campaign, Step Brothers, Click. Grown Ups, Liar Liar, Yes Man, Get Smart.. Anything with Will Farrell
FAVORITE GAMES: Assasin Creed series, Left 4 dead series, Call of Duty series, Guitar Hero Metallica, Grand Threft Auto series, LA Noire, Red Dead Redemption, Army of Two series, Gears of War 3, Max Playne 3..
FAVORITE QUOTES BY MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS:
"Oh, I LIKE IT denial! That's the first part of the grieving process. Now let's all hold hands"
"Next time don't get in my fuckin face!"
"I'm your fuckin nightmare!"
"This, is, the fuck, my friend"
"I'll rip your fuckin throat open, and stuff a turd down the hole!"
"What's your poblem eh? Why aren't you scared of me!?"
"Step wait up! Step wait up!"
"Annnd, back to normal. Whatever that is"
"Now go. I need to meditate. Orr, masterbate.. Or both"
"Grrr. I'll show you a fuckin mind fuck!"
"Nothing.. Well, It didn't sound like nothing. Didn't look like nothing. I don't THINK that it was nothing!"
"When ever you get a doubt in your mind. I want you to remember I'm watching though the scoop of a high powered rifle"
"(singing) I gotta taste for biker blood!"
"Cute but stupid"
"I don't even SOUND that Canadian!"
"Today is going one of two ways friends!"
"Your get worse than hurt!"
"What kinda animal do you take me for!? No I didn't kill him.. But I DID kidnap his wife!"
"Show me, we're it says, no pants is a rule"
"This is all I got okay! I had a tough out breaking. My daddy! Was not! Nice to me!"
"Give me my coffee or I'll cut your am off!"
"Run you little fuck!"
MICHEAL TOWNLEY/DE SANTA:
"You twisted fuck! Your a dead man!"
"Oh I'm living the dream baby. And that drem is fucked! It's fuckin fucked!"
"Your fuckin A right, it's sarcasm"
"YOUR FUCKIN A RIGHT I'M DERANGED! How could I not be!?"
"It's not suppose to go down like this"
"I did it again! I'm in hell. I'M! IN! HELL! Maybe hell is good. I belong in hell. I! BELONG! IN, HELL! Maybe I don't belong in hell. HELL IS BAD! I don't belong in hell! I don't belong anywhere. I'm nothing"
"Ladies and gentlemen! This is your moment! Please don't make us waste all the hard work your plastic surgeons have done. ON THE FLOOR! NOW!"
"We weren't casing the joint!"
"Fuckin A right!
"Fine as wine baby!"
"Nomba go fuck yourself!"
"Do I look like fuckin joke to you!?"
"Yeah! Your a couple of real badass's aren't you!"
"When I say you suck. I mean you really suck"
"We're making a new deal. You leave my people alone. And I don't throw you off this roof"
"You should see a doctor about that personality of yours"
"Oh, I'm about to feel some emotions alright"
"Fuck you! Ireland isn't the only thing green! Dollars are two!"
"Niko, me boy, that's because. You ain't Irish"
"Sure I know the difference between talking and casual sex. One leaves you, sad, and empty and alone. Annd, the other is causal sex"
"You aint taking me down!"
"We told you not to fuck with us!"
"Please, do not make me ice you!"
"Oh we're gonna play it real nice. Clean as a fuckin whistle"
"Jerry just likes to think he's better than everyone. That's why he's been married twice, and still won't admit he likes men"
"Look I know I seem like an hot head and an idiot.. I AM a hot head. And a bit of an idiot.. But I work"
"Fuck you! Take the needle out of your ear, than tell me what to do!"
"You got a good look to ya.. And I'm lucky with my gut feelings"
"Kill for me!"
"Help yourSELF fucker!"
"Being dead aint a problem. But being forgotten, now thats a bitch! I cant come back if nobody remembers! I can't come back if nobodies AFRIED!"
"Why won't you just fuckin die!"
"There is nothing to fear, but fear, himself!"
"I'll get you my pretty! and your little soul too!"
"Welcome to MY nightmare!"
"This, is god"
"How sweet.. You ugly little shit"
"Bon appate, bitch"
"One thing is for sure Luis. None of this would of happened if some one has taken my FUCKIN SUFERIN BIRD ALBUM!"
"What you all seem to be forgetting, is.. Anyone not wanting to go to war. Is gay"
"Don't you see what your doing! Your treating her like a human being! Girls HATE that!"
"Oh no Connoy is unconsious. I better lay on top of her.. What are you looking at! It's a cartoon!"
"Well if there's anyone I could trust. It's a a strange man at a gym, holding a dirty needle"
"Please describe to me exactly what I did wrong"
"It's just been revolt"
"A law in every turn, and a cap in every ass!"
"We shall call it Quohaq, everyone gets equal rights... Except blacks, asains, chinesse, anyone not from England, Ireland or Scotland.. But only certain parts Ireland or Scotland. Just pure blooded whites.. You know what, not éven whites, nobody gens rights... Ahhh, America"
"Here's our next crossover story. You know that Steven King book with the two twins and the dad that tries to chop them with an axe. Can't you see Stewie doing THAT!?.. And now here's Saw sank redemption"
"I believe everything, everyone tells me, everywhere"
"Wait a minite.. That is the smartest thing I ever heard about anything"
"Oh Brain. Your such ants a picnic"
"fat guys aren't fat. Only fat girls are fat"
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
"Are you crazy!? I'm the candy master!"
"How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?"
"Hey! Hey, what is this?! Some sort of sick prank?! I get the greatest thing ever just to have it taken away?! Why did you do this to me, God? Next time you're gonna get my hopes up, could you please take me to a grease monkey? 'Cause I like to get lubed before I get FUCKED! Huh?! Some lube would be nice! Or at least a courtesy lick, God! How about a little courtesy lick next time you decide to FUCK me! [a bolt of lightning strikes Cartman and the power goes out]"
Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit eater."
"Okay, you guys, this joke has gone far enough! There were no aliens! They didn't give me an anal probe and they can't control my mind! [suddenly an alien spaceship zaps him and he starts to sing]. I love to singa / About the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a / I love to singa / About a sky of blue-a or a tea for two-a / Anything with a swinga to an I love you-a / I love to, I love to sing."
"I'm not fat, I'm big boned"
"Look, I'm sorry for nearly getting you guys rapped"
"Don't ask why Kenny decided to be a chick, it just seems to be the way he's rolling right now."
"I hate hippies.. They say they wanna save he earth. But all they do sit and smoke pot all day"
Alucard: Now, I know what you’re thinking: “How did all this come about?” Well, it all started on a midnight stroll through the woods. The air was clear, the moon was full. I was dying to sink my teeth into something. Get it? Because I'm a vampire. Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha… It’s funny.
Priest Vampire: I still plan to kill her. But first.. I'm gonna kill YOU!
Alucard: Oh, yeah. Forgot about you. Sorry about that whole “shooting you” thing, but I know if you look deep into your heart - which is currently all over that tree - you’ll find a way to forgive me.
Integra: You need to stop going on walks.
Alucard: Sweet Black fucking Sabbath! If I wasn’t holding out for that beast of a woman Integra, I’d fuck the red right out of those eyes. [Seras gets stabbed by holy sacred bayonets in the back] Well… kinda like that, only with less symbolism and more my penis in your vagina.
Anderson: How the blood-soaked protestant hell did you do that?!
Integra: Over the last couple of years we've had some... expensive claims...
Alucard: Come on! You were talking all of that good shit a second ago, then I blew your fucking legs off!!
Alucard: It was the Nazis, wasn't it?
Alucard: (appears though wall) HEY KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY!?
Alucard: You're right. Enough focusing on the past. Instead, let's focus on the past! [We see flashbacks to his and Walter's battles with the Nazis, considering we're a bit too early to Abridge the Dawn.] Back in World War II, Walter and I were part of a top-secret government operation called "Operation: Kraut Control". Walter was fifteen, and I'm pretty sure if I'm remembering correctly, I was a girl.
Alucard: Walter, do you know what my top three favorite things I've killed are? Third is the Turks. Second is Nazis. Can you guess the first?
Alucard: The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird. An advanced long-range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of Mach 3 and an altitude of 85,000 feet.
Alucard: LET ME HAVE MY NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS MOMENT!!
abridged JAN VALENTINE
Jan: Aw man, that totally sucks! And we came all the way out here with these foreign exchange students on a field trip through England!
Guard: Oh yeah. Where from?
Jan: (Jan snaps his fingers, summoning countless machine gun barrels; MP5 NavySuppressor, to be exact, from the bus behind him) Texas! [Sub-Machine gun fire; guards killed]
Jan: Aww shit.. I guess we need more preyer in school!
Walter: (grabs Jan's arm) I got your arm!
Jan: (his arm tears off) SO SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!
Jan: Well, you have fun with that, bro. I'm gonna go skull-fuck that Hellsing bitch... And the old guys... Ah, fuck it. Skull-fuckin' for everyone!! Come here, ghoul!!
Jan: Alright, alright... what you do, is you go down to the local pharmacy, ask for something called Viagra, and it will help you go fuck yourself!
Jan: [Laughing] I don't know what's fucking funnier, the fact that you think that your titless ass intimidates me, or that you think my boss would let me live if you did! (Is suddenly enveloped in blue fire) AND NOW I'M ON FUCKING FIRE! SO NOW IT'S FREE GAME!!
MLP/FAMILY GUY crossovers I find and post on fanpop:
MLP meets FAMILY GUY part 1 (mature humor): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1x2vBLt8J0
MLP meets FAMILY GUY part 2 (mature humor): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcsvOjY-0Dw
MLP meets FAMILY GUY part 3: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TMrf9nG-jjE
SPIKE QUOTING JOE (mature humor): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2FH60av4qs
PLAY ME A FILLER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htUDJGs6VZc
QUAGMIRE IN PONYVILLE (mature humor): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6jJp6jtJQQ
CUTIE MARK CUSAIDERS singing THE FRIGGIN FCC (mature humor): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iyRhnuvYAQ
CHIRSTMAS SONG (mature humor): http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lp04IrDwbo0
STEWIE THE BRONY: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wFFRxPbjlKY
PETER THE BRONY: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4Togw6lL41s
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